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They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. And they're right, it does, but mostly the things that were important. Decisions you've made that led to this place, to the voices calling to me. So yeah, I do see my family and old friends flash but those weren't the instances that lasted the longest. Though I love them, they weren't the biggest part of my life.
The first thing I see is my classroom filling with students. And then she walks thro ugh the door. The tiny blonde that will forever change my life, and she doesn't even know it. I'm sure I'm about to come upon many regrets in these flashes, but this certainly isn't one. She may never have loved me the way I came to love her, but that doesn't even matter. I'd go through all the heartache again just to be friends with Laura Hollis.
Then we’re in Laura's old dorm room, the infamous 307. I'm watching her lecture me about how she doesn't need another father, how she has that covered already. I watched myself as my heart shattered. Looking back at this now, I should have listened. If anything Laura has proven over and over that she can indeed take care of herself. She never really needed a hero, she was a hero. She was my hero. More brave than I ever have been. I wish I could tell her that now.
Suddenly I'm in a dark cavern. The pit. I look to my right and there she is, lying on the ground exactly where I found her last semester. You'd think I might regret the decision to take Carmilla back to Laura, but I really don't. I never could. She might be the biggest pain in the ass ever to exist, but she was brave in her own way for her own reasons. Even if that reason, which was in all likeli hood her only reason, was Laura. Even if that broke my heart even more, she did save us. And she made Laura happy. I couldn't deny my friend her happiness. So no, I didn't regret this. I'm glad I dragged that stupid vampire out of the pit. She wasn't so bad and Laura could definitely do worse .
And then I'm in the apartment. Everyone is there. I've just betrayed my best friend because I did what I'm so very skilled at doing, acting before thinking. My sisters were dead and I did the only thing that came to mind, turn in the vampires. They were the only suspects, right? Well, Mattie anyways. For all her brooding, Carmilla wasn't a threat and I knew it but my sisters were dead and Mattie was the only one who could have-
The crunch of the locket. Regret swept over me like a hurricane. It occurs to me, now of all the times it could have, that I'm a killer. Taking someone's life who, as they lay dying, is still proclaiming their innocence. I'm no better than the vampires. No better than Vordenburg . Sure, she was crunching my ribs, but I didn't have to kill her. That locket in my possession would have been enough to get her to release me. Here I was so convinced she was the killer that, despite the lack of evidence, I took it upon myself to exact vengea nce. If I could have a do over, this would be it. This is where I hurt more than I helped, and I can see that now. This is probably also where I sealed my fate. Why now I'm looking up at glassy brown eyes as my sight begins to fade. So many things I want to say to her. How I adore her. How she's been my inspiration and my hero. S o many of those things would just make this worse for her. So I tell her what I think will help, whether it's true or not.
"I meant what I said before, and I'm not scared. You remember that. I'm not scared. I'm not-"
The darkness is pulling me down and I'm swimming home.