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I hate restaurants.
They're loud and smelly and there's too many people and all that pressure of choosing what to eat and everyone's just staring down your back and then someone tells you to hurry up and then there's also the whole eating thing I have which just adds to it. This was why when my friends all said they wanted to go out for dinner this weekend, I truly didn't want to go, but I didn't want to upset anyone, so I decided to go anyway.
I sit down at the table next to my boyfriend, Nick. The whole Paris Squad (except Imogen) is there: Tara, Darcy, Elle, Tao, Aled, Sahar, me and Nick. Darcy is ranting to Tara about something that happened at school. Tao is trying to flirt with Elle, who seems uncomfortable. Sahar and Aled are bonding over a book they both read. The restaurant is absolutely packed with people, and there's a band playing very loud music. Everyone starts to decide what they're going to eat. The menu is passed to me and I immediately begin to panic. There are too many options and it stresses me out. I stare blankly at the menu in front of me, while my brain spirals, giving me a bit of a headache. My heart is racing. I place my hands over my ears because it is way too loud. At this point, Darcy is yelling, Tara and Sahar are singing along to the band, which is SUPER loud, and everything is just way too much. I feel the control of my emotions that I normally have disappearing at a rapid rate, and eventually I give in to the stimming and crying. I squeak and flap my arms about while trying to stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes. I get up and run out, it's too loud and there's too much stress and I feel very embarrassed.
I find a nice, quiet spot to sit outside, a waterfall of tears escaping my eyes. "This is so awful... I should never have come here..." I whisper to myself, my head in my hands. I watch as my tears fall onto the concrete, and I bite my nails. I forgot my fidgets so I didn't have them to help, and my mum wouldn't let me bring my headphones because she believes it to be "disrespectful". After a few minutes, Nick comes and sits next to me, not saying a single word. We sit in silence for a few minutes, then he turns to me and asks, "Char? Are you ok?". I can't bring myself to answer properly, so I just shake my head. "If you don't want to talk about it, I'm completely fine with that." Nick says. I hug him, and cry into his shoulder. "It's ok, Charlie, I promise everything is ok..." he says, soothingly rubbing my back. "Th... thanks, Nick." I finally manage to say. "It's ok. Did you have a sensory overload?" he asks. "Yeah, kind of." I reply. "Yeah, this probably wasn't the best idea on my part. Sometimes I forget." he says. "No, no, it's fine. I'm used to it." I tell him, but he persists. "That doesn't make it ok, though." he says, looking kind of upset. "Nick... I told you, it's fine!" I reply, then I give him a little kiss on the forehead. He kisses me back. "I love you, Charlie Spring." Nick says. "I love you too, Nick Nelson." I add. "Do you want me to order you some food, and we can eat out here?" Nick asks. "Maybe just a small chips or something like that? I'm not super hungry." I reply. "Ok, I'll do that. Just give me a minute. I'll be back." he says, then he gets up and goes back in.
He comes back a few minutes later with a pepperoni pizza and a small chips. "You're going to eat that whole pizza?!" I exclaim. "No, I'll probably eat half of it and then take the other half home. Also, I got you your chips." he says, handing me the chips. "Thanks, Nick, you're the best." I say, and we begin to eat whilst looking up at the stars. "The sky looks so beautiful tonight." I say. "Mmmm, yeah, almo' a' beau'iful as you." Nick says, mouth full of pizza. "Don't talk with your mouth full of food, Nick, it's gross." I tell him, prompting him to roll his eyes. "Oh, shut up, I'm trying to flirt with you!" he replies. "I know. And that's why I love you," I tell him, "but I'm not going to kiss you right now because we're both eating.". "Fair." Nick says, then we both burst out laughing.