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Nancy was dreaming again. Dreams of Barb, of him, of all the people she loved. Of death.
They had never stopped, the nightmares, not since Barb’s death and everything that had come after.
Surely, they had become less over the years, had faded along with the memories she had tried so hard to keep. The sound of her voice, the sweet scent of her hair, the memories from the girlhood that had been ripped from her too soon: vanishing more and more with each passing day.
Sometimes Nancy had wished they would stay if it meant keeping the pieces left of her best friend. On other days she wanted to forget them entirely; to be free from the sleepless nights.
Now, after what happened with Vecna, they returned. She found herself waking up sweat soaked and screaming, the vivid images of her dead body still on her mind.
She hadn’t known what had been done to Barb until then. Nancy had known of the horrors from the upside down, but seeing her best friend's body at the bottom of the pool, where it had been ever since the monster had taken her, had been something entirely different from all of her nightmares.
She had wanted to take her with her that day. Part of her wanted that still: To throw herself into the shallow end of Steve’s pool and dive into the void until she’d find her. Until she could take her back, away from that place where she would lay for all eternity if no one brought her home.
She knew she couldn’t bring the lovely, strawberry blonde her back. Nancy knew that she would have to grow up while Barbara Holland would always remain the girl she was when she died.
But maybe, just maybe, Nancy Wheeler could bring a part of her home and allow her to finally rest.
Add so, just like that, she was dreaming again. She was standing by the end of the pool that particular night. She felt his presence behind her and yet she still jumped when his voice echoed all around her.
He was calling her, telling her to finally give in. In front of her, the water of the pool was splashing over its edge and soaked through her shoes.
“You couldn’t save her” his heavy hand rested upon her shoulder. Nancy refused to look at the flesh, where human hands had been once.
“And you know” his breath, suddenly warm against the back of her neck “You won’t be able to save them all either”
She bit her lip, frozen and unable to move in fear of what would happen if she did.
“I know you, Nancy Wheeler”
He was close. So, so close. And Nancy couldn’t run, her body would no longer listen to her command. Her body was under another’s control, just like Max’s had been before. There was no one there to stop it when he lifted her off of the ground or when she felt her body bending and twisting unnaturally.
Nancy wanted to scream but no sound passed her lips when she tried. Only a choked, desperate sound in a voice that wasn’t her own.
When she turned her head, she caught a glimpse of the scene in the reflection of a window in Steve’s house.
Her contorted limbs weren’t what shocked her most about what she was seeing, although it did send a wave of nausea over her.
It wasn’t this terrifying monster beneath her either.
What really shocked her to her core, were the eyes that were staring back at her from the reflecting surface because they weren’t her own. They were Robin’s.
They were Robin’s and they were dying.
“You won’t be able to protect her” his voice was ringing in her ears like alarms, even after she sat up in bed, panting and shaking.
“You will fail her, just like you have failed everyone else around you”
Nancy didn’t know when she had begun crying, but by the time she had calmed down her rapid breathing, thick tears were falling from her eyes and soaking the blanket she was covered in.
She got up, quietly, and left her room. She didn’t want to be surrounded by the memories within. She walked down the hallway past Mike’s, Holly’s and her parents’ bedrooms, all the way down into the living room.
She knew she could just call Jonathan if she wanted to. He had said, after their breakup, that he would still be there for her if she needed him and that he would be in Hawkins for a while. But she didn’t want to.
She hadn’t wanted to the past nights this had happened either, which had been why she called Robin for the first time all these weeks ago.
Nancy had not expected for her to pick up, much less for Robin to ride her bike all the way to the Wheeler’s house in the middle of the night.
But the girl had made it seem like it was nothing at all. Each time she got there, she just shrugged. There wasn’t anything else that had to be done, she would tell Nancy.
And even if there was, Robin had added, because she would always find something to add that would lead up to her falling back into her rambling habit. And even if there was, it could hardly be as important as this.
That was how they had come up with this unspoken routine of Nancy calling Robin in the middle of the night. Of Robin picking up each and every time, whether it was still dark outside or the sun was rising already. Of her making her way through town, until she would knock against Nancy’s window.
No matter what, somehow they always ended up laying in Nancy’s bed together, talking until she would fall asleep eventually. Never had Robin ever gone to sleep without her sleeping first, ever since she had told her that she was afraid that the dreams would come if no one would watch over her.
She felt as if Robin kept the nightmares away, as if she kept everything bad away really, though she couldn’t place it.
So, just like each night, Nancy made her way through the dark living room until she reached the telephone.
She dialed Robin’s number quickly. She would know it blind by now, without any source of light at all.
