Work Text:
Ranpo looked up at Poe as he was about to leave to the store, suddenly remembering what else he had wanted. "Oh, oh, oh! Poe, wait!" He called after him. Poe stepped back in to look at his lover to see what he wanted. "Yes, dear?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. "Could you also get me some powdered donuts?" he asked. Poe sighed, shaking his head.
He was not about to relive the last thing that happened when he got him powdered donuts, even if Ranpo only wanted to eat them. He could hardly see them as a food item anymore, despite how good it had felt. "Not again, Ranpo." he denied as he closed the door and went off to the store and whatever. With that, Ranpo was alone. No one to talk to and no lover to cuddle.
Ranpo became restless, needing to have physical attention. He decided to go on a walk. As he was on his walk, staring down at the cracks in the sidewalk, no two being the same, which in some way interested him, a boner formed in his pants. "Huh..? And Poe isn't here to help me.. ugh.. this sidewalk will do, I guess..." Ranpo mumbled, beginning to undo his belt as he got down on his knees. He pulled his pants down, bending down over a crack in the sidewalk.
The concrete of the sidewalk hurt as he inserted himself in between the two slabs, but as he stayed there for a moment, he became used to it. A breathy moan escaped his lips as he began to thrust in and out of the crack. "Mmph~ S-Sidewalk senpai~!" he moaned, biting down on his lip as his movements became faster.
Becoming a bit too excited, he hit a sharp point in the crack, a soft groan of pain escaping his lips. But that just excited him further. He continued on, his movements only getting faster. In his head, he thought that this could work as a way to make Poe jealous since he hadn't agreed to get him his donuts. With his loud moans and whimpers, he catches the attention of Fyodor.
Fyodor stares in horror, his eyes wide with disgust. "What..the fuck.." he said, causing Ranpo to flinch, hiting another sharp edge in the crack. "Ngh... h-huh?" Ranpo stared at the man, still continuing his thrusts inside of the crack in the sidewalk. As his noises continued, the attention of Tachihara was attracted as well. And when he saw the source, he just stared in terror as Ranpo thrusted the pain away.
Eventually, the Russian man spoke up. "Ah... why are you resorting to such... actions..?" he asked, his tone dripping with disgust. Ranpo returned his gaze to the man. "Poe left me... and... ah-... refused to get me donuts..." he managed to say, thrusting into the crack with more determination. Tachihara blinked. "Did you ask for powdered ones?" he asked. "Yeah-..." Ranpo groaned, thrusting in again before he climaxed, his sticky seed filling the crack of the sidewalk.
He rode out his orgasm as Tachihara sighed and nodded, beginning to walk away as Fyodor continued to stare. "That's exactly why." Tachihara mumbled as he walked off, hoping to never have to see something like that again. Ranpo still didn't feel too much better about Poe. He continued his thrusts into the crack, looking up at Fyodor and saying: "Watch me scream out someone else's name."
Fyodor just blinked as he watched whatever the actual fuck this was. After a minute of thrusting in and out, Ranpo finally did what he said he would. "Oh, Mushitaro~!" he moaned, his movements becoming more and more fervent by the second. Fyodor looked around. "It doesn't seem that your display is working to what you want it to." he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut from annoyance, maybe? Possibly a mix of digust and annoyance
Ranpo frowned, pouting a bit between moans. "Well, I'll be off then. Just seeing this is... awful." Fyodor said, then walking away quickły. Ranpo just continues on, this whole charade going on for a whole two days. He was surprisingly not even exhausted. His motions came to a quick stop when he heard a familiar voice.
