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Chapter Text

Ludger’s mouth hung open as sobs wrenched his body so violently it would have been painful if not for the greater ache lodging itself inside his chest. There were surely gasps from the onlookers, but all Ludger could hear was a delicate melody so close to him it might as well have been Julius’ heartbeat and the faint ticking of a clock. Two clicks, then his vision went momentarily black. There Julius was, fallen so that he lay cradled in his arms. He looked so fragile now, a side of him Ludger had never been accustomed. The black mark on his hand obscured his vision as it wiped tears away.

“How long has it been since I’ve seen you cry? I had hoped I never would again.”

“Julius…” Ludger’s voice was scratchy.

“Stop that now. You need to be strong, for her sake.”

“I know that. But, Julius…”

“It’s okay. You don’t need me anymore. With this I send you off. I’ve given all that I could.”

“Why did it have to be this way?”

His brother’s hand cupped his check. It should have been comforting, but it felt rough and cold. Unnatural. “Because we are Kresniks. It wasn’t all bad. We had each other.”

“I love you.”

“And I you, my little brother. Promise me one last thing.” Even his back covered in clothes felt cold in Ludger’s grasp now. But the clock was still ticking.

“Anything,” he choked out.

“Protect…her…” His hand fell, eyes glazing over.

“Julius?” Ludger shook him. “Julius?” He shook him again. The ticking had stopped. “Julius!” He cried out, loud and wailing. It didn’t matter that his friends witnessed his anguish. Nothing mattered now except for saving Elle. When he had no more tears to shed, and the sky loomed darker than before with the real night mingling with the shadow of Canaan, he rose, tipping his face toward the purple sphere. “I will, Julius. I will protect her, even if it is the last thing I do.”

Chapter Text

Ludger grabbed Milla’s wrist before she could run away. She struggled against his grip, eyes frantic. “Let me go.”

“Not until you realize that we care about you.”

“That’s not true!” There were tiny forming tears in her eyes. “Everyone only cares about the real Maxwell.”

“I care about you.”

She ceased struggling, tilting her head so that her bangs shielded her eyes. “Easy for you to say. You’ve never met the other Milla.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’d still pick you.”

“How can you say that so easily?” It came out harsh, but he could tell it was from embarrassment. That more than anything was why he ended up dropping her wrist to brush her bangs aside, stare longingly into her pink eyes and graze her lips with his own ever so slightly.  She jerked away, startled, eyes tinted a deeper shade of red.

“You…” She touched her lips, cheeks heated.

“I don’t want you to die. Ever.”

“Ludger…I…” She smiled, and her eyes creased. “Thank you.” He returned her smile, readying to embrace her. “It doesn’t change anything, though.” His smile fell. “She’s the one you need.”

She leaned in, giving him a second kiss. “It would have been nice if things didn’t have to be this way.”

“I’m so sorry, Milla. If only there was another way.”

“It’s okay. The thought is enough.”

Chapter Text

Duval’s stagnant atmosphere clung heavily with the stench of booze, and sleazy jazz music filtered through it from a glowing spyrix. Jude had never been one for the bar scene, but as bars went he guessed this wasn’t the worse he had seen. It would have been ten times worse if not for his company. The said man was hunched over, clearly already having taken in excessive amounts of alcohol. Jude chuckled lightly unsure whether it was time to cut him off or not. It wasn’t like he even knew his own alcohol tolerance let alone Alvin’s.

“Alvin?” he asked hesitantly.

The man jolted with a groan. “Come on drink.” He offered his half-empty glass of bourbon.

“No, I’m still good from that wine earlier.”

“Sissy drink.”

Jude smiled. Leave it to Alvin to uphold masculine standards. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough yourself?”

“No way!” He waved his glass through the air. It surely would have spilled droplets if not for its current low level. “I’m just getting started.”

The doctor sighed. How had he let himself be talked into this again? Oh yeah, apparently it was Alvin’s mother’s birthday. Jude had offered to spent time with him so that he wouldn’t have to been alone. However, Alvin had a keen knack for hiding his true feelings. He had been nothing but chipper all day. Alcohol’s alluring escapism had been discussed often in his medical textbooks. It couldn’t be more obvious that that was what Alvin was doing.

“Alvin,” the doctor began again, reaching out a hand to still Alvin’s swinging own. The older man grunted at the restriction. “Are you alright?”

His eyes squinted in annoyance before he drawled, “Yeaaah. Didn’t you hear me? I have a high,” he hiccupped, “tolerance for booze.”

Jude met his eyes with persistence. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

Alvin set his glass down, sighing too seriously. Running his hand through his previously styled bangs, he said in a low tone, “Damn it, Jude. This isn’t helping.”

“And drinking until you’re dumb in the face is?”

“Shit. It’s not like I want to be this way.”

“Then don’t be.”

Alvin slammed the glass down of the table just gentle enough not to crack it. “And what the hell am I supposed to be like then?”

Jude shifted his eyes, unable to meet the frustration he saw. “I…I don’t know. I want to help.”

“Well, you can’t. At least not with this. There’s no changing the past.”

Jude clenched his fist. “Exactly. Why are you letting it suck the future from you as well?”

“That’s rich coming from lover boy here who’s unable to move on after his girlfriend abandoned him.”

“She didn’t abandon me. I could if I wanted to.”

“Glad to hear it,” he said sarcastically. “At least one of us isn’t fucked up.”

“Just stop. Alvin, you aren’t fucked. You are a fine person the way you are.”

“Do you define fine as a lying, backstabbing, lowlife?”

“That’s not you anymore.”

“Keep buttering me up, and I might take the bait.”

“What are you talking about? Come on, I should take you home.”

“Sounds nice.” It was a lulling sound. Not knowing what to make of it, Jude ignored it as he placed Alvin’s arm over his shoulder so that he could lean against him.

They staggered out into the cool night air after a quick wave to the bartender who eyed them quizzically. Jude vaguely wondered what the man had thought of their exchange, but he didn’t spend too much thought on the matter; the business man was heavy enough to lug around.

It wasn’t a long walk to Alvin’s new apartment but the stillness of the air made it feel that much longer. A few times Jude caught Alvin sniffing near his hair. It might have freaked him out if the other man wasn’t drunk. Finally an overhead spryrix lamp illuminated the front steps to his complex building.

Jude shoved the other man. “We’re here.”

“Oh, good.” Alvin sounded anything but pleased.

“Need help getting inside?” Alvin didn’t answer, so Jude decided it was best to do so. Getting him up the steps was a bit of a hassle, but he managed alright. He paused again outside the apartment door. He watched his friend open the door before shifting awkwardly. “Well, good night.”

Alvin’s eyes widened with desperation. “Please stay!”

Jude took a step back in surprise. “Uh, okay.” He settled himself on the sofa watching his friend, who sat himself across from him. After a long silence, Jude asked, “so, what did you have in mind?”

“You don’t want to see inside my mind, kid.” Jude gulped uncomfortably. “Why did you pick Milla?”

“Huh? That’s-she’s Milla.” He laughed knowing that there wasn’t a better way to explain it.

“She sure is something. Smitten enough that it has to be her?”

“What is with the sudden interest in my love life?” The serious expression in his friend’s eyes unsettled him.

“There’s nothing sudden about it? Why Jude?”

“I-“

“Why couldn’t it be me?” His eyes were sad now, incredibly broken.

The doctor gulped. “You like me?”

“For a while, kid.”

“So, you weren’t just making jokes. It sure is difficult to tell with you.” He laughed nervously.

“She’ll never be there for you. I not be entirely dependable, but I’m the one that could keep your bed warm.” Jude’s face automatically flushed. “Can’t you pick me, Jude? You said you could move on. Why not with me?”

“I-“ Alvin was right, he wasn’t the most dependable person. He also wasn’t the nicest or the most trustworthy. But he was also right that Milla would never truly be there for him, even though she might like to. “I can try.”

For the first time that day Alvin’s smile looked sincere. “Thank you, Jude. Thank you for everything.”

Chapter Text

Jude closed his eyes, focusing in on the feel of the air surrounding him. It stirred, circling just the tiniest bit across his skin. It was during these short moments that he felt close to Milla once again. She was truly Maxwell now, so it wasn’t crazy to think he could feel her divinity through nature, was it? Sometimes he wondered. But it was the best he had, so he always shook the thought off as unimportant.

It wasn’t like he never saw her, but she was absent more than present, and to say that it didn’t put a strain on him emotionally would be a lie. He was strong, he was practical, but he couldn’t help wanting for more. It was human nature after all. And sometimes that was what bothered him the most, the fact that their separation bothered him more than it did her.

“Oh, hi, Jude,” came a voice to his left, and Jude flicked his eyes open.

“Elize? What are you doing in Fenmont?”

The young girl clasped her hands. “We’re having a field trip.” Sure enough she was in a cute little purple uniform. As cute as she looked, she also looked dignified.

“My, look at you. So grown up.”

