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As a rational person, Alver doesn’t believe in ‘love at first sight’.
He believes that the furthest thing can happen when you first meet someone is deep attraction. People just tend to romanticize and misunderstand those feeling as love.
“Two iced americano for here, please. And a slice of carrot cake.”
The man in front of him says with a stoic face. He has nice black hair, and a nice shaped nose, with full but chapped lips. His cheeks are rosy due the cold weather in the early spring. He has a shooting voice, softer than butter, contrast with the sharp gaze of his brown eyes. Alver stares at those eyes and finds a hint of red in the brown, a color like burnt umber.
Thump. Thump.
Alver feel his heart beats faster. Did he have too much caffeine today? Alver’s hand unconsciously clutches to his chest. Thump. Thump.
The man blinks and fakes a cough, leading Alver to snap from his trance.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m sorry. That would be 98 gallons. Would you like to pay in cash, credit, or debit?”
The man hands him a debit card without saying a word. Alver glances at the silver band on his fourth finger.
“May I know your name, Sir? For the coffee.”
And for my records. Alver thinks. His heart is still beating so loud it's distracting.
“Kim Roksu.”
“Alright. Mr. Roksu, your coffee will be done in five minutes."
Alver flashes his most charming smiles that always successfully swoon the customer, man or woman, young or elder. Though it seems like it isn’t working on this man–he only nods before he turns away without batting an eye.
Alver's eyes following him as he walks to the table in one of the shop corners, the one beside the big window, where another man with black hair sits. It’s too far to see if the other man’s ring finger is wearing the same silver ring or not. But then the sunlight seep in through the window fall onto Kim Roksu's figure and Alver instanly forgets the whole ring thing. Screw that. He is mesmerized by the view.
That day marks the day Alver eats his own words for the first time.
I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
After that day, Kim Roksu came again several times and always with the same man. He is wearing the same ring, so they must be lovers
At one point, they are already a regular. They usually come for take away coffee at lunch, and they come for hang out in the afternoon every weekend. They always sit at the same table, the one in the corner that are more private than the other seats but pretty near to the bar. A perfect place Alver can steal a glance every here and then without causing suspicion.
One day, they come in the night after dinner time. Again, Kim Roksu is the one who orders–not like Alver complains. Alver loves to hear him order another two glasses of americano and cakes in his deep and charming voice. It send shivers down his body.
"I'll have two caffé latte, one with extra sugar."
"Right away. Please wait in your seat, I'll bring your order to you." Alver says, as he practically smiles ear to ear. Another blessed day. He hopes Kim Rokso's companion never comes to order.
Kim Roksu nods and smiles politely. He walks back to his seat. Alver steals a glance at them while waiting for the milk to steam. Kim Roksu is listening to whatever things his companion talks about. His stoic face doesn't budge, but Alver knows he pays attention to the smallest detail on his companion's expression.
And then a kiss, but more than this
His companion grins and he leans in to kiss Roksu's cheek. Alver eyes widens before the glass counter, as he is in the middle of placing the last earl-gray madeleine into a plate. Alver can see Roksu's eyes also widens, and then his head turns left and right to make sure no one sees them.
His companion's laughs and ruffles Roksu's hair, as the said man looks annoyed and and push the hand on his head away. But Alver can see his red ears. Kim Roksu likes it.
Well, who wouldn't like a surprise kiss from their loved one?
"Your caffé latte, one with extra sugar. And madeleine, on the house." Alver says as he places the drinks and cake on the tables. He peeks at Roksu and feels his heart is beating loudly again.
So he can make that kind of expression.
"Thank you. You don't have to." The companion's laugh makes Alver turns his head to him. Alver smiles. "Don't mind it. You guys are already my regular. Please enjoy."
Alver nods and glances for the last time at Roksu in this close distance–he purposely turns by the man's direction–before he walks back to his supposed place. Behind the counter, a clear line between him and them, as a barista and customers.
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
"It's hot outside, isn't it?" Alver asks. It's another scorching day of midsummer. Roksu come in with his face looks flushed by the heat. Black strands of hair stick on his forehead, and a drop of sweat falls on his glistening neck.
