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Despite having performed with De Bois Band time and time again, every time Francois was forced to perform, he became sick with anxiety. Where the stage fright came from, he didn’t know, not when his father and brothers could seemingly perform at the drop of a hat with not so much as a sweat, but it consumed him. For weeks building up to the performance he was a nervous wreck, running the numbers over and over until he was sick of them, listening to the songs until he knew every part of the music like the back of his hand, and even then he was convinced he would forget it at the last minute, terrified he’d make a fool of himself and his family in front of the crowd.
The day of any performance he had was inevitably worse, his anxiety bubbling and bubbling until eventually it broke the surface, leaving him a mess. On his worst days, when the stage fright was really bad, he was sick, throwing up all his nerves until he felt slightly better. On other performance days, he just sat and stewed on the verge of a panic attack until he had to go on stage. Inevitably, it was always fine. The first few minutes of any performance were still driven by nothing but pure anxiety and the resulting adrenaline, but as it went on, he always eased into it, and even enjoyed it sometimes.
But even the reminder of when he enjoyed performing didn’t ease his stage fright. So when his dad announced they were doing some performance as a favour for someone he knew when he was young with only a week of rehearsal time, anxiety flooded him instantly.
May knew instantly, they always did. They watched as Francois nodded along with the news and his dad’s grand plans for their performance, his face visibly paling as it went on. They saw the sweat building in his hairline and eyed him up and down as his hands began to shake. No one else noticed Francois’s obvious anxiety, he was pretty good at hiding it from his dad and the others, but May did. They noticed everything.
The second Lance was finished and had turned to Angelique, Francois looked to May pleadingly, hoping more than anything they’d pick up on his signal. They did, they always did, grabbing Francois’s hand to drag him out of the room and into theirs.
Only then did Francois admit to his stage fright, safe in May’s arms. He’d never told anyone until then, something like that wasn’t something one could easily admit to Lance Du Bois, but with May, it was different. With them, Francois found himself admitting to everything, his anxiety, how, for the most part, he hated performing because it made him feel stupid and even more inferior to his brothers who were all so talented. How he went along with it because it was easier to do what his dad wanted than fight with him, how he got so nervous he threw up sometimes.
And May listened to every word, kissing his temple when his voice became stretched, squeezing him tighter when he began to shake as he relayed his experiences before performances. Since one of Francois’ brothers had come back from the army, they’d be relieved from their role in the band, and for that they were somewhat grateful, but listening to Francois tell them how nervous he was to perform again made May which they were still there with him, assuring him everything would be alright. More than anything, they just wished they could do something to calm his nerves, but there wasn’t much that could be done. They just held him closer and promised that no matter what happened, he was still perfect in their eyes, and that he'd be fine.
The day of the performance arrived far too quickly for Francois’s liking, and before he knew it, he was kissing May goodbye outside the building they were performing in so they could meet up with Juliet and Angelique and find their spot in the audience. Francois struggled to let go of their hands, the only thing grounding him from his steadily building nerves, but under the watchful eye of their dad and his brother, he knew he had to compose himself. So with one last lingering kiss and words of reassurance from May, Francois left and went into the building, avoiding everyone to keep himself calm until it was impossible to any longer.
The curtain was up in ten minutes, and Francois was deep into his anxious spiral. Despite all the grounding techniques May had taught him, and the memory of their loving words and whispered promises that all would be okay, he couldn’t bring himself to calm down. The waiting was torture, and the sound of the audience filling the room was doing nothing to help him. The mere thought of people seeing him out there was as sickening as it always was, and whilst the thought of May being in the audience did bring him some comfort, he was equally as terrified of making a fool of himself in front of them. Even the memory of being fine onstage after five or so minutes wasn’t enough to remind him that it was all going to be fine eventually. He just could not calm down. It was basically torture. Why on earth did he subject himself to this again and again?
“We’re up.” Lance came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder, causing Francois to jump. “Do me proud son.”
Francois sucked in a stuttering breath and nodded, hoping more than anything he looked calm enough to fool the others and followed his dad and brother out on stage, Romeo (who was still replacing his other brother still in the army) following behind him.