A slight blush set on her cheeks. “Thanks.”

“Has Alvin seen you like this yet? He’d eat it up.”

“Humph.” She stuck her nose up indignantly. “As if I would show anything to that jerk.”

“Don’t be like that. He cares for you a lot, you know.”

She lowered her face. “Yeah, well…”

“You’re lucky to have him.”

“Missing Milla?” she asked softly.

“Always,” he replied without thought. The girl fidgeted. “But it’s okay,” he quickly added.

“At least it makes the time you do spend together special. It’s romantic in a way.” She sounded wistful, and Jude couldn’t help the small smile that spread upon his face.

“I guess it is in a way. Still, it’s nice having someone there when you want them.”

Elize wrinkled her brow, in a moment of thought. Then she sighed. “Think I’ve been too hard on Alvin?”

Jude chuckled and pat the girl’s head.

“What’s that for?” she pouted.

“You’re a good girl.”

She stamped her foot. “Don’t treat me like a child. Didn’t you say I was grown up?”

“That I did. I’ll always think of you as a kid, though.”

“Unfair.”

“Thanks. I feel a bit better now.”

Her face softened. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Yeah. So…uh, is it okay for you to be hanging around like this?”

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I got distracted.” She glanced around then slumped her shoulders. “I don’t see them anywhere. What do I do?”

“You might as well skip at this point.”

“Wow, Jude. I thought you were more responsible than that.”

“Sometimes. Occasionally you need a break. It makes responsibility that much more romantic. Right?" He smiled wryly.

She giggled.

“Thanks again for walking me home,” Elize said, inclining her head politely.

“No problem. The fresh air helps clear my mind.”

She walked through the front gate and started to pull it shut before calling out. “Oh, and Jude. Don’t forget we’re all here for you!”

He could feel a warmth filling his chest. Maybe it was Milla. Maybe it was Elize’s words. “I know. Thanks, Elize.” He smiled gently.

She smiled back before scampering up the path. He watched until she had disappeared inside the mansion. While he couldn’t always have Milla, he would always have friends. His walk back to Fenmont was accompanied by a peaceful sentiment.

Chapter Text

Alvin stood at the foot of the girl’s bed. Her hair was down and tossed across the pillow haphazardly in blonde streaks he could just make out in the dimly moonlit room. She breathed quietly, looking like a peaceful angel when only an hour ago she had been yelling at him for not removing his gun. Thinking back to it, he fingered the pistol on his left side, felt the cool structure. A slight shiver curved up his spine at the memory of the first time he’d used it. That had been a late night as well. But the color he had made out of the darkness were red, not blonde.

Something changed in him that day, naivety replaced with a guarded shell of cynicism. Blood was on his hands, and the burden of deceit followed. Aside from Jude, Elize, and the others he had never even hoped to form a bond with anyone. They were either out to exploit or abuse you. He’d been fine alone with his broadsword and gun, a reminder of what he had done and could continue doing. They were a sin he carried, but also an assurance that it didn’t matter what state of hell the world became; he’d be fine.

But then Jude went and put his faith in him—such naiveté to trust so easily. Alvin did his job—done what he had to do—but for the first time, he didn’t feel good doing it. Then there was Elize, who never let him play his actions down. If anything gave voice to his conscious it was her. She was the one that made him really want to change, to wash the blood from his hands instead of simply wiping it off on the next guy.

She was relentless on him, always seeking proof that he had really changed. He didn't blame her for wanting him to part with his gun—even if only for a short time. He wasn’t a murderer—at least not by choice—he didn’t need it. But the pistol had become an extra limb over time, a protection.

He moved closer so that he could brush a hand over the girl’s banes. They were soft and reminded him of how innocent Elize might have been if it weren’t for her tragic beginning and how righteous she was in spite of it. She shifted under his hand, her mouth mumbling something incoherently. A tender smile formed on his lips.

“I’m mighty proud of you, you know? You were a frightened kid back when I met you, but now you’re turning into a feisty woman. You and Jude are exceptional, believing in a goon like me. That kid’s a real idiot to trust me so blindly. But you—you keep pushing me cause you know I can be a better person.”

He laughed wryly, remembering when the world did seem like a hopeful place. It was ironic that he chose now of all times to tell her. She would hear none of it, and that was probably the only reason he could tell her. There were only two constants in his life: that he was a good liar, and an even better shot.

 “I’m trying here, Elize. I want to become the sort of person you believe I can be. This gun, though, it’s a part of the package, a second skin.”

She rolled over, facing him, and he just watched for a moment, her young feminine features alluring in the delicate moonlight. “I’ll stay here by your side, and I’ll keep protecting you in any way I can. But there’s only so much I can change and still be myself.”

He leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. “Goodnight, princess.” Slowly, he walked to the door, glancing over his shoulder at her one last time before shutting the door.

Elize sighed, stretching her limbs out a bit. That jerk! If he was planning on being heartfelt, then he should do it to her face. Her chest felt tingly, and she wasn’t sure what to do with it. Part of her wanted to get up and go after him, to tell him that only degenerates reveal their secrets to someone asleep, while the other wanted to hug him and tell him that she understood that he was trying his best. She chose to do neither, for the sake of keeping his confession private. Placing a hand on her chest and breathing in the lingering smell from his clothes, she decided to let him off the hook. This time.

Chapter Text

“Big brother, I’m scared,” the little boy whispered as he opened the bedroom door. Faint thunder could be heard in the distance, but it had settled down from the pounding of a few minutes ago.

Julius set his book down. With a small smile, he pat the mattress next to him. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

“Un.” The little boy nodded his head, looking considerably less frightened. Scampering onto the bed beside his brother, he gave him silent, pleading eyes.

“What’s this now? Want a bedtime story?”

Ludger nodded.

“Once upon a time there was a man who had a brother. He loved his brother more than life itself.” He paused, petting Ludger on the head. “Their family was cursed, and all sorts of evil men were out to use the power that came with it. In order to protect the brother so dear to him, the man sacrificed himself.”

Ludger’s eyes widened with childish worry.

“He turned himself in to one of the evil men, saying that he would do anything asked of him if only his brother would be spared. The evil man agreed and began to send the man on horrible missions. You see, his power was to travel into other dimensions that the evil man saw as unnatural. Because of this, he ordered the man to destroy the dimensions, and kill the people that lived there in the process.”

“That’s horrible!” Ludger’s eyes were still wide.

Julius shifted onto his side so that he was facing him. “Yes, it was. It hurt him each time he was forced to destroy a dimension, but he could put up with that pain if it meant sparing the same pain for his brother. That’s how much he cared about him.”

When Julius didn’t continue, Ludger pouted. “Then what happened?”

“Then?” Julius closed his eyes in thought. “Well…his brother found out. After years of working in secrecy, he was caught in the act.”

“But how? Wouldn’t he be in the other dimension?”

“Yes, but his brother has the curse as well, and wound up in the same dimension at the same time. Of course his brother was horrified by what he saw: his brother’s spear sticking right through another person. The man tried to explain, but his brother was too upset to listen…And so, his brother went to the very people the man had tried to protect him from. The evil man told him to start destroying the dimensions, and so, the brother felt the same pain as the man. The man searched for his brother, feeling great sadness knowing that he had failed to protect him, yet his brother always seemed out of reach. Finally, after a very long time, they met. His brother now understood why he had done the things that he did welcomed him back with open arms. The man was trilled, yet he was still unhappy because he had still failed. His brother noticed this and tried to cheer him up. I’m the one that got myself into this situation, not you, he said. You did everything you could. This made the man cry bittersweet tears…The problem of the dimensions still remained, but there was nothing they could do about that. The evil man said that every dimension had to be destroyed in order to save their own. Neither the man nor his brother knew if this was true, but they resolved themselves to finish the job. It was painful, but at least they were there to shoulder each other’s burden.”

Just then thunder rolled loudly in the distance, and Ludger latched himself onto Julius’ chest. The older man wrapped his arm around him protectively.

“Shh…” he soothed, trailing reassuring circles on his back. “I’ll always be here for you.”

The smaller boy whimpered quietly until the noise quieted. “Thanks,” he said, wiping away a tear.

“Anytime.”

Chapter Text

“I love you, Alfred.”

The first words he remembers hearing.

“I wish Alfred were here. I love him so and haven’t told him in such a long time.”

The last words he has heard his mother speak. Directed at him. At Alfred.

But he is no longer Alfred, now only half the man he was. Now Alvin. A man without rules or morals or attachments.

At least that is what he tells himself time and again. When the wounds ache and he tries his best to scratch out the discharge and cover them with a bandage of lies. Lies he half believes until he makes the poorest decision he can (or is it actually the best? He isn’t sure of anything anymore) and teams up with a boy adept and bountiful beauty. Until all his lies are ripped clean from his wounds so that they fester and bruise. Until his dreams are once again haunted by blood he cannot wash off his hands and his mother’s voice and arm reaching in vain for a son that no longer exist (at least not as she remembers and wants him). Until his heart is beating hard in his chest more often than not and his eyes are constantly surveying for damages taken by his companions, even if he covers both with a disinterested stare. Until his arm hanging off Jude’s shoulder feels familiar and welcoming. Until Milla turns her back to him each battle out of trust that he will take care of the rear. Until there is a young girl who he cannot help but want to see happy and protected.

