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“Hitoka-chan?” Hitoka sees her, out of the corner of her eye and, oh; Hitoka, ever reminded of her muse’s never ending beauty. Shimizu is the prettiest girl Hitoka has ever known. Shimizu is the one who taught her so many things. Shimizu is the one who always helps with her homework. Shimizu is the one who always asks if she’s ok. Her light, her idol, her muse, Hitoka’s thoughts are plagued with Shimizu, Shimizu, Shimizu , and oh my goodness what am I thinking, now is definitely not the time-
“Y-yes?” Oh dear-
"Could you stay behind after cleanup? I have something to ask you."
Time freezes - Hitoka can feel her clammy palms and cannot even bring herself to look up at her. She was paralyzed by the waves of her own thoughts crashing down on her. The small blonde girl can feel every beat of her heart pound on like a marching band. The rational part of her brain knows that Shimizu is always blunt. The majority, irrational part of her brain is exploding into bits and pieces. It takes Hitoka everything in her not to let go of the net she carefully rolled up just moments before and scream. What does she want from me? Did I do something wrong? Is my hair ok? Oh, how did it come to this ?
Hitoka knew exactly how it came to this.
It came to this during her first year, approximately 3 weeks and 4 days after school had started (not that she was hyper aware of the date, or anything similar). Thursday morning, just after second block, was when Hitoka laid her eyes upon Shimizu for the first time. She drifted through the halls like a phantom, yet every head in the vicinity turned to bask in the glory of her silent siren song. Hitoka was one of those people. She was caught in Shimizu’s wave, and she didn’t know if she would be able to fight the current. (She couldn’t help but wish to see Shimizu again).
With Hitoka’s cursed luck, she should have known what would happen next.
Shimizu stopped right in front of Hitoka and held up a piece of paper in her face, yet Hitoka couldn’t understand a word of what she said. The poor blonde girl was drowning in the sound of her heart, every beat filling her lungs and roaring in her ears.
Apparently, the two were in agreement and Shimizu was shaking Hitoka’s hand up and down. Hitoka thought, “Why would a goddess want anything to do with a lowly peasant like me?”
Of course, by her luck the volleyball club needed a new manager after the third-years would retire. And by her luck the only first-year not in a club yet was her ( oh maybe she should have joined photography) . And by her luck, that the one person she had become infatuated with in a school of hundreds just so happened to be the one person that she would be stuck with for the rest of the year. How…fortunate.
Before Hitoka knew it, she was trapped in the snares of Shimizu’s overwhelming beauty, infatuated with someone who would never love her back.
But she hoped, oh she hoped - daydreaming in the middle of class, wondering about how a beauty mark could make someone look so angelic. Her soft hair and gorgeous eyes made Hitoka dizzy. And when she spoke, Hitoka felt like she was melting. She was going to do something, anything , to try and tell Shimizu…
What was Hitoka thinking? There was no way that Shimizu liked girls. Even if she did , was no way that Shimizu would be willing to date her! Hitoka was just a tiny little freshman who had way too much anxiety for her own good.
“...Hitoka-chan?” Shimizu looks at her strangely, “are you alright?”
“Okay! Uhh, I mean, yes!!” She quickly nods and goes back to rolling up the net. Oh god, I hope that my cheeks and ears aren’t as chile red as they feel . Shimizu smiles softly at the freshman and quickly turns away to help pick up the balls that were scattered about.
Hitoka feels like screaming.
There it is again, the endless booming of her heart. It pounds in her ears and she just wants it to stop.
The blonde has absolutely no clue what Shimizu wants from her. And the thought of having to talk to her, one on one, makes waves roar through Hitoka’s stomach. I’m going to be sick, she grimaces. she for sure feels like it.
But the only thing that Hitoka can do right now is let Hinata help her put away that stupid net that keeps slipping out of her clammy hands.