Nancy waited exactly 2 rings before someone at the other end of the line picked up.
“Nance?” Robin's sweet, familiar voice rasped.
It felt as though the mere sound of her voice was enough for Nancy to get entirely lost in it. She felt warmth all over and her cheeks heated as she attempted to oppress the smile that flashes across her face. She failed miserably.
“Nancy?” the girl at the other end of the line repeated, sounding slightly concerned.
“Yeah,” Nancy whispered. “Yeah, I’m here.I’m here, sorry”
Robin chuckled and Nancy could make out a rustling background noise.
“Same as always?” she finally asked.
Nancy looked down at her feet in thought. She did feel bad for Robin and for her inability to fall asleep without the other girl.
But before she could protest or do anything really, Robin spoke up already.
“I’ll be there in like- 10 minutes? Does that sound alright?”
“That’s-” she paused. “It sounds more than alright Robin. You know it does”
Another pause.
“Hmh” Robin finally hummed in response and she could practically see the smile on the other girl’s lips “I know Nancy. I’ll be there alright? Leave your window open for me, yeah? I mean- if it’s too cold outside you obviously don’t have to, I was just thinking you could so that when I get there I don’t-”
“Robin” Nancy interrupted softly “I will”
“Okay” she sounded a bit breathless, but maybe that was just Nancy mind playing tricks on her. Tricks, which the brunette could not quite wrap her head around.
Why did she feel hopeful about Robin’s nervousness around her? Why did the thought of all the things she did for Nancy make her all giddy?
Nancy hated uncertainty. But Robin Buckley was someone she simply could not figure out. Or she didn’t want to figure it out, too scared of the outcome if she ever did.
She shook her head and mumbled somewhat of a goodbye into the speaker before hanging up and tiptoeing back into her room where she waited.
She did open the window, regardless of the cold that crept into the room.
Nancy’s skin was still hot, from both the nightmare and Robin’s voice, so she gladly welcomed the soft, albeit cold breeze.
Robin never kept her waiting any longer than she’d said she would, so it didn’t straddle her when the faint knock on the window echoed through the quiet room.
Nancy was sitting on her bed with a book she wasn’t reading on her lap and immediately got up to help Robin over the window sill.
Once, Robin had stumbled over said windowsill, she hadn’t hurt herself -Nancy had made sure of that- but she did wake up Miss Wheeler who had come rushing down the hallway to check up on her daughter.
In their rush, Nancy had hid Robin beneath her own blanket and she had laid flat and still as a stone, with a hand over her mouth to cover up the laughter while Nancy explained that she must’ve sleepwalked.
Ever since she always helped her with the climb inside and supported her as much as possible while she swung both of her legs through the window and landed on the wooden floor with a soft ‘thud’.
They stood chest to chest for a moment, with Robin smiling down at her, looking like she was expecting her to say something.
And then Robin broke into a smile is, yet again, so utterly and unapologetically Robin that it charmed Nancy effortlessly.
“So?” she said and shook off her black denim jacket, covered in patches. She collects them, she told Nancy one of these nights. Gets a new one wherever she goes and picks out a nice place for it.
Nancy would’ve loved to know more about them then, and she did still when Robin dropped it over her chair and sat down on the bed.
The mattress bounces slightly under her weight and her short bob moves along, strands of hair falling over her eyes.
“So” Nancy repeated and shifted back and forth slightly.
Robin patted the empty spot on the bed, Nancy’s bed, and Nancy sat down next to her.
Without knowing why or how she got the courage to do so, she placed her head on Robin’s shoulder. She noticed, then, how Robin is the perfect height for that, for her to comfortably place her head on her shoulder without having to change her own position.
She noticed, only very briefly and without giving it any further consideration, how Robin is perfect in a lot of ways too.
Robin leaned back against her, just a little, but enough for Nancy to feel it.
“Do you…” she hesitated. “Want to talk about it?”
Nancy looked up at her from where she has laid her head only to find Robin watching her already.
Quickly, she turned her gaze away.
“I saw him again” she mumbled finally, trying to get the words out before the vivid memories can replay in her mind. “I always see him, Robin”
Robin hummed in acknowledgment but gestured for her to continue.
“I just don’t understand I mean-” she shook her head, an attempt to shake off the tears too. Nancy didn’t want to be weak, not at all but especially not around Robin.
“Everyone else has died. Everyone but me and now I keep seeing him. What if-”
She glared up at her. “He left some sort of mark on me? What if he lives Robin? What if he lives through me?”
She laid an arm around Nancy’s shoulder and she cut herself off.
