Chapter Text
By this point in her life, Ahn Nabi was used to packing and unpacking her whole life inside cardboard boxes, going from one house to another, from one city to the next. The expectation and novelty feeling she used to feel every time her parents told her they were moving had now turned into something different, something heavy and uncomfortable.
Even though she was getting used to living in Seoul, she still missed Busan. She couldn’t get quite used to the pace of the capital, where everyone seemed to be in a hurry. Even her parents, who had sworn they would get more free time since they wouldn’t have to travel too much for work, seemed to be hectic all the time. Of course, by this point, she was used to being on her own. After all, that was the only constant in her unpredictable life.
“But there’s a lot to do in Seoul,” her father said one night he picked her up at school. “Name something Busan has that Seoul doesn’t,”
“A beach,” she said.
“Well, that’s one little thing,”
“Nice people,”
“People here are nice, too,” her father tried again to cheer her up.
“When is Mom getting home?”
“Tuesday,” her dad said as he went through his texts, even though he always complained about people who drove and texted at the same time. “Did you see the pictures she sent? Greece seems pretty, we should go in the summer,”
“Sure,”
“Did you decide which club you’re joining yet?” her father had been quite insistent about her joining extracurricular activities, saying how she was wasting the great opportunities that her fancy international school offered.
“Not yet,” was all she could say.
“What about de United Nations Model?” her dad suggested. “Or the Mock Trial Club?”
“I was thinking Mu Alpha Theta,” she said. “Or robotics,”
The reason why Nabi didn’t want to join any clubs was the exact reason why she never fully unpacked: she knew she had to leave soon. But, this time, as months passed her parents seemed more and more comfortable with their new lives. Within the first year, her father got a promotion. He was part of a significant firm and was now the official lawyer for one of the most prominent technology corporates in South Korea. They moved to a bigger house in the private sector where her dad’s rich friends lived.
“It’s your birthday soon,” her mother said as they walked together in the supermarket, which was probably Nabi’s favorite activity. “Do you have any plans in mind?”
“Not really, I was thinking maybe we could eat out and go a museum later,”
“Uh, sounds cool,” her mom said while walking down the wine aisle. “What if we go to Jeju for the weekend? It’s been a while since we’ve gone home,”
Nabi didn’t have many memories of living in Jeju, even though it was the place she had spent most of her childhood in. She had been born there and moved until she was around 12, but all she remembered of those years was her busy schedule of all kinds of classes, that kept her entertained while her parents worked so she didn’t have to be home alone.
“Sure, sounds nice,” Nabi said, knowing her mother had already made up her mind on the subject.
At home, once her father arrived, they discussed their weekend escapade to the island. Initially, he was hesitant, not wanting to skip an important meal with his boss and some important people.
“But it’s her birthday!” her mom complained during dinner.
“It’s okay, we can just do something here,” Nabi proposed, trying to calm things down. “I have a presentation on Monday, anyway,”
“She’s turning 16!” her mom fought back. In different cultures, turning 16 was something significant. But for Nabi, it was just like any other day, she didn’t understand what the big was.
“But we were hosting, Hye-Sun! You know how important this is!” her dad said, raising his voice.
“Well, then let’s host in Jeju!”
And that’s how Nabi spent her sixteenth birthday with her parents and her dad’s old coworkers at her childhood home. Nabi’s dad and his coworkers prepared the meal, while her mom and the other wives talked about adult stuff she found unpleasant. One of her father’s coworkers brought their kids with them, and they made Nabi babysit them.
“When are we going to the aquarium?” the 8-year-old girl asked her.
“The aquarium?” Nabi asked.
“Mom said there was a pretty aquarium in Jeju,”
“Is there?” Nabi didn’t want to be mean to the kids, but she was too busy studying for her French presentation.
“Do you have a Nintendo?” the little boy, who was probably 10, asked.
“No, I don’t,” Nabi said.
“Do you want to play Mario Kart with me? I brought mine,” the kid offered.
“Can we go build sandcastles?” the girl asked.