But by then it is too late. He is already a traitor trapped in his own mess. He has his mother to think about—he’s all she has. Jude and Milla—even Elize—can take care of themselves.

He comes crawling back to them. Because he knows it is right and because he wants to. It’s one of the few things he has truly wanted to do since his mother got sick. It is entirely selfish, even if he is helping their cause and looking out for their well-being. It can’t be anything less when he looks at them with the eyes he does and touches them with the hands he does. Milla and Jude already have each other—he has no right to butt in. And Elize—don’t even get him started on Elize. She is young and innocent and bitter. So very bitter with him, and he accepts all of it. Embraces it. It is exactly what he deserves, and somehow Jude’s complete, naïve forgiveness hurts more. He could never touch Elize, not in any way that matters. Not because she is so young—though that is definitely part of it—but she has already had her fair share of troubles and has no need for his excess baggage. She deserves kindness and butterfly kisses and endless love. So he will take all the bitterness she can dish out because it is the one way he can be close to her and be acceptable. He is the big jerk.

He is her big jerk.

Then Milla is gone and all that’s left is an emptiness gnawing at his chest. Because his mother is already gone and the near-lifeless Jude is as good as gone. Because he knows it is partially his fault. Because he blames Jude as much as he loves him. Because he misses Milla more than he would like to admit. Because his life is nothing but shit.

He cracks, his wounds bubbling up and spilling everywhere. His mouth is a vile thing saying words he doesn’t mean, hands stained a permanent red as they do what it is they are best at. He’s aiming at Jude with bloodlust, bloodshot eyes, and bloodied mind. His heart is about to explode when Leia falls, when he realizes exactly what he is doing, how close he was to losing Jude. How close he was to really taking the path of no return.

Leia is fine. Jude is forgiving. Milla is alive again.

All should have been right in the world, but it can’t with him still in it. Instead of feeling better, he only feels worse. Nothing he’s done his entire life seems worth it anymore. All he has to show for himself are these companions, who somehow care for him just not in the way he wishes.

Finally he’s cleaned up his act for good. He’s doing honest work for honest pay. He thinks that maybe this means that one day he’ll stop seeing red. That Milla’s absence will seem like a blessed opportunity to confront Jude instead of a hole in his chest. That Elize’s change from calling him “a lying jerk” to “a sleazy flirt” is an improvement. That one day he can finally stop telling lies just as they all seem to think he has already done. That one day when one of them catches him staring off into the distance and asks what’s wrong he will be able to answer truthfully. That one day his love might just disappear, because really it would probably be easier that way. On him as well as everyone else.

But silently, ever so silently, he also hopes. Hopes that one day things might be entirely different. That Elize will smile at him the way she does Jude. That Milla will give him the same looks she does Jude. That Jude will follow him around like a puppy dog.

He hopes when his dreams are pleasant. But mostly they are not.

“Have you seen Alfred? I haven’t seen him in such a long time.”

“It’s me, Mom. It’s Alfred.”

“What are you talking about? You aren’t Alfred. You shouldn’t make jokes like that. It is cruel.”

“No, you are the one who’s cruel!”

Chapter Text

Ludger is too high on relief to remember exactly how things ended up as they did. He remembers ugly blackness marring Julius’ skin and the man himself ordering him to kill him in harsh breaths. He remembers Elle’s fragile frame cradled in his arms and her trusting eyes a silent prayer that he would do what was right. Ludger can’t remember if what he did was right—or what he did at all really—but things are as they are now and, for him at least, everything finally feels right again. Except that there is still a tension in the air and crawling beneath his skin. It’s been there for a long time, trapped in a box that was shut tight until he almost lost both people he cares about most in the world. The tension is there now, and it refuses to let Ludger ignore it any longer.

“Let’s go home,” he says, each of his hands finding one of theirs. Elle’s eyes sparkle from newfound mirth. (Because for her the concept of home was destroyed the moment she saw the true face of her father, saw him for who he really was, and then saw him wither and die. Because, though she already loved Ludger before she knew she was his daughter, she never thought he would accept her so readily). Julius’ eyes soften with ill-concealed catharsis. And Ludger, he just takes these emotions in and squeezes their hands, blessed to still have his family intact.

When they get there, there is brief awkwardness since there are only two bedrooms, but Ludger is quick to decide entirely on his own that he will room with Julius until something else is worked out. Julius bites his lip, fighting with himself to object outright or not.

“She’s a growing girl, so it makes sense for her to have the single room. Unless you are against it?” His words are coupled with challenging eyes which go unnoticed by Elle but not Julius, who tugs at the end of his glove uncomfortably.

Bouncing on the balls of her feet, Elle goes to the nearest doorway. “This was your room right, Ludger? Can I go in and reorganize?”

“Sure, Elle,” Ludger says, patting her head. “I’ll get some of my things out later, but for now just make yourself at home.”

With a delighted laugh, she runs off to do just that, leaving behind a denser tension. Julius turns his body to the side, as if he is uncomfortable just being alone in a room with Ludger, let alone a bedroom.

“Julius, we need to talk.”

“About?”

“Not here. Elle might hear.”

Julius tugs at his glove again but relents with a sigh. “Alright. We can talk in my room.”

As soon as they are inside, Ludger shuts the door and locks it which earns him a nervous look from his brother.

“Why are you locking it? Surely, this isn’t something that needs to be kept secret from Elle so thoroughly?” He shifts again, hoping the topic is not what he dreads it is.

Ludger looks up, eyes unreadable. “What are your feelings for me?”

“My feelings?”

“Julius.” Het sets hard eyes on him.

“Please don’t do this.”

“I’ve heard you. The things you do.”

Julius stumbles backward, back knocking into the bedframe. “Dear god. This can’t be happening.” He fingers along the frame, as if checking that it is solid and thus reality.

“Julius,” Ludger approaches him, cornering him against the bed, “I need you to tell me the truth. Why do you do it? Why do you call my name when you touch yourself?”

“I…” He closes his eyes, gripping the frame tightly. “Because I can’t help it. Because I…love you.” This isn’t the confession Ludger wanted to hear. It is painful, tight and wretched. This isn’t a love confession but one of shame.

Ludger steps even closer, taking hold of Julius’ chin so he can stare right at him. “Is that true? Do you really love me?” Julius nods weakly. “Then tell me like you mean it.”

Julius closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath. Then, on a shaky, impassioned breath he repeats the words. Then again, still with eyes closed.

Ludger balls a fist, fighting the urge to hit something. Instead, he jerks Julius’ chin to him and kisses at him fervently. Julius is still at first, almost lifeless, but then he responds, with explorative lips and tongue and roaming hands which find his hair and tug. Ludger pushes back until Julius’ legs are bending against the bedframe and they tumble backwards onto the mattress, Ludger straddling his thighs.

Julius swipes a thumb across Ludger’s cheek, staring at him with such sentimental eyes that Ludger isn’t sure if he wants to yell or cry. Balling both fists, he pounds them down onto his brother’s chest. “You jerk! You were so unfair, keeping this from me for so long.”

“I know.” He says the words quietly with a simplicity which only upsets Ludger further.

“No, you don’t. I…I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure. I almost lost you tonight and I never would have known. How would you feel if I did that to you?”

“But Ludger—”

He shakes his head, refusing to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to hear it. You must have loved me for such a long time, and yet you were selfish.”

Julius turns his own eyes away, shame filling him to the brink. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to think of me differently, or worse, to hate me.”

Ludger leans down and forces him into a crushing kiss. His lips smash against his, biting and sucking till he is sure they will be red and swollen. “I could never hate you. You are my brother, and,” he shifts to a sultry tone that makes his tongue tingle, “I love you, too.”

Now Julius looks ready to cry, face nearly ashen, eyes squeezed shut, forehead muscles convulsing. Ludger hums that song—their song, now associated with painful memories but which will somehow forever stand for peace of mind and faith—and soon Julius relaxes. His hand finds Ludger’s, moves it to his heart, and holds it there gently. Sigh mixes with hum as Ludger closes his eyes and just focuses on the feel of that pitter patter beneath his fingertips. Julius is still here, and they can make up for lost time.

“Julius,” he says airily.

“I’m here, baby brother, I’m here.”

Ludger shakes lightly, the feeling odd as he shifts over Julius’ lap. He settles his face against the crook of Julius’ neck, flushing his entire body to his. “You sure as hell better not try to leave me again.”

Julius wraps his arms around his back securely with a soft smile. In all the times he imagined telling Ludger how he felt, this was never the outcome he expected. “Never. I’ll always be here for you.”