“I see him too” she admitted quietly. When Nancy looked up again, Robin was glaring down at the floor. She moved slowly, scared to disrupt whatever it was that they were sharing.
“I mean, not as often as you do” She gave her a quick glance and tight-lipped smile. “But I didn’t see what you saw either so- My point is that just because you’re seeing him in your dreams doesn’t mean he’s still out there”
She nodded, not because she wanted Robin to think that what she was saying gave her comfort like she had done it with others before, but because she believed her.
“You shot him, remember?” she squeezed Nancy’s shoulder. “And you looked pretty badass doing so”
She couldn’t help herself but chuckle. It was so easy with Robin.
“And you set him on fire” Nancy added. “That was pretty ‘badass’ too”
She chuckled, her shoulder bumping against Nancy’s as they rose and fell with the sweet noise of her laughter.
And, oh, how Nancy wanted that to last. How she loved to know that she alone was capable of giving Robin bits back of what the girl had been doing for her for all these months.
“That wouldn’t have been necessary though, I think. I think you would’ve been able to kill him all by yourself”
Nancy smiled and covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned quietly.
“You’re tired hm?”
She closed her mouth again and, even though she wished to stay up all night with Robin by her side, nodded.
“It’s late” She nodded and, with no warning, held onto Nancy’s shoulder while pulling them both down onto their backs.
Nancy yelped quietly when her back met the mattress and she felt Robin’s arm around her still.
“Hey!” she protested in laughter and wiggled her way out of Robin’s hold to get comfortable in the bed they would share for the night.
They no longer fought over which side they took, nor did they fumble for the blanket awkwardly. Robin didn’t mention the nightlight that Nancy kept on at all times, knowing she had always been scared of total darkness.
Nancy knew Robin preferred the left over the right side and Robin was aware that Nancy had extremely cold hands at all times and insisted that she got the larger part of the blanket.
A comfortable silence fell upon them while each tried to get into a comfortable sleeping position.
Nancy laid with her back turned to Robin, listening to the sound of her breathing.
She wondered if Robin had ever felt this strange pull that she felt when the girl was near.
Nancy knew the feeling, somehow. It was similar to what she had once felt for Jonathan and Steve before that. Just that it had made sense back then.
It did not, however, make sense for her to feel this was around Robin. Her closest friend these days, her biggest source of comfort and, most importantly, a girl.
Her feelings for Steve and Jonathan had been obvious and unmistakable for anything other than romantic. The touch of their palms had been rough, always seeming to want something from her.
Meanwhile, Robin was delicate, her skin soft where the boys had never been.
Robin seemed to finally give, rather than take things from her.
And yet it didn’t make sense.
She moved on the mattress uncomfortably before finally tossing herself around to face Robin.
It didn’t surprise her to find her light eyes already watching her, awaiting her almost.
They laid close, but Nancy didn’t bother to change that.
“Hi” Robin breathed.
“Hi”
“Are you okay?” her voice was quiet, a shy whisper.
“Yeah I-” she pulled up the blanket a little. If she focused hard enough, she could feel Robin’s hot breath on her skin.
Nancy inhaled deeply. “He showed me Barb’s body. When he was…in my head. I saw her”
Shock flashed across Robin’s features, but she wired patiently for Nancy to finish.
“I couldn’t save her and-” her voice broke but she went on. “What if I can’t keep the others safe? I mean- What do I do if he takes you too?”
Her face softened. “Nance I-”
“I should’ve saved Barb. She could have saved her, Robin. I could’ve saved them all”
“It’s not your fault Nancy” she spoke with a sudden urgency “It never was”
“But-”
“No” Robin cut her off softly. “I won’t let you live with this kind of guilt Nancy. He’s a monster and you were just a child”
Nancy looked away, somewhere where Robin wouldn’t be able to see the tears falling.
But she did and she wiped them away with her fingertips gently.
“She was just a child too” she mumbled, so quietly she wished Robin hadn’t heard.
Of course, she did, just like she always seemed to notice everything, even when Nancy hadn’t spoken at all.
Instead of arguing, she just wrapped her arms around Nancy and held her.
Steve and Jonathan, she found herself thinking, would’ve argued.
Robin, however, nothing like the boys she had loved before, simply held her in her arms while Nancy wept.
She didn’t speak, not until Nancy would ask her to, she was just there for her and somehow that was so much more than enough.
Finally, she did ask Robin to speak, because she needed to hear something that would fill the silence on her mind which would only bring back the memories of Barb.
Barb, with the kindest soul Nancy had ever known.
Barb, whose voice she could no longer remember.
