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Chapter Text

Maya has been here for a week and she finally felt like the jet lag has faded enough for her to function like a normal person. And perfect timing as well. It was racing day and Maya was going to go and hopefully find a job. She just got up and left her old life and she probably should've looked for something before coming here, but it was a spur of the moment decision. She just had to get out.
So now, she was staying at B&B with the clothes that fit into a suitcase and only the essentials. This was going to be her new beginning, away from everything she left behind. 

Shaking her head, she forced herself to concentrate on the here and now. Moving to the dresser in the corner, she picked out an outfit for today, a pair of dark jeans and a nice shirt, put on some shoes and grabbed a jacket. After checking for her wallet, phone and keys, she left the room and made her way to the bus station. She had not yet come around to buy a car and if she was being honest with herself, she didn't know if she was brave enough to do that yet. Driving on the other side of the road took some getting used to. 

She watched the scenery fly by her window. One big part of why she decided to move to Ireland was this beautiful landscape. When she exited half an hour later, she took a big breath, smiled at the fresh air. Another perk of her new home. 

After purchasing a ticket, she entered the race track and immediately a smile started to form on her face. This was where she felt most at home. Even if she didn't know anyone yet, the atmosphere was the same. She bought herself a program and slowly made her way over to the parade ring. She wanted to get a feel for the scene, check out the horses and people and hopefully find someone who would give her a chance. 

As it turned out, it was easier said than done. And yes, trying to talk during racing day was maybe not her smartest move. So, after two races she turned to just watching and observing the people around her. 

It was when she sat down to eat something and have a beer that someone approached her. She didn't realise at first, too stuck in her head, slightly frowning. She only looked up when she heard the voice of a woman next to her.
"You look familiar.", she said. When Maya looked over, she saw a beautiful woman sitting there. Her brown hair was pulled back in a french braid, her brown eyes looked at her curiously while she cocked her head to the side.
"Oh, it's my first time here.", she answered with a small smile.
"Hm, no. I know you from somewhere else." She seemed to think about it for a moment, then her face lit up.
"Are you staying in Kells?" Maya nodded, dumbfounded.
"How do you know?", she asked and the other woman's smile broadened.
"I was visiting a friend and we saw you run by the café. You caught my eye." Maya didn't know what to say to that. She frowned instead. "I'm so sorry! Dr Carina DeLuca!" She held out her hand, still with that bright smile on her face. Maya thought for a second. Making friends was never in her plans for today, but really, what could it hurt? She was a stranger here, she could use someone who knows their way around here.
"Maya Bishop!" She grasped the hand in a strong handshake and returned the smile. If possible, Carina's smile got even bigger. 

"So, Maya Bishop. If I buy you a drink, will you tell me what brings an American to the Irish lands?" Again, Maya thought about answering, decided on a shrug.
"I needed a change of scenery." That was as good an answer as she was able to give herself. "Then again, what does an Italian doctor do in the Irish lands?" A smirk formed on her face and Carina let out a laugh that turned the smirk into a smile.
"The same reason, really.", she said, not missing a beat. Maya laughed, took a gulp of beer and then asked: "What kind of doctor are you?"
"Veterinarian." Maya whistled.
"Really? Are you on duty here?" Carina shook her head.
"No, I'm just here for pleasure today. A friend of mine breeds and trains, that's how I got into racing. And even if they couldn't come today, I still decided to. And I'm quite glad, I did." That damn smile! Carina took a sip of her coke. "What about you? What brought you here?" 

"I'm looking for a job, actually. I rode a few races in the States and now I'm trying to find someone who might give me a chance." She did feel a little self conscious now. 'A few races' was an understatement. She basically grew up on the track and her father made sure to get her on the horse as soon as possible. The real breakthrough didn't come though. Much to Lane's disappointment. 

The blonde was abruptly pulled out of her thoughts by a pair of fingers snapped in front of her face. Startled, she looked back at Carina.
"Sorry, did you say something?" Carina chuckled.
"Sì, I was asking if you're any good? The friend I told you about, she's looking for a rider. If you want, I can ask her to call you and you can talk about it?"
"That would require me giving you my number…"
"Sì!" Carina smirked and Maya let out a laugh.
"You could've just asked! I would've given you my number."
"Good to know." Carina smiled and gave her phone to Maya so she could put her number in.
"Just so we're clear," Maya said after sending a text to Carina and pocketing her phone, "you can text me anytime you want." They both smirked. 

"I'm gonna head back over to the track, do you want to join me, Bella?" Maya nodded and together they walked to stand by the rails close to the finish line and watched the last races. Carina knew her horses and commented on some, gave tips on who might win and surprisingly she was right quite often. Maya had a lot of fun with Carina and really hoped she would text and maybe wanted to see her again. She could really use a friend. 

They left together and after Maya said she was gonna take the bus, Carina offered her a ride home. They continued talking in the car, Carina told her about her brother and also about her friend, Lucy, and her stud and racing barn. Maya tried to make as many mental notes as possible to be prepared and do some research before a possible call. 

When they arrived at the B&B, Carina parked, but neither of them made any attempts to leave. They kept talking, until Carina's yawning got overwhelming.
"I'm gonna let you go, so you can rest." They smiled at each other. "I had a lot of fun today. Thank you for coming to talk to me. And for the ride, of course." Carina flashed her one of those beautiful smiles.
"It was my pleasure, Bella! I had a great time as well and I hope that we can maybe see each other again?" Maya nodded.
"I'd like that! I can really use a friend!" Maya thought she saw the other woman's smile dim the tiniest bit, on the other hand, she preferred to be honest from the beginning. Plus, who knew what the future would bring? 

Carina on the other hand, while a bit disappointed, decided that she would rather be Maya's friend, than not see her again and spend time with her. 

"Okay, Bella. I'll text you, okay?" Maya nodded and smiled brightly, then opened the door to get out.
"I can't wait!" Then her smile softened. "Goodnight, Carina!"
"Goodnight, Maya!"

Chapter Text

It did not take long to hear from the vet. An hour later, Maya's phone beeped with a message from an unknown number. 

'Hey Bella! I'm home now. Just wanted to let you know.l'

A second later, another message came through.

'It's Carina.' 

Maya smiled at that, because who else would it be? 

Maya
'Hey Carina, thanks letting me know! I hope you get some rest now!' 

She bit her lip, chewing on it, before writing a follow up message.

Maya
'Thank you for today! I had a lot of fun with you :)' 

For a moment she wondered if the smiley face was too much, but she didn't get much time to get self-conscious as another message came through.  

Carina
'I had a lot of fun as well! I hope we can see each other again soon! :)'

And another one came through right after. 

Carina
'I talked to Lucy on the way back and she'll get back to you in the next few days!' 

Maya smiled. She didn't really believe in fate, but meeting Carina today felt a lot like it.
If she believed, of course. 

Maya
'We can definitely see each other again! Right now, I have a lot of free time on my hands. So just let me know if you're in the area!' 

Maya knew that Carina lives farther away and was in her area only a few times a month. 

Carina

'I will Bella!' She then also sent over some recommendations for cafés, restaurants and sights in her area so the jockey could get around a bit. Maya had to smile at that. It seems she really has found the right person. 

They text back and forth for the rest of the evening, talking about things they liked and disliked until it was time to go to bed. 

The next day Maya woke up at 4:30 like usual to go on her daily run. She did consider texting Carina, but she didn't want to annoy her. Or wake her up for that matter. When she came back home an hour later, however, a text waited for her on her phone. 

Carina
'Buongiorno Bella!' Maya smiled. She sent back a good morning before hopping into the shower. 

Carina
'Why are you up at this ungodly hour?!' The blonde smiled at the answer. She woke up this early every day so she could go on a run. She needed to stay fit for her job and on top of that, it has always given her an escape. At home it was the only time of the day she could be alone and free from her father. 

Maya
'I go running every morning. And since my normal day back home started early and I wanted to get my run in before that, I get up at this ungodly hour. My father always said the earlier you start your day, the more day you have.' 

Carina
'Your father clearly never experienced the joy of sleeping in!' 

Maya let out a laugh, because this was spot on. However, she didn't want to dig deeper into this.

Maya
'You're up as well, tho! Why's with that?' 

Carina 
'Aaah I have to work! The animals don't care much for my sleep, unfortunately!'

They kept texting on and off the whole day. It didn't feel awkward at all. On the contrary, they really felt like they've known each other for a long time. Carina told Maya about some odd cases she's experienced in her career, which Maya found fascinating and funny. Maya in turn told her a few stories from home. Nothing too personal, but she spoke about her best friend, Andy, and a bit about her brother, Mason. Which in turn prompted Carina to talk about her brother, Andrea. Who now insisted on being called Andrew, but Carina didn't really care. 

The blonde smiled, whenever her phone chimed with a new text. Around midday, her phone rang with a call from an unknown number. Heart racing, she answered. 

"Bishop?" 

"Hey, is this Maya Bishop?" The voice on the other side of the line was female, she had the tiniest Irish accent but was easy to understand. When Maya first came here, she had trouble understanding some of the people.

"Yes, this is Maya Bishop." 

"Perfect! My name is Luciana O'Hara. Carina reached out to me. Uhm Carina DeLuca and she said that you were looking for a job?" Maya's heart beat even faster now and she was worried it could be heard through the phone. 

"Yes! Thank you for your call! I am looking for a job and start when I told Carina, she said she would forward my number to you." There was a chuckle on the other end of the line, but no comment.

"So, tell me about you? What have you done so far?" 

So Maya told her about her experience so far, how long she's been riding and everything else she was asked. 

"I see. So how come you've never ridden any big races?" 

Maya stalled. She held her breath for a second, because this question hit deeper for her than her possible employer could imagine. 

"Uh, well. My former boss decided I didn't deserve to ride any bigger races." The pause on the other end was very loud. Maya took another steadying breath. She came here to start a new life and she wasn't about to let it get ruined by her old one. "It was my father. My boss, I mean. He was my father and he decided I could only play in the big league if I earned it. Then continued to put me on horses that had a very low chance of winning, making sure I will never move up so I would be stuck with him. Because no one will employ someone without decent experience. A girl, no less." The blonde stopped herself, before she got into rambling. "So, yes. That's why I haven't really done anything big." There was another moment of silence. 

"Okay. Thank you for telling me. How about this: You come here for a day or two and I'll see what you can do. And then we'll decide if we can work together?" Maya was stunned. She expected to be told not to bother, or even being hung up.

"Wait, really?" Lucy chuckled. 

"Yeah really. How does Thursday and Friday sound?" 

"Perfect! I mean, I'll have to see how I'm gonna get there, but I'll manage."

"You don't have a car?"

"Oh, no. Not yet. I need some practice driving on the wrong side of the road first." Lucy let out a laugh. She then started to explain the fastest way to get to her place by bus, which Maya wrote down on a piece of paper. 

"Thank you so much!" She said with a big smile on her face.

"Thank you! I'm looking forward to meeting you!" 

They both hung up, but Maya couldn't get the smile off her face. 
This was it.
This was the first step to her new life. 
Or maybe the second if you counted moving here. 

She was pulled from her thoughts by her phone chiming. 

Carina
'I just had to pull a dog's squeaky toy out of a horse… The ideas some people get.' 

If possible, Maya's smile got even bigger and she let out a laugh. 

Maya
'Do I want to know how it got there?' 

She hesitated for just a second, then sent another text.

Maya
'Your friend called me! She asked me to come over Thursday to Friday to show her what I can do and then, hopefully, I can stay?!' 

She bit her lip to contain her excitement. This could be a step in the right direction for her. Carina's answer was immediate.

Carina
'Really?! Oh I'm so happy for you, Bella! Lucy is great, you're gonna like her! And we can see each other when you're here. You'll have to keep me updated, but I believe in you!' 

Maya didn't know why she had that twinge in her stomach, but she also couldn't really care right now. 

Carina
'Oh and the owner thought it would make a cute video idea and didn't think about the fact that the horse could swallow it. Stupida' 

The rest of the day continued like that, they would text back and forth, all while Maya went about her day. She decided to already buy tickets for the travel and checked all her gear, twice. 
After that she went on a walk around town, grabbing a bite to eat and chatting with some of the locals. Carina has been quiet for a bit and she guessed that she had another patient to take care of. 
When she came home, she took a shower and got ready for bed. It felt weird to go to bed without saying goodnight, so she sent off another text. 

Maya
'I'm going to bed now. I don't know if you're working tonight, but if yes, I hope it's calm! If not, I hope you sleep well! Goodnight Carina, talk to you tomorrow?' 

And without overthinking it, she hit Send, turned around and fell asleep.

Chapter Text

She woke up to a text from Carina.

Carina
I'm sorry Bella! I was at an emergency. I do not have to work the night, so I'm gonna sleep and then sleep in tomorrow. 

She smiled at her phone. 

Maya
I'm glad to hear that! I hope you had a good night's sleep and can start this day refreshed. 

She frowned at her phone, but she still sent it, got up and went out on a run.

Carina and her continued to text throughout the whole week. It was nice getting to know her. They talked about this and that, Maya had questions about her new home and her possible new boss. Carina asked her about her life in the States and while Maya was quite uptight about it, she told her some stuff without going into much detail. If Carina realised, she didn't say anything. 

Wednesday evening she took the bus to Galway. Carina promised to pick her up. She would also stay with her for the two days and possibly the weekend as well. Carina had a bike that she offered to her, she didn't live that far away from Lucy's place. 

Seeing Carina again was a bit awkward at first, because she didn't know how to act with her. Technically, they were still strangers, but on the other hand, they've been texting non stop the last week. Carina took matters out of her hand by walking towards her with the biggest grin and pulling her into a hug. 
"Ciao Bella!" She smiled brightly when she pulled back and Maya couldn't do anything but return it. 
"Hey! It's good to see you again!" "It's good to see you, too! Let me help you with that!" And she took one of Maya's bags, turned around and started walking to her car. Maya hurried to follow her. 

"How was your journey?" 
"Oh, it was okay. I'm glad I took the late bus, there are less chances of kids shouting and crying for the entirety of the drive." She grinned as the Italian let out a chuckle. 

After loading the bags in the car, Carina started driving out of the city. 
"How far is it from here to your place?"
"Uhm about half an hour?" Maya nodded and looked out of the window, watching the scenery fly by. 
"I don't think I'll ever get over how green everything is!" She was still looking outside, so she didn't see Carina smiling. 

They drove in comfortable silence while it slowly got dark outside. Maya fought to stay awake, she woke up at the crack of dawn the last few days, she usually did, but for some reason she also slept rather badly for some reason. 
"Are you okay? You're very quiet." Maya smiled a bit as she turned around and faced Carina.
"I'm okay. I've just not been sleeping well and I'm tired. I guess I was just more nervous than I thought." She nearly whispered the last sentence, but Carina must've heard her, because she reached over the console and squeezed her thigh. 
"You don't need to be nervous. I promise, Lucy is really great. She's a hardass, but very fair. I've been friends with her ever since I moved here. And you said you've been riding for a while. Just act fair with the horses, treat them right and you'll be fine!" She looked over for a second and smiled at her.
"We're nearly there!" 

They indeed pulled into the driveway of a small cottage just a few minutes later. 
"That's cute!" It was now really dark, but there were lamps next to the door that gave it a little fairy house vibe. Maya usually wasn't the romantic type, but this house was giving out such a peaceful atmosphere, she couldn't help but take a deep breath, let out all the air and somehow feel more relaxed. She heard Carina unpacking the car and hurried over to help her. They smiled at each other and the Italian could sense that Maya felt more relaxed than a minute before. 
"Let's go inside. My roommate is visiting her family for the week, so you can have my bed and I'll take hers." 
"Are you sure? I don't mind sleeping on the couch." 
"No, it's fine! You need to get rest and our sofa is not very comfortable." Carina opened the door and held out her arm to invite Maya in. 

The inside was just as charming as the outside. Maya saw a lot of Carina in the decorations as said woman clicked on a low light. 
"Are you hungry? I have leftover lasagna that I can heat up for us." 
"Yeah, I am hungry actually. I didn't even realise…" The blonde furrowed her eyebrows and frowned a bit. How did she not notice how hungry she was.
"Okay why don't you take a shower and get settled on and then we can eat?" As Maya nods, the other woman showed her the room she would be staying in and then the bathroom. 
"Just make yourself at home!" With that, she left her short-time roommate to go and heat up food for the two of them. 

While she waited for that to happen, she set the table and changed into more comfortable clothes. Carina settled on the sofa and waited for Maya. 
She didn't need to wait long, Maya came out just as the oven alerted her that the food was finished. Maya had changed into a pair of sweats and an oversized pullover. She looked refreshed, but still tired. Maya opened her mouth to say something, but her stomach interrupted her with a loud grumble. 
"Alright, come on! Foods over here!" Carina chuckled, took Maya by the hand and let her over to the table and pulled out a chair. Maya blinked, she wasn't used to someone doing this. Usually she was the one to open doors and pull out chairs. She also realised that she didn't really mind it much when Carina did it. 

She must've zoned out for a moment because when her eyes focused again, a plate with steaming lasagne was placed in front of her and Carina sat down opposite her. 
"You're really tired, aren't you?" The blonde nods and shrugs at the same time. Being this tired wasn't all that new to her, she was quite used to it. Her father had a faible for not letting her sleep, or eat if she didn't bring the results he wanted. Maya shook herself out of the memories and took a bite of food. 

"Oh my God, this is so good! Where did you learn how to cook?" 
"My nonna taught me. She showed me all the old family recipes and taught me until I got it right." Maya smiled at Carina's soft face.
"Nonna is your grandma?" The brunette nods while chewing. 

They continue to eat in silence, both women are tired and also are not entirely sure what to talk about. Maya insisted on helping with the dishes, again mostly in a comfortable silence. They stood next to each other, lightly touching every now and then, both women smiled to themselves. 
"Okay I really have to go to sleep, I have an early day and you should go too, Bella." Carina had to resist the urge to move a piece of Maya's hair out of her face. 
"You're right. Will I see you tomorrow morning?" 
"Yeah, I think so. I don't want you to be alone on your first morning here." 
"Thank you!" They stared at each other for a moment, before Maya pulled herself together again. 
"Goodnight, Carina! Sleep well!" 

"You too, Bella!" 

When her alarm went off the next morning she woke up with the strange feeling that came with waking up in a strange bed. She then realised the smell that was around her was oddly comforting. With a sigh she allowed herself to cuddle back into her sheets, just for a few moments when her brain caught up with her and she remembered exactly where she was. Maya could feel the heat creeping up her face. Breathing deeply, she sat up and then got out of bed. She quickly gathered up some clothes and left the room to go change in the bathroom. Walking down the hall she could hear humming from the direction of the kitchen and the clatter of activity. There was a clench in her chest that she couldn't quite explain, but it made her take a few deep breaths until the clenched feeling settled deeper in her stomach and she could move again. 

She quickly changed into her favourite pair of breeches and a tight shirt. Her hair was still too short to be pulled into a ponytail that she would be able to wear under the helmet, so she just left it open and only brushed it through. She contemplated make-up and settled on simple mascara. When she was satisfied with her first day look, she left the bathroom, put her sleeping shirt back in her room and followed the humming and the now heavenly smell to the kitchen. Arriving there she had to take a second to take in the view. Carina was standing in front of the stove, wearing a pair of tight jeans and a green polo shirt. Her hair was in a french braid again today that hung over her shoulder. 

"Morning." The Italian flinched, she clearly hadn't heard Maya come into the kitchen. 
"Morning Maya!" She turned around and smiled. "Sit down, I just finished making french toast!" The blonde was stunned. 
"You made french toast? Why?"
"Because it's your first day and you need a decent breakfast! I know it's really early and maybe you don't even eat breakfast. Or maybe you can't eat that, Dio do you have any allergies?!" In two steps Maya stood next to a Carina and put a hand on her arm. 
"Hey." She searched for brown eyes and waited until they were locked on her blue ones. "Deep breath." She mimicked the action and smiled when Carina managed to do it. "Good. Now, I don't usually get eat breakfast, but I'll make an exception, because this smells amazing. I'm allergic to nuts. And to ibuprofen, but I don't think you're gonna put that in our breakfast?" She smiled at Carina's little chuckle while stroking her thumb over the brunette's arm. "So, let's eat?" Carina let out a breath and nods. 

"Yeah." She turned around, pulling away from Maya in the process and plated their breakfast. 

The blonde felt her nerves about the day ahead creep back in. She fell into a thoughtful silence while slowly eating the food. 
"Do you like it?" It was Maya's turn to flinch and she looked up at the woman opposite. 
"Yes, it's really good. Thank you for making it, you didn't need to!" 
"Oh it was no problem! I probably won't be doing it every day." They smiled at each other.
"There's no need, like I said I usually don't eat breakfast anyway. Is this another of your Nonna's recipes?" Carina nods at the question.
"Yes, but I perfected it over the years." They fell back into a now comfortable silence, still smiling at each other whenever they caught each other's eye.
When they were finished, Maya fought Carina on doing the dishes since she already cooked and they compromised that Maya washed them while Carina dried and put them away. 

"Are you ready?" They now stood in front of the cottage, Maya was checking the bike, while Carina leant against her Porsche. 
"Yeah! I'm excited actually!" She looked over to shoot her a smile, then continued to pack her stuff into the basket. 
"Oh! Wait!" Carina hurried around the house and came back a moment later. "Here, take this. You'll probably be home before I am." With that she pressed a key into Maya's hand. 
"Woah, usually you buy a girl dinner first!" 
"If I recall correctly, I made you dinner yesterday!" Oh the smirk was gonna be a problem. 
"Right. That's right." A look at her watch made her curse. "I'm gonna be late! I'm sorry, I gotta go! See you later!" 

And with that she hopped on the bike and started driving down the road. Hopefully towards her future.

Chapter Text

Maya was standing in front of the big, dark red metal gate. She had just rang the bell and was told to wait, someone was going to come and get her. So while she was waiting, all she had to do was look around. From where she was standing, she saw the neat gravel road leading deeper into the property. It was lined by trees and Maya really didn't know anything about trees, so she had no idea what kind they were. Behind the line of trees she could see black wooden fence, everything looked very tidy and well cared for. 

"Hey!" Maya jumped when a voice called out and the gate started moving and rattling. She looked around to find the source of the voice and saw a young woman standing behind the gate. She seemed to be around Maya's age, her black hair was pulled back in tight braids and she was wearing jeans and a dark red polo shirt in a similar colour to the gate with a blue logo in the chest. 

When the gate finally opened the woman took a step forward. Her face was kind, her eyes sparkled in a friendly, yet mischievous way and she smiled as she stretched out her hand and Maya shook it.
"Hey! I'm Vic. You're Maya right?" At Maya's nod her smile got even bigger. "Great! Come in! We'll get right down to the track. Lucy is riding that's why she sent me." They started walking down the gravel road and Vic showed her where she can put her bike and started explaining a bit about the buildings they walked by and some of the horses they saw out in the fields. Finally they arrived at a stable that was busy with people and horses getting tacked up. Vic waved at a woman that just rode in front of a small group of horses. 

"Lucy! Maya Bishop is here!" The other woman steered her horse over to the two of them and jumped off, holding on to reins with one hand while holding out the other. 
"It's so nice to meet you, Maya! I'm Lucy. We're just gonna set you up for the next three lots if you're up for it and afterwards I'll show you around and we'll talk?" Maya nods. 
"Yeah, that sounds good!" Lucy smiled at her. Maya was surprised that she, too, was quite young probably around Carina's age. She had her brown hair in a low bun under her helmet, she was wearing racing breeches and the same polo shirt as Vic. 

"Travis!" She called and a man looked up from the other side of the court. "Can you set Maya here up with Cap?" She saw the man nod and come over. 

"Nice to meet you, Maya. I'm Travis. I work here as an exercise rider. Come on, I'll show you your first horse of the day." They walked into a four side yard with stables on three sides and a wall with an arch on the fourth. In the middle of the yard a big tree was planted that threw shade over it. 
"This is Captain. She's our safest horse and everyone's first ride here. She's 12 years old and doesn't actively race anymore, but she goes in front of the youngsters and teaches the apprentices how to ride safely." A chestnut head stretched looked over the door. She had a kind eye, a little snip on her nose and not a lot of forelock. 
"Captain is a mare?" Travis laughed.
"Yeah. Her racing name is Lady Luca, but it's just her attitude, you know? She has that aura and was called captain ever since she came in as a three year-old." Travis stroked the mare's neck and smiled at Maya. "Come on, I'll show you where you can get brushes and tack." The blonde followed the man.
"Do you not start them as two year-olds?" Travis shook his head. 
"Boss doesn't really do it. She says why run them young when you can run them long? Every year there are only two or three that she races as two year-olds and they're most often the ones that go up to group level. So she lets them run late in the year in a race so they have the experience as a three year-old. But typically, no. The owners know that as well. If you want your two-year-old on the track, don't bring them here." Maya just nods to all of that because it's very different from what she learned back home. 
"My father, who was my old boss, he raced them all. He didn't care if they made it or not. If they couldn't handle the pressure at two, he would just sell them." Travis is silent for a moment. 
"That's horrible. Is that why you left?"
"One of the reasons, yes." He just nods, but doesn't ask further. Instead, he pushes open a door which leads them into a tack room. 
"You can use this." He pointed to a plain, black saddle with thick pads underneath "and this. Brushes are here" He handed her a dark green bridle and pointed to a box in the corner labeled 'Cap'. "Do you need anything else? Helmet?" Maya shook her head. 
"No, thanks. I've got everything."
"Alright then! When you're finished tacking up, come back to the main yard." 
"The one we were in earlier?" The man nods, then leaves Maya, who picks up the saddle with pads on one arm and grabs the brushes with her free hand while the bridle hangs over her shoulder. 

"Hey girl!" She smiles at the horse who looks over the door after being called, still chewing on some hay. Maya moves to tack up quickly while quietly talking to the mare and stroking her nose every chance she gets. Her father always told her she's too soft with them and she tried to stop showing them so much affection, but she just couldn't help herself. She always had her favourites and they would always get an extra pat, an extra stroke or a piece of her apple. 

After tacking up and checking everything one last time, she puts on her helmet, grabs the reins and walks back over to the main yard. Some others are already there, riding the horses in walk while they wait for the others. She stands to the side feeling a bit awkward until Vic comes over. 
"You want me to throw you up?"
"Yes, please!" After pulling down the stirrups, Vic throws her up and then points to a big bay gelding. 
"Lucy wants you to stay behind her for now. Have fun!" She pats the mare on the neck and smiles up at Maya before taking a step back. Maya wait until Lucy rides by next and moves in behind her and in front of a grey horse. The rider smiles at her and tips his helmet. She smiles back. So far, everyone seemed to be very nice and she was feeling really comfortable. 

When the last rider joined them, Lucy signaled them to follow her. She turned to Maya and asked her to come ride next to her.
"We're gonna head to the trot ring first, which leads through the forest and to the track where we'll just do an easy canter. In this round I'd like to stay behind me. Next round you'll be in front of me. Sound okay?" At Maya's nod she smiled. "Captain is a saint, she'll take good care of you!" Maya smiled again, because while she appreciated that, she could ride and was sure she would be fine. 

The riders reached the forest and Lucy gave the signal to start trotting. Maya shortened the reins and started trotting, following Lucy. Captain started chewing on the bit, trotting steadily and going on the bit. The blonde stroked her neck and smiled. She looked around the path. The forest around them was thick and dense and seemed to be quite old. It was beautiful and she would love to take a walk here. Forests have always been a source of calm for her. It allowed her to breathe and calmed her down in times she was overwhelmed. 

They trotted for another 15 minutes until Lucy raised her hand to signal slowing down. In walk they crossed a small brick bridge first onto a grass track and through a gate on a sand track. The group circled again until the last rider was with them, then Lucy started cantering down the track. Maya followed her. Again her mare just happily started cantering on the bit. She felt strong under her, powerful, but Maya felt good with her. It was heavily different from the horses she rode at home. She knew that the way the animals were treated played a big part in their behaviour. A fact that her father never wanted to hear. His solution for misbehaving was punishment and it didn't matter if it was animals or humans. 

They completed the lap around the track and made their way back to the yard. Maya rode next to Lucy now, her horse walking relaxed under her on the long rein. 
"What did you think? Are you feeling comfortable?" The blonde nods. 
"Very! At first I thought that it was a bit overkill to put me on the nicest horse, even if it's what you always do. But in hindsight it was really nice to ride without being scared that something is going to happen. Especially when I don't know the place." She fell silent, afraid she'd said too much. But Lucy smiled. She nodded at her, but didn't say anything about it. Instead she told her a bit about her philosophy and training methods as well as the breeding program. Maya listened intently and was really interested in everything. 

Back at the yard she was given instructions on how to care for Captain and to come back afterwards to meet her next horse. She did that and Travis showed her a big grey with dark legs and white mane and tail. He still had a few dapples all over his body, a big head and long ears. Maya wasn't entirely sure if she found him pretty or not. 
"This is Yuman. He's one of our best horses. Has a bit more fire than Captain, but he's a very good boy. You can use the same saddle with one pad less and this bridle." He gave her a different headpiece. "I think you'd fit in really well." The blonde thought there must be something in the water with how much everyone was smiling. She just looked down and shook her head a bit before opening the door and getting her second horse ready.

After her second lot with Yuman she rode one more with a little bay mare called Marry. Afterwards she went on a tour with Lucy, who showed her the rest of the racing barn, including the paddocks, fields and walker, before they went over to the breeding facilities. 
"My great-great-grandmother founded this stud 1899 and it has been in my family ever since. My mother first started training race horses. It started with pre-training and evolved into race training eventually. I took over 13 years ago when my mum died." She let out a breath, but went on. "I tried to put my focus on horse welfare more than anything else, we owe it to the animals. They give us their all, they deserve our best care always." From the corner of her eye she saw Lucy stiffening. 
"I agree with that. I think that horses who are treated like horses get better results." She saw rather than heard Lucy letting out a breath. 
"I see we understand each other." The two women smiled at each other. "So, what do you think? Do you see yourself working here? I know you have another day tomorrow, but I'll be honest with you. I think you'd fit in really well with us. This team is more than people who work together. We're a family, we look out for each other. And I would never employ anyone who doesn't fit into that family." 

Maya thought about it. Lucy had built herself a family. She saw it this whole day, the way they treated each other, looked after each other, joked with each other. 
Maya never had that. 
She had a biological family, yes, but they were never like this. They didn't have playful banter, inside jokes or that feeling of belonging and safety that the people here seemed to have. 
"You think I'd fit in?" Maya has never learned how to be a family, she wasn't sure if she could do that. But she wanted it, God she wanted it.
"Yes Maya. I think you'd be a great addition to our family." They were now standing at the fence of a field with mares and foals in the shadow of an old tree. Maya looked out over the field, the foals playing with each other while the mares were grazing peacefully. Lucy waited patiently next to her, also looking at the horses. 
"I'd like that. I'd really like that."
"Yeah?" Lucy seemed surprised.
"Yes. I've never had a real family and everyone was so nice and welcoming today. I'd love to be part of the team!" 
"Family, Maya. Welcome to the family!" She held out her hand and squeezed Maya's when she took it. 
"Come back tomorrow at 5:30, you'll have a whole day with us. I'll put you on a few different horses and we'll talk about your contract and all the official stuff then. For today I'd say you can go home. The afternoons are pretty easy going, so you can just look tomorrow, alright?" Maya nodded, a little dumbfounded. 
"Yes, I'll… yes." She grinned. 
"Great!" Lucy squeezed Maya's shoulder. "Say hello to Carina from me, okay?" The blonde nods. They make their way back to where Maya had put Carina's bike and Lucy opened the gate for her. 
"See you tomorrow!"
"See you tomorrow!" Maya could not believe this happened.
She had a job. 

The ride home felt a lot easier.

