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“Do you know what your mother wants?” Elliot glances at Olivia who is walking arm in arm with him as they make their way toward the park.
Olivia shakes her head, “no, she just asked if I would be willing to meet her in the park with Noah.”
Elliot notices her biting her lip. He stops walking and turns her to face him, “you don’t have to do this you know.”
Olivia glances up at him, “I know.” She bites her lip again, thinking through the million and one thoughts running through her mind. “It’s just—I feel like I need to this time.”
“She’s the one who decided to walk away, Liv.” He runs his hands up and down her arms, “when is the last time you even saw her?”
“Two years ago, or maybe the year before.” She could just barely remember the time she and Noah had run into her mother at a bookstore. It seemed so long ago now that the memory of it was fuzzy. “Honestly, I can’t remember. Noah was much younger though.”
“Does he know who she is?” Elliot watches her closely to gauge her reaction to his question.
She nods. “He does. He’s seen the picture of us I keep in the living room, and he’s asked questions about her. He knows he has a grandmother named Serena and that she lives here in Manhattan. He just doesn’t—” She stopped as the tears threatened to fall.
“Liv?” Elliot pulls her close to his body and hugs her as tight as she will allow. “I’ve got you.”
He hears her sniffle as she pulls back and whispers, “he just doesn’t understand why he doesn’t have a grandmother like all of his friends. He’s asked before if she loves him and why she doesn’t want to see him.”
Elliot takes a deep breath, trying to push down the anger he feels toward the woman he’s met only once or twice years ago. He knows a lot about her though, and Olivia has opened up to him throughout the years and even more since they got together. He would love to give this woman a piece of his mind for all the hurt she’s caused both Olivia and Noah, but he knows deep down that it would do little good. He feels Olivia squeeze his hand, and she looks at him like she knows what he’s thinking, and he’s sure she does.
“Let it go, El.”
Her statement is simple, and he looks at her, blue eyes connecting with dark chocolate brown, eyes pleading with him that today is not the day nor the right time, and he nods.
“Liv, I—” He whispers, and she cuts him off.
“Just be here, El.”
He nods at her, feeling the tension and anger slowly melt away as she takes his hand and pulls him forward. “I’m right here. Always will be.”
She smiles as they fall easily back into step with one another as they walk, hands clasped tightly together. Olivia leans a little closer to him, “Elliot?”
“Yeah,” he can feel the tension in her body as she leans into him.
“I see her.”
He looks up and scans the crowd, looking for Serena. He sees an older woman staring at them as they make their way forward. “By the water?”
“Yes.” Though her voice is strong, Elliot can tell how anxious she is, and he squeezes her hand in reassurance.
“I take it by the look on her face, she doesn’t know about us?” He makes eye contact with Serena from across the park, staring at her, hoping to convey his protectiveness with his eyes.
Olivia chuckles, “how could she? It’s not like she shows any interest in my life.”
“Liv—” He’s cut off from whatever he’s about to say as Serena walks forward and meets them. He quickly closes his mouth, choosing to watch as mother and daughter come face to face after years of silence. He’s already decided he will only step in if he needs to, or if Olivia asks him too. He’s here because she had asked him to be. He was here to provide support, and to get Noah if and when Olivia decided it was safe to do so. Otherwise, he plans to be silent because he knows Olivia can take care of herself.
“Olivia.”
“Mother.”
The two speak at the same time, both voices clipped with tension and a slight uneasiness. They both wait a few minutes to see who will speak next and the silence drags on before Serena is the one who breaks first.
“Thank you for meeting me.”
Olivia nods, and chooses to stay silent, waiting for her mother to get to the point.
Serena seems to take the hint as she’s the one who speaks again, “who’s this?” She turns her eyes to Elliot and looks him up and down.
Elliot steps slightly forward to introduce himself. “Elliot Stabler, her partner.”
Serena’s eyes light up, seemingly putting two and two together on who he is. “Your partner, Olivia? I thought Captains didn’t have partners anymore.”
