Work Text:
Ilgaz’s POV
He hugged her so tightly that they lost track of time because he just couldn't get enough of this.
Ever since Ilgaz woke up in that hospital and found out what Ceylin had been going through because of what happened with him, all he wanted was to hold her so tightly and apologize for all the tears that were shed from her beautiful eyes for him. He finally pulled away from her, as he thought it was better to return to the hotel as soon as possible so they could talk comfortably.
On their walk back to the hotel, where neither of them had spoken a word, Ilgaz noticed how the expression on Ceylin’s face fell, and ever since he noticed that, his brain couldn’t stop thinking about what was on her mind and if she was really ok. It was already getting dark outside when they reached their hotel room. Ilgaz excused himself to take a shower so they could sit quietly after that and maybe drink a cup of coffee, while he tries to answer the questions he knows she has in her mind and explain everything to her.
After turning on the shower, Ilgaz stood under it, feeling the water drops hitting his tensed body, unable to soothe himself with all these voices in his head filling him with worry, he can’t stop worrying about Ceylin, and the fact that as much as he thought he’d feel relieved after showing himself alive to her; he just got more worried about the possible consequences of this whole situation, he just knows it was unfair for her to live through all this, it was so hard for him to just casually appear alive in front of her while she’s grieving him, his mind had made so many possible scenarios for how Ceylin’s reaction would be; he imagined her getting angry at him, maybe putting a blame on him for not telling her about him being alive, or at least hitting him with a question after another, but it really took him by surprise that she hadn’t spoken a word after he took her into his arms, and how all the way back she had no expressions on her face, he couldn’t read her like he always thought he could, and that’s what made his anxiety creep on him, is she in shock? Is she mad at him? Is she sorting questions for him? And will she forgive him? Even though deep down he knows that it wasn’t his fault, but her being angry at him felt just fair to him since she doesn’t know his side of the story yet.
As the water started getting cold, his body shivered, snapping him out of his thoughts as he realized he'd been in there for too long. Stepping out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around him and was rushing to dry himself and put on his clothes, as he didn’t want Ceylin to wait any longer for him; she must be waiting for him with so many questions that need to be answered.
As he opened the door, he stepped into the bedroom, where he found that Ceylin had already turned off the lights and was lying asleep on her side of the bed, still wearing her baby blue dress. He just gave a sigh and thought to himself that it might be better for both of them to just take a rest tonight; he has the rest of his life to make it up for her, but right now he goes to do the thing he’s been craving to do for days, lying down next to Ceylin very quietly and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace, leaning against her neck, and just taking in that heavenly scent of hers till his body gave out and he fell asleep.
Ceylin’s POV
From the moment he showed up in front of her and took her into his embrace, the only thought she had in her mind was when she'd wake up from this dream. It really felt real for her as much as the other dreams she had before. In all versions, he did the same, pulling her for a hug and reassuring her that it was him and that everything was gonna be ok, but moments after that, he disappears as she wakes up.
When they were walking back to the hotel in complete silence, her arms were wrapped around herself, trying to protect herself from falling for this dream too. She kept pinching herself, shutting her eyes so hard, yet when she opens them, she looks to her side and finds him still there, walking next to her, and it really broke her heart that all she has now is an illusion of him walking around with her.
Once they reached the hotel room and he excused himself to go take a shower, she got so annoyed and irritated by the loud sound of the shower that filled the quiet room she was sitting in. It sounded so real that he was actually inside taking a shower, and that he'd come out of that bathroom. She kept imagining what they would be doing if that was actually real, if they went on this vacation just like they planned, how she would’ve told him by now about her suspicion of her pregnancy, and how they’d look at that test result together and be either happily crying about the two lines or determined to turn that one line into two by having another night filled with passion and love. She suddenly snapped out of her thoughts, feeling the room caving in on her. She suddenly couldn’t breathe inside that room, so she immediately walked outside to get fresh air. She kept walking around till she found herself sitting on a chair by the swimming pool, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down and get herself together. A while later, she decided to just go back to her room, turned off the lights, and threw herself on the bed, closing her eyes, willing to sleep, hoping that then she would finally wake up from this long long dream she’s having and go back to her sad reality.
