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"Lan Zhaaaaan. Are we not lost?"
"We're not. Wei Ying. Keep driving straight for 10 km."
"There's no road ahead! We are in the woods!!"
"Don't be dramatic."
"How dare you?! This is not a road! Bumpy! No asphalt! Only grovels. And extremely narrow! Don't you feel sorry for my ass? I bet my ass-cheeks are blushing!"
"I bring ointment. Will help Wei Ying."
"Fuck! I don't need your help to rub my own ass."
"Suit yourself."
"If she was as good as the title Madame Yu gave her, why can't she afford my plane ticket? Why do I have to travel 1031 km in this rubbish car just to meet my prosperous and influential future bride?! Prosperous and influential, my ass! Madame Yu could have chosen other adjective, such as... pretty... or smart ….or kind... Noooo.... she might as well said that she is ugly, stupid, and annoying."
"Do not speak ill of others."
"Lan Zhan! Let me vent! I was forced to marry her to save the Jiangs from bankruptcy!"
"Wei Ying..."
"Don't you Wei Ying me, Lan Zhan! Stop pitying me!"
"Wei Ying gave me too much credit."
"Why else would you want to be stuck with me for a 13 hour ride?"
"Wei Ying asked."
"Just because I asked?"
"Wei Ying can ask and see if I ever deny you anything."
"Aaawww. Lan Zhan... stopppp!!! You told me not to flirt too much! Yet you are making my heart stop! Give me a warning before you say something sweet!"
"Mn."
"Seriously, though. Not that I'm not grateful, but what do you gain from this trip except for the enjoyment of my sunny disposition? And free supply of joke?"
"I'd do anything for free supply of joke."
"Hahahahahahaa.... you are so funny!!! That's why you're the best. And you are the one who will stand by me as my best man!"
"I am honored."
"You don't look honored."
"Isn't Jiang Cheng your best man?"
"Humph!!! The Wang family specifically asked to arrange the marriage between the Jiang's heir and their daughter. It should have been A-Cheng driving and cursing to meet his prosperous and influential bride. But nooooo...... Wang Lingjiao saw my photo and decided that it was going to be me! I bet Madame Yu photoshopped my photo!"
"Wei Ying is the best person in the planet."
"Lan Zhan! Lying is forbidden!!!"
"Mn. Not lying.
Wei Ying is more beautiful than Jiang Cheng. Wei Ying is a genius who thinks beyond human's scope, making everything that comes out of his mouth interesting. Wei Ying is kind to a tee, stupid enough to sacrifice himself for others."
"Did you just call me stupid?"
"I also called you beautiful, smart, and kind. All the adjectives needed from a potential bride."
"Savage!"
"Wang Lingjiao is extremely lucky to be marrying you."
"Don't cheer me up. It is beneath you to support this kind of behavior. Madame Yu specifically ordered me to sacrifice my virginity on this trip to secure the financial agreement between the two families."
"No amount of money is sufficient to buy Wei Ying's virginity."
"Aaawww, Lan Zhan!!! I wish I could lose my virginity to you instead."
"..."
"OMG, Lan Zhan!!!! What if I can't get 'it' up?"
"Does Wei Ying have this kind of problem?"
"Hell, no!! 'It' is working fine if I fantasize about y-. Anyway, mine is good. Better size than A-Cheng but not as glorious as yours."
"Wei Ying has a habit of checking others’ dick size."
"W-what??? No!! A-Cheng and I are brothers. It is inevitable!! We showered together!"
"How and when did Wei Ying find out about mine? We never showered together."
"Ah.. hahahaha.. let's not be awkward. The dick was supposed to be a joke. You need not interrogate me."
"I hope it's not because Wei Ying saw me having a boner before."
"Well...."
"When?"
"You were drunk...."
"I see."
"Okay, I was guilty!!! I forced you to take a sip of my wine!"
"I blame myself for having low alcohol tolerance."
"Ah, Lan Zhan... If only you can drink.... I would take you to a bar, got wasted, and miss my appointment. Maybe she will dump me."
"I can accompany Wei Ying."
"Silly Lan Zhan.... I am just desperate to run away from this transactional marriage. Don't judge me…. It's just a wistful thinking."
"Mn."
"Don't blame Madame Yu. The Jiangs are desperate."
"They could have gone to the Lans."
