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the morning was fresh and new. it danced along the spin of the warm breeze with the rays of light that held everyone close. a lot of children were playing in the plaza due to the good weather.
sunghoon was one of them. he was sitting on the rusty swing, steady as his feet couldn’t touch the ground to make the swing move. he was short and little. the sun adorned a bright pink flush on his cheeks while looking at the grass.
“hey!” there were a pair of snoopy slippers in front of him. he lifted his gaze only to see a kid with doe-like eyes behind the transparent eyeglass, skin was tan but not enough to call it tan for he was still pale, and probably taller than him.
he was cute.
sunghoon looked at him confused, “hey…?” he was unsure as to why the kid approached a lonely boy like him.
“why aren’t you swinging the swing? you should’ve sat on one of the chairs. why aren’t you playing in this plaza’s playground? and why do you look so unhappy?” he had a lot of questions but sunghoon could only answer one.
“i…” the seam of his lips formed into a pout, “i can’t reach the ground to push it, that’s why the swing will not move, and i don’t have any friends either to help me.”
the kid tilted his head while staring at sunghoon. he noticed the flush on his cheeks that highlighted his snow-like skin. he laughed a little, causing sunghoon to look at him, “you look like you’re about to cry. fine. i’ll push the swing for you.”
the sweet doe-like eyes went behind him and pushed the chains of the swing gently. it went like that until they used the swing alternately. in their own world, they were happy.
sunghoon was seven and heeseung was eight when they first met and forgot the encounter.
the next one was years later. heeseung was in the plaza, sitting on the same swing. he no longer had the eyeglass. he had his head down as if he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. the children were groaning because heeseung didn’t have any plans on letting go of the swing sooner. he was too occupied of his own thoughts running through his head and spine.
sunghoon was looking for his little sister to fetch her. it was five in the afternoon and they had to go home before the sun hides himself completely. he found her in front of the swing.
“yeji!” yeji turned to her brother with a frown on her face.
“i won’t go home without riding the swing!” she was firm with her decision and sunghoon knew how stubborn his sister could be.
his fingers ran through his hair in annoyance, “hey. excuse me? can you let my sister use the swing just once?”
the boy who he couldn’t see his face stared at him with swollen eyes. his nose was also red and it looked like he was crying for a while. sunghoon felt his heart clenching. he always had a soft spot for people who cried this bad. guilt started to pounce in his chest and yeji was definitely too young to notice what was wrong.
he kneeled in front of his six-year-old sister, “i’ll talk to him to give up the swing. play with your playmates for a while and i’ll call you when he does.”
yeji rolled her eyes and snickered. when she left, sunghoon squatted in front of heeseung, whose name he never knew. silence was dominant in between them. heeseung busied himself with his fingers full of dry tears, while sunghoon looked at him with pity.
“what’s wrong?” sunghoon asked carefully. “if you don’t mind sharing.”
thinking about it again, heeseung felt his lips tremble. he was vulnerable. after all, this day was his first heartbreak.
“i…” hiccups ran, “i… got dumped.”
surprised by the answer, sunghoon tried to compose himself. heeseung was on the verge of crying again.
“she… she went with another guy saying he is a lot better than me. it was fine really, but…” heeseung looked at sunghoon. the latter was listening to him attentively and his eyes were too endearing. perhaps, that was the reason why it felt like it was okay to break again in front of him. “but she told me i’m ugly for her own liking and i got so upset and sad. am i that ugly?”
sunghoon hadn’t said anything for a while after that. he just listened to the tiny sobs he could hear, though heeseung tried to suppress it. while caressing the back of the boy, he could feel the anger growing in his chest. how could someone be so cruel and lie in front of the prettiest boy he had ever seen?
he let out a sigh, “you’re not ugly. you’re cute, handsome, and even pretty. at least in my eyes, but i know others see that too. it’s not that hard to notice that.”
hearing those words made heeseung’s heart jump a little. he lifted his head to look at sunghoon. he met his warm eyes staring at him shyly, “really?”
