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When a particularly loud crash of thunder booms through the room, Natalie wakes up, startled by the sound. She blinks rapidly as she looks around the bedroom, trying to locate the source of the noise before she hears another rumble from outside, she relaxes, realizing it’s just a storm outside. She’s about to curl back up and slip back into her dream when she glances over at Lottie’s side of the bed and notices the woman sitting up in the bed.
Lottie is sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms tightly wound around them, staring blankly at the end of the bed. Even in the darkness of their room, Natalie can tell how pale Lottie’s face is, and she sits up quickly, filled with concern for the woman.
“Lot?” Nat whispers softly, not wanting to frighten the woman by reaching out without saying anything.
She fears that Lottie had another nightmare, that she had woken up terrified and has been sitting alone in silence since. When Lottie doesn’t move after Nat speaks to her, she tries again, this time slightly raising her voice to try to break through whatever trance Lottie is in.
That seems to do the trick, and Lottie quickly whips her head toward Natalie, worry painting her expression. Natalie leans over and tugs on the string of the lamp beside her to switch it on before turning back to face Lottie. She can see the fear filling Lottie’s eyes and she’s about to ask the woman what happened when Lottie cuts her off.
“Did I wake you up?”
Lottie’s voice is much smaller than usual and it has a slight tremble to it as she weakly looks down at Natalie, which only increases Nat’s worry.
Nat shakes her head, softly smiling at Lottie, “You didn’t, baby. But even if you did, I wouldn’t care. What’s wrong?”
“It’s okay,” Lottie mutters quietly, releasing her legs and stretching them out in front of her to appear relaxed. “You can go back to sleep.”
Unsurprisingly, Natalie’s stubbornness, paired with her genuine care for Lottie, comes through, and she sits up straighter in bed, doing the complete opposite of what Lottie told her. She isn’t going to just go back to sleep when Lottie is in this state, no matter how much Lottie is going to try to tell her to.
She knows something’s wrong with Lottie, and she’s going to do everything she can to help her. Over the last few months, Lottie has taken care of Natalie more times than she can count, so it’s only fair that she returns the favor. Besides, she cares about Lottie and she made a promise to help her and it’s one she’s determined to stick to.
“Lottie, talk to me,” Nat says softly as she carefully reaches out and lightly rubs Lottie’s thigh comfortingly. Physical touch is Lottie’s favorite way to receive love, something Natalie has learned during their time together, so Nat has become proficient in giving Lottie the comfort she needs in their relationship. She’s never cared about providing her partners with physical touch, but things are different with Lottie. This relationship means more to her than any other one she’s ever had in her entire life, and Lottie has made her feel more loved and cherished than any of her previous partners, so she makes sure to put in the effort necessary to make sure Lottie feels the same.
Lottie’s hand covers Natalie’s and her thumb gently rubs circles onto it and she shyly replies, “It’s the storm.”
She keeps her answer as vague as possible, not wanting to admit that she was scared of the storm currently thrashing around their cabin. She doesn’t think Natalie would make fun of her for it, but part of her fears that the woman will make a comment about Lottie being in her 40s and scared of thunderstorms.
Lottie’s fear of thunderstorms has been something that has stayed with her since she was a kid, something she thought she would grow out of as she aged. As a child, it was a regular occurrence for her to wake up screaming in the middle of a storm, plagued with nightmares of the worst-case scenarios. It reached a point where she forced herself to stay awake when she could hear it start to rain outside, terrified of what was to come when she did finally sleep.
As Lottie got older, she realized how unsustainable it was to not sleep when it rained, so she forced herself to sleep, even if she was scared. However, there were still some nights she spent sitting in bed wide awake when the thunder was too loud. This followed her into adulthood, especially when she moved into her current quarters. The cabin was quieter than her previous home, allowing the noise of the storm to permeate more easily, which resulted in more sleepless nights for her.
Usually, she’ll turn on the lights and find something to do to keep herself busy, but with Natalie in the bed, she was left to sit alone in the darkness. She thought about moving to the living room and watching something on the television, but she didn’t want to leave the bedroom, still wanting the comfort of Nat’s presence. Lottie wasn’t sure what was worse, sitting alone in the living room as she watches TV, away from Natalie, or sitting in silence with Natalie fast asleep beside her in bed, so she stayed put and just wished for the storm to pass.
It’s one of the loudest storms Lottie has ever experienced, the thunder booming as if it was just a few feet above her head and each crack of lightning making Lottie squeeze her eyes shut as the fear races through her. Lottie can hear each raindrop slamming into the roof at once, only adding to the loudness of the outside. She’s trying to keep herself collected as she talks to Nat, especially now that there’s a light on in their room.
“I know it’s stupid, but I’m scared of thunderstorms,” Lottie finally whispers so quietly Natalie would have missed it if she wasn’t paying close attention to her. “I have been since I was a kid.”
