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‘ you’re late. satoru. ’
he stands there, staring at the crumpled heap that is his best friend. even after everything they’d gone through, everything that suguru had done, satoru couldn’t bring himself to do more than take a step forward.
‘ suguru. ’
he crouches before him, arms folded over his lap as he stares at him. what did you say to someone that you cared for so deeply when you come across them in such a predicament?
‘ my one and only best friend. ’
a laugh escapes the other, head shaking as he smiles.
‘ at least hit me with some curses at my end. ’
the man stands, swallowing at the emotions that are welling up as he stares at him. of all the ways for things to turn out, this was not what he’d expected. when they first started going to the school together, satoru had always imagined them both becoming teachers, imagined them both bringing up new generations of sorcerers to help the world. but instead everything had come down crashing and burning around them after amanai’s death. they’d both changed becasue of it, because of the whole mission, but their paths had diverged in a way satoru never would have anticipated.
‘ i couldn’t even if i wanted to. ’
footsteps are heard in the distances. more sorcerers coming to apprehend suguru or to have satoru tell them he’s already been dealt with. but the man can’t allow it. can’t bring himself to kill the only man he’d ever trusted, the only man he’d ever…well that was something he needed to not think about right now. without much thought to the action, he stoops down, hoisting the man up and draping the arm the man still has over his shoulders.
‘ satoru, what are you- ’
‘ just shut up. ’
he starts to move them through the alleyways, guides them to avoid the rest of the sorcerers that are after him. if he can get him out of here, get him somewhere safe, then maybe just maybe things could turn out okay. wishful thinking, perhaps, but he was beyond thinking rationally. not when it came to suguru. there’s a groan from the man hanging off him and he realizes just how little time they have. he pauses, finding a spot where he can at least wrap the stub where his arm was. he rests suguru against a wall, letting him slide down long enough that he can tug his blindfold out, moving to wrap it around the stub to try and keep it from bleeding out any further. the fabric quickly soaks itself with blood, however, making him feel sick to his stomach. satoru gets him hoisted again before they’re once more moving, much to the displeasure of his companion.
‘ where are we going? just leave me to meet my fate, satoru. ’
‘ you and i both know i can’t do that. ’
an exasperated groan escapes suguru but the man pays no mind. his goal is to get him to safety and figure things out from there. it takes a bit, trying to wade through the city without others finding them as they move, but soon, satoru manages to find a place for them to hide. he sets the man down before he’s kneeling beside him to check on the wound again. thankfully when he’d covered it, it staunched enough of the bleeding to make sure that he wouldn’t bleed to death. his phone is pulled from his pocket then, shoko’s number dialed before putting it up to his ear. he can only hope she’s willing to come help.
‘ where the hell are you? ’
the first thing out of her mouth would be that.
‘ it’s complicated. are you with anyone? ’
‘ what kind of an answer is that, satoru? why does that matter if i’m alone? ’
‘ because i need your help. ’
there’s a pause and an inhale on her end.
‘ you found suguru. ’
it’s not a question but a statement. one that he can hear the mixture of relief and strain in. on one hand, finding him was a relief, it meant that maybe there was a chance for them to help him. on the other, there was the fact that if either got caught helping him they’d have to deal with the higher ups.
‘ are you willing to help ? ’
another pause, one that extends for what feels like a lifetime.
‘ where are you ? ’
a sigh of relief escapes the man, gratefulness flooding through him. he’s thankful to have shoko on his side when it comes to it all. he tells her where they are, tells her to be careful on her way over, and then ends the call. instead, his attention turns once more to suguru. the man has since fallen asleep, soft breathing escaping him to let the man know he was still alive and hadn’t keeled over on him yet. when was the last time that satoru had seen him in such a peaceful state? even in the weeks leading up to him leaving and destroying that village, it seemed like any time of day or night that satoru wandered by suguru’s room he was awake. had so much really plagued him since amanai that he just hadn’t picked up on? his heart clenches at the idea, stomach sinking. he’d been a lousy friend, one that hadn’t been there when he was needed. but maybe things could change now. maybe they could get him back to understanding that non-sorcerers didn’t need to be exterminated. wishful thinking, perhaps, on satoru’s side but it was worth hoping for even if the chance was slim.
he slides down to sit opposite of him while he wakes for shoko to show up. it seems like hours as he waits, time slow as he watches the man across from him. he could only hope shoko would be able to help him enough that all of this wouldn’t be for naught. when she finally arrives, she slides inside, moving over to check on him without even glancing at satoru. he says nothing, not wanting to interrupt her while she’s working. it isn’t until she’s moved her hand up to heal the wound that he stands himself.
‘ where are you going this time? ’
hands are stuffed into pockets as he makes his way to the door that leads once more outside their little safe zone.