The crowd was huge. Francois wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Looking out at them all, he scanned the crowd and swallowed thickly, his anxiety quickly increasing when he realised just how many people had come to see them perform, to see him. There was no way he could do this. Performing at his so-called ‘wedding’ was one thing, one thing that was a struggle as it was, but this? This was simply impossible. Gripping the microphone so hard his knuckles turned white, he looked at Romeo frantically, who just gave him a dumbfounded look. Francois looked back to the audience, his eyes wild as they flicked left and right before a flurry of purple and glitter caught his eye.
There was May, standing there beaming up at him. On either side of them was Juliet, who was giving him a hopeful thumbs up, and Angelique, who was proudly holding her ‘I Love You Lance’ sign for everyone to see, but all Francois could see was May. Their smile was blinding, yet more comforting than anything Francois could’ve ever imagined.
On the verge of hyperventilating, Francois gave them a panicked look, shaking his head frantically, silently begging them to help him. May’s smile, though still there, dimmed slightly in concern but they nodded up at him assuringly, making a heart with their hands and holding it up to him. Francois’ pounding heart flooded with warmth, the slightest bit of his anxiety melting away at the sight. God, he loved them.
“You’re going to be amazing,” May mouthed up to him, and at that moment, Francois almost believed it. With May there, he quickly realised, he didn’t have to be nervous. They were his security blanket, the one with the magical ability to calm him no matter what. With them there, he could basically do anything. They gave him that strength, that bravery. Taking a deep breath, Francois finally smiled and nodded to them, basking in May’s massive smile that followed. He could do this.
Keeping his eyes firmly locked on his partner, Francois’ grip on the microphone started to loosen as the music started, already feeling significantly calmer than he had been before. The choreography felt easy now, he even had the bravery to add some flare to parts and basked in the cheers that followed. Especially from May. Their cheers made Francois feel like he could conquer anything and everything. He kept his eyes solely on them.
The rest of the performance passed in a blur. One moment he was singing his way through the first chorus and the next, it was all over. His chest heaving as he stood in his final position, Francois’ shoulders sagged as his body filled with relief. Finally, it was over. And he survived it. The crowd cheering made his heart pound in the best way possible, but still, he only looked to May, who was bouncing on their feet as they cheered. Their support was all that mattered to him, all that would ever matter to him.
“I love you,” he whispered down to them, giving them a little wave around his microphone. May waved back, a proud smile on their face as they blew him a kiss. Even with the cheering of the crowd and the attention that was all on him and his family, all he could see was May's smile.
The second Francois was offstage and out of his costume, he was weaving his way out of the performance hall, the adrenaline of performing, and performing well, pumping through his veins and heart pounding in his chest as he searched for May in the crowd. The second he saw them he was flying into their awaiting arms, lifting them from the ground and spinning them both in a circle as he laughed, ecstatic. “I did it!” Francois said happily. “I actually did it!” And he always did, but this time felt even more rewarding than it normally did. Now that he had May on his side, everything felt so much better than it used to.
“Put me down!” May squeaked, giggling and pressing a quick kiss to Francois’ lips when he did. “Of course, you could do it, I always knew you could. You were amazing." They said proudly.
“All thanks to you.” Francois pulled May impossibly closer so they were flush against his chest. “I couldn’t have done it if you weren’t there.”
May rolled their eyes and rested their hands over his racing heart. “Don’t be ridiculous, you were the one on stage.”
“But you gave me the bravery to do it,” Francois insisted. From somewhere in the distance, he heard Juliet awe and Romeo make some kind of gagging noise, but he paid them no mind, his entire attention on May. Just as it had been the whole night. “I seriously wouldn’t have been able to do that without you there. Seeing you in the crowd… all my anxiety just washed away.”
May smiled shyly and blushed under Francois’ attention, his words making them giddy. “Well…” They didn’t really know what to say. “I’m glad I could help. You were beautiful up there, by the way.”
It was Francois’ turn to blush now, and he grinned shyly at May. For a few long moments, they just stared happily into each other’s eyes, showing no signs of looking away any time soon. “I love you,” May said. “I never got to say it back before.”
“Alright, you two can be sappy on your own time,” Angelique said, stepping between them both and slinging her arms around their shoulders. May and Francois jumped apart, cheeks aflame, although their hands never separated. “We oughta celebrate another successful performance.”
And for every performance after, May was there, in the front row with a proud and giddy smile. Giving Francois all the strength he needed to conquer his stage fright, time and time again.