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Sirius Black fell in love at first sight.
Not for the guy with tawny curls, big amber eyes and a thousand freckles all over his face — and don't get Sirius wrong, the guy was truly gorgeous —, but who really caught his eye was the kid on his lap. He saw them nearly every day, the two of them would come in at the same time every day and sit at the same table close to the window.
Today, the little boy had one of his little hands grabbing the corner of the big book his dad was holding in front of him while the tiny fingers on the other one pointed to the pictures.
“And do you know all these stars, Da?" The kid said, shocked.
“Some of them, yes.” He answered. Sirius could hear him speak forever.
“Cool!” Sirius had to fight back the smile growing on his face by the amusement on the boy's voice. “What's the name of this one, then?” The kid challenged. Sirius was just cleaning the table behind them and from the corner of his eye he saw the boy point to one of the galaxies in the pictures.
“This one is a galaxy, it’s called Andromeda.” The boy turned so fast his dad almost let the book fall trying to hold the kid in his lap, he was now facing him with his mouth forming a perfect “O”.
“That’s grandma's name!” The boy said, excited, and Sirius felt his heart melt.
“That’s right, baby.”
“This means she’s really special, right? Because you said that galaxies are bigger than stars.”
He was just too cute for Sirius.
Every day, the two of them would sit with a book, sometimes a fairytale one that his dad would read to him until they finished their snacks — Sirius was not really proud to say that he always did everything he could to be near their table and listen to the stories and the boy’s witty comments, and they never failed to let Sirius heart melt.
“Okay. Oh, this one’s pretty, what is it called, Dad?” He turned back just as fast, short legs everywhere fighting to go back to his initial position. Sirius was leaving, figuring he'd already spent too much time over there, but his eyes went wide as he noticed the boy’s finger pointing to another star.
“That’s my name.” The words came out of his mouth before he could hold them back, before he could think.
As much as he loved watching the kid and his father and being enchanted by them more each day, that was just it. Watching. He was never supposed to open his mouth and actually say something more than “anything else?” after they ordered the same coffee and the same sandwiches. He felt so stupid now, he would do anything to get those words back and keep their routine of not knowing each other. Now not one, but two pairs of big and beautiful amber eyes were staring at him in confusion.
“I’m sorry, what?” The dad asked — Sirius really would kill to know his name.
“Uh, the star he’s pointing at? Its name is also my name.” He said, suddenly embarrassed.
“That’s so cool!” Ted exclaimed, he looked like he could explode from excitement any minute now “What is it?”
“Sirius.” The man said. His name sounded so strange in his deep voice, it made a butterfly do a flip in Sirius' stomach.
“Nice!” The boy smiled widely and Sirius could die happy now.
“Are you serious?”
“Well, I mean…” Sirius chuckled.
“Yeah I should’ve thought it better.” His smile was not as open as the boy’s, but just as beautiful. Maybe talking to them wasn’t so bad after all. “I’m Remus.” He added.
“I'm Teddy.” Sirius brought his attention back to the little one “I wish I had a cool star name like yours.”
“Oh, I think Teddy's a pretty badass name.” He said, obviously without thinking, his eyes went wide as soon as he noticed his mistake “Shit. I'm sorry, can I say things like that? Sorry.” His cheeks were on fire, he was already messing it up, but the man just turned his face to hide his laughter behind his son's head.
“Da says it's a bad word, and I can't say those. But it's ok, sometimes he says bad words too.” The kid assured him.
Sirius opened his mouth to respond but, before he could go on another stupid train of thought, someone (as in Lily Evans, his co-worker) yelled from behind the counter.
“Black! Stop flirting and get your lazy ass over here!”
Teddy giggled.
“Language, Lily! We have kids here!” He said with a smile, not at all meaning it.
“Don't care. We have work to do." Then she left through the kitchen doors.
“Well, it was nice talking to you, but now I gotta go. See you.”
“Byee” Teddy waved.
“Goodbye, starman”
Starman.
Oh, they'd be the death of him.