"Will the Lans pay for my hand in marriage?"
"Handsomely."
"Haha... Stop joking. You will never be my prosperous and influential husband."
"Why not?"
"Anybody would be lucky to marry you, Young master Lan, you are perfect. But you only deserve the best."
"How am I perfect?"
"You're a Lan. You got all Lan's advantages. Super handsome, extremely loaded, excellent posture, awesome brain, an upright citizen.
Then you are the Lan Zhan, a faithful friend, funny with a dark humor, protective, will break your own rules if it's against your conscience, brave, and own the biggest dick I've seen. And I watch porns plenty.
So it says a lot!"
"..."
"Stop staring, ah!"
"Only Wei Ying thinks of me like that."
"You've never given others the same privilege."
"Nobody wanted to be my friend. Wei Ying is special. As I said, kind to a tee."
"Don't be sappy, Lan Zhan. You're going to make me cry."
"Mn."
"Lan Zhaaaannn, change destination. Find a MacDonald. I crave french fries, coke and apple pie, ASAP!"
"..."
"What's with that look?"
"There is no reception."
"Aiiishhhh!!! How long ago did we lose signal? Have you been telling me to drive blindly? Lan Zhan, you're supposed to be the navigator!"
"There is only one road. Based on the map I saw earlier, the radius of this circular wood is 7 km. Thus if we keep on going straight for 14 km, we will find the main road. We have driven approximately 4 km, therefore…"
"Lan Zhan!!! Please keep talking maths to me. I love hearing your deep bass voice!"
"Ridiculous!"
"Our speed is 5 kmh. It'll take two hours to reach the main road. Blame it on this trashy car."
"More time to enjoy Wei Ying's sunny disposition."
"You're so funny!! A-Cheng never believed me. 'If that ice cube is funny, then you are thinking with your dick!' - his words!"
"Your brother is not funny."
"See? You're hilarious!"
"Uh-oh... "
"Wei Ying?"
"Can we go back instead? Take a U-turn? I'll drive the 4 km back… I don't think…"
"..."
"What!! You didn't tell me we lost the phone signal. So I didn't tell you that we are driving with a low tank!"
"..."
"Stop it, Lan Zhan!"
"I said nothing."
"But you're scolding me in your mind. I can tell from the way you exhaled just now."
"I merely showed my concern."
"You weren't scolding me?"
"Answering that question would be unwise."
"That's basically a confirmation."
"Mn."
"So... U-turn?"
"There's a gas station right before the motel 5 km back."
"That SEKS motel with the open lips as its sign?"
"The Snuggle Embrace Kiss Suibian motel. They have a wedding chapel."
"I'd hold my wedding there."
"I figured. Wei Ying will brag about the name of his wedding venue."
"Hey, in my defense, these people are very creative to come up with that name! Imagine their honeymoon suite!"
"I guessed correctly."
"Do you think my prosperous and influential bride will agree to elope with me and perform our wedding vows there?"
"Wei Ying…."
"You're scolding me again, Lan Zhan! I don't want to marry my prosperous and influential bride! I regret saying yes to Madame Yu!
But I was heartbroken! I have liked someone for years but that person does not return my feelings!"
"Wei Ying… likes someone?"
"Everyone likes someone! Even you."
"Who do I like?"
"MianMian?"
"..."
"Don't glare at me!"
"Then stop being stupid."
"Am I wrong? Your boner was because of her. "
"Ms. Luo is my secretary. I don't harbor any personal feelings for her."
"She is indeed very attractive. She is even better than my prosperous and influential bride. She is smart and kind, too, despite her straightforward demeanor. She has been your secretary for years. Even if you have no feelings for her, you were aroused."
"She was not the focus of my alcohol-adled brain when I supported that boner."
"You couldn't even remember anything from that night. Trust me! I was carrying you on my back. I knew exactly when that giant hit my ass."
"I rest my case."
"Huh?"
"Think for yourself."
"..."
"..."
"So?"
"???"
"You're not gonna tell me who you like? I thought you were my best man!"
"I don't have to tell you about my crush."
"It's just a crush?"
"No."
"..."
"I love that person."
"Oh wow.... Wow.... I am speechless."
"..."
"..."
"Are you okay? Wei Ying looks shock. Please stop the car."
"..."