Kim Roksu somehow managed to make himself in this humid, hot, and draining weather even more attractive than before. Especially since he finally wears something aside from the usual black attire from head to toe. His outfit today is a sage green shirt paired with black capri pants. He is showing off his skin more than usual. The short sleeve made Roksu shows his toned arm, covered in some scars, probably from his time in the military.
Alver blushes when he feels something down there on his body is reacting to the view.
"Yeah. Alver, your face is red, maybe you should take a break and cool yourself down." Kim Roksu says with a worried hint. Since last spring, they have slowly become friends acquaintances, and even engage in small talks everytime Roksu orders something.
"Well, I've been feeling under the weather, but I'm alright." Alver lies. Calm down. He then starts babbling about blackberry and lemon in the new summer special blend to distract himself.
"Have something more sweet?" Roksu asks.
"I would love to try that blackberry lemonade, though." Another voice meddles in. Roksu turns his head around and his stoic face brightens as he sees his companion. "Hyung. You're earlier." Roksu utters in his calm voice, but Alver can sense a tinge of excitement. His companion laughs and says something Alver doesn't care about.
I wish you health and more than wealth
They order some seasonal menu, and the line gets longer behind them. The companion pays and Roksu moves to the end of the counter to bring their drinks and food. "Can I ask for more napkins?" the companion says, to which Alver smiles and hands him the goods. Roksu waits patiently, hands full with the tray of their order Alver's employee gives him.
As Alver serves the next customer, the corner of his eyes catches the sight of Roksu's lover gently pats Roksu's wet forehead with the napkin on their way to the tables. His loving eyes glued to Roksu, not minding people around them stealing glances at the overly intimate gesture.
"Uwoh. Did you check the men before us? They're hot hot ." One of the customers whispers, and Alver is close enough to eavesdrop.
"But don't you think they're too close to each other?" Her friend wonders. Both of them gasp. "Perhaps..?"
"Well, they look so good together."
Alver feels like a bucket of cold water splashes on his face and his body is cooling down.
Right, they look so good together. They are in love with each other. He has to stop this growing feeling.
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
Before Alver knows it, it's already fall.
"Do you have a recommendation?" Kim Roksu asks as he reads the seasonal menu on top of the counter with a serious face. Alver happily replies, pointing at some picture and explains the taste. Roksu leans in to choose, and at this angle Alver can see some dry leaves sticking on Roksu's hair. He reaches out to shrug it off–but halts midway.
"There's dry leaves on your hair." He says instead.
Roksu finishes ordering and sits on the bar stool on the long table, right next to the counter. At this seat, Alver can occasionally talk to the customer when there's no one ordering.
"Are you coming alone again?" Alver asks, he places Roksu's order and rests his elbow on the table. These days, Roksu oftenly visits the shop alone on weekdays, working on something on his laptop from afternoon until closing time.
Roksu snickers. He is getting more comfortable around Alver. He talks a lot now and Alver can see more of his expression–or more like, Alver can distinguish the kind of expression subtly shown in his stoic face. Turns out that Roksu has a mischievous side and can be a bit smug, but that makes him more endearing to Alver.
"Yup. He cancels at the last minute."
Are they breaking up?
"Duty calls. I'm going to check on him after this, though."
Of course not.
That you and I could never be
Alver fake a laugh smoothly. Being cheerful even when he's dying inside is his strong suit. "Your man is kinda busy, huh?"
"He's preparing for the new script for this winter play. It premieres next week." Roksu takes a sip of his americano. "He's going to be all busy by the end of the year."
Like Alver cares what Roksu's lover does.
"You are always welcome here, whether to work or hang out with me."
"Thanks. I don't usually work around people. But since it's comfortable around you and this place, it's not so bad to write here."
Alver's heart skips a bit ( Roksu is comfortable around me? ) He feels stupid about that. He's not a highschooler, damn.
Roksu flashes a quick grin before he takes a bite of his cake. "Besides, Soo-hyuk hyung always tells me to go out more. He said I'm spending too much time in my workroom.."
Alver smiles as whatever talk about this Soo-hyuk coming in and out instantly in his ear. He just loves to hear Roksu's calm voice, sometimes laced with harsh tone, but it all like music to his ears. Don't start on how Alver feels about his laughs and chuckles, it's rare, and it's like a ringing bell of heaven..
Oh, stop it .
