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An empty glass hit the table and Dean wiped the corner of his mouth with the edge of his sleeve. Cas watched on, concerned for him, concerned for all of them. Sam was pacing the library back and forth, all but ripping his hair out. On the sofa, Bobby sat with his head buried in his hands. Stress, overwork, pressure. Cas’ family were killing themselves, and he could do nothing but stand by and watch.
“You called me?” Castiel asked, making his presence known. Simultaneously, all three men glanced up to where Cas was stood by the fireplace. There was a wondering smile on Sam’s face, and for a second Cas felt ashamed that he was so distant, Sam didn’t think he’d answer his prayer. He hated being at such a distance from all of them, but he knew he would compromise his agreement if he was near them. “Sam said there was something big happening.”
“Eve said Crowley’s still alive,” Bobby replied, blatantly fed up with the shit always thrown at them. He rubbed over his eyes before pushing himself up. His hand reached out for the bottle of whiskey sat on the table in front of Dean, before he wandered into the kitchen in search of a clean glass.
“I thought you killed him,” Dean stated, accusation in his voice. If it were possibly for him to sweat, Cas would have been drenched, though he couldn’t help the anxious ticks in his fingers that he’d picked up from Sam. He hoped the movements were subtle enough he could carry on his charade.
“So did I,” Cas frowned, hiding his lie. “Perhaps I found the wrong bones.” He furrowed his eyebrow just enough to look confused, and earned himself a sympathetic smile from Sam. Sam always knew to make him feel validated.
“I don’t even know where to begin researching this,” Bobby grumbled, a glass of amber liquid in his hand. Cas could smell the spirit, could smell the amount of alcohol in it. He cursed whoever invented alcohol, who thought it was safe to drink that much alcohol at once.
“I do,” Castiel replied. “There’s a demon in the area, I’ll go talk to it.” Castiel took off in flight, glad to have the use of his wings back. The feeling of freedom made him feel so alive, so much better than when he’d been a puppet for Zachariah’s games. Despite the feeling of air between his feathers, Castiel still felt grounded. A thought in the back of his mind stopped him from going far. Were the Winchesters onto him?
Worry taking over, Cas made himself invisible, and settled back into Bobby’s front room.
“He’s lying,” Dean shook his head, jaw jutting out and teeth grinding harshly in pure rage. He’d seen the affects of Dean’s anger, but he’d never been on the receiving end of it. At least, not this angry.
“What?” Sam snorted. “No he’s not.” He was so faithful to Castiel, and Cas was glad he could consider Sam such a close friend. Dean poured himself another shit of whiskey and downed it within seconds.
“What reason did Eve have to tell us the wrong information?” Dean punctuated his question by slamming the tumbler down on the rickety table, wood chipping away at the force. Sam shrugged, the same rage building in him.
“Uhhh, to pit us against each other?” Sam threw out like it was obvious. “So she could get away while we were busy arguing.” In the corner of the room, Bobby seemed to be getting agitated at Sam and Dean’s argument.
“No, I’m telling you, there’s something up with him,” Dean growled, standing up to seem more of a threat. Castiel was right, Dean knew there was something going on. “He’d been acting different, man, you know he has.”
“Or maybe he made an honest mistake,” Sam argued back. If anyone knew about mistakes, it was Sam. It warmed Castiel’s heart (or grace - he didn’t know any more) to know Sam felt they were so alike. If he could be any human, it would be selfless, caring Sam Winchester.
“Angels don’t make mistakes,” Dean spat out. Though Dean’s suspicions were right, it still hurt that he could so easily turn on him.
“This is Cas we’re walking about,” Sam tried to reason, though the scoff from Dean proved he was grasping at straws. “He’s on our side.” Bobby had patiently been watch Sam and Dean’s back and forth, but stepped forward as he began to speak.
“Maybe he’s working with Crowley,” he interjected. Bobby Singer, always on the uptake. Both brothers turned to look at him, though Dean seemed pleased and Sam was obviously distraught. There were faint tears in his eyes, like he didn’t want to believe what he was hearing.
“He wouldn’t,” Sam pushed, almost pleading to a God that wasn’t there that he was right. “He knows the risks.” That much was true, Cas had always been wary of Crowley from the second he saw the demon to when they began their deal. Cas was surprised that Sam knew that though, he’d never been too open about his fears.
“Heaven is at war, Sam, everyone has their last resort,” Dean snarled, jabbing his finger hard into Sam’s chest.
“It’s not Cas alright!” Sam yelled, panting heavily he was so frustrated. Tears rolled down his face, and his cheeks were turning a violent shade of red from the arguing.
“Why do have so much blind faith in him?!” Dean demanded. He grabbed Sam by his shoulders and shook him, as if trying to literally shake sense into him.
“BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!” Sam roared, before beginning to sob. Cas was so surprised by what Sam said, that he forgot about keeping himself hidden, he forgot about his invisibility. He was suddenly visible to everyone in the room, but with his shock he didn’t care.
“Sam…” Castiel breathed out, jaw hanging open and his voice barely loud enough to be heard. Except Sam did.