a nod was all he received. he was happy that there was someone who didn’t see him as an ugly teen like what the girl told him. a few minutes later, heeseung stood up, leaving the swing vacant, “tell your sister she can use the swing now.”
he played with his small fingers, “and… thank you. thank you for accompanying me.” sunghoon only smiled at him and watched heeseung walk away.
sunghoon was twelve and heeseung was thirteen when one of them had their first heartbreak.
they still forgot the warm encounter.
it didn’t stop there though. ever since they were seven and eight, the invisible strings from the swing crawled within their pinky fingers and tied them into seeing each other coincidentally and magically, regardless if they remembered or not.
years later, they met again in their dance class. heeseung was into hip hop, while sunghoon was into interpretative dances. the younger was sitting on the corner looking at his fellow trainees when heeseung joined him. beside him was a stranger who exuded a warm smile as he scanned the practice room. the quick glance made sunghoon succumb to his warmth. he flashed a smile and extended a hand, “hi! i’m sunghoon. you are?”
heeseung turned to him and his lips automatically curved into a smile, brighter than what he received. he checked the boy out; smooth jet black hair falling through his forehead, fair skin that highlighted his tiny moles, and his distinct feature—a pair of canines sunghoon would place the tip of his tongue underneath.
he reached out for the younger’s hand that was hanging in the air and placed his palm gently, “heeseung. nice to meet you.” the touch caused an undeniable chemistry between them, and perhaps, that was the reason why they smiled at each other. their soft gaze never left the enchanting orbs, wrapping them in a world only two of them were existing.
this time, they knew their names and there would never be a chance to forget it, not even the beautiful faces and the texture of their hands.
“hyung!” sunghoon’s smile almost blinded heeseung in the afternoon. he was approaching him in his grey baggy pants and black loose shirt. he was holding the strap of his backpack when he enveloped him in a hug.
three months had passed ever since they met and they grew fond of each other. they were as close as any best friends, but everyone knew it was more than that except for them. heeseung, in his snapback, oversized printed tee, and sweatpants, returned the hug. he snaked his arms around the younger’s waist, completely claiming his body as his territory for a moment. sunghoon smelled like sweet lavender like the lovely being he was.
sunghoon was the first one to unclutch his arms, “what time did you arrive?”
“uh… nine in the morning?” it was already four. the younger frowned at his statement, “you’re over practicing again!”
they were trainees and everyone expected them to debut sooner or later. both of them could only hope they would debut together. they were called aces in their company, causing the pressure for heeseung to be so overwhelming that he had to skip his classes just to practice. the monthly evaluation was fast approaching and that would be time to receive the news if they were to continue or he was already up to no good.
he couldn’t bear the latter. his life revolved around his dreams.
sunghoon felt the change in heeseung’s mood. for the past three months, he managed to study heeseung’s habits and behaviors. this time, he knew that his silence was drowning him in his own thoughts.
he sighed and held his hand. heeseung looked at sunghoon. blush was evident on his cheeks, “hyung. you’ll be fine. you’re like… you’re like the best trainee out here. you can sing well. you can dance. you can even rap! i… i admire your talents so much and i hope you know that you’re doing great and i’m proud of you.”
if it was any other person, it wouldn’t matter that much. the words were probably nothing but an air filled with nothingness. however, it was sunghoon. every word the younger would utter was something heeseung would unconsciously receive. it was a reflex and he moved. he always does. sunghoon moved him in many ways he never knew.
his fingers tightened with sunghoon’s long ones. he didn’t know how to respond. one moment he was overthinking, the next thing he was hoping to have sunghoon by his side forever.
sunghoon hugged him again. this time, heeseung’s proportion was completely embraced by the younger wrapping him like a soft and fragile thing. heeseung would complain if it was someone else. he wasn’t fragile, but it seemed like whenever he was with sunghoon, he just wanted to be pampered and treated like he was someone to be protected for he could break anytime.
sunghoon was seventeen and heeseung was eighteen when they became friends and they could no longer forget each other.
not even a minute or a second.
their dreams finally brought the invisible strings together, forever wrapped in their pinky fingers. they formed a special bond only the two of them understood. friends and companions , according to what they wanted to call it.
now, sunghoon is twenty and heeseung is twenty-one. three years have passed and they finally debuted together with five others. they overcame every wave of hardship because of each other’s support and comfort.