Roksu always has this gentle face when he's talking about Soo-hyuk. Even when his voice gets harsher when he complains about Soo-hyuk's antics, his longing eyes tell Alver that Roksu loves the man so much.
There's no way he has a chance, and he has no plan to step between them. At this point, all he can do is to treasure every moment he can get with the man.
So, with my best, my very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
"Oh, you are still here?!"
Alver is going to turn the sign from "OPEN" to "CLOSE" when he notices Roksu has been standing outside the coffee shop. His nose is red from the cold, and he places his hand on his mouth, occasionally blowing hot breath to warm his fingertips.
"Why didn't you tell me you are waiting for Soo-hyuk hyung?" Alver's eyebrow furrows. He grabs Roksu's coat and drags him inside. He wishes he could grab Roksu's hand instead, to envelop it with his own warmth, but that would cross the line.
"Well, you are closing."
A cozy fire to keep you warm
"Yeah, but you can sit while I'm cleaning the counter. There's plenty of chairs that don't need to be tidied up, you know." Alver scolds Roksu. He pushes the man firmly to sit on one of the sofas. Roksu laughs. "Why are you so worked up? I'm not going to freeze with just a little bit of cold wind."
"Still, it's been a pretty harsh winter. It's almost March, but the temperature is still below 10 degrees. Wait here. I'll whip up some hot chocolate for you."
"Don't bother." Roksu says. He pats the chair beside him. "Just sit here and chat until Soo-hyuk comes. He won't take long."
Alver takes this chance to talk about Roksu's newest book. The man scrunches his face when Alver is talking excitedly about some particular scenes he finds so amusing, but there's some satisfaction in his expression.
"The last arc made me cry in a river. Man, I hate open ending, but you did a great job at how you write it." Alver concludes his review. "You are such an amazing writer, Roksu."
One thing Alver knows is Roksu is not good at receiving compliments. He likes to brush it off. "There are better books out there, though. I just barely scraped anything in my jumbled brain."
"But still, your work can make someone feel a lot of emotion. That's good writing."
Alver smiles as he can tell Roksu's getting more flustered. Him from last year wouldn't know the difference between a stoic Roksu and flustered stoic Roksu, but he is almost an expert at reading Roksu's expression now.
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
The bell at the shop's door ring and Lee Soo-hyuk walks into the store. "Hello. I saw you two from outside, so I just barged in."
"Ooh, someone's flustered. What are you guys talking about?" Soo-hyuk chuckles when he sees his lover's face. He ruffles Roksu's hair and his ears instantly turn red. Roksu covers it by doing the same to Soo-hyuk's head. "Is it snowing outside? Your hair is wet."
Of course, Soo-hyuk is the ultimate expert if it comes to Roksu. Alver stares at them as they bicker about something he can't grasp. Finally, they are ready to leave.
"Sorry for making you wait. Thanks for accompanying him, Alver."
Alver nods. The couple abide their goodbye, and Alver's eyes follow them out. Roksu leans into Soo-hyuk's side, and the man then puts his hand on his shoulder to keep him closer. They walk into the night, and at one point, Alver catches them stop and embrace each other in the dim of street light. Alver stares as the silhouettes of the slightly shorter man kisses the other's forehead.
It sure is a cold and lonely February.
I wish you love
(I wish you love)
"Long time no see."
Alver welcomes the black haired man, who smiles at him as he folds his umbrella. He put his umbrella in the rack and dry his shoes on the doormat before he walks in.
"We've been busy. Suggest me something?"
"I think spiced latte and opera cake will be perfect after running in the rain."
"I'll take that." Roksu takes a seat in his usual place whenever he comes alone. He takes out laptop from his backpack and starts working. "I'm going to hang out for a bit."
"Sure." Alver smiles and places Roksu's order on the table. Roksu nods a thank you and takes a bite of the chocolate cake. He looks tired, but strangely, more excited than usual.
"Did something good happen?"
Roksu grins. He pulls out a white envelope with elegant design from his backpack pocket. "Our invitation. For you."
Alver feels his heart drop.
Wiping his sweaty hands to his black apron, Alver takes the envelope with hesitation. He pulls out the card inside. His feelings break along with every sentence he reads.
"Congratulations."
Alver hopes his voice doesn't crack. He tries to smile as genuine as possible. He focuses on the smiling Roksu. That's why they have been busy. That's why even though his complexion paler, his eyes practically shine with excitement and happiness.
