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Angelica silently sat at the dinner table as she and her fiance ate dinner. Once in a while, Eckhart would begin to try and start a conversation but all the topics he was able to come up with were work related.
With the Lord and Lady they served married, they shared one workplace as guard knights. For that reason they at least had the topic of happenings during the day and their shift rotation to talk about. But beyond that there wasn’t much more to converse about.
Angelica knew that it was her duty as a wife to keep up with socialization and trends but she simply was unable to. Just like so many other things expected of female nobles.
Well it wasn’t like Angelica was going to do something about this in the foreseeable future. It required thinking time that could have been spent training to get stronger.
Angelica was well aware of her flaws in the eyes of noble society but she decided to simply not think about them.
Yet for some unfathomable reason, Eckhart still desired to keep Angelica around.
So much that even after their engagement had been broken off during Ferdinand’s move to Ahrensbach, that later during the foundation of Alexandria, Eckhart had sought her out once again. Which means that now Angelica was engaged to Eckhart for a second time.
Angelica remembered the talk she had with Eckhart back then; he had even given her the chance to settle for another man. But Angelica denied; she had never fallen in love with someone and probably never will.
In that aspect, Eckhart was the perfect fit for her. After all, he was still in love with his late wife, Heidemarie. He would never fall for Angelica and wouldn’t have any expectations for her.
It was a wonder to Angelica how after all these years, Eckhart was still attached so much to Heidemarie. Sure, Angelica was 100% loyal to Rozemyne and would never want to serve someone else even if Rozemyne climbed the towering stairway; but apparently devotion and love were completely different emotions.
At least that’s what her family and fellow retainers of Rozemyne had told her.
Angelica’s understanding of noble society growing up was that people married out of obligation; so when she had encountered Rozemyne, Eckhart, Leonore, Philline and even her own sister, her whole world was flipped upside down. According to them, they had married out of love.
‘Just what is love?’
That was a question that Angelica asked herself on more than one occasion. Once she had asked Rozemyne and her retainers that question during a particularly uneventful evening last autumn.
“What does love feel like?”
Everyone had looked at Angelica like it was the most out of character question ever but even Angelica had thoughts that concerned her. Even the usually calm and composed Leonore had her shock written on her face.
"Did you eat something bad, Sister?"
After Rozemyne giggled, she actually began to answer the question.
“Well it is hard to describe because it leads to so much emotional and physiological instability. You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback.”
“Ohh, are you worried why you are feeling weird about Lord Eckhart after his passionate second proposal?” Judithe asked with a grin.
Angelica just placed her hand on her head and tilted it, something she always did to get out of answering troublesome questions. She didn’t want to answer Judithe’s question and also didn’t want to spend time thinking about what would be appropriate to say here.
Just how was she supposed to tell them that she had never felt something like this.
“Well for me it was like after meeting Damuel, I could immediately tell that this one is special. He is unique and the one destined to be by my side. Also, I really was craving an emotional union and took interest in anything he did,” Philline answered while a blush found itself on her face.
“I immediately began to plan a future together once I had fallen in love with Cornelius. Whenever I saw him, I kept daydreaming of what we could one day be. Furthermore, I began having possessive feelings,” Leonore joined in with her opinion.
“Oh and I just remembered more: I kept feeling emotionally unstable, had an emotional dependency, felt way more empathy for Ferdinand and just in general felt out of control,” Rozemyne added.
The various explanations made Angelica just even more confused. Her head was about to overload from information so it was time for the usual Angelica-move: placing her hand on her chin. Everyone understood the sign and immediately stopped talking to Angelica about the topic.
That doesn't sound good. Being in love would definitely get in the way with guard duty.
And just like that Angelica had concluded the conversation with being glad not to be in love.
Despite claiming to never think about it again, the topic still found itself creeping onto Angelica’s mind from time to time.
Especially when she failed to socialize with Eckhart; like she was right now.
Eckhart didn’t seem to show any displeasure about the mostly silent dinner and so the two continued to eat.
On the next Earthday, Angelica and Eckhart moved to the knight’s training ground. Whenever the two had freetime, they would train together. After all they both shared the goal of getting stronger; strong enough to protect their Masters from any danger.
Angelica really enjoyed training with Eckhart since he was very strong; nearly as strong as Bonifatius. However, ever since their move to Alexandria, training with Bonifatius wasn't an option anymore. And so, Angelica was glad more than anything that Eckhart was here.
With Judithe having become an expert at ranged attacks over the years, today the two were focusing on defending against long ranged attacks.
"Angelica, change into a full set of armor for this. I don't want you to get injured."
"You are right. That would hinder guard duty tomorrow."
With Angelica's reply, the two changed into their full set of feyarmor. Angelica knew just how deadly Eckhart's attacks could be so she was glad for its existence.
If only Lady Rozemyne wore one too. That way she'd be even better protected.
"Let us begin. As you know, throwing weapons can be very dangerous as they don't glow with mana or make their presence known. You have to be especially on guard against them when you are in a big crowd or the weather conditions are bad."
"Correct," Angelica exclaimed.
"You start with trying to catch me by surprise."
And so Angelica took a few daggers into her pouch and began to sword fight with Eckhart all the while. All she needed was an opening to catch Eckhart off guard and throw her dagger. However even after multiple tries she hadn't succeeded.
"I know that you are strong and precise but you need to work on your concealment. Stealth can make all the difference in a fight. You are extremely agile so you should have no problem learning one," Eckhart spoke when the two had reached a stalemate.
"Yes!" Angelica only listened with one ear, happy that Eckhart had praised her potential.
"Now let us switch places. It is time for you to defend."
Unlike Angelica, Eckhart was a master at these kinds of stealth attacks.
It didn't take him long to successfully throw the first dagger at Angelica. However, she still managed to block the attack at the last minute.