Chapter Text

When she unlocked Carina's front door, she felt a bit awkward. She was in her space and they didn't talk about what was and wasn't okay. She dropped her bag on the floor next to her bed, grabbed a change of clothes and took a shower. Since she already had a workout today, she decided to take a walk around the cottage and check out the surrounding area. 

She put on her sneakers, checked for her phone and keys and left the house. Turning left, she walked up the road. Carina's house was one of the last ones on the street and since she already knew the other way, she decided to take this direction. Ever since coming here she took longer walks without the purpose of running. Enjoying seeing new things, finding little treasures. She thought about taking up photography as a hobby, because she loved spotting all these little things and wanted a way to capture them. 

The village Carina lived in wasn't really that big and soon she moved off the main street and walked down a little path into a little forest and soon came to a little beach. It was a tiny patch of sand surrounded by dark rocks, then first green plants followed by small crippled trees that then grew bigger and healthier. Maya stood at the edge of the rocks for a moment, before sitting down on one of the larger ones. She let the sound of the waves wash over her mind, calming down all of her doubts and fears and anxieties. The forest behind her and the sea in front of her calmed something that, until now she hadn't realised was churning. She felt her breaths become deeper, her muscles relaxed, her shoulders and jaw unclenched. 

Maya lost track of time and didn't know how long she sat there, just watching the pull and push of the water. She jumped when her phone started ringing. 
"Hey Carina."
"Maya? Where are you? Are you okay? I just came home and I thought you'd be here by now!" 
"Oh." She pulled her phone away from her ear and looked at the time. "Yeah. Sorry I was home, but I wasn't sure what to do with myself and took a walk. I found this place and lost track of time. I'll come back now. I'm very sorry!" 
"Maya, hey! It's okay. I was just worried that something happened to you. You don't need to stress yourself. Come back whenever you want and we'll order something for dinner, okay?" Maya could hear the smile in Carina's voice. Letting out a breath, she nodded. 
"Yeah, okay. I'll be back soon." 
"Take your time, Bella!"

The call ended. Maya looked back over the water. The calm had disappeared. She felt herself being pulled back into a memory of a call with her father when she forgot time and was late. His reaction had been so hugely different. It taught her to never be late to anything. She arrived early on principle. Being on time was being late. And even if this situation was hugely different, because she and Carina never talked about when the doctor would be home or what time they'd have dinner, Maya still panicked. For a moment her mind jumped back in time and she just tried to do damage control. But Carina… Carina told her it was okay and to take her time. To say she was stunned was an understatement. She took another moment, trying to get back some peace, but her head was running now. Circling, spiraling and she just wanted it to stop. Digging her nails into her arms she hissed at the pain, but it worked to ground her. She looked down at the marks she left on her skin and frowned. It has been a while since she had to use pain to get herself off the edge of panic.

She finally felt like her legs would support her again, so she got up and made her way back to Carina's house.

She used the key to let herself into the house. Soft music was coming from the living room. 
"Carina?" She asked while taking off her shoes. 
"Living room!" Came the answer and Maya walked into the room. "Hey. Did you have a good walk?" Maya searched Carina's face for any trace of anger, for any trace that this was a rhetorical question and that she was going to flip the next second. She found none, but still wasn't sure what to say. She opened her mouth, closed it again. Her thoughts started running again. She should've done something else. 
Something productive. 
She had been lazy. Surely there was something she could've done for Carina. She let her live with her. The least she could do was help her in return. 
Dinner. She could've made dinner for her. Why had she not thought of that? Carina made dinner for her yesterday and breakfast this morning and she couldn't even make a simple meal. She looked towards the kitchen. It wasn't too late, right? She could still do it, she could…

"Maya!" The hand that suddenly touched her arm made her flinch violently. She jumped backwards looking up at Carina. That was it. She was gonna kick her out now. 
"Hey." The Italian took a step forward, but stopped when she saw Maya stiffen. "What just happened? Are you okay?" The blonde looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights, her eyes wide, her hands clenched into fists to keep them from trembling. Carina was confused. She couldn't think of anything that would make Maya react like this. She kept her distance, even if everything in her screamed to reach out and touch Maya, she had realised that her touch was not welcome right now. The other woman looked down at her feet, pulling her lip between her teeth and she tried to breathe deeply but failed.  "Maya." No reaction. "Bella." Maya's head moved a little. "Bella, can you look at me, please." Finally, Maya looked at her, her eyes flicking over her face. "Good. Can you breathe with me? In… and out." Carina took some exaggerated breaths until Maya was able to follow her. "Good. Keep going." They kept breathing together until Maya unclenched her fists, running a hand through her short hair after pulling the hair tie from her ponytail. Embarrassed she looked away from Carina, but she wouldn't have it. 
"Bella." Reluctantly, she looked up again, meeting her eyes. Carina looked worried. Not mad, or disappointed, but really worried and confused. Maybe she wasn't mad at her? 
"I'm sorry." Her voice was just above a whisper. 
"Why are you sorry?" Maya looked at her, again searching her face. 
"I should've done something for you." She finally mumbled. "You let me stay here and you made dinner and breakfast and I should've done something for you. Instead I took a walk and I lost track of time. I can still cook though. It's no problem! I'm so sorry!" 
"Hey. Stop." Wide eyed, she looked at Carina. "It's okay. I do not expect you to cook for me. I let you stay here, because you're my friend and I wanted to do something nice for you. I do not need anything in return. I didn't think it would be logical for you to rent a room here if I have the space." Carina held eye contact with her, willing her to believe her. "I want to have you here and I love to make food for you. I love cooking for others. There's no need for you to do it. Just do your best with Lucy and get the job. When you live here full time, I'll come over all the time and you can feed me as often as you want. Okay?" Maya felt stunned. This was not at all what she expected. Carina waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts. 
"I… Yeah… Okay. That sounds… Yeah." She stammered and Carina smiled. 
"Good. Now. Are you hungry? We can order in and have a relaxed evening." Maya nods, feeling tired all of a sudden. 

They settle on burger and fries, Carina coaxing Maya that she deserved the treat without pushing too much. While they wait, they settle on the sofa, two glasses of water between them. Carina asks about her day at work and Maya starts gushing about everything. 
"I really, really want this to work! They're all really nice and I felt very welcome from the first moment. And Lucy is just amazing. We share a lot of views about training and horse welfare. How old is she, by the way?" 
"She's 36. And she's such an amazing woman. Would do anything for her family and is very protective about them." Carina smiled when she said that, taking a sip of water. "I met her through my roommate when I was looking for a horse and somehow I got included into her family. She was my first real friend here, after Rose. My roommate." She adds when Maya looks puzzled. 
"You have a horse?" Carina's smile widens. 
"I do!" She reaches for her phone and opens her gallery. "Her name is Classic Beauty, but I call her Clara." She also called her different names, but always said Clara when others asked. Carina scrolled through her pictures until she found one she liked. "This is her!" She watched Maya looking and waited for her reaction. Every time she showed someone there was this anticipation of their reaction. 
"She's gorgeous!" Maya smiled and gave her phone back. Carina felt her face break out in a huge smile. 
"She is, isn't she?" She looked down at the picture fondly and proudly. 
"Did she race?" 
"Yeah, but she wasn't very good at it. I got her at Tattersalls. A lot of people wanted to buy her from me to use her as a broodmare, but I fell in love and I'll never sell her." She locks her phone and when she looks up at Maya, the woman has a soft, but thoughtful expression on her face. "What?" Maya shakes her head. 
"Nothing. I think that's really sweet." Carina feels herself blush and looks down. "How long have you had her?" 
"Two years in August." They smile at each other. 

The doorbell interrupts their eye contact. Maya gets up immediately and puts a hand on Carina's shoulder. 
"Let me, please?" Carina nods, even if it's reluctantly and Maya grabs her purse to pay for their food, while Carina gets up to set the table. 
They talk more while they eat. Maya goes into detail about her day and Carina feels the excitement at the prospect of getting the job, even if Mays is really good at hiding it. Carina in turn talks more about her life and her friendship with Lucy and Rose and her time with Clara. Maya is a good listener, but eventually her yawns get more and more and Carina asks if she's ready for bed. Maya nods, they clean up together again. 

"I have an earlier day tomorrow, Lucy wants me to be there at 5:30." Carina pulls a face. She hated early mornings, which did not always align with her job. Still, she wouldn't change it for the world. 
"I'm on night shift tonight, because one of my doctors is sick. But I was able to change tomorrow's shift and I have the weekend off, so maybe we can do something? I think Lucy will be out racing, we could go watch?" Maya nods and smiles. 
"I'd love that!" 

They go to the bathroom after each other, say goodnight, before going to bed. Carina hopes for a calm night and falls asleep rather quickly and Maya, feeling less nervous than yesterday and calmer after her evening with Carina lies in bed for a while, thinking.

The Italian made her feel safe in a way that was a little scary, but it also was really nice. She had calmed her down from her panic and didn't treat her any different afterwards. 

It was nice.

Sleepily, with a little smile she turns around and falls asleep almost immediately.

Chapter Text

When she walked into the kitchen she found a piece of paper on the kitchen counter next to the kettle. 

*Good morning, Bella! 
I had to leave to get to an emergency and I don't know when I get back. 
Help yourself to whatever you want in the morning, there's coffee and tea in the cupboard over the kettle. If you do decide to have breakfast, get whatever you want! 
See you later! 
Carina * 

Maya smiled. She didn't know what she did right to deserve Carina's kindness, but she didn't want to think about it too much. Yesterday's events still played in her mind and age was amazed how effortlessly Carina managed to calm her down and didn't make it a big deal. She never had that. Her friend at home, Andy, always wanted to talk about it afterwards and it made her pull back even more. But with Carina, she managed to get out of her head, relax and even eat a normal meal after her panic attack. 

Deep in thought, she clicked the kettle on and chose a tea bag, then went to get changed while she waited for the tea to be finished. Even if most people would tell her that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Maya usually didn't have breakfast on a work day. Instead she had a snack between 9 and 10 and a cup of tea in the morning. She quit coffee, because coffee didn't do well on an empty stomach. 

After she had changed, she took the tea to the sofa and drank it slowly. Another ritual she started eventually was that from the time she got up, until she arrived at work she did not look at her phone. It just stayed in her pocket and she felt better, because of it. 

Finally finished, she cleaned the cup and left the house, locking the door behind her. She drove down the road to the big gate, rang the bell and waited for someone to open it. Travis did so today, smiling widely at her.
"Good morning, Maya!" He greeted when she came inside and the gate closed again.
"Good morning, Travis!" Maya greeted back, mirroring his smile.
"Are you excited?" They fell into step next to each other and walked down to the stable. Lights were on and even at this time, there was a constant movement around it, without it feeling stressful. Travis led her over to a big white board. Names were written on it, horse names with humans names next to them, sorted into six lots. 
"I think Lucy wants you to ride four or five lots today, depending on how you feel. She wasn't sure how much stamina you have."
"In the States I usually rode seven to eight lots. I'm sure I can do all." Travis smiled.
"We'll see." He paused and looked at her. "You don't need to impress her, you know? She already likes you. Today is just a formality." Maya could feel herself blush and didn't know what to say, so she looked down. Travis squeezed her shoulder with a chuckle. "Come on. Your first horse today is Yuman again." That made her smile. She liked the grey gelding and was happy she got to ride him again. She followed Travis to the tack room to get her stuff.

The morning flew by. Maya did manage to write five lots and was secretly proud of herself. She also met a few different people and got along well with most of them. After riding, she helped bring out the horses and was once again amazed that Lucy just let them all out in the field in small groups. When she said that, the woman shrugged. 
"For us they might be precious, fragile things that are bound to hurt themselves. But in their mind, they're herd animals that are made to walk around in groups. Even centuries of breeding can't change that." Maya nodded, agreeing after she thought about it. 

Quietly she walked back, staying behind the group. One of the women fell back and walked next to her.
"We're gonna go on a hack with the retired horses. Would you like to come?" Startled, Maya looked at her.
"I don't know what Lucy's plan with me is for the day."
"She said it's okay." The other one said, a strong accent in her English, if Maya had to guess she would say eastern Europe. Her face had hard features, but her blue eyes were kind. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a loose french braid, a few strands of hair fell out of it. "I'm Nat, by the way."
"Maya."
"I know." Nat laughed a little. "So, what do you say?"
"Yeah. I mean. That would be great. I haven't been out in a long time though."
"Oh that's okay, we'll look out for you!"

The group split at the next cross section, a part walked right, while Maya stayed left with the others. They arrived at another field and Nat held out a headcollar to her.
"You're gonna take Samson. Come on, I'll show you." Hanging the headcollar over their shoulders they entered the field through the wooden gate. They walked up to a bay gelding with a thin white blaze. He didn't look up, not even when Nat called him.
"His favourite thing is food. He's a nice horse, but food is the best thing for him." There was a smile in her voice and she patted his shoulder. "Alright, put that headcollar on and wait for us at the gate."
"I'm sorry, the what?" Maya asked, momentarily confused. Nat pointed at the the headcollar over her shoulder.
"Ooh the halter. Alright." She took it from her shoulder, then pulled the bay's big head off the ground to get it on. Clicking on the lead rope, she walked back to the gate, pulling Samson's head up from the grass every now and then. Lucy was already waiting there with a chestnut that had a big blaze and four high socks on his legs. He was absolutely gorgeous. Maya continued to look at him, taking in small details, like the little chestnut spot in his left hind leg, or the blue part in his left eye.
"He's pretty, isn't he?" Lucy's voice pulled her back from her musings and Maya looked up at her.
"He's gorgeous." She agreed, looking back at him.
"I'm still trying to find him his person. He's not the easiest horse, but I think it's just insecurity. With the right person, he'll be amazing." She smiled at him, a hand grasping his mane. 

When, finally, Nat returned with another bay horse, this one without any markings, they left the field and Maya followed Lucy to a stable complex where they tied their horses in the cross ties. When Nat showed her Samson's tack, she heard another set of hooves come down the aisle.
"Carina!" came Lucy's excited voice. "So nice to see you, do you want to join us?" She couldn't hear Carina's reply, but when she left the tack room, she saw Carina's back and the horse she showed her tied up as well.
"Carina!" She saw the woman stiffen from where she stood across the aisle, before she relaxed and turned around.
"Hey, Bella." Maya looked at her, nearly unable to comprehend what she was seeing. Carina was usually a happy, positive person. Even when the Italian had helped her out of her panic attack, she seemed positive. Now though, she looked exhausted and sad. Maybe even devastated. Unsure, Maya took a step forward and another one when Carina didn't pull back and soon she stood in front of her.
"Hey, are you okay?" Hesitantly she stretched out a hand and grazed it over the brunette's. She didn't flinch away. Quite the contrary, she grasped on and squeezed it.
"I'm okay. I had a rough night. Sometimes it's really hard, this job." She smiled, but it looked painful and forced. Her free hand was placed on Clara's neck and it seemed like the two touches grounded her. "So I came here, it's my happy place. Clara here doesn't judge, so I prefer to spend time with her."
"So, you're not gonna come with us?" Carina looked over at the other horses and sighed. She seemed to think about it really hard.
"You don't have to. We can go out another day, maybe. Or you can join us now and we'll leave you to your thoughts." Carina squeezed her hand again.

"I'll come with you. I think it'll be better not to be alone. Who knows, maybe some company will do me some good?" Maya felt her face break out in a wide smile. 
"Good!" 
They were broken out of their little bubble by Lucy's voice. 
"Come on you two. Leave the flirting for the road!" It was meant to be a joke, but it still made Maya stiffen and she pulled her hand from Carina's. She forced another smile on her face to look at her, then turned around to finally get her horse ready. She had her back to Carina so she didn't see the glare the Italian shot at Lucy, who grimaced apologetically. 

Soon, everyone was finished and the group left the building to mount the horses. Lucy and Nat rode in front while Maya steered Samson next to Carina's chestnut.
"Hey." She said, softly and waited until her friend looked at her. "I'm sorry. That was a bit of an overreaction." She felt guilty for the way she just pulled her hand away and saw how sad Carina looked. She panicked a bit.
"It's okay, Bella." Carina smiled at her. It wasn't a full smile yet, but she didn't seem mad. "I know Lucy was joking, you'll learn her humor soon enough. I'm not mad at you. That would be really childish." Carina knew what she was getting into, Maya had been clear from the start that all she was looking for was a friend. And while she had hopes for the future, she would never pressure her and take what she was given. She liked the American and she liked being her friend.
Maya was scanning her face to see if she was being honest and Carina held her gaze steadily and calmly. She saw the blonde breathe out and smile before she looked away. 

Their hack was beautiful and uneventful. They changed their positions around so that everyone was next to everyone at least once. There were a few paths where they could really let go and Maya let out a laugh at the feeling, which made the others laugh as well. When they returned, Carina was exhausted. She had been up since 3am and now wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep. She told her friends that much, quickly, but thoroughly cared for Clara and brought her out, before climbing into her car and driving home. She told Maya to wake her up when she got home.

Exhausted, she took a quick shower and fell into bed, only wearing an old t-shirt. She was asleep in minutes.

Chapter Text

Waking up hours later, it was already getting dark outside. She frowned while she was stretching. Maya should be home by now, shouldn't she? Or was she taking a walk again? Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes and yawned. She should've set an alarm, how was she supposed to go back to sleep later? She got up and when she opened the door, she was hit by a heavenly smell coming from the kitchen.
"Maya?" She called out, slowly walking towards the room, running a hand through her long hair. When she reached the kitchen, Maya turned around to her, smiling. There were pots and pans on the stove and the smell was coming from there.
"Hey! You're up. I tried waking you up, but you wouldn't budge. So I decided to start on dinner." Carina blinked.
"You cooked?" She asked, dumbly, what made Maya chuckle.
"I sure did. I just have to set the table and we're good to go!"
"Let me!" Carina pushed her aside gently and got plates and cutlery from the cupboard and drawers and set the table.
"Thank you!" Maya smiled at her, bringing one of the hot pans over to the table and setting it down.
"This looks amazing!"
"Thank you!" They smiled at each other. "Sit down, I'll get the potatoes." She pulled out Carina's chair, before going back to the kitchen to get the second pan. Carina stared at the chair, then after Maya, a smile growing on her face. Maya seemed to be a real gentlewoman and Carina wished she could see more of that. She sat down just as Maya came back to the table, carrying a baking tin. 

"I'm not the greatest chef, but I think it's edible." Maya's smile was shy. "We're having baked potatoes with beef and gravy. I made some mangetout and mushrooms with that, I don't know if you like them?" Carina nods and Maya beams at her. She fills Carina's plate with a bit of everything, sits down and takes some for herself.
"Bon appetit!" Carina says before she starts eating.
"Bon appetit!" Maya responds with a rather horrible accent. Carina lets out a moan at the first bite.
"Oh my God, this is so good! How did you manage to make this in such a short time?" Maya shrugs, smiling.
"I had a little over two hours, that's plenty of time!" 

They eat in silence for a bit, before Maya decides to ask what has been on her mind since she saw Carina earlier.
"Hey, are you okay? You looked a little sad earlier."
"Oh, um." Carina stopped eating, she suddenly looked uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry!" Maya hastened to say. "Forget I asked, that was really insensitive. We barely know each other, right?" She let out an uncomfortable laugh. They weren't finished yet, so she couldn't flee to the kitchen. She looked down at her plate and continued to eat.
"I had a rough case last night. Young mare with colic, really bad cramps, possible rotation. She was too far gone by the time I was there. I had to put her down." Carina had put down her fork, pressing her hands between her thighs and hunching a little. "It never gets easier, you know? Having to put one down. And it doesn't matter if it's an oldie or a youngster. It always sucks and I always go and spend quality time with Clara afterwards. Moments like that make you appreciate the time you have with your animals even more." She swallows hard. "And then my papa called me and told me once again that he's disappointed because I'm not a real doctor. Andrea, he did everything right and went to med school, but I just cuddle animals all day." Her voice turned really bitter at the end and when she looked up at the American, there was a silent resentment in her eyes. "My brother was always his golden child. My mum treated us equally. She always said we were two halves of one whole." The smile on her face was sad. "And then she moved to America and took him with her while I stayed in Italy with papa." She broke off, looking down at her plate.
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me anything else. I'm sorry I asked. I didn't want to bring the mood down." Carina waved her off.
"It's okay, Maya. I don't mind telling you. We're friends, right?" She smiled, but it seemed forced. "I do think I'll tell you the rest another time and the mood will only be ruined if we let it! So!" She took another helping of food. "Tell me how your day went!" It all seemed forced, but if she wanted a distraction, Maya would give her a distraction. So she told her all about her day and the contract she signed.
"I can start next Monday!" Maya grinned excitedly. By now they had finished dinner and moved to clean the dishes, Carina helping despite protest. 

Afterwards they moved over to the sofa.
"So, where are you gonna stay?" Carina asked, taking a sip from her wine glass. She seemed calmer now, more relaxed.
"Lucy has these little cottages where she lets her staff live if they need to. I can live there and see if I want to find a place of my own or stay there."
"That sounds good. I've been to some of them while Vic still lived on site. They're really cozy, you're gonna like them. And" she winked, "you can expect me to come over often Bella, because that food was amazing! I didn't know you could cook like that!" Maya smiled.
"Thank you! I attended a cooking class once when I moved out of my parents house. And another with Andy after she got divorced and into a cooking phase." Carina laughed and shook her head a little.
"Well I'm not complaining at all and I hope there'll be plenty more! And maybe we can cook together some time?" Maya beamed at her and Carina felt her heart skipping a beat. As they looked into each other's eyes, her smile slowly faded. Before Carina could make any decision on what to do or what to say, Maya looked away and cleared her throat.
"Uhm. I'm really tired, I think I'll go to bed." 
"Oh, okay." Carina seemed taken aback.
"When are we leaving tomorrow?"
"You still want to come?" 

Maya raised an eyebrow.
"Yes? I mean, if you still want me to…"
"Yes!" Carina said, maybe a little too eagerly. "I mean, yes of course I want you to come!" Maya laughed, then continued to look at her. "Oh, uh… The first day is at 1:30pm, so we should leave here around 11am at the latest. Will you have breakfast with me?"
"Yeah, I think I will. I just can't eat that early, but tomorrow should be good." She got up now and took their empty glasses to the kitchen. "Goodnight Carina! See you tomorrow!"
"Goodnight, Bella!" 

When her alarm went off the next day, Maya got up, dressed and went to the kitchen. Carina wasn't there yet, so she started on her tea. She didn't dare touch Carina's coffee maker. Leaning against the counter while she waited for the water to boil, she thought back to yesterday evening. There was a moment when she and Carina had looked at each other so intensely, it had scared her. She had told the Italian that she was looking for a friend, but the more she got to know Carina the more she thought about possibilities. And then the voice in the back of her head started yelling at her that she didn't deserve it, didn't deserve happiness and that people were better off without her, especially Carina. She deserved so much more than what Maya could give her. 

A yawn brought her back to the present. A second later the kettle clicked next to her.
"Good morning!" Carina greeted her, running a hand through her hair. She was still in her pajamas, her hair looked ruffled and she yawned again. "Are you alright? You just flinched."
"Hm?" Maya was momentarily distracted, because this version of Carina was unfairly gorgeous. "Oh, yeah I'm okay. I was just… lost in thought." She smiled, but it felt more like a grimace. Carina didn't look convinced. "Did you sleep well?" Maya turned around to put the water in a cup with a tea bag already in it. When she looked back at the Italian, she nodded, but frowned a bit.
"I did. Did you?"
"Yeah." They stared at each other again and Maya needed to pull herself together. "Do you want me to make breakfast while you get ready?"
"Yes, that sounds lovely. Thank you, Bella!"

Maya was just finishing off the eggs when the front door burst open. She flinched and some of the eggs fell to the ground which made her course.
"Honey, I'm home!" A female voice rang through the house. Maya put down the spoon and walked to the door of the kitchen. A woman stood in the hallway, her long, red hair in a messy bun on top of her head. She turned around when a floorboard creaked under Maya's feet. She paused in hanging up her coat. "Who are you?" The woman asked, her head tilted to the side. 
"I'm Maya. Who are you?"
"Maya?" She frowned. "The Maya?"
"I don't know?"
"Rosy?" Carina popped her head out of the bathroom door. Aah so this was her roommate. "You're back early! How was your trip?" Rose pulled a face.
"Don't ask. Are you going to the race?" She looked between Maya and Carina, who nodded. "Can I join you?" Carina looked at her, thoughtfully, before nodding.
"Yeah, of course." Maya could see relief in the woman's face.
"Thanks. I'll get changed." She disappeared in, what Maya knew, was her room and Carina smiled over at Maya.
"I'll be with you in a second." She closed the door to the bathroom and Maya went back to her eggs, which thankfully haven't burned. 

Taking out another plate, for Carina's roommate, she set the table. Carina was with her a minute later, preparing coffee for herself and Rose.
"I didn't know she was coming back today. I'm sorry she's crashing our day. She was with her family and they're not… the best people in the world." There was a glint of something in her eyes.
"It's alright. I know how family can be. But, when she's back now, do I have to leave tonight?" Carina shook her head.
"No I don't think so. I think she'll stay with Lucy." When she saw Maya's confused face, she smirked. "She's her girlfriend."
"Really?" Carina nods, her stomach interrupts her answer. Maya laughs and puts some eggs and toast on her plate. "Eat now, before they're ice cold." They settle down at the table. "I didn't know Lucy had a girlfriend."
"Yeah, well you've known her for two days." Rose's voice was sharp from the door.
"Rose." Carina leveled a look at her and she deflated a bit. "There's coffee, if you want. And eggs, but they might be cold."
"I can heat them back up." Maya had struggled not to bite back, but settled on being civil for now. She herself could get sharp with people after a confrontation with her father and didn't want to judge the red head for that.
"It's okay." Rose waved her off. "I can do it, you eat. Thank you for making some for me. I'm Roisin, by the way. But everyone calls me Rose." She held out her hand and Maya shook it.
"Maya Bishop." Rose nods.
"Lucy has talked about you. She said you had a lot of talent and she's looking forward to working with you."
"She did?" Maya was stunned. 
"Mhmm." Rose stirred the eggs, before putting them on her plate. "And Carina talked about you as well." To Maya's surprise, Carina blushed, which made Rose laugh. The Italian grumbled something under her breath. "Oh come on, Rina." Rose leaned against the counter and began to eat. "This is good!"
"You can sit, you know?"
"Hmm, but we need to leave soon." A glance at her phone confirmed that. Carina stood up and grabbed Maya's plate as the blonde's phone started ringing.
"Take it, I'll do the dishes." She smiled softly at Maya, who stared at the name of the phone.
"Yeah. I'll be quick."
"Take all the time you need." 

"Hey Andy!" Maya turned the corner to the room she was currently occupying, Carina turned around to face her friend, who smirked.

"Shut up." Carina grumbled in Italian, starting on the dishes rather aggressive.
"Didn't say anything." Rose answered, still smirking, but starting to dry the plates. 
"You didn't have to." 
"Come on. Tell me!"
"There's nothing to tell! Maya is my friend. I like her. As a friend!" She added hastily when Rose's smirk grew. 
"Keep telling yourself that. I knew you, Rina. You're smitten."
"Oh shush!" Rose laughed when Carina sprayed her with soapy water. Then her eyes softened.
"You deserve happiness, Carina!" The Italian blushed again, looked away and drained the water. Rose squeezed her arm, before turning away. 

"Maya! Are you ready?" 
"Yeah." There was a distant tone in Maya's voice that Carina hadn't heard before. She avoided Carina's curious glance and followed Rose to the hallway to put on shoes.
"Carina! We're gonna be late!" Carina hurried after them, pulled on shoes as well and the three women left the cottage and climbed into Carina's Porsche, Rose offered the front seat to Maya, who didn't think twice about it. (Of course only because she got car sick in the back. No other reason.) 

Chapter Text

"I've got the tickets from Lucy." Carina pulled out three cards that looked like credit cards and gave them to her two companions. Maya looked at hers, it had the logo of the Irish racing association and what she thought to be Lucy's stable name and racing colours. "Come on." Carina touched her hand to get her to move. Rose was already waiting, seemingly impatient so Maya hurries to join them. 

"I'll go and see if I can find Lucy before her first race. You two can go ahead." Rose didn't even give them time to answer before she hurried off. Carina and Maya looked at each other.
"Let's go. We can get a program and find good seats. With the tickets we can even get up in the tower." Carina had registered that Maya had been a bit spacey ever since the phone call with her friend, but didn't want to push her to talk about it. "Maya?"
"Hm?" She had spaces out again.
"Hey, are okay?" Carina stood in front of the blonde, taking her hand into her own and squeezed it. Maya looked down at their hands, but when Carina made to pull back she tightened her grip. 

"It's just. Uh." She looked up and blinked a few times, then took a deep breath before looking back at Carina. "Andy called me, my best friend from…" She didn't want to say home, because it wasn't her home anymore. "my old home. And she said my father is looking for me. I didn't tell him where I'm going, but I told her. She promised to never tell him, but he can be very persuasive if he wants to. We didn't part in the best ways and I hoped to get away from him. But now…" She looked over Carina's shoulder as if she was expecting her father to appear out of the crowd and run at her.
"Hey." Carina put her free hand on Maya's cheek and turned her face to look at her. "You're safe here with us. Whatever it is you're running from, you have a family here now. You know what Lucy said. They'll have your back. And I will, too!" She rubbed her thumb over Maya's cheek to remove a single tear. "I don't know you all that well yet, but I think you are very strong for coming here, taking your life into your own hands. I think you can do great things if you put your mind to it. And you will get all the support you need here. You heard Rose, Lucy is already speaking highly of you. She wouldn't do that if she didn't believe in you. She takes family very seriously." She hesitated for a fraction of a second. "And I do, too!" She smiled steadily at Maya, while blue eyes flitted over her face, checking for lies. "I'm very glad I met you and I've got your back, whatever you need. Okay?" A nod and a gulp was the answer, then Maya squeezed her hand.
"Thank you. I feel the same way about you." Carina's smile widened, her eyes crinkled in the corners. 

"Come on, Bella!" Carina softly tugged at Maya's hand when she felt like the American was ready to move again. They stayed connected by the hands to not lose each other in the crowd around the presentation ring, but Maya let go when they stood close to the hedge surrounding it. Carina missed the weight and warmth of it immediately, but bit her lip, looking at the horses walking the ring.
"I'm gonna get us a program, okay?" Carina nods, looking after Maya, before she disappears behind some people. She was back a minute later and they looked through the leavelet together, betting among themselves. Maya is also getting familiar with the bloodlines.

"How many races does Lucy have today?" She asked while thumbing through the program again.
"Um, I don't actually know, three?"
"Five, actually." Startled, the women turned around and there stood Lucy, an arm around Rose's waist, smiling at them. "It was supposed to be four, but Michael is sick and I'm taking over. Which is nice, because my last race and Georgie's last race will line up." Carina saw how she pulled her girlfriend just a little bit closer, her thumb rubbing over her hip bone. The Italian was incredibly glad they had each other. The couple was the main reason she still believed in relationships and maybe one of the reasons why she had such high standards. Rose looked a lot calmer now. She had seen the tension in her shoulders when she came home, the bags under her eyes, the clench of her jaw every time no one was looking. Rose and Lucy were each other's safe space. She had seen it time and time again. Carina often wondered why they didn't live together, but every time she brought it up there was some lame excuse about something minor. The only one she ever believed was that Rose loved living with her and also didn't want to leave her alone in the house. 

"What do you think?" Confused, Carina turned her head to Rose.
"I'm sorry, what?" Rose laughed while Lucy looked a little worried.
"Where did you go? I was asking if you think Lucy's gonna have a chance at winning. We all know that you're the queen of betting. I'm serious." She turned to Maya, "Carina nearly always gets the winner right, it's incredible."
"Oh I saw that the first day we met." There was a glint in her eyes that Carina couldn't quite place. 

