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You stare at your phone your phone in disbelief, looking at your best friend's Instagram account. They two of you had gotten into a fight a few days ago. It was bigger than your normal fights, but you decided to give her a couple of days to cool off before contacting her like you normally did. You were confused when the phone only rang once before it went to voicemail and when none of your texts were going through. Desperate to contact her, you went over to Instagram to try to dm her, not sure if you were just having issues with your phone. But when you saw that her profile picture was back to the default avatar and it read that she had 0 pictures, you knew that she had blocked you on everything.
The fight was earth-shatteringly bad. You had said things you know you can never take back, you both did, but you didn't think that this was it for you. That she was willingly to throw away years of friendship without even fighting for it just like that. That she could just toss you aside. Almost like you and your friendship meant nothing to her.
You bite your lower lip, trying to hold back your tears, before shoving your phone in your hoodie pocket. You take a deep breath before finally leaving your room for the first time today. You head straight to the fridge and grab a water bottle from the fridge. You lean against the kitchen counter as you unscrew the bottle cap and take a long sip. You go through all your possible next steps in your head. You're not entirely sure what to do, you've never seen your best friend this mad, not even when she caught her boyfriend cheating on her with one of your mutual friends. Or maybe she was, but since you weren't at the receiving end of her wrath you didn't know how to make up with her. You contemplate just going over to her apartment and trying to talk to her, but something tells you that it would only blow up in your face. Your thoughts stop as more water you were intending to take, floods your mouth and immediately hitting the back of your throat, causing you to choke. You quickly drop the bottle and turn around and cough out the water into the sink. Behind you, you could hear your brother laughing. He must of tipped the bottle while you were drinking and you were too lost in your thoughts to notice him enter the room.
"Holy shit, I didn't think I would actually get you!" He laughs louder.
You continue to cough, trying to catch your breath. Some of the water went down the wrong pipe and now your lungs are suffering. Still laughing, your brother comes up behind you and pats your back, trying to help you expel some of the water. You turn around and slap his arm off of you.
"What the actual fuck, Jisung?" You spit, finally catching your breath.
"D-dude, I thought you heard me. My bad," His laugh slowing down a bit, but he couldn't help chuckling.
You haven't seen Jisung all week despite living with him. After fighting with your best friend, you spent so much time on campus, at work, or locked away in your room. His work schedule would keep him busy but he usually would make it his mission to come harass you at least once a day. It was his right as your older brother. But since you hardly left your room while you were home and kept the door locked, he took advantage of you being dazed to mess with you. It wasn't weird for him to not see you for long periods of time. He knows that you get distracted easily when the two of you hang out so when you really need to buckle down for school, he would leave you alone.
"God, you need to grow the fuck up!" You yell. His face drop as the tears you were holding back roll down your face. Jisung was blissfully unaware that his harmless prank would push you past your breaking point. He brings his hand to your face to wipe your tears. You quickly push his hand away.
"Bro, what is your problem?" He asks a little annoyed. You sniffle as you wipe the back of your hand across you cheek and stopping off to your room, leaving Jisung confused in the kitchen.
***
You feel bad about blowing up at Jisung. You know he was just joking around like he usually does with you. How was he supposed to know that you were going through a crisis? You mentally add him to your now gowing people to make amends with. You bury your body further into your pillows and let out a choked sob, everything you've been holding in all week finally hitting you all at once.
It just dawned on you that your best friend is gone and that there was no way in hell you were ever going to get her back. Yow two have known each other since kindergarten, you were each other's day one. You know you're not completely to blame for the fights, that neither of you were blameless, but you can't help but feel guilty for all of it.
knock, knock
Your door creaks open as Jisung pokes his head into your room. His eyes land on your figure in your bed. He almost missed you at first thinking you were a pile of clothes. His heart aches knowing that you're in pain.
On some level, he knew something was up with you this week. Even when you were deep into your studies, there would at least be some sort of sign of life from you whether it was your freshly washed dishes in the top corner of the washing machine or musicly loudly coming from your room. But he wasn't even sure when you were home with how quiet you were. Anytime he went to go check on you, your door was locked, a habit you developed after you realized how often he went into your room to mess with your stuff when you weren't home.
He sits down quietly on your bed and puts a hand on your back, feeling the vibrations emanating from you as you sob into your pillow. He presses his lips together and tilts his head up to look at the ceiling. Ever since you two were kids, he would always get upset when you were upset and make it his personal mission to cheer you up. Sure, he would tease you all day, every day, but the second he knew he had taken it too far he would try to get you to smile. When it came to you, he took his role as the older sibling and the peace keeping sibling very seriously. Especially if your oldest brother was teasing you relentlessly.
"Hey, get dressed," He says softly, rubbing his hand across your back.
"Don't wanna," You mumble into your pillow.
"C'mon," He whines, dragging out the 'o.'
"Ji," You turn your head to face the wall, "I'm not in the mood to go out with you right now."
"Either you get up and get dressed or I drag your ass out of bed and drag you around everywhere by your ankle." He huffs.
You groan and get out of bed, grabbing some clothes as you head to the bathroom. You know he's not joking about the dragging you around part. He's done it before, several times actually.
***
You sit in front of the large fish tank and watch as the fish swim past you. Jisung's big plan was to take you to the aquarium and it was working. Walking through the various exhibits and watching all sorts of sea life float by, combined with the music that is currently blasting through your headphones, calmed you down significantly. The two of you were walking around for about two hours before Jisung left you alone in front of the largest tank, promising that he would be back.
Your focus is taken off of the tiger shark you were watching when an ice cream cone appears in front of your face. You take the ice cream and turn and give your brother a small smile. You pull off you headphones and turn your attention back to the tank.
You two sit in silence as you watch more fish swim by. You both were sitting crisscrossed right in front of the tank.
"I fucked everything up," You whisper, finally wanting to talk.
"Is the world still spinning?" He asks suddenly.
"What?" You laugh.
"Is the world world still spinning, yes or no?" He asks again, chuckling.
"Yeah,"
"Then you didn't fuck everything up." He says simply.
"My best friend dumped me. We had a major fight a few days ago and she blocked me on everything." You hold back your tears again, focusing on a sea lion that made it's way in front of you.
"That's her loss."
"I don't have any other friends. I'm all alone, Ji."
"I'll be your friend, your best friend even. You're the coolest person I know. And you're funny. And smart. And you know where mom hides the good snacks when we go home."
"I'm not going to be best friends with my brother like some loser. Especially you, we already live together." You groan.
"Hey! I'm sitting here trying to cheer you up and you're insulting me." He exaggerates.
"Sorry," You mumble, eating a bit of your ice cream.
"Look," Jisung elbows your side to get you to look at him, "I don't know what you did, but we all make mistakes. People come and go in your life sometimes. I know it's hard, but sometimes things like this happen to test the relationships in our lives. It hurts, I know, but you'll feel better over time. Until then, since you don't want to be my friend, I can be a stand-in for you when you need someone to bitch to."
"When...when did you get so smart? You used to eat dirt when we were little. Pretty sure you ate a worm one time."
"Oh, shut up and eat your fucking ice cream." He huffs. You can't help but crack a small smile.
"Ji?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks for taking me out today. I really needed it."
"That's what I'm here for, getting on your last nerve and pulling you from doom spirals. Now, seriously, eat that ice cream. I paid good money for that." He knocks your hand, lightly shoving the ice cream in your face.