Olivia looks up at her mother in surprise: half with the fact that she remembered Elliot was her partner and the fact she knew she was a Captain now. Without really thinking about it, she moves her left hand and pushes her hair behind her ear, easily showing off the engagement ring. She sees the exact moment her mother notices the ring, “Captains don’t, but I do. We’re engaged.”
Her mother’s eyebrows raise, and Serena opens her mouth like she wants to say or ask something, but she closes it, obviously choosing to move on. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Elliot.”
Elliot nods and moves back to where he was, slightly behind Olivia and rests his hand on the small of her back. The awkward silence returns as the three adults stare at each other, waiting for the other to speak.
“Mother,” Olivia begins becoming irritated with the silence and the small talk, wanting more than anything else to spend her time with Noah and Elliot instead of standing awkwardly in the silence, “why am I here?”
Serena turns her gaze toward her and nods just slightly before motioning toward the closest table and chairs. “Shall we?”
Olivia nods and follows her mother; she glances over at Elliot as he takes hold of her hand and squeezes, letting her know he’s here and he’s not going anywhere. Elliot sits down next to Olivia who is sitting across from her mother. He notices the way Serena is watching the two of them intently as they make themselves comfortable, sitting as close as the separate chairs allow.
“How’s Noah?” Serena asks quietly.
Olivia feels Elliot tense beside her, knowing his protectiveness is kicking into high gear. She squeezes his knee before answering, “he’s fine. He’s growing up.”
“That’s good.” Serena smiles, and Olivia notices it almost looks like a smile of pride. Serena clears her throat, “is he here? I, uh I wanted to see him. I have something for him. For you too.”
Olivia narrows her eyes, confusion most likely evident on her face. Whatever was going on with her mother and ultimately the reason for this meeting, was really throwing her off. Her mother was acting very different than what she very clearly remembered. She took a deep breath, “he’s at dance practice.”
“Oh,” her mother had a slight look of disappointment on her face at the information. Olivia was thoroughly confused at her mother’s reaction and now even more annoyed that before.
“Mother, what’s this about?”
“Olivia,” Serena reaches across the table and clasps her hand over Olivia’s. Olivia had half a mind to jerk it away, but something, maybe the broken look on her mother’s face told her not to. Serena took a deep breath before continuing, “I know my asking to meet with you and Noah must have been surprising, to say the least.”
“It was.”
Serena nods, “I wanted to meet with you at least one more time, before—” Serena falls silent like the words she wants to speak won’t form.
Olivia looks at her mother, waiting for her to finish. “Before?” She questions.
Serena clears her throat and squeezes Olivia’s hand before finally speaking, “My liver is failing. The prognosis isn’t good, and my doctor doesn’t think I’ll be here much longer.”
Olivia feels Elliot’s arm wrap around her, offering her the silent support he knows she needs. Out of all the news she had expected, it wasn’t this. She had never expected for her mother to tell her herself. As morbid as it was, she had always expected to receive a phone call one day from another officer letting her know Serena had fallen from being too drunk and died due to her injuries.
She takes a deep breath, her hand falling away from her mother’s as she let the news cascade over her. “Isn’t there anything—”
Serena quickly cuts her off with a sharp, “no” before her voice softens, “Olivia, I’ve done what I can. What I want to do, so I could make it a little longer to get my affairs together, to see you and Noah, but its time.”
“Mother—” Olivia starts and then quickly stops. She realizes she isn’t sure what she wants to say because there’s so many things at once running through her brain, so many things that had been left unsaid after so many years of silence.
“Olivia,” her mother takes her hand again, “just listen, please. I've made my choice.”
Olivia looks at her, really looks at her, and for the first time, in a long time, she realizes she’s actually seeing her mother sober. She nods, the words failing to come as she listens.
“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes.” Serena takes a steadying breath, “I know that I hurt you, and I know I took my own hurt out on you. Olivia, you didn’t deserve any of that. Nothing that happened to me was your fault.”
Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat as the tears threaten to fall. She can feel Elliot’s hand rubbing her shoulder, and she turns to look at him, to ground herself, to make sure what she’s hearing is real and not in her imagination. He gives her an encouraging smile in return.
