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“So annoying.”
“Go away.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Your one-man show is pathetic.”
“Are you trying to drive me insane?”
All those condescending words replayed in her mind like a never-ending tape of a horror film, but none could compare to what she was hearing right then:
“I’m engaged. To Joo Nam.”
Her world crumbled to the ground, shattered to pieces like a clump of dirt.
Tears pooled in her eyes, glittering under the shimmering chandelier light from above.
Everything was bright, yet all she could see was darkness, clouding her vision, pulling into the depth of oblivion and agony.
Jang Se Mi thought to herself: Oh, this is how death feels like…
She looked up helplessly, trying to hold eye-contact, trying to trick herself into believing that this was all a joke and people would laugh at the ridiculous statement. No one laughed. No one said anything.
This was the first time her mother-in-law didn’t need her to ask to hold her gaze. Baek Do Yi was looking at her. In her eyes was a glint of defiance, of sadistic joy, like she had finally managed to find a way to ruin Se Mi, utterly and completely without any remorse. Her mother-in-law, who Jang Se Mi had been bleeding her heart out for, was shining with triumph and happiness as she stomped on Se Mi’s last hope like a piece of trash on the ground.
Jang Se Mi was broken beyond repair.
Seeing Do Yi like this… Seeing her Goddess and her savior, the love of her life, the tune of her heartbeat mercilessly squeezed her heart until it bled, until it was squished like a pile of bloody nothingness in her palm, Jang Se Mi didn’t know what to feel but a sea of desperation mixed with undying anger, and then emptiness.
Had her heart still laid inside her and not in Do Yi’s palm, it would have been an absolute torture, but it was gone, and she was left with nothing but the gapping space that it once was.
Jang Se Mi wanted to scream, to yell, to cry, to make a scene. She wanted her mother-in-law to know that if she made her cry one more time, she would cry tears of blood. She wished for nothing but to slap Jang Joo Nam’s pretentious face, to hurt him as he smirked at her in the most irritating way, telling her that he had had the one thing she could never. Se Mi wanted to throw hands, that was. She wanted to kill him.
But alas, nothing came.
She was rooted in her seat, unable to do anything, for the crushing pain was too much to bear. She was bounded to the sofa beneath her as her husband held her hand, like he understood what tragedy she was going through. She sat there, while everybody was eyeing her like she was going to snap and went bat shit crazy and fucked shit up. She couldn’t do anything but let her tears flow like river. Didn’t bother to wipe them away, because what’s the point anyway? Her dignity, her woman, her everything were gone, down in the drain like midnight rain.
The only thing that she said, out of everyone’s surprise, was: “I see, eomeonim…”
“Stop your nonsense!”
“You’re sick!”
“Get lost!”
Jang Se Mi forced out a smile. A smile filled with pain and twisted with heartbreak, but a smile, nonetheless. It must be strange, for she was again gawked at by her in-laws like a caged zoo animal. She could not care less. How could she? When her blurry vision only saw the victorious, sick smirk of the woman she devoted herself for, for twenty-five years? How could see, when every fight, every will to live drained out of her body like those words had opened a floodgate?
Se Mi didn’t realize her legs were shaking when she stood up. It was a war to keep herself upright. Chi Kang was on her side in an instant, but she didn’t let him touch her. Not him. Not when he had the blood of that woman flowing in his veins. Chi Kang was not at fault, not at all, yet she held him accountable for being that woman’s son. She could not stand any part of Baek Do Yi making connection to her body. The thought of it made her skin crawl with disgust.
“I’m married to Joo Nam.”
Se Mi wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. Well, both, at the same time. Laugh at the ridiculousness of this whole ordeal. Cry for Baek Do Yi’s cruel decision. And both, for her pathetic self that couldn’t stop loving that vicious woman even though that was the woman who had just been stabbing a thousand knives in her already wrecked soul. She didn’t know what to feel, didn’t know what to do anymore, so she stood on her wobbled feet, bowing as a goodbye and staggered out of the room while Chi Kang called after her with in desperation.
She didn’t want him to follow her.
She didn’t want anybody to do so.
