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Blood.
There was blood everywhere.
He tried to recall why, what had happened, but failed.
There was blood on the ground, painting the pavement a dark red and collecting in shallow grooves, crawling towards and away from him all the same.
There was blood on blond strands too and soon, when Kei kneeled down to wipe it off that pale face, it was covering his palms as well. Red, cold blood that made Niichan’s skin look even paler.
Not even the moon was safe, he noticed, looming above them in the night sky, huge and frightening and as red as the cold liquid that slowly began seeping through Kei’s pants.
It had been ages that Kei had last touched his brother’s cheek or hand and when he tried weaving their fingers together now, his heart clenched painfully at how cold they were. At how they didn’t press back and at how Niichan didn’t even blink or smile at him.
And Niichan always smiled at him.
Always.
Even when Kei was mean or distant. Even when Kei walked past him, refusing to answer one of his brother’s questions, even then, Niichan still smiled at him.
“Niichan,” Kei heard himself croak and found that he wasn’t able to say anything besides that one word he had used so much when he had been younger, the pain choking him.
There was no smile now, only pale, slack lips and unfocused, dull eyes that seemed to be staring right into his soul and at nothing at all, feelings of guilt and regret tearing at Kei’s heart.
“Niichan,” he rasped again, leaning closer and over the other’s body to make his voice appear louder despite him being unable to raise it, hoping that this was just some bad joke and that his brother would soon blink and grin and that Kei could hit him for making him worry like that.
But even after what felt like an eternity, nothing happened.
“Niichan.” Trembling fingers brushed along the cold skin of his brother’s face again, wiping away tears that had dropped onto the other’s cheek and forehead, but only succeeded in leaving red streaks wherever he touched.
Their foreheads met and all of a sudden, violent sobs shook him and Kei couldn’t even stammer his brother’s name anymore.
Cold voices rang in his ears, causing him to cry even harder at the cruel words they carried.
Dead, they said. Dead. Dead. Dead.
“Kei,” one of the voices finally said, distant and surreal and crueler than the rest of them because it sounded just like his brother’s. Warm and gentle and forgiving and Kei turned his head sideways a bit to keep from getting snot all over Niichan’s face. He wiped it away with his hand instead.
It wasn’t his brother’s voice. It couldn’t be him. Because Niichan’s mouth hadn’t moved one bit, Kei was sure of that. He was sure because he had been staring at his face all this time, hadn’t averted his eyes, not even for a second. Niichan’s mouth was still slack, the colour already faded from slightly parted lips.
“Kei,” he heard the voice again, closer now and much clearer than before and wondered if that was the first step to losing his mind.
It was just his imagination, his mind playing tricks on him to make this a bit easier for him but only ending up making it worse.
Without a warning, strong hands grabbed his arms to pull him away from his brother.
“No,” Kei found himself whimpering, almost begging to please just leave him there. “No.” To please don’t take Niichan away from him.
“Niichan,” he whimpered again, trying to shake the hands off while desperately clinging to his brother’s cold body. But the hands didn’t show any mercy and kept drawing him away further until the fabric of his brother’s hoodie slipped between his fingers and he began shouting ‘no’ over and over again, like a mantra that would help him bring his brother back.
“Kei!” Hot breath washed over his face and Kei squeezed his eyes shut, trashing left and right to free himself from the other person’s hold, to no avail. Seconds later, his wrists were pushed down into the soft asphalt and when he ripped his eyes open to send hateful looks at whoever it was that was now pinning him down, Kei found himself staring into familiar amber orbs, filled with worry and confusion.
“Kei, stop it!” His brother’s voice hissed and suddenly the asphalt was gone, replaced by a soft mattress.
“Wake up!” Niichan told him and it took Kei a moment to realise that he wasn’t outside but in his room and that his brother did not lie motionless on the ground, covered in blood but leaning right over him, totally fine.
“Calm down, Kei. It was just a dream, you hear me?” The other’s hand squeezed Kei’s hard before it’s grip loosened and a split second later, Kei felt his brother’s warm touch at his cheek. “Everything’s okay, see?”
It had been a dream.
All of it.
Niichan was fine.
He was warm and breathing and talking and smiling that soft smile that Kei had wanted to see so badly only minutes ago.
“Some dreams can be really bad, huh?” His brother whispered, wiping the wetness from under Kei’s eyes with the gentle stroke of his thumb.
“Niichan,” Kei breathed, his lips trembling and his mouth dry and when the other answered with a hushed “yeah?” Kei’s arms shot out in one swift motion and curled around Niichan’s neck, drawing him down and squeezing as tightly as they could.
