Chapter Text
There he was, in the back of the near-empty bodega and ready to make a scene. Or at least make some damn money.
Well... technically, he's not making the money. He may or may not be stealing an ATM machine.
It's not my fault I look like this! A man has got to do what's he's got to do, that's what Jonathan kept telling himself while he was hyping himself up at the front of the bodega just 15 minutes before. He's never robbed before, at least before the incident.
You know, the one where everything on him got blown off, including his dick. And the way his skin felt against clothes, ugh! He couldn't even wear pants! Well not that he needed to wear pants anyways, being cockless and all. No one would know anyways, everyone thinks he's just wearing a costume! Saves him money on clothes at least, money that he so desperately needs.
Well at least he has some kind of disguise that sort of covers his holes.
Get your head out of the gutter, he means his interdimensional portal holes.
Even if his disguise is shitty; a crooked pair of sunglasses, a jacket, and a bucket hat; at least he's trying. Hopefully everyone in Brooklyn is too busy to notice him when he's trying to stay hidden.
FUCK!
Jonathan silently cursed himself out in his brain, Dammit you stupid brain, can you not overthink for once?!
Well, Jonathan, welcome to anxiety.
Overthinking doesn't always mean anxiety!!
Ah yes, you standing in the back of a store gathering courage to steal an ATM machine with weird holes and imagining everything that could go wrong isn't anxiety. You'd be sweating your ass off if you could!
Well too bad, I can't anymore!!
Well I'll tell you something you can do, look like a crazy person as you have a whole conversation IN YOUR HEAD!
Jonathan snapped himself out of it, standing blankly a few feet from the ATM machine. He took a deep breath, or at least he pretended he did. Ignorance is bliss, right? If he pretended he could breath then he'd could at least pretend to calm himself down when he overthinks.
God dammit Jonathan, you're overthinking again!!
Jonathan lightly smacked himself out of it and approached the ATM machine, ready to use his holes to his advantage (Seriously, it sounds so dirty when he refers to them as holes).
Why did I ever take this job?
You were practically drifting off to sleep waiting for something, anything, to happen!
You were guarding the bodega, at least, you like to refer to your cashier job as guarding to at least make it a little interesting.
Considering the fact that the owner just keeps a bat under the counter and encourages you to use it in case some robber comes in, you'd say you're at least guarding the store a little.
You had headphones in, zoning in and out as a few people went in and out the store. You scrolled through a few dating apps, still not finding anything. Jesus christ, was it really that hard for an ace person just to have a normal fucking relationship with some understanding and communication?!
Considering the fact that everyone you've met through this damn dating app doesn't seem to "understand" you when you say you're ace but sometimes partake in sex, you'd be lying if you said you weren't desperate for someone who'd understand.
Not that every single person on that app was a bad person or something, you just somehow attract every acephobic person you could.
You're zoning out, rethinking almost every life decision you've made up to this point and forward, you're pretty sure a guy comes in and asks where the ATM is. You don't even pay attention to what he looks like, not that it matters, you barely pay attention to people's looks anyways.
At least, you weren't paying attention, until you heard metal banging from the back of the store. You jumped when you first heard it, there wasn't anyone in the store except that one guy who asked you about the ATM.
At least, you think he's a guy by his voice, until you look at the back toward the sound and see something not human looking at all. Well, you're overexaggerating a small bit. He still was humanoid and looks like a person silhouette, even with his stretched arms and small feet.
Gosh, no wonder he flopped around like a fish out of water, his small feet are barely holding up his body!!
It honestly was kind of cute.
What? You're desperate, don't lie.
Plus, you're a massive indie horror game fan. He honestly looked like a clumsy and spotty version of a certain white and tall horror game character. But he doesn't look like he'd kill you, maybe trip into you and accidentally kill you cause he's so fucking tall, but then he'd apologize repetitively to your dead body as if you were alive.
Are you simply guessing all of this by his body movements and looks? Yep.
But you had a Ph.D in guessing personalities when people watching, so you're not doubting your abilities.
He looks strange as hell, but in a good way. You're a sucker for strange and love the unknown, so this guy is right up your alley. You noticed he had a large dot on his face, right where his nose, eyes, and mouth would be. It bounced around and emoted, just watching it made you want to chuckle.
The man had his arm somehow stuck in the machine, at an angle that'd be normally impossible. You grabbed your bat from below the counter, you at least wanted to look badass, but you knew damn well you weren't even gonna fake a swing. You could've just walked from behind the counter, but you wanted to add to your "cool" factor, so you hopped over it.
Just by looking at him, he looked cool as fuck, you wonder if you could sway him out of stealing and sway him toward friendship. Even if he stole from other places, you could at least ask for a portion of the money. What? A relationship wasn't the only thing you were desperate for.
