Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

( this is a continuation of the clarity meme )

"Craig...I-I'm pregnant."
Bugbo's already pink face was flushing with nervousness. They'd been Teenage Demon Babying just before, but Bugbo worried this could end their beautiful relationship.
Craigs eyes widened with surprise, but to Bugbo's relief, his face turned into an expression of joy. Craig couldn't believe it, he was going to be a father.
"Let's name the baby...Crugbo..."
He felt joyful tears sting his widened eyes, he threw his arms around Bugbo and embraced him.
Bugbo couldn't believe it himself, he was going to be a dad...
Suddenly, bugbo exclaimed in pain, his stomach rapidly growing. He was very pregnant.
"C-Craig...our baby..."
Craig pulled away from the hug and took Bugbo's hand.
"Don't worry my little easy bake oven. We'll get you to the hospital."
Bugbo blushed at the nickname...looking deep into his alpha's beautiful deep blue eyes...
The moment was ruined again as Bugbo felt another pain.
"H-hurry! Our baby's c-coming!"
Bugbo felt his contractions...he, for a second, wondered if he should trip down the stairs and terminate his baby. There was no time, because he was already 10 minutes pregnant. The baby was coming.
Craig took Bugbo and quickly rushed to the hospital, his big buff alpha legs made it easy to run very fast. He carried Bugbo carefully, bridal style.
Craig bursted through the double doors of the hospital, using his rock hard abs and beefy arm.
"My husband! He's having a baby!"
The doctors turned sharply in alarm, rushing over to take Bugbo to the delivery room. For a moment, Bugbo and Craig shared a look, gazing into eachothers eyes, getting lost in eachother.
"Good luck, sweetcheeks."
Craig flashed Bugbo one last smile before the doctors took him to the room.
Craig waited anxiously in the waiting room, worrying for his husband and his baby. The worst of scenarios danced around his mind for what felt like forever, until a doctor came to get him.
"Mr.Alpha Tucker, your babys been delivered."
Craig jumped up from his seat, eagerly rushing to the room to see his baby.
It was...
pink, like Bugbo, and had his emerald green eyes. It had craigs hat. It had tentacles dangling from its face, and a disgustingly large forehead.
Craig stared at it.
"It's...beautiful."
He gave the most genuine smile he could muster in the moment.
"Our little Crugbo."

Chapter Text

"I hate Crugbo."
Muted Pip leaned against the wall of the evil cave.
"Bugbo deserves someone like me."
Muted Pip had been Bugbo's mistress very briefly, but Bugbo and Craig have since been faithful to eachother.
"Whatever it takes to get them to join the party..."
Beelzebub paced around the evil cave, looking at the members of the party. It was just Muted Pip and Beelzebub, and for some reason Clyde followed them around.
"No matter what I say they never join-"
"That's because they love eachother and don't want Bugbo to get gay married to me!" Muted Pip interrupted, quieting Beelzebub.
"Let's kill Crugbo."
Clyde spoke up, for like, the first time. That proposal took the others aback.
"Kill Crugbo? The baby?" Beelzebub shook his head "How will we get it without Bugbo noticing?"
Clyde stepped closer. "Bugbo goes to bed at 8."
Muted Pip and Clyde grinned very evilly.

Beelzebub didn't smile.
"You wouldn't kill a baby would you?!" Crugbo was just born, it seemed too cruel. Muted Pip's smile faded and it turned to Beelzebub.
"What?"
It started to walk to Beelzebub.
"You aren't secretly rooting for crugbo, are you?" It glared at him, with his bright red glowing eyes. They kind of reminded Beelzebub of School Shooter Kyle's eyes.
"No, of course I'm not!" Beelzebub protested, "I just wouldn't kill a newborn baby."
"Well I would." Clyde kept his very evil grin.
"And we will." Muted Pip dropped the glare, "Let's get to the hospital."
Clyde and Muted Pip left Beelzebub behind in the evil cave, and headed to the hospital.