They stay there for a long time, content just to feel each other, until there comes a knock at the door.

“Ludger? Glasses Guy? When are we going to have dinner? I’m starving!” There is a muffled sound Ludger assumes to be Elle stomping her foot impatiently.

Chuckling quietly, he extracts himself from Julius. “I’ll be there in a minute, Elle.” Looking at Julius but raising his voice to be heard outside the door, he asks, “How about aglio e olio? It’ll be a real treat.”

“Does that have tomatoes?” she asked suspiciously.

He opened the door with a smile. “Only if you want them.”

“Nope, no tomatoes.”

Ludger pats her head. “I know, I know. More for me and Julius.”

Raising off the bed himself, Julius smiles in agreement. “Yeah. More tomatoes for me and Ludger.”

“Eww. You can eat every single one in existence for all I care.”

A second later all three are laughing together. As he turns to pull out a pot for the pasta, Ludger decides he doesn’t care how things turned out this way; he’s just glad that they did.

Chapter Text

Milla was gone. Again. Leia knew she should be relieved that Jude was taking her absence better than he once took her death, but she wasn’t. Well, no. She was relieved (because seeing Jude as a broken shell, given up entirely on life, had been too much for her to bare), but seeing him as he was now still hurt her. He ate and bathed and lived, but his eyes were a constant pink from crying and his voice was a perpetual hush she had to strain to make out clearly.

He missed her so much, and Leia could do nothing to make it better. She tried in vain by bringing him food as she had before and giving him encouraging words, yet nothing seemed to help, and that was what bothered her the most. She had never been good enough for Jude—something she probably should have learned sooner rather than later. Though she had known him longer, it was Milla he turned to in that way. A romantic way. Leia would be lying if she said his feelings for her didn’t hurt, but what hurt more was that he didn’t even want to lean on her now that Milla was gone. She still wasn’t good enough, even as a replacement. Even in a purely supportive sense.

It was a tough lesson, one that sunk inside her like lead, but she had come to accept this with a grain of salt. It was just how things were, and there was no changing it. Jude still was, and always would be, her best friend and first crush. So when she found him crying that night in his room at the inn when she brought him his dinner, her decision to stay and comfort him was without ulterior motives. She honestly just wished both their pains would disappear. That they could once again bicker about sexism and integrity.

Hesitantly, she sat down beside him, close enough that he could physically lean on her if he wanted but far enough away for it to not feel unnatural. Without so much as a tilt of the head, he sobbed wordlessly, a croaking sound, before finally, finally turning himself toward her and resting his head in the crook of her neck. Leia forced herself not to stiffen at the contact, thinking back to when they had been children and he cried on her shoulder just like this after his pet rabbit died. Seeing such vulnerability and feeling like she could somehow make him feel better had been what made her fall for him in the first place. But now it was nothing but a wrench to her gut.

She brought her hand to the back of his head, cooing softly, muttering that everything would be okay. Because really, nothing was all that wrong. Milla was fine and would visit sometimes. This wasn’t a death, this wasn’t a true departure. Yet it was a separation and an end to something which they both held dear: Jude’s newfound wonder and stimulation for life. And for Leia, things would probably never really feel okay again either.

“She left me like it was nothing.” His first words in minutes.

“Silly, Jude,” she said with a forced air of cheerfulness. “She is Lord Maxwell, lord of the spirits. Her duty has always come first. Isn’t that what you like most about her?”

“Of course. I admired her from the first moment. But…that doesn’t change how I feel now.”

“Let me guess, you have these stupid thoughts that she doesn’t actually care for you. At least not the same way.” Leia knew just how easily those sorts of thoughts entered one’s mind. “Don’t you dare,” she ordered, voice hardening. “You can wallow in your misery here, you can even lash out at us for all I care, but you will not step on her feelings. The feelings you earned yourself. The feelings that so many others never have the chance at. She cares for you, Jude. I know it. I’ve seen the way you two act around each other. Just because your feelings are so transparent doesn’t mean hers aren’t genuine.”

Jude was silent beside her. Slowly, he lifted his head from her shoulder and studied her face with drying tears. “Leia, I…I understand. I’m being ridiculous. We all have our parts to play, and hers just happens to be there. This is about so much more than me, so I shouldn’t let myself feel this way.”

Leia grasped at the bedsheet beneath her. That wasn’t what she meant. “God, Jude! You really are stupid.”

He blinked at her.

“You can feel sad—you should feel sad—just don’t start believing things that aren’t true. Otherwise…” She stopped herself, feeling her own tears welling behind her lids. Blinking at them, she turned her head away, readying herself to stand. “Less fortunate people will come to hate you.”

As she bent her legs to rise, Jude’s arm caught her wrist. “Leia, are you…?”

She forced a smile onto her face, though she could feel the edges tremble. “Don’t worry about it. Just feel better soon.”

“Are you jealous?”

“Me jealous?” She laughed. “What could I possibly be jealous about? That you two happened to hit it off in such a short time? That she so easily became the highlight to your entire life? That even with time and space separating you two, your connection stands unbreakable?”

His grip tightened as his eyes examined her. “When you put it that way, I do sound extremely lucky.”

“You are. Just the fact that you found each other was a blessing. Seeing you act this distraught over her going to perform the duty you knew of from the very beginning dampens that.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been selfish, only caring about myself when you’ve been trying so hard for my sake. Thank you for all the meals.”

She looked toward the ground. “Yeah, well, I did it because I wanted to.”

He was silent for a second, then, “Is it me you are jealous of, or Milla?”

“I…” To be honest, she wasn’t sure how to answer. It was Jude she has always been in love with, yet she envied Jude the most for the extent of his feelings, which seemed so substantial compared to her own clinging pipe dream. Maybe she was more jealous of them together, of what they had. Maybe what she was really jealous of was having true affections rather than holding onto false delusions. “I’m not sure.”

Jude released her wrist, folding his hands together in his lap. Looking him now, he seemed less grand than he had only a moment ago. She was sure of her stupidity now as the tears ceased to well behind her eyelids. Jude was a dream, nothing more than a beautiful dream. Sure, being with him, knowing that he wanted her, would have made her happy. But what she had been feeling wasn’t unrequited love; it was a wakeup call to the fact that she had to finally move on. She had to figure out what she really wanted in her life and to work toward it. She began to laugh, light bubbles rising to the surface of their own accord.

He stared at her, dumbfounded. “What’s so funny?”

Leia covered her mouth, trying to quell her laughter. “It’s just that I came here trying to help you, but instead you helped me. It’s ironic, isn’t it?”

“I helped you?”

“Yes. Thank you, Jude. I think we’ll both be alright now. In time.”

He still looked confused, but he gave a small smile. “Yeah. I think you’re right. And, Leia, I’m wishing the best for you. I always have.”

“Thanks, Jude. That means a lot.” As Leia turned to leave the inn room, there was a swell in her chest. Jude cared, just not in that way. And that was fine. For the first time since that night his rabbit died, she knew that it was fine.

She was fine.

Chapter Text

“There!” Milla said triumphantly as she dropped her soup concoction down onto the table. Ludger raised an eyebrow at its questionable contents. Darkish red chunks of meat, potatoes, green beans, peanuts, and cinnamon. “Hey, don’t act like it isn’t edible.”

He made a shrugging gesture before lifting his spoon to his lips hesitantly. His eyes widened slightly and he gave a tiny smile.

Milla shifted her weight, grinning. “See, I can make good soup, too.”

“Still not anywhere near mine, though.”

Milla moaned. “Why can’t I catch up to you?”

“Want me to give you lessons?”

She turned her eyes away. “I don’t need them.”

“You should focus on perfecting one dish instead of constantly trying different ones.”

“Hmm. You might be right.” She glanced at the pot of remaining soup. “Er. Fine! What is a good soup to focus on, then?”

Ludger made another shrugging gesture. When Milla frowned at him, he offered, “Tomato?”

“But that’s so simple.”

“Oh no.” He shook his head, eyes lighting. “The difficulty is in the simplicity.”

She took the seat across from him, still frowning. “What does that mean?”

“It takes work to make such a simple dish stand out. You need perfection.” The way he said it sounded like he was discussing his favorite food.

“You really are an odd one.”

Ludger chuckled lightly.

“Fine. Okay, let’s make tomato soup.”

“Hmm.” Ludger closed his eyes, letting the taste linger in his mouth as he savored the taste.

“Well, how is it?” Milla asked with exaggerated eagerness.

“Passable.”

Her shoulders sagged. “Only passable.”

“Like I said, you need perfection. It’s off just a bit.”

She crossed her arms, huffing. “Then show me, mister perfect. Don’t I just toss some crushed tomatoes and water in a pot?”

“It’s in the simmering.”

“Sure.”

He smiled at her indifferent tone. “Here.” He took her pot and emptied the contents into a large mixing bowl. “Let’s try again. I don’t mind staying on as your personal tutor.”