Serena squeezes her hand, and Olivia can see unshed tears pooling in her Mother's eyes. “I know I can’t go back and change the past. I know nothing I could do for you or give you can change what I’ve done or heal old wounds, but I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and to think about what I want for after, for after I’m gone.”
Olivia watches as her mother turns to the bag at her side and digs out a large manilla envelope. She carefully sets the envelope on the table between them.
“Olivia, I’m sorry.” Serena runs her fingers along the envelope, “I’m sorry for what I put you through, the words I said to hurt you, and the things I did to you. Olivia, I know I wasn’t the mother you deserved. You deserved so much more than what I gave you.”
Serena picks up the envelope and pulls out its contents, “I know what’s in this envelope can’t fix our relationship or our past, and I don’t mean for it to because I know, truly that it can’t.” Serena pauses and pulls out the first of the papers, “what’s in here is to help you and Noah with your futures.”
Olivia takes the paper from her mother and glances over it, “this is, a lot.” She looks up at her mother, questioning if what she was reading was real.
Serena merely whispers, “I know.”
The both look at each other, waiting for the next person to speak, and when Elliot’s phone rings, they both jump.
“Excuse me,” Elliot gets up from the table, knowing its Kathleen calling about Noah.
Serena looks up at Elliot and nods. “He’s protective of you.”
“Hmm?” Olivia’s still caught off guard by what she’s reading in the paper her mother has handed her.
“Your partner,” Serena glances over to Elliot, “he’s very protective of you.”
Olivia looks at Elliot, catching the way he hasn’t taken his eyes off of her this whole time, ready to step in any second if she needs him too. She smiles as she agrees, “he is. He always has been.”
Elliot makes his way back over to the table before Serena has time to say anything more. “Liv, it's Kathleen. Do you want her—?”
“Yes,” she cuts him off already knowing the end of the question. He looks at her, his eyes questioning her, making sure she is sure about allowing Noah to come meet with his grandmother. She smiles at him, “It’s okay, El. Noah can come.” Elliot simply nods and walks back to finish his phone call. She realizes that she isn't completely sure why she has agreed to allow Noah to come to this meeting; she knows it definitely isn't the paper she now holds in her hand that will change Noah's future if she agrees to keep it. She glances over at her mother, and she realizes maybe its the way her mother’s eyes are lit up at the prospect of seeing Noah, and maybe its so Noah has a chance to say goodbye.
“Noah?” Serena questions softly.
“He will be here soon.” Olivia bites her lip, and then her motherly instincts kick in, “before he comes here though, you have to promise me something.”
Serena looks at her with sincerity, “anything.”
“Everything is on his terms. He decides what he allows and what he doesn’t. Don’t pressure him, and don’t say anything to hurt him. If at any point, he is uncomfortable, or I feel like it is not safe for him, Elliot will take him away. Understood?”
“I promise, Olivia. I won’t hurt your little boy.” She stops talking for a second before continuing, “I expect nothing in return beyond just meeting him this once, properly this time and to give him what I have for him. Nothing more.”
Olivia notices that Elliot is practically glaring at Serena, willing her to understand that he isn’t just proactive of Olivia, but of Noah too. Elliot finally speaks up, as his phone dings with a text message. He glances at Liv and then narrows his eyes at Serena, “they’re here. I’m going to go get him.”
As he walks away, Olivia realizes this is the first time she’s been truly alone with her mother in years. Olivia looks back at the paperwork she holds in her hand, unsure of what to make of all of it. She looks back at her mother, who is watching her closely.
“I know what it seems like, Olivia, and its not- It’s the least I can do for all the hurt I’ve caused both you and Noah.”
Olivia looks up quickly, surprised at her Mother's own realization that she hadn't just hurt Olivia, but she had hurt Noah too.
"I didn’t realize until recently how much I hurt him too when I walked away.” Serena looks down at her hands before softly speaking, "I thought it was best he didn't know me."
“He asked about you,” Olivia shares as she browses through the documents, “he knows you’re his grandmother.”
“Olivia—”
Before Serena can say anything more, they both turn as they hear Noah’s voice, yelling out to his mom, “Mommy!”