She wanted to be alone, for now.
And alone, she was, when she got into the car and fled.
As if the God was crying with her, the rain got heavier and heavier every second passed by. Still, Se Mi drove. She drove like a mad woman, sprinting on the road like she was playing tag with Death and if she stopped, he would catch her. Her phone kept ringing, like an annoying object, distracting her. She paid no mind. She drove and drove, until a truck came out of nowhere and made her spin the wheel so hard she crashed into the nearby tree.
Her head smashed on the steering wheel with force that knocked the air out of her lungs.
Blood trickled down her forehead, into her eyes.
And all Se Mi did was laugh.
She laughed maniacally like an insane person. Maybe she was insane. After all. No sane woman would put herself in this position, would love her mother-in-law and shamelessly continued doing so after a thousand times of being dismissed, of being mocked at, of being told how worthless she was of a mother and a daughter-in-law…
Of a woman, who was never Baek Do Yi’s first choice.
Jang Se Mi was nothing.
“Miss! Are you alright!?”
The banging on her broken car window was loud, and yet it didn’t faze Se Mi one bit. Her ears were ringing. The only thing she heard was her own hollow laugh and the curses of her mother-in-law. Jang Se Mi dropped her head, hand gripping the leather tighter and tighter. It was tempting to just press the gas pedal and crash the car again and again and again until it exploded with her inside. Exploded, like her fragile heart, like her near manic mental state.
Maybe death was more comfortable, more desirable than living like this.
Se Mi smirked as her eyelids slowly dropped down, causing the last droplet of tears to roll down her stained cheek. She smirked when her phone accidentally blared after the crash and the angry inquiries of her mother-in-law about her whereabouts streamed through the speaker. ‘Where are you!?’, ‘Come back here this instant!’, ‘Stop being childish!’
Jang Se Mi wished she had never met Baek Do Yi.
---
“What do you mean you can’t call her!?”
Baek Do Yi frowned as her son dropped down on the couch in defeat. Chi Kang was devastated. His wife leaving was the last straw and he broke down. Baek Do Yi knew. Even if it was just an arranged marriage, Chi Kang had grown to love Se Mi throughout the years. She was his wife. Even though he, just like his father, didn’t know how to show affection, he still took care of Se Mi, cherished her after everything she did. Chi Kang loved Se Mi and seeing her leaving caused him more damage than anything could ever have.
“She didn’t pick up her phone, mother…” He stared down into his hands. They were shaking. He was a surgeon. The surgeon’s hands didn’t shake. But he was shaking. In his eyes were pools of unshed tears. It was the first time Do Yi saw her eldest son in this state. He didn’t cry when he was caught in a scandal that shattered his reputation. He didn’t cry when he lowered his father to the ground. He didn’t react historically when his wife declared to the whole family her deranged love to his mother.
But when she left, Do Yi saw Chi Kang literally broke down.
For the better, or worse, Chi Kang and Se Mi had been partners for almost three decades. For better or worse, they had loved each other once and considered each other family. Maybe Chi Kang always thought Se Mi wouldn’t leave him. Maybe Chi Kang was confident that Se Mi would come back. This time, he knew she was gone. The look in his eyes when he glanced at her made Do Yi felt like this was her fault. It was her fault that his family was in shamble. It was her fault that Se Mi left. Like he was blaming her for this.
“Why must you do this to her, mother…” Her own son, who she gave birth to, was gritting his teeth, lamenting with a broken tone. “You know she’s hurting… You know she’s breaking inside, and you just have to keep hammering into the crack until she shattered…”
Chi Kang rubbed his face tiredly as he stood up, drowning the glass in one gulp as if it would help calm him down from this panic attack he was experiencing. Do Yi wanted to rebut, to exclaim that this was not her fault! It’s not her fault that Jang Se Mi harbored that kind of feeling for her! That she was trying to save his marriage by snapping Se Mi out of her delusional mind. That she was doing him a favor!
