Chapter Text
Izuku knew from childhood exactly who his soulmate was. There was no denying it, even if he wasn't entirely sure why Kacchan's mark on his arm was an explosion.
…Other than his personality.
But Mom said that was mean, and he didn't want to be mean, especially not to his soulmate, so he never said anything like that to Kacchan, not even when he was yelling really loudly at him! He didn't even argue when Kacchan picked on him for having a lame soulmark like a green bunny sitting on a plain notebook, because compared to an explosion it was kind of boring, wasn't it?
And then Kacchan's quirk came in, and it was really obvious why his mark was an explosion, because he made them and it was so cool! Izuku loved it! He was going to be such an amazing hero one day, and Izuku would be one too, and they'd save people together just like All Might did, and everything would be wonderful! And maybe his quirk would have something to do with his soulmark too!
That would make sense, right? Since he and Kacchan were soulmates?
But his quirk didn't come, not when he was four, and not when he was five, either. When he was six, Mom took him to see a specialist, and… and…
"What the hell do you mean you're Quirkless?" Kacchan wouldn't even look him in the eye. His hands were sparking, and he smelled like burnt caramel.
Izuku's breath hitched and he blinked to try and clear the tears from his eyes. "I have the extra toe joint," he said. In spite of his best efforts, because Kacchan always got so mad when he cried, tears spilled down his cheeks. "The doctor said it's a sure sign I'm never gonna get a quirk. I'm not—" How had he said it? "Evolved enough?"
Sure enough, Kacchan exploded. "Stop fucking crying!" The heat was enough to make him flinch. "Maybe he's wrong. Is Auntie gonna get another opinion?"
Izuku shook his head and tried again to stop crying. "But I'm not gonna give up, Kacchan!" He tried to smile at his soulmate. "We'll still be heroes together; it'll just be harder, that's all!" Even if Mom hadn't said he could do it when he'd asked. He wasn't giving up!
Kacchan though… His lip curled into a snarl. "Tch." He looked away. "I can't be tied to a Deku like you if I'm gonna be number one."
Izuku flinched. "Kacchan, that's mean!" He hadn't called him that in two years! Not since Mom had caught him, just after his quirk had come in. Not since she'd said how rude it was to insult one's soulmate by calling them useless while staring at the black mark Izuku's father had left behind.
He hoped she'd find her new partner soon. Mom deserved to be happy; she was the best!
"Like I care!" Kacchan's hands sparked again, and then he grabbed Izuku's arm, his hand on top of his vibrant orange, red, and yellow soulmark. "You're just gonna hold me back, Deku." And then he let loose another explosion.
The pain was like nothing Izuku had ever felt, and it wasn't just the physical pain of Kacchan using his quirk on him, which was awful in its own way. There was something more, something he didn't have words for, a tearing ache deep within his soul that made him scream more than the burn ever could.
By the time the burn healed, he understood what had happened.
The explosion soulmark on his arm, which had once been beautiful and vibrant, had faded to a dull black and grey.
The bond had been broken. Kacchan wasn't his fated match anymore, and apparently it was open season on using him to practice his quirk. Still, the pain of the lost bond never really went away, and it was never quite eclipsed by anything else the volatile blond ever did to him.
***
With the breaking of one bond came the possibility of another, though it took several months for it to show up. Izuku checked himself for a new mark each night as he treated his burns and other injuries, and his diligence finally paid off in the form of a cherry blossom on the back of his thigh.
It was so pretty! The pink that darkened toward the middle was so vibrant, and it looked like it could be ready to just fall right off a tree! It was so much better than the explosion had been, not that Kacchan still wasn't amazing, because of course he was, but maybe this person would be more willing to give Izuku a chance to prove he could be a good soulmate.
Because he could, even if he was working hard towards being the first Quirkless hero.
As hard as he could, anyway. No gym would let him join, and even if they would, Mom and he wouldn't be able to afford the membership fees. But he was still trying!
He ran, and he carried heavy jugs of water, and he did bodyweight exercises that he found online. Mom thought he was working too hard, because he was still little, but he had so many disadvantages that he had to start early!
It was on his way to school a year after that, when he was almost eight, that he found the other boy who had his notebook and bunny mark. He was a student at Aldera Elementary, just like Izuku, but he looked a little older.
Izuku didn't even get the chance to ask him his name. The boy took one look at him as he approached, sneered, and said, "Absolutely not."
He shoved him back hard enough that Izuku fell, cracking his head on the pavement.
He blacked out to the sound of kids laughing, and when he woke up, the pretty cherry blossom was black and white.
He'd lost that possible bond, too, but at least that time he hadn't had to feel the pain of it breaking. The pain of the broken bond lingered, of course, but he was getting used to that. It didn’t make him nauseous anymore, so that was at least something.
***
He gained and lost two more marks before he met All Might and his life changed: a beautiful red cobra that curled around his upper arm, and a small silver and gold constellation of stars on his belly just above his navel.