‘ i need to deal with the higher ups. try to get them to agree to not kill him. ’
‘ that’s ridiculous. it would be smarter to just hide him somewhere. ’
‘ when have i ever made smart choices when it comes to suguru? ’ when had he ever made smart choices in general, was likely what she was thinking but that was a quip for another time. ‘ just…keep an eye on him for me while i figure things out. i don’t want this to be for no reason. ’ there wasn’t no reason, of course, but that didn’t mean he needed to say it out loud.
as if reading his mind, she looks up at him. ‘ he’s going to ask why you did this when he wakes up. ’
of course he would. which was another reason it would be best for him not to be around when he woke up. what was he supposed to tell him? the truth? he’d rather take that to his grave if possible. ‘ just tell him i couldn’t watch my best friend die. that’s all. it’s what he’ll expect. ’
it looks like she wants to argue with him, knowing far more than satoru would like her to, but he doesn’t allow her to. without another word, he steps out of the little building. he had a battle ahead of him that wouldn’t be won with strength alone, one he didn’t know if it could be won at all. but any chance was worth taking for suguru. it always had been.
months had passed since then. the fight to get the higher ups to agree to keep suguru around had been a long one and almost hadn’t been won. had it not been for yaga believing in him and saying that if anyone could get suguru to rehabilitate it’d be satoru, then things would have turned out worse. as it was, they had him on constant surveillance whenever he and suguru were to meet. at least until recently. things had been going well, or at least as well as they could go when the man you’re in love with wasn’t willing to change his way of thinking.
that was another thing, he’d not mentioned once to suguru the real reason for why he’d rescued him. but what could he say? ‘i’m in love with you and couldn’t live with the idea of killing you’? it sounded ridiculous. their relationship had always been different, of course, but they’d never pushed over that boundary. satoru wasn’t willing to ruin what they had for something more. he still wasn’t and was entirely sure that with everything that had happened, it was going to be hard enough to get him to trust him again as it was, never mind adding more emotions into everything.
but that was all something for him to handle alone. today, he’s more focused on the fact that he’s on his way to visit the other. it was a routine that he’d gotten into since moving suguru and the girls, mimiko and nanako, into regular society. it’d been a hard transition, but suguru had agreed that the girls needed to be in school, needed some semblance of normalcy. satoru had made sure that they would be well taken care of, though they would be watched while they were out and about as a precaution. he’d tried hard, telling them as long as suguru was watched the girls wouldn’t do anything, but it’d fallen on deaf ears.
he stands at the front door for longer than necessary before reaching up and knocking at the door. it takes a few minutes before the man himself answers the door.
‘ you know, it feels as though your visits have been getting more and more frequent. ’
a smile as the man slips past him, shoes slid off once he’s inside before he waits for the other to lead him through the home. ‘ if you didn’t want me around, you’d have made it known by now. ’
there’s a scoff but suguru doesn’t make any more to retort. he instead turns on his heel to return to wherever he’d been prior to getting up ( likely the living room if satoru had to guess ). ‘ tea is in the kitchen as usual. part of me wonders if you can tell when i make a fresh pot. ’
‘ you make one at the same time every day. not hard to know you’ll make a new one, sugu. ’
the nickname falls off his tongue before he can stop himself but it doesn’t seem to phase the other. instead, he huffs out a sigh as he settles himself once more while satoru makes his way to get the tea. though he does pause to check and see suguru needs more, noting that he does and taking it upon himself to make him another cup as well.
‘ am i really so consistent? god, no wonder i’m bored out of my mind. ’
‘ you could try taking up a hobby. ’
‘ a bit difficult, now that my pastimes have to be monitored constantly by a certain someone. ’
the comment is made as he sideyes him as he brings in the cups. he won’t admit it out loud but it’s nice to have someone else around while the girls are home. it means he has help when he wouldn’t normally. being with only one arm was still something he was trying to get used to.
‘ as long as you aren’t attempting to be a homicidal maniac i don’t care what you do with your time. ’
‘ i’m not sure what i could feasibly do like this either. ’
satoru wants to mention that he could have had shoko help him get it back but he’d made the mistake of doing so before. suguru had gone on about it being his penance, something he deserved so now he just doesn’t bother mentioning it.
‘ dunno. but there has to be stuff you can do one handed. not everything requires two hands. ’
‘ then give me a suggestion, satoru. instead of beating around the bush. ’
satoru lifts his cup, blowing steam away from it before taking a sip. he hums afterwards, thinking. ‘ could take up painting. go fishing. meditate. learn to use a computer and play online games like chess. could waste your time with mobile games if you wanted. ’
the look that suguru gives him makes him want to laugh.