But she couldn’t. She couldn’t, for she was going stir crazy with guilts. Her stomach churned uncomfortably when she thought back to Se Mi’s reaction. Do Yi admitted, she might have done this better. She admitted she was cruel. She shouldn’t verbally abuse the poor girl after she literally threw Se Mi’s heart down to the ground and stomped on it. But it was the only way she knew. It was the only way for her to cut the tie with Se Mi. She knew, if she didn’t, Se Mi would still hang on, would still bother her and left her son in miseries.
Baek Do Yi had always been a cruel woman.
She thought she could do this without an ounce of remorse, but it didn’t occur to her how bad it hurt when she saw those doe eyes filled with disbelieves, resided anger and eventually, helpless, hopeless, and complete darkness. It didn’t occur to her how painful it was to see Se Mi being rendered into silence, into numbness like she was completely gone. It was worse than Do Yi had thought. She had thought maybe Se Mi would throw a fuzz, would scream at her, like usual, and Chi Kang would take her home and she would calm down.
No. Se Mi’s small: “I see, eomeonim” was worse than anything.
When her daughter-in-law walked out of the door, Do Yi was tempted to stand up and chased after her. She was tempted to abandon her new fiancé to hold that cold and trembling hand in hers, telling her ‘please don’t go.’ She couldn’t. She was frozen in her seat. She was in a state of shock.
Se Mi was gone.
Chi Kang tried to stop her, but Se Mi was gone.
And now Baek Do Yi sat here, listening to her son blaming her for his broken marriage, for his wife’s disappearance. She heard Chi Jung and Chi Gam trying to talk Chi Kang down. She saw every single one of the family members trying to call Se Mi. No one had succeeded. No one at all. Chi Kang even asked Deung Myung to reach his mother, but she didn’t pick up his call either.
‘I have done everything I could for Chi Kang and Deung Myung… for now, to eternity, I will live only for you, mother.’
Do Yi hadn’t forgotten about this. She hadn’t, and it scared her. What if Se Mi ran outside and did something stupid? What if… What if…
Baek Do Yi could not stop herself as she fished her phone out of the purse and just pressed the emergency call button. She didn’t know when she set it like that, but for a time, Se Mi had been her emergency contact. Se Mi had insisted, after Do Yi hurt her neck. That’s when. And now, as she pressed and waited, Do Yi held her breath. Se Mi never made her wait for long. Se Mi was always there to answer Do Yi’s call.
Not this time.
When her call reached voicemail for the third time, Do Yi let the flame of anger licked her heart as she yelled into the phone, demanding Se Mi to come home, to just pick up, to stop being a child and solve the problem like an adult. She knew she shouldn’t do that. She was in no place doing that. But the worries were clouding her brain.
All her life, she had never used a gentle tone with Se Mi.
Not even now.
She didn’t know how.
And when even she herself could not make Se Mi pick up her phone. It sent her into a state of frantic. Baek Do Yi was sitting on fire. She wondered what happened to her daughter-in-law. She didn’t think she could be normal again knowing it was her fault that caused Se Mi’s safety.
She was about to call again when her youngest son, Chi Jung spoke up: “Maybe 형수(hyeongsu-nim) is just getting some air. We shouldn’t assume the worst… She’s not the type of person who does anything irrational.”
Do Yi bit her lips to stop a sigh from escaping her lips. If telling the whole family she was in love with her mother-in-law was not irrational, Do Yi didn’t know what was. Jang Se Mi was a bold, decisive woman who knew what she wanted and always strived to achieve it. She was a strong one, but when it came to love, when it came to Do Yi, she lost her composure, her everything. She was careless and reckless, and it scared Do Yi to death. But of course, counted it on Chi Jung to always try to lighten the mood and downplay the situation.
He was good at that.
They sat in complete silence until a phone call to Chi Kang rang, startled them all.
Chi Kang, with his shaking hands, pushed the speaker button and the whole room fell into a pit of hopelessness.
“Is this Mr. Dan Chi Kang? We are calling from the hospital. Your wife’s car crashed. She has sustained severe head wound that causes her brain to swell and bleed. She is being taken to the operating room right now. We need the family’s consent to perform the procedure. Please come as soon as possible.”
