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it was a calm evening in hawkins when mike wheeler stopped by his sisters room. vecna had yet to make a move, and while the city of hawkins was in ruins, it wasn’t getting worse (yay).
nancy sat on her bed, legs crossed as she skimmed old photos. as mike walked to her bed frame he recognised nancy and barbara holland holding hands on the first day of seventh grade. another showed nancy all dressed up before the snowball dance, braces displayed across her face. mike was only about ten at the time but remembered laughing at his sister behind his mothers legs. mike hadn’t thought about it in so long, but remembered it fondly.
“hey, nancy?” mike started
“hmm?” nancy didn’t look up. instead she placed the pictures she help in a neat pile before her legs. nancy probably didn’t want him to notice, but mike saw as she patted her cheeks dry from tears.
“i’m just-“ nancy continued, “thinking. it’s been a long time since i last reviewed these.” she chuckled sadly. “to think this was less than a decade ago.” she held up a picture of a nancy kneeling in front of the byers’ dog. mike smiled as he sat next to nancy on her bed.
“did you want something?” she finally asked. mike looked away. he was here for one reason, but when being asked about it he couldn’t help but feel the sense of panic rise in his chest.
“i, uh,” classic mike. “i wanted to ask something. about you and steve.”
“steve?” nancy seemed taken aback and almost scoffed. “what about him?”
“i mean,” mike hesitated. “i thought he still liked you. i guess i’m just wondering if you feel the same.”
nancy was quiet for a moment, but she didn’t seem startled or offended by the question to mikes relief. after a while, nancy sighed with a faint smile. “no, i definitely do not.” she leaned back on her bed. “last year was… intense - i think all of us can agree on that. i guess i was just upset. upset with jonathan for not finding the time to see me while also upset with myself for doing the same. i wanted him here, yet i was so happy he was with you and will.”
“we can take care of ourselves, thank you very much,” mike sneered.
nancy only chuckled, “of course. but still. i’m glad he was there. and with steve-“ she paused, as if choosing her words carefully. “i never got to know him. i mean, really, get to know him. he’s changed a lot and i guess i got a bit confused. the steve who was hanging out with carol and tommy h and threw parties, is not the same steve that would throw himself in front a bullet to save, god forbid, dustin henderson. and while i like this new version of him, i don’t see us to be compatible. so, to answer your question, no i do not feel the same. i still love jonathan and i know there’s a part of me that always will no matter what happens.”
mike nodded but remained quiet. going to his sister for some sort of advice was one of his last resorts and sitting on her bed now, mike almost felt vulnerable.
“why do you ask all this?” nancy then says when mike never replies.
“i broke up with el,” mike blurts out quicker than his brain get to process it. to mikes surprise, nancy didn’t seem too shocked with his announcement. then again, mike knew el hadn’t been around the past few months. they had tried acting normal around their friends and family, but truth was they hadn’t had a full conversation in months.
nancy just sighed as she softly spoke, “i figured as much. you two haven’t exactly been subtle.” mike frowned but did agree. he never talked about her anymore, never excused himself to see el, never stayed up late on the phone giggling as he talked with her. all of that was gone. no wonder nancy figured it out.
“i didn’t want to pry,” nancy continued. “but since you told me now, what happened?”
mike suddenly was filled with an intense force of panic. he looked to his hands, fingers long and slender and coated in sweat. he was here for this one reason, but he had no idea how nancy would react being faced with the truth. however, mike was tired of running. he was tired of hiding in the shadow of the truth.
“i guess,” mike began shakily, “i fell out of love with el a long time ago. or, i never was in love with her. i love her, a lot, just not like that.” when nancy didn’t butt in, mike continued in one breath.
“we never really got to know each other. our relationship had its ups and downs, like any relationship, but at the end of the day i didn’t know her. i didn’t know her favourite colour, animal or movie. i didn’t know if she liked to wear dresses or pants, if she liked her hair up or down. and i guess she didn’t know me either. i could put on the cure and she would frown and call it stupid. i don’t blame her, though. i could never. truth is, she came to me in a moment of confusion. we were looking for will but there she was, in a too big tee and drenched in the pouring rain. i immediately felt drawn to her, but it wasn’t love. i’m not entirely sure what it was, but i know i wanted to be close with her.
