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Psych: To Be or Not To Be
“What is it this time?” Gus asked as he and Shawn walked into the Santa Barbara Police Department. It was eerily quiet as if something shockingly bad had happened. Gus looked at Shawn to find that he was just as worried or as worried as he could be.
“Mr. Spencer, what did I tell you about keeping your phone on at ALL times? Nevermind, you need to see this,” Chief Vick said as she guided the duo to interrogation room B, “We just found these two causing a disturbance in the industrial district. They don’t appear to be from here. Either that or they were on their way to a costume party of some sort.”
The occupants of interrogation room B were a young man and a girl in her teens. Nothing seemed off about the young man other than the fact that he was wearing armor and had a strange unknown language tattooed on his head. The girl, on the other hand, was red-orange skinned, had white freckles and stripes on her face, and had blue and white horn-like things coming out of her head with three tails going down her shoulders and back. Even stranger, both had futuristic weapons, including laser swords and laser guns, odd clothing, knew very little about where they were, and said that they were from another galaxy.
“Um, are you sure they are from this side of the universe?” Shawn said to Gus.
“You’re not saying that they could possibly be aliens, are you?” Gus replied almost nervously.
“That is exactly what I am saying!” Shawn said, turning to the two people, “ So who exactly are you?”
“I am Zelani Tano and this is Kix. We were captured by droid forces and woke up here. By the way, where is here?” the girl asked.
“Shawn, I can’t believe this. You are out of your mind!” Gus said pulling Shawn aside, “These people belong in Area 51 or something!”
“I guess what I should have asked is what are you?” Shawn said, turning back to the two strangers.
“Well, I’m a clone medic and she is a Jedi Padawan. More specifically...”
“Kix, stop talking! I’ll handle this. I am a Togruta and a Jedi as Kix said, and I’m also the captain of the 212th battalion. I know this sounds crazy, but I swear I am telling the truth. If you want me to, I can even prove that I am who I say I am,” Zelani said, interrupting Kix.
“You, a soldier? Ha! You’d better watch what you say, miss!” Head Detective Carlton Lassiter demanded walking into the room, “It’s like you two to listen to such nonsense! Take off the makeup, freak!”
“Lassie, don’t be so hard on the girl! You’re going to scare her!” Shawn said half seriously, half sarcastically.
“Considering that I’ve spit death in the eye so many times that death is probably wearing an eyepatch by now, not much scares me. Especially not angry detectives nicknamed after dogs.” Zel replied in defense, “ And why doesn’t anyone just accept the fact that I’m different. This planet is xenophobic! Oh and my face is not tattooed either, if you were wondering, this is just the way I am. I can’t believe I have to explain this.”
“Sorry, I just finishing some paperwork, what did I miss?” Junior Detective Juliet O’Hara said walking into the room, “What is...”
Seeing that Zelani was about to explode, Kix took over the talking. “Why don’t you just tell me why we are here. Listen I don’t know where we are or who you are, but stop agitating the Captain. Trust me you do not want to get on her bad side.”
“Captain?” Juliet asked.
Calming herself and understanding that they were as confused as she was, Zelani explained how they got there and some of her history again for the detectives. During her explanation both Lassiter and O’Hara stood wide eyed, not believing all of the things that this 16 year old girl was saying that she had done. Not only had she been a Jedi and a captain, but she had been kidnapped as a newborn and enslaved until the age of 5, had survived a plague, and had escaped unscathed from multiple other life-threatening incidents. “Just the norm for a Jedi in a time of war,” she had said when she finished.
“Unbelievable…” Shawn whispered to Gus, “For the first time in my life I am speechless!”
“Chief Vick, we just got a call from the owner of a theater not too far from here. He said that a Shakespearean actress was found murdered in his parking lot,” an officer said running into the room.
“Looks like you have another job,” the Chief said, turning to Shawn and Gus, “Zelani, you should stay here since you are, well, different.”
“If it is a problem I can look like a human. It’s just a simple Jedi trick that I am excellent at. I can help you.”
...
The crime scene looked like a scene straight from one of the plays that the woman had been in. The woman had been poisoned, but there was no proof of the poison anywhere. She didn’t show any of the signs of a poison victim or any signs of a struggle. “Looks like she was practicing a part of the play Hamlet or something,” Lassiter said looking at the fake skull in her hand, “This doesn’t make any sense! Someone just dies from poison without any proof of poison. Where is Spencer!” Lassiter looked at Gus quizzingly and received a shrug in return.
