Chapter Text
Remus didn’t know much, but he knew he was different.
He knew that not everyone went through the transformation once a month.
He knew that not everyone was covered in scars.
He knew that not everyone grew up in a house where their parents were scared of them.
He knew that he was a werewolf.
Remus woke up, locked up in the cellar again. He spent one horrible night a month locked up in here, tearing himself up. Last night must’ve been a particularly bad one. There were black spots dancing through his vision. His whole body hurt. Pains were shooting through him. He looked blearily down at his body, finding jagged slash marks that stretched over much of his side. He knew he had to do something about it, but he couldn’t bring himself to move, instead silently watching blood trickle down his bare torso. He always transformed naked, due to his father's insistence not to ruin any of his clothes.
After a couple minutes, he managed to drag himself over to the ragged, disgusting mattress that was pressed in the corner of the room. He pulled the thin, stained blanket off of it and pressed it into his side, hissing at the sting. He just had to wait for Lyall to come get him. Then he could go into his room and wrap up his new wounds. Lyall almost always waited hours after the transformation was complete, as though one of these times Remus would stay transformed for longer. He was terrified of his eleven-year-old son. Remus tried to act like he didn’t notice, but it was impossible not to. Every time he walked into a room, Lyall would walk out. Even Hope seemed nervous around him.
Remus curled up, still pressing the sheet into his side, his heavy eyes slowly closing as he drifted off, waiting for his father to retrieve him.
When he woke up for the second time that day, he was back in his own room. He glanced at the barred window. It must’ve been nearly dinnertime. His side was wrapped messily, as though the person who did it had been afraid he’d wake up and attack them. He let out a low groan and forced himself to sit up. He knew that Lyall could heal him magically, so why didn’t he? He had boxers on now, which someone must’ve put on. His head was pounding from the bright light flooding into the room.
Remus dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest, breathing deeply. He stayed like that for a few more moments before he turned his head back to the window. He had received a letter from Hogwarts recently, telling him what he needed, and when the train would be leaving for school. Unfortunately, it would be leaving tomorrow, and he was already dreading it. He could already tell that he was still going to be in pain, and he knew that he’d just want to sleep, yet he wouldn’t be able to. He wanted to be away from the house, but he didn’t want to go off to some magic school to be away.
He forced himself to stand up and get dressed, knowing that he’d be in trouble if he missed dinner. Lyall always wanted to have family dinners, no matter the circumstance. The only exception is the night of the full moon, when Remus spends most of the day locked up. He nearly tripped over the trunk that was pressed up against his dresser, packed and ready for Hogwarts. He winced as he maneuvered on a long-sleeved shirt, then opened his door and dragged himself downstairs. He avoided looking at the mirror hanging on his door, not wanting to see any scars that might be poking out from under his sleeves.
No one was in the living room, but he could hear the lowered voices of Lyall and Hope in the kitchen. He froze, listening intently. He had better ears than many people, so he could just make out the conversation.
“..they have somewhere for him? I don’t want him to hurt anyone..” Remus tensed upon hearing Hope’s anxious voice, knowing they were talking about him. They probably just don't want to have to fill out the paperwork, he thought bitterly.
“Yes, we’ve been over this, Hope. You should just be happy that we don’t have to deal with him all year anymore,” Lyall’s voice was considerably sharper than Hope’s had been. They had obviously had this conversation before. Remus flinched at the harsh way that his father spoke about him.
“But-”
“It’s not like he’ll care. The only reason he doesn’t want to go is because they’ll probably restrain him properly with silver chains or something.” Remus took a step back, not sure if he wants to hear anymore of this conversation. Of Lyall talking about him like he’s an animal. He hadn’t even thought about transforming at Hogwarts.. Was that true? Would they wrap him up in silver chains? Treat him like a dog that needed to be muzzled? He felt like he was going to be sick. He began to turn towards the stairs, but he stepped on a creaky floorboard that he’d forgotten about, and the voices fell silent.
“Remus?” He heard Hope call out. Dejected, he turned around. It was too late now. He cast a final longing glance upstairs, then advanced towards the kitchen.
“Yeah, it’s me,” his voice was scratchy from screaming and howling all night. It sounded horrible, even to him.
“Oh, morning darling! Are you excited for Hogwarts?” Hope was using a falsely cheery voice. He decided not to point out that it was, indeed, afternoon.