“after she got back after living in the woods with hopper, and we started dating, things became a whole lot different. we saw each other every day for months on end. we kissed, hugged, cuddled but that was that. and then she moved. away from all this crap. away from me. meeting her again should have made me happy. instead it made me confused. i realised i no longer felt what i might have once felt. i had to be pushed to say that i loved her. thats not love, is it?”
mike fell quiet, his throat dry as his eyes fell to his hands. it was almost as a relief blurting it all out like this, with no intentions to stop. and once he did, nancy softly spoke next to him.
“i guess i can sort of understand what you mean?” she stared off into space as if reminiscing.
“you do?” mike frowned.
“in my last few months of dating steve, i had a really hard time telling him i loved him. it felt like a lie each time that i did.” she looked to her brother. “like he was moments away from realising it was all a lie.” mike got what she meant, and maybe he would’ve have left it at that, but that gnawing feeling just wouldn’t go away.
“there’s something else,” mike said before he got stop. “i think… i think i like someone else.”
nancys eyes burst open as she blurted, “who?” then she narrowed her eyes. “is it max?”
“oh god no,” mike frowned but realised the disrespect. “i think lucas would kill me first of all…”
nancy nodded. “is it robin? it’s not dustin’s girlfriend is it? susan?”
“suzie. and no. it’s not either of them.”
“then..?”
mike wasn’t sure where to begin. he had practiced this half a million times in the basement. he’s written down notebooks full of ideas on how the perfect way to tell his sister would go. he had even predicted her reactions. but sitting in front of her now, about to face the terrifying truth, was a bit different than talking into his mirror.
“i’m different,” mike began. great start, he thought but didn’t back down. “like, i’m not like everyone else.”
nancy almost laughed. “i know that. everyone does. no normal teenager would still be playing dnd with his childhood friends like his life mattered on it.” mike pretended he didn’t take the comment to heart as he shook his head.
“ha ha. i’m serious, nancy. i don’t like what i’m supposed to like. i think there’s something wrong with me.”
nancy was quiet. too quiet. mike had been so close to saying it, but the words seemed clued to the dry roof of his mouth. he was stuck.
“will,” was all nancy said before mike felt the tears coming. he didn’t break down or wail like he feared he would. he simply let the tears crawl across his cheeks and fall off his chin onto his cold hands. nancy didn’t speak, didn’t say anything, yet when she put her hands over his, that spoke more than a thousand words. it was okay.
“you know,” nancy said after a few minutes had passed. mike had wiped his cheeks and looked at her with glossy eyes. “me and barb used to give each other kissing lessons.”
“what?” mike couldn’t help muffle a laugh.
“i’m serious,” nancy smiled at the memory. “it was in middle school when all our other classmates were getting their first boyfriends and girlfriends. sarah b. could not stop bragging about having the best boyfriend who kissed amazingly. me and barb - who had never even held another boys hand - were curious to how it felt and how you did it. we didn’t think much of it when we spent whole afternoons kissing and pecking each others lips and hands.” she chuckled briefly then sighed. nancy rarely talked about barb, and this memory must have been more special than most.
“i was her first and last kiss,” nancy finished, sadness flashing in her eyes. mike just nodded. he had imagined him and will like doing that, even as kids, but had never dared to ask.
“have you talked with him? with will?” nancy then asked.
“no,” mike sighed. “i- i wouldn’t even know where to start. i’ve known him all my life. i think i would rather live in the shadow than being rejected.”
“oh you won’t be,” nancy almost laughed. “i’ve seen how he looks at you. it might not be love, but it’s different. he’s not lucas or dustin. he’s will. and he’s always been different to you. special. i believe you’re special to him too.” she paused, smiling brightly. “the best you can do is try.”
suddenly there was a commotion downstairs and muffled voices sprang to nancys room. mike immediately recognised the voice of jonathan. he threw his sister a look of understanding: the plan was set in motion.