Teddy didn't let another day pass without calling him and telling all about the book they'd have that day, shaking his legs excitedly on his father's lap, pointing to all the pictures and Sirius went as far as to sit on the other chair, right beside them so he could see the pages Teddy was pointing at. Lily was not exactly pleased, but after a week or two she was starting to give up.
Teddy brought his astronomy book twice after their first conversation.
“It's my favorite book, you have to promise to be really careful.” He said, holding it like it was the most important thing in the world.
Sirius adored him. He felt it when Teddy looked right at his eyes for 30 seconds straight just to make sure he would be careful with his favorite book before allowing his dad to hand it to him (and Remus was shocked, because, apparently, he never did such a thing). Sirius felt it when Teddy jumped from his father's lap to climb onto Sirius', mimicking the position he often was with Remus.
Sirius felt something in the air when Teddy said something really cute and his eyes would immediately seek Remus' only to notice that he was already looking at him, trying to hide his smile. He felt a dozen butterflies in his stomach when Remus made a witty comment or smiled at him. He felt it when he noticed he'd formed a bubble with them and completely forgot about work and the rest of the world until Lily yelled at him and he was obligated to leave them.
“Oh, wait!” Teddy said one day, suddenly.
They were reading fairy tales that day, Teddy in Sirius' lap (it had somehow become a habit) while Remus read to them. Lily had yelled bad words again (though she had been trying to stop, at least when Teddy was around), and Teddy giggled like he always did and muttered complaints when Sirius said “I'll see you tomorrow, little one” before kissing his head and putting him on the floor again. He had just gotten up and was already making his way to the counter when Teddy told him to wait.
“What is it, Ted?” Remus asked, just as confused as Sirius.
“Can he go to my party on Saturday, Da?"
“Ted, I…”
“Are you having a party?” Sirius interrupted.
“Yes! It's my birthday and Da said I could bring two friends. I said I wanted to bring Charlie from school because he is my best friend and you because you're fun and Da likes you too so it's a bonus!” he started to ramble and Sirius had no idea what to say “You can play with me and Charlie if you don't want to talk to other adults because they are no fun, and then I can show you all the stars in my room! So, are you coming?” He looked at him with his eyes full of expectation and Sirius couldn't say no to him even if he wanted to.
But it had been so much and all so sudden.
They'd never met outside of the cafe and they never talked about anything other than books and stars and fairy tales and sometimes the things Teddy did at his school and nothing else.
But he prayed every night for courage to ask them to go do something together without Lily and work interrupting. He wanted it, but he couldn't bring himself to break what they had, he couldn't lose what was already nice.
They've been silent for too long now, they were walking on a fragile line now, anything Sirius said could break it.
“Uh, yeah. I mean, if it's okay with you and your dad, if I'm not going to interrupt anything.” He finally answered, not looking directly at either of them, instead his eyes traveled between Teddy's hair and a point above Remus' shoulder.
“Yes!” Teddy clapped happily “Oh, do you like chocolate? Grandma is making me a big chocolate cake, you'll love it.”
“Okay, baby, breathe now.” Remus said, putting the boy on his lap again, thank god because Teddy was so excited he might explode “Uh, about the party…” He turned to Sirius “It's not a big thing, really, just the family and a couple of friends. If you're sure you wanna come, I can give you my number and send you all the details.”
Sirius had to fight really hard not to smile too much. He'd been looking for an excuse (as well as the courage) to ask for his number for ages.
“Okay, sure. I'll come."
“Black, I swear to god, you have three seconds to be back here or else I'm gonna fire you.” Lily yelled, for the second time that day. But Sirius didn't give a damn.
He had the number of the most beautiful guy he's ever met and he was going to the birthday party of the most amazing child he's ever met. Everything was perfect.
The happiness turned into despair as soon as Sirius came home and really thought about it. He had a receipt with a phone number scribbled on it (and a smiley face!) on one hand, his phone on the other and too many thoughts in his head.
“James, this is a bad idea.” He said for the millionth time.
“No, it's not.” James, as his best friend since they were eleven, had been through this, he knew the process well enough to just repeat the same three words over and over again while making dinner until Sirius put some sense in his head.
