Chapter Text
Yeonoh excitedly peered through the slightly opened door, he saw that the new transfer student was seated at his bench, peacefully reading a book in English.
As a calm and respectful student that never got into trouble, Yeonoh was generally well liked by students and teachers alike, so he was often entrusted with errands. This time he was supposed to hand a gym uniform over to the new student, Kwon Jaehyuk. He was a year above him, and was the most gorgeous person Yeonoh had ever seen.
He had black hair that he wore parted to the side, blue-grey eyes, fair skin, a well-defined jaw and the most charming voice. Basically, he was a character out of a movie. And he was his neighbour.
Yeonoh had noticed a long time ago that he liked boys, and not girls. It was not a sudden realisation, he had just always liked them. In fact, he had not realised it was considered weird for boys to like other boys, until his classmates made fun of someone by calling him gay. When he’d asked what that meant, they laughed and told him it was boys that liked to kiss other boys. Still not understanding what was wrong with that, he had asked them. He got weird looks and was told it was gross. So he said okay, and that was that. He made sure after that day to never let on what his orientation was. It had not been hard, because no one ever caught his eye. Until now.
Jaehyuk lived on the same street as him and so, each morning and each evening, they walked to and from school, almost together. Almost because the older one walked a few feet ahead and they didn’t speak as they didn’t know each other. But that gave more than enough time for Yeonoh to observe him. The upperclassman always greeted the elders from the neighbourhood politely, picked up the trash littering the street and sometimes stopped to pet stray cats. A real gentleman.
As soon as he had arrived, he had been a sensation. Girls were in love, and boys wanted to be his friend. So as it happened, the new kid already had more friends than Yeonoh, who was liked by his peers, and at the same time, wasn’t. He was always in his bubble, out of the loop and so docile, he might as well have been a part of the decor. And it was fine by him, he was extremely shy so talking to people was difficult, it didn’t come naturally to him.
However, like everyone else in the school, he wished he could have the interest of Kwon Jaehyuk, who, in his teenage eyes, was simply perfect.
The older boy came from a big city, and his mother was well off. No one knew anything about his father though, and when asked he just glared. So nobody pried, because nobody wanted to get on his bad side.
“Are you going to just stand over there, or are you going to actually come in?” Jaehyuk’s voice startled him.
“I’m sorry.” He apologised, palms sweaty. “I’m supposed to give you your gym uniform.” He walked toward Jaehyuk, his hands shaking as he handed the clothes to him.
“Thanks.” the boy flatly said, taking the clothes from his hands without even glancing at him.
“Oh… well, no problem. I’ll get going now. Have a good day.” Yeonoh bowed before leaving the classroom, practically running to get back to his own. Feeling his heart ache a little. Of course, his crush was one-sided but he was hoping he could at least get a little smile or something, but he had not even looked at him once.
His classmates were all gathered around one of the desks when he arrived. They didn’t notice his presence, and he didn’t dare to bother them by greeting them, so he sat down at his seat and laid his head in his arms.
When the bell rang at the start of the afternoon classes, Yeonoh was absent mindedly looking out the window. He would have to cook dinner when he came home tonight, but he wasn’t sure what they had left. Should he go grocery shopping before going home? But it would be kinda difficult to go with Yeonjun. His little brother was a nice kid, but he tended to want to take more food than they could afford. He was only nine so of course he didn’t realise that they didn’t have much money. Sometimes, Yeonoh had to skip his meals for the day so that his brother could have one. Today was one of those days, and he felt very hungry. The lack of energy made him drowsy, making it hard to focus on the lesson. His eyes drifted to the soccer field where the upperclassmen were having their gym class. He thought he recognized Jaehyuk, running around the field, among the fastests of his class. “ Of course, he’s perfect. Unlike me. ” Yeonoh gloomily thought. He continued to watch until the end of class rang, not having listened to a word his history teacher had said.
He got up and left as quickly as possible, his brother finished classes twenty minutes before him so he had to hurry in order to avoid making him wait too long. Thankfully, the school was just next door. He rushed past everyone in the hallways, he felt a bit queasy but kept it down.
“Yeonoh!” Yeonjun ran toward him, a big grin lighting up his face when he saw him.
“Hey, how was your day?” He ruffled his brother’s hair.
“Nice, I got the best scores on the math test.”
“That’s amazing! Great job!” Yeonoh congratulated him sincerely.
“What about you?”
“Oh it’s fine, like always.” He lied.
“That’s good. Oh! The lunch box was delicious again today. I love it when you’re the one making it.”
“I’ll do it everyday then.” Yeonoh smiled.
“Yes!” Yeonjun fist bumped the air. “Thanks!”
“No problem.”
As they left his brother’s school, Yeonoh recognised Jaehyuk’s back from afar. He was walking a couple feet ahead of them. But today, Yeonoh didn’t feel in the mood to trail behind. He had to go grocery shopping anyway, so they could take a shortcut and avoid the older boy.
“Let’s go that way today, we need to go grocery shopping.”