That made Angelica feel proud of herself. She still remembered the frustration she felt multiple years ago when she trained in the middle of a blizzard with Eckhart and he instantly got a surprise hit on her with his daggers.
If one were to pinpoint a moment that paved the way for their engagement, it was probably that encounter.
Angelica had once again spoken too honestly about her desire not to get married, as well as wanting to be with someone stronger than her that she could train with. But to Angelica’s surprise, Eckhart didn't get mad at her when she gave him a frank answer or stated her selfish desires. If anything, Angelica actually felt relief over meeting someone like Eckhart.
Back then Eckhart had told her that it is sometimes good to speak honestly about one's feelings. Angelica noticed that the conversation was turning into a direction where one had to think so she ended it, never finding out what Eckhart was actually thinking.
Well, not that that mattered to her
The fight ended when Eckhart had managed to put his blade against Angelica’s throat.
“I have won,” he said, slightly out of breath.
Angelica acknowledged her loss while Eckhart put away his dagger.
“You seemed distracted today. Is something on your mind?” Eckhart showed actual concern for Angelica, he was asking about her well-being.
Instinctively, Angelica tried to put her hand on her chin. Her usual habit of hiding her feelings and thoughts when she was overwhelmed by noble society.
However she stopped her hand just in time before it reached her cheek. She had spent twenty years of her life, avoiding this topic. Angelica trusted Eckhart immensely through their time together and it was finally time she addressed the Zantze in the room.
“Would it be possible to talk in private?”
“Of course,” Eckhart replied with a kind smile.
And so the two took out their highbeast and flew back to their shared estate.
“Do you want to go into a hidden room? Or should I just dismiss the servants in one of our rooms?”
Angelica still felt very in control of her emotions so a room in their estate served the purpose just fine.
“A tea party room will suffice.”
Back at their estate, Angelica didn’t need to say anything as Eckhart gave the servants the necessary orders and instructions.
Once the tea had been served and the servants and attendants left the room, Eckhart took out a sound blocking magic tool.
“Now then Angelica, what is troubling you? It would be best to solve this as soon as possible so it won’t get in the way of guard duty.”
“Why are you still engaged to me?” Angelica bluntly replied; delicacy has never been her speciality.
Eckhart was visibly surprised by Angelica’s question but just as expected of an archnoble, he quickly recovered.
“Where is that coming from all of a sudden? You already know why. We are both attached to our guard duty and not really ready for Bluanfah to dance.”
“But wouldn’t you want a wife that’s actually capable of socializing and producing heirs?”
Despite both Angelica and Eckhart having come of age already, the latter did not pressure her to go through with their Starbind Ceremony, much less even with calling Winter.
“What’s going on that you are bringing this up all of a sudden?”
“A while ago, I was talking with Lady Rozemyne and the other retainers about love and how it feels. And you Eckhart are literally perfect on paper: you have a good lineage, are an archnoble, are handsome and have a high mana quantity. Yet I am unable to fall in love or even feel any of the other things, the others described, for you.”
“So that is what worries you,” Eckhart replied with a nod, “well as you also know, I am still attached to my late wife so if anything it works out that you aren’t in love with me.”
“But don’t you find me a failure of a noble? Just like everyone seems to think.”
“These customs don’t matter to me. I respect you as a person. A person that is absolutely loyal to their master. Plus, the cape you embroidered for me is superb, those magic circles are on another level. If anything, I find that you perfectly completed the task expected of an engaged woman.”
“But what about welcoming winter and having a child? Other women my age all seem to be absolutely over the moon of the idea but I just can’t imagine anything more off-putting. My body would transform in a way that makes me unable to keep on training and even after birth I will never be as strong as I used to be. And then I can’t even be a guard knight because I need to nurse the baby and retire from my job.”
“Angelica, I don’t mind you being not into anything romantic or sexual or even behaving like a typical noble. I don’t feel the need to force mana into you when you are clearly not enjoying it. Remember when you were tricked by Lord Ferdinand into leaving the temple to train outside with me? I already knew back then that you weren't exactly the perfect example of a noble; others have told me as much," Eckhart chuckled before continuing on, "but still, when you described your ideal type it was like I had found my perfect match. If it wasn't for you speaking too honestly, our threads would have never been woven together. So for now let us just train like we always do; for me that is the best way to spend my free time. Coming up with new moves and ideas for taking someone down is fun for me; something that I wouldn’t be able to do with the average noblewoman. I enjoy being with you.”
“Thank you. I enjoy training with you too and striving to become stronger,” Angelica replied, instinctively bumping her fist on her chest.
“I am glad to hear that,” Eckhart chortled in response, “if your thoughts about winter ever change, just come and talk to me. I am always here to listen.”
For the first time in her life, Angelica actually felt appreciated for being the person she was. Her family definitely cared for her but they always wanted her to change, to adjust to noble customs. But Eckhart didn’t. He allowed Angelica to be the way she was.
Angelica felt safe and happy with him.
“Now that the heavy stuff is over, how about we review our sparring session from earlier? Especially how you managed to land the hit at the end.” And just like that, Angelica was back to her usual self.
“I would love to. See, isn’t it better to just be yourself? We have all the years ahead of us to grow stronger and develop new techniques so who cares about Bluanfa right now?”
Angelica didn't know who Bluanfa was but she decided to play along as if she understood.
“You are absolutely right. After all, who needs this 'Bluanfa' when I can just get stronger to protect Lady Rozemyne?”
“Correct. I can never be strong enough for Lord Ferdinand. Who knows what dangers will come in the following years,” Eckhart let out a laugh in response, most likely due to realizing that Angelica didn't remember what god Bluanfa was.
And so the two spent the rest of their Earthday absorbed in their training.