Chapter Text

Beelzebub watched as Clyde and muted Pip left. They walked quickly, they were on a mission after all.
Beelzebub couldn't believe it.
They were so quick to set off to murder a baby, it was so cruel. He felt in his heart that he wanted to go save Crugbo, but that would be taking Craig and Bugbo's side.
Beelzebub was not on their side.
But, he didn't want to side with baby murderers. Beelzebub was torn. And Crugbo was also soon to be torn...in half.
He paced, he rolled around on the ground, he backflipped....
he didnt know what to do! There was nothing to do, if he saved Crugbo, he'd be a traitor. If he let them kill Crugbo, he would never forgive himself.
He could try and talk them out of it, but they'd get suspicious. He could warn Craig and Bugbo- but muted Pip was sure to beat him to the hospital.
Beelzebub made a phone call.

Chapter Text

Brrrring....rinngggg....

A phone rang in a dark, dark room.
A room with padded walls.
It took a minute, but he finally picked up.

On the other side of the call, Beelezub was surprised, surprised that he got an answer.
He exclaimed,
"School shooter Kyle! You answered!"

There was silence.
Beelzebub cleared his throat
"I have a favor-"

"My teeth! They were knocked in!"
The man on the phone cried out.
Beelzebub knew this story well, but he was willing to let him tell it. Just one last time.

School shooter Kyle continued,
"I was supposed to die!"
Beelzebub sighed.
"You'll be excited to do what I want you to.."
School shooter Kyle was now intrigued..
"Kyle, can you shoot up Maple Hospital?"

Chapter Text

School shooter Kyle burst through the double doors, gun in hand.
"ARE YOU GUYS READY TO SEE THE WORK OF A TRUE ABSURDIST?"
Kyle had his hands on his gun, although his fursuit paws made it hard to wield.
He'd been so ready for this moment, all his life, but he felt himself tremble.
He was too much of a pussy to actually shoot anything up.
Muted Pip was ahead of him, already headed to the elevator. School shooter Kyle gasped, and took off toward him.
"Hey! You're the kind of person that creates school shooters!"
Kyle shouted and ran with all he could, but Pip continued on without acknowledging him at all.
Kyle threw his gun on the floor, angry.
"Why won't they pay attention to me?! My teeth! My teeth! They were knocked in!"
He stomped, he crossed his arms and waited for the elevator to open.
Clyde soon also came running to the elevator door, having lost muted Pip in the hallway.
"The baby! He's gonna kill it without me!"
School shooter Kyle looked over at Clyde,
"Are you two absurdists too?"
Clyde looked disgusted. He shook his head.
"Then why are you killing a baby?"
"Because...I don't know. Pip wants to and I'm just following them around."
School shooter Kyle picked his gun back up, and smiled.
"Count me in."
Clyde stepped away from him,
"Yeeeeaaah no."
Clyde wanted nothing to do with Kyle. Not only was he greasy as hell, but he could smell his diaper...and not to mention he was literally wearing fursuit paws.
"Why?!"
School shooter Kyle frowned, making sure to show off his fake teeth every time he spoke.
"It's uhh... it's written into my baby-killing au" , Clyde tried to make up a lie that Kyle wouldn't argue with.
"Oh!"
Kyle's mood changed completely, and he walked back out of the hospital.
Clyde sighed, the elevator door finally opened. He got in and pressed the 3rd floor button, that's the floor Crugbo was just delivered on.
He made it to the 3rd floor, and walked through the hall, he didn't know what room they were in.
"Clyde! Over here!"
Muted Pip was waiting outside of a room, knives in hand.
"Oh, is that the room?"
"No, I'm just waiting here...yes its the room!"
Clyde rolled his eyes and took a knife that Pip offered him.
"You ready?" , muted Pip looked over at Clyde, putting his hand on the room's door handle.
"Yeah, I guess."

