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“I want you to come and see me in my office in five minutes.”
Elliot shares a look with Olivia, equal troublesome thoughts invading both of their minds.
When Cragen asks them in his office it usually spells trouble and it’s nothing good.
He honestly has a more terrifying thought one that co-incides with the fact of their evaluation by Hendrix. But maybe it would be nothing, who knows, maybe through this year full of hardships their Captain would throw them a bone.
Elliot definitely needs it what with the separation and all.
He sees from the corner of his eye Olivia pulling her long hair in a ponytail, the strands falling beautifully around her face.
How can he be angry one minute and want to touch her the next?
He aches for their old relationship, the one without trouble and hidden anger. Their partnership was always like a stream of flowing water, calm, having one direction and never changing course.
Gitano, changed everything.
Lines were drawn and suddenly every movement, every reaction was questioned. These days there was only blame. Both were like quiet shimmering fires that only needed a strong wind to grow into something terrifying, a blazing inferno wild and beyond their control.
He wants to change that but he doesn’t know how. He wants them back desperately.
There’s another part residing inside of him, one that recognizes the feelings, the non friendly ones related to Olivia that he harbors like a treasure inside of him since the moment he discovered them.
When Gitano put that knife on her neck everything changed, and how could it not?- when you watch the most important person in your heart, the person that gets you the most and is an extension of you, be in danger?
He wanted to explore them, deal with the possibilities staring at him right in his face but for that to happen there have to be two willing participants.
Olivia is an unpredictable force, one that’s currently like a yo-yo with him. One minute they seem fine, the next they are like cats and dogs.
He winces, internally. Now he gets why Cragen had them evaluated.
Exhaling loudly and with a deep sigh full of longing , he stands up following the quiet but sure footsteps of his partner inside their Captain’s office.
**************************************************
“Dr. Hendrix delivered me your evaluation today.”
Olivia looks sure, a calm and serene smile on her face, nothing preparing her for the storm that’s about to land on top of them.
“And she said everything’s okay right?Nothing is going on and we get the all clear?” she mentions with a reassuring gaze, not questioning the outcome.
He,on the other hand is not so sure.
Their Captain stands up as he brings the recorder to the center of his desk, putting the tape the therapist gave him and hitting play.
“In my opinion, detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance and emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers.”
Hendrix’s voice is loud, the tone serious, falling like a jolt of many volts of electricity and shocking both Elliot and Olivia.
Absorbed, they both hear the rest of the tape, coming face to face with stuff they never wanted to be revealed.
“In other words?”
Their Captain’s voice is tired, already resigned to the inescapable truth.
“They’re too close.”
Rebecca’s voice is one full of unwavering reassurance, a fact spilling out of her lips she wholeheartedly believes in.
It’s out in the open now.
The evaluation didn’t go how they were thinking. Apparently, they screwed up.
Cragen looks at them and strips them bare with one single glance. They never could quite hide well from him.
The tape stops and their Captain starts talking.
“She told me it would be a mistake to split you up but at this moment I don’t see another solution. I have handled a lot when it comes to you two but I’m tired. You are my two best detectives but since Gitano all I see is fights, doubts and anger. You still trust each other, you still work best when you are together but you don’t communicate and I can’t have two unpredictable forces in my squad.”
Dread pools at his stomach, already sensing the outcome of this pivotal conversation.
“I don’t know what it is but there’s things between you left unsaid, things that make you unpredictable and the result is lashing out at each other. Don’t think, I don’t notice stuff. You are inside my squad room. Benson, Elliot may have covered for you with your brother and supported you but I know there are still issues.”
He's right, the slither of anger still resides deep when it comes to that particular topic. Her way of handling things on her own and going behind his back.
“And Stabler don’t think I won’t say what a pain in the ass you are since the moment you announced your separation. But nothing compares to the time Olivia was absent. You were insufferable then. I thought when she came back it would fix itself but I see now I was hiding behind illusions.”
Olivia glances at him with worried eyes, knowing the next words are about to change everything.
“Starting effective immediately, I’m splitting you up. Elliot, you and Munch are partners, congratulations. Olivia,you’ll be with Fin. If that doesn’t calm you down, your spot at computer crimes is still open and will be waiting for you. This is final, don’t try to change it.”
The judge’s verdict befalls upon them, cloaking everything in darkness.
**************************************************
It’s much later when he finds her by the locker rooms that he decides this time they have to talk.Not only about Cragen’s decisions but about the words on that recorder too.
Hendrix’s voice plays on loop in his mind.
“They are too close.”
He simply should have figured it out, he did mention that he sacrificed a civilian, a kid for Olivia. What did he expect? That he wouldn’t be this obvious?
Did everyone around them saw it except them?
His mind goes to the conversation he had with Huang after Gitano, about how he said he cared about Olivia.
Problem is, he doesn’t only care, it goes much deeper. It’s a raw feeling consuming his body and heart. It crept up on him, obliterating his marriage and making him a fool.
A fool for love, simply mesmerized by her.
Part of him knows that’s why he’s constantly angry with her.
Yeah, his up and down rollercoaster divorce with Kathy may make him miserable but he can handle it, already resigned to the dissolution of his family life.
It's Olivia and his feelings he can’t handle and that’s what brought upon their downfall.
Now, that they are seperated and it’s beyond their control maybe he should be the brave one and get the ball rolling.
They have to salvage something in all this mess and for once he thinks bravery is what’s required of him.
She won’t do it, he knows her well, so he will expose everything residing deep inside his chest and pulling the rag from under them.
The time of hiding has long passed. It's everything or nothing now.
“Preparing to leave?”