"Okay, you guys, I have to leave now, I have to be at weigh in in 20 minutes. I'll see you later!" She smiled at Carina and Maya, then turned to Rose. "Take care, my love." She kissed her on the lips, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. Rose closed her eyes and leaned into her. Carina looked away, their simple interaction seemed so intimate it felt rude to intrude. She only looked back up when a hand tugged at her arm.
"Come on, Carina. Let's go to the track. I want to get a good spot." Carina stumbled a step, steadying herself on Maya's shoulder.
"Calm down, would you!" She grumbled to Rose, who just laughed. She did seem happier now, but considering how her family usually treated her it wasn't a surprise that being back here lifted her mood considerably. The red head was walking on Maya's other side and kept pointing out people to her. The blonde was looking very serious, listening and trying to remember everything at once.
'Absolutely adorable!' Carina thought, trailing slightly behind her friends. Roisin wasn't from the racing world originally, not like Lucy, who was born into a family that has been active in racing for decades. But she had adjusted, she had learned everything she had to learn, everything and everyone there was to know. She was incredibly happy to see that her friends took Maya in just like that. 

"So how did you two meet?" Maya smiled at Rose, both now leaning against the rails close to the finish line.
"We met in Navan. I went to races hoping to find a job and instead I found Carina. And a job." She added after she thought about it. "She approached me and wanted to buy me a drink, what never actually happened now that I think about it. We got talking about what brings us here and she offered to speak with Lucy about the opportunity to work for her. We spent the rest of the day together and I gave her my number. She drove me home in the evening and we stayed in touch after that." Rose nodded, a small smile on her lips.
"Carina is a good person. Her and Lucy have that in common. They take in all the strays and believe they'll get them back on track with enough love." There was a hint of bitterness in her voice and she didn't look at Maya anymore, but watched the first horses canter up to the starting machine.
"You don't agree?" Rose stayed silent for a moment.
"I was one of them. They both took me in in their own ways, one when I was 8 and one when I was 20. But the thing about helping people is that they need to want it. They need to want the help." She was now looking directly at Maya, who didn't dare look away. She did wonder where Carina left to, but she probably met someone she knew. "I know you didn't just come here for the scenery, you are running from something. Or someone."
"How…?" 
"I was you, once Maya." She left it at that. "And you have the choice now. You're at the crossroads, you can let them help you and build a life for yourself, or you can get stuck in the past and keep running in circles and yourself into the ground because of it." Maya was transfixed. She could not look away from Rose's face, her green/blue eyes were hard, challenging. The blonde was taken aback.
"You don't know me…" She muttered, immediately going the defensive route.
"You're right, I don't. But I've talked to my people. Tell me I'm wrong." When the blonde stays silent she nods. "I'm not gonna say things like I don't know you, but I like you. But my people, they seem to like you. And I happen to look out for my people. So just, think about what your goal is, alright?" There was a tiny smile and then they were interrupted by the start of the race. Maya flinched a little bit, she had totally forgotten this was going to happen. She looked out on the track, but didn't really see anything. 

Carina appeared next to her.
"What did I miss?" She asked sliding in between Maya and the woman next to her, who let out a disapproving sound and shuffled over.
"Uh, nothing so far." In this moment, the group of horses came into the last furlong and the crowd around them grew louder. 

"And it's Zippary in front, Zippary closely followed by Daring Adventure then Hyde Link, Flowering Kid, Presto and last one is Stickman! But in the front is Zippary and he's still getting stronger, Hyde Link is now up with Daring Adventure and Presto is coming as well. But Zippary is in front, look at him go! Zippary wins the first race of the day, followed by Hyde Link, then Presto, Flowering Kid and Stickman." 

"Wish they would retire him." grumbled Carina next to her.
"Who?"
"Oh Stickman. He's done his bit and he's not enjoying this." She shook her head. "Came last in his last four outings, he's not even trying anymore." She let out a sigh. "None of my business, unfortunately." After one last look at the horses now coming back, she turned around. "Time for Lu's first race?" Rose nods and the three women return to the parade ring. "Does she have a chance?"

Rose sighs while looking over the three horses already walking.
"Not really. He's still very green and it's only his second race. Lucy thinks with a bit of luck they can get in the first three." Maya checks the program and sees there are 7 horses racing 7 furlongs in this handicap.
"What about the others she's riding today?" She asks while looking through the leavelet again.
"Lady should have a good chance in the group III and Georgie might have a last shot at winning in these conditions. The other two I'm not sure. Monster doesn't like the soft ground, he'd be happier in France or Germany I think and Eclipse might win if she's happy with the conditions. She's also quite green and very opinionated on top of that. She did win two of her five races though, came second twice and only lost the first one when she wasn't in Lucy's training. So, who knows." Carina looked at her friend, awed.
"I love how you basically know nothing about horses, but can rattle of every form of every horse." Rose laughed.
"Yeah, well people expect me to know these things and they are quite interesting once you get into it."
"Can't say I agree." muttered Carina in Maya's direction. She let out a laugh.
"Oh come on, Rina! You know every pedigree of every horse we have." Rose poked her in the ribs, what made Carina flinch to the side and into Maya, who hastily threw her arm around the brunette's waist to steady her.
"Stop that!" She grumbled before standing straight again and sending a thankful smile in Maya's direction. 

Lucy comes third in the race and looks pleased about it. 'Monster' turned out to be a huge bay gelding by the name of Lookalive, he came in second to last, as predicted. Eclipse, a small, dark bay mare seemed to be in good form and came second, just a nose behind the winner. They were now waiting for the big race of the day. 

Shortly before she had to get on the horse, Lucy ran up to the three women.
"Maya!" Maya looked at her, interrupted in her conversation with Rose. "I just wanted to check in with you, because they are gonna ask about who will follow me as my main jockey. Can I tell them it's you? I know you haven't officially started yet, but you did sign a contract."
"It's fine!" Maya interrupts her. "I did sign a contract and people are gonna know. It's not like it's a secret, is it?" She seemed confident, but her insides turned over. Lucy beamed at her.
"Great! See you later!"
"Break a leg!" Lucy tips her hat, then hurries back over to the ring. In this case she was trainer, rider and owner so they were gonna ask her about things. Especially because the odds were very against her. 

"So Lucy." The moderator, Maya has since learned that his name was Sean Beckett, had a nasty smile on his face. The blonde also thought he was a nasty person from what she heard so far. "I think it's safe to say we've all been surprised to see you entering Lady of New York in this race. So far she hasn't started at this level. What do you think about her chances?" He was just polite enough not to sound rude. Lucy smiled and Maya admired her for her professionalism.
"Well, she's been very good in training, she won her last two races on listed level and came third in the group III. So I think her chances to come at least into the top 5 are good. We did think about entering her here, but since she's also running in the oaks, we wanted to give her the chance to compete at this level." Beckett nodded.
"Now, we have heard rumours that you're going to retire."
"I am. At least from riding. I will still train my own and my client's horses."
"I see. And will take a jockey under contract?" Lucy nods, her eyes flicking over to where Maya stood.
"I already have. Maya Bishop will officially start riding for me on Monday. She came here from the States, I'd say she's a raw talent, but a big one. You all can expect big things from her." A murmur went through the crowd, people were looking around, but Lucy didn't look in Maya's direction again and age was grateful. There'd be enough eyes on her the first time she was actually riding, she didn't need it already. Especially not now that she knew her father was looking for her. The bell interrupted whatever question Beckett wanted to ask and Lucy left him with a nod and a smile to get thrown up on her mare. 

A pull on her hand made her look round.
"Come on! Rose reserved a good space, but we should go now!" Carina was right. By the time they saw Rose, space was tight and they squeezed in next to her under grumbles around them.
"I told them you'd be coming." Rose said with a laugh while shuffling aside. 

The race started, Lucy and Lady jumped a little late, people around them muttered, but Rose kept smiling, eyes fixed on the big screen in front of them.
"She's got this!" Indeed the little mare was behind the field halfway up the opposite stretch. Lucy kept her steady behind the group. Carina squeezed Maya's hand that she had not let go of, her eyes fixed on the screen as well, while Maya looked down at their hands, then up at Carina's face. 

"And they're coming into the final turn now. Glacier Eagle leading the field, followed by Mary Lags on the inside and Lord Loxely on the outside. Then it's Flyhigh, Dixon, Comet, Easygoing and last one in the turn is Lady of New York. That's how they come into the finals stretch." 

Maya saw the moment it happened. Lucy made herself smaller, moving her hands with a little more force and the horse under her changed gears. 

"Lord Loxely coming into the stretch first, followed by Flyhigh, Mary Lags, Glacier Eagle. Then it's Lady of New York who seems to be gaining more ground by the second, Comet, Easygoing and Dixon. Lady of New York now coming down the inside! Is she still gaining more speed? Lord Loxely still in front, then Flyhigh, Lady of New York. Lord Loxely, Lady of New York. Lady of New York! Lady of New York wins the Gallinule Stakes! Then Lord Loxely and it was really close between Mary Lags and Flyhigh. Then it was Easygoing, Glacier Eagle, Comet and Dixon."  

Cheers erupted around them. Rose hugged Carina, then Maya, then Carina hugged Maya and they cheered with the crowd. 

"Temporary result: Winner is the 5 Lady of New York, second is number 3 Lord Loxely, third is number 2 Mary Lags and fourth is number 1 Flyhigh." 

The horses were coming back, Carina could see Lucy's smile from where they were standing. She gave a thumbs up in their direction, before her groom led her over to the interview. 

Rose turned around.
"Congratulations! You just earned yourself a ride in the Oaks!" Maya gulped, looking over at the winning pair that now left the track.
"I don't know about that." She mumbled, earning another squeeze to her hand.
"We'll see when the time comes!" Rose patted her on the shoulder, then left, probably to congratulate her girlfriend. 

"How are you feeling Bella?"
"I'm okay. This is nice." Neither her or Carina knew if she spoke about the day out, or the fact that Carina was still holding her hand. But since she didn't pull back the Italian saw no reason to either.
"Are you excited about the time you're gonna ride?" Maya nods, looking over the track.
"I am. I hope I'm going to do well! I don't want to disappoint anyone."
"Hey." Carina put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in. Maya had the perfect size to be tucked under her arm. "You'll do great. Everybody makes mistakes, but that's life, right? As long as you do your best, no one can say anything." Maya lets herself be comforted, wrapping both of her arms around Carina so that they end up in a hug.
"You're a good hugger." Maya mumbles, turning red when she realised she said that out loud.
"What?" Carina pulled back to look at the blonde's red face.
"Nothing. Shouldn't we congratulate Lucy?" Carina didn't believe her, but decided to let it go.
"Later. They're all gonna swarm her. That was a huge upset, they always go crazy when that happens."
"Okay."
"But we can go back to the ring?"
"I think I'll stay here."
"Okay."

They watch the next two races, Rose only joining them for the last one. Lucy won that one as well.

"The Lady leaves on a high!" Again the crowd cheered. Lucy waved at them, but they could also see a few tears.

"She's been doing this since she was 16." Came Rose quiet voice from the side. "Over a decade and now it's gonna be over." She looked after the horses now moving off the track.
"Why is she retiring?" Maya wondered.
"Health, mostly." She didn't say anything else and Maya didn't ask. It wasn't her business after all.

The women moved with the crowd.
"I think I'll just leave with Lucy. I can help her out a bit and you two don't have to wait for me."
"Sounds good!"
"Are you coming over for celebration tomorrow?"
"Maybe for an hour or so. I wanted to show Maya around, do a little road trip." That was news to Maya and she looked surprised.
"We are doing a road trip?" Carina smiled.
"We are! And I thought we could stop by your B&B, get the rest of your things and get you settled in." Maya was dumbfounded. She really would need some time to get used to someone being nice to her without an ulterior motive.
"That sounds great! Yes!" She managed to smile. "Thank you, Carina!"
"Not for that." They continued to smile at each other until someone cleared their throat. Carina looked away, blushing. 

"Hey!" Lucy was coming over to them, jumping into Rose's arme, who lifted her up easily. When she was back on her own two feet, she beamed at the other two, still one arm around her girlfriend.
"Congratulations!" Maya said, not really knowing how to act. Shake her hand? Hug? She settled for a smile.
"Thank you, Maya!"
"Congratulations tesoro!" Carina did hug her and Lucy squeezed her back.
"Thank you, love!"
They stayed and chatted for a bit, Lucy also inviting them to come over the next day, but finally she had to leave so the animals could get home. 

Maya and Carina left as well.
"What do you think, should we grab a bite to eat on the way back?" Carina opened Maya's door for her, leaning on it.
"Sounds good! You choose though, you probably know the area better than me!"
"As you wish, Signora!" She grinned as she closed the door behind a laughing Mays and walked over to the driver's side.

When they pulled out of the parking lot and finally onto the open road, Maya looked out of the window, but then to Carina as she started humming a song on the radio. She looked beautiful in the low sun coming from the window, sunglasses on her nose. 

Maya smiled to herself.

'Yeah.' She thought to herself. 'She would be just fine here!'

Chapter Text

The next day started early. And even if Maya grumbled about it, because she was also starting early on Monday, there was no way she could say no to Carina when she smiled like that. Something else she grumbled about, although she did that silently in her head. Carina didn't need to know the power she had over her.
"Breakfast!" Carina announced, setting down a plate of french toast in front of her. "No complaints!" She tutted, when Maya opened her mouth to say something. "I know you don't usually have breakfast, but you'll need your strength today and the coming time will be hard enough on your eating habits. I know how you riders get." Her face darkened a bit, but it was so quick Maya didn't know if it was a trick of the light. "So, I spoke to Lucy this morning and our plan for today is road trip, then we pick up all your stuff and bring it to your new place. Afterwards we can join the celebration for as long as we want to. Sounds good?"
"Mhmm." Maya nodded through a bite of French toast. "Sounds good. And this" she pointed her fork to the toast, "is amazing. You might just change my mind about breakfast!" She tried to lighten the mood a little bit, because it was true. During the season she was very conscious about her eating habits. Some of it might be drilled into her brain, but was also a need for her job.

Half an hour later they sat in the car, driving south. Carina had a few spots in mind, but really she just wanted to see where the road took them and give Maya the chance to tell her to stop if she wanted to.
"Is there a plan?" Ah yes. Apparently Maya didn't like spontaneous decisions.
"I was thinking that we could just drive down the coast and stop whenever we feel like it. And we can do more trips in the future whenever we both have the time." Carina loved her new home. She lived in a few places and while nothing came close to her home in the South, Ireland definitely had its charms and she always enjoyed showing people around. She had done trips with her brother before and some friends when they came to visit.
"Okay. Yeah that sounds good." Maya smiled at her, but it seemed a little forced.
"Hey, don't worry. I'll still stop for the good places. But if you see anything at all let me know and we'll look, okay? This is your last day of freedom, we have to make the most of it, don't we?"
"That sounds like I'm getting married tomorrow." Maya said with a shudder and Carina grinned, widely.
"Do you want to? Get married, I mean."
"Tomorrow?"
"No." Carina laughed. "I mean in general." Maya thought about it for a long moment.
"I never really thought about it, to be honest." She finally confessed. "I never had the right person to even think about moving in together, let alone marriage." Carina raised an eyebrow.
"So you're not a relationship person?" Maya shrugged.
"Not really. I don't see the point of a relationship, if I can just have fun with someone if I need and want it. Monogamy is for the weak." She concluded, but with a look at Carina's shocked face she added: "Or the very, very dedicated." Carina shot her an incredulous look. Maya chuckled to herself. "I take it you are a relationship person?" Carina shrugged, still looking disbelieving.
"Not necessarily, I can have fun with people without being in a relationship, but I don't rule out a relationship from the get go. I think being in a relationship with the right person is absolutely beautiful. I hope I can have that one day. Finding my person."
"But don't you get your heart broken in the process?" Carina shrugged again.
"Worth it in the end. I think if you find the right person, the pain will be worth it. Also, what's life without a little risk? Just because I don't risk getting hurt doesn't mean I never will. You can't live your life like that. The last thing you want to do is look back at your life and wonder, what if?" Maya was silent for a long time afterwards, first looking out of the window, then at Carina and back out again. She supposed Carina was right, but was it really worth it? She had seen how her mother was trapped in an unhappy relationship and marriage with her father. She had seen more than enough people in unhappy relationships that she had sworn herself she would never do that. On top of that, she liked to have her freedom, her independence and she was horrible at comprising. But even Maya couldn't help but wish sometimes. Wish for someone to come home to. Someone who would take her the way she was, with whom she could feel safe, who could be there for her the way she would be there for them.

Carina let her brood in peace, concentrating on the road. She realised that maybe she had said too much, gave away too much. She had known Maya only for a short time, but she liked her. Carina had hoped to turn this conversation in another direction, but the plan had backfired. She wouldn't give up though. It would just need a bit (or a lot) more time than she had imagined. Something told her that it would be worth it in the end.
"Should we stop over there?" Carina pointed to a parking space. It wasn't a special place in any way, but it was close to the sea and maybe this was what Maya needed. Carina knew she always felt a lot calmer sitting at the sea, listening to and watching the waves.
"Yeah, sure." Maya was caught in her head. This was not what she hoped for today. Carina pulled into the parking lot and stopped the engine. They left the car and went over the stones at the edge of the sea until they found two big ones to sit on.

"Are you okay?" Carina asked after a few minutes of silence between them.
"I… Yeah. Just… Thinking."
"What about?" Carina asked, turning her body to the blonde, giving her her full attention. Maya stared ahead, not meeting her eye. She took a deep breath.
"All my life I've been surrounded by unhappy relationships. My mum's unhappy, my best friend just got a divorce last year and I have always been convinced I don't need a relationship. I kept telling myself that I was fine alone and that I didn't need anyone. But since I've started therapy I keep thinking that maybe… it would be nice, you know?" She cocked her head and looked at Carina, her hair framing her face and she put the left part behind her ear. Carina smiled, softly. Even if Maya had never told her in detail what happened to bring her here (she didn't blame her, they've known each other only for a few days after all), from the little things she did say and her whole demeanor Carina concluded that her childhood had not been a happy one.

They listened to the waves for a moment, Carina waited if Maya wanted to say more, but she stayed quiet, looking ahead again. Carina took a little breath, looking ahead as well.
"You know," she started "maybe this is also a part of your healing story." From the corner of her eye, she saw Maya look at her, but Carina kept her face straight ahead. "You only just started this journey, your first step was coming here, getting out. You can build yourself the life that you want. Away from whatever you ran away from. And who knows, maybe you'll find someone to share that new life with. Someone who makes you forget about all the bad examples. Where you can just be yourself, without walls or hiding anything that makes you, you." She turned her head to look at her new friend. Maya's face had turned red, but she wasn't sure if it was because of the wind or her words. She could see her eyes flitting over her face, tracing her features. Carina didn't know what she was trying to find, but apparently she did. Or didn't, whatever it was. Maya smiled, shyly.
"It sounds like you know what you're talking about." Carina smiled back.
"A little bit. I'm just building my life here, but I haven't found anyone to share it with, yet." They held steady eye contact, but Maya eventually looked away, swallowed and fixed her gaze on the horizon again.

They sat for another ten minutes, until Carina shivered. Maya immediately looked over.
"I'm so sorry! Let's go to the car, it's warmer."
"Oh, I'm okay. We can stay here for a bit, if you want to?" Maya shook her head.
"No, it's okay. Let's keep going, I'm sure you have lots more to show me." Maya had stood up and stretched out both hands to Carina, who gripped them and let herself be pulled up. She stumbled a little on the uneven ground and into Maya, who took a step back to steady herself and Carina as well. The Italian let go of Maya's hand and gripped her hips.
"Sorry." Maya whispered, her voice hoarse. "I pulled a bit too much." Only when she was sure Carina was standing upright without help, she let go, taking a step back. Carina shook her head, trying to snap out of it.
"It's okay. You caught me." She smiled, but Maya kept looking concerned. "Come on, Bella. Let's go." She turned towards the car, waiting for Maya to move as well, before walking. They climbed in the car and Carina resumed their journey, every now and then pointing out little things around them. They stopped a few more times to enjoy the view from various spots and Maya enjoyed it immensely. Not only the view, but Carina's company as well. It all brought her a sense of calm that she hadn't felt in a long time. They shared smiles and stories and laughter and they both felt at ease with one another.

"Oh this you have to see!" Carina stopped the car at the side of the road and there was an excited glint in her eye. Maya looked around. There was nothing around.
"Is this the part where you kill me and leave me where no one finds my body?" Carina's head whipped around, looking horrified.
"What? No! Why would I do that?" Carina run through everything in her head that could possibly give Maya that idea, but came up short.
"Carina!" Maya touched her hand and she looked down at it before looking back up. "I was joking. I'm sorry."
"God! Don't joke like that, I thought you were serious!" Maya chuckled, but Carina continued to look annoyed.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again!" Maya looked up at her with big, blue eyes and Carina faltered. She grumbled something in Italian, then opened the door.
"Come on. I'll show you." Smiling, Maya got out of the car as well and they crossed the road.
"Wow." Carina had watched Maya's expression and saw the slight widening of her eyes and the sharp intake of breath. "This is… Wow." They were standing at the edge of a stone field with big and small rocks, big and small cracks all over. Carina beamed. She let the other woman take it all in, not pressuring her to move until she wanted to. The wind had picked up and unlike Carina, who wore her hair in a ponytail, Maya's short hair was open and moved around her face.
"Can we go closer?" Carina nodded and they walked closer to the edge of the water, careful not to trip or step into the cracks. The ocean was relatively calm today, a gentle push and pull, some of the water springing up and over the rocks, collecting in dents and cracks. "I'm usually more of a forest person, but this might just turn me around." Maya didn't look at her, but Carina could see the smile.
"I'm an ocean person. The sea calms me. There's a tiny little beach close to my house, it's very secluded behind a forest. I go there to calm down after a hard day at work." Surprised, Maya looked over.
"I think I found that. When I was taking a walk. I just sat there and forgot everything around me."
"It's nice, isn't it?" Maya nods and they smile at each other.

"I think we need to do this more often. There's no way I can spend enough time here and still see everything else." They are back in the car and the blonde looks out of the window, trying to take in everything at once.
"We can definitely do this more often when our days off align. And if you ever get a car you can go on solo trips as well."
"I think I prefer doing them with you." Maya had spoken before thinking and flushed red. Carina smiled.
"Me, too!" She answered simply. With a look at the clock in the car she discovered that the day had flown by quicker than expected. "Uhm. What's the latest you want to be back? Because I'd love to show you one more thing, but then we'll be late to get your stuff and get you settled in. Unless…" she hesitated. "You could stay with me one more night and we'll bring you stuff over tomorrow? Rose is staying with Lucy anyway. That way we can still drive by your own place, but no bringing the stuff to a new place and get it all sorted. Instead I can come over tomorrow and we can do it after work. What do you think?"
"That sounds like a good plan. And quite frankly, I'm not ready for this day to be over yet. So show me one last thing before we have to get back to reality." Carina reached over to take her hand and squeezed it.
"Then we'll do that!" She pulled back onto the street and drove off. It was midday now and she knew that the journey up to Kells and back to Galway would take a lot of time. They would definitely need another day or two or more and she was excited to explore the island with Maya.

"What's your favourite place?" Maya asked all of a sudden.
"Here? Or in general?"
"Both." Carina pondered the question.
"Here I think it's the little spot at the ocean close to my house. Generally a lot of secluded spots close to the sea where there are not that many tourists." She shot her a smile and Maya thought that she wanted to see all of Carina's favourite spots and maybe discover new ones together. "And in general, it's not really a place I guess." She paused, trying to pull herself together. "I miss feeling Home. I haven't felt like I have a home in a long time, ever since my mama and brother moved away. The time when I still had a home, that's my favourite place." The grip on the steering wheel tightened and she pushed back tears. A hand was placed on her thigh and squeezed lightly.
"I hope you find your home." Carina moved one hand from the steering wheel and gripped Maya's hand.
"I hope you do, too." Somehow, they always ended up having deeper conversations, even with simple questions. Carina enjoyed it, she felt a connection with Maya that she hasn't felt in a long time and hoped to deepen it.

They were quiet for a bit, but didn't feel the need to say anything.
"Here we are!" Carina finally said as she drove the car on a big parking lot. "I'm afraid this is a rather touristy space, but it's worth it." They finally had to disconnect their hands when they exited the car and, as they were only friends, neither of them tried to reconnect, not that they didn't think about it.
When they reached the top of the step path Carina steered them right and Maya gasped.
"Wow Carina. I feel like you're showing me the most beautiful spaces and one it's better than the next, but really I can't choose." She looked around, while not really knowing where to look first. "Incredible." She murmured. She didn't realise that she was being watched by her friend who had seen the view before and enjoyed watching someone else appreciate it. The cliffs were absolutely spectacular and didn't show up on every travel guide for nothing. Even if they were more closed off now than they had been a few years ago, the view was still one to behold and this was one of the first spots Rose had taken her too when she moved here. Maya, who leaned against the small wall on her elbows, now looking at her.
"Thank you!" She said and sounded so sincere as if she was talking about more than taking her here.
"What for?" Carina asked, leaning against the wall next to her. Maya looked from her, then back out over the sea.
"Taking me here. Letting me stay with you. Getting me in contact with Lucy. Basically everything you've done for me since we met. I wasn't looking for a friend at all, but I'm so glad I met you. I feel like through meeting you, everything started falling into place. I'm so thankful, because you turned what would've been a very stressful time for me." Maya was still not looking at her and Carina knew somehow that she usually wasn't the type to hold heartfelt speeches. "So I guess, what I'm trying to say is thank you. I'm grateful to have you in my life." Carina couldn't help herself. She reached out and touched Maya's arm. At first she stiffened, then relaxed with a shaky breath and looked up at Carina, who trailed her fingers down Maya's arm until she reached her hand which she gripped and tugged so Maya stepped into her space and Carina engulfed her in a hug. Here as well, Maya was stiff first, but she relaxed and returned the hug tightly when Carina whispered in her ear: "I'm glad I met you, too Bella. I hope you can find the peace and happiness that you were looking for when you came here. And I hope you will let me stay by your side for your journey. I cannot wait to see the amazing things you're gonna archive." Maya held in a sob. Carina seemed to notice and held her a little tighter, stroking over her back. "You're okay." She whispered. She could feel Maya's heaving breaths and just continued to hold her, telling she was okay.

Finally it seemed like Maya had calmed down and she pulled back from the hug, wiping her eyes.
"God, I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I didn't mean to cry all over you."
"It's alright, Bella. I don't mind. No emotion can scare me away." She tried for a bit of humour, not daring to touch the blonde again. Carina was a tactile person, but she wasn't sure if Maya needed that as well. The other woman's face looked serious, but then smiled faintly.
"Thank you, Carina." She gave a little awkward squeeze to Carina's arm, but it was appreciated all the same. "Uhm so. Should we go? Get my stuff?"
"Yes. Yeah, let's go." Maya seemed to try and get away from the emotions and who was Carina to force her into anything. Not yet, anyway.
"Are you hungry? We can stop for something to eat on the way."
"Oh yes, please. I'm starving." With a laugh Carina turned around and walked back to the car.

They stopped for food at a little diner where they got sandwiches that they ate on a bench at the side of the road with a view of a small hill full of sheep. They both tried to keep the conversation upbeat now, Carina talked about her job, her brother and her time with her friends, the game night they had. Maya recalled stories with Andy, her favourite rides and her hopes for the future, dreams she had and races she wanted to ride. When they both finished, they set off to get Maya's stuff. She smiled at the thought that this was the real start of her new life.

Chapter Text

A month later Maya has settled well into her new life. She loves her job, she gets along well with most of the people around her and then there's also Carina. The two of them have slipped into a routine, they try to meet up at least twice a week, either at Maya's place or at Carina's. Sometimes it doesn't work out with Carina's schedule, but they still manage to see each other when Carina comes over for work or for Clara. They've gotten a lot closer during the last four weeks and even if they don't see each other, they text every day and call most days as well. It was easy to be with her. Maya felt calmer in her presence, at ease.

It terrified her.

The last two days she's been texting less, trying to fight the feelings that have begun to grow in her chest. She hated that her heart always began to race every time she saw Carina's name light up her phone or even worse when she saw her in person. She also hated that she was looking forward to every second that she was able to spend in the Italian's presence.
And she hated that she didn't hate it at all. Being with Carina brought her a sense of peace she doesn't remember ever feeling before. But Maya didn't know what to make of it. It scared her, made her build her walls up high and pull back.
However, she had forgotten that she was dealing with a stubborn Italian that could easily hold her own and was definitely on the same terms of stubbornness as herself.
"Carina!" The Italian looked around and spotted Lucy coming towards her. "Thank God. She's been out there for two hours and I can't get her to stop. Maybe you can. This is insane." The woman looked genuinely worried, which did nothing to calm Carina down.
"Two hours? Why on earth would she be running for two hours?"
"I have suspicions, but please, try to get her to stop. I need her to be fit tomorrow and not land herself in the hospital." Carina nods understanding and marches over to the forest where they usually trot the horses during the mornings. It was a round track so she would just wait until Maya came by again.

She didn't have to wait long. Carina could hear her, before she could see her coming up from between the trees. She was panting heavily, her eyes focused forwards, her face red. She was wearing long trousers, but had thankfully abandoned the hoodie that was in a knot around her waist.
"Maya!" Carina called out, but Maya didn't seem to hear her. Maybe she was wearing earphones? Carina decided to step on the path so she would definitely see her. And see her she did. Maya looked startled at Carina's sudden appearance, but didn't slow down. Instead, she focused her eyes back on the path ahead and continued running. "Bella, wait." Carina stretched out a hand and caught Maya's wrist and got her to stop running. Maya turned around from the impact and wrenched her wrist from Carina's grip. There was an anger in her eyes that she had never seen before.
"Let go of me." She spit out and Carina was really taken aback. She had never seen Maya like this and couldn't understand how it could have happened. "I need to finish this run. I texted you that I couldn't make dinner tonight." Maya was breathing so hard that she was difficult to understand.
"I got your text. We haven't seen each other for days, I thought we could just watch a movie together. I miss you, Maya."
Maya scrunched up her face, still trying to get some air into her lungs.
"I need to train. I have a race tomorrow and I'm still over the restriction."
"By how much?" Asked Carina, calmly. Maya stared at her, her jaw clenched, her chest heaving. Sweat was pooling in her forehead, running down her face.
"Like a 100." She mumbled when she realised that Carina would not back off. Carina raised an eyebrow.
"100g? Maya!" She took a step towards the blonde, who stiffened, but didn't move. "100 is nothing. You'll probably lose it just from sleeping tonight. This will do more harm than good." She searched her face, but Maya still looked determined.
"I still have to do another hour." She says through gritted teeth.
"Says who?" Carina asked, challenging, arms folded in front of her quest, one eyebrow raised. Maya didn't answer and avoided the brunette's gaze. Carina sighs. "Maya, how long have you been running?" She asked, despite knowing it already.
"Two hours." Maya grumbled, showing Carina that maybe she knew this wasn't the healthiest thing. She sighed, again.
"Come on, Bella. Let's get you under the shower and we'll spend a relaxed evening together. If you're still over limit tomorrow, you can get another run in, alright?"
"But, Lucy…"
"Called me to get you to stop." That finally got Maya to look at her.
"She did?"
"She's worried about you. Come on, you'll get cold and stiff if we continue to stand here." She could see the war raging behind Maya's blue eyes and waited for her to make a decision. Finally, she seemed to slump together.
"Alright." She whispered, taking Carina's outstretched hand and let herself be led back to her little house.

