Chapter Text
The first day of Hogwarts had passed for the sixth-year Gryffindor as suddenly as it had come, and Kanaan was exhausted.
A trip to Madam Blainey after dinner had done nothing to soothe the incessant pounding of a migraine–one that had chosen the worst possible day to appear, and surely because of Ominis–and now Kanaan struggled to rest in the dormitory that would house them for only two more years. Hogwarts was the only real home they’d ever known, and the thought of leaving again in just over ten months did nothing but make Kanaan more restless, and the headache worse.
Kanaan had only a matter of months to outperform in the retake of their O.W.L.s, as to make up for solid Poors across the board from the year before. If they didn't do well and advance on to N.E.W.T.s in seventh year, there would be no magical job offers to take Kanaan away from the muggle world, and their mother.
Their mother’s resentment, her disappointment, and most recently, her passive-aggressive threats to disown Kanaan, robbing them of the chance to leave on their own terms next year when they turned eighteen. The swirling scar on Kanaan’s left cheek, left by their mother with a broken wineglass stem, would follow them forever, but Kanaan refused to let the woman’s influence take over their future. Kanaan’s mother resenting her child for giving up their birth identity was never explicitly said, but it flowed in every conversation, every snide remark, every fake bout of caring brought on by sudden violence, and then guilt. Their mother was more devious than any Slytherin Kanaan had ever known, and Hogwarts was the only place the muggle couldn’t reach them, until they had to return to her clutches come summer.
Kanaan intended to fix that problem before graduation, but first they needed some proper rest.
The mere idea seemed laughable after the past two years.
Letting out a long sigh, Kanaan turned over, facing the stained glass lion that let in multi-colored moonlight, bathing the dorm room in shimmering reds and golds that blurred together in their vision.
Cressida’s snoring filled the high-ceiling space, along with the soft swishing of Natty and Nellie shifting in their sleep–a rhythm that Kanaan had gotten used to over five years in the Girl’s Dormitory, but still they couldn’t sleep. Nothing about their first day had gone as planned, and Kanaan was trying not to replay the moments that stained their mood like ink. It all had to do with the one person who got under their skin like no one else, and especially when he was avoiding them with all his might.
Ominis Gaunt.
A welcome distraction from the Slytherin and the pounding in Kanaan's temples was to fall into the cadence of their story with Anne. Being back at Hogwarts for another year without their best friend was difficult, but Kanaan thought if they kept replaying all their memories with Anne, they could keep her spirit alive, even in the wake of Ominis' hatred for them.
Ominis and Kanaan had managed to evade each other for the first two years at Hogwarts, but Kanaan was positive that it was because Ominis was actively avoiding them that whole time, though he would never admit to it. Ominis, along with Sebastian and Anne Sallow, made up a distinctive Slytherin trio from year one, and Kanaan was happy to stay away from such a “pure” group–they struggled enough fitting under their own skin without being judged for their muggleborn blood as well. But no one could have accounted for Anne. Clever, kind, dogged Anne.
Third year had been viciously unkind to a teenager piecing themselves apart. Hormones raged above and below the surface for Kanaan as they struggled with their identity and what the world expected of them. Their mother had called it their “blossoming,” but Kanaan’s new features felt like torture, a betrayal of themselves. So they’d begun binding in secret, using several stolen pairs of their mother’s pantyhose until the rips betrayed them and the binder fell apart during the Charms class that would change everything.
Kanaan had faked a more appropriate bathroom emergency to Professor Ronen, who had been all too willing to let them go over hearing any more details. Shutting themselves in the corner stall, Kanaan attempted to unknot the ripped mess that was being held up by nothing other than their will at this point, but it wouldn’t budge. The damn thing covered nothing now, and still they couldn’t get it off because they’d tied it too tight earlier to keep it from slipping in the first place, and now it was all so fucked.
Frustrated sighs turned into choked sobs as Kanaan tore the fabric off their chest, throwing it over the top of the stall so they wouldn’t have to look at it anymore.
A firm voice called out then from the other side of the stall, “Okay, who do I need to jinx?”