The call… The explanation was short and yet it was enough to make their blood run cold. Chi Kang, who scrambled out of his chair and almost fell down on his knees, rushed out of the room without a word. Chi Gam and Chi Jung were hot on their brother’s heels, leaving Do Yi for Chi Gam’s wife to take care of. Do Yi was shaking badly when her second daughter-in-law took her by the arm and helped her getting up. She felt like all the strength had left her body, and her guts were being punched so hard that she could not see straight.
In her head, she only heard one thing:
“I love you, eomeonim… I see, eomeonim…”
Do Yi didn’t look at Joo Nam when she walked out of the room. She didn’t listen to his nonsense about how Se Mi was probably fine, how Se Mi was just being dramatic to get her attention. She didn’t listen, for if she let his words get to her head, she could not guarantee that she wouldn’t turn and give him a slap that turned his head 360 degrees. How could he!? Do Yi seethed in her head. How could he say that about his own cousin!? Had he had no empathy at all?
She didn’t listen to him.
For she was consumed by the sound of her own heart breaking inside. So loud that she feared it would shatter her everything, too.
---
The Dan family was not prepared to see the scene before them.
They were not prepared to see the blood that stained their hyeongsu-nim’s ashen skin, or the wound that ruined her beautiful face, oozing red onto her eye, her cheek, covered her neck and wet her black shirt. Her red lipstick smeared…
There were cuts and bruises on her body, littered across the creamy white canvas.
Doctor said they had tried their best to stop the bleeding, but Se Mi needed surgery, stat.
Jang Se Mi was ruined.
Chi Kang didn’t waste a moment to sign the paper. He didn’t try to hold his wife’s hand. He knew better than that. But lord knew he wanted to. Se Mi looked so broken, so alone that it made him want to cry. But she didn’t need him. She needed his mother. His mother who was standing a foot too far, like she was afraid of getting close, like she was scared. His mother, who probably was beating herself up for this. Chi Kang stood there as the doctors closed the door to the operating room. He stood there and waited like every other.
He stood there, and prayed to God that Se Mi would come out of this alive.
---
Se Mi woke up to the familiarity of her own room, in her own home she shared with Chi Kang and Deung Myung. Her eyes were blurry. No, scratched that. Her left eye saw nothing but complete darkness. Se Mi groaned as she lifted a hand to touch her forehead and realized that she was covered in bandages. Her ears failed her, too. Se Mi let out a groggy, gruesome smile and dropped her arm back down, causing her to wince from the sudden pain that shot through her ribcage.
Pain.
At least this kind of pain was better than what she had to endure for 25 years.
“Eomma! You’re awake!”
She vaguely heard a squeal coming from her left side. Her good eyes could barely make out her son’s silhouette as he stood up straight, only to leaned back down to cry on her shoulder. She sighed. Deung Myung. Her little Deung Myung. He was the only reason why she fought to stay awake on the way to the hospital. He was her only reason to stay alive, for she didn’t have the heart to make him bury her so young. She couldn’t let him step into her footsteps, losing a mother too fast, too soon.
She didn’t talk. She didn’t say a thing. But her hand came up to rest on his shaking back. Deung Myung must have been so scared…
“Eomma…” He sobbed and her heart ached.
“Eomma is fine, Deung Myungie… Don’t cry.” She croaked out. Patting his hair as she said so. She was glad that it was Deung Myung and Deung Myung only who stayed. She didn’t know what to do if she had to face her husband’s family if it was the case. She didn’t know what to do if she had to face that woman again.
“Eomma… I… Let me call the doctor. Right… I should call the doctor, and father…”
Deung Myung was hurried to his feet, but Se Mi shook her head. “Don’t call your father.”
“Eomma…” he muttered sadly.
“Don’t call your father.” She repeated and tried to turn, but it hurt like hell. She let out a soft groan of pain. “Don’t bother him or any others.”