“Right here Lassie”
“ What.... GET OUT OF THE BUSH!!!!”
Watching this, Zelani smothered a giggle and went to work finding what exactly happened to the poor woman. “Check her hand, there is something about the skull.”
When forensics checked the skull in the woman’s hand finding that it had traces of poison on it. “How did you know that?” Lassiter asked when Zelani was proved right.
“I don’t know how I just knew. It’s a part of my gift I guess.”
He didn’t say it aloud, but Lassiter had suspicions the mysterious strangers had something to do with this murder. How else would she have figured this out so quickly, none of the forensics or Spencer had been able to figure that out. “Zelani, where were you, say, 12 hours ago?”
“Um… I was fighting droids on a ship in the unknown regions of our galaxy.”
“And can you prove this?”
“Kix was there too. And he would tell you that I would never and never have killed anyone.”
“Was she, Kix?”
“Twelve hours ago I was in stasis on the same Separatist ship so I can’t say anything, but she would never kill anyone. Hurt them maybe, but never kill them. Especially an innocent person.”
The forensics took the body away to the coroner while the detectives tried to find a clue as to who would murder an unknown Shakespearean actor. Little did they know this would become a serial killer case.
Later that day in the same parking lot a scream echoed through the otherwise silent night…
...
“Cause of death, electrocution” Lassiter said to the Psych detectives when they arrived around seven o’clock the next morning, “And another Shakespearean actor. This is not a good week to be an actor.”
“I can still feel their pain. It must have happened not too long ago. Can this get any worse!” Zelani said walking up to the crime scene.
“Could be worse. Could be you,” Kix replied, trying to cheer up his friend.
“Ha ha, so funny. You. Are. Not. Helping!”
“Look at the weird marks on the arms,” Shawn whispered to Gus, “Does that look like the cable you would connect to a car battery?”
“Electrocution by car battery? It could be possible, I guess.”
“Um, attention! This was not an ordinary murder. I’m sensing that a box, no wait a car was involved in this,” Shawn said-pretending to be a psychic-to the police, “What are you saying? What? Your arm hurts?” Shawn continued pretending to contact the spirit of the dead person, “Check the arm!”
When forensics checked the actor’s arm they found that the person had been electrocuted by a car battery. “Looks like you are right this time Spencer,” Lassiter said, “Let’s get back to the station to review and find this murderer.”
Back at the station the detectives frantically looked for clues as to who was the mastermind behind these murders. So far nothing has shown up, but that will soon change.
In the theater in front of the infamous parking lot, the Shakespeare group rehearses for their performance. Shrieks echo through the auditorium as a figure emerges from the curtains holding a knife. He creeps on the stage as the cast is in chaos repeating the same thing over and over. “To kill or not to kill, that is the question.”
…
“So what exactly happened last night?” Detective O’Hara asked the frightened young actress.
“Um, a shadow figure wearing a plague mask walked into our rehearsal and killed everyone,” The girl said, “I was on the opposite side of the stage and ran straight here.”
“Thank you for telling us this. We will find who murdered your friends.”
Hearing this disturbing information, the police put a warning out to look for anyone who owned a 1300s era plague mask. Later that afternoon a call came from the local museum that a Hamlet Hamilton had donated a mask that matched the description earlier that morning. The police went straight to his house to see if this was indeed the Shakespearean murderer. The house was bubble gum pink with baby blue shutters and a mint green door.
“Ugh, why such the ugly colors! Like I get it doesn’t seem like the house of a serial killer, but this is overkill!” Zelani remarked when they arrived at Mr. Hamilton’s house.
“I think we all can concur,” Lassiter said, finally beginning to like, no, tolerate, the newcomers, “Do we have the warrant yet?”
“Yes, we do,”
“Then let’s go! Come on! We’re running out of time!”
Officers Grimly and Smith broke down the door sending splinters of wood flying through the air. The inside of the house was as obnoxious as the outside with lemon yellow walls, gold trim, and pink ceilings. On either side of the door a full set of armor stood guard - swords and all. As Zelani, Lassiter, Juliet, and Gus walked through the door the weapons that the suits of armor held fell, blocking Shawn, Kix, and the police officers from entering and blocking the others from exiting. “I’ll search the rooms to the left. Juliet and Gus search the right side of the house. Lassiter, search the upstairs. I trust you can handle that?” Zelani said, pointing to each area.
“Usually it is Shawn in these situations!” Gus said following Juliet.
...
