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'Estel' Elrond smiled as I walked over the bridge to Imladris. I could not believe he still kept to meeting me when I arrived, even though it had been about twenty years since the last time I was here. The familiarity of it made me want to smile, and believe that everything would be as before. I wanted to believe that he had forgiven me everything, but I could not. My leaving and keeping away had been childish at best, and downright rude at worst.
'It is Aragorn now, lord Elrond.' I said instead of giving him the smile I so badly wanted to give, and saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes, but he graciously bowed his head in acceptance. How would I ever be able to fix this?
'My apologies, Aragorn. I wish I could welcome you home with good news...' He began and I looked at him, startled.
'Are Elladan and Elrohir all right?' I did not even let him finish. I had known something was wrong when I left the rangers, but I had wished I was wrong.
'Yes.' He said and took a small breath. 'It is Legolas.' I stopped walking and looked at him in horror. I felt the hairs on my body stand up.
'What happened?' Why was it always Legolas? Why was he even in Rivendell?
'He is alive, just barely.' He said and I could not wait, I ran to the Houses of Healing. "Just barely". Legolas has been injured a multitude of times, but to hear that he just barely lived was a first. I had so much to tell him, so much to say. It all flew out the window at Elrond's words, and I just wished to apologize for the stupid way I had acted the last time we had met. Because suddenly, it was more important to fix whatever hurts were between the two of us than my elven family. They could wait where Legolas could not.
As I slammed the doors open I was glared at by everyone in the immediate proximity, but I did not care. I let my eyes search for the one whom I wanted to see, but could not find him. A part of me was insistently telling me that I was too late; he was already gone. I was just about to call out when Elrond came up behind me. He must have ran as well, which scared me, for even in the years I had lived here, I had rarely seen Elrond run.
'With me, Aragorn.'
I followed him into the back, to a more secluded room. Elladan and Elrohir were both there, moving about, cooking water and brewing tea. There was only a small measure of relief to see them. I had not met them for many years, although they had come to the camps of the rangers on occasion. It was nice to see them well, but a rock in my heart was overshadowing everything else. I turned my gaze to look more closely at Legolas; he was sweating, twisting and turning in agony. His eyes were clenched shut in pain, and face was paler than normal, for a wood-elf is already very pale from the darkness of Mirkwood and their caverns. He almost looked translucent.
'Legolas.' I breathed in shock and knelt by his side, careful not to touch him as I did not know where his injury was. I was surprised when he opened his eyes, it was just a crack, and he was still in apparent pain, but he opened them. They looked feverish and glassy, something I had never seen in his eyes before.
'Estel.' He breathed carefully, and I did not correct him. He could call me whatever he wanted if he only continued to speak with me. He smiled softly, and though his lips looked cracked, it was a beautiful smile indeed.
'Had I known I needed to die to see you again, I would have died a long time ago.' He joked, apparently not realizing how his words would affect me. It felt as though a rock giant had grabbed a tight hold of my heart and squeezed. It cut straight to the core. Could I have stopped this if I had been here? Why had I not come back sooner? I forced a smile for him, so as to not bring him any further pain, for his eyes were happy, and yet I could see the hurt that he felt. Had he been in his full senses, he would have noticed the hesitation between his joke and my smile.
'You are not dead!' I said, and accepted the cloth Elladan gave me, and began to bathe Legolas' forehead.
'I am, and I am not.' He said, and I shook my head, and touched my hand against his head. He was warm and there was an immense darkness there, but I could not place it.
'What is wrong with him?' I asked to Elrond, withdrawing my hand. A small tightening of Legolas' eyes told me that he did not appreciate me talking about him rather than to him, but he did not really have the strength to object.
'It is a poison. He has been stabbed through the use of a blade of Morgul. We found the shard, and have been tending to him for weeks, but I fear the poison is not being washed out of his body.'
I shook my head. Just how had he gotten stabbed with a Morgul-blade? This was not supposed to happen, how, and why, had he med with a ring-wraith? I filed the information away to remember to ask about it at a later opportunity, but right now, my focus had to be Legolas. He had been like this for weeks already? The translucency of his skin pointed towards something I really had no wish to dwell on, but I had to ask.
'Will he…? I started, looking up at Elrond in fear. Would he become a wraith?
Elrond shook his head.
'There has been no documented use of such a blade on an elf before, we do not know what will happen if the poison does not wash out soon, but the shard was taken out, and thus there should be nothing left that could turn him to a wraith.'
'Elrond?' Legolas asked then, sounding just a bit frightened and I felt my throat tighten as I tried to hold my own fear at bay. 'My father…?'
'We have sent birds with the message, son. I am sure he will come.' Elrond said, and a small hint of relief went into Legolas' eyes.
'I just have to survive until then, then.' He murmured and twisted in pain. He held his breath as he arched his back before he relaxed, or rather passed out, limply on the bed.
'Adar.' I said pleadingly. It escaped from me unwillingly and I felt Elrond put his hand on my shoulder.
'He has fought a long time, I am not sure how much more will he has got.'