Moments later, the sound of the door squeaking startled her, but she was too tired to turn and look. She thought that it was probably the wind, so she kept her eyes closed, trying so hard to sleep, when she suddenly felt an arm wrapping around her, surrounding her with a familiar warmth that radiated her with such calmness and peace that she immediately fell asleep.
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“Aunt help me!”
“I didn’t mean to stab him” “he’s dead”
“You’re under arrest for committing murder”
“How did you kill ILGAZ KAYA?”
“He was holding onto this necklace so tightly when I found his body”
“They won’t let you see him because they think you killed him”
“Ceylin hanım shot him twice behind his back”
“He was dumped in a dumpster till he bled out”
“We’re gonna bury my brother tomorrow, abla”
“You’re not gonna be allowed to attend his funeral”
“They already buried him; you won’t be able to see him”
“Başın sağ olsun Ceylin”
Waking up gasping for air while she’s already having tears all over her face, Ceylin tries to maintain her breathing and calm herself down, thinking to herself, "It’s just a nightmare; you’ve been through this already; it’s over. Calm down Ceylin."
Once she came back to her senses and was leaning back down to go back to sleep since it was still dark outside, she turned to her other side and saw a figure of a man lying next to her facing the other way. She immediately jumped off the bed, terrified. She slowly walked to the other side of the bed and switched on the lamp next to it, just to see Ilgaz’s face. She sighed in disbelief; she really thought she had woken up already. Covering her face with her hands, she loudly said "This can’t be happening again, delireceğim, can’t this nightmare end already?!”
Ilgaz woke up from her screaming worriedly. Just as he slowly reached for her arms, softly whispering her name, she felt her stomach turn. She immediately pushed his hands away and ran to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her as she fell on her knees in front of the toilet and threw up all that her stomach could’ve possibly had as she hadn’t eaten or drank anything today. She was feeling so drained and exhausted that she only wanted this nightmare to end so she could live with whatever was left for her to live with. Leaning back on the wall while sobbing, suddenly she hears a knock on the door with the voice of what her mind still believes to be an illusion of Ilgaz “Ceylin are you ok? … Ceylin?? … Ceylin I’m coming in” and there he is in front of her with so much worry on his face. He slowly bent down next to her, softly asking, "sevdiğim, are you ok?" But she still hasn’t responded to anything he’s been saying. The moment he reached out to move a strand of hair from her face, she pushed his hands away and moved further from him, covering both her ears and sobbing, whispering "You’re not real; leave me alone already, please!" and that’s when it hit him, the realization that she still doesn’t believe he’s real, that she actually didn’t believe him from the beginning, and it all came to him why her expressions were off, and why she hadn’t spoken to him at all. That shattered his heart to pieces because he really just thought she was processing and taking her time to figure out what she wanted to say to him. Eren had told him before that she had been having endless dreams about him, but it didn’t cross his mind that she wouldn’t see how real he was in front of her. He slowly got closer to her, whispering softly "Ceylin... sevgilim, look at me. It’s me, Ilgaz. The man who loves you more than anything, please sevgilim don’t do this. My heart is already broken for what you had to go through because of me… Ceylin?" He looked at her, waiting for any response, any reaction, literally anything from her.
Moments later, she calmed down and stopped sobbing. She lifted her head to meet his gaze, trying to speak without breaking "y- you always say this before I wake up and find you all gone" he got closer to her and reached out to wipe her tears. He then cupped her face, their foreheads leaning on each other, breathily whispering "this time it’s real sevdiğim, I’m here, and I’m not leaving you alone again, ever" she took a deep breath before replying "how do I know you’re not just an illusion my mind is making as a part of my grieving for you, and that you’ll disappear once I accept this fact?"