“sunghoon-ah!” heeseung smiles as he extends his arms to receive sunghoon’s hug. they are about the same height but heeseung feels so tiny when sunghoon is in a close proximity.
he feels the familiar arms on his back, “hyung. i missed you!”
they have separate schedules and they only got to see each other when they woke up in the morning. they immediately let go of each other when they heard footsteps approaching, “hoon-ah!”
jongseong approaches him before pulling him somewhere. heeseung doesn’t know why but he frowns the moment sunghoon walks away from him.
ni-ki walks in the living room with a towel hanging on his shoulder when he sees heeseung with a dim facade as he sits on the couch. the older can feel the confusion upon ni-ki. he meets his probing eyes, noticing how his hair is still dripping small bits of water.
“come here,” heeseung says and ni-ki sits on the floor. he takes the towel and rubs it on the youngest’s hair.
“hyung,” ni-ki says, head moving slightly because of the older’s gentle rubs.
he hears heeseung hums so he switches his position to face the older, “what’s with you and sunghoon hyung?”
the question is not malicious but rather out of curiosity. everyone knows he and sunghoon are friends, but lately there's been a change between them. they are always clingy to each other; if not playing with the other’s phalanges, the head is glued on the other’s shoulder. it’s normal really. not until recently, they stay away from each other’s proximity when someone is around.
“what do you mean?” heeseung asks.
“are you guys dating or—”
“we’re not dating.” heeseung cuts him off. “we’re just friends. that’s it.”
“i mean, i don’t mind that y—”
“ni-ki.” the younger zips his mouth by the sight of fuming doe-like eyes. heeseung is agitated for an unidentified reason, and ni-ki asking an absurd question didn’t help to calm him down.
it’s not absurd though. it’s not entirely impossible. the annoyance he has is rooted from his dislike to keep answering that he and sunghoon are just friends.
heeseung sighs and decides to go to bed early. it’s just nine in the evening, very unusual for him to isolate himself in his room that early and skip dinner. the quick conversation with ni-ki has made him introspect his response.
what is to me if we’re just friends? why do i act like it’s a bad thing that we're just friends? it’s not like i have feelings for sunghoon. we’re just friends. just like him and jongseong.
he stares at the white ceiling, almost imagining that there are stars in it. his hands are at the back of his head, serving as his pillow. a few minutes later, his door makes a sound. three knocks before he answers, “come in.”
there he is, sunghoon in his nightwear. he’s wearing a headband as he approaches the older’s bed. heeseung doesn’t look at him.
“you skipped dinner?” sunghoon asks, worry is noticeable in his voice. the soft mattress moves a little bit when he sits.
heeseung only hums, still avoiding sunghoon’s eyes. for the first time he feels indifferent. he’s not uncomfortable, but he’s not comfortable either. the conversation he had with ni-ki and the way he responded kept replaying.
do i like sunghoon?
the younger notices the older’s chest. by observation, his breathing is not exactly the normal ones he does.
“are you okay, hyung?” sunghoon asks. he’s about to touch heeseung’s forehead to check if he’s burning with fever when the older catches his wrist, “i’m fine.”
sunghoon is hurt the way heeseung feels so distant. the latter lets his wrist go, leaving it hanging in the air. his teeth dig into his pink lips before giving up, “okay… i’ll-uh, i’ll go now.”
he waits for a response but heeseung only gives him a nod, his eyes are still not meeting his. he lets out another sigh before turning his back. he’s walking slowly, hoping for heeseung to change his mind and open up to him. however, the older is really strong-willed to keep everything to himself.
it goes on like that for a week. everyone can feel the changes between the two. heeseung is avoiding sunghoon, and sunghoon is persistently trying to reach out. he’s becoming more upset the more heeseung becomes avoidant.
jake is the first one to break the unspoken problem, “okay. what’s wrong with the two of you?”
they’re all eating at the dining table when heeseung gets up without finishing his food to avoid sunghoon as soon as possible. the oldest stops on his tracks when he feels everyone staring at him except for sunghoon who busies himself from munching the air. he can’t look at the older’s indifferent gaze. he might end up choking in his own tears.