‘ i’m sure one-handed fishing would go swimmingly . ’ eyes roll, sarcasm thick in his voice. ‘ i’m going stir crazy, satoru. i need sunlight . sunlight without the damn school breathing down my neck. ’
‘ it was just a suggestion, eesh. ’ a head shake given. ‘ as for sunlight, painting would be a good way to go. set it up outside and there you go. ’
‘ maybe. when i figure out how to hold a pencil again. ’ eyes him again. ‘ it’s comforting to see you’re just as helpful as always. ’
satoru can’t help but smirk over the edge of his cup. insufferable was his middle name at this point, especially when it came to suguru. ‘ i’m doing what i can already. there’s a reason you aren’t being followed twenty-four-seven, sugu. ’
‘ you could stand to breathe down my neck a little less, you know. ’
‘ is that your way of saying you don’t want my company anymore? ’
‘ i don’t need your company every other day of the week. ’
‘ too bad for you, isn’t it? i rather enjoy coming to visit. ’
‘ too bad indeed. ’ though something about his tone tells satoru that it’s a lie. he won’t bother mentioning it though. ‘ maybe you need to find a hobby if you’re here all the time. ’
‘ i have my hobbies. and work. these are a nice break, thought. i don’t have to hide seeing you anymore. ’
‘ as if you made much of an effort to hide it in the first place. ’ there’s a soft snort of laughter that escapes him with the words.
‘ when you had gone off on your own? i sure as hell did. didn’t need the school getting on me for seeing you and doing nothing about it. ’
‘ and what would the school possibly have done to stop you? they know they’re outmatched. ’
‘ maybe. but they have to have a failsafe somewhere. probably started working on it sometime after you defected. ’
and it wouldn’t surprise him if they’d started to do so long before that. he wouldn’t be surprised given his technique. it was terrifying in the early stages. now that he’d refined it, it was even more formidable. they fall into a brief silence before finally suguru shakes his head, turning to look at him with furrowed brows.
‘ i still don’t understand you. ’
‘ what do you mean? ’
his single hand raises, waving in the air a little as if trying to capture the words he needed to explain his thought. ‘ i don’t understand what possessed you to find me. let alone keep me alive. ’
his words burn satoru almost physically. the man flinches back a little, holding his cup tight before he sets it down, afraid he’ll squeeze it and cause it to shatter. ‘ you still don’t get it do you? ’ it’s said soft enough that he hopes the other doesn’t pick up on it. but alas, nothing usually goes that way when it comes to the two of them.
‘ if you feel the need to ask, i suppose not. ’
satoru looks over at him, eyes swimming with emotion that he’d hoped to never release in front of suguru. he would be content with taking it to the grave but what was he supposed to do? just saying they were friends could only get them so far. even the best of friends didn’t go so far as to trying to rehabilitate a mass murderer. swallowing, he turns to face away from him. the great satoru gojo afraid of his best friend rejecting him.
‘ i’m in love with you. ’
there’s a pause that extends for ages. long enough, in fact, satoru almost makes a joke about it and then makes an excuse about having to leave. but instead, suguru finally speaks.
‘ you’re…in love with me. ’ he almost does a double-take, face twisting into understanding. ‘ you’re in love with me ? ’
‘ of course i am. ’ said as if it wasn’t hard to understand. swallowing, he faces him to show that his face is fully of honesty, something unheard of when it came to satoru, often hiding behind masks instead of being up front. ‘ do you really think i’d go through all the trouble if i wasn’t? even best friends have breaking points, have falling outs. but you…it was always different. ’
it’s quiet again as he watches the other process what’s been said. and then it’s like everything finally clicks. ‘ i…feel the same. ’
the breath is pushed from satoru’s lungs. he doesn’t even have to say the words for him to know that he feels the same just from the look on his face. there’s a small crack in his features, smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
‘ good to know. or i’d look like a pretty big fool. ’
‘ you always look like a big fool. ’
it earns a laugh from both of them before things get quiet again. it was nice to hear him laugh, even if only briefly. with everything that had gone on, it was no surprise that the other hadn’t shown joy in a long time. but if he could be the source of it, even if only a small amount, satoru was happy with that. the silence drags for a bit before suguru gets close to him, his breath beating off satoru’s skin.
‘ i’m going to do something stupid. ’
there’s a moment, breath stuttering as he registers what’s about to happen. ‘ …go for it. ’
and then the distance is closed and their lips meet. finally , is all that satoru can think, hand moving up to rest at the back of his neck, fingers tangling in the hair gathered there. it lasts a few moments, nothing more than a brief liplock before they pull back, keeping close not wanting to truly be too far apart with everything now out in the open. it was better than satoru could have imagined, the real thing far exceeding the few daydreams he’d allowed himself when they were in school.
‘ …why did you never tell me? ’
the puffs of air exhaled with each word brush over satoru’s face, not that he minds. it puts him at peace to be so close to him again.
‘ i didn’t want to ruin things. i was content to have you in my life. it was enough for me. ’
‘ i don’t thinks could have been anymore ruined than when i left. ’
‘ no…but even if i’d told you then, you wouldn’t have stopped, wouldn’t have stayed. ’
even without the verbal confirmation, the look on suguru’s face tells him all that he needs to know. finally, their foreheads press together, satoru watching as the other’s eyes close at the contact.
‘ …i’m glad you finally said something. ’
his own eyes slip shut then, smile on his features.
‘ i am too. ’