“Why don’t you guys watch a movie?” Nabi tried her best to keep them both entertained and safe, or at least alive.
“Hi,” The other teenager that had been forced to join her parents in this awkward trip entered the room. “Your mom said I could join you,”
“Hi, yeah, please,” Nabi didn’t want to sound too eager, but the prospect of talking to someone closer to her age was probably the most exciting thing about her birthday so far. “You are Dani, right?”
“Yup,” the girl said, sitting close to Nabi. “Sorry I didn’t talk much on the way here, I get dizzy during flights,”
“Yeah, me too,” Nabi lied only to sympathize with her.
“You go to Yongsan, right? I go to Dulwich. What grade are you in?”
“Second,” Nabi smiled. “You?”
“Third,” Dani said.
“I’m also in second!” The little girl said, meaning primary school, but still wanting to be a part of the conversation.
“How is your French?” Dani asked, looking at Nabi’s notes.
“Not well, to be honest,”
“What about English?”
“I feel more confident there,” Nabi admitted.
“Cool, I don’t think these dwarfs understand what we’re saying. They can barely speak Korean,” Dani effortlessly switched to speaking in English with a natural British accent that caught Nabi by surprise. “I guess you were also tricked into coming. Dad said Mr. Kim’s hot son was coming,”
“Isn’t this kid Mr. Kim’s son?” Nabi asked, quickly glancing over the kid playing with his Nintendo DS on the couch.
“No, the other Mr. Kim,” Dani said. “The one that came alone,”
“Oh, I still don’t know everyone’s names,” Nabi admitted. “Is Dani your English name or your given name?”
“It’s my name-name,” the older girl laughed. “My mom’s family is from Dublin. Have you ever been there?”
“No, but I’ve been to Scotland. It’s kind of close, right?”
“Yeah, sort of,”
Nabi’s homework was soon forgotten after Dani joined her. They talked for hours, getting to escape from the kids to walk around the island with their parent’s permission. Dani was exactly what Nabi thought a cool girl was; she had one of those new fancy touch phones, she was rocking the pixie cut like that one girl in those vampire movies, and she was so confident while speaking. Nabi wondered if that self-confidence was something that came with age.
After chatting and walking for a couple of hours, Nabi and Dani went back home, where the adults were already sitting at the table. It wasn’t until she took her seat next to her mother that Nabi realized there was someone else in the room that she hadn’t met before. Next to Mr. Kim sat a young and handsome guy, with dark long hair and piercings in both ears. Nabi gave a quick glance at Dani, who nodded as to confirm this was the hot guy she had told her about.
The dinner was as amusing as a business meeting could be. Nabi was happy that her father, and his friends from work, seemed to be having a good time. Everything would have been perfect if it wasn’t for her mom’s surprise cake. She had to sit uncomfortably at a table full of adult strangers who awkwardly sang Happy Birthday to her. Feeling her cheeks burn, she only thanked and refused to meet people’s eyes.
By the end of the day, only Mr. Kim, Dani’s dad, and Nabi’s parents were left. The other two couples had left earlier in their shared private flight, while the rest of the adults comfortably talked while sharing some drinks. Nabi had always admired her parents’ ability to make friends. Her mom and Dani’s mom were comfortable speaking in English, just like the daughters had been a couple hours prior. The men were laughing in the garden, looking much less formal now their boss was gone. Nabi thought she could at least keep talking to Dani for the rest of the night, but she had disappeared with Mr. Kim’s son, and she thought it was better if she gave them some privacy. So, that’s how Nabi spent the final hours of her 16th birthday studying alone in her childhood room.
Almost every weekend after Nabi’s birthday, her dad would meet Mr. Kim and Mr. Lee, Dani’s dad, for casual plans like golfing, cooking, or fishing. Sometimes the wives and kids would get invited, but due to her mom’s busy agenda, Nabi was left alone with the weird combo. At first, it wasn’t that bad. After all, Dani was always friendly to her and she didn’t feel so alone. But whenever Mr. Kim’s son came, she felt like she was third-wheeling; it was clear the older guys had something going on. The guy was a bit douchey; he never spoke to Nabi, acting as if she was never in the room. Dani tried to convince her that he was just too shy, but she knew she only said that because she fancied him.
