Work Text:
It’s not uncommon for Bakugou to feel alone. Despite having friends, and all of 1-a, he still feels lonely. It’s a feeling that he can’t escape. The only time he doesn’t feel alone is when he’s with Kirishima, but he can’t always be with him. Every time he walks into his house, his room, his dorm room, anywhere, without Kirishima, he feels alone. Even with Kaminari he feels lonely if Kirishima isn’t with him.
“…something must be wrong with me…” he mumbles on his way to the dorms.
He walks into the dorms, and the first thing he sees is most of class 1-a in the common room. They all look happy, and like they belong there. They all look just like how Bakugou wished he’d feel. He avoids eye contact with them and quickly walks to his dorm room. He lies down in his bed and sighs. “…what’s wrong with me…?” He stares up at the ceiling, wishing he was different. Wishing he was like the others. His phone buzzes, he got a text. He takes it out of his pocket and looks at it. A text from Kirishima is displayed on the screen. Bakugou instantly sits up and reads it. ‘Hey Bakubro! Wanna hang out?’ The blond teen feels like he’s about to burst with sudden excitement. It was only 3 days ago since they last hung out outside of school, but that’s 3 days of feeling completely alone after school for Bakugou. He instantly accepts and starts getting ready to go.
He changes out of his uniform and puts in a simple grey hoodie and some black pants. He leaves his dorm room and walks towards the common room to meet Kirishima. Some students from the rest class 1-a are still sitting there, talking and laughing. Bakugou spots Kirishima standing next to Kaminari who’s on the couch, watching something in the redhead’s phone.
Kirishima quickly notices Bakugou’s presence. “Hey, Bakubro!” Kirishima waves him over. “I was thinking that we could go shopping. I heard that there’s some new merch-store that opened in the city, wanna check it out?” Bakugou walks over and nods. Of course he wants to do that, even more when he’s going with Kirishima. “We could also go to some café after, if we feel like it.” Kirishima flashes his usual goofy grin. “That sounds good, let’s go.” Bakugou says, wanting to get away from the others as fast as possible.
Kirishima says goodbye to Kaminari, then the two are off. “I didn’t see you in class in the morning. Are you feeling okay?” Kirishima sounds concerned and glances at Bakugou as they walk. Bakugou looks down at the ground. He hoped no one would notice, but, of course, Kirishima noticed that he wasn’t there this morning. Bakugou had to come up with some excuse, cause he couldn’t just tell Kirishima that he was feeling horribly dysphoric and tried to make his chest as unnoticeable as possible. “I uhh… felt a bit.. sick. Yeah, I felt a bit sick.” He lies, hoping his friend won’t question him. “Oh, are you okay now, though?” He sounds concerned. Of course Kirishima is concerned about his friend, he always is. “Yeah, I’m fine now. I just felt a bit off, you know.”
They get to the merch-store and walks inside. Bakugou instantly sees All Might merch, and one poster specifically, and walks over to it. “Holy shit!” He exclaims. It’s a pretty rare poster, but it would cost Bakugou all his money to buy it. Kirishima looks at Bakugou and watches the blonde teen get excited over an All Might poster. ’cute’ he thinks, then sees some Red Riot merch hoodies. Now it’s Kirishima’s turn to be excited. He looks at the hoodie and for a second he thinks about just taking it and running out of the store, which he obviously can’t do, since he’s a hero-in-training. He glances over at Bakugou, who’s looking at the other All Might merch as well, and not just the poster. Kirishima looks back to the hoodie. ’ I need that one’ he takes it and waits for Bakugou to be done. “Find anything?” He asks Bakugou. Bakugou is quiet for a few seconds, thinking. Then he takes the poster that he first saw and looks at Kirishima. “Yeah.”
The two teens pays for their stuff and starts leaving the store, but Bakugou spots something in the corner of his eye when they’re about to walk outside. A small trans pin. Kirishima notices Bakugou looking at the pin. “Huh?” He turns to fully look at the small pin. ’does he want it? Is he…?’ his thoughts trails off when he sees Bakugou start to walks out of the store again. “Bakubro, wait.” Kirishima says. “I uhh… forgot something. I’m just gonna get it.” The redhead walks back into the store, not even letting Bakugou speak before doing so.