'His spirit is strong.' I argued, but I had seen the fatigue in his eyes, and I was afraid. I was afraid my friend would have to sail. I was afraid he would not even survive the journey to the shores. In fact, why had he not already gone?
'Estel?' Legolas asked again.
'I am here.'
'Good, I was not dreaming.' He smiled. 'Stay?' He asked, and I could not refuse. I had never before seen such fear in his eyes. I had seen him be poisoned, I had seen him half-dead, and I had seen him tortured, but he had never showed such fear. For once, it was I that had to stand strong and watch his back. I was not sure I could against this invisible enemy.
'I always… had someone… to protect, before.' Legolas said through his pain, and I felt a tear fall down my cheek, though I quickly wiped it away. I had not known I had spoken loudly, but when I saw the confused looks on my brothers faces I realized that I hadn't. Legolas had always understood me. Even after more than twenty years apart, he still got me.
'Then protect me again. Legolas, please.' I pleaded.
'Ask not… for things of which… you have no control, Estel.' He muttered and clenched his eyes tightly shut as another bout of pain ran through him. I laid the cloth against his head again.
'There must be something we can do.' I said desperately.
'We have done everything, Estel! Where were you?' Elladan growled angrily, but he deflated quickly. He was so tired, but the words cut straight through me, as efficiently as a blade would have. I might have preferred the blade.
'I am sorry. There is nothing you could have done even if you had been here.' Elladan shook his head, but in his eyes, I saw there was something.
'We are all exhausted, Estel. He has been asking for you constantly.' Elrohir sighed, and put his head in his hands. His words made me choke up once more, but I forced it away this time, not allowing another tear fall past my guard.
'Why? Why would he ask for me now, after how I left? We fought!' I said, again feeling a treacherous tear fall from my eye.
'To say I'm sorry,' said Legolas, and I turned to him in horror. 'I was wrong.'
'No! I am to blame!' I had figured it out already. Why would he say otherwise?
'Argue not!' he said loudly with a small roll of his eyes, making me stop talking. He had to breathe for a while to be able to continue. 'I had no right. Asking you to stay.'
'You had every right!' I interrupted and he glared at me, obviously not wanting to spend strength on telling me to shut it again.
'Your journey is your own.' He looked at me sincerely, but changed it to a glare again when I opened my mouth, making me close it up once more. 'I was pleased, getting to watch you grow. I would have liked to come with you, I cannot deny. But you needed to grow on your own.' He smiled again, but then his smile distorted and he turned himself onto his side and curled up around his pain with a small groan.
Elrond immediately put his hand on Legolas' forehead and spoke words to alleviate his agony, as Elladan held the brew of athelas by Legolas' head, making him breathe in its healing fragrance. He went limp then, and fell into a restless sleep.
'How long exactly?' I asked, turning to look at my family.
'Nearly a month.' I wanted to throw up. It had been nearly a month, in this pain.
'Why did no one send for me?'
'We did! Is that not why you are here? He would not sail without you giving leave!' Elladan all but shouted at me, leaving me utterly confused. Why would he need my permission?
'Some stupid promise…' I heard him mutter and my breath caught in my throat.
'Elladan!' Elrohir said, looking pointedly at me, and Elladan stopped talking.
'I did not get any message.' I said silently. 'I just… needed to be here.' I had had an awful dream. Someone was stabbed with a dark blade, and I had known it was in Imladris I needed to be. I had been resisting the call for a while before I felt it could wait no longer. I had been fearful to go back, for my own selfish reasons. Seeing this, I regretted it. Even if I was with the rangers, that was no reason to forget or forsake my family. Legolas had given me a promise to not sail, that I only had a vague memory of, which I had always thought to be nothing more than a dream. Could it now be that that forgotten promise has killed him, through keeping him here much too long?
'You have the gift of foresight, Aragorn.' Elrond said. 'It is likely this that told you.'
'Had it been of any use, it would have warned me beforehand.'
'Even if it had, you were far away. He does not blame you, and neither do we.' Elrond said determinedly.
'Where's my son?' we heard a loud voice booming through the Houses of Healing then, and Elrond left us to go meet a very distraught king.
When he came into the back room, he froze in the door, face losing any color that he could previously lay claim to.
'Is he…?'
'He still lives.' Elrond said, and the king took a few long strides to reach the side of his son. This normally so cold Elven King would go to practically any length necessary for his son. I had seen proof of this many times in my youth, although he still frightens me. He is tall and regal, with a stern gaze. But right now, he almost looked small. His eyebrows were scrunched together in worry, and his shoulders hunched as he leaned over Legolas' bed. Right now, he was nothing but a worried father, which is scary in its own right.
'Ion-nîn.' Thranduil said softly and stroked the hair of his son. Legolas opened his bleary eyes, blinking a few times to clear them.
'Ada.' He breathed. 'I love you.' He just murmured and closed his eyes again. I had to check his pulse to make sure he had not passed away from us then and there. It was weak, and thready, but it was there.