Barb, who had been there for her at all times, but when she needed Nancy the most, Nancy had let her down.
Barb…
“Have you ever felt like you don’t belong at all?” Robin’s voice interrupted her train of thought.
She wasn’t looking down at her when Nancy turned her head up slightly surprised.
“Not anywhere, I mean? Not in Hawkins or…or anywhere else in this world?”
“Robin…?”
The taller girl sighed before she raised her voice again.
“Do you remember what I told you about Steve? How we’re…platonic with a capital P and all that?”
Nancy smiled through the tears that were slowly drying, replaced by curiosity about what Robin was saying.
“Of course, I do. Why? Isn’t that true?”
Robin scoffed. “Trust me, it is! I don’t like Steve, not like that. I never have. I mean, uh, he did like me. For some time at least”
She shook her head quickly.
“But that’s not my point. He was on Russian drugs when he admitted that. And I was too, by the way, because otherwise I would’ve never-” she sighed.
“Look, I think Steve is a great guy okay? He’s funny and kind and even though he is the biggest dingus sometimes, he’s still my best friend but…”
“But…?” Nancy didn’t mean to push her but Robin’s vague words were not helping her to finally understand.
“I don’t like Steve because- I simply can’t like him. I mean, that sounds stupid, forget that. What I meant to say is; I don’t like Steve because he’s- he’s a boy. And I just- I just don’t like boys Nancy” she blurted out, stumbling over her own words.
And it made sense, somehow. To Nancy, at least.
She had spent hours, trying to decode her feelings for Robin. She was a journalist, whose job was to research and figure things out. And yet she had never been able to understand this, the simplest of all things.
Nancy had been so quick to decide that Robin and Steve must’ve had something going on. And she had felt jealous, which was so unlike herself.
Only now did she understand that this jealousy wasn’t because of Robin. It had been because of Steve instead.
Only now did she understand why her heart started beating so much faster whenever Robin was near and why she had felt the urge to take her hand all these months ago.
Why she wanted Robin close, instead of Jonathan.
Robin’s voice, fast and nearly desperate, snapped her back to reality.
“And I totally understand if that makes you uncomfortable I mean-” she scooted back a significant amount of inches. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I don’t want you to hate me, Nance, but I want you to know because I don’t want you to think that I want Steve. I don’t want Steve”
She cut herself off when she noticed Nancy watching her. Her gaze softened.
“I don’t want Steve” Robin repeated quietly, almost absentmindedly while glaring back at Nancy.
“I know”
“And I don’t want you to be uncomfortable either. Around me. I-”
“Robin” Nancy smiles. “I’m not”
“Okay. Good.”
“Good” she nodded. “Good”
It all seemed to fall into place for Nancy then. Robin didn’t want Steve, that much she understood. And she knew she didn’t want Steve either. Nor did she want Jonathan,
She had wanted Robin, all this time and without ever knowing why.
But it was always Robin.
So when Robin looked at her, fearful to be met with rejection and hatred this world has shown her, Nancy reached out and put her palm to her cheek.
She could see the way confusion flashed over her face, how a hundred different questions must’ve gone through her mind.
“Nance…?”
Nancy didn’t miss the way her gaze went down to her lips. Just for a moment, but confirmation enough and giving her the courage to remain this close without pulling away.
“Robin” she breathed.
They were close enough to share a breath, close enough for her to see the thin layer of freckles over the bridge of Robin’s nose.
Close enough to forget about the world around them too, to forget that they were just two girls in Hawkins, Indiana, clinging to each other for comfort from all the terrors they had seen.
And still, they moved closer, inch by inch, until there wasn’t any distance left.
Robin’s lips nearly brushed past her own, barely enough space to allow Nany to whisper:
“Kiss me”.
And so she did.
Just shy of a kiss placed on Nancy’s lips before leaning back quickly. But to her, it was everything. All unanswered questions that had remained vanished with the sensation of feeling Robin’s lips on her own.
“Nancy I- I’m so sorry I shouldn’t-” Robin began, but Nancy didn’t give her the chance.
She put her hands to her face and pulled her back in, determined this time.
Robin’s fingers ran through Nancy’s soft curls while the other girl wrapped her arms around her to pull her even closer.
Her palms pressed against her shoulder blades while Robin’s hands found their way around the back of her neck.
The touch sent shivers down Nancy’s spine and heat blossomed in her chest and rose through her entire body until she felt it everywhere.
Robin was in each nerve, practically took over her entire being and for the first time in her life Nancy didn’t fight it.
Nancy didn’t want to run from it, like she always ran from everything else, because she wasn’t scared.
She was home.