“Oh can I have a dessert today?”
“We’ll see.” Yeonoh avoided answering. He had a hard time telling his brother that they were scraping the bottom of the barrel, and even one dessert was a luxury that they couldn’t afford.
They entered the shop and his brother faithfully stayed by his side as he mechanically went around to grab what he needed to make noodles for dinner tonight, and rice for tomorrow. He had twenty on him so he could afford to put an egg in the broth today. There wouldn’t be dessert or a full meal, however that would add some protein at least.
He saw his brother eyeing the apples but pretended not to, because he couldn’t afford them. Yeonjun was a good kid, he knew he wouldn’t ask anything twice, but it was hard to know his basic needs weren’t met. It had not always been that bad, but since his father had gotten fired three months ago, things had rapidly declined for them, and winter would soon be here.
He tried not to think about that too much, or the fact their grandmother could barely get up from her bed, or that they probably wouldn’t be able to pay the school next year. The keyword was “tried”, but the anxiety plagued him every passing second, especially when he tried to fall asleep at night.
“It will be 19, 98.” The store clerk told him, with a smile.
“I’ll pay in cash.” He opened up his wallet to pay for the groceries. “Oh…” He felt a cold sweat cover his body. He didn’t have enough on him.
How was that possible? He hadn’t touched his pocket money in weeks, he should have twenty. So why was there only ten in there? He felt the heat rise to his cheeks, he had been so stupid. Why couldn't he just check how much he had before going in?
“Is there a problem?” The retail worker asked.
“Uhm… could I remove one or two items?” He asked, his voice barely getting out.
He felt the glare of the woman, behind him in the line, as well as his brother’s confused look on him. Making him feel nauseous.
“Of course, what would you want to keep?”
“I’ll leave the vegetables and the eggs.” He said, ashamed, as it was most of what he had taken.
“Alright, just give me a sec while I calculate your new total.”She said politely.
The woman behind sighed loudly, muttering about inconsiderate brats that burdened hardworking people. He could feel his heart beat in his ears as the shop clerk gave him his new total and a pitiful look. But the last straw was when he went to grab the rice and noodles and noticed that behind the lady, stood Jaehyuk, with cereals and fruits in hand, watching him.
He froze, feeling his chin tremble before he grabbed his brother’s hand and ran out of the store.
“Big brother what’s wrong?” Yeonjun asked him as they hid at the corner of a street. He was doubled over, unable to breath as tears rolled down his cheeks and he trembled all over.
“I’m sorry, I won't ask for dessert again.” Yeonjun attempted to soothe him. “I didn’t really want one.”
It took him a couple minutes to calm down. And once he did, they went back home, in total silence. From this day on, Yeonjun would be very aware of the precarious situation they were in.
Yeonoh cooked the noodles for his family, bringing a bowl to his grandma, cleaning up and then immediately going to sleep. He was feeling too queasy to keep anything down. He didn’t have a room of his own, so he slept in the living room with his little brother. He brought the blanket over his head, to cut himself from what was happening around him, and tried to fall asleep. But he was still mortified by what had happened today. Not only had another student seen him at one of his worst moments, he was also pretty sure his dad was the one that had taken the money out of his wallet.
He barely got any sleep that night, his mind tirelessly ressassing the day in a torturous loop.
The next morning, after making lunch for his brother they went on their way. The silence was deafening where it was usually chatty and full of laughter.
“What about your lunch?” Yeonjun finally asked him.
“My friend shares with me. It’s much better than what you get. Really you’re the one getting ripped off here” He faked a laugh. But his brother’s pursued lips let him know his lie hadn’t worked this time. It probably wouldn’t anymore.
He left his brother in front of his school gate, wishing him a nice day. His brother nodded, the perpetual smile on his face replaced by a frown. Yeonoh felt his heart clench at the sight, he was failing even his little brother now. Seems like there was nothing he could get right…
His heart and steps were heavy as he made his way to his own school. He felt himself get more nervous every step he took into the building and hoped he wouldn’t cross paths with Jaehyuk today. He spent the whole morning, stressing out about it, wondering if he would tell other people at school that Yeonoh was poor and couldn’t even afford food.
As the break passed and no one seemed to make remarks or laugh at him, Yeonoh relaxed a little, managing to focus on the lessons. The day went well, considering how apprehensive he had been in the morning. Or, it was fine, until gym class.
Things had been going well at first. Yeonoh wasn’t particularly bad or good at sports, so it usually went fine. Not his favourite moment of the week, but still okay.
The issue was that he hadn’t eaten in the last 24 hours and had barely gotten any sleep last night. Today, they were playing basketball and he was trying his best to keep up with the rest of the class. He usually did well in basketball, but today, every step, took everything he had. He was starting to have trouble breathing, was unable to run along with the other guys any longer, and his head was starting to spin.
The class rep, Jaemin, who was in one of the benched teams, got up and approached him, but Yeonoh could barely make out his expression, as everything was blurry around him.