“I don't know where he lives." Sirius tried to argue.
“That's why you have his number, so he can tell you."
“I don't have anything to wear"
They were in that phase where Sirius would just come up with ridiculous arguments not to do something he wants to and James would come up with the most obvious solutions.
“Go to the mall with Lily, she'll help you." James said not even looking up from the pan.
“I don't know what to give him."
“Check the previous answer.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don't. You know I'm right.”
“No, I don't.” Sirius chuckled and then sighed “Okay, I'm going to message him."
He got the address, he got the perfect clothes (thanks to Lily that gave both of them the Friday off so they could go shopping), but he still didn't have a present.
“There must be something he likes." She said, tired after walking around the mall for the last five hours “Come on, Sirius, you talk to them every fucking day, and the boy's three years old, what does he like?”
“He's turning five, actually.” Sirius corrected.
“Same thing. What does he like? Cars? Spiderman?"
“Books."
“Isn't he too young to know how to read? Anyway, we can go to the library, then.”
And it finally hit him.
“No. I have a better idea."
Teddy loved books. “When I grow up, They're gonna pay me to read big books and tell kids about them, just like Da!” He said once, his dad was an English teacher. But he loved the stars better.
***
Remus had never fallen in love. Not romantically, not like the characters in his favorite romance books.
But he'd fallen in love at first sight when he saw Teddy. Remus always thought newborns were ugly, but his heart filled with joy and love when he saw the tiny little boy wrapped on a yellow blanket and how could he think it was ugly? Everyday he looked more like him and Remus loved him more.
Since the day he was born it was Remus and Teddy against the world. Remus was used to being a single dad, since Tonks was never really good at parenthood and they agreed he would take care of Ted and she would pay for his education and most things he needed and visit at least once a week and on the weekends. It has been working for almost five years now.
Remus never wanted it to change, he wasn't the kind of person who liked changes, but, all of a sudden his routine was hit by a hurricane and everything changed when he heard those three words.
“That's my name”.
He knew that. Remus went to the same cafe with Ted every fucking day and he watched him wander around with other people's coffees. He was breathtaking and Remus almost couldn't get his eyes off of him (he wouldn't ever admit, but he was one of the reasons Remus chose that coffee shop, apart from the great coffee). Now he looked at him every time Teddy said something he found funny, held Ted like he was his own child, made him laugh telling stories about his star named family and kissed his head every day when he was about to leave.
He had never fallen in love like people did in the books, but he felt closer to it every single day.
He was terrified.
Teddy loved Sirius, he knew it, the boy just wouldn't shut up about the coffee guy with a cool star name. Remus didn't blame him, he too was always disappointed when the redhead behind the counter yelled at him. He wanted to know everything about the other man, and yet he wasn't sure if he existed outside the cafe.
Remus wasn't a fan of change. But Teddy was like a hurricane.
Now Remus was frozen. He wasn't expecting him to actually come. He had opened the front door as soon as the bell rang, Tonks holding Teddy's hand just behind him. As soon as he opened the front door, Remus noticed two things: one, Sirius did exist outside of the cafe; two, if he was breathtaking with his apron he was like a god with tight black pants, a fucking leather jacket and a blinding smile running across his face when Teddy saw him and immediately let go of his mother's hand to jump into his arms without thinking twice, Sirius hugged him in the air and then put him in one of his arms to look at him.
“Hey, birthday boy! How are you? Older?”
“Yes!” Teddy nodded “A whole hand now!” he said, putting five fingers up in front of him for emphasis.
“Wow. That's amazing, you must be so smart now.”
“Oh, he sure is.” Tonks said, making them remember she was still there “I'm Tonks, Teddy's mom."
“I'm Sirius.” He finally looked at her and they shaked hands. Remus felt something shift in the air.
“He's the starman for the cafe, mum.”
“Oh, right. I've heard a lot about you. Come on in, make yourself at home.” She signaled for him to get in and gently pushed Remus out of the way as he was too occupied having a mental crisis to move himself.
“Let me down now, I'll show you the stars in my room.” Sirius put him on the floor and Ted grabbed his hand and pulled him through the apartment.