Kirishima comes back out with something in his hand, and he subtly puts it in Bakugou’s hand, then starts walking towards the café. He has a feeling that Bakugou wouldn’t want him to make it a big deal, so he won’t. Bakugou opens his hand and looks down at the trans pin. ’he must’ve seen me looking at it. I’m an idiot.’ Bakugou sighs. ’at least he didn’t question me about it…’
Kirishima opens the door to the café for Bakugou to walks in first, then walks in himself. “So, what do you want?” Kirishima asks, looking at all the cakes, cookies, etcetera. Bakugou looks at the cookies. “Uhhh… that one.” He points to one of the chocolate cookies like a child. “Hm. I’ll take one of those as well, then.” Kirishima looks at the worker there. “Two of the chocolate chip cookies, please.” The worker nods and takes out two of the cookies, then puts them on a plate and hands it to Kirishima. “Anything else? Coffee? Soda?” Kirishima looks at Bakugou. “Do you want anything else?” He asks the blonde. “…..no.” He says after thinking. Kirishima looks back at the worker and shakes his head no. “Alright, then your total is…” Bakugou stops listening to the worker and looks around at the other people in the café. It’s quite a lot of people in a fairly small room. Too many for Bakugou’s comfort. He feels someone tap his shoulder, and he turns around. It’s just Kirishima. “Lets sit down, shall we?”
“This cookie is really good. Do you like yours as well, Bakugou?” ’Bakugou’. Kirishima usually calls him ‘Bakubro’. Not always, sure, but usually. Does he not like him anymore. Does Kirishima not want to be friends with him anymore…? It’s probably cause he’s trans, isn’t it…? “Yeah.” Bakugou answers shortly. He puts his hand over the pocket that he has the pin in. Kirishima gives Bakugou a questioning look, seeing as Bakugou doesn’t say much. “You don’t look too well. Do you feel sick again?” Bakugou’s eyes darts around the room, trying to see if anyone is watching him. It feels like someone is. ‘Sick’? He’d never feel sick. He can’t feel sick. He’s not weak. Does Kirishima think he’s weak? “No. I feel fine.” His voice is slightly rough, trying to sound like how he usually sounds. “Alright then.” Kirishima goes back to eating his cookie.
Eventually Kirishima finishes his cookie. “I’m done, what about you?” Bakugou looks back at the redhead. “Yeah, I’m done.” “Are you ready to go, then?” He asks. Kirishima would be fine with staying a bit longer if Bakugou would like. He’s noticed that Bakugou’s been acting a bit weird recently, and he wants to make sure everything’s alright, but he doesn’t want to force an answer out of Bakugou. “Yeah.”
The two gets back to the dorms, and Bakugou immediately goes to his dorm room. Kirishima watches as his blonde friend leaves, wondering if he did something wrong. ’did I do something wrong? Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten him that pin. Is he upset at me cause of it? Or is he upset cause of something else? If he even upset? He must be. there’s no other reason he would be acting this way, right..?’ Kirishima feels like a horrible friend for not knowing what’s up with Bakugou. He doesn’t know if he did something to upset Bakugou, or if Bakugou just doesn’t want to be friends with him anymore.
Bakugou is once again lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. “…I’m a horrible person..and an even worse friend…” he mumbles to no one. His room is dark, just so that he won’t have to see himself in the mirror. He hates seeing himself in the mirror and in photos. His chest always looks so big, and his face so feminine. He should’ve been the one to be bullied in middle school, not Izuku. He’s a freak, even more than Izuku was. Bakugou’s friends didn’t know that, though. Until they did. He closes his eyes, thinking back at that horrible, horrible memory that keeps playing in his head, over and over.
“Whooow! Bakugou’s a girl!! Bakugou’s a girl! Guys, look at her!! He is actually a she!!” One of Bakugou’s ‘friends’ yelled. The blonde boy thought he was alone in the boy’s changing room, which he was, until one of his so called ‘friends’ came back to get their phone, seeing Bakugou in his only chest-binder in the process. As soon as his ‘friend’ saw him, they yelled ‘Hey, guys! Come look at this!’, and, of course, the rest of Bakugou’s ‘friends’ came into the changing room. “Ewww! What is that!? A bra? I knew you were a girl all along!! Freak!!”
Bakugou remembers that moment like the back of his hand. He remembers the humiliation, and the pain of his ‘friends’ laughing at him, and calling him exactly what he was. A girl . He knows deep down that he deserved it after what he did to Izuku, but it still hurt. He still felt betrayed, despite probably deserving it. There’s not one second that he wishes that he would’ve waited a little longer before changing. There’s not a day he wishes that he didn’t bully Izuku. The teachers and the principal at the school didn’t do anything about the things that Bakugou’s ‘friends’ called him. They ignored it. They ignored it just like they ignored Izuku getting bullied. “…that’s what they call karma…” Bakugou mumbles. Even though it was a while ago since his so called friends said those things, it feels like it was yesterday. It even feels like they’re in his dorm room right now, taunting him. “You’re a girl!!” “What’s wrong, girly? Scared to admit you’re a liar?” “I can’t believe I’ve been friends with a tranny all along. Disgusting.” “You’re never gonna be a real boy.” “Tranny!!” “Girl!” “Freak!!” “Fucking disgrace..” he can hear them taunt him. Mock him. Laugh at him.