Kanaan jumped, too busy trying to come up with a replacement solution to notice they’d been followed into the washroom by none other than Anne Sallow. Sniffling, Kanaan wiped furiously at their face, buttoning up their shirt with trembling fingers as they replied with as even a tone as they could muster, “I beg your pardon?”
“This fabric here, it’s ripped. I saw Everett and Leander cornering you before Charms, so just tell me who-” A Slytherin was the last person Kanaan would have expected to have a problem with bullying, but they felt embarrassed, vulnerable.
Agitated and confused, Kanaan let out a frustrated yell. Anne jumped to the side to avoid being hit by the door as Kanaan rushed out. Snatching the hose back, Kanaan held it to their chest, “It’s none of your business! And why did you follow me? I wanted to be alone.” A black spot was starting to form in the corner of their vision, signaling an oncoming migraine attack.
“Well, if you must know, it’s because I already jinxed Everett. But I can get Leander too, if you want. The bugger dodged it just in time, but I know where he studies.”
Kanaan just blinked, but Anne went on, twirling her wand between her fingers with all the calm of someone who was proud of their work. “When you left class just now, Leander decided to make a comment about you. Then Everett decided to follow up with an insult attached to your old name, and now his tongue is glued to the top of his mouth. You would think Ronen would give extra credit for such a perfect cast, but he was less than enthused.”
The mental image alone was enough to make Kanaan laugh, and Anne easily joined in, “For Leander, I think I shall resort to the pumpkin-head jinx instead. Godric knows his head is as hollow as a jack-o-lantern anyway.” Kanaan’s cackle surprised them, but Anne just smiled, nodding in agreement, “I’ll take that as a yes, then. And your fabric, can it be repaired? Leander acts as if he doesn’t have the Galleons, but I know he’s–”
“Oh, they didn’t rip it. I-I did. But it was only a matter of time anyway.” Kanaan felt stupid now, holding onto a pair of their mother’s pantyhose that had never worked right and held only bad memories.
“Well, if you can wait until after dinner, I have extra pairs in my dorm chest. I’d get them now, but I have an appointment.”
Anne’s generosity and tenacity struck Kanaan then, and how they had nothing to give in exchange or as payment. “Oh, no, that’s not necessary, I can manage–”
“Don’t be daft. Meet me in the quad courtyard at eight tonight, and bring a candle for the pumpkin,” Anne said with a wink. Kanaan pondered their choices. After enduring thirteen years under their mother's roof, it wasn't difficult to ignore their classmates' jabs, but someone standing up for them was a first. And from a rival house, no less. Kanaan found themselves admiring Anne's cunning, and decided to give her a chance. At the very least, they would get a few free pairs of pantyhose out of the deal.
"Okay, I'll be there," Kanaan confirmed, feeling good enough about their decision to viciously throw the torn hose into the bin as Anne cheered.
They walked out together, but Anne turned to go in the other direction.
“Aren’t you coming back to class?” Kanaan asked, surprised at how much they were already looking forward to tonight. Anne didn't seem to care what the hose were for, but somehow, Kanaan thought she wouldn't mind.
Anne waved them off, sporting a signature grin that could only be coined as mischievous, and would soon be known to Kanaan as the Sallow Smile. “Oh no, I really must get to Detention. Moon refuses to polish the silver by himself, mutters about demiguises watching him in the dark. Give Everett my best, yes?” Kanaan could only watch her go, the ebbs of the migraine slipping away as quickly as they'd come, if only for the moment.
Anne had been Kanaan's first, only, and then best friend within weeks. The differences in their blood mattered not in the face of such a bond. Anne was brilliant and brave, loyal and true, and Kanaan couldn't understand how she fit into Slytherin. No one dared to bully Kanaan with Anne at their side, which allowed Kanaan the begin to work on their own confidence. Only a week with Anne dispelled the notion that all Slytherins hated muggleborns, but the same couldn't be said for a certain someone.
Along with Anne came her twin Sebastian, who came to respect Kanaan after they bested him in a duel. The two would go on to decimate the competition in Crossed Wands, where Anne cheered them on the loudest.