Remus didn't know what to think.
“You think too much, you know? One of these days your head is gonna explode.” Tonks interrupted his line of thought, bumping her shoulder on his.
“And then you'll say ‘I told you so’.”
“Of course I will.” She laughed “Don't think too hard, just listen to your heart”
“That's a terrible advice."
“I take it back then.”
“Okay. I'm gonna go check on them.”
“Have fun.” She said with a wicked smile and disappeared.
If Remus could take a mental picture of a moment and keep it forever in the back of his mind, he would like to save what he saw when he walked in Teddy's dark room.
Sirius was laid on the tiny bed in the middle of the room with Teddy above him, his head on the man's chest, they were kind of hugging and it was the most cute and domestic thing Remus had ever seen, it made his heart ache.
Ted was pointing at the star stickers that were glowing on the roof, telling Sirius all the names he made up for them. And Remus could see that Sirius was paying so much attention, like it was important for him too.
“Hi, Da. I'm showing Sirius all my stars like I promised.”
Both of them turned to look at him, he felt like a kid who was caught doing something he shouldn't.
“I love all of them.” Sirius said “Oh, I haven't given you your present yet.”
“Oh, you didn't have-"
“Nonsense.” He interrupted, sitting up. “Here, Ted, I hope you like it.” He gave him a big box wrapped on blue paper.
If Remus knew his child at all, he could affirm that he was half a second away from screaming or crying. He tore the wrapping paper apart in the blink of an eye, then gasped loudly looking at whatever the present was.
“Do you like it?” Sirius asked, unsure with Teddy's silence, he was still staring at the box, mesmerized.
Remus took a step closer.
“It's a telescope. A fancy one.” He whispered, then looked at Sirius, astonished “He has been asking for one of those for ages now, it's no surprise he's like this. Baby, say thank you.” He turned to the boy, his voice a little firmer.
Teddy broke out of his trance and put his arms around Sirius' neck.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it so much! Can I play with it now?” He asked, looking at both of them.
“Yeah, okay. But not for too long, okay?” Remus finally said.
“Thank you, Da."
Remus nodded. He didn't know what to feel. He needed air, he might need a drink, he needed Sirius to stop being so fucking kind to his son, because he was falling and there would be no turning back…
His legs led him to the empty kitchen and he didn't notice it until he was sitting down, his elbows on the counter and his head buried in his hands.
“What is it now?” Tonks appeared out of nowhere.
“Can you fucking stop doing that? You're gonna kill me one of these days.” He said looking up at her, standing on the other side of the counter.
“Hey, no bad words.” She advised.
“Teddy's not even here.”
“He's still in his room?”
“Yes.” He signed. “He was showing Sirius the stars on his roof and now I think they're looking at the sky with his new telescope.”
“That's nice, you finally bought one for him after all?”
“No. Sirius did.”
“Oh.” She let out.
“My thoughts exactly.” Remus buried his head in his hands again “I don't know what to do. That man is driving me insane.”
“Because he bought him a telescope?”
“No!" He practically screamed “Because he's just too nice and handsome and he's just everywhere, he's in the cafe, he's in Teddy's room, he's in the sky, he just won't get out of my mind, and Teddy won't shut up about him. And it's nice when he's around, but I'm so scared, Tonks, I'm so scared of… everything.”
“My god." She appeared a little shocked when he finally shut up and breathed “Okay, you need to calm the fuck down. Everything's alright, Remus. I know that you're scared and I know why. You don't need to worry so much. Do it first and think later.”
“What if we don't work out and Teddy gets hurt?”
“We didn't work as a couple and everything's fine.” He didn't answer, he knew she was right “See? You won't know if you don't try. You can't protect Ted from everything, love, and you can't kill yourself with the ‘what if's’.” She sighed and looked deep into his eyes “Please, Remus, promise me you'll let yourself be happy just this once?”
“Tonks, I don't…” He started, but she gave him a piercing look and he changed his mind “Okay. Okay, I'll try.”
However, it turned out that talking was easier than doing.