Chapter Text

Muted Pip and Clyde slowly opened the door, creeping in bunkularly, still trying to maintain the secrecy of their mission. Craig and Bugbo were too focused on their new baby to notice the murder about to take place.
Bugbo couldn't have been happier in the moment,
"He's so bunkular."
Craig smiled and nodded, despite how disgustingly bunkular Crugbo really was. He was just happy Bugbo was happy.
Just when things were their best, when the air was filled with bunkularity, Clyde snuck up behind Craig, and pushed him to the ground. Craig cried out,
"No! They're gonna bunkulate our baby!"
Pip took the ugly baby from Bugbo, but it was still slippery, and wiggled out of Pip's bunkular grasp on it. Still, the baby was dropped, and that was damaging in its own right. Pip went to grab Crugbo again, and made sure to hold him tightly.
Bugbo screamed as loud as he could, and Clyde quickly scrambled to the chair next to the hospital bed and shoved it against the door, blocking doctors from coming in and stopping the attack.
"My baby! Doctors! Hurry! Catch these bunkulators!"
Bugbo still screamed, despite Clyde adding to the barricade at the door, decreasing the chance of the baby being saved.
Pip raised his knife, smiling bunkularly. Craig saw that his newborn, very ugly, baby was seconds away from dying, and finally got up to try and help.
But, suddenly, everyone stopped in their tracks, hearing the loud banging at the door. They heard a second loud banging...
but this one wasn't knocking, this noise was too bunkular to be knocking.
Bugbo hoped this bunkulating was someone bunkular coming to save them. Coming to save their baby.
Bugbo was bunkular.
The door soon had multiple tiny holes in it, from gunshots.
"Stop!" someone yelled.
Not just anyone, it was Beelzebub. He betrayed the evil gang, the party he worked so hard to assemble, he was doing something that would break it up, he couldn't handle the bunkularity of his two party-mates' plan. He had to do something.
Luckily, as he was coming in, School Shooter Kyle was leaving. Beelzebub didn't expect him to pass up shooting up somewhere, especially somewhere that had children in it, but it wasn't unheard of for Kyle to back out of something. Beelzebub had gotten the gun from Kyle after some fighting...he had to knock his teeth in again...
but now he was armed and able to stand up for what he believed in.
Baby murder was wrong!
What a revelation, all his life, all his time in the evil gang, he'd seen people not protesting baby murder,
he was gonna stand out, be bunkular, like when he discovered the symbolism of the song and choreography of All You Wanna Do from SIX.
He was the only person to ever do this by the way.
He shot the door, after trying to push it open, he shot with such bunkularity, he needed to get in.
Clyde threw Bugbo out of the hospital bed, as Pip backed against a corner, still bunkularly holding Crugbo, making sure it doesn't wiggle out.
Bugbo yelled in pain, having just given birth as well as being thrown out of his bed. Clyde ripped the mattress off of the hospital bed, and pushing it against the door, to block the gunshots.
Beelzebub was bunkulated, he needed to stop this bunkularity.
Pip realized that the time was rapidly draining, he held the baby out, and stabbed it.
He killed Crugbo.
Crugbo whispered, on its last baby breath."...bunkular."

Chapter Text

As soon as Crugbo had lived he had died, by the hands of a brit.
Muted Pip and Clyde forced open the hospital window, and made their escape, leaving Craig and Bugbo, their now dead baby, and Beelzebub trying to shoot his way into the room. The man shooting the gun at the door had no idea his targets were gone, and at this rate may shoot through the barricade Clyde built and harm one of the two still in there. As far as he was concerned, the baby was still alive and Pip and Clyde were still in there and there was a chance of saving the day, but he was bunkularly wrong. There wasn't any hope at either saving Crugbo or catching the murderers. Craig and Bugbo would've called something out to let Beelzebub know, but the stun of the events that just happened was too strong for them to speak. Craig slowly went to the door, and removed the mattress pushed against it, then quickly pulled away. Beelzebub, having an obstacle removed, bunkularly burst through the door. 

Beelzebub was bunkular.             

He lowered his gun, looking carefully at the two, making sure he didn't bunkulate them. 

like that one time he said a slur in the 5th grade.