'Ion-nîn. Wake again, please.' The king said and I frowned as I felt his pulse grow strongerunder my fingers, and the darkness was receding. I waited for a moment, unable to really believe it, but there it was again, his pulse got stronger yet.
'Adar.' I said in amazement. 'He… I think he's healing.'
Elrond took my place then, and hovered his hands over Legolas' arm, where I assumed the stab wound was. Elrond frowned, and moved one hand to rest by Legolas' head. Again he spoke words of healing, and I felt the darkness fall even further back.
'His spirit is healing.' Elrond muttered, in apparent relief and confoundment.
'Do not fool me, Elrond.' King Thranduil said, and I was taken aback by the pleading I saw in his eyes. A barely covered hope showed in his face, and I had never seen him show his feelings so clearly before. He looked vulnerable.
'I am not. You see the spirit-world as well as I do. Look!' He said and the king dared to open his eyes for what lay before him. He began with recoiling, making me wonder just what he could see, but then he sagged in relief.
'It is healing indeed. But he was close.'
'Very close, my friend.' Elrond said, putting a hand upon the king's shoulder.
...
Legolas woke again the next day, weak and weary, but very much alive. His skin was no longer quite as pale as it had been. For my part, I was just hoping that I would not have to ask him to set sail anyways. Wounds from a Morgul-blade were not known for healing successfully.
'Estel?' He said in surprise as he opened his eyes and saw me.
'Hi, Legolas.' I smiled.
'Did I die? I would not have expected you to be in the halls of Mandos, though.' He muttered, confused.
'You have not died, ion-nîn.' Thranduil ensured, and Legolas whipped his head around, a lot quicker than I would have liked. And apparently a lot quicker than he would have liked too, for he winced before he started speaking.
'Adar. I definitely did not expect you.' He muttered in confusion, but then he smiled teasingly. 'Now I know I have died, for neither of you should be in Imladris, which is where I last remember arriving.' Sometime I would very much like to smack Legolas over the head for the inopportune moments that he chose for making morbid jokes, but somehow he was always injured when he did them, and that would truly make me the asshole rather than him.
'We are here, and you are here.' I chuckled instead and Legolas smiled in relief.
'In that case,' he took a deep breath with closed eyes, and when he opened them again, they were shining with happiness, 'I am glad to see you both.'
'Adar, I am sorry for saying such things before leaving. It was silly of me.' He said, looking very much ashamed.
'It is all right.' King Thranduil answered, although I could tell he was mainly humoring his son, happy to still have him here with us. His emotions were as clear as day, and I could not believe that I had ever thought him to not show his feelings. He is like any elf, with deep emotions, but he just guards them more closely.
'You say this only because I nearly died. It is not all right at all. Mother dying was through no fault of yours; it was stupid of me to imply such.' Apparently I had not been the only one to notice Thranduil's state of mind, which gave me even more confidence in Legolas' recovering health.
'I accept your apology, ion-nîn.' Thranduil said with grace, but I could not even imagine the hurt he must have felt at hearing such words from his son. Elladan and Elrohir had told me once what had happened with Legolas' mother, and I figured the king already blamed himself for not having accompanied her for her walk during which she met her demise. He would not need his son to tell him such.
'Estel… Or will you have me call you Aragorn now?' Legolas turned to me and I smiled.
'You are my brother, call my anything you wish.' I said and saw a flash of relief in his eyes, telling me that I had said the right thing.
'I am sorry, Estel, for everything.'
'You told me this yesterday.'
'Then let me tell it now again, when I can remember it.' He chuckled.
'I was afraid, Estel, for myself.' He said and looked down, avoiding my gaze. 'I was afraid you would outgrow me, never to return.'
'Never.' I breathed and we locked eyes. I saw uncertainty and relief in his eyes. I felt as though I was older than Legolas at that moment. But I felt guilty still, for when I had left it had never been in my intention to return. As the years had gone by however, I was missing my family more and more, when I had though that time would make me miss them less and less. Never again would I leave them for so long.
'You have so few years. I selfishly wished to keep them to myself.' Said Legolas, looking down on his hands.
'I have many years yet.' I tried to reassurance. 'And I will not leave like that again. I am sorry also, for trying to cut all ties. You are all my family, and I was not happy, living without you.'
'Thank you, both, for allowing me to come home.' He said, and Thranduil and I glanced at each other, both realizing at the same time that, in the end, it had not only been the poison that had been killing him; it had just hurried the process that grief had started.
Legolas smiled then, trying to stay awake, but he failed, and he fell into a healing sleep.
'So… Legolas can call you Estel?' I heard Elrond's stern voice behind me. I could feel myself blushing as I turned, but chuckled when I saw the small smile on my father's face.
'Forgive me, adar. I was being rash.'
'You are always forgiven, ion-nîn. You can always consider Imladris your home. Never again hesitate to come.'
I looked at him in surprise and thankfulness. I smiled and decided that; how he'd known I had hesitated would remain one of the many mysteries that are Elrond.
All that mattered was one thing.
I was home.