“I think you should go now.” He said, not looking directly at Sirius' gray eyes.
His smile turned off like you'd turn down a lamp.
“Oh. Okay. Uh, everything was wonderful, thank you for letting me come. I'll see you around.” He said, not looking at him either, his smile not reaching his eyes.
Watching him go with his head down and give a sad goodbye hug to Teddy, almost asleep on the sofa, was like dying by a thousand cuts. Remus didn't have a defense. It all had just been too much for him.
After the conversation with Tonks, he had gone back to Teddy's room, only to find them looking at the sky, Ted's face filled with joy. Then they were in the dining room singing happy birthday to Teddy and he demanded to be able to give the three first pieces of his cake for his three favorite people in the room. Remus thought he miscounted, because he always did that to give Remus and Tonks a piece of cake and make sure he loved both of them equally. But then he called Sirius' name and said he wished he could live with them so they could see the stars every night.
Remus' heart almost gave out. He did the most impulsive thing he thought of because he didn't know how to deal with all of that. So he ran away.
Teddy was almost asleep on the couch, his legs on Sirius' lap and Sirius was just so comfortable around their family and friends, like he'd been there all along. “I think you should go now” he said, “I think you should stay forever” a voice in the back of his mind screamed, but the damage was already done.
Sirius was gone now. And Remus was hiding.
***
“I must have done something wrong.”
It had been four days since the party and four days since he'd seen Remus and Teddy. They didn't show up at the cafe, and by Wednesday Sirius was tired of staring at the door waiting for them to come.
“No, I'm sure you haven't.” Lily assured.
“I have. I just can't figure out what.”
“Love, has he said anything? Couldn't he just be traveling or working or something?” She tried.
“But how he told me to leave on Saturday, it was just… I don't know." Sirius let his body fall on the sofa, his head falling on Lily's lap.
“I think you should call him, ask him what happened.” James said, coming back from the kitchen with an ice cream pot and three spoons, he sat on the floor, right beside Lily's legs, so all of them could reach the pot.
“Yeah. Send him a message, you have his number, right?”
“I do. But he didn't answer the ones I sent on Saturday and Sunday, so I just gave up. I think I'll just have to suffer now.”
“I'm sorry, love.” Lily said, rubbing his back.
“I miss them, Lils."
“I know, babe. But everything's going to be fine.”
He hoped so.
It wasn’t until the next tuesday that he heard the bell chiming, he didn’t bother to look up anymore, until he heard someone calling his name. No, not someone. Teddy. He came in running and grabbed his legs.
“I missed you sooo much.” He said.
Sirius laughed surprised, then put the tray on the table and kneeled to hug Teddy, wrapping his arms around him and holding him thigh.
“I missed you too, Ted.” He didn’t even know how much until he saw him again. Teddy brought all the colors in the world with him.
“Uh, hey.” Someone said above them.
Sirius looked up and there he was. Remus, just as gorgeous as he was a week ago. Sirius got up with Teddy in his arms. Remus was taller than him, Sirius had to look up to meet his eyes, he missed looking at his eyes.
“Do you have a minute, uh, to talk?” He sounded so unsure, it made Sirius a little nervous too.
“Yeah, sure. Sit down, do you want your usual coffee?”
“Yes, please.” He nodded and turned to Teddy “Hey, Ted, would you go to our table while I talk to Sirius for a moment?”
“Okay. But I wanna talk to him too when you finish.”
They watched as Ted made his way to their table, the silence heavy around them. Remus sat by the counter while Sirius started making his coffee.
“So… What have you been-”
“Do you wanna go out with me?” They said at the same time.
“What?”
“Do you… Do you want to go out with me?” Remus repeated, his posture too straight and his eyes focused on him, desperate for an answer.
“You ghost on me for almost two weeks and then suddenly come back and ask me out?”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Remus’ cheeks turned pink and he looked down at his hands on his lap “I didn’t know what to do. I know you need an explanation, but I have to tell you. It’s just that…” He stopped, trying to find the right words “It was just too much, you know? You were too much and you came in and changed everything, like a hurricane.”