As the end of the school year approached, it got harder to see Dani. She was in her last year of high school, and it was in her plans to get into a fancy university in the UK. Nabi’s father would constantly bring up the subject, making it clear that he wanted his daughter to be like Mr. Lee’s daughter.
Soon after she graduated from high school, Dani visited Nabi to let her know she was going to Bristol to study Economics. She also confessed that she and Mr. Kim’s son were no longer seeing each other since he was now officially dating some girl from his college. It was a bit weird to Nabi that Dani didn’t look upset about it, probably because she was ready to start her new life abroad.
Something about that last day with Dani made Nabi feel something weird. As she walked down the Han River with her friend, she realized up until this moment, her life had always felt like a movie. To be very specific, her life felt like the VHS in her dad’s collection, where the tape randomly jumped from one scene to the other, not giving many contexts to the characters or the situations they were in. And, somehow, Nabi was in every scene, but she didn’t feel like the main character of her own life. All the experiences belonged to somebody else, and she just happened to be there for the ride.
“Have you thought about college yet?” Dani asked her, pulling her out of her thoughts.
“I think so,” Nabi said, not convincing even herself.
“Well, you still have a year to decide,” Dani said with a sweet smile. “Maybe you can apply to Bristol and we can be flatmates,”
“Yeah, that would be nice,”
“Promise to text me, ok?”
“Ok,”
In her third year of high school, Nabi decided she was done wasting time. She was determined to excel in her classes, join a couple of extracurriculars, and get top grades in her university exams. She had a plan, and that was applying to precisely 10 universities. She would apply to three in Korea, two in China, three in America, and five in Europe. She was going to become a Neuroscientist, and, most importantly, she was going to live far from home.
The weekend before the first day of school, her father changed their plans (as was now usual), taking Nabi and her mother to a fancy dinner with one of his coworkers. That day, Nabi was planning on dying and cutting her hair to start the term with a fresh look, instead, she had to doll up to have dinner with the people her father wanted to impress, though she couldn’t care less about it.
“That’s a nice dress, you look pretty,” her mom complimented as she joined Nabi in the living room. “Is it new?”
“No, it’s the only dress I’ve had for years,” she sourly said, getting frustrated with the change of plans. “I don’t get why we have to go. Why can’t I stay home?”
“Because this is an important reunion,”
“You always say that,”
“No, this time it really is,” her mom said while putting on her earrings. “It’s Mr. Lee’s last weekend in Seoul,”
“Dani’s dad is moving?”
“The whole family is, didn’t she tell you?” her mother asks, completely unaware that Dani and Nabi had lost contact since the older girl started college. “They’re all moving to Essex,”
“Why?”
“Mr. Lee will run the European division of the company,”
“Is that a good or a bad thing?”
“Good for them and the company, but dad and Mr. Kim are sad. You know they are very close,” it was hilarious to Nabi how much these middle-aged men loved to hang out together, even though they saw each other almost every day at work and outside the office. Nabi always knew she was more like her mother in the social aspects, preferring traveling alone than in groups, and actually enjoying the solitude. Her dad, on the other hand, needed to move in packs, and he was usually the leader. Even at home, Nabi’s dad would always insist on doing stuff together, the three of them.
Nabi had only been to Mr. Kim’s house a couple of times, even though he lived only a couple minutes away by car, but higher on the mountain. The Kims were nice, but they felt too much like a family that came out of a TV show for Nabi’s taste. They were always happy and cheerful, which was a bit annoying. Mrs. Kim was the kind of mom that you would read in a kids’ book; she had a very homey feel. Nabi wasn’t used to that. Her mom was a bit of a superstar in the architect world; she collaborated with different international firms and was part of many important projects abroad. Since she traveled a lot, Nabi didn’t get to spend much time with her growing up and had gotten used to catching up on phone calls or during car rides. But I guess one could say that their relationship was good, they were more like sisters in a way.