The cobra went black when a girl he'd never even spoken to before tripped him down the stairs. He broke his arm that day, the same arm with the cobra on it. He never saw the girl again, never even got to know her name, but at least he'd known what she looked like.
The constellation— Orion— turned black without Izuku having a clue as to who it was. The only thing of note that happened that day, other than the sickening feeling of the potential bond breaking that was starting to almost become normal, was that Izuku found a spider lily on his desk.
It wasn't even that noteworthy. People told him to kill himself all the time— why should his soulmate be anything different?
But the potential bond was gone, and that couldn't be undone. Izuku had black and grey stars on his belly to go with the snake, the flower, and the explosion, and he was starting to wonder if his skin would ever be graced with any color other than the black and grey of broken soulbonds.
How many could one person have? How many was he expected to bear? The pain was still constant, but it was just a background thing. He didn’t remember what it was like to live without it.
***
When All Might and One for All came into his life, Izuku thought that things would be different. Maybe not right away, but soon! He had a quirk, a powerful one, and okay, he wasn't the best at using it, and it hurt him, but he was getting there! He was figuring it out.
And maybe things still weren't perfect, but they were…better? His teacher didn't seem to like him much— problem child, nearly expelled on the first day in spite of all his work— and Kacchan still hated him more than anything, but things were better! He hadn't been expelled, and most of the time Kacchan got yelled at when he attacked him outside of sparring, and his work was actually being assessed fairly, and that was great!
And most importantly of all, he hadn't lost any potential bonds since whoever had given him the black and grey stars, either, and that had to be a sign. He'd kept his latest mark, a pale purple low battery symbol, ever since it appeared. It felt like a record, at least for him, even though he knew it probably wasn't.
And then the Sports Festival came, and just as soon as he recognized his own bunny and notebook on Shinsou, he got yelled at for having a heroic quirk.
Why did it always come back to what kind of quirk he had?
He couldn't stop the tears dropping down his cheeks, and he didn't try that hard. "Fuck you," he almost growled as he felt the sickening combination of pain and nausea of a bond breaking.
Shinsou's eyes went wide and he took a step forward, his hand coming up, his lips parting. "I didn't mean—" His own expression was falling, all the earlier anger gone, turned to grief. "Midoriya, I didn't mean to break our bond! I didn't even realize we had one!"
Izuku just shrugged and stepped back, keeping out of reach of Shinsou. "It's too late now, isn't it?" Bonds couldn't be restored. Soulmarks didn't get their color back once they lost it.
He should know; he'd done enough research into them once he'd realized what an outlier he was with all his broken bonds.
"We can be friends?" Shinsou's voice took on a desperate, begging quality, and Izuku…
He wasn't cruel, but he was so tired. "Not now."
Shinsou's eyes narrowed. "Because of my quirk?"
Izuku wanted to scream, but he settled for laughing through his tears, the sound more hurt than anything else. "It's not all about you, Shinsou! You aren't the only one who grew up with people telling you what you could do because of your quirk, you know! Mine didn't come in until the day of the Entrance Exam, so trust me, I know what it's like for people to say you can't be a hero!"
Fuck. He hadn't meant to say that. He hadn't wanted—
"I'm sorry." Shinsou took a step back, his hands now jammed into his pockets. "Shit, Midoriya, I'm so sorry. You were Quirkless. I can't imagine—" He shuddered, his eyes going distant.
Present Mic shouted something, and Izuku was abruptly reminded that the tournament was still happening, his finger was still broken, and he'd probably have to fight again soon. He needed to see Recovery Girl sooner rather than later.
But this wasn't all Shinsou's fault, and he didn't want to leave the other boy looking so devastated, no matter how heavily exhaustion weighed at his shoulders. If Fate had thought they'd be good soulmates, then maybe they would be good friends? Maybe it was worth trying?
"I have to go see Recovery Girl," he said. "Walk me there, and I'll give you my number. We can text, and see what happens. I think I'd like to be friends."
He'd at least like to try. If it didn't work out, it couldn't hurt more than a broken potential bond, right?
***
The next mark to appear, after finals, after Kacchan punched him for trying to work together and no one did anything, after summer camp and Kamino Ward and All Might's nightmare of a battle with All for One— had he wanted Izuku to fight that monster?— wasn't hard to figure out: a yin yang of flames and ice. It was the most beautiful mark he'd ever had, and it was terrifying at the same time.
It had to be Todoroki.
Shouto Todoroki was his friend, a real one, unlike whatever the hell Kacchan was and had been back when they'd shared soulmarks, and Izuku liked him. He didn't want to hurt their relationship, and Todoroki, for all his strength, was fragile in so many ways. It would be so easy for Izuku to be the one to accidentally break their bond without meaning to, and he never wanted Todoroki to have to feel that pain.
And at the same time, there was a small voice in his head saying that he knew that he wasn't good enough to be Todoroki's soulmate. He never had been enough for anyone before, even with his quirk, so why would Todoroki think differently? He was amazing, and Izuku was just… Izuku, boring and plain, and still hurting himself sometimes when he messed up with his quirk.