“Woa, Kei,” he heard the other’s muffled voice against the side of his face and suddenly felt his heart clench again, although for different reasons than before.
Niichan was fine. He was warm. His body was warm, just like his cheek against Kei’s. His brother was breathing warm breath and if he concentrated, Kei could even feel Niichan’s heartbeat drum steadily against his chest, warm blood rushing through his veins.
Gods, he was such a kid.
Unbidden, tears began streaming down his face again, along his cheeks and over his chin until they finally soaked his brother’s shirt while Kei’s fingers dug deeper into the fabric and flesh underneath, refusing to let go this time. Afraid that someone would drag him away again.
At first, he hadn’t even noticed all the embarrassing noises he made, the sobbing and whimpering, and when he finally did, he was already too far gone to keep more from escaping his mouth.
“Shhh,” the other said, running his fingers through Kei’s hair. The sound sent shivers down Kei’s spine, suddenly reminding him of passing cars, the ones he had seen and heard in that dream he wished he could just forget already.
“It’s okay,” Niichan whispered in his ear before pressing a long kiss to it’s shell, warm breath tickling Kei’s skin and driving a tingle down his spine.
If course it was okay.
Of course it was.
“It was just a dream,” Kei heard the other mumble anew and couldn’t help another little whine that made him feel embarrassed and stupid and weak a split second later but made Niichan shove his arms under Kei’s back and hold him tight and press a kiss to his cheek again.
A dream, yes.
It had only been a dream and soon he wouldn’t even remember it anymore. Soon the pictures would stop flashing before his eyes. They’d blur and disappear, just like the awful feeling in his chest and stomach. Just a few more minutes and he’d find the strength to let go of his brother.
Just a few more minutes …
“It’s fine now, Kei. I’m here.” Gentle fingers continued weaving through his hair, as comforting as Niichan’s heartbeat and the soft hum that vibrated in the other’s throat.
It was then that Kei’s eyes drifted past blond hair and to the window, where a huge red moon stared back at him. His breath caught in his throat and he instinctively gripped his brother tighter. The moon wasn’t as big and not nearly as red as it had been in his dream, but it still filled him with unease, made his heart race.
“I’m telling you,” his brother whispered, squeezing him tighter before loosening his hold again. “It’s fine now.”
“Why is it red?” Kei found himself wondering, his voice barely more than a whisper and raw from crying.
“What?” Niichan asked in return, brushing his nose along the side of Kei’s face.
“The moon,” he breathed, unable to avert his eyes. “Why is the moon red?”
The other shifted and tried to get out of Kei’s grip, to take a look at the moon most likely, but soon gave up with a soft sigh when Kei refused to let go.
“Today is the total lunar eclipse,” his brother said softly. “I thought you knew.”
When Kei didn’t reply, his brother went on. “When there’s a full moon and the Earth casts it’s shadow on it and eclipses it, it’s possible for the moon to get a red colour. They sometimes call that a blood moon, you know?”
A blood moon indeed, Kei thought and couldn’t help recalling how it had looked in his dream. A blood moon as dark red as the puddle his brother’s body had lain in.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Niichan mumbled and Kei could almost hear the smile in his voice.
“It already moved past my window so I was just about to sit down on the porch. To watch it, you know? That’s when I heard you …”
Beautiful.
The word kept echoing through Kei’s head, filling him with a feeling he didn’t quite know how to call.
Beautiful.
No, not really.
Scary, yes. That’s what it was. Scary.
It made Kei uneasy. It scared him.
A total lunar eclipse was something special, something beautiful, yet right now it scared him, much like those huge thunderstorms had when he had been a kid.
It was silly, he knew that.
Silly and childish and yet he couldn’t help feeling that way and clutching Niichan tighter.
“Hey,” his brother’s voice cut through the silence again. “Wanna watch it together?”
Kei really wanted to say ‘no’.
He wanted to shake his head and loosen his grip and tell his brother that he’d go back to sleep because he just wasn’t interested in watching that stupid moon. Not together and not on his own.
Yet the moment he opened his mouth to do so, Kei saw his brother’s eyes flash in front of his, dull and lifeless, like they had been in his dream, and all of a sudden he found himself rasping a soft ‘yes’ instead.
It wasn’t like he’d be able to go back to sleep soon anyway so it probably wouldn’t hurt staring at the night sky a bit rather than at the ceiling of his room.
No.
It wouldn’t hurt watching that moon with his brother because really, Kei decided remembering that horrible dream, this time he absolutely didn’t want to look at it alone.