Chapter Text
Okay, so maybe breaking into a Hero’s top-secret base on a whim wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had–but I didn’t think I’d get caught! Usually I’m really good at sneaking around places without a trace, but they must have had some sort of alarm system on the floor–probably some sort of weight tracker–in order for me to get caught! (No, I was not having a bad day, I never have “bad days”.)
“Get back here, asshole!” someone–probably Fire-settler–called. I was so lucky that a power nullifier was turned on once they found out I was in here.
Oh, and I also may have stolen something while running. That something may have been one of their computers, specifically 404’s.
“I swear to Prime–Revire fucking turn off the nullifiers!” Fire-settler screamed, his hair repeatedly turning orange only to go out in a puff of smoke.
“Okay, okay, don’t kill it.” I scoffed at the blatant dehumanisation. Seriously, could you be any more anti-hybrid? Like, fuck off, dude.
“That’s… Weird,” 404 muttered into the comm. Now, listen, if I had a moment to stand still and focus , I would turn off my comm because I did not come here to get insulted. “It’s not as fast as a fox hybrid should be. Stunted growth, maybe?”
“Maybe, but I doubt it. It could be faking it, or saving up energy. Doesn’t look like it’s even remotely tired,” Reverie, the fucking asshole he is, continued, “It’s tail is all bunched up, though. And the ears are flat. Must be terrified.”
I was, in fact, not terrified.
“Prick!” I yelled at Fire-Settler when I saw fire shoot up in front of me. The walls were pure steel, no hand or footholds in sight.
“Finally,” 404 sighed, and I felt a flash of anger on Fire-settler’s behalf. 404 was probably in Reverie’s office or something, safe and sound, while Fire-settler was out here chasing me for his computer.
Fire-settler tapped his comm twice, “Listen, Fox, I don’t wanna do this any more than you do. Just hand over the computer and we’ll both be on our way, ‘kay?” His tone was incredibly condescending and the anger I felt for him died, just like his bio parents.
“Fuck off,” I growled, “You and your stupid little boyfriends can fuck off, too.” He might have thought I was talking about his partners in crime, but no. Knowledge is a curse sometimes, but I may as well make the most of it. “And I might just tell 404 and Reverie about them if they keep bothering me for no reason.”
I tried my best to contain the glee I felt when I saw him tense and pull back.
He double tapped his comm again, “I need you two here, right now.” It was obviously not meant for me to hear, but I’d connected my comm to his, so whatever he could hear, I could, too.
“Be right there,” 404 responded.
“Good.” Fire-settler double tapped his comm again, and we stood in a tense silence. Honestly, it was super awkward and if I didn’t regret coming here before, then I sure as Nether regretted it now.
And finally , after what felt like days, 404 and Reverie turned the corner.
Reverie took the lead, like the prick he is, and started talking, “Hand over the computer.”
“Okay,” I said as I dropped the computer onto the floor and kicked it over to them. I was tired of this, honestly. It was getting a bit boring, and going to jail was not on my bucket list (at least not right now… ).
The Dream Team™ just looked at me in shock, clearly baffled as to why the fuck I would just hand over the computer I’d stolen. They still stood very guarded, because I had to have some other objective, right? I just had to have a metaphorical card hidden up my metaphorical sleeve.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way now.” I grinned and waited for Fire-settler to get rid of the annoyingly bright wall of fire blocking the exit.
“What? The Fuck?” 404 muttered through his bafflement.
“I said: If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way now,” I repeated obnoxiously loudly, still with that shit-eating grin on my face.
Reverie finally recovered and picked up the computer still on the floor. He seemed to be considering something, before telling Fire-settler to stand down.
“Excuse me?” Fire-settler exclaimed, “What the fuck? Shouldn’t we arrest him? He broke in and stole Geo–” he coughed “–404’s computer!”
“And it gave it back,” Reverie deadpanned, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“I–” Fire-settler groaned in frustration, “fine!” and the wall fell.
“Thank you very much, good sirs.” I smiled, pulling a top hat out of my bag for the sole purpose to tip it in their direction before putting it back into my–rather small, actually–bag.
Ah yes, yet another day a free man. I thought as I stepped through the iron doors into the forest only a few kilometres from the nearest neighbourhood. Really, these people are way too confident.
As I walked through the neighbourhood, I recounted the conversation with Fire-settler.