"Thank you for inviting me."
He's not thankful at all.
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
Two weeks later, Alver attends the wedding ceremony.
For the first time Alver sees the most beautiful and brightest appearance of Kim Roksu. His lips keep involuntarily tugs upward in a joyful smile. He stares at his lover in lovestruck gaze, and the other gives him the same loving eyes.
Alver gives them the best wishes of a happy life.
So, with my best, my very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
"Waiting again?" Alver asks as he puts a glass of hot chocolate in front of Roksu. He is glued to his tablet, looks serious while scrolling anything on the gadget. "Wow. Thanks. It's on the house?" Roksu flashes his smug little smile.
Alver chuckles. "Sure."
"Do you remember last year when you're waiting in front of the cafe? You don't want to bother me when I was closing up."
"And now I'm here even after closing, shamelessly asking for free chocolate." Roksu laughs.
Alver also laughs. "Well, it's nothing. Also, how can I miss the chance to have a late night talk with my favorite author."
"Late night talk my ass. We're barely talking about my books."
"It's because you don't want me to talk about them!" Alver sighs. "What kind of author doesn't like to chat with his readers?"
"Whatever."
Roksu busy himself again with his tablet. Alver stares at him. His black hair, his nose bridge, his full (now healthy) lips. His burnt umber eyes. His shooting voices. His shit-eating grin. Even the way he sneezes. After a year, Alver finds all of Roksu are even more beautiful.
The more he knows about Roksu, the more Alver feels he falls in love deeper. And the more Alver knows that it's stupid to maintain this feeling.
They are friends to the point they can bicker now, and Alver is content with that.
Well, at least he's trying to be.
A cozy fire to keep you warm
"Oh. It's the first snow of the year." Alver says. Roksu lifts his head and looks out the window. They watch the white things fall slowly, and soon, the roads are covered by melting snow.
"You know, in Korea, there is a superstition that if you witness the first snowfall with the person you like, love will blossom between you and them. And your love will be long-lasting."
Roksu blurts. Alver stares at him in awe.
"It's romantic."
"It's silly."
They speak at the same time, and then burst out laughing. "What the hell." Alver wipes his tears, faking it as a laugh’s tear. Seeing the snow make him a little bit emotional. It's been two years since he knew Roksu. Feeling all giddy when the man visits his shop, excited with all the small talk, and flustered at the sight of the man smiling and laughing.
He is letting it all go now.
"You know, this first snow thing reminds me of the time Soo-hyuk asked me out." Roksu says as he's looking at the distance. "He dragged me on a date everytime the weather forecast said it was going to snow. He was waiting for the first snow."
Alver stares at Roksu.
"He finally asked me out on our fourth date that winter." Roksu finally says with a laugh. There's a usual gentle and loving gaze on his eyes, the one he always shows whenever he talks about Soo-hyuk. "He's so silly."
"I think it's pretty romantic." Alver forces a smile. The silly one would be him, ain't it? He witnesses the first snow with the one he likes, but his love will never come true. If Alver knew Roksu earlier, could he take Soo-hyuk's place instead?
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
Soo-hyuk comes when it's almost midnight. He apologizes to them, and more to Alver, because once again Soo-hyuk made him wait until late at night when Alver can actually go home at 10. Alver shrugs it off, saying it's no problem and he's having fun spending time with Roksu–as friends. Roksu nods and he walks away. Alver sees Soo-hyuk gently holding Roksu's hand and putting their joined hand into his coat pocket.
Alver stares at Roksu for the last time. The man is laughing at whatever joke Soo-hyuk throws.
Alver smiles and turns his head to the night sky, and he unconsciously lifts his hand as he stares at the falling snowflakes. A drop of white things land gently on his palm and soon melt by the warmth of his hand.
Maybe in the next first snow he will find his true love.
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
Someone bumps into him and it snaps him out from his emotional and dramatic trance. Alver turns around and sees a man, with his flushed face matches his deep red hair. He reeks alcohol.
"Sorry, I tripped." He says nonchalantly. He looks drunk, but then he walks away in steady steps. Alver chuckles. "It's okay." He finally says, but the man is already too far. Well, it's not like he cares.
Alver moves his legs to walk. It's time to go home.
I wish you love, love, love