She didn’t look at her son when he silently sulked out of the room. In fact, she didn’t look at anything at all, because she knew he wouldn’t listen. When the door opened again, she heard Chi Kang and Chi Gam’s voices, discussing with the doctor who was examining her broken body. She felt a big hand holding her own. Not her husband’s. Not soft enough to be her son. She assumed it was Chi Jung. She always liked Chi Jung the most out of every in-law. He was a free spirit, but he cared. She didn’t have the heart to push him away.
At least it was not Baek Do Yi.
Se Mi pretended she was asleep.
It happened like that for weeks.
People would try to engage her in a conversation, or make her eat, or just got her to notice them. Se Mi didn’t have the energy to comply with them. She just stared mindlessly on the ceiling, counting days as even though it was meaningless by now. Counting days until they gave up and just left her the fuck alone.
Her body was getting thinner and thinner every single day passing by. Her bony fingers and her exhausted feet failed to get her to the bathroom door. Yet, she did not touch a thing Chi Kang brought her. The only thing she had in her stomach was the liquid food that was pushed straight through her nose by a tube after two weeks she refused to eat.
To most, it would be agonizing, but to Se Mi? Se Mi felt nothing. She felt nothing but an emptiness that had somehow spread so wide in her chest, to every nook and canny in her body. She was exhausted. She was so tired. She didn’t want to be like this anymore. But Death refused to take her with him. He condemned her to this life, giving her no way out, as a reprimand, a price for her sin of loving someone she shouldn’t.
It was week three that Baek Do Yi showed up.
It was week three that Se Mi accidently caught a glimpse of the woman who had shattered her heart, standing in the far corner of the room. Se Mi almost laughed. She wanted to open her mouth to ask: Where is Joo Nam. She wanted to ask: Are you here to laugh at me, Eomeonim? To rub salt into my bleeding wound? Is that what you are doing here? But Se Mi didn’t say anything at all. She just averted her eyes to the ceiling again, letting the pain submerge her in a numb state.
It was week four that Se Mi heard Baek Do Yi’s voice again.
“Alright. Enough is enough! Get up!”
Still that harsh tone. Still that demanding sound. Se Mi huffed out a laugh that got out as a hard cough. Never a shred of tenderness from Baek Do Yi. Only broken glasses stabbing into the bleeding flesh. Se Mi was used to that by now. Had it been Se Mi from before, she would feel like her world was crumbling down. But now? Now, Se Mi felt nothing. She didn’t even register that shout, she let it float in the air, let it dissipate for she didn’t give a fuck anymore. Baek Do Yi had lost the privilege to command Se Mi like a lapdog a long time ago.
It was week five when she snapped out of the reverie, hearing her name being called through the tears.
“Semi ah…”
She didn’t anticipate it to hurt that much. That was all she had ever wanted. And now that she had given up, Do Yi called her name. And like a badge at sea, catching the light of the lighthouse, Se Mi felt like she was being pulled to the shore.
A tear slipped down her cheek as she stayed silent. Frozen. Her traitorous heart was beating loudly in her ribcage. She didn’t know what to do. Why couldn’t Baek Do Yi leave her alone? Do Yi wanted her to be gone, she was trying. Why did she keep showing up and break Se Mi even more than she had already done?
“Semi ah… I’m sorry… Please, please look at me…”
A warm hand graced her cold skin and Se Mi shivered. She tried to shy away from the touch, but she was too weak to even mutter out that kind of strength. Not even so much as a flinch, but her eyes were screaming at Baek Do Yi to stay away.
‘Don’t touch me…’
‘Don’t call my name…’
Se Mi wanted to say, but her throat hurt so much because of the medical tube. She was begging Do Yi with her eyes, hoping the woman would just go away, but Do Yi being Do Yi was nothing but a force of nature, who always got what she wanted. Se Mi was forced to look at Do Yi now. she could not help it but let out a gasp of agony and pain. Was this her infinite torture?
“Semi ah… Please…”
Chair woman Baek was begging? Begging her? Se Mi wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Her heart ached when she took in the face of the woman that held her heart and crushed it cruelly. Do Yi looked like she didn’t have enough daylight. Her skin was pale, and she looked so much older than she actually was. Do Yi always took care of her appearance that this was shocking to see. Se Mi wanted to smirk at herself for letting a thought of Baek Do Yi becoming like this was because she’s worried for her.