Panicked, Sam glanced up to where Castiel was watching him, a sad look in his blue eyes. His heart stopped beating. He’d put his foot in it, he couldn’t take back what he said. Bobby and Dean seemed equally as shocked, sharing a similar confused look before looking between Sam and Cas.
“Shit, Cas,” Sam squeaked out, obviously scared. “How long have you been here?” He was cowering away for some reason, and Cas couldn’t put his finger on why.
“Long enough,” Cas coughed, understanding the awkwardness of the moment. His answer was vague, but from the ‘deer caught in headlights’ look on Sam’s face, he knew Sam understood what he meant.
Silence hung heavy in the room. No one knew what to say or what to do. Sam let himself fall to the floor, hiding his face behind his hair. Castiel could hear soft sniffles coming from him, but couldn’t see if Sam was actually crying or not. Not being able to help Sam killed him inside, but he made no move.
“I’m gonna go grab us some food,” Bobby said eventually, using it as an excuse to escape the tension. Dean looked to his younger brother, then to Cas, then to the door, before hastily following Bobby.
“I’ll come with you,” he called after his uncle, speed walking out of the room and away from Cas and Sam. Cas supposed they needed to sort things out anyway.
Gently, he sat beside Sam on the floor, who was very clearly sobbing now that his family had left. Cas carefully patted his leg, attempting to show some sort of support. Thankfully, Sam seemed to understand, and slowly the tears stopped until it was only Sam’s breath hitching. Tucking his hair behind his ear, Sam turned to face Cas, visibly gulping before beginning to speak.
“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he laughed nervously, a weak attempt to clear the tension. Cas appreciated it, he knew the conversation would not be easy for Sam, not after all of the heartbreak and rejection already in his life. He flashed a small smile.
“I know,” Cas spoke kindly. “Thank you for your faith in me.”
“I-uhh,” Sam started, though he wasn’t sure what to say. “It’s no problem.” He was blushing slightly, and faced away from Cas to try and cover it up. Sam was being so brutally honest, and Cas couldn’t lie to him any more. He couldn’t keep up the charade, not for someone as sweet and loving as Sam. That was why he had to distance himself. He sighed, preparing himself for the big reveal.
“It is misplaced though,” Castiel frowned. There was a sudden lift of pressure from his heart, and he was glad he could finally be with Sam again.
“You’ve been working with Crowley?” Sam asked, hurt clear in his eyes. Cas gulped.
“Yes,” he groaned. “It’s stupid, I know. But I was desperate.” It wasn’t much of an apology, but then again the Winchesters weren’t known for saying sorry. He hoped Sam would pick up on the meaning.
“We could help you,” Sam grabbed Cas’ hands and promised. There was no way Cas would ever be able to deny Sam, not while he was talking so passionately. “You know that. We’ll always help.”
“Of course,” Cas shrugged. “But I couldn’t bare to see you hurt because of me or my family, Sam.” He gripped Sam’s hands back, relishing in the soft touch for a second. The hands felt so natural in his, and Castiel didn’t want to let go of them.
“Do you mean that?” Sam asked cautiously, and in a second Cas wanted to hurt everyone who had hurt Sam, to ruin every last person who made it so Sam couldn’t trust. He didn’t deserve that.
“Yes,” Cas smiled sincerely. He realised what he needed to tell Sam, the feelings he had buried inside of him. “I believe I love you too.” Sam gasped, bit his lip, and stood up. Short of breath and more tears forming, Sam turned away from Castiel, to look out of the dusty window into the scrap yard.
“What about Dean?” He asked, though his shaking voice made it sound like he didn’t want to know the answer. Castiel really didn’t know why Sam was bringing up his brother, what Dean had to do with their relationship.
“What about him?” He furrowed his brows. Sam whipped around, face splotchy from the tears (or so Castiel expected).
“Your profound bond?” Sam snipped, and Cas finally realised. Sam was jealous, even if he had no reason to be. He gently clasped Sam’s hand and pulled him to the floor again, close enough so that their knees touched. Focusing his grace, Castiel made it so he was the only focal point.
“He is my friend, nothing more,” he assured, allowing his grace to flow through Sam’s palms and into his soul. This calmed Sam a lot, made him more trusting. He could feel Sam’s soul pushing back, as if he was trying to do the same thing. Castiel smiled fondly as he watched Sam try and move his soul for him. It was the most endearing sight. “You are my something more, if that’s okay.” Sam’s eyes focused on him and he exhaled remorsefully.
“Will you call of your deal with Crowley?” Sam begged, puppy eyes and all. Castiel couldn’t stop the twang in his heart, the guilt in his stomach. “I love you, but I need to be able to trust you.”
“Of course, it’s done,” Cas replied almost instantly. He’d do anything for Sam, he knew somewhere in the bottom of his grace he would die for him. “It’s probably a wise idea, Crowley is threatening to hurt you, Balthazar, Meg, all of my friends. I want to keep you safe from that, my love.” Sam grinned broadly when he heard the pet name, leaning in to hug Cas tightly. Smiling back, Cas wrapped his arms around Sam too.
“My love,” Sam repeated, nothing more than a whisper in Cas’ ear. “You will always be my love.”