"Go shower, Bella. I'll set up the TV. Anything you want to watch?" Maya hesitated.
"Can we watch Secretariat?" She asked, timidly and Carina nods.
"Of course, Bella. Go." She pushed her lightly, looked after the retreating figure of the woman who quickly became her favourite person.

When Maya came out of the bathroom the light was low in the living room due to all the curtains being drawn and shutters lowered. On the table was a glass of wine and a glass and jug of water. The water looked a little strange.
"Oh you're finished already." Carina came into the room carrying a plate. "I made you some eggs."
"I can't…"
"Yes, you can! You need to put fuel into your body, otherwise it's gonna shut down." When Maya continued to look skeptical, she sighed and put down the plate. "Maya, please." She stepped towards her and took both her hands. "You have been told otherwise?" Maya looked away and made to pull back, but Carina held on. "Bella, please."
"Don't." Her voice quivered and she pulled back with more force.
"Maya. Come on. We can watch the movie and I'll eat the eggs. I was just trying to…" Carina trailed off. "I know this is difficult and I'm sorry I made it more difficult. I just don't want you to starve yourself when there's absolutely no need." Maya was still standing with her back to her, heaving in breaths, hand on her hips. Carina waited for another moment, then nodded to herself. She gathered her wine and the plate and walked back to the kitchen. The wine would be lost, but she'd put the eggs in the fridge in case Maya got hungry later.
"What are you doing?" Maya came into the kitchen as well, watching Carina.
"I'm putting the eggs in the fridge so you can eat them later if you want to." Her voice was cool. Carina considered herself a patient person, but not tonight. She had a bad day and just wanted to spend a nice evening with Maya.
"I'm sorry. I'll eat them." Carina turned to look at her, plate still in hand. "Please. I'm sorry. It was very nice of you. I'm just…"
"Rude?" She didn't mean that, she knew that Maya wasn't a rude person, but her temper was getting to her. Maya flinched.
"Broken?" She sounded defeated.
"I'm not in the habit of fixing broken people." Maya sagged even more into herself.
"Okay." She moved to the side to let Carina through. But the other woman continued to look at her, before she sighed. She put down the plate and took two steps until she was in front of the blonde.
"Maya." Blue eyes looked up at her and she could see tears in her eyes. "I'm just trying to help you. I don't want to force you into anything but I've also been friends with Lucy for a long time. I know a bit about the rules. But I cannot see inside your head. You have to tell me if I overstep."
"You didn't. Overstep. I got overwhelmed. I'm not used to people taking care of me and I was still caught in my father's words. He never let me eat the day before the race if I hadn't managed to weigh less than I needed." Carina clenched her jaw. Maya took it the wrong way and took a step back. "Sorry. You can leave, I won't hold you." She was surprised by a hand cupping her jaw and forcing her head up.
"I don't want to leave. I want to have a night-in watching Secretariat. But I want you to be okay. And I want to take care of you, if you let me." Maya looked up at her, searching her face.
"I want to let you. I'm learning how to do that. I promise. It's just not easy." Carina had begun stroking her thumb over Maya's jaw and it was way more intimate than intended. But the blonde seemed to melt.
"I know. I'm sorry for snapping. I've had a rough day and I was hoping to relax with you. I can see you trying. I'm sorry for pushing."
"It's okay. I am hungry, actually. But there's like a battle going on inside my head. My father's words are battling yours and sometimes it's harder to listen to you when I've been hearing his teachings for 10 years." Tears sprung up in her eyes and before she could say another word, she was pulled into a hug. She clung to the back of Carina's shirt, while the brunette had one hand at the small of her back and one on the back of her head.
"Stai bene, Bella! You're okay. I've got you." She didn't cry, just held on and took in all the comfort she could. Carina held her until Maya pulled back. She then stroked back her hair and placed both hands on her neck, her thumbs in front of her ears. "I've got you." Maya smiled.
"Thank you, Carina. Can I have those eggs now and we watch that movie?" Carina pressed a short kiss to her forehead that made Maya blush, then turned around to get the plate.
"Get comfortable, I'll heat them back up."
"Thank you." Maya continued to look at Carina until the woman caught her.
"Go, Bella! I'll be just a minute." With a smile Maya turned to the living room and got comfortable on the sofa.

"Here you go. Eggs for the lady. I made you lemon water as well." She pointed to the water on the table and gave Maya the plate and fork.
"Thank you!" Maya said again and begann eating. "Have you eaten anything, Carina?" The Italian shook her head and Maya stopped with the fork halfway to her mouth. "Why not?" Carina shrugged.
"I wasn't hungry."
"Are you now?" Carina shrugged again. "Carina…" Maya sighed. "There's still a bit of your carbonara in the fridge, you can have that if you want."
"I don't want to take your…"
"Take it, Carina. I insist."
"Okay."

When they finally both had something to eat, they started the movie. There was a tension between them, but the positive kind. They smiled at each other whenever they caught their eyes. Maya sipped her water, but pulled a face with every sip.
"God this is sour."
"And healthy." Carina added with a grin. She had finished her wine and switched to water.
"Yeah, yeah." Came the grumbled reply. Carina chuckled. "You're coming to watch tomorrow, right?"
"Of course! I promised, didn't I?"
"Good." They continued to watch in silence, but Carina's eyes began to droop. She fell sideways, but sat upright again.
"Come here." Maya pulled her down and Carina laid her head on Maya's lap.
"I'm gonna fall asleep."
"That's okay. You can stay if you want." Carina yawned.
"Okay." She mumbled, fighting to stay awake, but Maya's hand in her hair was making that impossible and she slowly drifted off to sleep.

When her breathing evened out, Maya stayed like that for a while, looking down at her and continued to run her fingers through her hair, the movie forgotten.

Finally, she pulled herself away, slowly moving from under Carina's head. She placed one of her pillows there and a blanket over her body. She was glad that Carina was already wearing comfortable trousers and no jeans.
"Goodnight." She whispered and pressed a kiss to Carina hair, before she could second guess herself.
"Night, Bella." mumbled Carina half asleep, snuggling deeper into the blanket.

Chapter Text

The next morning was an early one. Maya's alarm rang at 4am and, miraculously, Carina was already up and in the kitchen when she entered.
"Good morning, Bella. Did you sleep alright?" Maya yawned, rubbed her eyes and shrugged.
"Not really. I was really nervous."
"Was?" Carina asked while she poured water into a cup that she now slid over to Maya.
"Am. I am nervous." She played with the tea bag, looking down at the cup with a frown.
"Why?" Maya looked up. Carina was leaning against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked tired and held herself a little stiff.
"God, I'm so sorry! That sofa was not very comfortable, was it? I should've offered you my bed. Your back must be killing you. You did look comfortable yesterday and I didn't…"
"It's okay, Bella. You needed your bed more than I did, so I wouldn't have taken it anyway. I'll just stretch a bit and I'll be fine." She smiled. "And you have no reason to be nervous. I've seen you ride in training, you're great. Lucy wouldn't put you out there if she didn't believe in you." But Maya was used to being set up for failure, so that wasn't really a consoling thought for her. Absentmindedly, she took a sip of tea and immediately pulled a face.
"What is this?" She asked, disgusted. Carina chuckled.
"It's nettle tea. It helps your kidneys work. I know it's not the best tasting thing, but it does help." Maya pulled a face again, but took another sip.
"This better works." She murmured, while Carina laughed.
"Do you need any help?" She asked gently. It was too early for her, she did not have coffee yet, but she wanted to be there for Maya right now. Nervousness and anxiety were coming in waves from the woman.
"Hm? Oh, no thank you. I have everything packed, just need to change and then I'm ready to leave."
"Okay."
"Don't you want breakfast? Or coffee?"
"It's four am, that's too early to eat, even for me. I'll take a coffee to go to drink on the road."
"You're coming with us? Now? But, you could go back to sleep! You love sleep!" Carina choked on her water and Maya flushed red.
"Scusi?"
"What? I mean, you do? Whenever I ask if you want to do something before 10am, you can't because you prefer sleeping." Carina grumbled something in Italian that Maya didn't catch.
"Okay, yeah I love sleep, sue me. Not everyone gets up at the crack of dawn." Maya laughed, quietly.
"It's okay, Carina. One of us has to watch the fire at night." Carina looked puzzled and Maya told her about the theory that some people stay up late and sleep in, while others go to sleep and wake up early so the fire would be watched at all times.
"So, we make a perfect pair?" Carina asked with a smirk. Maya looked thoughtful.
"Yeah. Yeah I guess we do." 

There have been a lot of exchanges like this. They always left Maya wondering if Carina was flirting with her. But, that was impossible, right? They were friends. Beautiful, smart, funny, amazing Carina would never flirt with her (not that Maya didn't want her to). She deserved better. Carina was a doctor, she was super smart and lovely to everyone she met. Maya, on the other hand, was just a rider, not even a successful one. She was full of darkness and trauma. Trauma that she is working through, but still. She wanted Carina to have light and happiness in her life. Not darkness. And Maya? Maya was dark as hell. 

"Bella!"
"Hm?" Startled, Maya looked up at Carina.
"Where did you go?"
"Nowhere, what's up?"
"I was asking whether you have any clothes I can borrow?"
"Oh, uhm. Sure. But I don't know if they'll fit you?" She looked Carina up and down. She was a good bit smaller than the Italian.
"I should've brought something. But I didn't think I'd sleep over."
"You seemed exhausted, I wouldn't have let you leave, anyway." Carina gave her a bright smile.
"Aww, you're very sweet, Bella!" Carina came around and kissed her on the cheek. Maya blushed, furiously. "You know what, I'll just ask Lu if I can have a pair of Rosie's jeans. I would take a shirt, though if you have one. I think I still have underwear in my car." At Maya's puzzled face, she laughed and explained that it was always possible for her to either get sprayed with various body fluids, or get soaked in the rain, so she always had some spare clothes in her car.
"Yeah that makes sense." Maya could just get changed at home, but Carina didn't have that luxury of course.

Half an hour later, they were both changed and ready. Maya had put her bag in the lorry and helped put the finishing touches on the horses. They take five today. Maya would ride three of them. Marry Me, the little mare she rode on her first day, Freiheit (which she couldn't pronounce for the life of her) a five year-old bay gelding with lots of white and Saraya, a grey mare. Maya had ridden them all in training and was quite confident that she would be doing fine with all of them. Or, she wouldn't fall at least. 

"Alright, people let's move!" Lucy jumped down from the lorry after they loaded up the horses and she, Rose, Carina, Maya, Emmett and Jo got in. It was a little cramped in the back, but they enjoyed the ride with music and talks. Most of them, at least. Maya was nervous as hell, she kept wringing her hands and bounced her leg up and down while nervously looking out of the window. Carina, who was sitting next to her, grabbed her hand, locked their fingers together and placed them on Maya's bouncing thigh.
"Relax, Bella." She whispered in her ear. She could feel Maya lean into her, changed her hand holding Maya's and put the other arm around her waist to pull her closer. Focusing on taking deep breaths herself while subconsciously stroking her thumb over the blonde's hipbone she hoped to calm Maya down. Eventually Maya leaned her head on her shoulder and breathed deeply, giving two squeezes to Carina's hand, who squeezed back. Emmett looked at them, thoughtfully until Jo nudged him and they fell into a conversation. Carina held Maya's hand, stroking her thumb over it and leaned her head against Maya's, closing her eyes. 

She must've dazed off, because Maya squeezed her thigh softly to get her to stand up.
"Come on, sleepy. We're here and I need to get up. You can stay and sleep for a bit though if you want."
"No." She yawned. "No, let's go." She let herself be pulled up by the blonde, yawned again and stretched. Even if she frequently worked night shifts, she was preparing for them by sleeping through the day. This was different. She'd pull through though, for Maya. She wanted to be there for her. She watched them as they led the horses off the lorry and towards the stables. Rose looped her arm through Carina's.
"Stop staring and let's go!" She was pulled towards and stumbled, trying to stabilize herself on Rose, who laughed. "You two looked quite cozy." It was not a question, more of a statement with a raised eyebrow. Carina tried to fight the blush, but Rose' smirk told her she failed.
"We've gotten close."
"Uh huh. You stayed at her place last night."
"Yes. And I slept on the sofa. We're just friends."
"Yeah, right. Tell that to your blush and the heart eyes you use every time you look at her."
"I do not…!" Rose snickert.

"Hey Carina, can you get my bag from the lorry?" Maya's voice carried back to them.
"Yes, of course!" Rose snickert even louder, now laughing fully.
"Oh, you're so whipped for blondie!"
"Shut up, I am not!" She whisper-yelled while turning back to get the bag. 

When she arrived at the stable, bag in hand the group stood together.
"There you go, Bella." She said, smiling at Maya. Behind Maya's back, Rose was forming a heart with her hands. Carina scowled, Lucy looked puzzled between them and Maya turned around, but Rose had dropped her hands and put on a straight face. Lucy rolled her eyes and turned to Maya.
"Come on, let's go to the office. You've got all your papers?" Maya nodded, suddenly looking nervous again. Carina grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Maya smiled at her, tightened the grip on her bag and followed Lucy. Rose came to stand next to Carina and poked her in the arm.
"Te l'ho detto! Hai gli occhi a cuoricino." Carina leveled a glare at her and huffed, but Rose chuckled. (Told you! You have heart eyes!)
"Come on, beautiful. Let's get coffee. Do you guys want anything?" Emmett and Jo both wanted coffee as well, so Rose looped her arm through Carina's again and they both went to find coffee. 

A few hours later it was finally time for Maya's first race with Marry. She was really nervous now. Lucy was standing next to her and she was really calm and reassuring.
"You've got this, Maya. We've talked about the tactics about two hundred times, you've been very thorough with everything. Marry likes you, you like her. You'll be fine. I absolutely do not expect you to win anything today. Get through all the races, have fun, the rest is just a bonus." She smiled and Maya could see no trace of a lie. It settled her stomach a little bit. She took a deep breath, looking over the audience. She couldn't see Carina at first, but spotted her on the second glance.
"I've got this!" She said, locking eyes with Carina, then looking at Lucy, who smiled.
"That's right!" 

The bell rang and Maya was thrown on Marry. 

"Alright girl, let's go!" She stroked the mare's neck.
Soon after they were circling in front of the machine and Maya was calm. She knew this, this was what she was good at. Just for now she managed to push out her father's voice and only remembered Carina, Lucy and even Rose who kept telling her that she was good and that she could do it. They were loaded in, waited for the rest of the field and off they went. Maya held her back, as discussed with Lucy keeping in the back of the field. Marry felt strong underneath her, powerful and she thought that maybe they could actually get into the ranks. Coming through the last turn, she gave a bit of rein and came past a few horses. And then they were in the stretch. Maya crouched down and kept pushing with her hands. "Come on, girl. Let's show them!" And Marry, as if she understood, stretched and accelerated. They flew by the big group and soon went head to head with the leader. "Come on!" Maya growled. They flew over the finish line side by side. Maya couldn't believe it. She had not expected this at all. With a whistle, she slowed Marry down to a trot and then a walk. Stroking her neck, she smiled. "Good girl!" She said to her, then turned her around. 

"Good ride, newbie!" She looked over at the jockey who came in next to her. He smiled at her, his lined face looked weather worn. He looked like he's done this job for some time and like he would die doing it.
"Thank you. You too!" He laughed.
"I'm Theo. Theo Ruiz."
"Maya Bishop."
"Nice to meet you, Maya Bishop. You ride for Lucy, right?" Maya nods.
"Good for you!" He smiled and winked at her, then moved his horse to the handler. Maya looked around and saw Jo walking towards her.
"That was absolutely insane, Maya!" She beamed, kept stroking the mare's neck with one hand while hooking the leadrope on.
"Did we win?" Maya asked.
"No, you came second by a nose. But that end speed? Insane!" She shuddered as she led them off the track. 

"Maya!" As soon as she was off the horse, she was scooped up and spun around. "That was insane! I told you to take it easy. There was no need to prove anything. This was the test run, what the hell?" Lucy set her down and beamed at her.
"Well, I didn't plan to, but it just felt good and I let her go. She can seriously fly, that one!" She pointed her finger over her shoulder.
"Amazing!" Lucy seemed speechless.
"I gotta go to weigh out."
"Yeah, go!" While Maya went over to the weighing room, and returned a short time later, walking right into Carina. As long as she's known her, she had never seen her smile this big.
"That was absolutely"
"Insane?"
"Amazing! You were amazing. I'm so proud of you!" Carina pulled her into her arms. Maya held on to Carina's shirt and let herself feel safe and secure in her arms. "See?" Carina whispered in her ear. "I told you there was nothing to worry about." Maya smiled into Carina's shoulder.
"Yeah, you were right."
"Did you have fun, Bella?" Carina asked after they seperated.
"Yes. Yes, I did! And I'm gonna have a lot more fun in the next two races."
"I'm sure you will and I'm sure you're gonna be brilliant." She gave her another short hug, then sent her to get ready.

Watching Maya wasn't as easy as Carina thought it would be. Of course she was happy that Maya could do what she loved, but she also knew how dangerous this job was and that, if you thought about it, every time she got on a horse, it could be her last. Nevertheless, she would come and watch as often as she could, no matter how badly her heart would race. She wondered for a moment why it affected her this much. She had never felt like this when she was watching Lucy race and they've been friends for years.
"Rina." A soft hand touched her arm. "Come on, we have to go." Carina followed Rose, but felt like she was in a trance. "Are you alright?" 
"Hm? Yeah. Yeah I'm okay." Rose didn't look convinced, but let it go. 

Maya came fourth and third in her next two races. She did look a little disappointed, but Lucy was pleased and kept telling her that. Of the other two horses they brought one could win and one came sixth and last in the same race.
"It is what it is." Lucy said, shrugging.
After her last race, Maya had slowly come down from her high and gotten more tired by the minute. She got a coke to get some caffeine into her blood, but it didn't seem to make much difference. Carina didn't seem to mind. She had found out that a tired Maya was a cuddly Maya and she took full advantage of it. Maya was tucked into her side, munching on a crêpe and drinking lots of water. 
"Your tea helped, by the way." She said between bites. She was absolutely starving now. "I had to pee so much." Carina chuckled and Maya could feel it through her whole body, which made her smile to herself. She caught Rose' smile and it made her blush, so she looked down and continued to eat her crêpe. When she was finished, she put both arms around Carina. "Next time" She mumbled against her "you have to take your car so we can leave early." 
"You wouldn't." Maya yawned. 
"You're right, I probably wouldn't. Stupid sense of responsibility." Carina laughed again. Maya liked this. Being close to Carina. 

She looked around at the people around her. After they loaded the horses back up on the lorry, they stood in a group with some other people, Carina had once again put an arm around her shoulders and Maya leaned into her.
"Alright, let's go. Before my star jockey falls asleep standing up."
"I'm okay." Maya perked up, but the others were already moving.

Carina and Maya both fell asleep and Rose, who had taken the seat in the back, took a photo of them. 

When they arrived, Lucy sent Maya home immediately.
"Just this time." She said. "Hey Maya? I'm proud of you. And others saw you, too. I've been asked by three people how long I'm planning to keep you."
"And what did you say?"
"As long as you want to stay." Maya felt warm with pride and happiness.
"Thank you."
"That's alright. Now, go. Get some sleep. I'll see you on Monday!" 

"Do you want to stay?" Maya asked when she and Carina were back in her little house. "For dinner, I mean. I have some leftover stew that I'd be willing to share."
"Yeah sure, why not. I can't sleep here again, though." Maya's face fell.
"Oh. Right." She moved to the kitchen to get started on dinner.
"Maya."
"It's okay. You didn't have to stay. Not even for dinner if you don't want to." Her brain was racing. Maybe her cuddles were a bit over the top today. On the other hand, Carina had done nothing to stop her.
"Maya." The brunette stood behind the blonde and turned her around. "Bella, I would love to stay. But, I'm sorry, your sofa is scomodo! Uncomfortable." She added at Maya's puzzled face. "I need my bed tonight. But I also really want to have dinner with you before that."
"Okay. Sorry. Yeah, I didn't think of that." They were standing so close again and Maya's heart was racing in her chest. She was surprised Carina didn't feel, or hear it. "I thought you might be uncomfortable with how close we were today."
"Believe me when I tell you, Bella, I wanted that. I mean…" Oh, Carina was blushing. That was interesting. "I wasn't uncomfortable at all."
"Okay. Okay good." They smiled at each other, forgetting time until the stew in the pot behind Maya gave a loud sizzle.
"I'll set the table." 

They had dinner with little, light conversation, then hugged goodbye when they both had trouble keeping their eyes open.
"Text me when you get home!"
"I will." Carina waved from her car and drove off. Maya followed her car with her eyes, until she couldn't see the lights anymore. Then she went inside, got ready for bed and waited until she got Carina's message. 

*I'm home, Bella ♥️* 

And with that, she could finally fall asleep. 

Chapter Text

"Hey Maya, are you going out with us tonight?" Maya looked over at Lucy, who rode next to her. They had just finished their last lot and we're riding back to the stables. 
"I don't know…"
"Oh come on! You've been her for a month and you've never been out for drinks with us. It's your day off tomorrow."
"Who else is going?"
"Me, Rose, Travis, Vic and Carina." Lucy was quick to hide her smirk when she saw Maya smile at the name. 
"Okay. I'll come." 
"Good. We'll pick you up at 7." 

Half past 6, Maya was desperately going through her closet. She did not have anything to wear. When her phone rang, she only glanced at it briefly, before answering. 
"Hey Andy." 
"Hey! How are you?" 
"Right now? Desperate to find something to wear to go to the pub tonight."
"Oooh are you finally taking your Italian on a date?" 
"She's not 'my' Italian and we're going out with the crew."
"Aand is she coming?"
"Yes." Maya said, rolling her eyes. 
"And are you freaking out about what to wear because of it?" Maya hesitated.
"Yes." She murmured, defeated. Andy laughed. 
"Okay. Wear the jeans. You know which one?"
"Mhm." Maya took out the jeans. 
"And that white, flowy shirt."
"Are you sure?" 
"Duh! Yes I am!" 
"Okay. Thank you." There was silence on the other end for a moment.
"Maya."
"Yes?" Maya asked, distracted.
"He's still looking for you." Maya sighed. "And I'm pretty sure, he's looking international now." 
"So? Andy I'm not gonna hide from him. I live here now, I work here and I'm sure as hell gonna continue to ride. And if he has a problem with it, he can come take it up with me. I'm done being scared. I'm not going back and I'm not doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. I left that behind me. I'm good here and I intend to stay." Her voice was firm, she had stood up, her free hand on her hip, her eyes hard and jaw clenched. 

"I know. I'm just warning you. I don't put it past him to actually come and persuade you to come back." 
"He can try. I won't come back." There was silence on the other side. "What?" She asked, a little hotly. 
"Nothing. I just wish you weren't on the other side of the world." Andy sighed. "But I understand why you did it and it's what's best for you." 
"Thank you Andy." 
"Yeah. I'll let you get ready, call me." 
"Promise!" They hung up and Maya got ready for the evening, even if she didn't really feel like going anymore. She put on a brave face for Andy, but in reality, she was terrified that her father would really find out where she lived and show up here. 

A knock interrupted her dark thoughts. Grabbing her purse, she went to the door to open it and found Lucy and Rose standing in front of it. They both grinned widely at her, but their grins vanished when they saw Maya's face. 

"Are you okay? You look like you're about to murder someone."
"I'm fine." Maya grumbled, grabbing her keys from the lock and closed the door. She saw them both raise their eyebrows, but thankfully they didn't say anything. They walked in silence, Maya was brooding, the other two were not sure what to say. They've never seen Maya like this and weren't sure how to act. 

"Is Carina coming straight to the pub?" Lucy asked and Rose nodded. 
"Yeah, she wanted to get showered and changed beforehand." 
"Understandable." Lucy mumbled and, as they left through the front gate, she took her girlfriend's hand. The two were talking about some stuff, but Maya didn't pay attention, she just walked next to them, forcing herself to stay present. 

When they finally reached the pub, she had decided that she needed a distraction. Whatever that would mean. 
"Hey Maya, are you sure you're okay? You're more quiet than usual." 
"Yeah. Yeah I'm okay. Just stuff on my mind." 
"Do you want to talk…" 
"No, I don't thanks." The two women looked at each other. They did not understand where this was coming from and weren't sure they liked this version of their friend. 
"Carina! Over here!" Rose waved the Italian over to their table. 
"Hey!" Carina smiled at them. "I'll get something to drink, what do you guys want?" After taking all their wishes, she went to the bar to order. "There you go." She placed the drinks in front of the women. "Are Vic and Travis not coming?" 
"They'll be a bit later." Carina nods and slides in on the bench next to Maya. 
"You look nice." She compliments her, smiling. Maya feels herself relax slightly. 
"Thank you. You do, too." Carina was wearing dark blue dress pants and a light blue blouse. Some would probably say she was overdressed for an evening at the pub, but Maya expected nothing less from the Italian. She was usually dressed impeccably. 

The others started talking about their day, but Maya was staring into her beer, not really noticing anything around her. It wasn't until Carina nudged her softly that she looked up. 
"Hey, are you okay? You're awfully quiet tonight." Maya's temper and her walls rose up immediately. 
"I wish you'd stop asking me that." She growled, emptying her beer in one gulp and getting up from the bench to go to the bar. Bewildered, Carina looked at the other women sitting with her. 
"What was that?" Rose shrugged. 
"No idea, she's been like that since we picked her up.
"Weird." Carina waved to Vic and Travis, who came over, loudly greeting everybody and sitting down. Lucy looked over her shoulder to the bar, where Maya now sat alone. But when she got up to go and talk to her, Rose put a hand on her leg. 
"Let her be. You're just going to push her further. She'll calm down eventually." Lucy sighed.
"Since when are you an expert on the inner workings of one Maya Bishop?" Carina asked, cocking her head to the side. Rose shrugged. 
"She's like me."
"What's up with Blondie?" Vic asked, taking the beer from Travis. 
"No one knows. She says she's fine."
"She was fine earlier. Something must've happened in the meantime." They all looked back, but Maya had apparently decided she wouldn't come back and was deep in conversation with a man, who sat next to her at the bar. When Lucy turned back she saw Carina looking sour. She was staring daggers at them, her jaw clenched and she sat up a little straighter. Lucy nudged Rose, who looked over at Carina when Lucy pointed, subtly. The red-head chuckled, silently.
"Ah yes, strictly friendly feelings." She muttered and they both burst into laugh, which made Carina break her death stare and look at them, questioningly.
"What?"
"Nothing." Lucy got out, still giggling. Carina raised her eyebrows. Unfortunately, she has never managed to raise just one.

A few days ago Lucy had been over for dinner at Carina's and Rose's place and somehow they had started talking about Maya. The couple had teased the Italian about the blushing and the gushing, both convinced that Carina felt more for the rider than she let on. But Carina was in denial, convinced that she has strictly friendly feelings for her. Absolutely nothing more. She kept telling herself at least. So far, it was working. And she did not appreciate her friends telling her otherwise.

Maya came back to the table.
"Hey, you two!" She smiled at Vic and Travis and seemed to be in a better mood than before. She grabbed her jacket from the bench. "I'm leaving." She said to the group. "I'll be out with you next time, but tonight is not the night." They all looked at each other, confused, Carina drew her eyebrows together.
"Are we still on for tomorrow?" Maya's blue eyes shifted to her.
"Of course. I'll be at your place at 10 for breakfast." Carina was relieved, but tried not to show it. Maya smiled, a little less forced than before and waved. "Bye, guys!"
"Bye!" They all echoed, looking after her. And, to everyone's surprise, she met up with the guy from the bar and they left together.
"Go Maya!" Vic mumbled. "I'm sure that's gonna raise her mood." Carina glowered into her glass, not seeing Vic's pained face after a kick to her shin from Rose, or the looks she exchanged with her girlfriend.

The mood didn't really cheer up afterwards and Carina decided to go home and try to get some sleep. The week had been hard and she could do with some sleep.
"Hey guys, I'm tired. I'm leaving." They all looked up at her, her best friends both seemed worried. 
"Love, are you okay? Do you want us to bring you home?" Carina looked at Lucy and shook her head.
"No. Thank you, I'll be okay." She waved at them, then left.

With the hands in the pocket of her trousers, she made the short way home. She was thinking about Maya, something that happened more often than necessary, and why she felt this weird tight sensation in her chest. She absolutely did not like it. When her house came into view, she stopped. This was ridiculous. Maya was free to do whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted, after all. She, as her friend, should be happy for her. Maybe her and that guy would end up together. Then again, Maya had told her she wasn't the relationship type. With a scoff, Carina shook her head and started walking again. She should really not wonder about her friend's sex life. If Maya wanted, she'd tell her tomorrow. That, at least, was something she looked forward to. They had decided to go on another road trip together, deciding to drive north this time.

They were just friends, after all.

Chapter Text

Maya has always been a punctual person and today was no different. 10am on the dot she rang Carina's doorbell. It was Rose, who answered.
"Good morning, Maya! Come in!" She smiled and took a step back to let the blonde into the house.
"Morning. Are you going to have breakfast with us?"
"Oh no. I'm about to leave, actually. I have to work today."
"What do you work as?" Maya asked, because she never actually found out.
"I'm a doctor. I work in trauma, doing my residency at the moment."
"Wow! That's really cool!" Rose shrugged.
"Being in a relationship with someone who has such an accident prone job, it does come in handy. It's only a short shift today, I'm only filling in for someone. You have fun, Carina is in the kitchen." She turned towards that room. "Rina, I'm leaving. Maya is here. Be good!"
"Bye Rosy! Have a good day!" Rose chuckled, then grabbed her keys and left. "Bye Maya."
"Bye!" 

Maya smiled. She and Rose had developed a weird friendship with each other. Rose got her in a way others didn't. They had spent evenings together, sitting in front of Maya's cottage, not talking to each other, just drinking beer and staring into the distance. Maya knew that, if she had wanted to talk, Rose would've listened. But she didn't. She was brooding and thinking, but appreciated the company all the same. 

"Good morning!" She greeted Carina, who was making french toast and smiled at her. It didn't quite reach her eyes, which Maya thought was odd. She had come to know Carina as someone who smiled often and brightly.
"Good morning, Maya." That was odd as well. Carina nearly always called her Bella these days and Maya hung on to it. She knew that Carina only saw her as a friend, but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the closeness they had. She would take everything she could get for as long as Carina let her. Or as long as she could stand it.
"Are you okay?" She asked the Italian, frowning.
"Yes." Her voice was rather sharper than usual. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah. Sorry about yesterday. I had a… difficult phone call with Andy and was feeling a bit under the weather because of it. I probably should've just stayed home."
"Then why didn't you?" Maya raised an eyebrow.
"What? Where's this coming from?"
"Why did you go out with us, if you didn't feel like it, hm? And then you just left with that guy and we didn't even speak five words with each other!" Maya deflated a bit, looking confused.
"I thought going out would be better than brooding at home." She crossed her arms in front of her chest, not knowing why Carina behaved like this. It made absolutely no sense. "And who I leave with is my business I think." Carina scoffed, turning off the stove, also crossing her arms and glaring. 

They stare at each other, neither one wants to budge. Maya is frustrated and confused, because she had never seen Carina like this and she also didn't understand where this was coming from. Carina didn't know why she was behaving like this. After all, Maya was right. She could leave with whoever she wanted. It wasn't Carina's decision. But what if it could be? She shook her head and looked away, biting the inside of her cheek. She could not have feelings for Maya. 

