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[playing: Tahanan by Adie]
"Miguel, isayaw mo na si Aire! Kanina pa ako binubulungan niyan!"
"Kaya nga, Migo! Poging-pogi yan sa'yo! Walang ibang bukambibig kundi ang gwapo ni direk noh?'"
"Ba't niyo naman nilalaglag si Aire sa harapan ni Migo? Pero, totoo yun lahat!"
"Dali na, direk! Habang 'di pa tapos yung Tahanan ni poging Adie!"
Chuckling discreetly to himself, Migo shook his head and reached for his bottled water on the table as his clubmates continued to tease him and Aire.
Hindi niya alam kung bakit sa araw-araw na lang, sa tuwing papasok siya sa university ay palagi siyang tinutukso kay Aire. Migo is very aware of the fact that he has no romantic feelings for the girl. Yes, he freely admits to himself that Aire is not just beautiful but also wonderful. She is comfortable and enjoyable to get around with. She never treats you unfairly and always gives you the most positive cheer, which will provoke thought if you ever ask her for it. She will inspire you to keep going. And Migo finds it incredibly fascinating that she is the type of girl, or rather, woman, who very well knows what she will become in the future, but Migo, he can never make himself feel any affection for her if he's in love with someone else, can he?
He does not want to force himself to love someone since he knows it will be worthless. Migo is well aware of the matter. He'd attempted it a number of times before, and each time he'd failed miserably. That's why he never dared to dictate it anymore, because one thing is for certain: you can never force your feelings. Dahil kung napipilit lang din naman pala, sana matagal na niyang ginawa. Sana matagal na niyang napigilan. Sana hindi na tumagal.
Then the background music changes.
[playing: Dive by Ed Sheeran]
His train of thought was cut short as he felt a hand, specifically that of a woman, tap his shoulders. He raised his gaze only to realize that it was Aire who was now standing in front of him, smiling idly at him.
"Ayaw mo akong ayain kaya ako na lang mag-aaya sa'yo. Sayaw tayo, direk."
It caused Migo to glance at her with wonder and bewilderment, but a few seconds later, they both burst out giggling, their eyes taking the form of what the crescent moon looks like outside the venue.
Migo firmly stood up, then held Aire's hand in a gentlemanly manner. Their friends yelled and hollered for them when they noticed it, attracting attention from the others outside their table. They only shook their heads and chuckled as they made their way to the middle, where students were vibing along to the pop rock tune that was playing.
Once they were already in the middle, Migo experienced a fleeting spark of familiarity from his younger memories at that very exact moment. He can't help but smile as that specific memory highlights his entire junior high school days.
Curious enough? Well...
If you're ever wondering who was Migo's first dance partner—excluding his mother, of course—he would proudly tell the world that it was Summer, his best friend. That was on the night of their junior promenade in 10th grade. It wasn't totally his intention to dance with him that night since he had been attempting to ignore Summer for a whole week that year. He was putting up big barricades to keep Summer away, especially because he was already well aware of his growing feelings for him. Ayaw na niyang madagdagan. Ayaw na niyang mas lumalim. Ayaw na niyang mas mahulog pa sa kaibigan. But then again, fate seemed to be playing a trick on him at the time.
Janus dared him. Hoshi followed. Cholo agreed. Mingyu supported the tease. Mga kampon ng pang-aasar ni Tadhana.
Pero magsisinungaling siya kung sasabihin niya na hindi siya sumang-ayon sa pang-aasar na 'yon. Inwardly, he honestly did—much louder than his other friends could. He wanted to dance with Summer that night. He wanted to be the first one to dance with him to that soft, mellow music that was being played. Kaya naman ay walang pag-aalinlangan siyang tumayo, suot ang mapang-asar na ngiti, at inilahad ang kamay sa harap ng kaibigan. Sabay sabing, "Hindi pinapalagpas yung 'Timeless' ni Taylor Swift. Sayaw tayo, Summeru."