Creak… Creak… Creak… Snap!
As Zelani walked over the small rug leading to the living room the boards fell away revealing a pit leading to a medieval dungeon. The air was filled with dirt and the smell of death. Hanging from several of the contraptions on the wall were Shakespeare's costumes and fake skeletons - or were they. “Another fine mess I’ve gotten myself into this time,” Zelani said walking through the damp halls, “Did I seriously lose my lightsabers again!”
“Well if it isn’t the brave Valkyrie seeking to destroy her enemy, but you are wrong. I am not the villain in this story. You are! You and those ignorant actors who ruined my life! Well I must do what I must. It really is a pity. Ready to die?” a voice said from above.
“Wow, such a cliche speech. You should have thought that through more. Anyways, you were saying.”
From above, a rope fell to the floor and down it came a young man in a black cloak. “I’m assuming you are Hamlet,” Zelani said, grabbing a pipe from the floor as Hamlet took a sword from the wall.
“You will make this easier if you would juST STOP TALKING,” Hamlet replied, clashing swords. For Zelani, sword fighting was part of her training, but the pipe was heavy and wasn’t as easy to wield since it didn’t bond with her like her lightsabers did. Hamlet on the other hand was experienced with sword fighting and had the upper hand in this duel. The duel went on sending the sound of clanging metal through the halls of the maze-like dungeon.
In the upstairs of the house, Detective Lassiter finished up his search without finding anything. He went downstairs searching for the others when he looked into the living room, noticed the gaping hole in the floor and Zelani’s lightsabers, and grabbed them and rushed to find a way down other than the 10 foot drop. Running to the kitchen area, where Juliet and Gus were finishing their search, he asked if they had found a door leading to the basement. When they replied that they had, he told them that something had happened and that Zelani was trapped in the basement with the murderer. They rushed to the basement and practically flew down the stairs.
Meanwhile in the basement the duel continued. Zelani did her best to overpower Hamlet, but was out of her element. She tried to use the force, but found that she was too tired and distracted to do so. She couldn’t let her opponent see her weakness. With a quick stroke she knocked him off his feet and stepped back, sensing the other’s presences coming to her rescue.
“You have made a mistake,” Hamlet said, getting back up. He grabbed his sword and with a swift movement sliced Zelani across her stomach. With a groan, she collapsed to the ground clutching her wound as blood dribbled through her fingers. Her vision was blurring around the edges, pulling her into darkness. I have to stay conscious. NO this can’t be happening. I REFUSE TO DIE! These were her last thoughts as the darkness closed in around her.
…
A gunshot echoed through the halls of the dungeon. At last the others had arrived. Lassiter had shot Hamlet, taking deadly aim and ending the reign of terror that Hamlet had caused. Gus checked on Zelani, since he knew some about the medical field. “Um, she is alive for now, um… I don’t know what is normal for a… whatever species she is.”
“Go upstairs! See if you can help the others get in.”
Upstairs, the others had already gotten in. Kix and Shawn were rushing down the stairs to the basement, frantically trying to find their friends. They found them after following the slight clues Gus had left earlier. “We heard gunshots, what happened? Oh...” Shawn said walking up to the others, realizing suddenly that Zelani was hurt.
Kix went over to Zelani with the medkit that he had been trained to keep with him at all times. “Jeez, Zel, you sure do get yourself into trouble a lot,” He whispered. At that Zelani sat up, staring at the organized chaos around her. “Easy, you don’t want to hurt yourself any more than you already have. What happened to you?” Kix said.
“Well, I may have copied what Ahsoka did 2 years ago when she was fighting Cad Bane. I thought the fight was over when I was standing and he was on the ground, but he used that as an opportunity to catch me off guard. I guess I should have learned from my sister.”
“Well you’re safe now. Come on, let's go upstairs. Can you walk?”
“I think so, yeah.” With that they made their way, slowly, upstairs and out of the house. Kix helped her back to the ground and helped her bandage her wound. Suddenly a black van crawled to a stop at the scene as a crowd gathered around. Two men in black suits with sunglasses came out of the car holding badges saying they were agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
“You two are coming with us,” the taller man said, pointing to Kix and Zel.
“But…”
“I said you are coming with us. Now!”
They got into the van, unsure of what to come. The car sped away leaving the crowd and Santa Barbara police department to question what was going on. A tunnel opened up under the car leading to a secret base filled with futuristic technology. Another agent was waiting at the entrance wearing an eyepatch. “I am Nick Fury. Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D.”