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Suguru took another cigarette from the nearly empty pack and leaned on his back, watching the moon disappear behind the dark clouds. This has become his favourite activity since Toji Fushiguro’s death; since he got separated from his partner. On the nights when he couldn’t fall asleep, which have become more frequent, he goes on the rooftop and stares at the world hidden in dark while smoking. Since the world was indecipherable, he was able to view it as he wanted: a world without non-sorcerers, one where he didn’t have to protect the weak and be righteous; a world where he wouldn’t have to sacrifice himself and go unnoticed. The sound of crickets wasn’t enough to block his thoughts, so he always brought his headphones with him. Some nights he takes a break from his own thoughts by listening to the ones of his old classmates.
He senses someone else’s presence sitting next to him and he knows who the uninvited visitor is before he even opens his eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me you came back?” asked y/n, the one who has been keeping him company on nights like this. He takes off his headphones and welcomes his classmate with a smile. “I was planning on going to collect your bones.” He smiles at his classmate’s words. He gets up, facing her.
“I thought you were sleeping.” He was lying and both of them knew. He knew she wasn’t asleep. She told him to go see her when he gets back, no matter how late. But he still hoped she managed to get some well deserved rest.
“Bullshit.” He stared at her, noticing how proeminent the dark circles under her eyes had become.
He’s aware of her bad sleeping habits. They started hanging out after accidentally bumping into each other one night, when both of them were unable to sleep. Now they confide in each other. He found out that she dreaded waking up in the morning because the chances of her waking up with a racing heart and intrusive thoughts were high, so she would avoid going to sleep for as long as she could. She found out about the hole his old partner left in his heart and how he chose the wrong ways to deal with it.
“If you want me to leave you alone you can just tell me.” she told him, ready to get up and leave him alone. Since he and Satoru are no longer partners he spent enough time by himself and he was always feeling abandoned, but asking someone to stay with him felt selfish.
“No, it’s fine. I like your company.” y/n just stared at him, not knowing how to react. A part of her was telling her he was just being nice, but another part was replaying the nights they spent together, confessing and finding comfort in each other. ‘But maybe I’m just making everything up.’
“Then I shall bless you with it.” she said, trying to act unaffected. She sits in front of him, legs crossed, and for a few seconds they stare at each other. It felt like they could see their souls: tired and desperate to make everything stop, even for a few seconds. “Can I take one?” y/n breaks the ice and points at Suguru’s pack of cigarettes. He tosses the pack at her, then inhales deeply from the cigarette between his fingers. She takes the last one and puts it between her lips. “Please tell me the pack wasn’t full when you got here.” she said while trying to light it. The lighter was out of gas, but she didn’t give up.
“Almost.” She sighs, still trying to light the cigarette. Suguru gets closer to her, with the cigarette between his lips and his face at the same level as hers. He puts his hand on her cheek, making sure she doesn’t move her face and touches the end of her cigarette with his. y/n freezes at the feeling of his skin touching hers, the cigarette almost falling. “Did you forget what you have to do to make the cigarette light up?” he giggles, but she’s too busy trying to engrave this image in her memory to hear him. Subconsciously, she knows she needs to cherish these moments. Her times with Suguru were born from moments of weakness and desperation, so they weren’t meant to last.
When she’s finally aware of the proximity between the two of them, she takes an amateure inhale and starts coughing.
“So,” y/n starts, taking another smoke, “long mission?” she asks him, already knowing what he’s going to say. He sighs and moves his eyes on her shoes, now playing with the lace.
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Is there something the strongest of Jujutsu High can’t handle?” She immediately regretted saying that, but he acted unbothered. He was just staring at the sleeping city and the realisation that in a few hours everything will go back to normal hit him. “Do you miss Satoru?”
“I see him every day.” he doesn’t hesitate answering the question.
“You know what I mean.” He looked at you confused, so she further explained. “You’ve been partners since the beginning.”
“He can handle missions by himself,” he lowered his voice, “and so can I.” He didn’t look at her. He never does in moments like this. It was easier this way. If he doesn’t look at her it doesn’t feel like someone else was in possession of his secrets. It doesn’t feel like someone else sees him being vulnerable.
“Can you?” The boy ignores her. She didn’t ask if he can handle them physically. “Satoru also noticed you lost weight. You know he’s worried about you, why are you trying to deny it?” Because he didn’t want to make him worried. “How bad is it?” He didn’t know what she was referring to, so he just stared, waiting for her to explain. “The curses. When you ingest them.” He was a little surprised at the question, but he knew she would ask that sooner or later.
“Like ingesting a rag used to wipe up vomit.” He expected her to look disgusted, but instead she gave him a compassionate look.
“And how do you feel?”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t have the words to describe the feeling nor did he want to. He thought that if he ignored it for long enough it would disappear. Everything would go back to normal; the same as last year. He and Satoru would go on missions together. All four of them, he, Satoru, y/n and Shoko, would go on a trip to the beach and act like time can't move. Like tomorrow was just a scary fairytale. Like their next mission can’t be their last one together.
Neither one of them knew what to say. That’s how most of their nights together ended, scared to ask or say something that might push the other away, so they just stayed there, letting the wind and the crickets fill the silence. Sometimes they change the subject and ask each other random questions, like “Do you have any hobbies?”, “If you could live somewhere else, where would you?”, “Who do you think would date Gojo Satoru?”.
Tonight, y/n’s question took Suguru by surprise.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” She already had an idea of what his answer would be, but she wanted to see if she really knew him. After all these nights, she knew she will get her heart broken.
“Some people feel like they are meant for each other.”
“When do you think you’ll meet them?”
“I already did.”
“Would you kill them?”
“I wouldn’t be able to.”
Suguru’s dark eyes become lighter in the morning sunlight. She almost believed him.