Welcome to capitalism.
Could you have just called Spider-man to deal with this?
Yeah.
But weren't you also bored as hell and curious about this spotted man?
Yeah.
Decision done.
You walked down the aisle and toward the man and the ATM. Upon closer inspection, you see a dot, similar to the ones on the man's face and legs, in the middle of the ATM. He kept sticking his arm in, and you'd watch as it'd appear somewhere else from another dot that wasn't there before.
Last thing you wanted was for it to appear in front of you and hit you in the face. That was just another thing about him that just increased the urge to talk to him. You were practically jumping out of your skin, trying to hold your amazement and excitement.
You tapped your bat on the floor, about 6 feet away from the man, his back facing you.
"Hey man, what're you doing?"
You tried to sound friendly, and either you sounded like you were planning to hit him at that second, or he was so on edge that he could only swing his head around, tumbling to the floor and screaming in fear.
"OH GOD! PleAse don't hit me!"
His little voice cracks only increased his cuteness factor. You'd chuckle and maybe even kick your feet a bit if it weren't for the fact he thought you were about to beat the shit out of him. As he put his hands up in defense, practically stuck to the floor in fear and crawling slightly backward, you put your hands up in a non-accusatory way, dropping the bat from your hands.
"Oh shit! I didn't mean to scare you that badly! I- uh- wasn't going to hit you at all. I only brought the bat just in case."
That was a flat out lie, you only brought it to look badass.
The man fidgeted, still on edge, but tried to get up from his place on the ground. You walked over, holding your hand out.
He stared at your hand as if it were about to blow up. You chuckled, not able to keep your amusement in any longer.
"Come on, dude, I don't bite."
He slowly brought his hand up, still very reluctant as if your hand was going to bite him. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was moving in slow motion.
But, you're impatient as hell, so you grab his wrist and yank him up. He yelps as he's pulled to his feet, waving his arms around for balance like he's not used to his body. You can't help but chuckle a little more, amused by his movements.
Once he's up on his feet, he clears his throat.
You're not sure how he does, considering he doesn't have a mouth, but you decide to try not to stick on the thought.
The two of you stare at each other in silence, but it's a different silence for each of you.
For you, it's a comfortable silence as you assume the man is finding his words and excuse for why he was stealing, even though you already knew it was money related.
For Jonathan, he felt like he was about to explode. His heartbeat, which he wasn't sure if he had or not, was racing, and if he could sweat then he'd be covered in layers of it. He wanted to find words, but all he could think about was what could happen, most involving you wacking him with a bat. He fidgeted, nervous couldn't begin to describe what he was feeling.
You were impatient, so you started speaking.
"So, you good?"
The man flinched a bit. Almost like your words were a gun that could shoot at any moment.
"Uh- Yeah. I'm doing... alrighty."
He held his hands up in a thumbs up motion, and you couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
"Are you sure? You seem pretty on edge."
The man shifts his weight, sighing as if he was holding back speaking before. He must not be very good at lying, or keeping secrets.
"Of course I'm on edge! I've been trying to steal that ATM machine since 9 AM and it took me 3 hours just to get inside of this building! And my stupid holes keep messing up so I can't even grab the money properly! And honestly when I saw the bat I thought you were going to smack me with it... so I got scared. I assumed you knew I was stealing since you got the bat, unless you didn't and I just screwed this all up more."
Your eyes widened a bit at the sudden explanation and rambling, but you shrugged it off and smiled.
"I knew you were stealing, but honestly I don't care about the fact that you were stealing, more of the fact that you're stealing from here. Plus you don't seem too much of a threat, otherwise I would've just called help."
His shoulders slumped a bit, almost disappointed that he wasn't intimidating.
"Damn, I thought I looked pretty awful, I thought it'd add to my intimidation factor."
Your eyebrows rose. You were fine with stealing, but you were not fine with people putting themselves down. You crossed your arms.
"Now, you are not awful looking. Personally, I think you look pretty fucking cool. And I didn't even know your dots did anything, so that just adds to your coolness factor. Plus, the way you move doesn't scream intimidating. It looks like you switched bodies with someone and don't know how to work it."
You chuckled, keeping your tone lighthearted.
He seemed a little softer, less on edge, but seemed to tighten up when you said 'dots'. He put his finger tips together, speaking like you had just said the most inaccurate fact known to man.
"Well, actually, I call them holes."
You nodded your head slowly, not convinced.
"That sounds like you could say 'That's what she said' after each sentence you say."
He scoffed, to think a few minutes ago he was a nervous wreck and clumsy, now more of a smartass with an ego. You still thought he was amusing.