Chapter Text

To outsiders, it probably seemed like Elize disliked Alvin, but nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, the older she got the more she came to understand what it was she actually felt for the man. She wanted to know who he was and what it was he felt. Yet, out of everyone, she knew him the least. What she knew of his past was vague and information given reluctantly. She just knew that he liked her back, regardless of the distance he kept in place, and it was this knowledge that made her treat him so coldly. He didn’t want her to know him. He wanted her to only see a protective façade, full of lies. And that was what she hated most about Alvin. As much as he claimed to be their friend, he still lied, and even when he wasn’t lying, he still rarely gave the whole truth. It felt as if he lacked trust in her.

That’s why she decided to finally put her big girl boots on and confront him about it. “Alvin!” she called over her loud banging on his door.  When he finally answered, he was unkempt, tieless with mussed hair. Near provocative, actually, and Elize found herself already thankful that she chose to leave Teepo (the little tattle tale) home for this particular visit.

Alvin wilted a bit under her intense gaze. “Uh, hi, Elize.” He stepped to the side, opening the door enough for her. She pushed passed him, plopping down onto his burgundy sofa. He eyed her from the doorway. “What’s with the sudden visit?”

“Do I need a reason?”

His eyes shifted from her. “No.”

Elize folded her hands in her lap. He waited, remaining standing near the door somewhat uncomfortably. “Why is it that you lie?”

His eyed widened a fraction before he gave a cool smirk. “I couldn’t be your ‘big fat liar’ if I stopped, now could I?”

She didn’t smile back. “Why do you feel the need to lie to me?” Remaining silent, he turned his eyes to the chic carpet. “Why don’t you trust me?”

His gaze returned to her instantly. “Don’t trust you? Elize, of course I trust you.”

“Then why?” Her voice was wavering, too much emotion spilling, but she could see him beginning to waver as well.

“You know why.”

Her eyes bore into his. “No, I don’t.”

“I…” He sagged against the closed door. “I’ve done things. That I’m not proud of.”

“I don’t care.”

 A hint of caution lit in his eyes. “Well, you should.”

She repeated herself, more intensely this time, watching the way his arm muscles clenched as she did. He was hopeless. “I used to hate those scientists that experimented on me,” she said matter-of-factly. “It was tough. Not just the experiments but being so alone. If it weren’t for Teepo, I probably would have lost my mind. But now, I’m kind of glad it happened. Of course it was awful, but it made me who I am now. And I was able to meet you because of it.”

Alvin must have understood her point because he made a disgruntled sound. “What’s the use of digging up the past? There’s no changing it.”

“That’s not the point. The past is a part of you.”

“I’m not who you think I am.”

She stood up abruptly. “That’s the point! You won’t let me know who you are.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “You’re right, that is the point.”

Furious, she approached him, gripping her hands onto his open shirt collar. “Let me in.” Her voice was demanding, eyes smoldering.

“Why do you care so much.”

“You know why.” The stolen words gave her a hint of satisfaction.

He narrowed his eyes at her, clearly displeased. “Enlighten me.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, her mouth was on his, her satisfaction even stronger now when she felt his surprise. She pushed him back against the door, forcing at him to kiss her back. His will was strong, but not infallible, and soon his lips moved ever so slightly against hers and his hands pet gently at her cascading hair.

“Shit,” was the first thing he said when she finally pulled back with a pant. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Then you must be an idiot as well as a liar.”

“Must be.” He slumped back boneless against the door. “You’re still a child.”

“No,” she began, voice hard, “I’m a young woman. Or have you forgotten I’m seventeen.”

“Still underage.”

“And you’re still a liar.”

Alvin gave a dry laugh. “You never lay off, do you squirt?”

“Maybe I would if you weren’t so infuriating. Just admit you like me back so we can stop this stupid charade.”

“Charade. Learn that in school?”

Elize balled a fist. “Don’t change the subject. I know you like me back.”

“Really?” Lazy eyes met hers. “Sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Who’m I kidding? Ya figured this old man out. Doesn’t change anything.”

Elize tugged at his shirt sleeves. “Why do you have to be so difficult? I just want you to let me in! Why’s that so much to ask for?”

“Cause we’re both better off this way.” He sounded tired.

“Alone and distance?”

“Yeah.”

“I refuse to believe that.”

“Better believe it. I’ll bring you nothing but heartache.”

She laughed, with a bit of real humor. “I’m already used to that.”

He cracked a small smile. “You shouldn’t waste your time on my sorry ass. Go hit up someone closer to your age, someone who won’t hurt you like I will.”

“But I want you.”

Alvin heaved a sigh, saying nothing. When Elize moved in again, he kissed back, hands feeling along the laced sleeves of her pink dress. “Just don’t complain to me when you come to regret this.”

“You know I will,” she said with a smirk.

Chapter Text

It took a second for Gaius to become aware of why he had suddenly woken up but as soon as he did his temple pulsed. “Muzet,” he said in his most king voice, “do you have any idea what time it is?” His hands found her hips so that he could heft her off of him and back onto her currently vacant side of the bed. This did not prove too successful, however, when she just ended up giggling before floating herself back up on top of his chest.

“Late,” was her only reply before giggling.

“Then why, might I ask, are you pestering me?”

She tilted her head as if in thought, grin devilish. “Cause it’s fun.”

His groan came out half as strong as he wished due to drowsiness. Gaius closed his eyes, trying his best to ignore her and focus on his breathing, but soon her finger was yet again poking at his cheek and side. His eyes snapped open and he flipped them around so that she was pinned beneath him.

Muzet let out a shrilled gasp. “Wow, Gaius, aren’t you forward?”

Suppressing his groan this time, he merely let his body weight ebb away as best he could. But of course, her hands were free and continued poking him after only a minute’s reprieve.

“I swear to Origin I will cut your hands off if you do not cease your poking this instant.”

The spirit gave a sudden shudder. “I love it when you get bossy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now go back to sleep,” he ordered.

“Do I have to?” she whined. “Dominate me more.”

Relenting, he gave a tiny kiss to her collarbone. “Perhaps. But in the morning.”

“Oh, tha—” She cut herself off abruptly, moving a hand up to imitate zipping her mouth shut.

Chapter Text

Julius heaved a breath, just holding it for a moment before speaking. “Ludger, it’s Julius.”

“Julius!” Ludger sounded near frantic on the other end of the GHS call. “Where are you? Are you safe?”

In comparison, Julius’ voice was practically cold. “That doesn’t matter. Is the girl still with you? Is she safe?”

“Doesn’t matter? I need to know how you are!”

“I’m fine. Now answer my question.”

He could hear Ludger groan in annoyance. “Yes, she’s fine.”

“That’s good. I’m counting on you to keep her safe. Nextly, you need to stop using the chromatus.”

“Stop treating me like a kid. I can make my own decisions, and as long as you are putting yourself on the line, so will I.”

Julius’ hand shook around the receiver. If only Ludger knew what he was saying, the risk he was facing. Julius’ mouth opened, explanation sitting on his tongue, but he swallowed it. There was no way to tell him without revealing the fate he himself was already at the mercy of. Still, there was no reason for them to both fall pray to the same fate when it was entirely avoidable. “I am your brother. If you care for me, you will trust me when I say there is no reason for us to both suffer this burden.”

“Then let me take it. You’ve done so much for me already.” This was true. Julius had given so much for Ludger over the years. But this was no reason for Ludger to suffer when all he wished for was for him to keep smiling. Besides, it was already too late. As if in synch with his thoughts, a fiery chill shot through his hand making him nearly drop his GHS. It took him a moment of fumbling to right it.

“Julius? Everything okay?”

“Yes, perfectly fine,” he said through clenched teeth. Closing his eyes, he imagined Ludger’s face. Would he get the chance to see him again before he ran out of time? He hoped so. “Thank you for the thought, but please, focus on yourself and the girl. If anything happens to either of you this will have been for nothing.” There would have been no reason to spend this time apart.

There was a pause before Ludger finally replied. “I’ll be safe.” Julius didn’t miss the lack of promise here. He bit his lip. “You keep mentioning Elle. Do you know something about her?”

“I have to go,” he said quickly, voice shaking.

“Julius? Juli—”

There was a click before his brother’s frantic voice cut short. Julius slumped against the wall and stared up at the dusty sky. He wondered, not for the first time, if he was doing the right thing. However, not for the first time, there was no other path he could see himself taking. Ludger was everything to him, after all. There was nothing else for him in this world, so what was the point in living in a world without him in it. He only hoped his brother was stronger than he was in that regard.

Chapter Text

“I am asking you to take care of him in my stead.”

Alvin clamped his jaw shut. This was bullshit. He’d never heard such bullshit in his life and it was taking enormous effort not to sock one of them for it. Which of them, he wasn’t sure. Both were equally to blame, Milla with her shining eyes and poised demeanor, and Jude with his nervous honesty and fleeting eyes.