"I think I should leave." It was only when Maya spoke, sounding sad that Carina turned back around.
"What, why?"
"Because you're clearly not in the mood for me today and I won't let anyone treat me like this anymore. Not even you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Maya pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Look Carina, I don't know what your problem is, but you can't tell me who I can or can't leave the pub with. Nor can you tell me how to deal with hard situations. Not when you don't even know what's going on."
"You could've told me!"
"And I would have. Today, when we had the time and space, because it's not something I wanted to talk about in front of my boss. I wanted a distraction yesterday and that's what I got. And today I wanted to spend time with my friend to talk things over, but I feel like she's not up to that."
"Maya…"
"No, Carina. I was really looking forward to today. Because I know you listen to me and you can give great advice. But I don't feel like going anymore. Let's reschedule, my next day off is Thursday."
"Mine, too." Carina sounded defeated, she had looked forward to this as much as Maya, but she was also still mad. She couldn't really tell what she was mad about, but she was really angry. 

"Call me when you've calmed down." Maya said and Carina's eyes hardened.
"Calmed down? Why do I need to calm down? You're the one making a big fuss about it."
"Oh am I? I'm not the one being butthurt about me leaving with a man. If you really have a problem with it, ask yourself why." And with that, she turned around and stormed out the door, leaving Carina behind, who was equally steaming of anger and confused. 

Maya walked home, faster than she would've done under normal circumstances. She didn't understand why Carina would behave like that. It didn't make any sense. They were friends, so what if she wanted to let off some steam every once in a while. Would the Italian always react like this? Maya snorted and grumbled all the way back to the stud, opened the gate and soon saw her cottage.
"Maya!" A voice made her look up. Lucy was walking up the path towards her. "I thought you and Carina were out today?" Maya snorted.
"Yeah." She said, sarcastically. "I thought so, too. But Carina is mad about yesterday and I'll not let her talk to me the way she did. So I told her we'd reschedule and to text me when she calmed down."
"How did she take that?" A sigh was the answer.
"What do you think?" Lucy chuckled and nodded.
"What are you going to do now?" Maya shrugged and sighed, running her hands through her hair. 

"Are you up for a ride?"
"What?"
"A ride. You and I. You can get some fresh air and I have one less horse to ride."
"Yes. Yeah, why not." It wasn't like she had anything else to do, right? 

Around an hour later they got onto their horses, Maya was allowed to ride the pretty chestnut that she had seen on her second day here. His name was Duke and she had always admired him from afar. Lucy had, of course, noticed this and wanted to see how they got along. Plus, Maya really looked like they could use a pick me up. 

They started their ride in the forest, then headed towards the back gate, where Lucy got down to open it. After she was back in the saddle they trotted up a small hill. Lucy kept an eye on her companion, for one thing to see how she and Duke got along and because she looked really deep in thought. Once they were back to walk, she steered her gelding next to the chestnut.
"What's on your mind?" She asked, softly. Maya shot her a look before sighing and turning forward again.
"Nothing."
"I know nothing, Maya. This is not nothing." She paused, then continued. "I won't make you tell me anything, but if you want to talk, I'm here to listen." Lucy saw the blonde nod once from the corner of her eye, but she stayed silent.
"Can we canter up there?" Maya pointed up another hill that ended in a forest.
"Yeah, sure. You go first." With a nod, Maya turned on the dirt road that led up the hill and gave the cue for canter. Duke made a big leap and Maya enjoyed the wind blowing past her. They way was longer than expected and she let the chestnut run until she could see a sharp corner. With a whistle and one hand raised, she slowed down to trot and then walk. She smiled down at her horse and stroked his neck. Duke snorted and chewed on the bit, shaking his head. 

"I like Carina." Maya said quietly when Lucy was next to her. "I like her more than I should as a friend. And I know she doesn't see me like that, but I want to be her friend for as long as she lets me and… I don't understand why she behaved like she did today. I don't… I don't trust people easily and I don't know what to make of it. It doesn't make any sense to me. She was my first friend here and she is my best friend here. We can talk about anything and everything and I was always able to talk to her and I wanted to do that today." She was rambling and took a deep breath, because she had said all that without stopping. It was less scary to admit she liked the Italian than she had thought. Maybe it was because she had come to trust Lucy as well. Maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, she was grateful, because Lucy didn't gloat about it like Andy would've done. 

"Did you want to tell her why you were in such a weird mood yesterday?"
"Yeah. It's… My father. He…"
"You don't have to tell me." Lucy smiled. "For what it's worth, I think Carina likes you, too." Maya scoffed, unconvinced.
"Yeah, right."
"Believe me, I've known her for a few years now. I've been friends with her for just as long. What you two have, is not just friendship. She changed her day off so it's the same as yours, because she wants to spend it with you. She brings you food when you're not feeling good. Carina is a carer, she always takes care of people and I know she's very good at taking care of herself, but it's different with you. I remember that one time when she had a tough case and came to you, instead of battling it out with herself."
"Hmm."
"You can make of this what you want, but I think she was jealous."
"Jealous? Why should she be jealous?" Lucy raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Because you took home a very handsome young man and barely talked to her?"
"Oh."

Maya pulled herself back into her head and thought hard about what Lucy had said.
"But why didn't she tell me? Why did she attack, instead of saying how she was feeling?"
"Because it's Carina. She's probably telling herself she only likes you as a friend. She's trying to protect herself. I think…" Her pause made Maya look over at her. "I think you two should talk. Not today, both of your tempers are probably too high, wait until she reaches out to you."
"You think she will?"
"Yes. I think she will. She'll cool down, you'll cool down and then you can have a conversation. Just be honest with her."
"And if she doesn't feel the same way, I'll loose her as a friend."
"On the odd chance that's true, she won't. She's a smart woman, she knows no one can do anything against their feelings and as long as you can handle it, she will, too. But I really don't think you have to worry about it." 

Maya didn't reply and Lucy decided to drop the subject. After another canter they got talking about upcoming races and slowly made their way back. 

"You should ride him more often. He likes you a great deal better than he likes me!"
"I'd love to!" Maya rubs Duke's forehead and smiles. 

When both horses are back in their fields and Maya made her way back home, Lucy pulls out her phone.

*Hey Baby, call me when you get off work. I have news! Love you*

Chapter Text

When Rose came home that evening she had to look twice to realise she was in the right house.
"Uhm, Carina?" She called out, putting down her bag of food on the counter.
"I'm here!" came her roommate's voice from the bathroom. Frowning, she followed the voice and looked into the room. Carina was on her hands and knees, scrubbing the tiles in the shower.
"Uhm… not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing?"
"Cleaning."
"I can see that. But why? Weren't you supposed to be out with Blondie today?" Carina scoffed and cleaned out her cloth. Rose was aware of their argument after talking to her girlfriend earlier. She had gotten strict instructions to get Carina's side of the story.
"Yes."
"So, why are you here and not out, being lovely dovey?" The brunette sent her a glare that would have made anyone else shut up. But Rose has known and lived with Carina for years and simply raised an eyebrow. Carina scoffed and grumbled something that sounded like "Idiota."
"Are you insulting me, or her?" Carina didn't answer. "Okay be like that! I brought food and there's enough for the both of us. When you're ready, come eat." 

She waited for another 20 minutes, eating on the sofa when Carina finally came out of the bathroom. She seemed to have taken a shower and changed. They didn't talk while they were eating, Carina still seemed to be deep in thought and Rose was not about to push. She was not a fan of being on the receiving end of her temper. Carina cleaned up their plates and started scrubbing the kitchen, but Rose stopped her.
"Rina, come on. The kitchen is clean. What's up?" Carina hung her head and sagged her shoulders. She had been cleaning all day to not think about what was up. But it seemed like she couldn't avoid Rose anymore. Grabbing a glass from the cabinet, she filled it with wine and walked back to the living room. Rose followed her and sat down on the other side of the sofa, resting her arm on the back and her head on her hand. 

"Maya and I had an argument. I said some things and I guess she didn't want to take my bullshit, but… I don't know. I don't even know why I was so mad. I just saw her and snapped?"
"Why?"
"I just told you I don't know why!" Carina fired up.
"What did you snap about?" Rose corrected herself, gently, not wanting to agitate her further.
"I… I was mad that she didn't spend time with us in the pub, but just left with that… Imbecille!" Rose could see her fuming.
"And why did that make you so mad?" Carina froze in the middle of an angry hand gesture.
"What do you mean?" She asked, hesitantly and biting at the same time.
"Carina. I've known you for seven years. I have never seen you angry when any of your friends left the pub with someone else. There were times when you would go to the pub just to find someone. And when did you stop?" Carina gaped. "That's right, when Maya turned up. So I'm asking again, why were you so mad?" She let Carina think and drink her wine in silence. She could see the wheels turning in her head. 

"I… I don't know." She had curled into herself, not looking at Rose, who moved closer and took her hand.
"Rina. Look at me, please." She waited again, until brown eyes met her blue ones. "I think you do know, don't you?" A tiny nod was all the answer she needed. "So, what are you scared of?" Carina pulled herself upright, attempting to glare, but tears in her eyes dimmed the effect.
"I am not!" The only answer was a raised eyebrow and she deflated at once. Right, Rose knew her too well. "I don't want to lose her. We've gotten so close and I love spending time with her. And I'm scared that, if I tell her how I feel, I'll lose that. Lose her."
"And what if you don't? Have you ever thought that maybe she likes you, too?" Carina shot her an unbelieving look that Rose held. "Love, I know you're kind of thick sometimes, but you have to notice how Maya acts around you as opposed to anyone else? As soon as you come into the room, she relaxes and smiles more. She's incredibly guarded with everyone except you. Yesterday she only agreed to come out with us after she knew you would come as well. You two are always texting, she's here so often she could move in, or you could move in with her. You're always together when you are both free. You're already in a relationship, just without the kissing." Carina gaped at her.

"I love you, Carina. And I want you to be happy. I've had my reservations about Maya at first, but I see the way you look at her and I see the way she looks at you. It might be a shot in the dark, but I think it's worth it." She saw the brunette mulling it over.
"And what if she doesn't? Like me back, I mean."
"And what if she does?"
"But why would she take somebody else home, then?!" Carina's temper was rising again and she pulled back to stand up and pace.
"I don't know. That's something you should ask her. Because if you don't talk to her, you'll lose her for sure. Carina, I'm sure she'll have an explanation for it, if you just hear her out. She was in a funny mood yesterday, maybe she just needed to let off some steam."
"Yeah maybe. She said she had rough phone call and wanted to tell me about it today. But I snapped." She sighed. "So you say go for it?" Rose nodded.
"I think if you don't try it, you will always regret it. And now that you're not pushing down your feelings, can you still be just her friend?"
"What? I didn't push down anything."
"Ooh didn't you? Is that why you've been moping whenever she had to work or couldn't come over? Or why you got jealous yesterday, but didn't acknowledge that until five minutes ago?"
"I wasn't jealous!"
"Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night." Her answer was a huff and she chuckled. "Text her. Tell her you want to talk and be honest with her, okay?"
"She told me to calm down."
"Yeah, well. I do that all the time, just not in so many words." Another huff. Rose smiled, got up and pressed a kiss to Carina's head. "Don't stay up too late, okay?" Carina hummed. 

While Rose got ready for bed, Carina stared at her phone as if willing it to light up. It didn't, of course. Maya had put the ball in her court. With an angry grumble she picked it up and opened Maya's contact. She smiled at her name, she had saved her as Bella. 

Carina
'Hey Bella, I'm sorry about earlier. Can we please talk tomorrow?'

She locked her phone and put it down on the table, her knee bouncing as she stared at it, willing Maya to answer. 

Bella
'I'm off at three, do you want to come over?'

Carina
'Yes, I'll be there. Thank you!' 

She didn't get an answer, but felt like she could breathe easier. 

But the scariest part still lay ahead of her.

Maya had just finished dinner when her phone pinged. She dried her hands and grabbed it from the table. It was a message from Carina. She did apologize and Maya really wanted and needed to talk to her. So she answered after a bit of waiting, not wanting to appear too eager or as if she waited for her message. She got an answer back, but decided not to reply, instead she cleaned up the remains of her dinner and took a long shower. 

It felt good to talk about this to someone and Lucy was a good listener. She was also a friend of Carina's, but had listened to her and given her very good advice. Maybe, because she knew Carina so well. She probably had another insight into the Italian's thoughts. 

Maya really hoped they could resolve this and secretly, she knew what outcome she wanted from their talk. She liked being Carina's friend, but if she was being honest, she wasn't sure how long she could only be her friend. She could feel herself getting more attached to Carina the more time they spent together. She was beautiful, not only on the outside. She didn't take any of Maya's bullshit, but she could always count on her. Something she couldn't say about many people.
She reflected on all the little moments they had spent together and smiled. Maybe Lucy was right, maybe she needed to talk to her about her feelings. 

She was just hoping it wasn't a mistake. 

Chapter Text

Carina was incredibly nervous when she stepped up to Maya's cottage just before 3pm. She knew that Maya wouldn't be here for another 20 minutes, but she couldn't be late for this and she had gone stir crazy, pacing the living room. She played with rings on her hand. At work she couldn't wear them, but she loved wearing them in her time off. 

"Hey." She turned around so fast, she nearly gave herself whiplash.
"Hey." Maya was walking up the path towards her. She looked sweaty and flushed, no surprise after a day of hard work. "Yes, I… I thought I'd rather wait here than at home."
"Of course." Maya unlocks the front door. "I'm gonna take a shower first. You just make yourself at home, okay." She smiled, but it seemed shy and like she was holding back. Carina just nodded, she was feeling awkward as well. 

When Maya disappeared to the bathroom, she took a deep breath and got herself a glass of water. What she really wanted was something stronger, but she couldn't. If this was not going the way she wanted, she could drink as much as she wanted, Rose had promised. 

She looked around, everything looked like the last time she had been here. Maya's decorations were rather simple and scarce. There was a picture of her and a woman she suspected to be Andy, the picture from her win and two of the two of them together. She smiled at them, one was taken at the Italian's home and the other one during their first road trip. They both looked happy and Carina wanted to get back to this happiness. It had only been 24 hours of silence between them, but it was not something she cared to do again. Or for longer. She hated it and, now that Rose had talked some sense into her, she did realise that she had been a little unfair. They had been right. Maya was allowed to do whatever she wanted, with whomever she wanted, because they had not been in a relationship. They had not even considered it. At least she hasn't. But surely, Maya didn't either? Otherwise she wouldn't have left with that man? Or maybe, Rose had read this all wrong and Carina was about to make a fool of herself. Maybe she should leave. Leave the country at this point.

"Carina?" It was more the touch on her arm than Maya's voice that pulled her back to reality. She could feel her quickened breathing and pulled away. "Hey, are you okay? I called your name three times."
"Yes. I'm okay. I'm sorry, I have to go." She tried turning away, getting out as soon as possible.
"What?" A hand caught her wrist and turned her around. "Carina, you came here to talk and now you want to leave without talking? What's going on?" Carina looked from their hands to Maya's face and she looked confused, but hopeful and Carina felt herself give in.
"I'm sorry. I panicked. I don't want to leave, I want to talk, but… I'm scared." Maya moved her hand from her wrist to her hand and gently pulled her to the kitchen.
"Are you hungry?" Carina shook her head and watched Maya get herself some juice from the fridge. There was a lump in her throat and in her stomach, she might throw up if she ate something. 

Maya sat down at the table and Carina followed, sitting opposite her.
"So?" Maya put down her glass and focused on her.
"So, what?"
"Well, you were the one who wanted to talk. So?" Carina scoffed. She didn't want to do this. She felt like everything in her was cramped together and what good could get out of it? Maya did leave with someone else, so she obviously didn't feel anything for her.
"Carina?" She was already half out of the chair when Maya called her back. "What's up? Talk to me." Carina scoffed, again.
"Talk? What's there to talk about, hm? You took home some random dude and didn't care about me, so why would I talk to you, now? You obviously don't care."
"Carina!" Maya's voice was sharper now and when Carina looked up, there was anger in her eyes. "That's enough, you don't know what happened, or why it happened. So you can either stay and hear me out, or you can walk out that door and not come back." Carina glared at her and had half a mind to leave, but sat down again.

"I'm sorry. I just… I don't understand how you could do that. It's like you…"

"Just needed an escape. That's all it was. I just wanted to forget for one evening. I couldn't, though. I couldn't go through with it, we didn't even reach his place before I told him that I changed my mind and went home." Carina tried to catch her eye, but Maya looked down at her glass.
"Why?"
"Why what? Why did I need a distraction or why couldn't I go through with it?" Maya asked, knowing full well that the answer to both questions was the same.
"Both?" Carina's heart seemed to jump out of her chest, she tried to hold her hands still, but they kept fidgeting in front of her. Maya was turning her glass around on the table, her eyes still focused on it. 

"Because of you. You're always on my mind and I couldn't stand seeing you at the pub for longer, because you looked so beautiful and I… I couldn't. So I left, trying to distract myself and even then, you were on my mind the whole time and I felt guilty, as if I was betraying you. I couldn't do it, because of you." She took a deep breath, getting ready to say the one thing that could destroy it all. "I like you, Carina. I like you more than I should as a friend and I know you don't see me like that and I understand if you don't want to hangout with me anymore, but I can't go around pretending anymore. You should know what you're dealing with, so you can decide if you want to spend time with me, or not." 

If Maya had looked up somewhere during her ramble, she would have seen that Carina had looked up and started smiling. Before Maya could continue talking, she felt a hand touching her fingers. Her breath hitched and she looked up. Carina's face was softer now, she didn't look angry at all.
"I don't want to stop hanging out with you. Quite the contrary, no time we spend together is enough. I like you, too. I want to be with you. It took Rose calling me out to see that the real reason I was so mad at you, was because I was jealous. I didn't want you to leave with him, because I wanted to be the one you left with." Maya took a hand from her glass to grasp Carina's.
"Really?" She hated how vulnerable her voice sounded.
"Yes Bella, really! I don't want to be just your friend. I want us to be more, if that's what you want as well?" Maya nodded, tears in her eyes. 

In this moment, nothing else mattered.
Not the threat of her father looming over her.
Not the next races coming up.

The only thing that mattered was Carina, who now got up and walked around the table, then pulled Maya to her feet. They stood close together, Maya's hands on Carina's waist and Carina's arms around Maya's shoulders. 

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" Instead of answering, Maya leaned in and connected their lips in a soft kiss. 

They kissed unhurried, until they needed to breathe, then leaned their foreheads together, eyes closed, enjoying this moment between them.

Chapter Text

Carina had half a mind to leave yesterday, but then Maya had asked her to stay with those damn blue kitten eyes and how on earth could she say no to her? So of course she had stayed, but, unlike the other times, she had not slept on the sofa. Maya had pulled her into the bedroom after they got ready for bed. She seemed incredibly shy about it, so Carina tried not to make a big deal, even if her heart was jumping out of her chest and she felt like dancing and singing out of happiness.
She didn't. Instead, her and Maya got into bed and talked about how both their friends had set them up. They both thought about not telling them what happened, but decided that, since Carina was staying over, it was probably pretty clear that they had made up.
There were a few shy touches and more kissing, but nothing more happened. They both decided to take it slow, even if they've never talked about it. It just made sense for them. 

When Carina woke up this morning Maya had already been awake and looking at her.
"Morning." She whispered hoarsely while stretching and Maya smiled.
"Morning." She replied and snuggled closer. The brunette returned the smile and stretched out her hand stroking Maya's cheek until her hand settled on the side of her neck, tracing Maya's jaw with her thumb. The blonde's smile widened and she traced her fingers over Carina's arm to her wrist and held on to it as if she never wanted to let go. 

Their moment was rudely interrupted by Maya's alarm going off and she groaned, grabbing behind her to turn it off.
"I have to go." She murmured as if talking in a normal volume would disrupt the peace between them.
"I know." Carina whispered back and let go of her. Maya pressed a short kiss to her lips, before getting out of bed.
"You can stay if you want, it's still early. You can sleep a bit longer and then head to work." Carina pulled the duvet up to her face and watched Maya move around in the half darkness of the room.
"That sounds perfect." She smiled, even if Maya couldn't see.
"Okay." She stopped in the doorway and looked back at her. "Do you want to come over when you're finished with work?" Carina doesn't think she'd ever get over shy Maya.
"I'd love that. Do you want me to bring dinner?"
"No, I'll make something."
"Okay." She was too tired to argue. "Have a good day at work."
"You, too." She heard the door close and was already halfway back asleep. 

Maya got ready quickly and quietly, then realised she had forgotten her phone in her room. She opened the door quietly and slipped in. Carina was curled up under the blanket, sound asleep and Maya couldn't help herself when she stepped around the bed to press a kiss to her forehead. Carina sighed contently and Maya had to force herself to leave her. 

As expected Lucy greeted her grinning widely. Maya just rolled her eyes, but couldn't really contain her grin.
Her day progressed calmly and slowly and Lucy did not ask any questions as long as anyone else was around. She did, however, ask Maya for help with bringing in horses for the farrier and the two of them were alone. And that was Lucy's moment to jump. 
"So. Tell me! Did you two talk?" Maya chuckled and shook her head.
"We did. We both admitted that we like each other and that we want to try being in a relationship."
"That's it?" Lucy sounded aghast.
"We kissed. But nothing more happened." She added hastily when the smirk on Lucy's face grew again. "I want to be ready for it and I don't feel like it, yet. And Carina seems to agree. We'll see." The blonde looked away, thoughtful. 
"I'm sure she does. And even if she doesn't, she'll not push you into anything."
"No, I know she won't. She's a good person."
"That she is." 

They both put their horses in stalls and walked back up to Lucy's house.
"I hope you two will be happy!" Maya blushed and looked down.
"Thank you. I hope so, too."
"Do you want to come in?"
"Oh, um no thanks. I'm waiting for a phone call from my friend and I need to get groceries."
"Alright. Do you want to use the car?"
"No."
"You're going to drive, eventually. Just you wait." They both grinned, this has been an argument and a joke between them for a while. 

After getting her groceries and another very unsettling phone call with Andy, Maya had ended up sitting curled up on her sofa, staring against the wall. She didn't hear the knock, or the door opening.
"Maya?" Maya did hear her, but didn't look over, because if she did, she'd probably start crying and she didn't want that. She just wanted to sit here and stare at the wall. She felt the sofa dip next to her, but Carina didn't touch her, for which she was grateful. "Maya? Can you hear me?" Maya hummed and Carina rightfully took it as a yes. "Can I touch you?" Maya stiffened next to her and Carina hastened to say: "It's okay, I won't. I'll just sit here, okay?" When the blonde relaxed and didn't answer, Carina leaned back and watched her from the corner of her eye. Something must've happened between this morning and now and if Maya would let her, she'd sit here until the blonde was ready to talk, or move. She just concentrated on her breathing and staying calm, hoping to give some peace to Maya. 

Carina didn't know how much time had passed when Maya's hand searched for hers and gripped on hard. Carina held her, fighting down every urge she had to push her to talk or pull her into a tight hug, wishing nothing more than to protect her from whatever was happening.

"Andy called me. My father is looking for me and she thinks he's getting closer to finding me. And I'm so scared he will, because I'm scared of what I'm going to do if he stands in front of me. He's manipulated me my whole life and I never want to go back to it, but what if I'm not strong enough? What if I break and just fall back into his lies and…" A squeeze to her hand makes her stop and gasp in some air. Only when Carina was sure she was breathing steadily again, did she speak.
"You won't, Bella. Do you know why?" When Maya shook her head, Carina smiled sadly, wishing the blonde would look at her. "Because your family won't let it happen." That made Maya look over and she wanted to protest, but Carina didn't let her. "I've told you, you have a family here. Do you really think Lucy would let you go? Or Rose?" She paused. "Or me? We just started, Bambina. There's no way in hell I'm just letting you leave and go back to this abusive asshole." Maya choked a laugh, not thinking Carina would swear. "As long as you're with us, we will drag you back from the airport, don't you worry!" 

Carina did not have the time to react when Maya turned around and clung on to her, suddenly crying and sobbing. Once she got her bearings, she held Maya tightly, humming softly. They stayed like that until Maya calmed down and curled deeper into Carina, pushing her nose against her pulse point.
"I'm sorry."
"No."
"No?" Carina held her a little tighter.
"We don't apologise for our feelings." 

Maya was stunned and thought about this while Carina adjusted them so they could be more comfortable. She let the woman on top of her brood as much as she wanted, but her stomach disrupted her plan. Maya chuckled, then turned quiet and stiff.
"I didn't make any food! I wanted to make dinner for us and I didn't! I'm so sorry, Carina!" She tried to get up, but Carina held her and shushed.
"It's okay, Bambina. We'll find something quick to make and you can make me dinner some other time. Come on." 

She got them both up and tried to pull Maya to the kitchen, but Maya pulled her hand away.
"Don't pull, please." She nearly whispered.
"Okay. I'm sorry."
And that was it. 

Carina found something quick to make and coaxed Maya to eat a little bit as well, even if she didn't feel like it. After dinner, they washed up together and then got ready for bed. Maya didn't ask Carina to stay, but there was no way she would leave her girlfriend alone tonight. 
Once they were both in bed, Carina silently opened her arms and Maya crawled into them, feeling safer than maybe ever in her life. 

Chapter Text

Maya got up the next day without waking Carina, but didn't leave without giving her another kiss to the forehead. She was still thinking hard about Andy's call as she walked down to the yard and looked at the board. She was distracted while getting ready and only snapped back to reality when she nearly got kicked against the shin.
"Bitch." She muttered and put the bridle on, closing her helmet while walking to the others. 

"Good morning!" Travis greeted cheerily and steered his horse next to her. She glanced at him, but didn't answer. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine!" Travis looked a little taken aback, but stayed silent. 

Maya's weird mood followed her all through the morning. The only time she smiled was when she got messages from Carina. Lucy tried talking to her as well, but got the same answer as Travis. So, during the lunch break, she called Carina to ask if she knew anything. The Italian told her there was some trouble from Maya's past, but didn't want to go into too much detail. She didn't know how much Lucy knew about Maya's father and didn't want to say too much. It was not her place. 

"I'm on night duty today and have the day off tomorrow, so I'll take her on a long ride then to take her mind off things." 

"That sounds like a good idea! She can take Duke, they get along great!" The friends continued their phone call, catching up on their lives until Lucy had to go back to work. 

She was worried about Maya, she seemed stressed and haunted all of a sudden. She would jump when someone suddenly talked to her, let alone touch her. Lucy tried asking her again, but Maya snapped that she was fine and the haunted look in her eyes made her back off. Whatever happened was serious. 

She asked if Maya wanted to stay for dinner but, predictably, she declined. So she went home and had dinner with her girlfriend. When she talked to her about her day and Maya's weird behaviour, Rose got quiet.
"You know… I think Maya has been through a lot before she came here. She once told me she fled to a new start and a new life. I don't know any details, but from what I gathered, her family are not the nicest people to be around." She paused, thinking. "From what you told me, I think she was triggered by something. I used to be like that as well, do you remember?" Lucy nodded slowly.
"Yes, you're right. How did I not notice?"
"Don't beat yourself up about it." Rose grabbed her hand and rubbed her thumb over it. "If Maya is anything like me, she'll keep everyone away as far as she can."
"You're right. I just hope she won't push Carina away."
"Carina is stubborn as hell. She'll sleep in front of her door if she has to."
"She has to work tonight, though."
"Hey, Maya will be okay. She is strong and stubborn and a grown up. And she knows where you live, so if anything does happen, she knows where to find you."
They both knew that wouldn't happen.

Meanwhile Maya was out on a run, trying to clear her head. She had her phone on flight mode, her playlist blasting in her ears so she could concentrate on that only. It was now a very real possibility that Lane could find her. Lucy had told her earlier that she had put her as the jockey in the Oaks and if he really was researching the international rider's lists, he would find her. She should have known that running was a bad idea. She would just get everyone in danger. Who knew what Lane would do if he came here. There was no way he would just let her stay and not do everything in his power to get her to come with him? What if he hurt any of her friends? She could not let that happen! She would rather leave it all behind than see any of them hurt. 

Half a year ago she would have told everyone her father wouldn't be capable of hurting anyone, but after an incident around two months ago where he became physical, she wasn't so sure about it anymore.
After she had dared to talk back to him, he had pulled her hair when she had turned around to leave. She had been so shocked about it that she couldn't even react for a few seconds and it had been Jack who pulled him away. She did have her suspicions before, Andy and Jack had kept making remarks, but she had shot them down every time. And now she had proof he was right. 

The next two days, she planned everything to leave home and Andy had driven her to the airport. She was the only one who knew where she was and Maya trusted her not to tell anyone. 

So now here she was, possibly very close to facing her demons and she was absolutely terrified. And equally parts mad, because she should be allowed to make her own decisions and live her own life the way she wanted to. 

An hour later she came home and finally turned her phone back on before jumping in the shower. She could hear the rapid vibrations of incoming messages, but took her time under the hot stream of water. When she was finished, she got out and dried off. Just as she was getting dressed, her phone rang. 

"Hey Carina." She put the phone on speaker.
"Maya! Thank God! Where have you been? I haven't heard from you all afternoon? I was so worried." 
"Sorry. I was on a run and turned off my phone. I just wanted to clear my head." She pulled a hoodie over her head and put the phone to her ear. "You don't have to worry, I'm okay."
"I'm your girlfriend, Bambina. It's my job to worry about you."
Maya's brain short circuited. Had Carina just called her her girlfriend? Were they girlfriends now? They only talked yesterday, wasn't that too soon?
"Your girlfriend?" She choked out, standing still halfway between the bathroom and the kitchen.
"Uhm, yes? I thought we said we liked each other? I mean, we kissed?" There was a short pause. "Or do you want to see other people?"
"No!" Maya said immediately. "No, of course not! I just… I didn't think we'd be this quick. Or that it just happens?"
"Why wait? You like me, I like you and we both don't want to see anyone else. That makes us girlfriends in my book."
"Oh. Yes, I guess when you put it that way."
"Are you okay with that?" Maya couldn't quite place Carina's tone of voice.
"Yes, absolutely! I'm just surprised! I guess I'm just used to people dating for a while and then become official. But I want it with you."
"I want it, too!" Now she could hear the smile in her voice. Maya smiled as well, her heart suddenly lots lighter than before.
They talked for a little while longer, Carina told her about her day and they made plans for the next afternoon. Carina then got an emergency call and had to hang up. Maya got ready for bed and tried her hardest to cling to Carina's light and not let the darkness in. She cuddled her girlfriend's (girlfriend!) pillow and managed to fall asleep. 

The next morning her mood hadn't really improved. She still wasn't sure what she would do if her father did show up in front of her. Everything in her told her to go with him if it would protect Carina, but a small part, one that sounded exceptionally like the Italian, told her to shut up and stay. To confide in her friends here. She never had to go back if she didn't want to. Maya clung onto that little part of her inner voice. She didn't want to leave, she could finally feel like she was home. She had friends that included her into their family, she had a girlfriend she could actually see a future with, so she would fight. This was her life now and she would not let anyone take it from her. 

"Maya?" She turned to face Lucy, who came to her, still carrying a saddle and a bridle, her helmet unbuckled, her stick in the back of her breeches.
"What's up?"
"The farrier is going to come today, are you okay to help for half an hour or so? I know it's usually not in your job description, but since Travis is on holiday and Emmett is sick, we're two people short. Jo will come around ten and release you."
"Yes, don't worry about it. I can stay." It would just help to keep her busy and not dwell on things.
"Thank you!" Lucy sounded relieved. "Are you okay?" Maya's first instinct was to snap, but she composed herself.
"No. But I will be." They smiled at each other.
"We're all here for you, love! No matter what it is." Lucy squeezed her shoulder, then hoisted her tack back up her arms and disappeared into the tack room. 

Shortly before 8 am Maya and Lucy waited in front of the farrier room. They were talking about some strategies for the upcoming race weekend. Maya would now start riding more, for Lucy and her clients. She was excited about it and was looking forward to it. There were a few very good horses and she would be able to ride listed and group races. Lucy also told her that she would possibly travel to the UK soon, so she could ride her horses there as well. They'd have to figure out how the visa restrictions were for that. It felt like everything was finally falling into place for her. 

