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It wasn’t looking good for the both of us. Judging by the tense and oppressive atmosphere of Heavenly Host, I doubted we would get out of here alive. The longer Naomi and I wandered these claustrophobic walls without any means of escape, the more I was sure we would die here.
She was already panicking and starting to give up so I put on a positive mood to cheer her up. Of course, I wasn’t really believing in my own words either, I was just as scared and confused as she was.
Ever since we did that charm with Shinozaki-chan, everything stopped making sense. We were transported to this weird place, ghosts were around, and so many horrible corpses. It was easy to lose spirit in such a gloomy place.
All the windows and doors were locked. In fact, they felt immovable. How was my family doing back home? I bet they were wondering where I was. Would they feel the way I did when mom disappeared?
That crushing despair tugged at my heart. I pushed it away and focused on Naomi again.
We were resting atop the infirmary beds. It was a bit dusty, but it reminded me of the sleepovers Naomi and I used to have. Those peaceful days felt so far away now.
She seemed to be in slightly better spirits as she gushed over Mochida-kun. A deep but familiar sadness welled over me as she spoke. Of course Naomi would never want to be with me in that way. I’m a girl. I was lucky enough to be considered her best friend. Satoshi would make her a lot happier than I ever could.
And yet, the more she spoke of him, the more I wanted to tell her how I truly felt. Maybe it was because the circumstances now were dire. Maybe I wanted to admit it without having any regrets.
The same anxieties plagued my mind as we spoke that meaningless chatter. What if she hates me? What if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore? What if she thinks I’m disgusting…?
My heart pounded loudly in my chest as I let out a faint hearted laugh. I didn’t want to die here without ever saying how I felt. Naomi cared about me so she surely wouldn’t toss me aside like that. I had to believe in her more.
“Seiko? You look like you’ve been spacing out for a while now.”
Naomi interrupted my thoughts. I guess she could see through my facade finally. I must have been slipping.
“I was just lost in how bouncy your boobs are~ Mochida-kun is a lucky man~”
I teased but she rolled her eyes, pursing her lips. She was used to these types of jokes from me by now. It always annoyed her but she couldn’t help but laugh it off and call me a weirdo. Thank goodness I was born a girl.
“Be serious, Seiko. I can tell something is wrong.”
She wasn’t budging. One thing about Naomi was that she was very perceptive and stubborn. I loved that about her. She always cared so much about her friends.
“...I don’t know if you’d understand what I’m saying.”
I cautiously said, rolling over on my back to stare at the dark ceiling. I felt more sick and uncomfortable the more I thought about it. Maybe I should just change the subject before it’s too late.
“Try me.”
Naomi challenged me and I tried to think of how I could put it into words without upsetting both myself and her.
Come on, Seiko. This is your only chance. You don’t know what will happen later on, so spill it out while you still can.
“Naomi… I like you.”
It was the simplest way I could say it and yet it was really embarrassing to say out loud. She hesitated in responding for a while before laughing in confusion.
“I like you too, Seiko. What are you going on about?”
Right. She didn’t know what I meant. How could she? I smiled bitterly to myself as my cheeks flushed red.
“No, I like you… in the way you like Mochida-kun…”
I said in a faint whisper and I felt Naomi’s mouth pop in a surprised gasp. I quickly continued talking before she could reject me.
“But I know you love him and I’m happy for you. I really hope he can make you happy or else I’ll punish him!”
“Seiko… I…”
“Hahaha! It’s okay! I know you don’t feel that way for me. I just wanted to say it since we’re in this weird situation. I’m sorry. Just ignore what I said.”
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I rolled over to my side, completely facing away from her now. What have I done? This feels a thousand times worse than keeping it a secret after all. I should have just taken this to my grave.
“I had no idea, Seiko. I never meant to hurt you by talking about Satoshi-kun all the time.”
She sounded truly apologetic as I wiped my eyes. I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me. I truly liked seeing her eyes light up as she would excitingly babble. Even if sometimes, I selfishly wanted her to look at me like that too.
I got up and laughed again, the tears wouldn’t stop. We could have enjoyed these final moments enjoying each other’s presence and resting, but I had ruined it.
“I’ll be right back. I need to wash up.”
I headed towards the door but she grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
“It’s true that I love Satoshi-kun, Seiko. But, I also really love you too.”
Well that just wasn’t fair. When she said words like that, it truly felt like she was leading me on. Loving me was different than loving him. That was just a fact.
Why couldn’t I have just been born a boy?
I didn’t say anything and hung my head in defeat.
“Naomi, can I ask you for one thing, even if you don’t mean anything by it?”
I asked in a quiet voice.
“What is it?”
“Can you kiss me? I’ve never kissed anyone before and I don’t know if we’re going to get out of here so I want my first kiss to be with you.”
I pleaded, turning to face her with glossy eyes. She looked taken aback and her cheeks flushed pink.
“K-kiss? But we’re both girls…”
“I know. I’m sorry that I wasn’t born a boy. But please… it hurts so much.”
I was letting my selfishness win. It was true. It truly did hurt so much for a long time. It was my pain that I carried all by myself and it was all slipping away.
She contemplated for a moment and I closed my eyes, awaiting her answer. Her answer could either satisfy or destroy me. There would be no in-between anymore.
I felt her gently press her lips against mine and my feelings for her were confirmed. I was able to kiss her before Satoshi was. I was able to taste her soft and sweet lips. Tears trickled down my cheeks for I knew this would be the first and final kiss we would ever share.
I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her warm body closer to mine. The kiss we shared lingered, until we both slowly opened our eyes and stared at each other. I smiled sadly at her, thankful for her kindness.
“Stupid Seiko. We will get out of here together.”
She muttered, resting her forehead against mine. Wouldn’t that be nice if it could be true?
“Will we still be friends?”
I asked childishly and she laughed.
“Of course. Nothing has changed between us.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
She wrapped her pinky in mine and warmth covered the sorrow in my heart for the time being.
===
I had long since died when Naomi held my corpse crying. My spirit was standing directly beside her but she couldn’t see me. We couldn’t keep our promise after all.
By some miracle, Satoshi-kun found her and convinced her to leave my side.
“Seiko! I can’t leave Seiko behind! She has to come with us!”
She screamed, clutching onto my body. It was enough to know she loved me this much to stay with me. But… this isn’t what I want.
You have to live on, Naomi. You have to go back without me.
I stared at Satoshi and he seemed to see me there too. Our eyes met.
“Please, protect her in my place from now on.”
I said and he seemed to hear me.
He lifted her off of me and brought her to reality.
“Nakashima-san… Seiko wouldn’t want you to die. We have to get out of here and find the others.”
He said in a calm yet saddened voice. Naomi cried and clung to him like a child, but she finally understood.
They slowly walked off until they disappeared into the darkness.
Thank you, Naomi.
I love you.
Please make it out alive and…
Don’t forget about me.