Milla’s hand patted him on the shoulder as if that was that, and words poured from Alvin’s mouth like hot grease from a pan. “You are a real piece of work, you know that?” Milla’s eyes hardened at that. “Just gonna ditch the poor boy after all that? And you,” he glared at Jude making the boy take a step back, “why the hell are you fine with this?”

Jude swallowed, looking at Milla before replying. “Milla has important things to do. I want to stand by her side, but it’s impossible. I won’t ask her to sacrifice her duty for my sake. Besides, I do like you, Alvin.”

Alvin groaned and shook Milla’s hand off him. “There’s a difference between like and love, and what you have for her is something different entirely. I’ll never be a damn replacement.”

Jude pursed his lips in a frown. “It’s not like that.”

“Sure, it isn’t. You’re just using me to fill in the hole she’s leaving behind.”

Milla crossed her arms. “I was under the impression you would be thrilled by this offer.”

He set his glare on her now, but she did not even bat an eye at it. “Why’s that? I’m not interested in a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship.”

“And yet you flirt with him all the time.”

Jude shifted his weight. “Uh, Alvin, I know that it seems that way given the circumstance, but I honestly like you. As more than a friend.”

“Great. I’m jumping for joy. What about when the old spirit comes back? I’m just supposed to step aside? Cut my losses?”

Jude’s frown deepened. “No. I was hoping you would join us, or that she would join us is probably more accurate.”

Alvin stared. Shocked is not a strong enough word for what he was feeling. Jude, naïve, love-sick Jude, was proposing a threesome. Not to mention, the all-powerful spirit of his affection was standing right there with an expectant expression. Honestly, the company he kept was too much. “I never thought I’d hear those words from your mouth.”

A blush formed on Jude’s face and Alvin could not help smiling the tiniest bit at his embarrassment. Damn if the kid wasn’t cute. “That’s not what I meant. Exactly,” Jude tagged onto the end, only making his case worse.

“Sure. So what? You want the three of us going out to dinner somewhere nice?”

“Alvin,” Jude was growing impatient, “why are you making this so difficult? Can’t you just tell me how you feel now?”

Ah, wouldn’t that be nice. He couldn’t very well tell him that he had fallen for him back when they first met or that it had only gotten worse since then. He couldn’t tell him that that he had in fact had fantasies about both of them or that Milla had since become jealousy-inducing eye-candy. “I don’t like settling for second choice.”

Milla shook her head, and Jude’s frown deepened. “Alvin,” he stressed, “as I’m saying, you aren’t.”

“Really? Because you aren’t coming forward now only because your little lovebird is flying away?”

Milla was in his face now. Her pink eyes bore into his with distracting dominance. “That is no fault of Jude’s. He falsely assumed that I would be bothered by his feelings for you. It is only because of my own pressing that he has decided to step forward now.”

Shit. This couldn’t be really happening. “Is that right?” He directed his gaze away from Milla’s striking beauty to Jude’s boyish charm.

“Yes.”

Alvin closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh. If he came to regret this, so help him. “Fine.” He snapped his eyes open, setting them back on Milla. “As if I could get away with denying a request from the Lord of Spirits.”

She smirked. “Yes, I could always sick Sylph’s wind on you until you agreed.”

He gave a crooked smile. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?”

Jude looked unconvinced. “Are you actually agreeing to this, or just trying to get Milla off your back?”

“I don’ know, you tell me.”

That said, he bridged the distance between them. Jude had just enough time to glance at his lips, before they were on his. It was a quick, casual kiss, just enough to catch him off guard, but the one that followed was anything but. Alvin could hear Milla humming in approval and feel Jude’s hands grasp at the sleeves of his jacket. He swiped his tongue over his lips one more time before pulling back.

Jude was speechless, just breathing in and out to reorient himself.

“See,” Milla said, “you are fully capable of taking care of him in my stead.”

For the love of all that was holy. Just what was she imagining? He shook his head at her. “What now? You gonna leave now that’s settled?”

“Hmm. No, I think I will stay for a little while longer. Perhaps, the three of us could get that dinner you suggested. I heard the diner by the item shop has marvelous mabo curry.”

Alvin could nearly see saliva dripping from her mouth and chuckled. “Yeah, why not?”

Chapter Text

The deed is done. Bodies litter the ground, but Ludger only has eyes for one. The man is sitting on the hard ground on his knees, eyes wide. Splotches of blood cover his white coat, but Ludger doesn’t mind, dropping to the ground and pulling him into a hug. He is probably covered in just as much blood, and that is fine, because Julius is safe. The most important person in the world is safe. He holds onto his brother with vice-like strength, but he does not hold him back. The world is silent now that the screams have stopped.

“Come now,” Ludger says once the silence has grown deafening, “everything is okay now.”

Something in Julius snaps, and he pushes Ludger away. Entirely unprepared, he falls onto the ground on his back, staring in open shock at his brother, who looks back with eyes angry enough to look hateful. Ludger sucks in a breath, chest tightening. What is this? This is their happy ending, isn’t it?

Julius stands, towering over him with tangible verousity. “What happened to my brother?” he demands.

“I’m right here.”

Julius shakes his head, hands shaking. “My brother would never kill his friends.”

“I did it for you.”

“I didn’t ask for this.” He sounds as heartbroken as Ludger feels. Because of course he knows he didn’t. Julius asked him to kill him, but that is something he could never do. Killing his friends was easy in comparison.

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“Like hell you did!” He drops back to the ground right in front of Ludger. He takes hold of his shirt collar, face twisted with emotion. “Do you understand what you did?”

“What I had to.”

Julius has never hit him even once, but he hits him now. He hits him hard right in the jaw. “You have damned our entire reality. For what? To have one more day with me?”

Ludger chokes on a sob. He wants to rub at his sore jaw, but instead, he clings to the back of Julius’ coat. He never wanted any of this. Why couldn’t Julius understand that? He never wanted to lose their parents, destroy divergent catalysts, kill himself, or have a daughter. All he ever wanted was to live with Julius.

“Everything I did was so that you could keep on living, but now, it was all for nothing.”

“It wasn’t worth it.”

Julius is breathing heavy. “You were always worth it.”

Ludger shakes his head. “No! Living without you. I couldn’t have standed it.”

Julius’ grip on his shirt goes slack and so does his face. Now there is only sadness in the space between them. Ludger pulls him to him again, and this time, Julius does hold him back. They are silent again for a long time. Julius is the one to break it this time.

“I tried so hard to give for you, but that’s never what you wanted, was it?”

Ludger is holding his head now, cradling it against his collarbone. “All I ever wanted was to be with you.”

Julius shudders, and Ludger hopes it’s because he regrets those times he spent away from him. “Now you can be,” he says in a level voice. His tainted hand finds his and Ludger twines their fingers together.

A day, Julius said. That is all the time they have, but it is one more day than they would have had. It is one day for just the two of them. He holds his hand and strokes through his hair and does not regret. Maybe he became a villain and damned their reality, but if he had to die eventually, he wouldn’t pick any other way than here with his brother wrapped in his arms.

Chapter Text

For a genius, Jude was an idiot. He figured out he had romantic feelings for Milla a long time ago and had every opportunity to say something but never did. He had already lost her once, and even gotten her back, but even that was not enough to pry the words from him. At first, it was because she was so high above him, the lord of spirits. Then there were more important things to worry about.

It was okay. Jude never really expected anything to come from his feelings. Even though she was in a human body, that was temporary. She was a spirit, and deep down, he knew she would leave him eventually.

It wasn’t the fact she left that bothered him, it was the fact he never said anything before she did. He never let her know.

Alvin and Leia both tell him it doesn’t matter. He had apparently been transparent about his feelings. Sure, he was glad she at least knew, but it still bothered him. He should have told her

Every once in a while, he feels something on the wind, and wonders if she’s there, or at least Sylth. He touches his chest, closes his eyes, and says the words he never could. “I love you, Milla.”

Just before he opens his eyes, the wind picks up.

Chapter Text

It is a beautiful night to be out. Unlike Fenomnt, street lights in Lerond are far between allowing the wreath of stars to better show off their splendor. It is the tail end of summer right when the temperature begins to cool and there is a pleasantly light breeze running through the onlookers’ hair.

“It sure is nice tonight. The stars were always obscured back in Fenomnt,” Jude says from where his head is resting in Leia's lap.

She strokes absently through his hair. “Right? One of Lerond's quaint charms,” she boasts in her inn voice.

“Quite true,” Milla agrees. “However,” the spirit turns a cute pout at her, “why do you get to be Jude's pillow?”

Jude makes to get up, but Leia forcibly holds him down. “Don't be jealous, Milla. I've used you as a pillow lots of times.”

“Yeah,” Leia pauses to stick out her tongue, “it's my turn. I've been dreaming of this moment since we were kids.”

Jude actually blushes a bit at that and Leia giggles.

