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Damndest Cartwheel...

Summary:

Cicero tries his hand at gymnastics, but it all goes horribly wrong - and (long story short) he ends up needing dentures.

Notes:

You were probably meant to do something horrifying with the prompt 'teeth' - but me? I do like my domestic fluff.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Thud . Cicero hit the stone tiled floor, back first, “...outch,” he moaned, trying to sit up but finding himself afflicted by a horrible pain in his lower spine.

“You know,” Nazir commented, “if you keep trying to do this cartwheel, you are going to get seriously hurt…”

“Nonsense speaker!” Cicero chuckled, pulling to his feet, “any good fool should be able to do a cartwheel! Now, all Cicero needs to do is try again…”

“Oh Sithis,” Nazir groaned, placing a hand over his eyes, “I can’t watch this…” Cicero took a few steps back, drawing a deep breath. He shifted the balance of his weight forward, pushing his arms to the floor and lifting his legs above his head.

“Ah! Cicero’s doing it!” Cicero laughed, just managing to hold a handstand with his legs flailing in the air for balance, “I’m actually doing it! Gah-” the jester slipped, losing his footing. The floor rushed towards him quickly - like the rush of your opponent’s fist, then hit with a horrible, painfull, crack . Cicero had fallen flat on his face, specifically on his mouth .

“...I hate to say ‘I told you so’,” the Redguard snickered, stroking his beard.

“Ohf no,” Cicero tried to speak, but struggled with a rapidly swelling tongue, and put a hand tentatively to his jaw, “Cifero thinkf he can tasfe bloodf…”

“This is your own fault,” Nazir said, pacing around Cicero in a circle, “you can hardly expect me to help you.”

“Okaf,” Cicero said, glumbly. He swilled the blood around his mouth and spat it out on the stone - he also spat out several small, white, pearlish objects. Teeth . Cicero was immediately filled with alarm and scrambled to pick them up - but Nazir seemed to find it hilarious. 

“Ha!” he shouted, “look at that! Well, that will be a permanent reminder for you not to mess around with gymnastics again…”

“How badf do I loof?” Cicero glanced up at Nazir, his eyes watering. Nazir blinked, sincerity falling over his face. This sincerity was deeply concerning to Cicero.

“It’s,” Nazir shifted his hands up and down as if juggling with his words, “I’m not going to lie to you, Brother. It’s pretty damn bad.”

“Gah!!” Cicero cried out in emotional anguish, pulling his hat down over his face, “Cicero is ugly! No, don’t look at him.”

“Well,” Nazir laughed, “you look like a sock-head now, and I don’t know if that’s any better than looking toothless.”

“...no one’s threatened by someone without any teeth,” Cicero grumbled through his hat, flooding his arms, “who even is Cicero if no-ones scared of him anymore?”

“You could just keep your mouth closed?” Nazir suggested, “I wouldn’t mind some peace and quiet…”

“Cifero’s mouf hurts…”

“I’ll get Babette to have a look at it for you,” Nazir sighed.

***

 

“Hmm,” the unchild said, peering inside Cicero’s mouth with a magelight, “I don’t think there’s much I can do here, Keeper. Apart From maybe giving you something to soothe the pain and stop the swelling.”

“But Cifero’s teef!” the Imperial complained, his eyes wide with alarm. 

“It doesn’t look that bad!” Babette said, “look, I’ll get you a mirror. Here,” she held an old, dusty mirror up to Cicero, “it was mine a few centuries ago - I haven’t had much use for it since I (you know) changed.”

“Ahg!” he cried, drawing his hands up to block the view. What Cicero saw was almost enough to shatter his entire world view. Have you ever had that moment of realisation, when it hits you just how old you actually are? Well, seeing yourself without the majority of your front teeth will certainly do that to you! In Cicero’s mind, despite having adopted the persona of the jester he once killed, he still perceived himself as a young, dashing jester with a high ranking position, from a sunny, far away land. Something romantic.
This was not the case.
Cicero now saw a broken, aged person in the mirror - far too pathetic to go about calling himself a ‘man’, with skin that was almost translucent from lack of sunlight so that every vein and blemish was in full view, and who now in need of dentures.

“...no!” a bead of sweat formed on Babette’s forehead when she saw Cicero’s reaction, “it really isn’t that bad! Look, I saved Festus’ faux teeth after he got skewered to death! You can have those! The Listener won’t even have to know about this!”
- That stung Cicero through the heart. The Listener! The love of his life… and they would scarcely be able to look at him anymore. Not like this. The Listener was far too good to be with somebody without his front teeth. The Imperial hung his head in shame, not wanting to look Babette or Nazir in the eyes.

“If you’re worried about what the Listener will think,” Nazir scoffed, reading his thoughts like a book,“I highly doubt they took you on for your looks , anyway. So I don’t think this will matter to them.”

“Plus - people without teeth give really good head! ” Babette said, placing her hands together on her lap and looking brightly up at him, without any sense of social restraint. Cicero and Nazir just sort of looked at her ; partially in shock, partially in concern, “ ...or so I hear, ” the vampire said, much more quietly.

“...Cicero,” Nazir asked tentatively, letting out a long breath, “does the Night Mother have teeth?”

“...no,” Cicero said, “thef all fell ouf a long timf ago… hafhaf.”

“And is the Night Mother perfect?” the Redguard asked, blushing ever so lightly, and scowling to counteract it.

“Yef!” Cicero enthused, “to suggef oferwise wouf be trefson!”

“So the Night Mother’s lack of teeth doesn’t make her any less perfect?”

“...no.”

“Then by that logic, you are not any less per -” Nazir stopped halfway through the word ‘perfect’ , looked Cicero up and down, and corrected his sentence, “they you are not any less half-tolerable because of your lack of teeth.”

“Thaf makes senf,” Cicero shrugged.

“Good,” Babette said, “now I’ll go get the medical kit and see if I can do something about the swelling of your tongue… I’ll be right back.”

***

 

“Ah! Thank you dearest Un-child,” Cicero enthused, swinging his legs back and forth from the bench he sat on, “Cicero feels much better with poor brother Festus’ wooden teeth - only he does miss his real ones.” He gave a hearty smile, feeling a lot more like his usual self.

“You can keep the real ones if you want,” Babette said, “I don’t need them for anything. you know how to enchant, right? Well, you could turn the teeth into a necklace or something, and enchant it. That would actually be kind of cool.”

“Maybe I will!” Cicero laughed, “does the Un-child think the Listener would like one such necklace? As a gift? Maybe we could have one each - Keeper and Listener with matching jewellery?”

“...I wouldn’t count on it ,” Babette said, shrugging, “but then again, the Listener is quite an odd character themself . Actually, yes! They would. That is exactly what the Listener would like. Isn’t their birthday soon?”

“Ah!” Cicero exclaimed, jumping to his feet, “it is! Thank you for reminding Cicero, dearest Un-child! Now, where are the soul gems?”

“In a wooden trough,” Babette explained, “just right of the door to my room-” she barely had time to finish her sentence before Cicero shot away down the corridor, one hand on his hat to stop it from falling off. “...good luck!” Babette called after him, grinning. He was such a funny little man .

Notes:

Hello there! Have you brushed your teeth today? (I haven't, I should go and do that, actually).
Leave a kudos if you value your oral health.