He backed his head a little, looking into her teary eyes "I know this is all tricky, Ceylin. You don’t feel like trusting your eyes, but I just want you to try to feel my presence." He took her right hand and placed it above his heart. "Listen to this; feel my heart beating; I’m alive sevgilim" she closed her eyes, holding her tears in, when he continued speaking "remember that time we were sitting by the sea, and you told me how you’d recognize my scent and know for sure it’s me even with your eyes closed? Here.." He pulled her into his embrace and said "Take a deep breath, and you tell me that this is not really me"
She still hasn’t replied and only started sobbing shakingly while she wrapped her arms around him and held him tighter. He still felt like convincing her and removing any doubts, so he continued, "I really thought you would believe immediately when you realize that the hoodie was really gone when I took it, and it’ll hit you that it’s not all in your head, but I get it. I would still have doubts if I experienced all that you’ve been through in a span of a week." He then pulled away from her saying "look, I didn’t want to show you and make you feel bad for me, but if that’s what’ll make you finally believe me, then I have to show it to you." He slowly took off his hoodie and his T-shirt as he turned around to give her his back. That’s when he heard her gasp as she saw his back and shoulder covered with bandages, remembering that he’d been injured by two gunshots fired from behind his back.
Snapping her out of her thoughts, Ilgaz softly spoke "take the bandages off, look at my wounds, feel how real they are; it didn’t kill me sevgilim. Come see for yourself." She froze in her place as he looked her in the eyes and gave her a reassuring nod with a lazy smile on his face. She got closer to him; her hands were shaking as she slowly started uncovering his wounds, and once she took the whole bandages off and saw how fresh the wounds were, still reddish and not fully healed, she lightly touched one of them when Ilgaz almost jumped out of his place with a gasp, she immediately backed up and started crying "oh god, did I hurt you? Ilgaz I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you I’m sorry I’m so sorry" just as she was on the edge of having a breakdown, he got closer to her and cupped her face, leaning his forehead on hers, softly speaking "Hey there now, you didn’t hurt me, ok? I’m not hurt at all, and I'm sorry if I scared you off. It’ll only hurt me if you still don’t believe me Cey-" she cut him off before he could finish what he was saying by pulling him for a longing kiss. She was holding onto his lips so hard, breathing him in, while he felt her tears reaching his palms that were holding her cheeks. They pulled away when they ran out of breath, panting when she finally spoke breathlessly "I can feel you now. It’s really you sevgilim" "It really is me sevgilim" he replied smiling at her before she pulled him for a tight hug, crying "You really didn’t go and leave me behind with my miserable life." "Not a chance; I'll always be by your side, but I'd rather do so while I'm healthy than while having an infection because my wife didn't cover my wound after touching it" he said in a teasing tone, and she chuckled, pulling back from their hug. "Pardon me, kocacığım, I needed proof that you weren’t a freaky ghost disguised as my husband and hitting on me" she said while smiling at him, and for the first time in so long, they both could finally breathe. Ilgaz felt so alive when he saw Ceylin’s smile, but then it hit him when his brain reminded him that he hadn’t explained to her why she had to live through all that, so he cleared his throat and started talking "Ceylin, I still need to explain to you everythi-" she cuts him off "I know, and I want to know everything, but not now, sevgilim. It’s been a long day, and we’re both so tired now. Let’s just get your wounds cleansed and covered. Then all I want to do is finally sleep in peace with you by my side" he nodded and said "Believe me, it’s all I’ve been craving to do for days" and so they handled his wound situation, Ceylin brushed her teeth and finally changed into her comfortable pajamas as they lay down with Ilgaz's arms wrapped around her, pulling her close as she's facing his side with her head above his heart, listening to his heartbeat while they're both breathing in each other's scents. Just as they were about to fall asleep, Ceylin whispered to him "We'll need to find out one more thing together tomorrow, and I have a really good feeling about this one" smiling with her eyes closed as she caressed her flat belly, and they both finally fell asleep peacefully in each other’s embrace.