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"You want a date?" Ned asks, offering a pruney brown wrinkled specimen.
Peter stares at it for a second, and it reminds him of those days; the days when he starved himself and gave his food to Ned and MJ to eat, pride coursing through his veins because a meal was skipped; when he thought of it as a medal of honour that he went without a meal for 48 hours; the crying, the fits, the weight loss, the guilt; and of course, the incessant "Why aren't you eating" questions from everyone; and when dates were the only thing he ate to ensure he survived.
Looking at the date, Peter feels like puking. It's a sick reminder of the old days, one that Peter is not sure is good that it's over.It's no coincidence that he feels a slight pudge of a belly forming; he's been eating everything that's offered now. He got over that episode but...
He misses the weight loss.
"Peter?"
The trance is broken. Peter snaps up and looks at his best friend.
"Yeah?"
Ned looks concerned.
"You okay, man?"
Peter nods his head, a bit too quickly. Thoughts still swarm around his head: he remembers the rotten food smushed and hidden in the drawers of his room, away from May's prying eyes.
Bile swirls around in his stomach.
He really wants to puke now.
"Yeah. I- I'm fine."
It's hot. Sweaty. Ned's asking a lot of questions.
Peter wants to escape.
Kids run around the playground, screaming and squeaking chants and names. Balls are passed around, and a teacher with falcon eyes surveys the scene. It's constricting, closing around his throat.
Escape.
The date is still in Ned's hands. It's poking him, prodding his every being.
"I don't want it, Ned," Peter clarifies hoping that Ned eats it immediately, his voice raised a tinge. There's a strain behind it. Peter hopes that Ned doesn't hear it.
Ned assesses Peter for two more seconds and then shrugs. He plops it into his mouth and chews on it. Peter can see the outline of it in Ned's mouth. Saliva floods his mouth and Peter is a step away from throwing up.
He abruptly looks away.
He really thought he was over his eating disorder, that it was all in the past. But episodes like these were reminders; regular reminders of what he went through. And it burns through him.
What's worse is that a selfish part of him wants to be sick again. He liked the control. Correction: he still likes it.
A small part of his brain still restricts and counts the calories of what he eats. It's a matter of pride for him when he stifles the grumble of his empty stomach and chooses to wait out the hunger. He notices what MJ eats and makes it a point to eat lesser. Always.
Maybe, Peter realises, with a sinking thought. The monster was coming back. And for the first time, the prospect of going back to dates and water did not want to make him puke again. Life had been uncertain for quite some time and he liked the idea of getting some control back… even if it meant comrading with the enemy.