"Do you and Carina have plans later?"
"Yes! We want to go on a ride, she told me I could take Duke again?" Lucy smiled and nodded. "And then she asked me out for dinner."
"Ooh, your first real date?"
"Yes." Maya blushed and looked down.
"Have fun! Just don't stay up too late."
"Yes, mum." Maya rolled her eyes, but grinned and Lucy laughed. Lucy got an alert on her phone that someone was at the gate and opened it without really thinking about it.
"Looks like Sully is early today." She checked her watch. "I'll go get the first horse, can you turn on the lights?" Maya nodded and both women turned to do their tasks.

But when Maya comes back outside to greet Sully, it was not his big black van standing in front of the building.
It was a smaller car, a sticker in the windshield told her it was a rental car. And then the door opened and Maya felt her breath stop and her heart plummet.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't my good for nothing daughter…"

Chapter Text

Maya felt absolutely frozen, her muscles had locked up and she couldn't breathe. She didn't even hear anything her father spat at her and just stiffened up more as he came closer.

"Hey!" A shout from behind her made her jump. A second later she felt someone standing next to her and a horse breathing down her neck, nuzzling at her hair. "Who are you?" Lucy asked, her voice more icy than Maya had ever heard it.
"Lane Bishop, I'm Maya's father. I'm here to bring her back home. Where she belongs." Lucy's eyebrow ticked upwards.
"She is not going anywhere, I'm afraid. She has a contract with me for the whole year." The horse started walking side to side nervously, not liking to stand still. "Do you want to leave with him?" Maya shook her head, still not having found her voice. Lane scoffed and was about to say something, when Lucy addressed him. "You have to leave, Mr Bishop."
"And who are you telling me what to do?"
"Lady Luciana O'Hara. I own this place. You are trespassing, so you can either leave, or I will call the police."
"This is not over, young lady!" He pointed a finger at Maya, then stormed back to his car and drove up the street.

"Maya?" Maya had stared after the car and was startled when a hand touched her arm. The horse had disappeared and it was only Lucy standing with her.
"I'm sorry! I didn't… know… I… I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to pull you into this! I'm gonna... I'm gonna pack my things."
"No. You're staying right here inside this property. He's not going to get to you and you are not going anywhere." Lucy's voice was stern, but kind. "Now what do you need?"
"I need to run." 
"Okay. I have a better idea, can I show you? I promise if you don't like it, I'll let you run." Maya nodded, not having the strength to fight her.

Lucy brought her to one of the stables and thrusted a fork into her hands.
"You can help Marco clean the stables. Let out all the frustration." Maya clung onto the tool and nodded. "You don't have to do it."
"I want to." Her voice was hollow and quiet, but Lucy understood.
"You have the rest of the day off. Do whatever you want. Help out here, go home, whatever you need."
"Thank you!" Lucy just nodded, then left her to her work. 

It took her three tries until Carina picked up the phone.
"What?" 
"Good morning, sunshine! Can you come here? It's an emergency."
"I'm not on duty, call the office."
"They can't help me. It's Maya." There was rustling on the other side.
"Why didn't you start with that? Is she okay? Is she hurt?"
"No to both of these questions. Her father was here. I don't want her to spiral, but I don't think I'm the right person for the job. Can you come?"
"I'll be there in 10."

And precisely 10 minutes later Carina's Porsche raced down the driveway and came to a stop in front of Lucy's house. 
"Where is she?" She wasn't even completely out of the car when she asked that. 
"In the mare barn. I sent her to work so she wouldn't run herself to the ground again." Carina nodded, running a hand over her face and breathed deeply.
"What happened?" Lucy gave her a rundown of the earlier events, including all the vile things Lane Bishop said to Maya. Carina clenched her jaw, barely containing her anger. 

"Can I see her?"
"Of course. But I make no promises she's gonna like seeing you." Carina didn't really know what that meant, but right now she only wanted to see her girlfriend and make sure to keep her safe. 

"Maya?" She heard huffing from further down the aisle and followed it, greeting Marco on the way, who looked slightly terrified. 

"Hey Bambina." Maya looked up and she looked spooked, like a wild dog that had been backed into a corner. 
"What are you doing here?" She asked, the slightest bite to her voice.

"Lucy called me. She told me what happened. I came to check on you." 
"I am fine. I don't need a babysitter. Lucy had no right to call you."
"You wouldn't have told me?" Carina was hurt. She rarely saw this side of Maya, she was cold and obviously tried to push her away.
"Maybe later. After I had calmed down." Carina nodded slowly, taking it in, not sure how to feel about it. <
"Well I'm here now." 
"You don't have to be."
"I want to. Let me help you." 
"I don't need help!" The brunette threw up her hands and Maya flinched. 
"I'm sorry, Bambina! I'm sorry!" She now held both arms out to her, palms up." 
"It's fine. I'm fine." Helplessly, the Italian watched her as she started attacking the straw again.
"I'll wait for you." 
"You don't have to."
"I'm here for you. I'm not leaving." Maya flicked her eyes up at her, huffed and continued working. Carina decided not to hover and sat down on a bench outside, waiting for Maya to finish. 

It took half an hour and when the blonde finally came out, sweaty and still breathing heavily, half an hour later she looked surprised to see Carina sitting there.
"You're still here?"
"Of course! I promised I wouldn't leave." Carina held Maya's searching gaze camly, until the blonde seemed to sag into herself. "Let's get you home." 
"No! I can't leave, what if he's waiting for me outside? I can't let him see you, he'll hurt you!"
"Bella! Calm down, it's okay. I meant your place, not mine. I would never put you in danger like that!" Maya felt like she was on the verge of a panic attack and just wanted to run and hide. It was only Carina's calm presence that made her not freak out. And Carina, being the perfect girlfriend, lightly linked their fingers together and started walking without tugging at Maya. The jockette lets herself be led, giving Carina her keys and following her inside. 

"I'll take a shower."
"Okay. Are you hungry?" Maya shook her head. "Have you eaten anything today?" Reluctantly, Maya shook her head again. "I'll make us something small." So while Maya took a long shower, Carina made them some toast, nothing too heavy. When Maya came out of the bathroom she looked very tired and scared and she kept fussing around. Carina gave her a plate with toast, a glass of orange juice and a kiss to the head. Maya sighed and closed her eyes, before starting to nibble on her toast. 

They ate in silence, Carina kept looking over at her, but didn't say anything. Even if she wanted nothing more than scooping Maya up, holding her close and keeping her safe. The blonde managed to eat one toast and drink her juice, then pushed away the plate. She then kept fidgeting in her place on the sofa, looking over at Carina every now and then, biting her lips and adjusting her position. Carina, who hadn't eaten anything that day and was absolutely starving, ate both toasts, sat down her plate and angled her body towards the fidgeting blonde.
"Bella… Tell me how to help you?" Maya looked at her, her eyes glassy and her lips wobbling.
"Please." She begged, but didn't know what for. Carina was helpless, so she opened her arms as an offer and Maya only hesitated for a few seconds, then threw herself into her girlfriend's arms and clung on while breaking into sobs. 

Carina held her tightly, slightly rocking them backwards and forwards while humming into her ear, kissing her hair every now and then. Maya was saying something, but pressed against Carina's chest and neck, she couldn't really understand anything. She thought she heard a lot of 'No.' and 'I don't want to.', but shee wasn't sure. 

It took half an hour for the blonde to calm down and her sobs subsided. She adjusted on Carina's lap and started playing with her shirt. Carina continued to hum softly, only stopping when Maya sat up to face her.
"I don't want to leave." She murmured, fidgeting her hands in her lap.
"What do you mean?" Carina asked, her heart pounding hard, her hands suddenly sweaty.
"I don't want to leave. I know I have to, but I don't want to. I like it here, I finally feel like I'm home, but I have to leave so you're not in danger. If I go back with him, he'll leave you alone."
"No!" Carina had sat up straight and stared at her girlfriend as if she was crazy. "No, there's no way I'm letting you leave with him! We're going to keep you safe, you don't have to go if you don't want to."
"But… What if he hurts you? Or Lucy? Or Rose? I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you. It would all be my fault. He won't leave me alone and when he realises he can get to me through you…" Maya stretched out a shaking hand and put it on Carina's cheek. "I can't lose you, Carina."<
"And if you leave? You'll lose me! Your logic doesn't make sense."
"But it would be my decision. And you wouldn't be hurt."
"Of course I would be hurt!" Carina had sprung up and raised her voice, but immediately regretted it when she saw Maya shrink into herself. "I'm sorry, Bambina. I didn't mean to yell. But you have to understand that knowing you're leaving with him, after everything you told me about him… it will hurt me. I want you to stay here with me and your family. We can keep you safe. We want to keep you safe."

Maya sagged, seemingly all fight left her and Carina sat down next to her.
"He's not going to hurt anyone, Bambina."
"You don't know that."
"You're right, I don't. But I do know that he is not going to take you from me. I will fight for you. I'm not letting you go." Maya leaned in and kissed her.
"Thank you." She whispered, before kissing her again. "I don't want to let you go, either. The thought of losing you already is scary."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking about the situation.
"I don't want to hide away here, though. I want to go out and live my life. That's why I left in the first place. Do you think there's a way to get him to leave?"
"I don't know, Bambina. But we will find a way. And for going out, I don't think any of us will let you out of our sight anymore. I know you don't like it, but as long as it's not safe, you can count on someone coming with you, wherever you go." Maya did not look happy about it. She was a grown woman and should be able to go out alone. She grumbled, while shifting deeper in Carina's arms. Carina smiled and hugged her.

"I know, Bella." A yawn followed and it made Maya look up.
"Shit, baby you've come off a night shift, haven't you? Have you had enough sleep?" Carina's stomach swooped when Maya called her baby and smiled.
"It's okay, Bella. I can sleep later."
"Or you can sleep now. It's okay, I'll go to bed with you, I feel exhausted. Maybe we can meet up with Lucy later and talk things through."
"Yes, that's a good idea. Let's go then!" Carina could now really feel the tiredness. She's had a long night and barely got any sleep. Maya stood up and unceremoniously scooped her girlfriend up in her arms and carried her to the bed.
"Wow Bella, I didn't know you're this strong." Maya grinned smugly and carefully sat her down on the bed. Carina didn't let go of her hand and pulled her on the bed with her.

They cuddled into each other and while Carina fell asleep pretty quickly, Maya lay awake, her head spinning, her hands playing with Carina's hair. 

She couldn't lose her.
One way or the other.

Chapter Text

"Did you sleep at all?" Maya shook her head, her hand still playing with Carina's long hair. She must've felt her, because she hummed and hugged her tighter.

They were silent while Carina woke up fully and when she finally tried to sit up, Maya tightened her hold on her.
"Bella, I need to pee!" Carina mumbled and Maya let her go begrudgingly. She turns on her back and stares at the ceiling. Her chest felt tight and her head was full and pounding with a dull headache. She didn't know how to proceed now, but the one thing she did know was that she would not stay shut up here and hide away from Lane. She would live her life and she would keep her friends safe. Especially Carina, she would not let Carina get hurt. She would rather get hurt herself and…

"Bambina, are you hungry?" Maya jumped when Carina called out to her and was glad she didn't see.
"No!" She called back, before getting out of bed and followed Carina to the kitchen. Carina was searching for a snack in the fridge and kept grumbling under her breath.
"Maya, you have nothing to eat."
"Babe, I have plenty to eat." Carina grumbled, until Maya engulfed her in a hug from behind. "I can make you a sandwich, would that be okay?" A grumbled yes was the answer and Maya pressed a kiss to Carina's cheek and moved around the kitchen to make her girlfriend something to eat.

The thought of Carina being her girlfriend made her smile and a warm feeling was spreading in her chest.
"What's making you smile like that?" Carina asked when Maya gave her a plate and sat down next to her on the sofa.
"You!"
"Me?" Maya nodded and leaned her head against Carina's shoulder.
"I'm so lucky that we met and that you're my girlfriend. You're everything I never knew I wanted or needed and I'm so grateful." Carina put down the sandwich and swallowed hard. Maya could feel her stiffening up next to her and leaned back. She met Carina's eyes, scared she had gone too far. Brown eyes swam with tears and Maya didn't know what to do. Hesitantly she stretched out her hands and cupped Carina's face, running her thumbs under her eyes.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you…" The rest of her sentence was swallowed in an "umph" when Carina crashed their lips together.
"Thank you, Bambina. That was perfect!" She pressed another, softer kiss to her lips. "I feel that way, too. I'm so lucky to have found you, you make me so happy." They kissed some more, until Carina's stomach gave an angry growl and Maya pulled away chuckling.
"Eat Rina."
"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Maya nods.
"Yes, my stomach is in knots. I can't possibly eat anything."
"Oh, Bambina." Carina put an arm around Maya, pulled the blonde against her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. Then she starts eating with her other arm while playing with Maya's hair.

When she's finished, she sends a text to Lucy asking if they could talk. An answer comes in only minutes later.
"Lucy says we can come over whenever and that Rosy is there as well. Is that okay for you?"
Maya nodded. She had come to like Rose, they had a lot in common and maybe she had a different insight into the whole situation.
"Can we go now? I can't stay here doing nothing."
"Yes, of course!"

They walk over to Lucy's house hand in hand and Carina knocks on the door.
"Hey!" Lucy opened the door and gestured them inside.
Both took off their shoes and follow her into the living room. Rose came over from the kitchen, carrying four glasses and a pitcher of water.
"Sit, please." Lucy sat down on one of her sofas, Rose sitting next to her while Carina and Maya sat on the smaller one. Maya was fidgety, rubbing her hands together and moving her leg up and down rapidly. When Carina tried putting a hand on her knee to stop it from bouncing, she grabbed it and held on, but continued to bounce. She was more nervous here than she was when it was just her and Carina.

"Maya, do you want to stay here and continue to work for me?" Carina stiffened and opened her mouth to protest, but Rose shot her a threatening look. Maya nodded, her eyes firmly on Lucy.
"I do! I really want to stay!" Lucy smiled and nodded.
"I'm glad you do! And please if at any point you don't want to be here anymore, let me know. We'll find a way. I will not keep you here against your will!" She took a deep breath and continued. "Now, I know this situation is difficult, but we should talk about how we're going to proceed. I think the biggest question is what do you want? What do you need?" When Maya looked confused, she smiled. "I mean, do you still want to ride races? I think I can find a replacement if you…"
"No!" Maya interrupted. "No, I want to ride. I don't want him to have any control over my life anymore. I'm not going to hide away and miss out on things, just because he's here. I want to live my life like I wanted to when I came here."

"Okay." Lucy smiled and Maya did, too. She had calmed down a bit and her leg had stopped bouncing. "Do you think he'd actually come to the track and go after you?" Maya nodded, deflating slightly. This was it, Lucy would tell her it wouldn't work and that she had to leave. "Alright. I'll see if I can find a friend to help me with that."
"What?" Perplexed, she looked at Lucy, then at Carina.
"A friend of mine works for a security firm. I'll ask him if he can help us out with this. His name is Dean."
"Is that necessary?" Maya asked, hesitantly. Lucy nodded.
"It absolutely is. I cannot have something happening to you and this will keep you safe. I'll also have someone stay with the horses at all times. I will absolutely not have anything happen to them because of one stupid man." Her voice had risen and she was breathing hard. Rose put a hand on her shoulder and leaned into her. Lucy leaned against her, closed her eyes and turned her head to lean her forehead against her girlfriend's hair. Maya gripped Carina's hand harder and Carina stroked her thumb over her hand.

"I'm sorry." Lucy murmured, coming up from her girlfriend's head and breathing deeply. "I didn't mean to snap."
"It's okay." Maya said with a forced smile, but Lucy just shook her head.
"I'll give Dean a call and see if he can help us! I will also talk with all the workers to not let anyone in without checking the camera first. No strangers are allowed to come inside. If you leave, please make sure you're safe."
"I'll stay with her and go with her if she needs to leave the property!"
"Carina, no. I can't ask you to do that!"
"You're not asking me, I'm offering. I'll be here when I'm not working and we'll do things like grocery shopping together from now on!" Maya looked like she wanted to protest, but Rose cut in for the first time since they sat down.
"Let her do that, Maya. Let us help you, let her help you. It will make both of you feel better." Hesitantly the blonde looked from Rose to Carina and back, before sighing.
"Okay."

They stayed for tea and biscuits and left hand in hand.
"You really don't need to come with me every time I…"
"Basta!" Carina interrupted. "Stop arguing with me about it. I'm coming with you and that's the last I say about it!" When she saw Maya's pinched face, she sighed. She brought them to a halt and cupped Maya's face in her hands. "Please Bambina. Let me do this for you. I would feel a lot better knowing that you're not alone when you go out."
"I don't need anyone to keep me safe." Maya grumbled, trying to look away.
"I know that, Maya! I'm not saying you can't. I'm just scared and it would be more for my nerves than for you, okay?" Maya looked into her worried brown eyes, searching them.
"Fine!" Carina smiled.
"Thank you." She pressed a kiss to Maya's nose, giggling when she scrunched up her face and they continued walking.

"Can we take a walk? I don't want to sit around inside."
"Of course, Bambina! I'd like to change my shoes first, though!"

Chapter Text

They walked towards the fields with the foals, Maya needed a big round to settle down. Carina had taken her hand pretty much immediately after they left the house and Maya was thankful for it and for her. Her head kept running in circles, possibilities springing to the front one after the other.

"Look Bambina!" Carina brought her to a halt by a light tug on her hand and motioned to the field they've just walked by. A group of foals was playing, running around each other, rearing, bucking and having fun while their mothers grazed peacefully close by. Maya blinked. She really should pay more attention to her surroundings and not get so caught in her head. She watched the foals, feeling the tension slowly leave her body. She wrapped one arm around Carina and leaned into her, breathing deeply. Carina in turn put her arm around Maya's shoulders.

They stood there until the foals went back to their mothers for a drink, then continued their walk. Carina didn't force conversation for which Maya was grateful. They had gotten back to holding hands as it was much easier to maneuver around and they both enjoyed it. 

"I'm scared." Maya said suddenly. The sun was dropping down in the sky now and the pink glow reflected in both of their faces, but only Carina was able to see it, because Maya kept her face down. "I'm scared that he's going to hurt you or anyone else here. Or one of the horses. And it doesn't matter that I'm telling myself I should live my life and that he's not going to come after me, but I cannot help but think… What if he does? What if I'm the reason someone gets hurt?"
"I'm going to stop you right there." Carina brought them to a stop gently. "It's not your fault. It could never be your fault. He's the only one at fault if anything happens." Maya didn't look at her, so Carina put a finger under her chin and lifted it up. "It is not your fault." She repeated, putting some extra force behind each word. "And you can't push me away now. I'm your family now. Me and Lucy and Rose, we're all here for you. La tua famiglia." The faintest smile appeared on Maya's face and Carina moved her hand to her cheek, rubbing her thumb over her girlfriend's cheek. They both leaned in and their lips met in a soft kiss. "Ci sono sempre per te." Carina whispered when they've pulled apart and leaned their foreheads together. Maya smiled, even if she had no idea what Carina had said. They stood like that, soaking in the calmness for a few more minutes, until Carina shivered and they decided to go back. 

They spent the rest of the evening cuddled up, not really talking, just enjoying each other's company. Carina had work the next morning, so they went to bed early. Surprisingly they both fell asleep quickly, feeling exhausted from the emotional toll the situation had on them.

It was racing day.  Maya was incredibly nervous. Maybe even more nervous than the last time, because Carina couldn't be there today as she had to work. Lucy would be there and Dean, whom she had met for the first time yesterday. He was a big guy, but they got along alright. Lucy had organised extra security to look after the horses, while Dean was to stay close to Maya and make sure nothing happened to her. Maya did grumble about it, because didn’t like being treated like a child. A long (and heated) discussion with her girlfriend however made her give in and accept Dean. He was a quiet man, which she appreciated, she didn’t need to make unnecessary smalltalk.
“Maya, are you ready?” Lucy looked worried as well, but was obviously trying not to let it show.
“Yes, I’m coming!” 

After weighing in she went out to the show ring. Dean waited outside, as the ring was full of people anyway and they didn’t think Lane would try something in public. After some last minute instructions, Lucy helped her up on the horse and they were off. Maya tried really hard to only think about the race ahead, but it was quite hard. Cantering up to the starting gate, she concentrated on the movement of the colt under her, his strength and his will to go. It was this more than anything that could change her mind. She was here to prove that she could do it. To prove not only to Lucy, but also to herself that she could do it. Slowing down to a walk, she circled in front of the machine with the others.
“We got this!” She whispered and stroked the brown neck. She would show them!

And show them she did. In a neck breaking finish she came in a nose after the winner.
“Well done!” Lucy swept her up in her arms as soon as Maya was back on the ground. Maya grinned. Even if she only came second, Lucy showed her that she was happy with the result. ”You know,” she said, pulling back and smiling at the blonde, who smiled back at her, shyly, "I'm very proud of you!"

Maya did not win any races that day. She was a bit frustrated about it, because she wanted to prove herself even more, but Lucy seemed satisfied. The commentator did as well. He had called her someone to watch and Maya couldn’t help and grow a bit with pride.
“Hey, I’ll go back to the lorry and call Carina.”
“Alright! Dean will be right behind you, I just have to talk to him about something.” Maya waved to indicate she understood, then made her way to the lorry parking space. 

It had been a good day, she thought. There was still a lot to improve, of course, but she felt confident that it would get better. Because Lucy was on her side, they were training hard and Lucy kept telling everyone that they could expect great things. It made Maya proud, because by now she knew that Lucy wouldn’t say that just because. She really meant it. Thinking about it made her smile as she finally arrived at the lorry and opened the door to have some privacy.

“Hey!” She froze. All day she had been sure he wasn’t here. How wrong she had been. Maya was standing frozen, one hand on the door handle, one foot up on the stepladder. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” His voice was cold and harsh, but he wasn’t yelling. Not yet. The blonde took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and then turned around slowly to face her father.
“What do you want?” She asked in a slightly colder voice than usual, hoping that Lane couldn’t hear the slight tremble in her voice.
“I don’t think that’s any way to talk to your father, is it?” He growled, his face pinched in anger. Maya didn’t answer, just looked at him, every muscle pulled tight, alert to react fast in case this went south. Lane scoffed. “I was watching you, you know? And I must say… I’m disappointed!” It didn’t sting as hard as it usually did, but she couldn’t say that it didn’t affect her at all. She stayed silent, looking at the man opposite her. Her lack of reaction seemed to make him more mad. “I am disappointed. Four races and not one win. Not even in the easiest class. Come on Maya, I know you’re better than that!” He shook his head, trying to look sad, but failing. There were hard lines around his eyes and he looked threateningly. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, but you can stop now. I got it, you want to play in the big league. I will let you. But you have to prove that you can do it and what I saw today?” Lane shook his head again, sighing deeply. “I thought I taught you how to be a champion. I thought I taught you all the tricks you need to know to be the very best. I guess you were lured in by that Irish woman. She made you weak. You’re never going to achieve anything with her. We both know that. You should come back with me and I will make you a champion!” Maya had listened to him, clenching her jaw the more she heard. She stared at him, the familiar blue eyes staring back coldly, angry. They were so much different than Lucy’s, which were warm and understanding.
“You’re wrong.” She says, finally. Her voice is quiet, but she was not scared anymore. She was thinking about the family she found here. Lucy and Rose and Vic and Travis and most importantly: Carina. Thinking about them gave her the strength to stand up to Lane for the first time in her life.
“What did you say?” His voice was ice cold now, but Maya didn’t flinch.
“I said you’re wrong. Lucy has made me strong. She made me see what I can really do, without any ‘methods’. She is proud of me and she helps me to be the best version of myself. In these short months here I have learned more about myself than you could ever teach me. The people here are more my family than you are. I am staying here. I will not go anywhere and especially not with you!”

It happened in a flash and she was not fast enough to react. A hand wrapped around her arm tightly, she was yanked forward and stumbled a few steps. Maya could feel her father’s breath on her face and lifted her head to hold eye contact. She knew there was no use in trying to get free, even if the blood supply to her hand was restricted and it was getting numb. He would just grab her again. She was also not going to shout. This was between her and him, no one else.
“You will do as I say, or there will be consequences!”

“You will let her go, or there will be consequences!” Maya allowed herself to relax when she heard Lucy’s voice floating over to them. Lane didn’t let go, but turned his head. A moment later he was pulled away from her, the hand around her arm was removed and she stood frozen for a second, before rubbing her arm to get the blood flowing back into her hand. Lucy appeared in front of her looking worried, but Maya could see the quiet fury in her green eyes. It did not worry her, she knew it was not against her.
“Are you okay?” Lucy asked, her hands hovering as if she wasn’t sure whether to touch Maya or not. The rider nodded, let out a shuddering breath and moved her hand through her hair.
“Yes, I’m okay.” Lucy continued to look her over, before nodding slowly.
“Okay, good. Dean is going to get him kicked out and we’ll meet at the stable, load up the horses and leave. Get in, we’ll drive over.” 

They both got in the front of the lorry.
“Have you called Carina?” Maya shook her head. “Do you want to do it now?” Maya considered it for a second, then shook her head again.
“No. She’s at work anyway and it will just stress her out. I’ll talk to her later.” Lucy didn’t look convinced and as if she wanted to argue, but a look in Maya’s tired face made her stop. There was no need to push now, she had just gone through something that was possibly traumatic and who was she to tell Maya how to deal with it?

Lucy just hoped that Maya would talk to Carina later.

Chapter Text

Maya was running. After coming back from the track and taking care of the horses, she just quickly went home to change and then went out to go on a run. She had been running and walking for four hours. She just took a walking break, when her phone rang.
“Hey Carina.”
“Ciao Bambina. I'm at your house, where are you?”
“I'm just out on a run.” There was silence.
“And when are you coming back?” Maya stopped walking and looked around. She wasn't exactly sure where she was or how long it was going to take her to go back. “Bambina?”
“Uhm. I'm not sure. I don't know exactly where I am, so I don't know how long it'll take to go back. But I'm turning around now. I'll be back as soon as I can!”
“Don't stress yourself. I'll be waiting for you at home.”  

Home. Carina had called it home. And even if there was a little twinge in her gut about today, this felt like a warmth that spreaded through her belly and made her smile. She wouldn't jeopardize their happiness with today's story. It wasn't a big deal anyway. She was fine, everything was fine and she could deal with it on her own. There was absolutely no need to drag Carina into this mess. 

It took her nearly two hours to get back home and she was exhausted. She just wanted a shower and sleep.
“Ciao Bambina!” Oh right, Carina was here.
“Hey.” Her voice came out cooler than usual and when Carina came out to the hallway, she frowned.
“Are you okay?” She sounded worried and Maya couldn't stand it. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to crawl into bed and forget about today.
“I'm fine.” Maya tried sounding as convincing as possible. “I need a shower.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“Maya…”
“I'm tired, I just want to go to sleep.”
“Do you want me to leave?” She hates that Carina sounded hesitant and scared. She didn't want to hurt her, but she also couldn't say what she wanted. Maya looked at her girlfriend for a long time, then shook her head.
“No, I don't want you to leave.” It was the truth. She didn't want her to leave, she didn't want to be alone. That at least she was sure about. She wanted company, but silent company.
“Okay. I made dinner. Are you sure you're not hungry?”
“Yes. I'm tired.”
“One isn't exclusive to the other.” Maya stared and Carina held her gaze.
“I'm not hungry, Carina.” Carina obviously heard the bite in her voice and backed off.
“Okay, I'm sorry.”
“No, you don't have to be. I'm sorry. I'm just really not hungry. I'll take a shower.”
“I'll eat dinner, will you sit with me?”
“Yes, of course!”

Maya took a quick shower and was back in the kitchen just 10 minutes later. Carina had waited for her and Maya was scared she would ask about dinner again, but Carina merely smiled and got a plate for herself. Maya got herself a cup of tea and they sat down opposite each other.
“What are you having?” The blonde played with her tea bag and looked up at Carina, who was already chewing. Once she had swallowed, she answered:
“Pasta and pesto. I didn’t feel like cooking tonight.”
“Did you have any interesting cases today?”
“It was mostly standard stuff. Lots of vaccination, scanning mares and a few inseminations.”
“So the usual.” Maya grinned and when Carina saw, she grinned as well.
“Sì. How was your day? I couldn’t really watch, you were always on when I didn’t have time.”

“Oh, it was okay. I still couldn’t win.”
“I’m sure Lucy doesn’t…”
“Of course she doesn’t mind.” Maya interrupted. “But I do. I mind. I know Lucy is happy with me, she keeps telling me. But I’m not. I’m not happy with myself. I’m frustrated with myself. I want to be better. I want to bring out the very best in every horse. I could have won today if I hadn’t hesitated. It was only a few seconds. I need to be better. I need to trust my instinct.” She shook her head and sighed. “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?” Maya thought about Lane coming and finding and hurting Carina and it was not something she wanted to experience ever.
“Do you not want me there?” Carina sounded hurt. Of course she didn’t know why Maya felt uncomfortable with her being there. And it wasn’t that Maya didn’t want her to come. She just didn’t want her to get hurt.

“Of course I want you there. I’m just saying, I would understand if you were too tired and rather wanted to stay home.”
“I don’t. I would really much rather stay with you and watch you win.” Maya smiled and stretched her hand over the table, palm up and Carina grasped it.
“I want you to come, too. I love having you there for moral support.”
“I will give you as much support in any way you want!” She smiled a little cheekily and Maya felt herself blush and looked down at the table. Carina’s smile turned soft and she continued eating with one hand, rubbing soft circles on the back of Maya’s hand with her thumb.

When she was finished and put her cutlery down, Maya looked up.
“Are you finished?” She asked and when Carina nodded, she took the plate and quickly washed it. “Do you want to stay?” She hoped she did. She didn’t want to be alone tonight, even if she wouldn’t talk to Carina about the events of today. “You can sleep in tomorrow and come with Rose. We’re leaving at the crack of dawn.”
“Of course I’m staying. I’m way too tired to drive back home now.”
“My poor baby.” Maya smiled, coming up behind her girlfriend and hugging her from behind. She crossed her arms in front of Carina’s neck and Carina immediately reached up and stroked them. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Maya had her nose in Carina’s hair, breathing her in.

“Let’s go to the living room? Watch a movie?” Carina nodded and got up once Maya had let go of her. Once the blonde had sat down on the sofa, Carina laid down next to her, her head on Maya’s lap. With one hand Maya grabbed the remote and the other automatically started playing with her girlfriend’s hair. “What do you want to watch?” Maya asked quietly and she could feel Carina shrug.
“I don’t mind. Just no horror or action movies, please.”
“Okay.” She searched through the movies and settled on a rom-com. She sensed that Carina wouldn’t be able to stay awake for long anyway. Once she put away the remote Carina grabbed her hand and pulled it around herself. 

Soon she felt Carina’s breathing get deeper and slower. As she hadn’t really payed attention to the movie either, she just stared blankly at the screen, thinking about the day she had and the day that lay in front of her. She had to give everything she had and she couldn’t let her father’s words get to her. She was better than that. 

But she wanted it. She wanted to win so badly, it hurt. She wanted to show Lucy that it wasn’t wrong to believe in her, that she could do it. Even if everyone said that Lucy was perfectly happy with her, Maya told the truth when she said that she wasn’t happy with herself. She wanted to be better. And tomorrow she would have the perfect opportunity to prove that. Two of the four horses were in top form and if she made the right decisions, she could finally get that win. Or two.

