Work Text:
'I'm going out to get groceries, do you want anything Min?'
Light from the living room streams into Jimin's bedroom as Yoongi opens the door slightly and peaks into the dimly lit room.
Jimin, previously lying idly on his bed, counting the cobwebs on his walls through the light of the lamp beside his bed, looks up to the older and shakes his head as he mumbles a soft no.
"Well, okay, I'll be back soon. Take care of yourself, yeah?"
Yoongi says, frowning in concern at the monotonous tone he received as a reply, but he shakes that thought off and wills himself to stop overthinking it as he leaves.
With Yoongi gone to the grocery store, Jimin is the only person in the dorm now. It's a perfect opportunity for him, something that doesn't happen frequently, so he gets out of bed and grabs the medicine supplies from the bathroom.
Then he pulls out a box from his drawer and picks up the scalpel, he holds it with his right hand as he observes the silver glinting in the light. Then he keeps it aside as he hastily pulls down his pants and sits down, taking support against the bed. He needs this, he needs it to hurt, to stop the constantly streaming thoughts in his head, to numb the pain.
Yoongi would be disappointed, he knows. He promised him he wouldn't do this, that he would come to him when it got that bad again but he can't. He needs this. It's not like he's killing himself, right? At least not anytime soon. If this isn't hurting anyone else, why does it even matter? He's only getting what he deserves, what he needs.
He stares at his thigh, cuts from a few days before that are still healing, and darker scars from a year ago lined up parallel to each other. Without hesitation, he presses the blade against the untouched area of his skin and swipes it across quickly. He stares as blood beads up on the fresh cut and then makes another right next it. Then another and another, until he has an array of crimson lines scattered on his thigh. It burns, but it still doesn't feel like it's enough. He lifts up his left hand and stares at the unscarred skin, contemplating whether he should do it or not. He never let himself do it there, him being an idol and all, but he doesn't care anymore. He presses the blade against his wrist and drags it across his skin, but it doesn't work. He can't even do this right. He is entirely useless, always taking up space and wasting people's time, constantly bothering Yoongi and the other members with his stupid problems. Always just a bother, a burden. He doesn't deserve the care and love he gets, he's done nothing to earn it.
His head is still screaming at him to try again, to dig deeper but, a wave of dizziness hits him and he decides to stop for today. He cleans off the blood with a piece of cotton and applies the medicine before sealing it off with a bandage. He lays there for a while as he comes down from the high, too exhausted to even pull up his pants, let alone get up and move to his bed no matter how much he tries to convince himself to do it.
Somewhere along that, Jimin must have dozed off because when he opens his eyes again, Yoongi is staring at him, eyes furrowed in concern and worry all over his face. Jimin is confused before he remembers exactly why he's laying on the floor, and he remembers the bandage on his very exposed wrist and thigh and fuck, he should've locked the door. Yoongi wasn't supposed to see him like this, but now he's here and Jimin's made him worried and Jimin needs to hurt for that. For making Yoongi worry about him when it isn't necessary at all. For being a burden.
His fingers unconsciously move down to his thighs as the thoughts get louder, and they dig into the cuts he's inflicted upon himself before he feels Yoongi's hands gently pulling them away. He presses his lips against Jimin's hands and whispers, "Don't do that love, you'll hurt yourself. I'm here now, it's okay. I know the meanies in your head are telling you bad things but none of it is true Min. I love you," Yoongi says as he pulls Jimin closer to him, his voice full of care and love, and he continues, "You want to move to the bed? It'll be more comfy."
Yoongi must see the hesitation and struggle on Jimin's face as he tries to speak because he then holds the other's hand and says, "Hey it's okay, squeeze my hand once if yes, or twice if no."
A few seconds later, Yoongi feels his hand being squeezed once, so he helps Jimin get up and allows him to change into comfortable clothes, letting him take support against him if needed and being careful not to touch the bandaged area. He then tucks him in bed and hands him a glass of water to drink as he cleans up the bedroom quickly, blinking back unshed tears as he looks at the blood-soaked cotton on the floor.
"Yoon," Jimin croaks out, tears threatening to leak from his eyes, "I'm sorry." He's hurting Yoongi, he can see that. He knows him well enough to see through his act of pretending to be okay just because Jimin needs him right now. "I'm sorry." He is sorry. Sorry for breaking his promise, sorry for making Yoongi go through this, sorry for being a burden and for really just existing.
"Shh, it's okay Jimin-ah. It's okay to slip up, and it's okay to need to be taken care of sometimes, yeah? I love you very much." Yoongi says as he finishes up and crawls into bed. "Did you take care of everything properly?" Jimin merely nods and snuggles up to him as he lets out a sob, continuing to chant a mantra of I'm sorrys as he tries to even out his breathing. Yoongi holds him through it all, whispering reassurances every few seconds, caressing and kissing the younger's hair till he finally falls asleep.