He spies a tear trailing down her cheek as she turns around, caught off guard by his presence.
“Yes.”
The word is one said with sadness. He wants to walk up to her and hug her but this will have to wait.
First, their hard talks must take place.
“I spoke to Hendrix about Gitano.”
It falls like a bomb between them, bringing back the painful memories.
“I’m sorry Liv, maybe it’s my fault this happened. I said to her about my choice. To run to you and sacrifice Ryan.”
There’s a tremble in his voice as their eyes meet, an ocean of things left unsaid between them.
No more, he’s tired.
She interrupts him.
“You don’t know that Elliot, maybe it was me. When she asked me about my own choice if I would save you or a member of the public I brushed her off, closed the conversation entirely. I was not helpful at all.”
A deep breath leaves her exhausted body.
“Maybe with both screwed up.” she says offering an olive branch.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Simon? Why are you doing things on your own when you can talk to me about it?"
It still irks him, but most of all it still hurts. Trust should be a given between them.
She looks at her locker, her gaze lost as she answers.
“I wanted to protect you, leave you and your career out of this but also…… we are so unpredictable these days. I couldn’t handle another obstacle into our already tumultuous relationship. All we need is an excuse and we are going for each other’s throats. I don’t want that any longer El.”
Her worlds leave him feeling a sweet undercurrent of electricity, tingles running up his spine. Olivia is giving him an inch, finally showing vulnerability coming to match the time inside the car whispering quielty, in secret, about how she wanted a family.
In the deepest corners of his mind he admits blatantly now to himself he’s the one that wants to give it to her.
When he heard those words out of her mouth he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and hold her close, protect her for she is his and no one else's.
Simon may be her brother but he’s her family too, he always will be. The mistake was putting himself in the partner category when all he wants is to become something else entirely different.
He takes the plunge, whispering a secret hidden into the crevices of his heart.
“I’m sorry Liv. I miss you. I think…… I think the reason I’ve been angry for so long is not only, Kathy. Yeah, my normal changed and I miss my kids but I realized, I was holding to something I didn’t really want inside of me. It was the home, my kids I desperately wanted beside me and not my marriage. My anger wasn’t rooted in that situation, it was because I’m holding stuff in concerning you.”
“Don’t.”
A simple word, a warning sign flashing. Olivia is much more perceptive, knows him even when he evades, even when she avoids.
This should have shut him up, her glistening eyes under the precinct lights should have stopped him.
Instead, they encourage him to change everything and break all the unspoken rules between them.
“Why not?”
Two steps towards her, his eyes entirely sucked in by her brown ones.
“Our partnership is already shot to hell and there’s a reason why we reached this road. For once, Liv let’s stop lying to ourselves. Let us breathe. This feeling, it's suffocating me. I can’t pretend that you leaving wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to me. I can’t pretend, I didn’t miss you like hell. I can’t lie any longer and say my feelings didn’t change since the moment I chose you over a kid.”
“Please, stop.”
She begs him with a single tear dropping, her skin shining from the liquid on her cheek.
He never was good at following instructions.
The distance closes and he’s in front of her, a single breath separating them.
Softly, gently, he raises a hand as he touches her cheek grasping the smooth flesh in his palm.
He expects a slap, to turn away and leave him standing alone.
She surprises him.
Olivia leans into his hand, rubbing her cheek affectionately like a kitten enjoying a petting.
“I can pretend I want to be your partner, your other half on the job but truth is, I don’t want to. I want to be so much more for you Olivia.”
Her tears flow in abandon and it’s like he’s looking at a mirror. His own eyes are wet as well, making apparent his suffering.
A finger touches her lips, the sexual tension and unspoken desire palpable in the air. The pad of his thumb soothing her tender bottom lip.
“I want everything. I want to give it to you if you only let me. Please give us a chance. I get that you are scared, hesitant but I don’t want to let this go. I’m tired of us hurting each other, can't we just give in?”
He expects a verbal reaction, another argument on her list of why they can't do this.What, he does not expect is her lips finally resting over his.
Her tongue invades his mouth as he feels a hurricane of passion inside of him, a thread finally snapping into place as they unite in a single embrace, their bodies finally merging and creating a completed puzzle.
They each battle for dominance as their tears mix together.
He can only taste her and the sweet surrender, the irresistible peace flowing through his body like water.
In the aftermath of their joining he feels only a sense of freedom. It's like driving at a high speed late at night, simply intoxicating.
Maybe starting over is possible when you do it with the person your heart belonged to all along.
****************************************************
Two months later
“Detectives, to what do I own the pleasure of having you in my office?”
Cragen eyes them suspiciously. He understands him, it must be weird seeing them both smiling in his office.
“We are here because this time I’m the one that wants a transfer Cap. I learned, homicide has an opening.” he mentions in a light, comfortable way.
Cragen, looks at them anxiously, afraid they are back on their previous behavior.
“Everything okay?”
It’s Olivia that answers with a grin stretched wide and by grasping his hand tightly.
“Everything’s perfect. We think it was time we come clean, especially because you’ll see our paperwork having the same address after we disclose.”
Their Captain smiles softly, his eyes shining with hope solely for them.
“Detective Stabler your transfer will certainly be approved.”
They give him wide smiles as the three of them stand on the precipice of another new beginning.
“I’m happy for you two.” Cragen exclaims.
He answers honestly, giving him the thank you pouring out of him.
“Thank you Cap, we own it all to you. Something tells me we wouldn’t be here if you hadn't taken the necessary decisions.”
Sometimes change isn’t all bad and maybe the rag has to be pulled from under you in order to chase your real happiness.