“I’m sorry.” Sirius said, more defensive and hurt than really sorry.
“No! Just- just let me try to get this out okay?” he took a deep breath and Sirius nodded “I really like you. I started coming here because it’s close from work and it’s on the way home, and it had you, the cute waiter that I’d stare at and imagine what could happen if things were different. I promised I would never talk to you, because it was just complicated. I have Ted and dating was always a mess, so eventually I just gave up. But then you talked to us and it became sort of a routine. And I got scared, because Teddy loves you and I might do too... I always thought I’d be fine if it was just the two of us, then seeing you with him and thinking about you at random times of the day scared me, so I ran away. But these two weeks… They were absolute torture. Your absence is so loud, Sirius. Teddy asked for you all the time and we were fine together but without you something was missing. Something really important. So… If you want to, I’d like to try. You and I.”
Sirius was astonished.
“Okay. I’d like that too.” He finally blurted out.
Remus smiled like he took a weight off of his shoulders.
“Are you serious?”
Sirius laughed, he loved that terrible joke.
“Okay. I’ll have to get used to it.” Remus laughed too.
“That was really great, lovebirds, but, Sirius, you have work to do. Don’t complain and I’ll let you have Friday off.” Lily, always the one to interrupt their meetings, said as she appeared behind him with other customer's orders.
***
“What are you doing, baby?” Sirius asked, sitting on the couch.
Teddy had all his coloring material spread on the living room table, a thousand pencils and markers of all the colors that existed, he was sitting on the floor, all his focus on the paper in front of him.
“You can stop calling me that. I’m already in second grade, I’m not a baby anymore.” He said, still focused on his paper.
“Nonsense. I’ll always be my baby.” Sirius said, joining him on the floor and hugging him from the side.
My baby. He had never been anyone’s baby, apart from his father, Remus. Tonks never called him her baby, she called him Teddy or Ted like everyone else, he was used to it. Sirius started calling him baby a bit before he started to live with them, it was strange at the beginning, but Teddy liked it too.
“What is it?” Sirius asked, looking at his drawing.
“Homework. We’re talking about family and the teacher asked us to draw ours. We've already done it at preschool, but I thought it was okay for me to do it again because my family is bigger now. Look, it’s the space.” He dropped his pencil and put the paper closer to Sirius “And the stars are us. This one is me” he pointed to the star in the middle of the paper “This one is you and this one is Da” he pointed at the two stars above the first one “This one is mum, and this little one is Cassie. I made hers a little smaller because she is a baby. Now I’m doing Grandma’s and Grandpa’s stars.”
“What about Grandma and Grandpa?” Remus questioned, coming into the living room and sitting on the couch behind them with the baby in his arms, wrapped on a lilac blanket.
Cassie was barely two years old now, she came home after a long time of Teddy asking for a sibling and a lot of conversations with an old lady who wanted to know a lot of things about them. “She’s from the adoption program, she just wants to make sure we’ll take care and love Cassie.” Remus explained to him. He didn’t think it was necessary, as Sirius always said, they had enough love to share with everyone.
He didn’t know exactly what falling in love meant, but he was sure he did it when he (finally) met his sister, he held her and talked about stars and how she was named after one, “just like Papa” he said. He told her how she was a part of their family now.
“I’m drawing our family. Look, you’re this star here.” He held the paper in the air in front of Remus, his finger above the ‘his’ star “Oh, what’s wrong, Da? Don’t cry, I can make your star bigger if you want to.”
Remus didn’t notice he was crying until Teddy had said so, he quickly swept off his tears with the back of his hand.
“It’s okay, baby. Your drawing is really pretty.” He smiled.
“Thank you! It’s for school.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, love?” Sirius asked.
“Yes. I’m okay. Just… emotional, I guess.” He shrugged “I love you two.” He added after a pause.
“We love you too, Da. Do you need a hug?” Teddy asked, already climbing on the couch with his arms open.
“Yeah, please.”
“I love you too.” Sirius whispered in Remus’ ear, then kissed his temple “All of you.” he added, rubbing Teddy’s back and letting a brief kiss on Cassie’s head.