On that exact night, Migo experienced a sense of timelessness. Na para bang walang ibang tao sa malawak na lugar na iyon, but only him and his Summeru. He felt this kind of indescribable feeling of loving and hoping for someone at the same time.
But nevertheless, there was something more to it—more in depth to it—that despite his romantic feelings for his best friend, Migo felt like, in that slow moving of the clock with the soft music, almost romantic scene, he wasn't dancing to his best friend. He was just dancing to Summer. To Summer Angeles. It was just Miguel Angelo Cornelio dancing to Summer Angeles.
It was just exactly like that.
Migo would always go back to that memory. And when he said always, he meant every single second of every day.
"Migo, huy!" He was jolted back to reality when he heard Aire raise her voice at him. Taka siyang tumingin dito. They were facing each other, with his hands gently holding her waist and Aire's hands on his shoulders. They were both moving slightly to the music. "Kanina pa ako nagsasalita, hindi ka man lang mag-react. What really happened to conscious communication these days? Wala na ba talagang ganun?"
Migo laughed. He took Aire's hand away from his shoulders then gently whirled her around. Aire gave him the side-eye while blushing visibly on her face. "Hugot yan, direk?" Biro niya nang muli silang magkaharap.
"It was more like stating a fact." She answered, which made Migo gasp dramatically as he covered his mouth to support his overreaction. Aire jokingly punched him in the chest. "Ganda ng music noh? Baka Ed Sheeran yan."
Migo agreed and nodded his head. They continue to dance as they allow the music and the noise of other people to envelope them.
"Migo." Aire suddenly called his name, softly and quietly, enough for him to hear her voice. Migo didn't respond, but his gaze at her was urging her to go on. "I like you."
There was it—the confession.
His hands, which were holding her waist, suddenly and slowly slipped away as he felt his body frozen in place. He had his mouth slightly open, about to say something to end the discomfort that was about to ensue, but he chose to close it in the end. Gusto niyang umatras pabalik sa kanyang upuan. Gusto niyang maglaho sa kinatatayuan. He wanted to withdraw himself from her. Kahit sa kaunting minuto lang.
"... pero hindi mo naman ako gusto, 'di ba? You like someone else, and that's not exactly me. It's your best friend, right? Yung palagi mong hatid-sundo na kahit alas-tres pa lang ng hapon tapos na yung klase natin pero maghihintay ka sa tapat ng engineering building hanggang alas-syete kasi yun yung last class niya. 'Di ba, Miguel?"
Migo slowly returned his gaze to her upon hearing it. Minsan napapaisip siya kung ganoon ba talaga siya ka-obvious sa nararamdaman niya kasi halos lahat na lang ng tao, may alam kung sino yung gusto niya. Halos lahat sila. Pero bakit si Summer hindi? Bakit si Summer hindi maramdaman yun? Bakit si Summer walang alam na may gusto siya sa kanya? Bakit?
That kind of folly in his reasoning could only make him chuckle. "I just didn't like my best friend, Aire. I love him. Matagal na. Sobrang, sobrang tagal na."
There was no reason to lie about that anymore. Mahal niya naman talaga si Summer. Mahal niya siya bilang kaibigan pero mas nananaig talaga yung pagmamahal na may halong paghiling na sana hindi na lang sila basta magkaibigan lang. Na sana mas higit pa sila sa gano'n.
Aire forced a bitter smile. Hindi naman siya pwedeng magkunwari na masaya siya sa narinig niya. It hurt her. It was painful for her. "Congrats." Was all she could utter.
Hindi napigilan ni Migo na matawa sa narinig niya. Congrats, for what? "Hindi niya naman ako gusto."
"Edi pareho kayong tanga."
"Namemersonal ka na, direk."
They both laughed. Aire gripped his shoulders once more, this time looking him directly in the eyes. Their faces were one inch closer together. "You haven't noticed it, do you? Or are you just clearly attached to the idea that you're the only one who loves him and he is unable to reciprocate your feelings?"