"Oh wow, what are you, in middle school? What would be a better name, since you seem so much smarter than me with names?"
You laughed, loving his sarcasm.
"I don't know, I'd call them spots? Honestly, anything but holes."
He crossed his arms too, matching you.
"Well good job, you just magically guessed my name."
"Spots?"
He rolled his eyes, which he didn't have eyes so it was more of a head roll as if he was doing an exaggerated eye roll.
"No, it's The Spot."
"So, it's Spot?"
"No. The Spot."
"'The' sounds weird when I just wanna say your name."
"Well it's my villain name, not yours."
"Well, Spot, shouldn't you call your 'holes' spots since it'll fit the spot theme better?"
"Theme?! I don't care about a theme! I'm a villain, I shouldn't care about that."
"I'm still gonna call them spots."
"Don't you dare."
"What do your spots do?"
"I'm not answering your question until you refer to them as they are."
"I am not referring to them as holes."
"They're my holes not yours."
"That's what-"
"Do not finish that sentence."
You smirked.
"That's what she said."
He groaned, bringing a hand to his face as if he were pinching the bridge of his nose. It seemed it was a force of habit, since he quickly remembered his spot face and brought his hand back down.
"You're so annoying."
By the way he said it, you knew he wasn't being serious.
"I strive to be."
"You must be fun at your middle school parties."
You laughed.
"Jokes on you, I don't go to parties."
"So you admit you're in middle school?"
"No!"
"You never denied it. It'd really explain your maturity."
"I am so mature."
"If lying makes you feel better."
"You're such an asshole."
"And you're annoying."
"Can't even think of a new insult."
"I'm not insulting you, I'm just stating facts, middle schooler."
"I graduated college 4 years ago."
"Wow, so you're a super senior but for middle school."
"What are you, a grandpa?"
He gasped dramatically.
"I am not a grandpa!"
"It seems I've just hit the senior citizen's nerve."
"I'm in my early thirties!"
"Still older than me, old man."
"Are you kidding me right now?"
"Would you like me to call you The senior citizen?"
"I'm going to kick your ass."
"Good luck, I got a bat."
"And I have holes."
"That you can't control."
"You don't know that."
"You would've stolen that ATM easily if you could control them."
"Maybe I was trying to trick you by pretending to be awful at stealing the ATM machine."
"It's just ATM."
"What?"
"The M stands for machine. You're saying machine twice."
"You know what I mean."
"Maybe I don't."
"Maybe you need to go back to middle school."
"Maybe you need to learn how to use Google, grandpa, so you can learn what the M in ATM stands for."
The two of you stand in silence for a moment, then burst out laughing.
Jonathan forgot what it felt like to hold an average conversation with someone without them screaming and running away.
And you forgot how nice it was to talk to someone in general, especially someone who could match your energy.
You wheezed, clutching your stomach from laughing so hard.
"God, this is the most fun I've had talking to someone."
He softened, almost surprised you liked talking to him.
"Talking to me is... fun?"
You stood up straight, smiling like crazy.
"Of course you're fun! I don't think I've met anyone who can match my sarcastic energy like you can."
His spot dilated.
"Thanks. Same goes for you too. I don't think I've been able to hold a normal conversation, let alone this fun of one, since I got turned into this."
Your head tilted softly, Jonathan's heart skipped a beat as your eyes widened softly in curiosity.
"Well we can always talk more over lunch."
Jonathan looked over at a nearby clock hanging at the wall, it was already almost 12 pm, he had completely lost track of time. He even got completely sidetracked from why he even came here in the first place.
He thought for a moment. He could technically eat, but he barely tastes it and he definitely doesn't need the food anymore.
Fuck it. First nice conversation with a nice person and you're just going to ditch them? For once make a good decision.
"Lunch sounds great."
You smiled.
"Awesome. My name is y/n by the way."
He echoed your name, which made your heart strings tug a bit. You really liked when people said your preferred name, and the name rolled off his tongue so well. Well, you're not sure what it rolls off of since he doesn't have a tongue.
You snapped yourself out of it, trying to stay calm and collected and not go batshit crazy for this mysterious guy you just met.
He shifted on his small feet again.
"So, where do you want to go?"
"I don't care, I'm indecisive."
"And I can't eat, so I shouldn't choose."
"I can't choose, choose for me."
"Are you seriously sure you're not in middle school?"
You softly punched his shoulder.
"Shut up, old man. Let's go take a walk and find somewhere, it'd be good for your senior knees."
"God you're so annoying."
"You love it though."
All he could do was chuckle, not wanting to agree or disagree, as he could feel his heart strings tug a bit.