"Wei Ying, stop being stubborn. There is a broken tree trunk ahead. You must stop now."
"You truly love someone? That's deep. Why have I never known? What kind of a friend am I? "
"I hid it from Wei Ying."
"..."
"Wei Ying, I know we are driving so slow... but please look ahead. Stop looking at me."
"Who!"
"I can't tell you."
"Come on, Lan Zhan!! Spill!! You are making me nervous."
"Why?"
"Because... because.... I can... help you, that's why. I can help you chase her!"
"It's a boy."
"A boy?"
"Mn."
"That's it? No other clues?"
"Isn't Wei Ying surprised?"
"OMG.... Am I the first person you came out to? I should have been more supportive!”
"..."
"Lan Zhan, it's okay to be gay.... I-"
"Xichen-Ge knows."
"Oh, thank God, I really don't know what to say to you. Things that are crossing my mind right now is not.. hmm.. not decent, for lack of better word."
"Shameless!"
"Your ears are red. You can't say that you don't share my thoughts."
"My pornographic fantasy is quite advanced."
"..."
"That's very informative."
"Wei Ying's sarcasm doesn't work on me."
"..."
"..."
"I can't find a space big enough to U-turn. I think the universe is supporting my will to jilt her. Lost in the woods, empty tank, no signal. If I come back three months later, claiming that the corpses in the woods try to eat us, are you going to back me up?"
"We have established that I'd never deny Wei Ying anything."
"You won't deny me? Even if I make an impossible request?"
"Living with you in the woods for three months is not an impossible request."
"Why? Because I asked?"
"Mn."
”Just admit you love me already!”
“I admit.”
"Platonically?"
"..."
"Platonically, Lan Zhan?"
"..."
"Answer me, damn it!
Do you love me like 'I want to get out of the car and fuck Wei Ying behind the bushes' or do you love me like 'He is my best friend. I will be his best man even if he marries that prosperous and influential bride!"
"..."
"Lan Zhan!!! Answer me or I swear to God I will hit this car against a tree and keep you here for three mo…"
"That's not a threat."
"Seriously? You know I am crazy enough to do this."
"We can walk back to SEKS motel. It's only 4 km away."
"..."
"..."
"You will figure out a way to bail us out even after I deliberately put us in trouble."
"No. I am willing to be troubled by Wei Ying. If you don't want to get out of the woods, that's fine, too."
"If everything is fine, then I will let you choose. We can sleep in the woods. We can also sleep in the motel. We can continue the journey. We can return home. We can cancel the wedding. We can even ask the Lans family if they will let me marry you."
"Will you?"
"What?"
"Marry me?"
"..."
"I love Wei Ying."
"..."
"Wei Ying? I apologi…"
"You're fired!"
"???"
"You can't be my best man. A-Cheng will get that job."
"I…"
"The future boyfriend position is open, though?"
"..."
"..."
"No."
"No?"
"I proposed. I want to be Wei Ying's prosperous and influential husband."
"Shameless! You just want to buy my virginity!"
"I can't disappoint Madame Yu. We have to secure the agreement."
"Oh?"
"You said I deserved the best. In my eyes, Wei Ying is the best person in this planet."
“You told me that.”
”Also, Wei Ying is beautiful, smart, and kind. My kind of bride.”
"Lan Zhan! I told you to warn me! My heart can't take it!"
"I have certification in first aid. Including CPR."
"Kiss me now! I don't want my first kiss to be caused by heart palpitations!"
"We can wait until Wei Ying stop the car."
"No!!! You still want to wait?"
"I've waited for a very long time. It's okay to wait for another 1 minute. We have to practice safety."
"How long have you liked me?"
"First day I met Wei Ying."
"Lan Zhan!!!"
"..."
"Shit!! I think I just ran over something! Is it a rabbit?"
"No. It was a broken tree trunk. Speaking of trunk, where is the Jiang-Wang financial agreement?"
"I am warning you. There's a clausal about 'no refund'.”
"I'll triple the amount."
"You're so hot, Lan Zhan!"
"Mn. Stop the car, Wei Ying."
"I'll let you realize your advanced pornographic fantasy behind the bushes now. But later we will take a U-turn! I don't care if I have to hit several trees and bump this fucking car! I need to immediately marry you in the SEKS motel.”
"Mark your words."