The second Lottie says it, Natalie is hit with memories of the teenage version of the woman curling up in the corner of the cabin every time the wilderness welcomed a new storm. She spent countless nights watching her instead of sleeping, not being able to bring herself to comfort Lottie the longer they spent in the cabin together. She doesn’t know how she had forgotten such an important detail of Lottie’s life, but it had been twenty-five years since they were in that situation and there hadn’t been a bad storm since Natalie had arrived at the compound, so they wouldn’t have had the opportunity to organically discuss it.
Natalie’s demeanor softens and she reaches up to firmly grip Lottie’s chin and lift it so she meets her eyes, “It’s not stupid, Lottie. What do you need?”
She’s met with silence from the other woman. Lottie doesn’t want to make Natalie do anything to make her feel better. She’s dealt with this on her own for long enough, and she’s fine continuing to do so. She doesn’t want Nat to feel like she has to help her, so she just shakes her head and tries to give her a weak, reassuring smile.
The universe seems to want Lottie to give in to her desires and seek out Nat’s comfort, however. Just as Lottie is trying to convey that she’s okay and Nat can go back to bed, another crash of thunder, the loudest Lottie had heard that night, booms overhead. Lottie jumps in response, freezing seconds later when she can hear the crack of the lightning that follows. Her body starts to tremble, and the second she realizes it, she forces herself to sit still, not wanting to draw any more attention to herself.
Natalie’s heart drops as she watches Lottie, and she knows she has to do something to help her. She watches as Lottie’s eyes cautiously glance toward the window beside her, and Natalie realizes the first step is getting Lottie away from the window. There aren’t any windows on Natalie’s side of the bed as the bathroom is on the other side of her wall, so Nat knows this is the easiest solution for now.
“Switch sides with me,” she instructs. She doesn’t ask it as a question or give it as an offering because she knows Lottie would try to brush her off and say she’s fine, so she says it and doesn’t give the woman room to argue.
Nat moves toward the end of the bed to give Lottie the space to move over, then crawls into the space Lottie previously occupied once Lottie settles. They rearrange quietly, but Natalie makes sure to softly whisper Lottie assurances that she’s okay as she coaxes Lottie to lay back down.
With a warm smile, Nat opens her arms and says, “Come here.”
Lottie happily accepts the invitation, moving to lay her head on Natalie’s chest as her arms wrap around the woman’s smaller frame. She holds onto Natalie tightly and relaxes when she feels Nat’s arms embracing her with equal force. Nat presses a soft kiss to the top of Lottie’s head when she settles, allowing her lips to linger for a moment to convey the love she has for her.
They lay together in silence for a few minutes before Lottie shyly asks if they can talk for a little bit until she falls asleep, and Natalie is happy to comply. She’ll do just about anything Lottie asks of her at this point, so full of absolute love and adoration for the woman. She carefully removes one of her arms from Lottie’s frame so she can gently run her fingers through the woman’s hair, knowing it’s something else that will help soothe her. It’s something Lottie does to her often, so she feels Lottie will appreciate being on the receiving end of it.
Her assumption is correct, and she’s met with a low hum escaping Lottie’s throat as Nat’s nails lightly scratch at her scalp with each pass of her fingers through Lottie’s dark tresses. There’s a second where Nat thinks Lottie might have fallen asleep as she stops speaking mid-sentence, but she picks back up after nuzzling her face against Nat’s chest.
“You’re one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known,” Lottie whispers.
A small smile grows on Nat’s lips and she decides to return the compliment, knowing they could easily go back and forth until Lottie falls asleep. Normally, she’s more shy about sharing how she feels about Lottie, but this is a special circumstance, so ignores her discomfort as she thinks of the best things she can say about Lottie.
“You’re one to talk, Lot,” Natalie chuckles, and Lottie grins as she feels the vibration of Nat’s laughter in her chest. “I’m constantly amazed by how caring you are and how much you just want to help others, especially the ones you barely know.”
The two exchange compliments and words of affirmation over the next few minutes, and if Lottie wasn’t on the verge of falling asleep, she would have taken a moment to appreciate how one of the worst nights she’s had in a while quickly turned into her being comforted so sweetly by her girlfriend. Instead, she shifts so she can comfortably sleep with Nat, burying her face in the woman’s neck instead of resting it on her chest.
Natalie is struggling to stay awake, but she’s forcing herself to keep her eyes open until she’s sure Lottie has fallen asleep. She doesn’t want to the woman to be awake alone, struggling with the noise from outside, so she continues to speak to Lottie even as Lottie’s words begin to slur together. Lottie curls closer to Nat, slipping her hand underneath her t-shirt to seek the comfort of her warm skin as her hand settles on Nat’s stomach.
It’s only a few more minutes until Lottie stops replying and Natalie notices that her breathing evens out, so she waits a little to make sure the woman doesn’t wake back up immediately before she allows herself to settle back against the pillows and close her eyes. She turns on her side, keeping a tight hold on Lottie as she drifts asleep.