Work Text:
“Close the door, girl. You’re letting all the heat out,” Baghra called out with the familiar bite in her tone.
Alina took another steadying breath before she closed the door behind her and, with measured steps, went further into the weathered wooden hut.
The June warmth was forced to remain outside, while the inside of the hut remained unchanged from how she remembered it. Cold and inhospitable. During her first couple of lessons, she wondered what would happen if Baghra one day would simply disappear – it was clear that Baghra didn’t teach because she loved watching her students learn – and someone new would take over teaching in this hut. Would it then feel warmer, or would the cold, forbidding presence of Baghra always be felt?
No doubt the hypothetical new teacher wouldn’t even want to teach in the hut, but would use one of the classrooms in the Little Palace instead. Making sure that Baghra’s fearsome teaching style remained a memory of the past and to ensure that his or her students would actually want to spend time in their presence.
Baghra’s less-than-friendly personality was why it took this long before she felt ready to come here again, even though she had been thinking about it since she got back to the Little Palace. But she couldn’t confront her with the brashness and immaturity that ruled her during their lessons. Baghra would never give her the answers she needed if she acted like that.
But things had changed in the seven months since the Winter Fete.
She and Aleksander had finally found their way back to each other – and the last three months, since they continued what they started that night in his rooms, had been the happiest she had ever been. Even with all the public appearances the Tsar commanded her to do – visits to the theatre, hospitals, orphanages and state dinners – in order to help boost the Lantsovs’ popularity. Thankfully Aleksander had been ordered to accompany her everywhere she went. The Tsar never suspected that the two of them were using every public appearance to boost their own popularity.
“So you finally managed to escape your gilded cage, girl,” Baghra said from her chair.
Ignoring Baghra’s waspish tongue, knowing now she used it to manipulate and destabilise anyone that went against her belief on how the world should be, Alina settled down in the chair opposite her.
“I didn’t need to escape, Baghra. Aleksander knows exactly where I am,” she said in a calm, even voice.
A brief second or two of silence was the only sign she could discern of Baghra’s surprise before she said, “And he let you near me. He always was a foolish boy.”
“Aleksander doesn’t let me do anything,” she said with intensity, showing Baghra that her ploy wasn’t working. “He trusts me and knows that I need to meet you on my own.”
Baghra’s hands tightened on her cane. “Say what you came here for, girl, and then leave. I have no interest in teaching you again,” she snapped.
“I’m not here for a lesson. I’m here for answers,” Alina said firmly, remembering that Aleksander told her she couldn’t show any vulnerability to his mother. “I want to know why you only told me who Aleksander is the night of the Winter Fete. We spent a few hours almost every day together. You had months to tell me, and yet you never did. Why?”
“I didn’t know you,” Baghra said with cold-hardened bluntness, not even bothering to look at her as she spoke.
Anger flared up in her chest. How could this be the reason? She had resolved to herself that she would remain calm in this meeting, unwilling to let Baghra get the upper hand again. Forcing down her anger, barely able to resist the impulse to start shouting. She instead narrowed her eyes.
“You never tried,” she accused her. “All you had to do was make a little effort, but in all those months, you never even tried.”
“Are you still looking for a mother, girl?” Baghra mocked cruelly. “If you are still weak enough to want someone to hold you, it’s best that you leave.”
No matter what Baghra just said, that wasn’t something she was willing to do, and she remained in her seat, keeping her gaze on the other woman.
Baghra let out a huff to show how annoyed she was by her behaviour before fixing her with piercing eyes as she leaned towards her. “I didn’t tell you the truth because I don’t care what happens to you. The stag’s discovery forced my hand. You can’t see it, but I grasp how it will affect things. Your decision to continue to remain here, staying in his bed, proves that you’re blind to how power-hungry and monstrous he is. I couldn’t stand by and let that stupid boy get too powerful!”
Alina could handle Baghra’s biting remarks about herself, but not about Aleksander. Not after all he told about their relationship over the centuries. The long conversations they held in the dead of night, the grief and pain in his voice as he told her about his past. Wanting her to get the know who he really was.
“You’re wrong. You are the one who is blind, not me,” Alina insisted.
Baghra opened her mouth, no doubt to mock her more, but Alina pressed on. “If in all those centuries you had ever actually shown some interest in your son and gotten to know him, you would know he has a heart full of love, hope and generosity. There is nothing monstrous about him! And as for him being power-hungry, I know he could have made numerous grabs for the crown and have himself crowned as the next Tsar. He could have ruled with ruthlessness and fear, but he knew how much death and destruction would come from such a decision, so instead, he has been doing everything he could to bring change in a peaceful manner.”
She couldn’t help but think of Aleksander and the Tsars he had served, continuously hoping that the reigning Tsar looked favourable to the Grisha that served him, that he at least cared for the Ravkan citizens and not just about himself. How many times did Aleksander have to swallow down the insults, the mockery, the horror stories that people told about him?
Baghra’s eyes were hard and unyielding as she said, “Do not lecture me, girl. I have raised that boy. I protected him long before your ancestors drew their first breath.”
“You are a neglectful parent, Baghra!” Alina snapped back. “How else did you miss the bags under his eyes? That man works at all hours, forgoing sleep, his meals, just so that he can keep on working to keep this country from falling apart, to always remain attentive and watchful so that he is prepared lest our neighbours turn on us,” she said with ardent conviction, wanting Baghra to see what Aleksander had been dealing with, for the most part, on his own.
She herself had only truly figured out how much weight was on his shoulders in the weeks since they began talking again. One evening, she had gone to his rooms, knowing that he would be alone and that they could eat their dinner together. Instead of being charmed by her suggestion, Aleksander at first looked surprised, like he forgot the time, which didn’t shock her – she knew that he was consumed by his duties – but what did concern her was that he admitted to how rarely he actually sat down to eat a meal.
Which would not do. She had immediately asked the first maid that passed the room to go to the kitchens and bring back dinner for two, and every day afterwards, she had made sure that Aleksander ate a full meal at least once a day.
“If you had actually acted as the mother he deserved to have, you would know that he’s one of the best people you could ever know!” Alina said, but all Baghra did was turn to the small burning fire in the corner of the hut.
Perhaps Aleksander was right. Baghra was too set in her ways to change. With that thought in mind, Alina abruptly got up and walked towards the door.
“Alina,” Baghra suddenly spoke up.
She froze mid-movement; her hand was halfway pushing the door handle down. Standing in utter disbelief. This was the first time Baghra called by her name.
“Be better to Aleksander than I have been,” Baghra continued to say. “And also to the child you are carrying.”
Alina’s hand immediately splayed over her stomach.
A part of her had already suspected that this was happening – the nausea, the tenderness of her breasts, and how tired she had been lately, were all signs she knew from her reading that she should look out for – while another part had been working hard to deny it. For it was not in any way safe for her to be pregnant right now. They were still in the beginning phase of their plans. What if the Tsar learned of what they planned to do? His first strike back would be to the most vulnerable, and her pregnancy and her connection to Aleksander would make her an important target.
Without acknowledging Baghra or her words, Alina opened the door and walked out. She needed to find Aleksander immediately.