“Are you okay?” He heard him ask. But the voice seemed distorted to him like it was coming through the phone. He opened his mouth to answer, but no words left his lips as he blacked out. The last thing he was aware of was his body hitting the floor.
Yeonoh started gaining his consciousness back little by little, he was aware that he was laying on a bed, but he didn’t have the strength to move or open his eyes. He could only make out the voices of adults standing by.
“...no one is answering the phone. What should we do? Wait for him to wake up?”
“We don’t have much choice. The nurse said he needed some rest anyway. We’ll wait for him to wake up before asking for a way to contact his dad.”
“Are we sure he didn’t just run away like the mother?”
“No, he was seen by other parents in bars around town.”
“Poor kid… What if he doesn’t wake up before the end of school?”
“Then we’ll have to wake him up.”
“He picks up his little brother every day. Should we give the kid’s teacher a heads up?”
“Probably, but we might worry them about nothing.”
“Teacher” A new voice came in, and he recognised it was Jaemin. “I brought back some food from the cafeteria. The nurse said he had to eat something when he woke up.”
“Thank you, you can leave it next to his bed.”
“We should leave now and let him rest.”
“Alright, I’ll check up on him later after class. I can walk him back home too, if necessary.”
“You truly are a good kid, you take your responsibilities as class rep very seriously.”
“It has nothing to do with that, it’s just the bare minimum.” His classmate said.
Yeonoh heard the door close behind them, relieved that they were finally gone. He just wanted to leave the school and never come back. How did the teachers know about his mother leaving and his father drinking, and how could they talk about it with the doors open where anyone could walk by? Could they not save him this last bit of dignity?
He opened his eyes, intending on running away before anyone could accompany him home, he’d be dead before he gave them a free ride to the circus freak show that was his life.
The class rep had left an apple, a pudding and some orange juice for him. He opened up the pudding and ate it. He would give the apple to his brother for dessert tonight and the juice for tomorrow.
The nurse came back as he finished eating his pudding. She made sure that he had no injury and was feeling better before she allowed him to leave early. There was only twenty minutes of class left anyway, so it was no big deal. He made his way to his brother's school, walking at a slower pace than usual. He hadn’t hurt his head when he fell, which was a good thing, but he still wasn’t feeling at the top of his form.
He waved to his brother, Yeonjun was surprised to see him come earlier than usual.
“Why are you here so early?” He asked.
“My teacher was done, so he let us out earlier.” he lied. “Say bye to your friends, we have to go home.”
“Alright.” Yeonjun ran to tell his friends goodbye and grab his bag. “Do you know when dad is coming home?” There was a silence.
“No, I don’t.” It had been three days since their father had last been home. It wasn’t new for him to disappear for a couple days, but this time, their grandma wasn’t feeling well either. So they really had to do everything on their own.
“I got you something.” Yeonoh said, in an attempt to alleviate his brother’s worries.
“What?”
“Tadah!” He grabbed the apple out of his bag, giving it to Yeonjun. “You get some dessert tonight.”
“Thanks.” His brother smiled, although it never reached his eyes.
Yeonoh was still feeling a little dizzy when he got home but he had to cook, clean, and then do his homework. He felt a little sorry he hadn’t seen Jaehyuk today while walking home, it used to be the highlight of his day until two days ago.
He wondered what it was like to not have to take care of one’s family and being able to live normally, to afford food and play games instead of cooking and cleaning. He wondered what Jaehyuk did when he got home. Did he play online with his friends from the city, or watch movies? Or did he start by doing his homework and then having lunch with his mother?
Yeonoh wished he was free and had the means to do all that. He wished his family would disappear.
He stopped in his tracks, clasping his hands over his mouth as realisation of what he’d wished struck him. “ I’m a monster .” He chastised himself. “ How could I ever think that?! ”. His eyes stopped on the half of the apple, his brother had left for him, feeling even worse.
The bell rang, stopping the hurricane of thoughts inside of his head. He went to the door and opened without checking, thinking his father had finally come home.
But his father wasn’t here, instead, Jaehyuk was standing at his door, clutching plastic boxes in his hands, looking embarrassed.
“H-hi…” Yeonoh stuttered, he didn't think Jaehyuk knew they were neighbours.
“Hi.” Jaehyuk cleared his throat. “My mom made too much food so she told me to bring some over, since we’re neighbours.” He handed the boxes to Yeonoh.
“Oh no we can’t accept this.” Yeonoh reddened, aware that this was just an excuse.
“If I go back home with them, she won't let me hear the end of it. So just take them, for me.”
“S-sure.” Yeonoh looked away, his face radiating in heat. “Thank her for us then.”
“I will.” Jaehyuk said. “I’ll see you at school.”
“Yeah…”
Yeonoh went back inside after watching the older boy walk away. In the two months since he had been here, his mother had never given them leftovers, and now, the day right after he saw him unable to buy groceries, she suddenly did. He sighed, a smile on his lips. This crush was going to be very difficult to get over.