"Oh, Ranpo~," Poe said to him, walking up to him from behind. Ranpo smiled a bit. "Poe!" he exclaimed. With no other exchange of words, Poe took down his own pants and thrusted into Ranpo. Loud moans came from Ranpo as their lovemaking went on. They even gained the attention of Akutagawa, who stood there and stared. Poe continued to thrust into Ranpo, and poor Fyodor ended up being victim to the scene once again. With Nikolai at his side, he yelled in disgust at Ranpo. "GOD WILL JUDGE YOU IN THE AFTERLIFE. YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR THIS." Only for them to continue, and for Ranpo to quickly say,"I THINK HE'S JUDGING ME ALREADY, "
That went on for about an hour, and then Poe creamed along with Ranpo and left him once more, leaving Ranpo with the sidewalk again. Except, Ranpo was now exhausted from Poe. It had just been too good. So he laid there on the sidewalk for awhile, catching back his breath andenergy, and he eventually returned to fucking the sidewalk.
This time, it was Kunikida who ended up witnessing this. He stared in shock, wanting to run away, but he couldn't. "How am I even supposed to react to that?" He asked, taking a step back. Ranpo paused in his thrusts as he saw the blonde. "Figure it out," he said breathily and continued for a short moment before he was struck with realization. Kunikida could tell on him. "Just please don't tell the director!" he said quickly and continued.
Kunikida agreed and left. Ranpo then continued to disturb the public with his display of affection for the sidewalk and his desperate moans of "Oh Sidewalk-senpai~!" and all his other moans and whimpers. Karl eventually shows up, holding a gun, pointing it at Ranpo. The master detective is unfazed and continues on, his moans a little louder.
Not too long after that encounter, Poe shows up with a package of powdered donuts. He held it out to Ranpo. "Please stop fucking the ground" he pleaded as Ranpo stopped. Ranpo nodded. "Okay!" He then pulled himself out of the crack that was now filled with semen from his many times of releasing into it, then pulling his pants and underwear back up, taking the package of donuts. He was happy that in the end, he still ended up getting what he had wanted.
Karl and Poe then leave for a moment, leaving Ranpo alone. He stood there, snacking on a couple of the donuts until Poe returns, a gun in his hand. He points it at his lover as he approaches him. Ranpo's eyes widen with shock as he takes a step back. "I'm sorry, Ranpo..." Poe said, loading the gun.
"Why?!" Ranpo asked, holding his donut package closely. "Ask Karl." Poe said, giving a quick glance to the raccoon. Ranpo looked down at him. Karl chittered happily. "Well said." Poe said with a small nod. "W-what about all we did together? Was that all for nothing?!" Ranpo turned back to Poe, tears in his eyes. Poe's eyes widen and he breaks. He realizes that he couldn't possibly shoot him. He lowers the gun and looks back down at Karl
"I can't do it." He says, lowering his head. "Fine then, I'll do it myself!" Karl says, stealing the gun from his owner's hand and pointing it back at Ranpo. Though, as Karl gets ready to shoot, Poe gets in front of Ranpo, shielding him. "Ugh! lf you won't let me kill him, then l'll just go ahead and kill the both of you." Karl groaned.
Poe sighed, "I shouldn't have let him play Fortnite." he murmured, Ranpo gasped, his eyes widening. "You let him play Fortnite?!" he exclaimed. "Er... yeah," Poe responds, looking down in shame. "But, it's still your fault!" he argues. "How?!?!?!?!??!??!" Ranpo asks, placing his hands on his hips. Poe stutters, not being able to come up with an answer for a moment. "Well... you did the devil's tango with the sidewalk. Karl didn't like that!" "You left me! I needed a way to cope!"
"I WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT IF YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO GET YOUR SNACKS AND WHATEVER." "YOU LEFT ME FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS... WERE YOU.. WERE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!" Poe's eyes widened, and he was quick to shake his head. "NO, I WASN'T." "MUSHITARO PROBABLY GOT WIT YOU DIDN'T HE?" Ranpo yelled, gaining sass and putting his hands on his hips. Poe sighed, crossing his arms and shaking his head
"RANPO DO REALLY THINK ANYONE ELSE WOULD WANT ME?" Ranpo quickly raised his head in like, a condescending way. I dunno. "YEAH, I DO." "YOURE CRAZY." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?" Poe groaned, running his fingers through his own hair. "I LOVE NO ONE BUT YOU. AND IF YOU CAN'T SEE THAT, YOU'RE CRAZY."