Nabi had no choice but to join the wives in the living room while the husbands played pool in Mr. Kim’s basement. By this point, Nabi knew how to act to make them think she was part of the conversation; all she had to do was react, answer the usual questions about how school was, and compliment the host’s meal.
“Are you excited for your last year of high school, dear?” Mrs. Kim asked, looking at her with a warm smile.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to graduate,” Nabi said with fake excitement.
“Have you made up your mind about uni, yet?” Mrs. Lee asked. “Dani told me you were thinking about Bristol?”
“Oh, I don’t know yet,” Nabi politely said.
“Are you following your mom’s steps and becoming a great artist?” Mrs. Kim asked.
“Oh, you can forget about that,” Nabi’s mom chuckled. “She’s betraying me and choosing a different way,”
“Are you studying law, like your dad?” Mrs. Lee asked.
“No, I’m more into science,” Nabi said, getting nervous for some reason.
“My eldest was into medicine at first,” Mrs. Kim said. “But he ended up in Architectural Engineering,”
“Really? I didn’t know that” Nabi’s mom suddenly seemed interested, which was a relief for her.
“Yeah, and my youngest had plans to become an actor, then a singer, and now God knows,” Mrs. Kim laughed. “But, honestly, I’m just glad to have him back home,”
“Seokjin is back?” Mrs. Lee asked.
“Yes, he left the company and is ready to focus on his college applications. I think he is still unsure about what major to choose,”
Nabi took this as the perfect moment to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, leaving the moms to brag about their kids alone. There were a lot of family pictures displayed down the entire corridor to the bathroom. Nabi recognized Seokjung, the douchy oldest son of Mr. Kim, and saw a smaller and goofier version of him she assumed was the younger brother. For Nabi, who was an only child, the concept of siblings was almost alien. For a while, she even considered studying something related to genetics, just so she could get a better hold of the complexity of human nature. She always wondered what was the formula that made her look and behave like both her parents, and often thought about how a slight change in said formula would have a significant impact on the result of a human being.
Thinking about the complexity of nature, Nabi made her way into the bathroom, wondering if she should reconsider her career choice once more. She was too busy thinking about it that she forgot to knock on the door, and simply stepped inside the bathroom.
“Jesus Christ!” she gasped and jumped as she saw someone standing in front of her.
“Holy shit!” the guy yelled, equally scared.
“Sorry, it wasn’t- it wasn’t locked!” she stuttered. It took her a couple of seconds to realize it wasn’t Seokjung, but the guy named Seokjin who was standing right in front of her. He looked very different from the nerdy small kid she had just seen in the family portraits.
“I was… just… getting out…” the guy said, blushing furiously and avoiding eye contact. “All yours,”
He said before storming off. Nabi simply got inside the bathroom and locked the door behind her, more interested in genetics than ever. Suddenly forgetting about her bladder needs, she pulled out her phone and texted Dani for the first time in months.
Ahn Nabi: do you remember Kim Seokjung?
After a few minutes, her friend responded.
Lee Dani: Do you think Jesus could forget Judas? Of course I remember that prat
Ahn Nabi: did you ever meet his brother?
Lee Dani: only in pictures, why?
Ahn Nabi: he looks just like him, it’s scary
Lee Dani: I mean they are brothers, they must have some things in common
Lee Dani: But
Lee Dani: Are we talking about the same person?
Lee Dani has sent a picture. Click to download.
Downloading
Lee Dani:
It was clear that the kid in the picture was him, but it made no sense how much he had changed. Nabi had lots of questions in mind the main being “Why do I look just like when I was in primary school?” followed by “Should I really study Neuroscience or do I explore Genetics?”
Lee Dani: send me a picture of what he looks like now
Lee Dani: is he cute?
Lee Dani: Look, if you want my advice, nothing good can come from someone’s whose brother is Kim Seokjung