Baek Do Yi never worried for Se Mi…
“Eomeonim… Leave me alone.”
Se Mi fought the hand that was cradling her cheek. Suddenly, the tiredness flooded her veins. She didn’t want to look at Do Yi. Didn’t want to know how Do Yi’s life had been going on. She didn’t want to know. It was hard enough to see Chi Kang sulking around. It was hard enough that her Deung Myung had to leave for filming. She didn’t need this in her life.
“No… No, Se Mi ah… Please… I’m sorry…”
It was too late. Se Mi wanted to say. It was too late. But what had gotten out of her mouth was: “Why, eomeonim? Why now…?”
Se Mi was crying freely now. Why now? now, when she had no hope left? Now, when she had given up? Was this what it took? Se Mi had to break into a million pieces to get Eomeonim’s attention? To be loved?
“I was not intended to hurt you, Semi ah… I was trying to… I don’t know… I was scared…”
“You were scared… So you hurt me…” Se Mi breathed out weakly. “You were scared… So you broke me…” The more she said it, the more it sounded like a joke. “You despite me, so you married my stupid cousin to spite me…” A hollow laugh escaped Se Mi’s lips. Her eyes were void of emotions. “What does he have that I don’t…?”
It was not a question for Do Yi to answer. It was more like Se Mi was asking herself. Voice full of wonder and filled with sadness.
“Is it because he’s a man…?” Se Mi tried to bury her face into the pillow but Do Yi’s hand was preventing that. So instead, Se Mi was nuzzling Do Yi’s palm. It hurt, but it felt good. It felt so warm, so inviting, so loving that Se Mi hated herself even more for letting herself relapse into this hell.
Se Mi knew. Not everybody was like her. Not everybody could love both men and women. Maybe Eomeonim was just… Maybe she didn’t swing that way. But thought back about it, thought back to when Se Mi was next to Eomeonim all the time, she thought she saw something. She thought she felt something, like Do Yi was looking at her, too. Like Do Yi loved her, too. Maybe, it was all in her head. Maybe Do Yi was right. She needed to meet a shrink. She thought if she tried hard enough, loved Do Yi with all her heart and soul, Do Yi would bat an eye to her, would accept her, and that would be more than enough.
But it was just her illusion…
Maybe Do Yi never looked her way…
Because Jang Se Mi was just a woman, a daughter-in-law, no less.
She was just being ridiculous in Do Yi’s eyes.
“I wish I was a man…” Se Mi muttered tiredly. “If I were a man, I would give Joo Nam a run for his money. That chimp in a human form… who has zero class, who is literally a child in a man’s body… He can never love you like I can… He can never take care of you like I do. If I were a man… Maybe… Just maybe, you will look my way and acknowledge my love…”
Everything inside Se Mi hurt. She didn’t know how to explain it, but her hand drifted up to press on her chest, like there was a bleeding hole there and she couldn’t stop it. She cried for the first time after the accident. She cried for the first time she returned to consciousness.
“Eomeonim… Eomeonim…” She sobbed into Do Yi’s palm. “Why must love hurt like this…?” She curled up despite the newly mended ribs. Nothing could hurt more than her heart right now. “Take my heart away… Eomeonim, burn it down, incinerate it… I don’t care. Make it stop.”
Se Mi cried and wailed, she cried until she felt a weight on her body that stunned her. Watery eyes snapped up to see it was Eomeonim, leaning down, embracing her as her forehead pressed on Se Mi’s shoulder. The place where Do Yi hid her face slowly wetted. Se Mi realized, Eomeonim was crying.
“Eomeonim…” She called weakly but Do Yi didn’t let go. The older woman held on to her. Her back shook with the withholding sobs. “Eomeonim, why are you like this?” Se Mi swallowed, uttered out brokenly. Why do you act like you are in pain? She wanted to ask.
“Semi ah…” Do Yi croaked out. “Semi ah, forgive me… I was a coward. I was a coward that ran away from the only good thing that happened to me after years. You are a Godsent and yet I was so scared. Scared because you are my son’s wife. Scared because I didn’t know how long I could hold it back until I snapped and took you for myself.”