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Chapter Text

Mourning the loss of their baby, Craig and Bugbo decided it was time to spice things up, if you catch my drift.
Right there in the hospital room.
With Beelzebub's slur saying self still in the room
Craig bunkularly ripped off his pants and tucker tighty whities in one swoop, and went to take his Pennsylvania to Bugbo's Virginia,
but then,
seven holy trumpets.
Jesus descends down from heaven, in sexy jesus lingerie, lookin all cute winky face.
"Woah." Craig says, his alpha abs and wolf ears glimmering.
"Wh-what...?" Bugbo asks
"Sorry babe...I've got to go to space."
Craig and Jesus lock hands, and beautifully ascend together.
It is so bunkular.

Jesus and Craig look into eachothers eyes,
"Being gay isn't a sin if it's with the big J..." Craig said.
"Thats not the only thing thats big winky face" said Jesus, "My weenie is harder to carry around than the cross winky face"
Jesus whipped out his 22 inchie
and took his holy pennsylvania to craigs bootginia.
winky face.

Chapter Text

Jesus and craig did it and it was awesome, but then craig realized something HORRIBLE. Uh oh. Jesus had nooo holes in his hand (so it not jesus) but it too late cuz craig is already TEN MINUTES PREGNANT.! uh oh.
Craig say "ur not jesus... ur satan. AHHH!"
Sanat grinned "yesssssss and ur pregant" craig frowned. uh oh. good thing they ascended right above maple hospital so that they can go back down!!!!!!
Craig goes in to maple hospital and says "I AM SO PREGNANT PLS HELP" and Dr.Leen say "ok come with me"
Craig gives birth to a 19 year old baby named Damien McChickenwing. he look really gay and wear Hawaiian shirt, but Craig knows hellpark is problematic so he disowns him right away and runs (it very painful cuz his bootginia is still GAPING WIDE OPEN UH OH!) far from Maple hospitle. Maple hospiyal is in canada (i think) and craig runs so far he runs all the way through united states and texas and lands in Mexico. How he did that?
In mexico its very orange and tumbleweed and there is distant music always playing because thats just how mexico is okay. In mexico craig sees a familiar face. ITS JESUS!
"Jesus what are you doing here" craig asked
'I love caseoh and i heard he was here"
craig frowned uh oh he said "um caseoh not here. only queso." craig wore a sombrero to show he know a lot about mexico.
Wait. this is getting a bit RACIST.
Craig walked right out of mexico as jesus cried (cuz no caseoh only queso). he will write to him later. prolly.
Craig went to california cuz theyre pretty woke over there I think. Oh god. I was right. Craig was overwhelmed by the amount of blue hair and pronouns he saw. but he is gay so i guess he fits in? Craig looked around at all of the rainbow flags and black fists (or rainbow flags with black fists uh oh) and felt his SKIN CRAWL. EWWWWWWW. Wait. Was that racist? Craig suddenly felt a wave of tolerance within him. he wanted to kiss the next black person he saw. but he didnt cuz he loves consent (but not more than he loves minorities). He now frolicked around in all of the rainbow and black fists and never felt more at peace, he knew he was where he belonged..but there was a big issue. He has no house and no friends in california. Craig shouted out 'WHERE CAN A WOKE GUY LIKE ME GET A HOUSE?" everyone saw that he was super woke and goodhearted, so Kamala Harris herself (Queen!) flew out immedieately and gifted craig his very own mansion that also doubles as a black lgbtq history musem. awesome. But craig still had no friends..

Chapter Text

Craig looked out of the window of his black lgbtq history musem and house and felt sad even tho he was very tolerant. he had no friends.
He went on twitter IMMEDIEATELY to get some friends. or hot chicks. but he will value those chicks and fight for their bodily autonomy. fist emoji. scrolling through twitter, craig found someone as woke as him. Who was this diva?
Craig commented under their very long character analysis post to come to the black lgbtq history museum.

LATER!!!!!!!