As she had to get up early the next day, she decided that going to bed early was probably a good idea. Maya got up carefully to not wake Carina up. She picked her up, one arm under her shoulders and one under her knees. Thankfully Carina had already changed into comfortable clothes, so all Maya had to do was tuck her under the covers and press a kiss to her forehead. The brunette mumbled something, but stayed asleep. Maya smiled down at her fondly, then got changed and got into bed next to her. As if Carina had sensed it, she immediately rolled over and hugged her, one arm and leg thrown over Maya’s body. Maybe it was the added weight and pressure that helped Maya fall asleep soon.

Carina was putting on her jacket just when there was a knock on the door. She opened quickly and hugged Rose who had the motor running, ready to leave.
“Are you excited?”“If by excited you mean scared to death, then yes.” Rose chuckled lightly.
“Oh I remember. But she's good. She'll be fine.”
“I know! I'm still worried.”
“That's okay. It's normal to be worried. I was worried about Lucy all the time. But the best thing we can do for them is to support them. Be there for them. And that's what you're doing.” Rose smiled over at her. “How was she yesterday?”
“She was okay. She seemed a little off and went on a long run, was still out when I came home. But then she was okay. We talked a bit, watched a movie.”

Rose was silent for so long that Carina got worried.
“Rose, what aren't you telling me?
“What?”
“Didn't she tell you?”
“Tell me what?” She stared at her friend. “Rose!”
“Her father showed up yesterday.”
“What?”
“Yes. I don't know what happened, but he showed up in the parking lot, grabbed Maya and was talking to her when Lucy and Dean showed up and pulled him away. Lucy couldn't hear what he said, Maya didn't tell. We thought she'd talk to you at home.”

Carina sat in stunned silence.
“She didn't tell me. Why… Why would she keep this from me?”
“I don't know. I'm sorry, honey. But you should talk to her about it tonight.”
“Why tonight? I want to talk to her immediately.”
“And risk her getting hurt because she's distracted? I agree you have to talk to her, but please wait until after the races.”
“Good point.” Carina grumbled. “Okay I'll talk to her later.” 

For the rest of the drive she was stewing over why Maya wouldn't tell her about something like that. Didn't she trust her?

Chapter Text

“Listen to me, Maya.” Lucy gripped her thigh when Maya and her first ride were on the way to the track. The blonde had just seen Carina and waved at her. Carina looked troubled about something and Maya wanted to know why. Unfortunately that would have to wait  until after the races. She had three back to back, then a small break and then the last one. When Lucy touched her, she broke eye contact with Carina and looked down at her boss.

“I really don’t want to pressure you into anything, but if we could win this race I would be forever grateful” There was a joking tilt to her voice, but Maya knew she was serious. They had talked in length about her opponents and in this race one of Lucy’s biggest rivals had two horses running and she was determined to beat them. And Maya was determined as well. She had a good feeling with this horse. Nagyr had a great work ethic and had been exceptional in training.
“I’ll give my best. I promise!” She grabbed the hand on her leg and squeezed it.
“I know. You always do!” Lucy smiled, squeezed back and let her go, watching the horse and rider move to the track. 

Once Maya cantered up to the starting gates, her head was clear and she was solely focused on this race. There was nothing else in her head. She stayed away from the other horses while waiting to be loaded. 

After a fantastic start, she kept her horse on the outside of the group of horses. There were three going in front of her big group and she knew that at least one of them didn’t have the stamina to continue at the fast pace the others were setting. Maya held Nagyr back until the very last turn, then let him go and encouraged him to go faster. The horse stretched under her, she could feel him getting low and flat and fast. Soon she was in front of the bigger group and still gaining speed.
“That’s it.” She said to the colt, encouraging him to go even faster and he changed gears. She looked to the side and saw that they were head to head with the leader. “Okay, come one boy!” And he pushed in front of the other horse. Maya kept checking over, they were still gaining speed and taking over. A quick check behind showed her that there was no one coming from behind. Only a little further and they were home. The other horse was falling back, seemingly too tired to continue. One last stretch and they were over the finish line. Immediately she stood up, stroking the chestnut neck, then stretching a fist up in the air.

After the interview on the track and being brought back to get off the tack she couldn’t wait to see Carina and celebrate with her. But of course first, she was hugged tightly by Lucy, then was pulled to the winner’s ceremony and there were lots of pictures taken, lots of hands stretched out for her to be shaken and people who congratulated her.
Finally she saw Carina who waited more or less patiently (she was bouncing on her feet, ready to run to her) and ran towards her, jumping into her. Carina stumbled backwards, but managed to steady them both.
“Congratulations Bambina. I’m so proud of you!” The whisper in her ear made her hold on tighter.
“Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.” 

Maya has never been a big fan of PDA and she wasn’t comfortable with kissing Carina while every eye seemed to be on her, but the hug was everything she needed to keep her going.
“Thank you for being here!”
“Of course, I said I would be!” Maya smiled up at her, but frowned at the forced smile on Carina’s face.
“Are you okay?”
“Maya! Come on, you have to go!” She didn’t want to. Something bothered her girlfriend and she didn’t like it at all. But she had three more races to go.
“Go, I’m okay. I promise.”
“Okay.” Maya squeezed Carina’s hands one last time, then turned around to get on her next horse.

Carina was, in fact, not okay. Not only was she worried about Maya getting hurt, she was also mad for keeping things from her. She wanted to know why and she wanted to know it now. But she also knew that she had to wait. 

And so she did. She was happy that Maya won her race and did her best to show her. Turns out Maya knew her better than she thought and could see right through her. Rose touched her shoulder and she looked over at her friend, who smiled but it looked a little forced.
“Come on.”
Carina couldn't see it, but Lucy and Rose exchanged looks behind her back. Lucy looked inquiringly between the two of them, but Rose shook her head and motioned that she would explain later.
Lucy nodded, then made her way back to the presentation ring and Rose followed Carina down to the track. She looked at her friend, who was uncharacteristically quiet. Rose knew that Carina was feeling a whole lot of different things right now and she had no idea how to help her. At the same time she wanted to slap Maya around the head for causing this. It wasn't the fear of injury that worried her. It was the unknown. The question of the why. Why would Maya possibly keep something so important from her girlfriend, the one person she could and should confide in. So she could understand completely why Carina was so upset and even Maya's win couldn't make her as happy as it probably would've done under normal circumstances.

Maya came second in the next two races and now they were waiting for her last one. Her first listed race and everyone thinks she had a chance to win. Carina saw how nervous she was when she came out of the changing room and towards the ring. And what kind of girlfriend would Carina be, if she didn't do everything she could to make her feel better. 

“Ciao Bambina.” Maya looked over at her and some of her nervousness seemed to melt away. She looked at Carina's face with a soft expression and immediately walked over and grabbed the brunette's hand.
“Hey.” Carina pulled her in a tight hug.
“You'll do fine, Bella. I know you will be absolutely brilliant and I am already so proud of you.” She leaned back a little and held Maya's face as best as she could with the helmet on.
“Thank you. One kiss for good luck?” Carina chuckled and leaned in for one long, soft kiss.
“Go. Show them who you are!” Maya beamed and nearly skipped away, keeping their hands connected until the last moment. Carina looked after her, frowning. She didn't understand how Maya was so… normal after what happened yesterday. She seemed to be better at pretending than Carina thought. Maybe it wasn't even as bad as Rose had said. With a sigh she turned back to join her friend.

Only time would tell.

She won!
Two wins in one day!
Maya wasn't sure the grin was going to come off her face anytime soon. Nothing could spoil her happiness. She was sure even if Lane had turned up, it wouldn't have changed her mind. Now she couldn't wait to finally be alone at home with Carina to celebrate.

Back home her and Lucy helped bring the horses in, fed them and made sure everyone was alright. During the time her boss seemed a little cooler than she usually was, but when she asked about it, Lucy just said she was tired. Maya wasn’t sure she believed that. In the parking lot of the track she had seen Rose and Lucy talking and that was when the frowning had started. But, as it wasn’t really her business anyway, she decided to let it go. 

“Remember that you have the day off tomorrow. There’s no need to ask for work. I told everyone they’re not allowed to give you something. And please make sure you eat enough, I don’t need you dropping any more weight.”
“Yes, boss!” Maya gave her a salute and Lucy grinned a little, then turned around to leave. 

Maya picked up her bag, containing the trophies and the pictures, then chose the path up to her cottage. Today really turned out to be better than yesterday. In more than one sense.

When she reached the cottage, she saw Carina leaning against the door, looking at her phone. Maya frowned a little and thought that maybe she should just give her girlfriend a key to the place, so she can come in whenever she wanted. She’d have to speak to Lucy about this.
“Hey.”
“Ciao.” Maya smiled while opening the door, but Carina seemed a little out of it. Maybe she was just tired. She had a hard day of work, not enough sleep and then she was on her feet all day as well.

“Come on, let's have dinner and then we can rest.” Carina followed her silently, seemingly in her own head. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, fine.” She paused. Then: “No, actually I'm not fine. We need to talk.” Maya, who had put down her stuff and was on the way to the kitchen to start on dinner, paused.
“Okay. About what?”
“Come sit.” Carina gestured to the sofa and while Maya looked apprehensive, she followed. She had a slight inkling what this could be about, but hoped she was wrong.

“What do you want to talk about?” Carina looked at Maya’s hands and because she didn’t feel like getting touched right now, she took them between her thighs. The brunette followed the gesture with her eyes and let out a long breath. She decided not to beat around the bush and instead came straight to the point.
“Why didn’t you tell me your father came to the races yesterday?”

Maya stared at her.
“How do you know that?” She asked, a bite to her voice that Carina hadn’t heard often.
“Isn’t it enough that I know? You don’t even deny it. What happened?” She tried so hard to talk normally, not to raise her voice, because she knew that wouldn’t help the situation.
“Nothing happened. He came, we talked, he left. It was no big deal.” Carina saw how Maya now sat up straighter, making herself taller and her voice got, if possible, even colder and more snappish.
“You still could have told me! Even if it wasn’t a big deal.”
“I knew you would blow it out of proportion. And I was right, wasn’t I?” Maya wanted nothing more than to jump up and start pacing, but forced herself to stay put.
“You think I’m blowing this out of proportion?”
“Yes!” Carina glared and Maya glared and no one wanted to back down first. “Maya this is ridiculous. We’re in a relationship, we’re supposed to talk to each other. Why wouldn’t you talk to me?!”

“Because it’s none of your business!” Carina froze, she looked like Maya had just punched her. Maya looked taken aback for a second, but then her glare returned. “You don’t need to meddle in my private life and I don’t have to tell you everything that is going on.”
“You don’t mean that.” It was a hopeless attempt to save the situation. As if everything would be fixed when Maya said she really did not mean to say that. But she didn’t. She just continued to stare, her jaw clenched, her back straight as if she was about to go into battle, or holding back from snapping. “Okay.” Carina nodded to herself, finally looking away. “Okay.” She murmured, getting up and walking back to the door.

“Where are you going?” Maya asked and Carina couldn’t place her tone. She also didn’t care much right now.
“I’m leaving. You clearly don’t want me here and it seems like you don’t even care enough to realise that your business is also my business. That is how a relationship should work.”
“Carina…”
“Goodbye, Maya!”

And when the door closed behind Carina, there was a silence in the house that weighed heavier than anything Maya had ever felt.

Chapter Text

She had been hungry when she came home and was looking forward to a nice dinner with Carina. But now? Pretty much immediately after Carina had left, she changed and went out on a run. That was the only thing she could think of to stop herself spiraling. Even if she had been on a long run just yesterday and really there was no need to do one again. But what else should she do?
She couldn’t sit still at home and she sure as hell wouldn’t run after Carina.

Why did she have to meddle? Why was it any of her business if Maya’s father turned up or not. And anyway, the less she knew, the safer she would be. Maya was frustrated.
And so she ran.
And ran.
And ran until she couldn't stand upright anymore. She stopped, hunched over, breathing hard. 

She did not feel better. Usually, running would help her. But not today. Today she felt worse after running. She guessed that calling Carina would probably be the right thing to do, but Carina would want her to apologise and she had nothing to apologise for, did she?

She shook her head fiercely and dragged herself back home and under the shower. Maya didn't know what would happen between her and Carina, but she told herself that she didn't care. She didn't need Carina. Without her she could focus on her career, without any distractions. Maybe it would be for the best.

Carina didn't know how she got home, her vision was blurry when she finally opened the front door of the cottage.

“Carina?” She didn't hear the call, instead pulled off her shoes and jacket and angrily rubbed her eyes. “Carina, hey. What's wrong?” Only now that she was closer did Carina register the voice and looked around, startled. Rose was standing in the hallway, a worried expression on her face, Lucy stood a few feet behind her in the semi-darkness of the living room.

Her eyes filled with tears and she couldn't force them back anymore. Just when Rose reached her after rushing forward, a sob escaped her. Rose hugged her tightly, making shushing noises and stroking her hair soothingly. Carina clutched at her friend, crying openly now. She was more angry than sad, but both emotions exploded out of her now.

“Come on, love. Let’s sit down.” Rose was able to move them both to the sofa, settling Carina a little awkwardly on her lap, still holding her close. Carina calmed down, now breathing deeply, hiccupping and sniffing every now and then. She was oblivious to the looks her friends exchanged over her head. Finally, she pulled back from the hold Rose had on her and sat up next to her. It was too soft and she dried her eyes roughly with the edge of her sleeve. Her friends didn’t push, but waited until she had pulled herself together enough to speak.

“She said it’s none of my business and I shouldn’t meddle in her private life.” A sharp inhale to her right let her know that Rose had opinions, but she kept quiet. “I don’t know… I… That’s not how a relationship should work. It’s not how I know her. She was so cold and snappy.” She looked up when a tissue was dangled in front of her face and she took it. Lucy had sat down on her other side and Carina knew that she was itching to reach out and touch her. She was thankful she didn’t.

“And now?” Lucy asked and the question hung in the air for a moment.
“I don’t know. I left when she wouldn’t apologise for what she said. I couldn’t stay there, there was no talking to her.” She stared against the wall, then sighed. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where we stand. We will have to talk about it again, but I’ll wait until she tells me she's sorry and I feel like she really means it.”
“Do you think she will?” Carina shrugged, looking at Rose who had asked the question.
“I hope so. I don’t think there will be a future for us if she doesn’t.”

No one spoke for a while, they all were rather glum.
“I'm sorry for ruining your evening.” Carina broke the silence, but didn't look at either of them.
“You didn't ruin anything.” Lucy stretched out a hand, ignored her girlfriend's warning look and touched Carina's arm. She flinched and pulled away.
“I think I'll go to bed.” She said, sounding defeated.

“Have you eaten?”
“I'm not hungry.” Lucy chose to ignore the loud growl of her friend's stomach, knowing that she wouldn't be able to eat anything.

After a little hesitation, Carina decided that a hot shower before bed would be a good idea. She wasn't really sad anymore, but anger was boiling inside her and pushed out her appetite. She knew that not eating was not the best decision. The sick and heavy feeling in her stomach made her gag just thinking about food. She would eat tomorrow.

Dragging herself out of the shower and into bed felt a lot harder than usual. And of course she wasn't able to fall asleep, instead she kept tossing and turning. Thinking about all the things she should've said to Maya earlier. 

As usual answers came now, hours later. She was so angry and a little confused about what had happened.

The next morning Carina reluctantly dragged herself out of bed and into the kitchen for coffee. She barely slept that night and was absolutely exhausted. But animals needed her help and she couldn't let a private thing get in the way of work. 

She heard a door close down the hall, then the bathroom door opening and closing.
“Morning.” Lucy shuffled into the kitchen, yawning.
“Buongiorno.” Carina slid a cup of coffee over to her and Lucy took it with a smile.
“Did you sleep at all?” Lucy asked after blowing steam from the cup. Carina shrugged.
“Not really. Didn't expect to, really.”
“Are you sure you don't want to take the day off?”
“Yeah. Distraction will be good for me. Plus I have so many appointments, I cannot cancel them all.”
“If you say so.” Lucy didn’t look convinced at all. 

“I have to go.” Carina drained the rest of her coffee and got up.
“Have a good day.” Lucy said with a forced smile.
“Grazie, you too.” 

On the way out she checked her phone and saw a new message from Andrea. Hesitating for just a moment, she decided that he could wait. It was probably nothing and if she read and answered, she would probably be late. Locking her phone, she left the house and got into the car.

Chapter Text

Maya barely slept that night and decided around 4am that she would just give up. She made herself a smoothie, changed and went on a long run. Frustrated that she couldn’t go to work today, she pondered about what to do instead. She figured that going on a little exploration wouldn’t be the worst idea. She still had Carina’s bike. On the other hand, she shouldn’t be outside alone. Her father knew where she lived and she couldn’t count on him not waiting for her out there. A long walk around the field would be it. Maya really could not just just sit around inside all day. 

An hour later she was out with a rucksack containing a water bottle and an apple. One thing she didn’t count upon was the weather. She should have known better. The thin jacket she wore against the slight chill was not enough to hold off the rain and she was drenched in minutes. A string of curses left her mouth and she turned around immediately, walking back home. This was just perfect. The weather didn’t seem to clear up anytime soon, judging by the black wall of clouds. 

Still cursing, she entered her house and rushed to the bathroom where she peeled herself out of her wet clothes and stepped under the hot shower. She was frozen to the bones and stood under the stream for longer than she usually did. 

This gave her a lot of time to reflect on yesterday’s situation with Carina. It was not fair at all. 

Why did Carina need to meddle in her business?
Why did she have to go and destroy everything?
Why did Lucy have to talk?

Maya was sure that Lucy had told Rose, who had then told Carina. 

All she wanted to do was to protect her girlfriend from her asshole of a father and for that she needed her to not get involved. Maybe it was better like this. Lane could never know about Carina and if they broke up, she would be safe. She should've thought about this earlier. Right when she found out he was here. She never should've pulled Carina into it, should've broken up with her right that day. Never should've given into the comfort, because it meant putting Carina in danger. What kind of girlfriend was she to not keep her safe? 

Maya wasn't sure what she was feeling anymore. Was she mad at Carina? Mad at Lucy and Rose for talking? Mad at herself? Disappointed it had to come to that? Mad at her father? 

That definitely!

Finally coming out, warmed up, she pulled a towel around herself. her head spinning with thoughts. Scowling at the window she saw that it was still raining, so another run was out of the question. Even if her legs were itching to move.

She just thought that running in the rain might be worth it, when her phone rang. The sound was loud in the silence of the house and she flinched, before flying forward and grabbing the phone, hoping to see Carina’s name on the screen, even if she knew it was irrational.

Disappointment settled deep in her stomach when she saw Andy’s name on the screen.

“Hey Andy.”
“Don’t hey Andy me.!”
“Uhm.”
“I haven’t heard from you in days. You promised to keep me updated. What the hell happened?”

Maya sighed. Where should she even start?

“He’s here. He found me.” She sighed again and put her hand through her hair. Andy was silent. “He came to the stud and threatened me, but Lucy kicked him out. He then showed up at the race track and we got into an argument. Lucy got him to back up again. Yesterday he was not there, but…”

She stayed quiet for so long that Andy prompted her to keep going. “I… I didn't tell Carina about the second incident and she found out anyway. She’s really mad and she left me.” Maya could feel tears well up in her eyes and took a deep breath to stop them from rolling down. “She left me, Andy. I just… I wanted to deal with it on my own, but she said it’s also her business now we’re together.” She had told Andy about the relationship over text. “Why was she so insistent about knowing about it? She doesn’t need to know about anything. She needs to stay as far away from him as possible. There is absolutely no need.”

“Maya.”
“Really, as if she didn’t trust me at all. I can deal with him on my own and…”
“Maya.”
“I don’t know why she is meddling in my business so much!”

“Maya!” She broke off.
“What?”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Excuse me?”
“You are an asshole. Have you ever thought about Carina?”
“Of course I have!”

“I don’t think you did. You are in a relationship. That means you and her should go through things together. How would you feel if she kept something like that from you?” When Maya didn’t answer, she continued. “She is right. Your business is her business. She has the right to know about this stuff and she has the right to decide whether she wants to help you or not.”
“But…”
“No. That's what it's like to be in a relationship, Maya. You have to trust her.” There was a pause. “How would you feel if she kept something like this from you? You don't have to do everything on your own all the time.” Andy's voice was softer now and Maya chewed her lower lip in thought. 

She supposed that she would feel angry as well if she found out that Carina had been in danger and didn't tell her.
“I think you're right.”
“What?”
“You heard me.” Maya rolled her eyes.
“No, I don't think I did.”
“I said you're right. I wouldn't feel great either if I found out she was in danger and didn't tell me.” Resigned, she sat down on the sofa in her living room and moved her hand through her hair, sighing. “How do I make it up to her?”
“I would start with a sorry.”
“I'm serious!”
“I'm serious too! You'd be surprised how far an *I’m sorry* can get you.” Maya thought about this for a moment.

“I think in this case I need to do more. A simple *I'm sorry* isn't enough.”
"Are you going to be romantic?” Maya didn't answer.
“I have to go. I have to start planning!”

She heard Andy starting to say something, but hung up anyway.

Chapter Text

Carina has had another long, exhausting day. On top of her normal appointments, she has had several emergencies and she could not wait to go home and rest.
Unfortunately she was not sure she would be able to rest properly. The fight with Maya was still fresh in her mind. She heaved a big sigh, staring out of her car to the cottage. Rosie’s car was gone, so she was also alone tonight. Carina had hoped she would have company. She didn’t really want to be alone. With another sigh, she got out of the car and dragged herself to the front door, sorting through her keys.

When she pushed the door open, a delicious smell overwhelmed her. Frowning, she looked up, breathing in deeply. A light was shining from under the kitchen door. That was weird. The kitchen was facing the back, so no one was able to see it from the front. Did someone break in? But then why would they cook?

Phone in hand, she was about to call the police when she heard a clatter from the kitchen and a loud “God dammit!” followed by more curses and Carina froze.
That was not a burglar.
It was Maya!

She crossed the distance and opened the door. Maya was standing in front of the sink, holding her hand under the water stream, still muttering. At the sound of the door, she whirled around and stared at Carina, who stood rooted in the doorway, looking around. There were candles on the table and it looked like Maya was just getting everything ready. It was quiet in the kitchen apart from the still running water.
“Maya… What are you doing here?” This seemed to break Maya out of her trance. She turned off the water, took the dish that was discarded on the stove and placed it on the table.
“I came to apologise. And I felt like a simple “I’m sorry” isn't enough. So I made you dinner. I hope you will hear me out.” Carina looked from Maya to the table and back.

The blonde looked tense, standing there in front of the table. But when their eyes met, she saw a glimmer of hope in them. Hope and fear of rejection.
“This will not make it right.”
“I know!” Maya hurried to say. “But I want to take the first step. And then talk about it. Because I am sorry for the way I behaved and how I treated you. It was not okay and I am sorry. I want to make it right, if you let me.”
Carina studied her and finally nodded.
“Okay. Let’s talk.” A violent growl interrupted her. “Maybe after food.” She gave in.

Maya had made Carina’s favourite “Maya meal”. They often cooked for each other and both had a favourite dish that was made, whenever they needed it or when they felt like it. This obviously counted as such an occasion. Carina sat down slowly, looking around. Maya had left her kitchen clean and tidy, but Carina hadn’t expected anything else. The blonde was neat and tidy. Two small candles were on the table and Maya lit them, before putting a steak on each plate and sitting down. She hesitated and Carina knew she was thinking if she should give Carina vegetables and potatoes. The Italien decided for her and took some of both, Maya followed her lead.

They had never had a more awkward dinner. Carina focused on her plate, but saw in her peripheral vision that Maya was watching her. The blonde was also picking more on food than eating it. When Carina was finished, she was still having more than half her plate full of food. She sprang up, though, took Carina’s plate and her own and brought them to the sink. When she took out a container to put her leftovers in the fridge, Carina stood up and followed her.

“Maya.” She said quietly. Maya stiffened, but didn’t stop. “Maya, please stop. Let’s talk. I can do that later.” She saw the other woman slump a bit, then turn around and nod, more to herself than Carina. She took a deep breath and looked up at Carina. There was a vulnerability in her eyes that Carina has rarely seen before. Carina waited.
“I am so sorry, Carina.” Maya started, leaning against the kitchen counter and gripping the edge. “I am so used to doing everything on my own and not letting anyone help me. I have never had anyone on my corner and…” She paused her and shook her head. “My business is your business and I should never have said otherwise. You are probably the best thing that ever happened to me and my favourite person in the whole world. And yes, I wanted to keep you safe, but I should have given you the chance to decide for yourself if and how you want to be involved.” She looked at Carina steadily and the vet knew she was being truthful.

“Thank you for saying that.” Carina said quietly. Maya was still looking anxious. “I believe you when you say all that, but you heard me a lot. I thought we were going somewhere and that felt like… like you didn't actually want me in your life.”

“I do! I do want you in my life more than anything else. Like I said, you're my favourite person. I would do anything to take back what I said, but as that's not possible, I will do anything to make it up to you, if you let me.” They looked at each other. Carina was searching Maya's expression for any hints of untruthfulness, but there were none.
“Okay.” A smile broke out on Maya's face, but she tried to hold it back. “This doesn't mean it's all forgotten and forgiven.” Carina said, raising a finger in the blonde’s direction. Maya nodded.
“No of course. I know that. But maybe we can start slow? Go on a few dates and just… Build up the trust again.”

“That sounds good!” Carina smiled. “How did you get here, anyway?”
“Well, I talked to Rose and after she let me know what a horrible person I was, she allowed me to try and make it up to you.” She looked thoughtful into the room over Carina's shoulder. “She's very protective of you.” Carina nodded.
“Yes, she is.”
“I think it's good. You deserve someone to look after you.”
“So do you.” Carina said quietly, but Maya simply smiled, weakly.
“This is not about me, though.” Before Carina could say anything else, Maya's phone pinged. She looked down at it and frowned slightly. “Sorry. Uhm… Lucy is outside to pick me up. They're not allowing me to walk home on my own.”
“Good.” Carina said, before she could stop herself.

“Uhm… I’ll text you. Or you text me when you're free and…”“Breathe, Bella.” Carina had gotten closer and put her hands on Maya's arms. The blonde's breath hitched slightly. “You're okay. We will be okay. I'll text you my schedule and we'll definitely see each other on Saturday.”
“You'll come?”
“I wouldn't miss it for the world”

“How did it go?” Maya hadn’t even closed the door properly, before Lucy burst out the question. She couldn’t help but smile.
“It went really well!” She closed the door and put on the seat belt. “We’re not back to normal, but she agreed to give me a chance to make it right. She’ll text me her schedule and we’ll set up a date. Or I will. She deserves to be treated right and I haven’t been treating her right.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Lucy smiled and reversed out of the parking spot and drove down the road to the stud.

Over the next week Maya and Carina texted a lot and Carina visited the blonde a few times in the evening. Both wanted to take it slow, but both found it equally hard to stay away from each other. It was a touch here and a hug there, but both yearned to be close again. Maya held back, wanting Carina to take the first step and Carina was trying to protect herself from being hurt again. But it was getting harder every day.

“Carina?”
“Hm?” Carina blinked a few times and looked over at Rose who just entered the living room.
“Are you okay? I’ve been calling your name three times and you’ve been just staring into space as if it’s going to give you answers.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Carina said, looking down at her hands. Rose, who just came home and was actually going to ask if they should get take out, entered the room fully and sat down on the sofa.
“About what?” She asked softly, guessing what it was. Carina didn’t answer immediately, but seemed to think hard.
“Maya has been trying so hard. She’s been so good and has been treating me so well. And all I want to do is kiss her and cuddle her and hold her at night, because I’ve been sleeping so much better when I was with her.” She stopped herself here and Rose waited. When her friend didn’t continue, she gently asked her to keep going. “What if… What if I get my heart broken again? What if she falls back into old habits when I allow us to be close again.” Rose thought about this for a moment.

“But what if that doesn’t happen? What if you two just become stronger and better than before?” Carina made a little disbelieving noise and Rose smiled. “I have seen Maya trying. I talked to her when she first talked to you and I know she loves you.” That made Carina look up, spluttering a bit. Rose waved her away. “I know you haven’t said that yet, but it’s clear as day to everyone. She is giving everything. And to be honest, you should think if you still want to be with her. Because if you do, you have to give your everything, too for this to work. Carina stared at her now. Rose held her gaze, slightly defiant.

“I never thought I would see the day when you speak in defence of Maya.” Rose shrugged.
“She grew on me.” She said with a grin. “She cares about you. And you need someone who cares about you and takes care of you. So you don’t have to do everything by yourself.” Tears welled up in Carina’s eyes and Rose pulled into a hug. “Let her in.” She whispered. “She’s worth it. You two were so happy with each other and you will be able to get through this, too.” Carina nodded against her shoulder, then pulled back, wiping away the tears.

“Her race is tomorrow.” Carina suddenly sat up straight. “I should… I will go over and take care of her. Be there for her. She’s not doing it herself.” Rose smiled, because here Carina went and took care of people again. “I have to go.” She got up, then turned around and looked down at Rose, who gripped her hand and squeezed it. “Thank you, Rose.”
“No problem! Now go!”

There was still light on in Maya’s cottage when Carina arrived there. She knocked on the door and waited. When nothing happened, she knocked again, louder. Finally she heard movement on the other side of the door.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear… Carina?” Maya stood in the doorway, wearing sports clothes and looking hot and sweaty. She pushed a wet strand of hair out of her eyes and stared. “Did I forget you wanted to come over?”
“No. I just wanted to see you.”
“Oh.” Maya looked confused.
“Can I come in?”
“Oh. Yes. Yes, of course!” Maya stepped aside and let Carina enter, closing the door behind her.

There was a fire in the fireplace and it was boiling hot inside the room. Carina looked around and then at Maya with a raised eyebrow.
“What is going on here?” She asked and Maya looked sheepish.
“I’m working out for tomorrow. I’m nearly done, though.” She wiped sweat off her face with a towel and then turned to the corner, where she had set up some weights.

“Maya, please.” Carina didn't know why Maya wouldn't look her in the eyes and followed her. “Can you look at me?” The blonde turned around and fixed her eyes on a spot over Carina's shoulder.
“If you're here to break up with me, please just get it over with.”
“I… What?” Carina stared at her, very confused. “Why would I break up with you?” Maya shrugged.
“You can't even kiss me when we're together. I tried very hard, but if you can't forgive me that's okay. I'll let you…”
“Shut up.” Finally, blue eyes met brown. “I'm not here to break up with you. On the contrary. I'm here to tell you that I'm all in if you still want me.” Maya blinked, once, twice.
“Of course I want you! But are you sure?”

Instead of answering, Carina took Maya's face in her hands and kissed her, hard. Only when she needed air did she lean back and rested her forehead against Maya's.
“Does that answer your question?” With her eyes still closed, she could feel Maya nod against her head. Maya slung her arms around Carina's torso and moved her head to the crook of her neck.
“Maya, you're really sweaty. Do you mind taking a shower?” Maya grumbled, but moved back. “I'll wait for you here, okay?” The blonde nodded and turned around to the bathroom. Carina sat down on the sofa and waited for Maya, scrolling on her phone.
It took her only ten minutes to come back. She stood in front of Carina and looked down at her. The brunette stretched out a hand and pulled her down onto her lap. Maya's heart was racing, so Carina started scratching her neck with one hand, the other one splayed on her back.

They laid down on the sofa, Maya on top of Carina, breathing in her scent. Carina could feel her heartbeat slow and her breathing deepen. She just thought the woman had fallen asleep, when Maya spoke up but didn't move.
“I missed you. I missed this, us.” Carina held her tightly.
“Me too.” She whispered in blonde hair.
“I’m really sorry. I don’t…”
“Ssh, bambina. It’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” They stayed cuddled up like that for a few more minutes, then Maya wiggled around a bit and sat up.