“It's nothing but the truth. Making me wait so long.” She shuts her eyes with a huff. Then, suddenly there is soft pressure at her shoulder. Now she’s blushing slightly. “M--milla?”

“If I cannot be Jude's pillow, then I will be your pillow. I don't recall doing this to him in the past, so it is another new experience.”

Leia smiles and brings up her free hand to brush Milla's hair. “Me neither. This is actually kinda a lot at once, to be honest.”

Jude frowns up at her. “In a good way,” she assures. “Just, I always liked you, and though you never returned my feelings I always thought you would, one day. But then you were with Milla, so I assumed that was the end of it, ya know? I didn't think I could move on after hanging on so long. Now it's a lot, fast.”

Milla hums. “I see. Please tell me if I am overstepping my bounds.”

“No, I...I'm really happy. I'm just not used to this yet.”

“Ah, but that makes it the more exciting, does it not?”

Leia grins. Leave it to the lord of spirits to only find excitement in the new. Honestly, she is excited. Obviously, she trusts Jude whole-heartedly and has come to trust the spirit as much so. Still, there is a tinge of fear. She dosen’t know how all of this works yet, especially with someone like Milla in the mix.

“I think I get it. You aren't comfortable with the little things yet, right? You're easily flustered.”

She turns her head down, voice shy, “Yeah.”

“That's okay, you know? I'm still just as flustered doing things with you even though I've done them with Milla. And to honest, I still get flustered by her from time to time.”

“How unfortunate it is that don't become flustered.”

“If only,” he said. “You have no idea how embarrassed you make me some times, do you?”

“Whatever is there to be embarrassed about?”

Jude grabs onto the hand in his hair. “Leia, I’m so glad you’re here to back me up in those sort of situations now.”

Leia giggles. “You must be quite the handful, Milla.”

“I honestly have no idea why.” Then she is sitting up straight again and leaning forward.

Leia follows her gaze skyward where the first of the fireworks display is beginning to light up the night.

“Extraordinary,” Milla gasps in wonder.

She may not get flustered, but she sure is simple to awe. Leia is sure she would be cute if flustered, but she is quite beautiful now with the lights shining off her gazed expression. Her heart pounds in her chest, but she leans forward anyway (nearly squishing Jude without meaning to).

Slowly, Milla looks at her when she realizes how close their faces are. Leia hesitates only a second before closing that short distance. Milla’s response is delayed, but soon she is kissing her back just as sweetly. Leia gives a pleasant hum when she pulls back. “Okay, that was nice.”

Jude moves out from her lap, possibly to avoid being squished again.

“Sorry,” she begins but stops when she notices his expectant expression. Her chest is pounding again. They are both looking at her now and the boldness from before has evaporated like the smoke of the fireworks. Milla nudges her forward so that she stumbles into him. She makes a squawking noise, then meets his eyes and takes a breath. All the more exciting .

She kisses him just as the finale is beginning. Crackle after crackle fills the air as his arms come around her.

Only when their lips have parted does Milla touch her again, which she’s thankful for. “So,” she askes, bumping her head against her shoulder, “still as flustered?”

Leia laughs. “More than you can imagine.”

Chapter Text

“Alvin!” 

He jolts alert at the forceful way she says his name. Leia sits there across from him in the train’s passenger seat with her arms crossed and cheeks puffed out adorably. 

“You weren’t paying attention to a single thing I’ve been saying, have you?”

“Sorry, zoned out there for a bit.”

She huffs, but a moment later lets her arms drop back down to her lap and glances back at the window with fast-moving scenery behind her. “It’s mesmerizing, isn’t it?”

He quirks a brow at her. “Moving quickly?”

“No!” she says, only mildly annoyed. “The sight. Sailing was gorgeous, but it was pretty much all sea. I know flying has to be the real breathtaking, but I would have loved this as a kid. Too bad we never had these in Rieze Maxia.”

Alvin’s lips turn up, a wave of nostalgia getting the better of him. “I would have too.”

Leia frowns, turning back to him. “You didn’t get to ride the train?”

“Mother never had much money. I only got to ride once, and that was to visit Balan. For holidays and such, we either stayed home or the family came to visit us instead.”

A wrinkle forms on Leia’s brow and she leans forward to put a hand over his. “That’s sad.”

“Yeah, well it was what it was. Anyway,” he says with a smirk, attempting to cheer the girl back up, “there’s no reason we can’t enjoy the train now, right?”

“Yeah!” She raises her arm up triumphantly. “We can ride all the trains.”

Alvin chuckles. 

Leia’s mouth drops open. “Score one for Leia!”

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? I made you laugh. That’s a good day’s work, in my book.”

He leans forward so that the space between their seats is nearly invisible. “Is that so?”

He doesn’t know what reaction he expected, but it wasn’t the twinkle in her eyes. “You know so. Unless you can think of something better than making you laugh?”

“Oh!” he exclaims. “Whatever are you implying, Leia?”

“Hm, I don’t know. Maybe that Mr. Alvin can liven up and act like a normal person for a change.”

“And what is it normal people do?”

“Why don’t I show you?”

Leia starts to lean further toward him when the train lurches to a sudden stop. She loses her balance and before Alvin knows what hit him, their knees are pressed together and their lips are touching. He isn’t sure if this is what she intended or not, but it’s hard to care when she starts to actually kiss him. He hasn’t thought about dating or anything of the sort since Presea, but now, it seems far too simple to give in to this simple invitation. He holds onto Leia’s arms and she tilts her head into the kiss. It’s little more than innocent, and yet, right now he prefers it to any of the heated kisses he is used to. It feels very...Leia.

She’s smiling when they pull back from each other. “And that’s score number two.” She holds up her index and middle finger.

Alvin slumps back against his seat. “You play dirty.”

“You’re one to talk.” She looks back out of the window at the rolling grass. “Good thing we both like trains.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because we’ll be riding them often. Gotta visit each other, right?”

Something in his chest that had been a hard unmoving mass breaks off into something smaller. “Right.”

Chapter Text

"Milla?" Jude jolts awake and searches the dark room. The room is empty, save Alvin beside him.

His voice must wake him because the other man stirs and reaches for him. "What's wrong?"

"It's Milla. I think she's back."

Alvin sits up and turns the bedside table lamp on. The room is filled with a soft orange glow and Jude can see the suppressed hope on his face. "How could you know that?"

"Because I could tell last time. When she first left, it was like I could sense her in the air sometimes. It sounds crazy, I know, but I think she was trying to tell me she was still around, out there, and that she would be back. Then when she came back, even though we were all there to see her, I also felt a shift in the air right before she jumped up. I feel the same thing now. It's swirling, like her emotions are reaching out to us."

"You, you mean."

He hates when Alvin gets like this. "No," he takes his hand, "I mean us. She's come back to us."

"Yeah, but we both know if it was between you and me, it would always be you. Same between her and me. But it's fine," he rolls his shoulders, moaning when they give a crack, "I wouldn't pick me either."

Jude glares at him. He's never been as good at chastising him as Milla, but he hopes the last couple years of practice have paid off. "How many times do I need to tell you to stop acting like you're the worst person in the world?"

He gives a wry smile. "Until I believe it."

Jude sighs. "So what do you want to do? Wait for her, or go meet her halfway?"

"Sleep sounds nice, but you know me, I've gotta take the difficult path."

It takes them a day to reach Sapstrath Seahaven, and some hours after they arrive for the boat to arrive. They both watch the passengers come offboard one by one, but once Milla’s token green hair is visible, only Jude rushes forward to greet her. Alvin hangs back on the dock as Jude and Milla embrace each other on the ramp. They look perfect together and part of him wants to just walk away, but then Jude is turning back to look at him. His mouth turns down when he sees how far away he is. They walk up to him and Milla does not hesitate to embrace him. 

“I have missed you both,” she says in that calming tone of hers which settles the part of him that wanted to walk away. It’s funny how Milla is what he wants to run away from and yet she is what soothes that frightened animal in him. Jude seems to comprehend this by the look he’s giving him.

The doctor puts a hand on Milla’s back and another on Alvin’s. “We both missed you as well, didn’t we Alvin?”

“Of course.”

Milla smiles. “I hope not too badly.”

Jude smiles back. “Of course not. I had Alvin.”

They exchange a look, and Alvin knows Milla’s figured him out as well. He’s never been a match for these two. “Yeah, we’ve been fine without you.” Not exactly what he meant to say, but it’s already been said. 

“I see.” Milla takes a step back and studies his face. She can read him, he knows it. “You know…” She stops, looking like she is considering her words closely. “I think we should take a trip. Just the three of us.”

“But, Milla, we have work,” Jude protests

“Yurgen can watch the shop, and your research can wait for a week or so.”

Jude looks to Alvin for help, but Alvin just shrugs. “Doesn’t sound like a horrible idea, to be honest.”

“Okay,” he gives in, “why not.”