Craig heard a knock at his museum mansion door and when he answered, it was the twitter diva.
Fake italian Pavi.
"Have you heard of Risa Schariac?" Fake Italian Pavi didn't even bother to introduce themself. sigh.
"No who is that im willing to learn cuz im so open minded and tolerant." Craig said
"Skibidi!!" Fake italian Pavi said because they are COOKED.
"I respect your opinion. fist emoji." Craig let Fake Italian Pavi into his mansion/history museum so that they can be best friends forever.
"Can we watch skibidi toilet!!!!!!!" Fake italian Pavi is so cooked. what stage of the infection is this? OOh mama that burn! pruple heart.
Craig turned on skibidi fortnite because he is not ageist and will indulge in gen alpha brainrot because he is open minded and woke.
Craig zoned out thinking about how much he loves plus sized queens and how he can support body positivity in modeling agencies....but he noticed Fake Italian Pavi was looking kind of sad. Craig asked "Why are you so sad Fake Italian Pavi?"
Fake Italian Pavi sighed..
"Racism."

Chapter Text

Beelzebub is HORNSWAGGLED. so is bugbo but that aint important! lolLll. jesus (who was actually satan) and craig (who was married ?? to bugbo) had STEAMY SEX in fornt of him and bugbo and it was insane. And then they ascended which was also crazy i guess.
"that was crazy!" Beelzebub said captain obvious ughh. Wait. Crazy?
Crazy?
A train crashed into the hospital room and started singing about how it was so crazzyyyy. it kind of sounded like ... jordan fisher...... or it will in the future. alien emoji. lol,
'WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1" said bugbo even tho this was not the weirdest thing that happened 2day.
"mama a train behind you." said Beelzebub to Bugbo. Bugbo NOTICED UGHHH.
"Im rustbob!"
"Rusty?" Bugbo asked. Rusty RAN UP ON BUGBO. owww.
"Call me rusty if u dareee" Rusty said. Bugbo dared i guess and look what happened. "Anyways I came here to get an illegal sex change operation because the prisons were all full. My boyfriend Luther said I should." uh ohh
Beelzebub is actually certfided in giving illegal sex change operations to illegal aliens while on illegal substances, so it all ok!
"I can do that!!" Beelzebub say.
"Huzzah!" Rusty said "do it right now!!!"
Beelzebub got right to business giving Rusty his sex change. uh oh. it botched. oh nooo. Rust...
Rustshe has an angry inch. Uh oh. oh no.

Chapter Text

In California ( the Woke state ) Craig watched the news very anxiously. He is very open minded so he is not opposed to either political party. Craig wears his "I voted" sticker with pride, but he cannot disclose his political affiliation because he doesn't want to offend anyone.
"Who did you vote for, Fake Italian Pavi?"
"The Gleeks! Boe Jiden!"
Craig has no idea what the flip a gleek is, but he is open minded and doesn't want to be politically incorrect because that is the WORST thing a person could be.
"What is a Gleek?"
"Skibididiii!"
Oh my god Fake Italian Pavi is beyond cooked.

(This was written before election results so go to chapter 13 if Kamala wins and chapter 14 if Trump wins)

Chapter Text

Craig wokedly watches the news as Kamala Harris gets to 270 votes.
Both him and Fake Italian Pavi celebrate as they are woke, and Craig finally discloses that he voted blue in this election.
"SKIBIDI!" Fake Italian Pavi shouted, Craig assumes thats a huzzah. He doesnt speak Fake Italian Pavi's brainrot speak.
"Can we watch skibidi toilet now? ayyyeuhh ayyyeueueuhhh. skibibi!"
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Beelzebub, Bugbo, and Rusty watch the news on a small hospital room tv. Rusty and Beelzebub cheered because Kamala Harris was in fact endorsing illegal sex changes in both prisons and maple hospitals, and they could finally make their work public and make BANK. yay! Bugbo is indifferent, a mysterious fake Italian said that Bugbo couldn't complain as he didn't vote. And bugs can't legally vote because of Joe Bidens support in bug-racism. but thats neither here nor there.
Beelzebub hopes that Kamala supports the housing of ex-super villains, because he has to live in Maple Hospital since he cannot go back to the evel cave 😈. Bugbo lost the house in him and Craigs off screen divorce so hes also stuck. rustshe is a broke immigrant. so she's set under kamala's presidency! huzzah for immigrants!
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Muted Pip is SICK.
How could this happen?
How could someone like HER win?
America is going woke and these blue-haired liberals are gonna be the death of our god-given country. BLESS THIS MESS!
The evel cave😈 is gonna be taxed...joe biden didn't do such a thing cuz he went through menopause already, but Kamala Harris may get her period and decide to tax them!! nooo!!!!!!
Also muted Pip is violently racist AND misogynistic, so this is a nightmare.