“Sure,” he said, stopping in the kitchen doorway. Lyall had turned his back to Remus, not sparing him so much as a glance. Remus leaned against the doorway, his legs still shaky from the full moon. None of his body felt like it was..right. He closed his eyes for a moment, while Hope attempted to continue on as some sort of peacekeeper. He turned around and sat down at his seat at the dining room table, not wanting to sit around and participate in the pathetic conversation his mum was trying to stir up. He could see her disappointed face looking out at him, but he just shot her a glare before resting his head in his hands. He had an ear-splitting headache, and it was driving him insane.
Just one more day, he told himself. Hogwarts will be better than this, he told himself. Even if he didn’t believe it.
James was ecstatic. He could barely eat his food. He could see his mum and dad shooting amused looks at him throughout dinner. He was too distracted dreaming about all the friends he would make there. He could have a room with Peter and cause all sorts of chaos and be the best quidditch player–he’d be the youngest player and eventually the captain of the team! He couldn’t wait to go to Hogwarts the next day. He doubted he’d be able to sleep at all, but he didn’t mind. His trunk was packed and sitting by the front door.
He shoved a final bite of his food into his mouth before looking at his mum. “I’m so excited!” He announced, his voice sounding embarrassingly high.
Euphemia raised an eyebrow, obviously holding back a laugh. “Really? I couldn’t tell,” she smirked, her tone light and teasing.
James grinned brightly. “I’m gonna be the youngest student to make it onto the quidditch team! And then I’ll become the captain–maybe not right away, but I will! I promise I will!”
Fleamont chimed in before Euphemia could respond to that, “I bet you will. We can’t wait to watch,” he leaned over and ruffled James’ hair, messing it up even more. James laughed and ducked away from his father, even though he didn’t really mind. He twitched in his seat, thoughts drifting away again.
He was pretty sure that dorms had four people in each one, which meant that he could have Peter and two other friends. He was buzzing with excitement at the prospect. He beamed and looked out the window, as though the train would pull up and take him away early. He was slightly disappointed when it didn’t. Oh, well, he could wait another day.
Remus looked at the train. Maybe he would’ve been excited, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was so exhausted, and his body still throbbed and ached. He walked away from his father, not even saying goodbye or looking back at him. He dragged himself into the train and found an empty compartment, struggling to get his trunk onto the rack, then sitting down and leaning against the window. He was fully prepared to sleep away the entire ride, but he heard the door slide open again and someone stepped in, he turned his annoyed gaze over to the new person, but his traitorous heart fluttered and his eyes widened slightly.
The person standing in the doorway was a gorgeous boy with curly black hair and stunning gray eyes. He was wearing a perfect grin. Remus was struck silent for a few moments when the boy spoke. His voice was just as perfect as the rest of him. “Hello! I’m Sirius Black. What’s your name?” He had a posh accent, clearly from a pureblood family. He didn’t know much about the wizarding community beyond that. Remus shook his shocking thoughts about the boy–Sirius–away, reestablishing his annoyed gaze.
“Remus,” he grunted, forcing his gaze back outside the window, as though he was searching for his family in the crowd, but he couldn’t care less about where Lyall went. He shifted restlessly, half hoping that Sirius would leave him alone, but a few moments later, Remus heard him slide into the seat next to him. He groaned inwardly.
“There’s a lot of room in here. Pretty surprising, if you ask me! It didn’t look like this from outside. Maybe there’s an expansion charm in place.” Remus watched Sirius chatter on from the corner of his eye. He was too tired for this. He didn’t bother responding to anything he was saying. Just as he was about to drift off–again–the door opened again and two new people walked in.
There was a boy with round glasses and wild, dark hair that had a mischievous grin, and a sandy blonde with an anxious expression. They introduced themselves before sitting down. One of them, James, had a posh accent as well, but the other, Peter, had a slight accent, but nothing too bad. Remus rolled his eyes as the boys all started talking at very loud levels, joking around and generally being boisterous. So much for a quiet train ride. Remus ended up falling asleep anyways, sleeping for the entire train ride.
Once again acting like a corpse, he waited impatiently for the day’s celebrations to end. He was sorted into Gryffindor with Sirius, Peter, and James. He gladly followed one of the prefects, Frank, to the Gryffindor common room, listened to him say the password, then immediately found his dorm and promptly fell asleep. He could find out who his dormmates were another day.