Migo shakes his head, completely disagreeing with her. Wala naman siyang alam. "Hindi niya naman talaga ako kayang mahalin pabalik, direk. May boyfriend na yun." He answered bitterly.
Aire chuckles, withdrawing herself from him. "You're just as dense as he is, Miguel." She replied. "Balik na tayo sa table. Tapos naman na yung kanta." Migo nodded. Akmang aalis na siya nang bigla siyang pigilan ni Aire. Humarap ulit siya dito. "Kalimutan mo na yung confession ko kanina para makalimutan ko na din yung sobrang bilis na rejection mo. Hindi mo man lang pinag-isipan." She rolled her eyes and was the first one to walk away from the crowd.
Natatawang sumunod naman sa kanya si Migo.
***
"Let's dance, pretty."
Summer instantly shifted his focus away from Migo and Aire, who were laughing in between their swaying, and turned to face Franco, who was sitting beside him. Kanina pa sila nakaupo at kanina pa nag-iinit ang ulo niya habang pinapanood ang kanyang best friend na makipagtawanan sa blockmate nito.
He wasn't supposed to feel this kind of extreme irritation and annoyance just because Migo was laughing and enjoying himself with someone, but he couldn't help but feel that way. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang mali sa kanya ngayon pero hindi niya gusto ang inis na nararamdaman niya.
"Earth to Summer Angeles." Franco once again muttered, trying to get his distracted attention.
Summer's face grimaced at him, which instantly made Franco sport a smile. "What is that, Franco de Vera?" He asked, imitating the tone that Franco used.
"Let's dance, Summer."
"I don't dance." Summer replied, chuckling aloud. The idea of himself dancing to such a sweet song never occurred to him. Unless it was his best friend he was dancing with.
Si Migo lang naman kasi kayang sumabay sa malikot niyang paa. Si Migo lang naman din kasi yung tuturuan siya kung saang direksyon ba sila magsisimula habang nakakunot ang noo. Si Migo lang din naman kasi yung pagtatawanan at aasarin siya pero kayang ibigay sa kanya yung papuring humigit pa sa sobra.
Dancing with Migo feels like an eternity of serene freedom and solace.
"Well, I don't dance either, but I want to dance with you tonight, Sam. Can I have this dance? Just for tonight, Summer."
Summer locked his gaze on his suitor for a split second, and while he was doing so, he saw the anticipation and softness in his dark brown orbs, which caused him to nod gently and say, "Yes."
[playing: Best Part by Daniel Caesar feat H.E.R]
"I love this song. Do you know this, Summer?" Franco softly asked. He had his hands on Summer's waist and was holding her tenderly and delicately, as if he were some sort of fragile glass that he must handle with such extreme care.
Nakangiting tumango si Summer sa tanong nito. He carefully raised his hands and placed them on Franco's shoulder, allowing the latter to lead their swaying. "Sorry pala for my attitude kanina. You don't deserve that." He lowered his gaze as guilt struck him once more.
He has always received kind treatment from Franco. He is always that kind of respectful, overly considerate, and gentlemanly guy to him. And Summer couldn't help but think of how he was undeserving to have a suitor like him. Someone like him—like Summer—is not someone that he deserves. He deserves more than the enough of what he could give him.
Franco plastered a kind smile on his face. "It's fine. I understand it, Summer. No need to apologize."
"You don't have to always understand me, Franco. You can call me out." Summer reasoned it out. His brows were growing slightly furrowed as he said those words to him. "I don't want to take your kindness for granted." He added.
"Perhaps this will be the last time I will have to understand you, Summer."
It causes Summer to stop moving, which causes Franco to halt as well. Summer feels like those particular words that Franco just blurted out are echoing within his head as the music continues to play in the background.
He can feel the trembling pressure of his hands, which have unintentionally fallen off Franco's shoulder. Franco tried to hold it for him, but Summer signaled him to stop. "What was that, Franco? Ano yun? What do you mean by that?" Sunod-sunod na tanong niya. Nervousness crept up on him.