Soon enough, the club members start piling out of the gym. One by one they leave, until it’s just Hitoka left standing awkwardly and Shimizu putting away the mops. Shimizu. The person that Hitoka had the hugest, most ridiculous crush on. That person also happens to want Hitoka (???) to talk to her (!!!).
Why why why why? Hitoka can’t stop the words from running laps in her head. She’s never wanted to talk to me one on one before…so what does she want now?
Shimizu walks out from the closet, smiling slightly at Hitoka and oh that makes her feel giddy .
“I’ll be locking up the gym right now. Do you want me to walk you home? We can talk along the way.”
Hitoka can only nod shakily as her upperclassman closes the lights and lets the huge metal doors fall behind her. Shimizu-san’s even prettier in the moonlight, her stupid brain thinks. Now was not the time.
The sound of crickets chirping and the soft pat-pat of their footsteps dance through Hitokas ears as the two walk in the plush grass. The blonde gazes up at the comforting shine of the moon; its soft yellow glow illuminating everything in its wake. Her shoulders fall down and she feels the breeze flow through the locks of her hair. The night air was good for her. The walk was good for her. Just being outside was so good for her.
Thankfully, nothing the two had talked about earlier pops into her mind. The gooey night air had Hitoka’s brain on autopilot and she almost relaxed into it. That is, until Shimizu turns to her for the first time since the managers had left the gym.
“You’re wondering why I’ve asked to talk with you.”
With those few words, Hitoka’s heart decides it’s a good idea to start its taiko again and she can feel the chill of sweat against her brow. Every single beat radiates through her chest and rattles her ribcage. She just said a few words… Hitoka tries to think but at that point all rational thoughts are thrown out in the hurricane of anxiety and flusteredness.
She can’t do anything but wait for Shimizu to continue.
“Well, I thought as the only girls in the club we could spend some time together. Just the two of us. I know a really good coffee shop that sells the best chocolate sweets”
No.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no absolutely not.
This was not happening.
What was happening?
“Hitoka?” Shimizu turns to her, finally getting a glimpse of her underclassman’s face.
The two of them? Alone?? Together?! The thought is simply too much to bear for Hitoka as her face turns red and splotchy. She feels as if her head would explode, steam seeping out of her ear canals.
“Did I say something wrong? It is alright if you do not wish too.” Shimizu looks increasingly worried at her silent response.
Wait did she just ask me out? Hitoka screams in her head. Even if it was platonic…
“Yes of course!” Wait..
“No! You didn’t say anything wrong uhh…um, I would love to go out with you!” No Hitoka! “I MEAN!-”
Shimizu stops in front of Hitoka, putting her hands into the younger’s palms.
“Thank you.” Shimizu smiles her slight smile and Hitoka knows that right now she is going to spontaneously combust and die.
“It’s nothing! I mean, its not nothing! I would, uh, lo- I mean love to spend time with you!” Hitoka jumps and look away from upperclassman’s prying eyes. Said upperclassman closes those eyes and lets out a laugh that can only be described as perfect. Shimizu lets go of her hands only to intertwine her fingers with Hitoka’s just moments later.
It’s just the two of them walking in the sweet summer night.
The walk home was filled with their honeyed chatter, and the tips of Hitoka’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Never before had anyone seen her for more than just an extra in a play. But Shimizu was different. Hitoka knew it from the beginning, and she couldn’t have been more right. That girl was an angel.
It was a bit tragic. Hitoka knew that the object of her affection would never see her as anything more than a lowerclassman, at most a good friend.
But it was alright. Even if Hitoka wouldn’t get the happily ever after that she dreamed of, she still got a good ending. She will treasure the time she could spend with Shimizu.
But it was alright. Hitoka didn’t have to worry anymore. She didn’t have to feel that constant anxiety living at the back of her throat. She didn’t have to hide away anymore. She could just be her, and that would be enough.
And for once, she didn’t mind the constant pounding in her chest.