“I should go to bed. I have a long day tomorrow.” Carina sat up, too.
“Right. When are you leaving?”
“9:30. It’s a late start, but a long day. I have four races. Including the qualifying for the Oaks.” Maya fidgeted with her fingers, only looking away from them when a hand covered hers. Blue eyes met brown ones.
“You’ll be fine, bella. I’ll be there with you.” Maya took Carina’s hand and kissed it softly.
“Thank you.”
“Always.”

“Can I stay the night? I miss you.” Carina’s voice was so soft that Maya barely heard it.
“Of course you can stay the night.” She leaned in to kiss the brunette, then stood up and pulled Carina up. She staggered a bit and Maya had to take a step back to keep them both upright. “Come on, let’s go. You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, it’s been a lot.”
“I’m so…” A hand on her mouth stopped her.
“No. Not your fault. Let’s go to bed.”

The next day started without a hitch. They got ready together and left for the stables. Lucy smiled widely when she saw them walk down from the cottage hand in hand. She did not say anything though and together they loaded up the horses, then left.

It was a two hour drive and while Maya and Jo unloaded the horses and got them comfortable, Lucy and Carina went to the office to get the official stuff sorted. They returned just as Jo started brushing over the horses.
“Maya is getting ready.” She pointed to the changing rooms.

An hour later Maya and Lucy stood in the presentation ring, ready for the first race. They were just going over the last instructions when the bell rang.
“Up you get!” Lucy threw Maya up on the filly, then turned around to face the crowd, looking for Carina. She couldn’t see her, but she did recognize another face that made her blood run cold. With a stoic expression, she turned back around and saw Carina on the other end of the fence.

Lucy waited until all the horses left, then walked over to Carina, trying not to hurry. She grabbed the vet’s arm and pulled her to the track, knowing she wanted to watch.
“What’s wrong?” Carina asked in a worried tone, seeing the expression on her friend’s face.
“He’s here!” Lucy hissed.

Chapter Text

Carina could feel her face drain of colour. She looked around, even if she didn’t know what he looked like.
“Carina?” Her head snapped back to Lucy. “Please, we need to make sure Maya doesn’t know until she is finished. I don’t want her to be distracted.” Carina nodded, even if she was unconvinced. “Listen Carina, I need her to be focused. I need her to be focused on her job, because if she isn't, it can cost lives.” With another short nod Carina showed she understood. She knew Lucy was right, but she also hated that she had to keep quiet.

Carina was glad that Maya did not have a lot of time between her races today. She did not think she could pretend that anything was okay when they saw each other. She gave Maya a smile whenever their gazes met though. Carina was not 100% sure how the day went and only vaguely registered that Maya won at least twice. The vet had not seen Lucy again, either. The trainer was too busy with her horses and the races, completely understandable. But there was a nervous energy in Carina that made her more jumpy than she usually was. She stood at the rails, waiting for Maya’s next race to start. A man pushed himself between her and the person next to her. He didn’t even apologise for pushing, just sent a nasty glare at the other person when they complained. Carina wiggled around until she had enough space to stand comfortably at the rails. She could hear the man mutter something, but didn’t pay more attention to it. Instead she watched the race on the big screen. She knew that there was only a small chance of winning this one. It was the horse’s second race and they wanted to get him out there for experience. Carina still hoped for the best. She knew that Maya was a very good rider, who could bring out the best in the horses.

Maya came in fifth out of seven. It wasn’t bad, but Carina knew that she would not be happy about it.
“I knew it!” The man next to her muttered, hitting the rail with his hand. Carina didn’t pay any attention to him at first, but when she heard her girlfriend’s name she tuned in. “Oh Maya, don’t you see that you’re not going to make it here? If only you would let me take you home!”

And suddenly Carina knew who he was. Maya’s father. He was shaking his head, clearly disappointed.
“Excuse me?” She asked, feeling the anger of the last few days bubble up inside her. “Yeah. That girl, she’s my daughter and completely useless, may I add, and she could have been so much more successful if she would just listen to me! Instead, she claims I would hold her back and that I was apparently too harsh. Well maybe she was just too weak. Anyway, I told her to come home and for some reason, she prefers to be stuck here. What is she doing, hm? Riding a few subpar horses.” He shook his head and Carina wasn’t able to stay quiet.

“Brutto stronzo! Come cazzo ti permetti?! Maya is doing amazing here. She does not need you, or anyone for her success!” The man looked at her, perplexed. He had hard features and cold eyes, blue like Maya’s but lighter and not as warm and welcoming.
“And who are you to think you know my daughter better than me?”
“I’m her girlfriend.” The man’s face turned into a nasty sneer.
“Girlfriend? I don’t think so. My Maya would never be a dyke!” He seemed to be getting angry now. But Carina did too.

“ Pezzo di merda. Cosa hai appena detto?!” Carina was throwing up her hands, angrily.  
“I am her girlfriend and I would advise you not to use that word anymore.” They were facing each other now. Carina was vaguely aware that people around them were staring, but she did not care. She was determined to protect her girlfriend. “Maya has got a life here. She is on her way to make herself a career. She has friends and a better family than you ever were for her. She does not need you or your so-called “help”. She’s stronger than you will ever be. Don’t you dare come near her ever again, let her live her life in peace and go back to where you came from. She doesn’t want or need you here! You’re a pathetic man, who needs to control others to feel strong. It’s pathetic. I would feel sorry for you, but I can’t feel sorry for losers. This is my first and last warning. Stay away from her!” She had raised her pointer finger up and pointed at him, breathing heavily. It seemed she had momentarily rendered him speechless. She huffed when he didn’t react and turned around to go back and find Lucy, muttering under her breath: “I don’t have time for this shit!” She had more important things to worry about.

“Are you okay?” Lucy looked inquiringly at Carina and the vet shook her head, her jaw clenched.
“I had a run-in with Maya’s father.” Lucy, who’d been looking around for Maya, snapped her head back to Carina.
“What? What happened? Are you okay?” Carina waved her hand.
“Sí. I let him have a piece of my mind.” Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but the look on her friend’s face made her change her mind.

“Are you going to tell Maya?” She asked when they were walking back to the lorry two hours later. When Carina shrugged, she took her arm and stopped her from walking. “Carina.” She said seriously. “You two just had a fight, because of secrets. Don’t let it start another one.” Carina didn’t answer, just clenched her jaw. “Carina. Please.”
“Okay. I’m thinking about it.” That was better than nothing.
“Thank you.”

Maya had not seen her father and felt happy and proud about her wins. She hugged Carina tightly and even gave a short hug to Lucy. Carina seemed a little stiff and withdrawn, but when she asked, her girlfriend just shook her head and smiled. The smile did not reach her eyes.
“Carina?” She held her girlfriend back before she could enter the lorry.
“I’m okay.” Carina leaned down and kissed her softly. “I’m just really tired. It’s been a long day.” That was true. They had left at 5 am this morning and Carina had not gotten enough sleep last night.
“Okay. Then let’s go home, so you can rest.”

The whole drive home Carina pretended to be asleep, but really thought about what, if and when to tell Maya. Lucy was right, she shouldn’t keep secrets. But she was not sure how Maya would react to her telling off Lane. Would she be mad? Would they fight again? Would Maya break up with her?

“Carina?” She jerked up, looking around wildly. Apparently she had fallen asleep after all. “Hey baby, you’re okay.” A warm hand settled on her cheek and Carina leaned into it intuitively. Her eyes settled on Maya’s blue ones. “Bad dream?” Carina shook her head.
“No, I just got startled.” She took Maya’s hand in her own and pressed a kiss to it. She got up and followed Maya out. “Are you finished already?”
“No, we have to clean up. But you can go to my house already, take a shower, pick a delivery service. I’ll be there in a minute.” Maya got on her tiptoes and kissed Carina’s protests away, giving her a slight push towards her house.

It was a little more than half an hour until Maya appeared, stole a kiss and also went to get a shower. In the meantime Carina went outside again to pick up the food at the gate. They had dinner mostly in silence, just talking vaguely about plans for their next shared day off.

After they brought the trash out, Maya pulled Carina back to the sofa and laid down, Carina on top of her. She stroked her hands over Carina’s back , drawing patterns with her fingers. She wanted to ask her again what happened earlier, but decided to let Carina come to her if she wanted to.

“I saw your father.” Maya froze. The thoughts in her head started spiralling immediately.
“Did he hurt you?” She asked, her voice laced with worry. To her surprise, Carina laughed.
“No. He didn’t. But I think I hurt him.” Maya moved backwards, ignoring Carina’s whine at the loss of contact.
“What? What happened?”
“Well…” Carina didn’t look at her, instead choosing to look at her hands. Maybe that was the reason she wanted to lay down. She sighed. “He was being stupido and rude about you. And he was standing next to me. So I told him off.” She shrugged a little. “I’m pretty sure I told him he’s a fucking idiot. And… I…” She fell silent. “I couldn’t stand him talking about you like that.”
“Did you defend my honour?” Carina could hear a grin in Maya’s voice, but didn’t look up, just shrugged. “Baby…” A hand took Carina’s. “Baby, can you look at me?” Slowly Carina lifted her head and looked at Maya, who smiled. “There she is.”
“You’re not mad?” She hated how weak her voice sounded, but couldn’t look away from Maya’s face.
“Of course not!” The blonde raised her free hand and cupped her girlfriend’s cheek. “No one ever stood up for me.” Maya leaned in and kissed her softly. “No one. So no, I’m not mad at you. I wished you never met him, because I was scared he’d hurt you. But I should have known he could never intimidate you, because you are a force of nature.” She took Carina’s face in her hands and touched her nose to her girlfriend’s. Carina looked down, blushing slightly and looked up and pressed a kiss to Maya’s lips.
“We’re good?” She asked quietly.
“We’re perfect!” Maya responded and kissed her again.

“Aren’t you scared he was there again?” Carina asked after a few moments of silence.
“Not really. I feel good that you guys have my back. I know Dean was around somewhere. And I’m done being afraid. I won’t give him more power over my life.”
“I’m proud of you!” They shared another kiss, because Maya didn’t know what to answer.
“I just hope he leaves soon. He should realise I’m not coming back.”
“I think he will. If he has any sense.” Maya snorted. Her father never had much sense.
“I guess we can always hope, right?”

They settled down again, enjoying each other’s presence, holding each other close.
“Can we watch a movie?” Maya asked after half an hour, not used to the quiet and not super comfortable with it.
“Yes, of course. What do you want to watch?” Carina sat up. To her surprise Maya didn’t look at her, but instead looked down and played with the edge of her pullover. “Do you want to watch Secretariat?” Maya nodded.
“I know it’s a kid’s movie, but… We don’t have to watch it.” She was broken out of her worrying with a kiss, then Carina got up to turn on the TV.

“Come here, bambina.” Maya snuggled up to her and they watched the movie together, feeling at peace with each other.

Chapter Text

They didn’t hear anything from Maya’s father for the upcoming week.
“I think he might’ve actually left?” Maya mused when they were riding back from the track after training. “Maybe his plane crashed.” Lucy turned around and shot her a look as if to say don’t joke about that, but Maya just shrugged. It didn’t really matter to her anymore.

She was getting ready for her next horse when her phone rang. Frowning, she saw her mom’s contact on her screen. She was so confused that the call went to voicemail, but her mom called again immediately.
“Mom?” A sob was the first thing she heard. “Mom, what happened?” Another sob.
“Maya… Maya, it's your father. He…” She seemed to try and pull herself together. “He died this morning.” Maya felt all the air leave her lungs and she couldn’t speak. “Maya? Are you there?”

“Yeah. Yeah I… What happened?” She wasn’t sure how her voice sounded so calm.
“He was trying to lead one of the colts and he acted up. Hit your father on the head. He didn’t want to go to the hospital and then this morning he just broke down and died. The doctors said he had an aneurysm and it burst.” Maya had to bite her tongue not to say he deserved it.
“Oh.” was what she said instead, not trusting herself to say anything else.
“Oh? Is that all you’re going to say?” Her mom asked, sounding confused.

“What do you want me to say?” She asked, putting the phone between her shoulder and her ear to put the saddle on the horse.
“Something other than oh? He’s your father after all.” Maya let out a snort.
“Yeah right!” Maya rolled her eyes. “Look, mum I’m at work. I’ll call you later, okay?” And without waiting for an answer she hung up. She wasn’t really sure how to feel about it. There was sadness in her, but there was anger as well. A lot more emotions were raging inside of her brain and she had to shake her head to clear it.

“Let’s go, hm?” She put the bridle on and took a moment to compose herself and then left the stable. She met the lot in the main yard and jumped on Yuman. She would ride him in a listed race on the weekend which she was really looking forward, too.

“You’re late.” Lucy said to her when she rode next to her.
“My mom called me. Apparently my father died and…”
“What?” Lucy actually stopped her horse and looked at Maya. Maya stopped as well
“Yeah. He got kicked in the head by a horse and didn’t bother to go to the hospital. And then he died.”
“Oh my God, are you okay?”
“Yes. I haven’t been thinking about it too much. But I don’t want to stop working or anything, please. I need to distract myself as long as I can.” Lucy levelled her with a look that Maya held until her boss nodded.
“Okay, fine. But if at any point it gets too much, you’ll tell me, okay?” Maya agreed immediately. “And tell Carina, please.” Just a few weeks ago Maya would have shut down and not bothered to do it. Now though she knew how much strength she could pull from her girlfriend. So she didn’t wait long after she took care of Yuman to pull out her phone. She contemplated texting, but decided a call would be better.

“Ciao bambina! Are you alright?” There was the slightest bit of worry in Carina tone, which didn’t surprise Maya as she usually didn’t call during the day.
“Hey love. I’m okay. I just…” she moved a hand through her hair to loosen it up a little. “I got a call from my mum earlier and… She told me…” She swallowed.
“What? What happened, Maya?”
“My father died.” There was a heavy silence on the other end.
“Carina?”
“I’m processing.” Maya let her while went to her next horse.

“He’s really dead?” Carina asked after a few minutes of silence. Maya nodded, before realising that Carina couldn’t actually see her.
“Yeah, he is. He got kicked by a horse and didn’t go to a doctor.” She sighed.
“And how are you?” Carina sounded worried, but hesitant as if she was scared of her reaction. Maya didn’t like it and made a promise to herself and Carina to never make her feel like she can’t talk to her.
“Surprisingly okay.I think it might hit me later, but right now? I’m mostly relieved it’s over. That he can’t take me away and he cannot hurt anyone ever again.” Humans or animals, she added in her head.
“Do you want me to come over later?” Carina asked with worry in her voice.
“Only if you want and have the time.”
“I always have time for you, bambina.” Something fluttered in Maya’s chest at the words, but she didn’t want to name it, yet. “I’m coming for Clara anyway. Maybe we can go on a ride together.”
“Good idea! I’ll ask Lucy.”
“Okay. See you later, be safe bambina.” Maya smiled.
“I will. See you later!” There was a heavy pause on the other end of the line and Maya as well paused before hanging up. Shaking her head she quickly got her next horse ready.

“Did you call Carina?” Lucy asked almost sharply when they met in the courtyard after their last lot. Maya had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.
“Yes I did. She’ll come by later for Clara and maybe we could go on a ride together.”
“Yes, that’s a good idea. You can take Duke if you want. I’m busy this afternoon and wouldn’t be happy to give him to someone else. He doesn’t like a lot of people and Natasha has never ridden him before.”
“I’m happy to take him!” Maya assured her, smiling.

The rest of the day went by quickly and soon she was out in the field to get Duke.
“Hello handsome.” A soft smile on her face, she took him to his stable so he could pee before they went out. In the meanwhile she got his tack ready.

“Ciao bambina.” Carina greeted her with a kiss and a hand on her cheek.
“Hey baby.” Maya smiled into the kiss and pressed another, shorter one to her girlfriend’s lips. Carina’s arms came around her in a tight hug that Maya returned.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Carina asked, their foreheads pressed together. Maya sighed and nodded.
“Yes. I’m okay.” She moved away from the hug after she pressed another kiss to Carina’s forehead. “I have Duke inside already. I’ll wait for you.”
“Yes you better do.” The brunette grinned and gave a playful slap to Maya’s ass which resulted in a gasp from her girlfriend.

They left 45 minutes later, both laughing at a joke Carina had just told.
“Where do you want to go?” the brunette asked, still chuckling. Maya shrugged.
“I don’t actually know a lot of trails yet, so you choose.” Carina grinned, mischievously.
“Let’s go then signora!” They left the grounds through the back gate, Maya getting off to open and close it. Carina took them to trails Maya had not been to before. They trotted and cantered a few times and Maya felt free for the first time today.

“How are you really?” Carina asked after a stretch of silence. Maya felt like she had worked up the courage to ask for a while.
“I’m okay. I have not yet had time to process the whole thing properly. It feels unreal. I’m mostly relieved right now. Because he can’t hurt me or anyone else ever again, you know?” She repeated what she said earlier. Carina didn’t look convinced. Maya sighed. “Carina, my father was not a good person. I feel sorry that he died, yes. But I also feel relieved. It’s as if I can finally start to live the life I want. Without his shadow looming over me.”

Her girlfriend looked sceptical. “Carina please.” Maya sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you to get you to believe me. Just trust me?” Carina locked eyes with her and finally nodded. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you.”
“I know that. I’m not mad. I know you mean well.” The corner of Maya’s mouth lifted up in a grin and Carina followed.

They rode in silence for 10 minutes when Carina’s phone pinged.
“Merda!” She cursed after looking at it.
“What happened?” Maya asked worriedly.
“Paul is sick. I have to take his night shift.” Carina pulled a face. “Ugh. I was looking forward to a night off.” She looked at Maya apologetically. “I’m sorry bambina.”
“It’s okay. Let’s go back?”
“Yes. I’ll try to get a bit of sleep before the first call.”

They were back half an hour later and Carina refused Maya’s offer to take care of Clara. It took her another 30 minutes until she was ready. Since she didn’t have anything with her, she went home for her sleep, packed the car before that and put out clothes to change into.

Maya on the other hand was faced with a whole evening alone. Even if she had told Carina and Lucy that she was okay, she now felt herself spiraling. Her brain was running in circles and she didn’t like it at all. She was pacing her living room, biting her fingers, fighting back the thoughts that were blaming herself for this.
She couldn’t stay here.
She needed to go out.

She had a shower after she came home, so now she just changed into different clothes, grabbed her keys, phone and purse and left. She was lucky that her house was one of the closest to the gate, so she wouldn’t be seen. The way to the pub wasn’t super long and soon enough she sat at the counter and was nursing a whiskey.

It didn’t stop at one though. Four whiskeys in she thought that maybe should’ve stopped earlier, because she was now more than a bit tipsy. But she also wanted to forget, so maybe it was just the right amount.
“No more drinks for you.” The barman said when she opened her mouth to order another one. When she frowned at him, he sighed and placed a glass of water in front of her. “Is there someone who can pick you up? You shouldn’t walk home alone.” Maya thought, then nodded. There was no way she was calling Carina. Her girlfriend was either sleeping or working and didn’t need to come and pick her up. Lucy was out of the question as well, she couldn’t call her boss when she was drunk like this. Still frowning, she took a sip of water. That meant there was only one person left to call.

Fumbling with her phone, she found Rose’s contact and pressed call.
“Maya?” She answered on the second ring and Maya could hear the frown in her voice. Clearing her throat, Maya started speaking.
“Rose? Can you pick me up?” There was a short silence.
“Are you drunk?” Rose asked, somewhere between worry and amusement.
“Mhm.” Maya was getting tired now, she leaned heavily on the counter.
“Are you at the pub?”
“Mhm.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Don’t move.” Maya nodded and frowned at her phone when it beeped.

“Someone gonna get you?” The barman asked and Maya nodded again. All her energy seemed to have left her body now. “When are they here?”
“10.” Maya mumbled, sleepily. The counter and her arm were actually very comfortable.

She must’ve dozed off a bit, because she was startled when a hand settled on her back.
“Maya. Come on, let’s go.” Maya blinked a few times and looked up at Rose who stood next to her. She struggled a bit to get up, but Rose steadied her.

Maya wouldn’t be able to tell you how exactly she got home. She just knew that she was deposited on a very comfortable sofa and given a blanket. She was only allowed to go back to sleep after she drank a glass of water.

Her sleep was not a restful one. She was flung from one nightmare to the next, but couldn’t wake up. Her father was in them a lot, sometimes yelling and insulting her, sometimes sneering quietly. It was only when someone shook her shoulder and said her name, that she nearly jumped up with a yelled “NO!” Lane had just threatened to hurt Carina and she couldn’t let that happen.

“Maya. It’s alright, you’re alright!” Rose was kneeling in front of her. “It was just a dream.” Maya looked around and realised where she was. Her phone lit up on the coffee table. Her mum had called her 6 times.
“Oh fuck.” She mumbled, unlocking her phone and scrolling through the messages.
“What?” Rose asked, cautiously, sitting down next to her and offering more water and a painkiller. Maya took the water, but refused the pill.
“My mum… She needs help. I gotta go.” She stood up, trying to locate her clothes that had11 mysteriously disappeared. “I gotta go to the airport. I have to fly home.”

Chapter Text

“What? Maya, hold on!” But Maya wasn’t listening. She got to her feet very unsteadily and nearly fell over if Rose hadn’t steadied her. She now realised that she had not slept on a sofa, but a twin bed. “Let’s sit back down.” She was guided into a sitting position and sighed deeply. Her head was pounding and maybe she should have taken the offered painkiller. As if reading her mind, Rose held it out again. Maya looked up at her and took it.

They sat in silence while Maya willed the room to stop spinning.
“I really do need to go home though. I cannot let my mum deal with everything on her own.”
“Are you sure? Are you sure that this is not just a plot to get you home?” Maya shot her a disbelieving look.
“Yes, I'm sure. My mum is not that good an actress. She was really devastated.”
“Okay.” Rose nodded and sighed. She understood that Maya wanted to leave and help her mother, but she did not like it. “But you have to talk about it with Carina. Before you do anything else. Call her and tell her. You can't just up and leave.”
“I know.” Maya took a deep breath. Her head had stopped spinning and she felt confident that she could stand without getting dizzy. She picked up her phone again, a deep frown set between her eyebrows.

“Maya?” Carina sounded exhausted and Maya thought that she probably just got into bed after a long night.
“Hey. Uhm…” She moved a hand through her hair and sighed. “Carina, I have to go to the states for a few days. Maybe weeks, I don't know. I have to help my mum with everything.” She heard shuffling on the other side and could imagine Carina rearranging herself in bed and heard her sigh.
“Yes. Yes I thought you might have to. When are you leaving?” Maya was a little surprised about the lack of argument, but didn’t say anything about it.
“I don’t know, yet. I have to look for flights.” There was a pause between them and Maya could feel Carina hesitating.
“Can you come here before you leave?”, she asked, her voice quiet and tentative.
“Yes, of course! I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

They talked for a bit longer and Maya promised to let her know when she found a flight. In the meantime Rose had gone to the kitchen to make breakfast, telling Maya to come once she was finished.
They ate breakfast in silence, Maya scrolling through flights while Rose was texting Lucy, updating her about the situation. Her girlfriend promised to come inside as soon as possible.

“Did you find something?”, Rose asked when Maya stopped scrolling and started tapping.
“Yes, tonight at 8:30. I'm just looking for a bus to Dublin.”
“A bus? Why do you need a bus?” The confusion in her voice made Maya look up.
“To get to the airport?”
“Why? I can bring you?”
“I cannot ask you to do that!”
“You're not asking, I'm offering. Let me do this. It's so much quicker and easier. This is stressful enough already.”
“Are you…”
“Yes, I'm sure. You get ready, we leave at 3.”

The rest of the morning was spent packing and talking to her boss about some time off. Lucy told her to stay as long as she needed, they would have everything under control here.

Maya and Carina had texted once the brunette woke up again and Maya had told her they would be at her house around 3pm.

Rose helped her put her stuff in the car and they drove over to her and Carina's house. Carina waited in front of the door. She was wearing sweatpants and an oversized pullover and looked adorable. Maya crossed the space between them quickly and hugged her tightly. They didn't say anything, just held each other close. Only when Rose cleared her throat, did they separate.

“We have to go.”, she said quietly and Maya nodded. Carina cupped her face with her hands and pulled her in for a kiss.
“Let me know when you arrive, okay?”
“I promise!” They shared another kiss, then Maya forced herself to step back and walk back to the car. There were tears in her eyes and she forced herself not to break down crying while Rose pulled out of the driveway and onto the road.

Rose didn't say anything for a good 10 minutes, before she broke the silence.
“You're really good for her, you know? I know I was apprehensive about you in the beginning, but I'm glad you two found each other. You make her life a lot better.” Maya couldn't help, but blush.
“Thank you.”, she whispered, wiping away a tear. Rose pretended not to notice.

Maya looked out of the window for a while, watching the green landscape fly by, thinking back to the first time she drove this route in the other direction. Towards Galway with Carina. It felt like another time. It also felt like she was another person.

Eventually Rose asked about her family and she sounded cautious about it, but Maya gladly told her about her mum and her brother. They moved from family to friends and that reminded the blonde to send a text to Andy to let her know she was coming. She had arranged with her mum that her brother would pick her up at the airport.

They arrived at the airport half an hour later and said goodbye at the gate. Maya promised to text when she had arrived and when she needed to be picked up again. Because they both knew she'd be coming back. She would not use this as a way to run away. She had come too far to back down now.

This was her home. It was more her home than the place she was flying back to ever was.

With a smile she looked out the plane window as it took off. She didn't know what would happen in the states, but she knew that she had a place to come back to. And people to come back to.

Her chosen family.

Chapter Text

Maya sent a text to Carina as soon as she got off the plane, then another one to her brother. He answered that he was already waiting outside. After she got her luggage, she went outside and looked around. Mason stood close by, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked stoic and when she came closer, he just got in the car without helping her or even saying hello. Maya frowned, put her bag in the boot and got in the car.
“Hello Mason.” Mason gave a little grunt that could’ve been interpreted as a hello. Maya’s frown deepened. “How’re you feeling?” She asked and cringed a little, because how was he supposed to feel? Mason snorted, shook his head and clenched his hand on the steering wheel.

“Fine.” His voice was tight, as if he was trying to speak through clenched teeth. “If you hadn’t run away, none of this would have happened!” He looked and sounded so much like Lane in this moment, that Maya flinched and stared at him.
“What do you mean?” Her voice sounded a lot more steady than she felt. Her stomach was clenched tightly and she tried breathing deeply. The car stopped at a red light and Mason turned to her.
“After you left, everything went to hell. You were always his favourite. The golden child, so to say. He never saw me like that. But when you were gone, he just flipped. It was worse than before and nothing anyone did was good enough. He was so angry. Constantly. He was yelling at everyone and didn’t understand why you would leave. Why did you leave?” They held eye contact until a honk from behind startled them apart. Mason continued driving and the silence was heavy between them. Maya tried to find the words to explain without it sounding like excuses.

“I used to be proud to be his favourite. But the longer it went on, the worse it got. I was under constant pressure. All day, every day, no matter what I did or tried. There was always something to improve and when I didn’t do it exactly the way he wanted… Well, you know what happened.” She sighed as they both remembered the evenings of either silent treatment or screaming and throwing things. “The day before I left we argued, because he wanted me to ride harder and told me to stop being a pussy. You know what he was like. Always using shortcuts for everything and…” Maya shook her head, not wanting to get into it. “He cornered me against a wall and punched me in the ribs. When I tried to leave, he held me back by my hair and threatened to hurt me if I didn’t do exactly what he said. So I left. All I could think of was getting out alive and making a better life for myself.”

The silence between them was heavy. Maya didn’t have anything more to say and Mason seemed to be thinking about what she told him. They pulled into their parents’ driveway five minutes later and that’s when Mason turned around to her. His face had changed, he looked softer and younger than half an hour ago.
“I’m sorry, Maya.” They looked at each other. “I always just thought about how much attention you got, but not how hard it was on you. I didn’t… I didn’t know how bad it was when you left. He didn’t tell us.” He scoffed. “Of course he didn’t tell us. How could he have made you the bad guy if he did?” It seemed like he was talking more to himself, mumbling something under his breath. “Does mom know?” Maya shook her head.
“No, I wasn’t really in contact with anyone and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. I thought it would be easier to just let everyone believe his side of the story.”
“Maybe. But at what cost?” They were both quiet until the front door opened and their mother stood there and looked down at them. “Let’s go inside.” Mason nudged her slightly and the siblings left the car.

“Hey mom.” She couldn’t even finish speaking before she was pulled into a tight hug.
“Oh my Maya.” Her mother sobbed. Maya stiffened up a little bit, but hugged her back. “I’m okay, mom. I’m here.” She waited until her mom let go. Mason had gotten her back from the car and had disappeared into the house. The two women followed.

The next few days went by running errands for the funeral, making preparations, talking to people and organising everything. In between, Maya texted Carina a lot, they had a few calls here and there, but with the time difference, Carina’s schedule and Maya being super busy, there wasn’t much time for it. Maya couldn’t wait to go back home. When she said that at dinner the evening before the funeral, Katherine’s fork stopped mid-air.
“What do you mean, go back? You can stay here now, you don’t have to go back.” She stared at her daughter in shock.
“Mom, I’m not staying. My life is in Ireland now. I’m going to go back.” Her mother continued to stare. “My girlfriend is in Ireland, mom. I told you about her. I like it there. I have a good boss who believes in me. I have great horses to ride and opportunities to actually go somewhere. I’m thinking about permanently moving there. I want to get more than just a work visa.” It was the first time she said it out loud like this. She had been thinking a lot about it. Especially since her and Carina were doing so good “so well” instead of good.

“You can have opportunities here. You can even take over the business.”
“I don’t want to take over the business. I’m 28, I still have so many years left to ride before I think about training. This is what I love. I love being in Ireland, I love the people there. They’re my friends and have done more for me than most people here have.”
“We are your family.” Maya suppressed a sigh and an eye roll.
“And this is my life, mom. Mine. And I want to do what makes me happy. This place has too many bad memories for me. Too much pain, too much… Just too much. I need a new beginning. I got a new beginning. Why can’t you be happy for me?”

Carina missed Maya from the moment she was gone. They were both very busy and the time difference did the rest. She couldn’t imagine how people did this. Have a relationship with someone in a completely different timezone. They squeezed calls in every time they were both free. Sometimes at the expense of sleep for one of them. Mostly Carina, but sometimes Maya too when Carina had a nightshift. Carina kept herself busy with work, Clara and her friends. But still, Maya was missing from her everyday life and she couldn’t wait to have her back. She had marked the day in her calendar and a countdown on her phone.

The day before Maya was set to come back, Carina was having dinner with Rose and Lucy. She spoke to Maya earlier, but the funeral also happened yesterday and she would come back after. They were joking around, Lucy and Rose were making fun of Carina, but she took it with a laugh.
“Maya is flying already, isn’t she?” Carina nodded and took a sip of her wine. They had finished eating and moved outside to sit in the evening sun. Lucy and Rose were both wearing short sleeved shirts, but Carina had put on a jacket. Irish May was still cool compared to Italy. Even if she has been living here for a few years now.
“I’ll pick her up from the airport tomorrow afternoon.”
“I bet you have the flight details memorised.” Carina grinned and told them the flight details. Lucy laughed, Rose shook her head, grinning.

They continued talking, the radio was on in the background. There was a moment of happy silence when the news came on. Carina didn’t listen at first, until one thing caught her attention and she turned up the volume.

“A plane crashed into the pacific ocean not far from the coast of the US. Eye witnesses had seen the plane catching fire and crashing. Help is on the way to look for survivors, but we don’t have any information at the moment. The plane was on the way from Seattle to Dublin.”

The rest of the news report was lost in the cry Carina let out. She could feel her heart shatter in her chest and the panic started to set in. What were the odds Maya survived this plane crash?