Se Mi licked her lips, trying to comprehend what Do Yi was telling her. Her heart was racing. She didn’t know what to expect, but her chest was bursting out. This feeling was even more painful and more suffocating than the time she admitted her love for Do Yi at that party.
“I chose Joo Nam…” Do Yi murmured and paused. Se Mi could feel Do Yi wincing through the fabric, and her hand, despite her mind was telling it no, was running to Do Yi’s back and soothed up and down. It was an act of instinct. She could not fight it. Se Mi could not stand seeing Do Yi hurt. It was not in her nature. Not when she was created to love Do Yi and Do Yi only. “I chose Joo Nam because he was safe… That’s the one reason I cannot deny.”
Se Mi gritted her teeth.
“But Semi ah…” Do Yi mumbled: “I chose him, because I had hoped… I had hoped that he would remind me of you. He has your blood. I thought he could sooth the ache I feel for you. I thought he could replace you. A male version, of sort…” Do Yi was laughing. A laugh filled with pain and self-hatred. “I know it sounds terrible. Using him to fill your void because I was a coward. Using him and ended up hurting you… Semi ah… I’m a terrible person…”
Se Mi felt her breaths caught in her throat as Do Yi confessed. Was Do Yi trying to say…
“I didn’t know when… I didn’t know how… But I can’t live without you anymore, Semi ah… I can’t keep lying to myself any longer…”
Do Yi refused to look up. But Se Mi didn’t need to look into Do Yi’s eyes to know Do Yi was scared out of her mind and yet she was trying her best to be brave.
“When I heard about the accident, it felt like I’m free falling. It felt like I got hit by a truck.” Se Mi closed her eyes and dwelled in that memory. “When I saw you, broken and bruised on the hospital bed… It was too much. Too much that I couldn’t bring myself to face you. It took me three weeks, Semi ah… I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t breathe… I asked Chi Jung to tell me how you were. I was scared you didn’t want to see me, but I couldn’t stop myself any longer. I have to be with you. I have to know how you are doing…”
Do Yi’s trembling hand clutched on Se Mi’s blanket, where her thigh was, and Se Mi almost let out a whimper. The feeling of Do Yi touching her. It was enough. It was enough. Se Mi replayed those words like a mantra.
“I’m sorry, Semi ah… I’m sorry for hurting you so bad… I was scared…”
“I was scared… But I couldn’t deny that my heart is yours…”
Se Mi was crying freely now. She pulled Do Yi into a hug and Do Yi was gladly complied. It hurt to be pressed down, but Se Mi could not careless. She knew she shouldn’t let Do Yi off the hook so fast, but her traitorous heart told her otherwise. She clung on Do Yi like a lifeline and whimpered pathetically: “Eomeonim… Eomeonim…” Her heart bled out those words, just like how she had carved them twenty-five years ago. This was too good to be true.
If this was a dream, Se Mi didn’t want to wake up.
“Semi ah…”
Se Mi opened her eyes. She was compelled to do whatever Eomeonim wanted. She opened her eyes, though they were glinted and red with tears, but Do Yi could see the awe in Se Mi’s eyes just like before. So tender, so full of love and fear. Do Yi felt her heart broke a little.
“Semi ah… Jang Se Mi…”
It was no longer Deung Myung’s eomeonie, It was no longer Chi Kang’s wife that Do Yi was calling. It was Se Mi. Just Jang Se Mi. Like a woman calling her lover. Like Do Yi was ready.
“Come back to me… Semi…”
When their lips met, Se Mi swore she saw heaven and hell raging from above and below and yet she didn’t care. Though Eomeonim’s lips were chapped and dry, Se Mi greedily sucked on, feast on like it was her last meal. Do Yi let out a whimper and Se Mi immediately drawled back. “Eomeonim… Did I hurt you? I’m sorry…”
“Oh Semi… you could never hurt me…”
Do Yi rested their forehead together. Her breath ghosted over Se Mi’s glistening lips.
“Se Mi… Forgive me?”
