Work Text:
There are flowers in my chest again –
the kind that do not lose their bloom.
— F.D. Soul’s “Between you and these bones”
You need to leave the past behind – you’ll miss the present if you keep sinking like this.
[ She worries for me. She reminds me I am still alive. She can’t fully reach me. My sister has been more of a voice of reason than anyone else and, even though I know she is right,... what else can I do?
Smoking has been the only solace, the only answer after disappearing from the radar, after just wanting to truly disappear… maybe, to forget. But she keeps me whole – tries to. She rebuilds my pieces, but they crumble fast. The more I am alone, the worse I become and yet, this is the only answer I’ve found.
So they won’t die, so no one else will be left behind.
But then it is me who stays behind. And she who tries to stop just to keep me company. ]
“You have to stop doing this, Chris.” It’s a quiet plea for him to get back on his feet. And she tries to pull him up, but his body stays still in place. Eyes are vacant, they barely try to glance somewhere else than towards the ashtray full of cigarette buds. He breathes smoke and exhales the same. It seems this is his new home.
But Claire won’t have it. She places hands on her hips, staring, thinking.
“At least go see your friends from work, hm?”
“They’re not friends …” Even those words come out as they truly are, as lies in an attempt to keep himself in the abyss he had built for himself. “And I do see them during our missions.”
“Barely. They say you don’t even talk to them anymore. Chris … Just do it out of work, for once.” She pauses, lowering herself, placing hands on his lap. Finally, he turns his head to meet her eyes. “Please, for me .”
Maybe it was the earnestness in her tone, the way her eyes glinted against the dim lights of the room, or how pathetic he felt for making his sister worry, but her words finally came through and he ended up sighing. A hand takes the cigarette, putting it out and adding it to the pile.
“Fine, just for today,” he answers and Claire’s face lights up, standing over to allow him to do the same.
“Good! But, please take a shower, yeah? You reek of smoke and depression.” The two chuckle almost in unison and she gives him a hand, even though he confirms he’s completely capable of taking care of himself as usual.
It takes him a bit to finish showering, enough time for her to make him a light snack. If she had convinced him to at least claw out of this room, then maybe she could go all the way and convince him to eat something.
Though he gets out of the shower and subsequently out of his room, dressed up and seeming a little lighter, the moment he looks at the food on the table, his face contorts slightly.
“Come on, Chris, you’ve gotta be starving.” Claire speaks and he wants to deny her claims, but he remains quiet, staring right back at her and sighing, yet again.
“Just a bite and I’ll be gone.” But a bite turns to two, turns to three and, suddenly, the sandwich his sister had whipped up for him was entirely devoured. She holds back a giggle, though part of her is also still worried sick. She had been able to make him react today, but what of the other days?
“Let’s get going then!” She encourages and he listens, standing from the seat, walking to the door. He pauses, staring at the outside from the open door, his sister waiting outside. It’s been a long while since he had tried to get out of that room, since the dim lights and regret were all he knew. He had grown accustomed to the familiar view, to letting the phone vibrate nonstop, to staring at the smoky ceiling, at the floor, at the world sideways.
Going out meant putting others in jeopardy. And god was he tired. But he took the next step again, yet again…
How many more do you wish to doom? Step. How much blood do you wish to spill? Step. How can you keep going after all you’ve done? Step.
It had been wrong to stop, hadn’t it? He knew he’d be out some day… Not today, but one day. Because now, he felt the guilt making his steps harsher, the world twisting into a battlefield of crimson.
Yet there is a warm touch on his shoulder that grounds him. Claire.
“It’s just for today,” she reassures, despite wanting him out of that room for longer. And he nods.
When he reaches the office, his companions are shocked to see him, but happy. Despite Claire letting them know he probably would not show himself for a while after this, they welcomed him with open arms. Who could blame him for breaking down?
“Well, it is always a delight to see you again, sir… Though you do come at a very odd time.”
“A very odd time? Why?” Come to think of it , he turns over towards where a bunch of his coworkers had been gathering for a while. It seemed like they were staring at something, unsure on how to approach. The lady points over at the multitude, though it was already obvious by how he was staring that he found their gathering odd. Odd enough to even approach.
He walks over quietly and, soon, he can hear a cooing, a whimpering, maybe? It’s only when his companions make way for him that he meets with…
“A baby?” Chris asks and his comrades nod.
“Yeah, uh… We found it–”
“ Her! ”
“Right–right, we found her in the fields while on a recon mission. We thought it… insensitive to leave it– her , out there so we took her with us.”
“And her parents?” Chris delivers the question, eyes planted on the small baby, eyes closed.
“There was no one in the vicinity. Only traces of blood. She was so cold though, it’s a miracle she’s doing well now. But, we have no idea what to do about her…”
They expect an answer, a suggestion as to what to do, but there is only silence. And, as they look closely, they notice why.
Chris’s eyes are set upon the little life they had saved from the snow, the little girl with clear hairs, small fingers resting near her mouth, small body breathing up and down. A beautiful little life, untouched by the darkness of the world, unknowing of it. His hands go to her, lifting her gently, placing her against his own chest to slowly cradle with his arms.
