Chapter Text
Valentino 6:41 p.m.
Is this what they mean when they say your life flashes before your eyes? The memories are flashing by so fast that I can’t even focus on them. I brace myself for death, more scared than I thought I would be, having a whole day to prepare. But I guess you can never really be prepared to die can you? I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. Holding on to Orion for dear life, literally, even though that phrase shouldn’t be literal, I’m hoping he knows I’m thinking about him, or at least trying to say goodbye. Of all people, Orion would know this is my last goodbye, I just wish I could’ve told him I loved him and heard him say it too. A lot of people would say it’s really early to say I love him, and if you’d even asked me a week ago I would have agreed. But none of those people, not even myself, could imagine or understand the way I feel for Orion. He opened my eyes to life, and it’s hard not to experience life quickly when you’re waiting to die.
My head bangs on something hard and a searing pain is burning through my skull while my vision starts to go fuzzy. I just hope Orion will live…
Maybe I’m still alive? I can hear Orion beside me. That means he’s alive! He’s alive! His words are finally starting to take shape, except they aren’t words, they’re cries. Desperate sobs that are begging me to wake up.
“Val please, please wake up. You can’t go yet, we’re not ready yet. We still need to look at our pictures. Just 5 more minutes Val. Come on just wake up, fucking wake up Valentino.”
Im trying so hard to scream I’m still here, I’m here and I’m alive, but I can’t say anything. Is this what death feels like? But all this focus is making my head hurt again and his voice, my amazing boyfriend’s voice, it’s starting to sound like static that’s fading away.
I feel like I’m waking up in and out of a dream, I can hear Orion crying and… who is that other voice? Dalma…? Dr. Emeterio?
“Orion? Where’s Valentino? We were just going to discuss possible options- ” but whatever options we were going to discuss are cut off by her gasp.
“Orion… I’m so sorry… I’ll do everything I can to help him.”
What happened to me? It’s getting harder and harder to focus. I just want to say goodbye, please let me say goodbye.
Valentino 6:58 p.m.
It’s been silent for a long time now. I heard people coming in and out but I don’t have the energy to make out their voices. They sound so heavy, I’m really starting to think this is the end. But I can hear one more set of feet close by. Even though I spent less than a day with him, I already know that they are Orion’s, they couldn’t be anyone else’s. I already know how he walks, the way his voice sounds, his soft hazel eyes, and his big laugh. He’s a writer and he deserves to live the life he’s always imagined; the life in his stories, better than he has for the past 18 years. I wish I could have learned more about him. He’s a writer but I never thought to ask him about his favourite book or what he’ll do first when he’s not scared of death around the corner. I wish I could have had more time with him; the boy meant for me.
This boy could convince me to believe in soulmates, even in that cheesy way where he’s the missing half of my soul. I bet that after today even Orion could agree, even though I could hear him saying
“Nah I don’t believe in that shit.”
Except that I’ll never get the chance to hear him again. I won’t be in a room when he comes in and fills it with his laugh or make eye contact with his caring hazel eyes when we’re both thinking something before we say it. I won’t stand across from him and say I do. I won’t spend the rest of my life with him. Or, I guess, I did spend the rest of my life with him, he just won’t spend the rest of his life with me. But that’s a good thing is what I’m trying to remind myself, I want him to have a happy life. I want him to live and love again. I guess death cast was right huh? This is my time now. Maybe I could’ve had more life left to live if I’d just stayed back home. But this was worth it, today was worth it. Today I lived. In all my 19 years of life, today I lived more than I ever have before and today I felt loved. My life in New York would’ve been amazing, but even seeing it for a day, just showed me that moving here was the right choice, even if that was the choice that caused my end day.
But I can’t go yet, I have to hear what Orion will say. It’s so hard to focus, it’s getting so so hard to hold on, but I have to, for Orion. I need him to live for the both of us, to have the long life he deserves. At least I died giving the most thoughtful, loving boy a chance at life.
He better take my heart because if I die for nothing I will haunt him for eternity. I think I would actually really like that, at least I would get to be with him that way. I wonder if that's an option...
It’s all starting to go fuzzy again, but I can hear when Orion says
“I love you, Val. I don’t fucking know how I’m gonna be here without you, but thank you for saving me. I’m always gonna carry you around, you better know that. Not just your heart but I’m gonna live for you. You showed me how to live Valentino and I swear the world will know about Valentino Prince before I’m done with it.”
And with my last ounce of energy, I try to tell him I love him too, more than I ever thought I could love, but I think it’s too late. I hope Death Cast’s mistake doesn’t cost Orion’s life too.
Valentino 9:11 pm
Has it been hours? Minutes? Days? No, it can’t have been days because death cast called me today, just this morning actually. The morning my life started and ended. It’s crazy that this morning feels like forever ago, a whole lifetime I lived from when death cast called and now, to the point where I’m dying. What would my day have been like if death cast never called? I guess I wouldn’t have ever gotten a chance to live or even see New York, I couldn’t even have glimpsed my life. And maybe I never would have met Orion. So yeah, if someone asked me I would say that Death Cast is worth it. I would tell everyone to sign up for Death Cast because you may not realize how much you need it, or just what it can do for you.
I wonder what the news will say about all this tomorrow; in a way, I wish I could be there to see their results. Did Death Cast really succeed or am I just an unlucky coincidence? How ironic would that be, the very first decker being the unlucky coincidence? Maybe in another universe, in another life, I would know and just be hearing about myself, like a story.
There’s a light now, not that far from reach. It’s strange how the closer I get to death the calmer everything around me feels when just this morning I was hysterical about the news. It may have been a short one, but it was a life well lived.
I even left my imprint on the world. Sure, not in the way I was expecting, I may not be on billboards, but the people who matter still have my imprint. They still have my final photos and an imprint on, well, our hearts.
There are people on the other side of the light, it looks like a young man and woman hand in hand. I don’t know who they are, I don’t think I recognize them, but they’re smiling and waving like I’ve known them for years. My last seconds on this earth are peaceful as I slowly let myself be pulled into the light.
“Valentino, we can’t thank you enough for taking care of our Orion.”