Franco took a deep breath. "If I seriously asked you if you would want us to be officially lovers tonight, would you answer yes? Would you finally take our relationship to another level? Would you really let me be your boyfriend, Summer?" He was giving Summer a desperate look. Given the almost three years he had spent courting Summer, he was expecting that he wouldn't hesitate or take any more time to think about it.
But Summer took a step backward, almost losing his balance with the way he suddenly asked him such a question. He was continuously shaking his head as he looked him in the eye. "Akala ko napag-usapan na natin 'to? Akala ko ba malinaw na sa'yo na I can't really commit myself fully to you yet? Bakit ka nagmamadali? Bakit mo ako minamadali? Akala ko ba you can wait kahit gaano pa yan katagal?" He was spewing each word with a hint of disbelief in his trembling voice.
"God, Summer. I can wait for you, even for eternity. But it's just really hard for me to do that when you're obviously not into me. I don't want to wait for someone who's in love with some—"
"I am into you! What are you talking about?"
"You're not, Sam. You know for yourself that you're not really into me. You're in love with someone else. And it's not me."
"I like you, Franco. I do. Paniwalaan mo naman ako." Summer spoke weakly. He took a step forward, back to Franco, and held his face. Hinawakan ni Franco ang kamay nito at sa maikling segundo ay dinama ang kaginhawaang taglay nito. But it didn't last long because after a few seconds more, he slowly slid it off from his face.
"I can't finish college while waiting for someone to reciprocate my feelings for him. I can't wait that long, Summer. I don't want us to be locked up in the idea that no matter what happens, we'll still end up together because you're just scared of admitting what you actually feel deep down inside."
'...because you're just scared of admitting what you actually feel deep down inside.'
Summer pondered it; he felt like his brain was spinning in circles as he tried to understand it in his mind. Ano ba talaga yung totoong nararamdaman niya? He'd always been confident that he'd end up with Franco. Pero bakit dahil sa sinabi niyang 'yon, hindi na siya sigurado? Was it really true? Was Franco's claim really true? Wasn't he really in love with him?
If not him, then who?
Who is he in love with?
His gaze wandered across the venue, and then, among the many crowds dancing, he didn't fail to come across Migo's sparkling and shining orbs.
His heart skipped a beat.
No. No. No, he's not. He's not in love with him.
"I love you, Franco."
"I don't want your mind to speak for you, Summer. Not your mind, please. Just for this one, let your heart speak for your feelings. You deserve to be loved in a way that makes you feel true to yourself, and I deserve to be loved in a way that makes me feel seen. So, stop fooling yourself now." Franco pulled him by the waist, and then, for the final time, he placed a gentle kiss on Summer's forehead. "You love him, Sam. Figure it out for yourself. Thank you for your time."
Summer wasn't supposed to let him go. He was supposed to hold him and hug him tight so he wouldn't leave him. But he did. Slowly, he did. Dahan-dahan niyang inalis ang pagkakayakap kay Fraco at hinayaan ang sarili niyang panoorin itong maglaho palayo sa kanyang paningin.
And in that brief moment, he felt like he was extremely lost, but when he suddenly felt someone's hands placed on both of his shoulders from behind and turned around to see that person, Summer knew for certain that he was already in the right place. In the right person.
After all, he always makes him feel incredibly and fascinatingly right.
"Pwede ko ba isayaw yung best friend ko?"
[playing: Timeless by Taylor Swift]
They hadn't danced together in around four years, but the familiarity of their teenage laughs, sheepish grins, and mistakes in their steps were still fresh in both of their minds. That night, they were merely swaying and dancing for that memory from years ago. It was just... timeless.
'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this
So even in a different life, you still would've still been mine
We would've been timeless
'It feels right. Everything feels amazingly right.' Summer uttered it in the back of his mind as he stared at Migo, who was laughing heartily in front of him.