Chapter Text

Craig stares at his TV as Fake Italian Pavi watches skibidi toilet on the oven.
He rips off his "I voted!" sticker and walks out onto the balcony.
He stares long.
And he sees a green light on the dock across from his museum/mansion.
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Beelzebub, rustshe, and Bugbo watched the results of the election.
Bugbo is so distraught, because while bugs cannot legally vote due to Joe Biden, he was a liberal deep down in his heart. He cannot believe this.
Beelzebub sighes, his and Rustshe's illegal sex changes for illegal immigrants was gonna have to stay underground. meaning they cannot make BANK. Rustshe frowned and chugged over to the fridge and pulled out the people of springfield's pets so she and Beelzebub could console themselves with a snack.
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Muted Pip heel clicked.
HUZZAH!
Suddenly Muted Pip's phone rang, and on the other line....
"Can you believe it? I won!"
It was Trump
"I know, good job babycakes."
Now that trump was in his final term, his and Muted Pip's relationship could be public. Muted Pip is now the first lady!
"Now I can take you to applebees to celebrate. winky face."
Muted Pip swooned. HUZZAH!

Chapter Text

Muted Pip hung up the phone and heel clicked again. As the first lady, he couldn't wait to go to so many funerals and dinners and be in photos. (idk what the first lady does)
Above all, he was excited to finally go on a date in public to Applebees with Trumpy-poo. He felt like before, his little Potus-Poo didn;t really love him and was ashamed, but now that they were going to Applebees together it was all okay.
Muted Pip got dressed into his best Emoji Clothes and put on his makeup and turned on the 8-track and pulled the dumb freaking hat down from the shelf. wait
wait.
Were those bars?
Applebees was gonna have to wait because that was the BEST BARS hes ever cooked up. nobody before him ever. not even his transgender german babysitter he had no outside relations to.
He went RIGHT TO SOUNDCLOUD, and published like a few songs.
by the time he was done, he'd gotten no calls from Donnikins and it was late, so he decided to go to bed.

Overnight, his soundcloud songs took off and he dreamt about signing off with a company so thats good enough.
Muted Pip had the bright idea for the name Tommy Gnosis (his first name is Tommy his middle name is phillpip.) which no one he has relations to might've thought up a while ago.
suddenly he had the overwhelming urge to wear very wet and shiny shorts and nothing else. and a cross on his forehead.

Oh yeah.

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Craig was feeling bad. Ever since he ran off with Jesus and left Bugbo, nothings been the same. Yeah he became woke and got a mansion, but its just so empty with only him and Fake Italian Pavi. Also, Trump posting on his close friends story called "Trump's Dump" about him and Muted Pip's relationship really made him jealous of happy relationships.
He told Fake Italian Pavi about this while they were watching Skibidi Toilet Premium.
"What should I do?" Craig asked.
"Rizz! Rizz! ayyyeuuhhh ayyyeueuhhh"
"Wait.. you're right. I have to rizz bugbo up."
"Skibi!" Fake Italian Pavi is astronomically cooked its not even funny at this point.
Craig knew the BEST way to get ze girl.
He was super crazy rich now because of his wokenes, so he threw a huge lavish party.

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The party was HYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bugbo wasn't there this time, but maybe he will be at the next one idk.
Rusty and Beelzebub both went to the party without him, and it was HYPEEEE.
Beelzebub knew that the party was thrown by Craig, and he wanted to say that him and Craig go way back, but they don't :(
He looked for Craig but he...
he wasn't at the party
whaaaaaaaat where is he? it his party! skib!