And then there was Ominis.
He was like a brother to the twins, and always nearby, but his distaste for Kanaan had been blatant since day one, when Anne introduced them. Ominis had wrinkled his nose in disgust, barely speaking to Kanaan as they sat in the stands for Quidditch trials. Anne had finally convinced Kanaan to put their natural athleticism to use and try out for Chaser, and had brought Ominis along as extra support. He had been anything but as he sulked in the stands, but Anne assured her best friend that Ominis just needed time to warm up to new people.
That time hardly came, but Kanaan couldn't avoid him at that point. If Anne was their blessing, then Ominis was the condemnation they were to endure, for the Slytherin Trio would not be separated. With Kanaan's addition, they were a linked chain: held together in the middle by the unbreakable bond of the twins, with Kanaan and Ominis on each end, polarizing magnets that would always repel. Ominis best represented Slytherin in the group, and Kanaan learned to fight back with their tongue, often resulting in the two lashing out, and the twins coming together to mend the situation. Anne teased Kanaan until they admitted that yes, Ominis would be quite handsome if he wasn't such a prick, and left it at that.
Kanaan didn't enjoy fighting with her best friend's family, but it only got worse after Anne got sick.
Kanaan had gotten to know Anne for nine months, and they were the best of their life. With Anne sick at home in Feldcroft, Sebastian went stir crazy searching for a cure. Perhaps the only time Kanaan and Ominis had agreed on anything was when they both tried to console Sebastian away from the dark path he was on.
Fourth and fifth year were hell. Kanaan tried to visit Anne as much as possible until Sebastian got them all banned from Solomon's house, stating Anne needed proper rest. This only fueled Sebastian's obsession, leading him to commit the greatest act of dark magic by using an Unforgivable Curse on his uncle in their fifth year. Hogwarts meant to expel him then, but both twins went missing shortly after, abandoning Feldcroft with only their wands and each other.
Their absence cleaved the group in two, leaving Kanaan and Ominis to sink further into a mutual silence. They were both questioned relentlessly by the Aurors the last week before summer, and by the end of it, Kanaan couldn't spare the energy to check on Ominis before they left Hogwarts for break. In between mourning Anne and Sebastian, and worrying about returning once more to their mother, Kanaan hadn't even deigned to speak to Ominis, even as they walked the same path down to the train station. It had all felt too raw, too real, and Kanaan couldn't look at him, this person that held the only link to her missing best friend, and his.
The only solace Kanaan could find was that the twins had gone together, wherever they were. The same couldn't be said of the pair they left behind.
Losing Anne had been too much, and Kanaan returned to their mother that summer in a fog, numb to the world. It had unexpectedly served them well, as their mother had no kindness to spare those three months, and her words were drowned out by the incessant storming inside Kanaan's head. After a particularly nasty fight, Kanaan left for a weekend, wandering the city in a reflective daze. While their mother cooled off in her bottle, Kanaan decided to cut off all their hair and send an owl to the Gaunt estate before returning to the apartment.
Losing nine inches of hair had felt like a weight lifted off their shoulders, but the burden of Ominis' unresponsiveness set a heaviness in their gut that couldn't be ignored. Anne would want Kanaan and Ominis to remain...whatever they were. Not quite nemeses, but only with the buffer of the twins between them. Now, without Sebastian's charm and Anne's wit, Kanaan had been all too ready to let whatever connection they had to Ominis fade away to nothingness. But Anne would be disappointed, wherever she was, and Kanaan couldn't live with being a disappointment to anyone else. But Ominis had never written back, and when Kanaan cornered him after dinner earlier...
"Agh!!" Kanaan exclaimed, pressing their face into a pillow to block the noise of their own thoughts. There would be no sleeping at this rate, not with the pounding in their ears, and not if they couldn't stop thinking about Ominis. He was all Kanaan had left of Anne and Sebastian, and their happier times at Hogwarts, two years gone. But Ominis had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with them, leaving Kanaan with all their unresolved grief on the floor.
Needing a change of scenery, Kanaan slipped out of bed and headed downstairs to the common room, pillow and blanket in tow.