Olivia catches Noah has he runs straight into her arms, “hey baby! Did you have fun today?”
“I did! Katie and Grandma B said I can sleepover at their house if you say its okay.” Noah practically climbs in her lap and settles in, “can we get ice cream?”
Olivia sees her mother’s face fall slightly at Noah’s mention of his Grandma B. She realizes that her mother has come to somewhat of an understanding on just how much she has missed out on. “We can discuss it when we get home, okay? There’s someone I would like you to meet first.” Olivia points to her mother.
Noah turns in her lap to look at Serena, and sticks his hand out for a handshake. “Hi, I’m Noah.”
Serena beams and shakes his hand, “Hi Noah. I’m Serena.”
“You’re Mommy’s mom.” He looks at Olivia for confirmation, and Olivia nods. “You’re my grandmother.” Noah hangs his head and sinks his body into Olivia’s embrace.
“You’re right, Noah.” Serena smiles at him, “I am your grandmother.”
Olivia’s can hear the sadness in his voice as he speaks, “but you don’t want to see me. Not like my Grandma B.”
Olivia hears Serena’s breath catch in her throat, and she notices how her mother looks at her for guidance.
“Noah,” Olivia calls to her son, who turns in her lap to look at her, his blue eyes shining with tears, “You still want some ice cream?” Noah nods. “I saw an ice cream truck over there. How about you and Dad go get some ice cream and some coffee for us?”
She can tell Noah’s thinking her offer over. He wipes his eyes on his sleeve and hops down from her lap to take Elliot’s outstretched hand. He starts to walk away with Elliot, when he stops and looks back to Serena, “do you like ice cream or coffee?”
Serena smiles at him, “I like both, but a scoop of strawberry ice cream sounds delicious.”
Noah smiles timidly at her, “that’s Mommy’s favorite too.” He turns his attention to his mom, “Mommy?”
“An iced coffee,” she winks at him, “Dad knows how to order it.” Elliot smiles at her before picking Noah up and throwing him over his shoulder. Noah’s tears are quickly replaced with laughter as Elliot spins him around.
“Faster, daddy!” Noah squeals, “like a Rocketship!”
“He’s a sweet boy.” Serena muses.
“He is.” Olivia laughs as Elliot spins Noah once more before gently placing him back on the ground.
“I didn’t know what to say to him, to answer his question.” Serena clarifies.
“He’s smart. Be honest with him, but keep it to where he understands. He’s only five.”
Serena stares off into space for a second, before making eye contact again, “The truth?” Olivia nods, and Serena continues. “The truth is I walked away because I knew he didn’t deserve a grandmother like me. He didn’t need to see what I had become. He didn’t need to see how the alcohol consumed my life. He, like you, deserved so much more Olivia, and at the time I couldn’t give that to either of you. I walked away to protect you both. I understand now what I missed. How the choices I made caused me to miss out on so much with both of you.”
“You missed so much.” Olivia speaks softly, validating what her mother said.
“I know, and I know I’ll never get that back.” Serena takes Olivia’s hand in her own once more, “Olivia, I want you to know how proud I am of you. Truly, I am so proud of you. You are so strong and kind. I see what you do through the news and the newspapers. You do so much good, and you are everything you were meant to be. You’re an amazing cop and a great mother. This world is so much better because of you, Olivia.”
Olivia smiles at her mother’s words, “thank you. That…that really means a lot.”
Serena turns her attention back to the documents and passes the rest of them to Olivia. “I know its almost too late, but I want to do something good with the time I have left. I know what’s there can’t change what I’ve missed with him or you, but I want to help pay for his dance classes or his college. Please, let me do this for him.”
Olivia glances at the check included in the documents. “I don’t know, Mother.”
Serena’s shoulders drop, in what Olivia recognizes quickly as defeat, “Olivia, I can’t take any of this money with me, so please let me offer it to help with his future. All of this is what's leftover from your Grandmother and Grandfather's estate. It should have always been yours, and now, it will be. You will put it to a better use than I ever would. Use it for your wedding, a new apartment, donate it to charity, or use it to retire and to set up a non-profit to help those who need a safe place. Just, please, use it for something good. I know it can’t make up for the past, but it can help set Noah and you up for the future. It can do something good in the right hands.”