He turns his his bed, burying his face in the pillow and putting his hands over his ears. “Shut up!! Shut up! Shut up!!” He yells into the pillow. He wants them all to shut up. To leave him alone. Will they ever let him be? He suddenly hears a knock on the door, and he looks up from the pillow and at the door. “Huh…?” Someone knocks again. “Bakugou?” Kirishima’s voice is heard from outside the door. “Are you alright? Can I come in?” Bakugou doesn’t answer. The voices are quieter now, but they’re still there. Still mocking him. Making fun of him for what’s out of his control. Kirishima is getting anxious. Too anxious. He hesitantly opens the door and peeks inside. “…Bakugou..?” He sounds nervous, almost scared for his friend’s wellbeing. “Are you-“ the redhead pauses. “Why are you crying..? What happened?” ’Crying’? Bakugou touches his face, and sure enough, he’s crying. He didn’t even notice himself, he was too focused on the awful and humiliating words which were said to him in his own mind. Kirishima walks into the room and sits in the bed beside Bakugou. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird recently.” Kirishima seems to genuinely care for Bakugou, something that feels and sounds foreign to the blond. No one has ever cared about him. Not like this.
Bakugou looks at Kirishima for a few seconds. Staring, before looks down at the bed. Then he suddenly lets out a broken sob. “…I’m sorry…” he cries. Kirishima is stunned. Bakugou… crying and apologizing? Something must be seriously wrong. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s alright. Don’t.. don’t cry.” Kirishima tries to calm him down. He pulls Bakugou up in a sitting position and hugs him. “What’s wrong?” He asks with obvious and genuine concern in his voice. Bakugou puts his hand over his pocket once again. The pocket with the pin in. “..I-..I’m a girl..I’m a liar..I’m..I’m not ac-..actually a boy…” he sobs, grabbing and holding onto Kirishima as if his life depended on it. “What—? No, no, Bakugou, you are. You are a boy. I know you are, and you should know that too.” Kirishima soothes, or at least tries to. “I am a-..a girl!” Bakugou cries harder. “I am…! I’m..I’m a liar…I’m not a real boy..I’m a girl…they..they’re right…” Kirishima frowns. He’s never seen Bakugou like this. “Who are ‘they’?” “..my..my f-friend from mi-middle school…” Bakugou is struggling to talk slightly cause of his sobbing. “‘Friends’? They don’t sound like very good friends…” Kirishima keeps hugging Bakugou, now gently rubbing him back. “…they’re not here right now, though. They can’t hurt you. They can’t feed you their lies anymore, Bakugou…” He starts tracing random patterns on the blond’s back, in hopes of soothing him.
Bakugou starts calming down eventually. He sniffles. “…I’m a horrible person…” he mumbles, burying his face in Kirishima’s short. “You’re not.” Kirishima argues gently. “…I am… I-I bullied Izuku…and I…I…” he can’t even say it. He can’t say that he told Izuku to jump off a building. He can’t even get the words out. “Shhh… that’s in the past.. and Izuku’s a very nice and forgiving person, I’m sure he’d forgive you if you said sorry for what you did…” Kirishima almost sounds like a mother talking to her child. “…I don’t deserve forgiveness…” Kirishima looks down at Bakugou. “Everyone deserves forgiveness, unless they murdered or raped someone, of course. And you haven’t done either of those.” Kirishima’s right. Bakugou didn’t rape or murder anyone, ever. But his words could’ve killed Izuku. He can’t help but think ‘what if Izuku actually would’ve jumped?’. And that’s enough for Bakugou to feel like he doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
“Are you alright now?” Kirishima asks after a few minutes. Bakugou’s crying and sobbing has calmed down, and now he’s just sniffling every once in a while. “…mh-hm…” he hums quietly. He’s starting to feel a bit tired. It’s probably pretty late by now. “You should go to sleep.. you usually go to sleep at, like, 8, right?” Bakugou nods. “Then you should go to sleep.” Kirishima stands up, getting ready to leave to go to the common room to be with the rest of the class, but Bakugou grabs Kirishima’s shirt before the redhead can even take a step. “…stay with me…” he says quietly, almost whispering. He’s looking down at the floor, not wanting to see the disgusted look on Kirishima’s face when he finds out that Bakugou is too weak to even be alone in his own dorm room. Kirishima looks down at Bakugou, his expression far from disgust. “Okay.” He says gently and sits back down on the bed. Bakugou has to take a moment to process that. ‘“Okay”? He’ll stay? He’ll stay with me?’
Bakugou lies back down on the bed and looks at Kirishima. “…rest now…” Kirishima says gently, like parent or brother putting their child or sibling to sleep. Bakugou keeps his hold on Kirishima’s shirt, and he quickly falls asleep after just a few minutes. Kirishima smiles softly at the sight of Bakugou sleeping. He looks really peaceful. Kirishima lies down next to him, and quickly falls asleep as well.
For once, Bakugou doesn’t feel alone during the night, not even in his dreams. He’s actually at peace for once. It’s a weird and new feeling for him, but he can definitely get used to it. It feels really nice actually; not being alone with his thoughts for once.