“and I might just tell 404 and Reverie about them if they keep bothering me for no reason.”
Shit .
There is no fucking way I just did that.
Okay. Okay, this is fine. This is COMPLETELY FUCKING FINE . I told myself as I panicked. Quackity and Karl are my landlords, sure, but he couldn’t have fingered that out with just one sentence , right? Plus, I still had my hat and bandana-mask on– there’s no way he knows who I am!
…right?
What am I thinking, of course he doesn’t know who I am! I’m too smart for that, just one slip-up can’t possibly get me caught. Besides, I don’t do anything too bad, I just watch people and mildly inconvenience the Heroes and Villains! Nothing noteworthy.
Walking home wasn’t as quick as I’d like it to be, but then again I’d brought this upon myself, so I couldn’t quite complain. I lived in the lower-middle-class section of the country, affectionately named “Logstedshire” by pretty much everyone, even though it wasn’t in any official documents.
I took a small detour up the fire escape so as to not run into anyone with my costume on. The hall, once I opened the window to it, was pretty nice. There was a distinct smell of cleaning products, but it still looked and felt very homey. The walls had stains on them from prime knows what and the carpet was stiff under my boots, and yet it was home. Or–not home, because this was still the hallway , but it was a familiar sight nonetheless.
The door to my apartment, 305, was a simple deep brown with small paintings of flowers growing from the door handle, painted by the last one renting the apartment–pretty sure their name was Hannah or something.
I headed straight to my room, quickly changing into my ‘civilian’ outfit. No bandana, no fox ears, no fox tail, nothing to give the slightest hint to my… hobby? I don’t even know what I would call it. Anyway, the only slight giveaway would be my red hair with a grey streak in it, which I rarely ever covered in any outfit. What can I say, I like living life on the edge.
Once I dressed into a simple grey jumper and black sweatpants, I walked into my small kitchen, intent on making myself some mac&cheese. I searched for the box for an unreasonable amount of time, and once I’d found it it was, of course, under the couch and behind a very very big clump of dust. Why was it there? Only Prime knows.
While I boiled the water I turned on the TV, just so I wouldn’t have to sit in complete silence for thirty minutes.
“A famous Hero group, The Dream Team, have reported a villain breaking into their base and momentarily stealing Hero 404’s computer early this morning. This is not the first time the villain has been sighted, though it is the first time it has been brought to the public eye. Onto the Hero President–” I tuned the news anchor out. There was no picture while she talked, though I knew it was me she warned everyone about. Which, fair, I do hold the title of “Menace to Society”, but calling me a villain ? That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?
“Hello, citizens of SMP, we would like to ease your worries about this new villain we have named ‘Fox’” –Void, could they not come up with a more original name? C’mon! Just “Fox” is so boring!– “They seem to be a fox hybrid with red hair and a grey streak through it. Their face is covered by a black bandana and they have a black hat with gold accents. They have a dark brown messenger bag, a black jacket, and white sneakers.” Again, there was no picture, which was stupid because I knew for a fact that every single member of The Dream Team had body cams on at all times, as did almost every other hero in existence. Which leaves the question, why ?
“If you see someone fitting this description please contact the police as soon as possible. Again, they are a fox hybrid, their face is covered by a black bandana, they have a black hat with gold accents, they carry a dark brown messenger bag, they wear a black jacket, and they have white sneakers. Please contact the police if you see them,” The President of the Heroes finally ended his stupid rant and the news switched back to the original anchor.
“Keep in mind that Fox is a very dangerous individual and holds little to no self preservation, which makes them even more unpredictable. You have no way of knowing if Fox will become violent or back down completely; as evidence of all of their appearances. Fox seems to show up all over SMP and no pattern has been discovered.” I tuned out the anchor in favour of adding the pasta to my now boiling pot of water. Really, I do think these people are exaggerating, I’m not violent at all! Sure, I’m a nuisance, obnoxious, and constantly causing problems for Heroes and Villains alike, but c’mon! I’m not actually dangerous . Anyone else could’ve found out what I know if they simply cared enough .
Only a few minutes later the mac & cheese was ready, and I scooped it all into a medium sized container, grabbing a top for it on the way. I sat in front of the TV and switched it to Netflix. Not because I actually wanted to watch anything, no, I had the heroes for my drama, but because I needed some background noise.
Time to get to work.