If Jang Se Mi could, she would scream a thousand times ‘yes’.
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“Come back to me, Se Mi ah…”
After that faithful day, Baek Do Yi made it a mission to take care of a very weak Jang Se Mi, nursing her back to health. To one who never had to cook a day in a life, Do Yi tried. She tried to learn how to cook for Se Mi like Se Mi once did for her. It was hard work, and it took many cuts on her fingers for Do Yi to make Se Mi lunch.
When she brought the meal to Se Mi’s room, Chi Kang and Chi Jung were there.
It brought her a great sense of relief that Chi Kang understood. He understood and agreed to step aside. He loved Se Mi too much to cage her in a marriage without love coming from both sides, so he proposed a divorce. Se Mi felt guilty, but after Chi Kang and Chi Jung and even Deung Myung talked her down, she signed the paper. Se Mi refused to take anything Chi Kang offered her, but Chi Kang insisted that they split their assets and Se Mi eventually caved. They remained on good terms. Chi Kang was taking care of Se Mi when Do Yi was busy and it felt like they were truly a family now.
“Semi ah… let’s have lunch.” She dropped a kiss on Se Mi’s forehead and started plating everything on the small table in front of Se Mi. Se Mi was still too weak to get out of bed, so this would have to make do. “I cooked this myself…”
Do Yi cleared her throat when three set of eyes fell on her.
“Eomma… Are you sure you’re not trying to poison Hyeongsu-nim?” Chi Jung, ever the big mouth, exclaimed.
Do Yi was not even ready to fire back a remark when Se Mi slapped Chi Jung’s arm and chided good naturedly: “Stop it. If you don’t eat, the more for me. Eomeonim, thank you, I will eat with gratefulness.”
“Oh nonsense, hyeongsunim! I’ll have some, too!” Chi Jung laughed and picked up the spoon when he saw his brother doing the same. Chi Kang was trying to help Se Mi eat, but his mother pushed him away and announced with rosy cheeks: “I can take it from here, son.”
Chi Kang shook his head and fetched another set of utensils. He watched carefully as Se Mi happily munched on the spoon his mother fed her. It surprised him. It must be good, for Se Mi was a very picky eater. Chi Kang thought it was safe to eat.
Apparently, he was wrong.
The look on his face matched the grimace on Chi Jung when the food touched their tongues. How Se Mi could swallow this, Chi Kang didn’t know. He fought to swallow it back down, but it proved to be a challenge. Too salty. A bit raw. God… Chi Kang almost cried.
But unlike Chi Kang, who could actually keep his mouth shut, Chi Jung nearly screamed and jumped out of the bed. He pointed at their mother and yelled: “Umma, are you trying to kill Hyeongsunim??? Hyeongsunim ah! Spit it out! This is not human food!”
Se Mi blinked up innocently: “I think it’s amazing.”
“No, don’t lie to her. You’re gonna die if you keep eating this!”
Do Yi frowned and made an attempt to taste for herself, but Se Mi widened her eyes and snatched the spoon. “No!”
Do Yi’s eyes twitched: “It’s that bad?”
“It’s good! See? I’m enjoying it. Eomeonim…”
Se Mi solved the rice into her mouth in Chi Kang and Chi Jung’s horror.
“Mom, stop her!”
It didn’t take long for Se Mi’s face to turn red. “Spit it out!”
Do Yi took that moment as Se Mi lost her caution to taste the soup. She spat out in a second and almost tried to pry Se Mi’s mouth open: “Jang Se Mi! Don’t you dare swallow it!”
“I’m fine Eomeonie…” Se Mi tried to talk through her teary eyes.
“Like hell you’re fine! Next time, tell me!”
Se Mi stubbornly swallowed and dropped back to bed, breathing labored.
“Jesus…” Chi Jung patted Se Mi’s shoulder as she tried to regain her breaths. “Mom, just buy it or have the maids do it. It’s fine. Hyeongsunim knows you love her anyway.”
The four of them didn’t notice Deung Myung was standing at the door. On his face was a happy grin. At least his mother found happiness she was desperately craving for.