That warmth, that small spark plants seeds in his heart. And with the rain he struggles to keep at bay, it waters them, and they sprout oh so quick.
His heart lives, and roses start to flourish.
“Rose…” It’s a quiet whisper that they scarcely catch.
“S-Sir? Do you– What should we do with her?” The woman repeats a question he hadn’t caught until now. It breaks the trance and he turns to her, confused.
“What?”
“What should… we do with her?”
“I’ll…” He pauses, not because he is unsure, but because maybe taking this step out of the blue would not be the best decision and, yet… “I’ll take care of her.”
“Is that wise, sir? I mean–”
“Until we find her parents.” If they ever appeared. But he didn’t mind that. The uncertain future meant nothing to him, and the past would only continue to drag him down. All he had was now – and maybe, he could lift this little one up. Maybe, he could give this girl a better future.
But he had to pick himself up for it. And that he would.
It hadn’t been easy to do so. Even with Claire’s help, he found it hard to set his apartment decent enough for the little girl to live in – not to mention all of the things he had to buy for her. Parenthood wasn’t easy, if it ever was, then surely he would’ve been doing it wrong. But Rose, that flower flourishing so neatly in his heart was worth it. Somehow, it felt like she was worth the effort, the harsh uphill battle he had to fight to get back up, to fight his own demons yet again.
It only took a small giggle, a glint in her eyes, even tears shed for him to feel compelled to try harder. He had to try harder for her.
Strangely, for a bit did he think the curse had caught up to him. That day, out of the regular grocery store, baby in hand, bags in another, he stops on his tracks as he notices a man standing over the distance. From afar, his figure is somewhat alluring, he could not look away. Yet, the more he approaches, the more Chris starts to notice. This man bore a familiar image. He didn’t know how to pinpoint it but he looked so similar to the girl he was holding in his arms. And he was staring right back at him, no, he was staring at the little girl. Crystalline, his eyes seemed to be welling up, running over to them.
“Mary!” He screams in bated breath, trying to reach towards the girl. Chris turns to the side, moving the girl despite her own attempts to reach out to the individual.
“Who are you?” An obvious question, one he had already answered himself, yet he had to be careful. This world knew how to fool him time and time again, he would not let it happen, not when Rose was in jeopardy.
“No, I should be asking who you are and what you’re doing with my daughter.” The blonde man refutes and Chris sighs. Rose was at peace, staring at the man she could not reach, she wore a soft smile, cooing at him. The man seemed receptive to it, almost restless, a wall keeping him from his daughter.
“You’re… his father? Truly? ”
“Yes, I am! I’ve been looking for her all over… I’m Ethan, Ethan Winters. That’s my little girl, Mary Winters.”
That much he knew. His men had investigated the origins of the girl, the people that had seemingly left her behind on that cold field, in the creepy village far away from civilization… To think that the man that was supposed to be her protector was just now coming to see her, acknowledging her as his daughter brought up a dormant anger inside Chris.
“So, now you present yourself, huh? Not when she needed you the most but now that she is safe? ” Though it comes as a question, Chris is convinced that’s what happened. And he stares the smaller man down, keeping the girl distanced from him. Yet Ethan’s face contorts to confusion.
“What? I would never abandon my little girl! I–I was with her, until she disappeared from my grasp.”
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” A pause, he glances at their surroundings for a bit before shaking his head and gesturing for the other to follow him. Ethan does as he is invited to, walking over towards a large car – to him, almost a truck. “Get in, let’s talk.”
And, of course, he does. His little girl is tucked on her safety seat, she seems cheery, having the guarding eyes of her father on her. Chris gets in and Ethan turns to him, waiting for no signal to continue.
“I meant what I said. One second, I was holding onto my little girl, the next, she wasn’t there. I–I was fighting, I was protecting her from those… monsters. ”
“You were there…?” His question lingers as he slowly remembers what his team had mentioned. They had found the baby and traces of blood, but nothing more. “My men were there too, and yet…”
“Yet what?” Ethan inquires and Chris merely shakes his head again.
“You were nowhere to be found. Only the baby…”
“What? That’s impossible, I–” He pauses, unsure, shaky. Maybe he had fallen unconscious for a bit… Or maybe he had been dreaming. No, there was no way.
[I had to pick myself up. And that I did.
For my little girl.
Whatever it was that those things wanted of her, I would not allow it. No, it is her and I against the world, I will never abandon her. Yet, as I say this, I notice my arms are empty. The cold of the fields feels much more daunting, her warmth is nowhere near me. Though there’s a throbbing pain in my chest, my hands help me up.
I need to find her. I need to find my little girl.
I searched high and low for her in that forest. I even searched in that village, fending off whatever witches were around, whatever creatures I found along the way. Nothing – despite all of my attempts, I found nothing. Desperate to bring her back to safety, to confirm that she was alright, I continued my search. If she was not here, it meant someone had taken her with them. She is alive, I was sure of that. So, I set myself to search for her even out of that village, out of that forest.