How could he possibly be a good match for Todoroki?
Fear kept him quiet. He was happy with the friendship he was developing with Todoroki; he didn't need anything more than that. Did he think that Todoroki was beautiful? Would he maybe like more than friendship one day? Yes, absolutely, to both. But he would be content with what he had, no matter how long it took for them to maybe find something else.
After all, look how long his Mom waited, and look who she got for waiting! All Might— Yagi Toshinori, really, since he'd retired, was making his mother blissfully happy. It was almost hard to be around them since they'd figured it out. Their happiness was wonderful, but it hurt, too.
Why couldn't he be happy like that?
And then guilt set in, because he was still so young! He had his whole life to make things work with his soulmate! He would settle down, everyone did eventually. Fate wouldn't let him live the rest of his life jumping from misery to misery, right? Everyone found a match eventually, right? It didn't matter that most people only had to go through one or two before they got their happily ever after, he'd always had it harder than others. He could keep working on it!
And since he was friends with Todoroki, really friends, that was a step in the right direction, wasn't it? Friendship would make it so much harder to stop the bond from accidentally breaking when something went wrong.
If he'd only known Shinsou before the Sports Festival, then maybe… But he had a chance now with Todoroki, a better one than he'd ever had before! He just had to—
"I don't want a soulmate."
Izuku's heart dropped, but he didn't feel that familiar sickening feeling of the bond between them breaking. Not yet. There was time; he could fix this! He just had to—
Todoroki was frowning at him, his eyes colder than Izuku had seen since he'd explained that he was the product of a quirk marriage. "I mean it, Izuku. This isn't something for you to fix."
"Th-that's your right," he managed to say. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "But F-f-f-fate isn't going to let you j-just be alone. You'll keep getting paired." He stopped to take a small breath and tried to blink back the tears in his eyes, and then he had to start again. "You'll keep getting paired until F-f-fate f-finds someone you can accept."
"And I'll keep rejecting them." Todoroki shook his head. "I don't expect you to understand, Izuku, but I do expect you to respect my decision. I won't be bound to another. Not like that. I've seen what happens when someone has control of someone else."
But that wasn't what it was supposed to be like! Soulmates weren't supposed to treat each other like Endeavor had treated Todoroki's mom. The tears spilled over, and Izuku sobbed before he could stop himself.
"We're friends though, right?" Couldn't they just stay friends who happened to have each other's soulmarks? He wasn't asexual, but he'd be fine with that! Platonic soulmates were a thing! "It doesn't have to be more than that, Todoroki!" He scrubbed the tears away from his eyes with angry hands. It was starting; he could feel it. The pain and nausea in the pit of his stomach was getting worse.
The bond was breaking. Once again, he wasn't enough. He was lucky that the pain of his broken bonds wasn’t exponential. He’d be dead if it was. Or in an asylum. How much more could he take?
A hand landed on his hair, soft and gentle. It was warmer than it should have been. Todoroki's fire half, then, not that Izuku could bring himself to look up as his heart broke yet again.
"Someone is going to be so lucky to have you, Midoriya," Todoroki said. "But not me. We're still friends, but I think we should take some time." He ruffled Izuku's hair, and then he was gone, walking away like he hadn't just shattered Izuku's heart again.
The pain hit, as it always did, and Izuku managed to make it to his room, where he muffled his scream, his sobs, into his pillow.
Why couldn't he ever be good enough? What was wrong with him that nobody wanted him? He'd thought when he was younger that it was his quirklessness, but now that he had a quirk, he still wasn't wanted! Was he just going to go through life, drifting from broken bond to broken bond?
How much more pain could Fate ask him to endure?
How long before he gave up, before he gave in to what the world was clearly trying to tell him?
He wasn't good enough, and no matter what, he never would be.
***
It wasn't until the start of his second year that he felt the familiar burning of a new soulmark coming in, and Izuku refused to look at it. He wasn't going to be able to avoid it forever; it was on his left shoulder, so he'd see it eventually, but he wasn't ready to start hoping again.
He was still so tired, and everything hurt so much. Part of it was recovering from the end of… everything. The League of Villains was gone, and all their chaos was finally over, and Izuku supposed he couldn't be blamed for being exhausted after all that. Who wouldn't be? And his hands hurt all the time, from having been broken so many times. They always would, apparently.
Who knew he'd get a chronic condition before his second year of high school?
So he absolutely wasn't ready for the knowledge that slapped him in the face when he caught sight of the new soulmark in the mirror about a week after it had come in.
"Fuck."
It wasn't going to last, which was a shame, because it was awfully cute. It was a black cat with red eyes and a tiny capture scarf curled around its little neck. There was literally no one else it could be other than Aizawa-sensei, and there was no possibility that he'd be willing to even attempt to keep a bond with Izuku.
Even after everything their class had been through together, Izuku was pretty sure that he was only one bad day from being expelled. Having his teacher's soulmark? That would probably send him right over the edge.
He'd lose his next potential soulmate and his chance at being a hero all at once.
Why did Fate hate him so much?