Alvin can tell this trip is mostly for his sake. So that they can drown him in affection. It might have been suffocating if he didn’t miss having them both here so much. As much as he does feel inferior to Milla in this relationship, they don’t feel complete without her. Jude truly comes alive when he’s around her, which would piss him off if it was anyone but Milla. The spirit is formidable in more ways than one, and if he is going to lose to anyone, he’s fine with it being to her. Yet, that’s what this is about. To show him that he has not lost anything. 

He takes it back; it is suffocating. 

He isn’t used to this much attention. This much...love.

They tell him that too. That they love him. He says it back, of course, but he’s the one with a lump in his throat and a thumping heart. He’s the one that feels that this is too much to take and more than he should ever deserve. 

“Aaalvin~” Milla drags out his name. She stares up at him from his lap with those big, beautiful pink eyes. Something so small, but he can feel his heart in his throat. “Kiss me.”

It might be a question, but with Milla everything always sounds more like a command, which is fitting, so it’s fine. Not that she’s ever asked him to do anything he wouldn’t, and this, he will gladly do. He does, unfortunately, have to pull her up from the way she is laying on him, but it’s worth that to move her so that her long, slender legs are holding her up over his lap instead. She’s so gorgeous, and he might tell her so, before his lips crash against hers. He holds onto her hips and she his head. Milla gives a little moan and the suffocating feeling evaporates for the time being. He’s happy. 

They are on a hill outside Hamil. Anyone could see them, making out like this, but right now he honestly doesn’t care. Not even when he lets a hand wander to the bare skin of her legs beneath the short skirt she’s wearing. She gives another moan and presses her chest closer to him. They must be a sight. 

“What do we have here?”

They stop kissing, faces hot with shame, but luckily it’s Jude that’s caught them. Milla rests her head against him and Alvin moves his hands up to cradle her better against him. 

“Hey Jude,” she says.

“Hey.” He sits down close to them and leans his head so that is it half resting on both of them. 

“Nice,” Alvin teases, “we can’t keep making out with you in the way, now can we?” He lifts his shoulder a bit to emphasize. 

Just lifts his head abruptly. “Oh, I am so sorry!” he mock exclaims, “please do continue.”

Milla huffs a laugh and leans over to kiss Jude instead. “I can’t remember where we left off, so I guess we better start over.” She shifts to press herself into Jude without leaving Alvin much.

The man shakes his head. Honestly. 

But Jude’s hand covers his and strokes at his skin even as he gaps Milla’s name. 

That suffocating feeling is back, but...he isn’t going to drown. No, they are both holding onto him to keep him afloat. And who knows, maybe one of these days he will actually learn to swim.

Chapter Text

How many times has Julius held onto Ludger? He’s held his hand across busy streets and through supermarkets. He’s hugged him through thunderstorms and after late-night horror movies. He’s wiped his tears after changes and heartbreak. He’s held their household together through hard work and sacrifice. He’s done what he could to keep Ludger happy and healthy and here beside him; and yet now, Julius is the one pulling away. 

How many times has Ludger clung to him and begged for more? Far too many to ever be healthy. Always choosing to play with him over the other kids on the block. Writing him cards for Father’s, Mother’s, and Valentine’s day, as if they are one-and-the-same. Asking him why he has to work so much and why he can’t stay and hum to him each and every night. 

For being so shy, Ludger sure can ask a lot of Julius. Good thing Julius is all-too-happy to give to Ludger. To give and to give until there is nothing left. And yet--even he has limits. 

When it comes down to keeping Ludger happy or healthy, he will always choose to keep him healthy--and he will not keep him healthy. So, despite that lovesick puppy grin he is giving him and the press of his body against his on the couch, Julius finds the willpower to push him back to arm’s length.

It is a stab wound in the heart when Ludger’s face instantly drops. “Brother?”

Julius takes a deep breath, steeling himself. “Ludger, we can’t.”

“Yes, we can,” he says as if it is the simplest thing in the world. In many ways, it could be. If they lived in a bubble, just the two of them, then they could come together as easily as a bee to a flower. But they live in the real world, alongside other people, none of whom would look upon them and smile. No one would attend their wedding--if such a wedding were even possible--and it was highly likely that they would be persecuted for it. 

“Ludger,” he says with force, “there would be no going back. No more chance for a normal life.”

“I don’t care about that.”

That is most likely the problem. Ludger has never seemed to care for much more than Julius any more than Julius has cared for more than Ludger. Yet, one of them needs to be responsible here. “That is only because it has not been an issue yet. Think about it. What will happen when someone finds out?” 

“No one has to.”

It is not a question of if. He is not so nieve to believe they can keep this a secret for long. “One uncovered window, one loud moan, one public touch, and it’s out there. We’d be ostracized.”

“I don’t care!” He’s tugging at his shirt sleeve, expression desperate. “I love you, Julius. I’ll give up the world for you.”

It hurts him to do so, but Julius gives a bitter laugh. “Easy for you to say when the world is yours to give. We could lose our jobs, our home.”

“We’ll move. We’ll take whatever work we can get. I don’t care, Julius, I don’t, not if I’m with you.”

It’s like the words are swallowing him up, taking him in, leaving him with no other choice than to give in to what he’s wanted so badly for over half his life. Ludger’s giving him such a raw, honest look, and he sinks. Pushes forward, pressing him back against the arm of the sofa. Ludger’s eyes widen momentarily before falling shut with a shaky groan that alone could kill Julius. He’s that smitten. He half questions if he’s dreaming or died without realizing it because this isn’t supposed to happen in real life. This was never supposed to be an option, let alone the decision. But they are kissing and he no longer has the will power to stop before it’s too late. There is no more going back, and although he may come to regret it years from now, right now, feeling Ludger so intimately, there is no other choice he could ever make.

Chapter Text

Alivin let out an exaggerated sigh as he set the last box down. “That has to be the last of it, right?”

Leia set down her own box. Smirking, she put her hands on her hips. “Why, Alvin? Don’t tell me that much wore you out?”

Smiling wryly, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Can you blame me? I’m getting old.”

“No, you’re not!” Jude called loudly from the other room.

“What do you know, college student?” 

In the other room, Jude’s face grew red. “I’m not that much younger than you.”

“Sure you’re not.”

Milla, who was unloading boxes with Jude in the other room spoke up. “I think you are all young and attractive.”

Leia was the first of them to start laughing, then Jude, and finally Alvin. Leia’s was hearty, Jude’s embarrassed, and Alvin’s a bit reluctant. He was still trying to get used to this. 

“Oh, come on, Alvin,” Leia said when she finally stopped laughing. She threw an arm over his shoulder. “Keep sticking around with us and we’ll have you fit in no time.”

“No kidding. You’re all lit firecrackers.”

“Oh, firecrackers!” Milla exclaimed with sparkles in her eyes. “We should light firecrackers.”

Jude smiled at her glee. “Great idea. We should finish setting up the place first, though, don’t you think.”

“That is true,” she agreed immediately although her disappointment was evident in her tone. 

Alvin sighed. “Fine. You guys set up, I’ll go buy them.”

“Oh, no!” Leia exclaimed. “I’m going with you.”

Alvin gave her a look. “Why?”

Leia just smiled wider. “Because I want to.”

Just as he feared, the trip took twice as long with Leia. The girl seemed to think they were on a date rather than an errand. No, he did not want to stop for sweet buns or to play hopscotch. They had one goal: getting firecrackers for Milla.

Leia pouted the entire time asking if he cared more about Milla and stuff like that.

He could feel a headache coming on.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. Nearly halfway back, he stopped. Taking hold of her upper arms, he turned her to face him. “Look, Leia, I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I was playing favorites. I’m just…” He looked to the side, finding it too hard to continue while looking at her expression. “I’m not good with this sort of thing.”

Leia’s hand covered one of his own. “Feelings?”

“Yeah,” he answered quietly. 

Before he knew what was happening she was kissing him straight on the mouth. His grip of the bag of firecrackers tightened as his mind started going every which way before emptying completely. He felt calmer when she pulled back.

“Start working on it, then. We’re living together now. It isn’t like you can just hide away anymore.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Tell me about it. I’m honestly terrified, you know?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are we really that terrifying?”

“One, yes. Millia could slaughter us in a heartbeat, and two, I’m not talking about you.”

She smirked. “Facing your feelings won’t kill you.”

“I keep telling myself that.”

“Good.” She spun on her heel to face down the road again. “We all believe in you, you know? We wouldn’t have asked you to move in with us otherwise.”

He followed after her. “I still can’t believe you did.”

She looked back over her shoulder. “Start believing Mr. Guess I’ll just have to tell them to help me get it into your skull.”

He chuckled. “I’m sure you will.”

Leia waggled her eyebrows. “I’m sure we can think of some ways. Especially Milla.”

Alvin shivered. He had two very different scenarios in his mind, and he could only hope it was the latter. 

Leia cackled at the look on his face. “You’ll just have to wait and see what she has in mind.”

At least he offered to get her the firecrackers. Surely, he’d be rewarded because of that, right?