"WELL, NOW YOUR KID IS TRYING TO KILL US." Ranpo pointed out, bringing their head's both back to the matter at hand. "Well, HE'S JUST A BABY! Poe said, becoming defensive. " SO YOURE LETTING
HIM HOLD US AT GUNPOINT?!" "WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" Poe asked, nervously shifting about. It was Ranpo's turn to groan. "SLAP HIS PAW AND TAKE THE GUN!" Ranpo stated. "HE NEEDS TO LEARN DISCIPLINE, POE!"
"But..." Poe paused, looking at Ranpo with a fatherly glint in his eyes. "But he's my baby!" Ranpo clenched his fists, spinning in a circle to refrain himself from violence. "HE'S THREATENING TO KILL US!" "Oh..." After a long moment of silence, Poe slapped Karl's paw, causing the gun to fall to the floor with a clatter. Poe took the gun, and Karl ran off in a fit.
Poe was quick to run after him, and soon after, Ranpo followed. "See! He's just a little baby." "IT'S A PARASITIC RELATIONSHIP, POE." "NO ITS NOT!" "HE'S MANIPULATING YOU INTO THINKING THAT." Ranpo said.
crossing his arms. Karl took a step forward to Ranpo, "You're just jealous that you aren't his favorite." The raccoon spat, stepping back besides Poe.
Shoving one of his donuts into his mouth, Ranpo ran off back to the middle of a road where he sat down. "Run over me please." he begged as he sat there with the box of donuts in his lap.
Poe and Karl chased after him, and Poe kneeled down beside Ranpo. "Ranpo... it's not true! You've been my favorite ever since I met you..." He claimed, brushing a piece of hair from the frowning Ranpo's
face. Ranpo looked up at him, the moon's light glimmering in his eyes. And then, the two kissed. Karl frowned. "Yuck!" he said. Poe turned to him, disappointed. "Stop being a hater, Karl." he sighed.
Karl stuck out his tongue, pulling out the gun that he had stolen back from Poe when the whole argument on whether Karl and Poe's relationship was a parasitic one or not had gone down. Poe groaned. "Enough is enough, Karl," he said. Seeming heartbroken Karl ran off in a fit once more.
Poe holds his head in his hands, beginning to cry and go through a mental breakdown at the newfound lost of his son. "I hate cyberbullies" he cried. Ranpo awkwardly pats his shoulder, for comforting people was not something he was too good at. "I just wish he would accept you." Poe said with a sniffle, wiping his eyes. "l know he's having a hard time adjusting."
"Yes... but the gun was a bit too far." Ranpo said with a nod. Poe returned the nod but stayed silent. They sat there in that silence, basking in it. That was up until Karl ran back up to them, of course. He informed them of his life's newest news. "I found a new American." he stated and then ran off once more, leaving Poe and Ranpo to continue to bask in the silence.
The silence dragged on for a long ten hours, and the sun was beginning to rise before Poe came out and said something. "Ranpo... I have something I need to admit..." he said. Ranpo tilted his head, grabbing another donut from the box, leaving only one left. "There is a new bat single... and I am batman... so.. I must go..." he admitted. With those words, tears were quick to form in Ranpo's eyes.
Poe stood up slowly, taking a step back. "Goodbye, Ranpo..." he said, then ran off quickly into the rising sun. Ranpo reaches out for him, screaming, "No! Please Poe, no!" But Poe didn't turn back to him. Neither did he return. He just left him there in the road, where he sat for another five hours.
As he picked up the last lonely donut that sat in his box, he could hear a car approaching. He wasn't scared. He had his everything taken from him. It was only what he had wanted at this point. He closed his eyes, and he was soon hit by a 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic.