And though it was arduous, traces of her whereabouts started surfacing. A group had found her. Then, a man took temporary custody of her, until their real parents found her… Or something along those lines. I was inclined to believe this was true, I had hope… So, I searched and searched. Day and night until today.]
“I swear I was there, sir…”
“Chris.”
“... Chris , you must believe me. I was just trying to keep my little girl safe. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know why your… subordinates didn’t find me but… But I swear–”
“Calm down, I belie–” his voice is cut off as the song of the baby in the back brings them back to the moment. She cries a little louder, it seems she had already been welling up. The two are quick to turn towards her, arms and hands outstretched – reaching a middle point together.
Ah, what was that? A little spark, a calling, maybe a made-up sign? Ethan finds his heart jump, Chris feels his own come to a dead halt for just a second.
The spark lasts, the tip of their fingers touching, their eyes slowly meeting, uncertain. Now that he thought about it, seeing Ethan for the first time had felt like meeting a gentle, simple, but otherworldly being. Something good, for once, not some monstrosity trying to bring destruction to his world. Much like how meeting Rose had brought him a desire to live instead of just fight, Ethan made him feel human again, with only his presence.
But what could Chris bring to someone like that? Instead, he was the one to bring destruction… Even now, he had kept father and daughter separated, and he was even willing to fight the man just to keep the girl with him – judging him for abandoning her as if he had a choice.
Chris is the one to part both from physical and eye contact… or at least, he tried to. His hand traces away against the other’s right before he feels the warmth of another’s touch, light and small. Rose’s hands had reached out for both Ethan and him, tears had come to a halt, she seemed calm again… So calm, in fact, that she had easily started to drift to sleep.
Frozen in place, both Ethan and Chris refuse to move their hands any further away, hoping to keep the girl asleep… And, as he attempts to look back again, Chris catches Ethan’s gaze still upon him.
“Don’t pull away…” The blonde whispers and, though Chris initially assumes he says it to prevent Rose from waking up, something in his tone seems… different. Either that or Chris is internally begging that this request has undertones to it. “You don’t have to leave yet.”
“I do… I promised I’d hand her back to her parents once they found her. You did it, Ethan, you deserve to spend your time with her… She is pure sunshine.”
And god knew how much those two deserved some of that light. Ethan feels his world rock when the man hands an apologetic smile, gaze unable to reach his own, placed upon the sleeping girl with the glint of a guardian – unconditional love. With that quiet act, he pulls away, the cold returns. Ethan moves back, eyes on the hands placed on the steering wheel. The engine roars as the man is ready to move out.
“Let’s take you both back home,” Chris comments, turning to Ethan for directions. And he wavers, glancing away.
“About that, I–...” His pause doesn’t last long, hands intertwined, trying to hold back the creeping anxiety. “I was going to figure out what to do about that once I found Mary… I don’t have a concrete place to go. Our house got destroyed.”
“So, you’re telling me all this time you… haven’t had a house to return to? And yet, you’ve been searching for Rose so earnestly.”
“Well, yes… I know it may sound a little irresponsible but… I just needed to make sure she was safe. After that, I would make sure she had a safe place to stay.”
“Ethan.”
“I know, I know it was kind of reckless! I just–”
“No, Ethan, listen. I can help you. I can help you both. I wouldn’t want any of you to be hanging, anyway… Stay at home while I work things out and give you a proper place to stay, yes?”
“Chris, I– I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“You’re not. I’d do anything for her. You’ve proved you’d do the same, it only makes sense that I’d do everything in my power to help you out, too. In a way, you brought this blessing to me. Take it as thanks for the happiness I received thanks to her.”
“I don’t know if I should accept…”
“...You’ll have your privacy. I won’t meddle between you and your daughter anymore.”
“No! It’s not that,” Ethan leans slightly. “I would love to have someone help me take care of her. I’ll admit, I adore my little girl but it does get lonely, taking care of her by myself. I’d be happy to… talk to another adult, to share some time. If possible, of course!”
Ah, there it was again. It was like every simple thing the blonde did or said gripped tight on the operator’s heart, wisterias latching tight all over his organs, the breath he released one of light purple petals – an aroma akin to foreign memory.
“I would not mind it, Ethan. I don’t want to part.” Not from either of you, though he keeps it to himself. How would he? He just met this man, didn’t he? And yet…
Bright eyes light up and Ethan speaks with more enthusiasm than Chris expected.
“Great! Then, we should get going, before Mary– well, you call her…”
“Rose, but… It was a temporary name. Her name is Mary, right?”
“Well…” Ethan ponders to himself. “She doesn’t have to be just Mary. She can be… Rose mary. It’s only fair, seeing as we have both been and will be taking care of her, right?” His tone only wavers at the end, wondering if it was too much. The least he wants, after all, is to make the man feel uncomfortable. Yet what he sees is… acceptance? An expression all too warm – it latches onto Ethan’s heart.
“Rosemary sounds like an excellent name for her.”
Oh, how the wisterias bloom.