Work Text:
Tonight was not a good night. Today hadn't exactly been a very good day either. Nor had this week, if he was being honest. When was the last time he had had a good day?
Mitsuzane sighed and rolled over onto his side, staring at the wall. He had been unable to sleep tonight. His mind was too loud. He couldn't get a moment of peace from it.
Sometimes he wished that he never found out about anything going on. Life was so much better when he was blissfully unaware of Helheim and its attempt at destroying their world. Ever since all of this started, he never felt okay. Never was able to have a moment of peace. It was always one thing after the other.
Tonight was another one of the countless sleepless nights he had recently. Often times he just got lost in his head, thinking over everything that was going on. The next thing he would know, it was morning. Other times, like tonight, visions of horrible outcomes of this mess would plague him every time he closed his eyes.
Mitsuzane hated this. Why did any of this have to happen? Why couldn't he get to just be a normal kid? Why did fate have to be so cruel to him? All he wanted was to have fun with his friends...
He glanced at the clock. 2 AM. Still no sign of being able to sleep. Was it even worth it to keep trying at this point? He could probably find something to do to make the time go by faster since he very obviously was not getting to sleep right now.
As he pondered what he could do, a stray thought found its way into his head. One that he had to pause and take a minute to reflect on.
Maybe nii-san could help...
Mitsuzane didn't know what to think of that. Why was that something he'd even consider? Takatora wouldn't help him. He'd just be annoying him by going there now. And besides, he didn't like his brother that much anymore. He was the last person he wanted comfort from at this point. He barely seemed to care about him anymore.
But yet, Mitsuzane found himself getting up and making his way out of his room and down the hall. His steps were slow and uneven. Was he really going to do this?
When even was the last time he had ever done this? It had to have been years since he had sought out comfort from his older brother like this. He shouldn't need to do this. He should be able to be strong enough to handle all of this on his own.
And yet here he was, now standing in front of Takatora's door. Mitsuzane stood there for a while, debating still if this was worth it. Eventually he brought up his hand and knocked on the door.
Instead of waiting outside for an answer, Mitsuzane opened the door a bit and peered into the room. It was hard to see much in the room. There wasn't much moonlight tonight and his eyes were not quite adjusted to that much darkness yet.
"Mitsuzane...?" Finally came a reply to his knock and entrance.
Mitsuzane nervously fiddled with the door as he responded, "I... I can't sleep... I had a bad dream..."
There was too long of a moment of silence after he asked that. Mitsuzane was prepared for the worst now. He was probably overstepping his boundaries right now.
There was a faint sigh from Takatora before he spoke, "Alright. Come in."
Mitsuzane didn't move right away. He stared at Takatora. Was he actually allowing this? Was there a hidden motive behind this?
He hesitantly entered the room, shutting the door behind him. His eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness to make his way to the bed without running into anything.
Takatora had made room for him on the bed already. Mitsuzane slowly climbed in beside him. He felt awkward doing this. When was the last time he had ever shared a bed with his older brother?
The two brothers laid there in silence for a while. Mitsuzane felt like he should probably say something, but had no idea what to say. Maybe it was better to just stay silent and try to sleep? Barely acknowledge that this was happening right now.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Takatora questioned, albeit seemingly hesitantly. Perhaps he also wasn't entirely sure what to do with this situation.
"Talk about what?"
"The dream."
"Not really..."
Mitsuzane didn't want Takatora to realize how badly this entire situation with Helheim was affecting him. He had to keep quite about all of his worries. He wanted Takatora to think he was strong. That he was capable of dealing with all of this much better than he truly was.
At his negative answer, they fell into another awkward silence. Neither seemed to know what they should or shouldn't do right now. A lot of things had changed since they had been in a scenario like this.
"Do you... want a hug?" Takatora broke the silence to ask.
A hug? Mitsuzane hadn't been expecting that offer. Did he say yes? But... did he really want a hug from him? Takatora had stopped being affectionate at all toward him years ago. Did he want to potentially unleash all those old feelings by accepting his offer?
"I... I'd like that..." Mitsuzane mumbled. The offer was too tempting despite all his reasonings against it.
Takatora opened his arms. Mitsuzane hesitantly shifted over into his embrace. Once he was pressed up against his older brother, he was hugged.
It was a weird feeling. It reminded him of when they had definitely been a lot closer. It did make his heart ache a bit as he recalled those memories.
Why had so much changed? Why did they drift so far apart? Why did he feel so unable to approach Takatora about anything bothering him? This wasn't anything he had ever wanted. He missed the old days. Missed when he didn't feel so alone in this world.
"Brings back memories, doesn't it?" Takatora seemed to be having the same thoughts as him.
Mitsuzane nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He feared his voice might show the emotions he was feeling right now. That was the last thing he wanted to deal with. He couldn't explain to Takatora why he felt like that.
"Try and get some sleep then. Wake me if you need me." Takatora said.
Mitsuzane spoke without thinking. "Can I have a kiss?"
Did he actually just ask that? The feelings of back then were getting to him too much. He needed to get a better grip on things. He couldn't rely on Takatora like that anymore.
"A kiss?" Takatora repeated his request. "I guess I can do that."
A kiss was pressed to his head. Mitsuzane couldn't stop himself from tearing up. He really hated this now. Hated being reminded of what used to be. Hated how much he wanted to keep going now and ask for more. To recreate the relationship they had back then.
"I love you, nii-san..." Mitsuzane whispered, hugging Takatora tightly. He didn't know what else to do.
"I love you too, Mitsuzane."
As hard as he tried, the tears came. Hearing Takatora say that opened the flood gates and there was no way he was stopping it now.
"It's been so long since you've told me that..." Mitsuzane whispered, fumbling to try and explain his tears before Takatora asked too much into it.
"Has it...?" Takatora paused for a minute. "I'm sorry. I guess I've been so busy with work I've been neglecting to have time for you."
"Work is... really important... it's fine... I'm sorry..."
"It's not fine if you're crying over it."
"I don't need you to care that much about me. I'm almost an adult. I'm fine." Mitsuzane tried to deflect his statement.
It seemed that only made things worse for him. Takatora's grip tightened and he was pulled in even closer. A few more kisses were pressed against his head.
"You're still a kid though. I'm sorry I've not been there for you as much as you need. I'll try to make it up to you."
No. This was all wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen. Takatora wasn't supposed to do this. They were meant to just keep going on how they had been. He didn't want to deal with a whole new issue again.
Mitsuzane decides to just stay quiet. There was no point in trying to keep talking about this. He was far too emotional for Takatora to listen to his objections. He could maybe try in the morning when he had calmed down a bit.
But for now... maybe he'd indulge in the comfort he was being offered. As much as he still had very mixed feeling about Takatora, he didn't want to pull away from this situation. One night couldn't hurt. Tomorrow, he'd get himself together and things would go back to normal.
But for tonight, he just wanted to be a kid again.