Olivia looks at her mother and sees the sincerity in her eyes. She takes the documents and flips through them once more. “Thank you.”
“Don’t think me Olivia, please” Serena shakes her head, “it’s the least I can do.”
Olivia feels tears fall down her face, and she wipes them away as she flips to the last page. She quickly glances over it, “what’s this one?”
Serena grins, “that one is a scholarship from what's left over from my estate once my apartment sells. It is already set up so that each school year, until the money runs out, one young lady will receive a $2000 scholarship to help her attend college. I want to do good things with what I have left. That's all. I want some young woman who finds herself in a tough spot to have a chance at going to college and to not let the fear of money from stopping her.”
"I-I don't know what to say," Olivia aligns the pages of the documents together in an attempt to give her mind a chance to catch up.
"It's okay, Olivia. I know all of this has to be a lot to take in."
Both women look at each other, both at a loss for words. The silence is quickly interrupted though as they both hear Noah's laughter and they both look over to see him and Elliot returning with the ice cream and coffee. Elliot and Noah are walking hand in hand, and Elliot’s laughing at something Noah had just said or done. Noah let’s go of Elliot’s hand and begins to dance, almost spilling the two cups of ice cream he's holding in the process.
Serena smiles as Olivia watches her son and fiancé. She taps Olivia’s hand to get her attention, “I was wrong.”
Olivia looks at her mother with raised eyebrows, “what?”
“Years ago, when I said everyone leaves,” she pauses to glance over at Elliot as he and Noah get closer, “I was wrong.”
Olivia smiles up at Elliot as he places her coffee in front of her. She remembers the exact argument from years ago; it was one of their biggest ones. It was the one that always replayed in Olivia's head anytime anyone got close to her. Her mother had yelled at her, “everyone leaves” as a reason she would never fall in love or find the special person to love her, to truly love her. It took awhile, but she quickly realized that was Serena's own insecurities being pushed onto her, and it wasn't completely true. Olivia watches as Noah quietly sits down next to Serena and hands her the strawberry ice cream she had requested. Olivia intertwines her free hand with Elliot’s as he sits down next to her; she looks over at her mother and smiles, “yeah, you were.”
Serena nods once more and smiles, "I'm glad you're happy, Olivia. Truly."
"Me too." Olivia smiles as she take a sip of her drink. She's not completely sure of what to make of this time in the park with her Mother, but she decides to just be in the moment and for now, let the moment play out. She looks over at Noah who currently has ice cream running down his chin, "Noah, my mother has something she wants to give to you."
Noah props himself up in the chair before turning to look at the older woman beside him, "really?"
Olivia knows her mother is looking at her, and she gives her a slight nod of approval, choosing in that moment to give her mother the opportunity to help with Noah's future. She glances over at Elliot who smiles back her, encouraging her to continue.
Serena takes a steadying breath before turning her attention completely to Noah. Serena laughs gently at the ice cream on his chin and quietly passes him a napkin, "Noah. . ."
Olivia silently watches the exchange between her mother and her son. She knows that this moment and the money her mother is giving both of them will never truly be able to heal all the wounds and cure all the hurt her mother has caused. Even Serena, Olivia knows now, understands that it can't fix what her choices broke. And, maybe, in her own way, Serena is trying to let Olivia know that she does care for her and for Noah.
Elliot leans down and whispers into her ear, "you okay?"
Olivia looks into his eyes and whispers back, "I am, for now. It's a lot. All of this. She's still who she's always been, and I'm not blind to that, especially not will all this," she motions to the stack of papers in front of her, "but I think she is trying to do some good. It's just hard after all this time."
"We'll work through it, together," he leans over and kisses her forehead, "I love you, Olivia."
She leans further into him, feeling comfort and safety next to him, "I love you too."
Olivia looks up in time to make eye contact with her mother who smiles at her, and Olivia smiles back.