Work Text:
you were my home and now that you're gone i feel so lost, having followed you blindly and you leading me astray, reduced to nothing but wandering aimlessly between space and time. searching to find something-someone to fill the gaping hole you left.
the smell of smoke on your clothes has long since faded but is always missed. every time my gaze falls on a t-shirt i stole from you, or your hair tie i still keep around my wrist it garners an aching deep in my bones threatening to burst and escape.
the greif infects my bloodstream like poison. the boiling of my veins and the slow filling of dread in my stomach as i come to terms with my eventual demise caused by my own venom.
i come from poison.
i am poison.
i poison those around me, plaguing them with the same bane that runs through me, a raging river that doesn't end, just grows more and more dangerous with each passing day, threatening to flood the empty space it runs through.
traveling to my heart, constricting it, wrapping around my lungs and squeezing impossibly tight i find myself unable to breathe.
there is an emptiness caving in my navel, nothingness stretching for miles and miles. there is no sense of time, no way to tell how long i've been there, no way out. i can only sit there in darkness and let it consume me like a starved animal. pushing yet pulling, ripping me apart as i search for remnants of you.
your smell, your voice, your anything.
foraging for any crumbs of your existence, i wander the entirety of the earth, in and out, weaving impossibly around and around until i find a trace of you, leading me to you through the ashes of the world we once ruled. reaching out to you, trying desperately to grasp and lasy memories of you, feeling the way you slip through my fingers as if you were never real at all.
if only i could bring us back to the beginning, just to relive the start. when we were allowed to be kids and didn't have the weight of the world on our shoulders.
i miss the warmth of waking up next to you, your smell.
now i wake up to cold, empty, darkness, wrapping around me but providing no warmth.
just prolonged moments of relief that i am no longer alone.
i find comfort in the way the darkness eats at me, how it slowly devours every shred of who i am until i am but a lifeless heap.
at least a lifeless heap cannot ache the way i do.