“what?” heeseung asks while holding his plate. jungwon frowns, “hyung, go back to your seat. at least, finish your meal before avoiding sunghoon hyung.”
sunghoon pretends not to hear anything and sunoo, being the observant he is, nudges his friend, “you good?”
he doesn’t respond and finishes his meal. he stands up, passing by heeseung yet not giving him a single glance. he had enough of it. if he wants to ignore him, they can play that game.
the five can only watch the two of them fall apart, not until heeseung hears a sob the same night he can’t sleep. he keeps thinking about how sunghoon ignored him like he never existed. he realizes what he’s been doing and feels his heart wrenching in pain and guilt.
he finds the owner of the sob and he sees sunghoon in the living room, stifling his sobs.
what have i done?
heeseung walks up to sunghoon who hasn’t noticed his presence until he sees the pair of snoopy slippers on the floor. he knows who the owner is. only heeseung wears snoopy slippers.
sunghoon meets his aching eyes. he can see right through the older that he feels bad for the week he suddenly avoided him without further explanations.
“did you…” the younger breathes out, “did you need for me to cry just so you could talk to me like this?”
heeseung kneels in front of sunghoon who scoops himself in the corner, “i’m sorry, hoonie.”
he swallows hard before collecting all of the courage left in him, “i… i avoided you because i suddenly felt different when i’m with you.”
“different?” sunghoon asks, tears are still streaming down his milky cheeks.
heeseung nods and puts both of his thumb fingers to wipe sunghoon’s tears. the younger melts at his gesture, suddenly feeling that he can forgive heeseung because of his gentle touch.
“i… i figured out that i like you and i didn’t know what to do. i was thinking of undoing it by staying away from you but i can’t. the moment you ignored me at the kitchen earlier made me ask for the heavens to take me already.” heeseung looks away, though his thumbs are still touching sunghoon’s cheeks. “i don’t want that. i’m sorry i made you feel like what i felt. probably worse than that. i’m not asking you to accept my confession… i… i just want to stay friends with you.”
just friends is enough for heeseung as long as he has sunghoon by his side. it doesn’t matter if it’s unrequited. he realizes the years he spent with sunghoon means much more than he could imagine. it’s something he holds dear to his heart and memory, and he doesn’t want to stop that. he wants to keep making more memories with sunghoon.
lucky for him, sunghoon feels the same.
“hyung…” he whispers and wraps his warm hand around heeseung’s who are cupping his cheeks. “i like you too. did you really not know that?”
and by the same, the feeling is mutual in all aspects.
“what?” surprised is an understatement. heeseung feels his heart falling at such a height.
sunghoon laughs a little, “i like you, hyung. i really do. i thought i made that clear with my actions.”
“you never told me.” heeseung defends himself. as much as they’re clingy towards each other, words are still important for affirmation and clarification. without it, it’s nothing but assumptions.
“i’m sorry. i just don’t know how to express it.” sunghoon gives a bright smile and wraps his arm around the older’s waist. he loves embracing his heeseung hyung’s tiny waist. it fits perfectly in him like it was made just for him to touch. “you’re still not forgiven.”
heeseung caresses strands of sunghoon’s hair, “i’ll earn it, hoon.”
“earn it while being my boyfriend, hyung.”
“okay,” the older chuckles and plants a soft kiss on sunghoon’s forehead. too soft that anyone can feel how careful he is not to hurt him anymore, “boyfriend.”