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He was late. So late. But in his defense, the moving staircases had it against him and kept changing what floor to drop him off on. It’s already halfway into his first year at Hogwarts and he still couldn’t get the hang of these magical stairs.
Atsushi jumped off the staircase, somewhere on the fourth floor of the castle as he ran through the halls, skidding when he reached the end and didn’t see a staircase. God, he knew he should have paid more attention when Prefect Oda explained which floors connected to each other by non magical stairs at the start of the year.
He turned around and ran the opposite direction, slamming into a door that abruptly opened.
Hissing, he crouched and held his face in his hands, applying pressure on his nose, bringing them away to make sure he wasn’t bleeding. His hands were clean but he could feel tears leaking from the pain as he glared up to see a surprised redhead.
Her green eyes sparkled with tears, eyes rimmed with red as if she’d been crying for a while. Her lips opened slightly, the tip of her nose rubbed raw, and yet– yet Atsushi couldn’t help but think I didn’t know crying could be so pretty.
“You–” The girl started, looking at Atsushi, the door, and the person behind the door.
She didn’t apologize, and ran instead, her black robes billowing behind her as she left the corridor, Atsushi still holding onto his face as he waited for the pain to throb down.
“Sushi-kun?” Fitzgerald asked, looking behind the door and frowned at the first year crouching. “If I’m not mistaken, it’s class block time isn’t it? Not skipping are you?”
“Not at all,” Atsushi mumbled, standing up and feeling dizzy. “Sir, can you write me a note to the infirmary? I think I got a concussion.”
Atsushi cheered loudly, leaning far onto the rails of the Hufflepuff stands as Oda blocked another shot by the Ravenclaw team. They were second in the rankings for the Quidditch cup, a feat that hasn’t been seen in nearly ten years and Atsushi thrummed with infectious energy as the stands went wild.
If they win this game, then the next one will be the championship match against Slytherin and how amazing would it be to finally dethrone the house that’s been champion for the last twelve years.
He got jostled and pushed as their seeker zoomed past the stands, the tall, lithe third year focusing all his attention on catching the snitch.
“God. Dazai is so handsome,” a girl said loudly, shaking her friend wildly. “We wouldn’t be as good as we are without him!”
Atsushi scrunched his nose at that. If only these girls knew how bizarre and strange Dazai was. The older teen who likened himself as Atsushi’s ‘mentor’ was a loud, lazy, energetic, quiet, mysterious, and loud person. Ah, did he mention loud already?
He couldn’t help but boo as a Ravenclaw chaser knocked into Dazai, the girl smirking viciously as Dazai flicked her off and continued his search for the snitch. Grinning and cheering loudly with the rest of his housemates, they all exploded in throat aching cheers as Dazai caught the snitch, his grin wide and face splitting even from this distance.
Atsushi didn’t mind flying classes and he never really thought about trying out for the quidditch team, but being in this atmosphere, this energy, it really made him want to hop on a broom and fly until he got dizzy with adrenaline.
Leaving the stands before it got too crowded and he would get stuck in trying to leave, Atsushi slipped through people, making a beeline from the pitch to the dorms. He paused as he saw the redhead girl from a month or so ago, omnioculars pressed against her face as she watched the match from an alcove in the castle.
He saw her green and silver bowtie pressed against her neck, finding it weird that a Slytherin would want to watch a game from another house. Keeping quiet, he passed by her, the girl immediately snapping her head to Atsushi as he stepped into the castle.
“Your face!” She shouted, standing and holding the omnioculars behind her back as she looked everywhere but Atsushi. “I’m sorry about your face!”
Atsushi’s hands flew to his face, flushing at the apology. Was this a new form of insult? Was she being mean? What did she–oh.
The girl flushed red at the silence and immediately ran away, her long twin braids flopping against her back as Atsushi muttered, it’s okay.
“Eat it.” Dazai demanded, holding a red pepper in front of Atsushi’s nose. “I’ll give you three galleons.”
“That’s not nice,” Kunikida muttered, not looking up from his book. “You know that he’ll do anything for money.”
“Three galleons is a lot of money,” Yosano commented, squinting at the pepper. “How hot did you say it was?”
“I didn’t!” Dazai chirped, grinning and waved it around. “Come on. Eat it.”
“You’re so annoying.” Kunikida said, flipping a page and finally looked up to Atsushi, eyes apologetic. “It’d be better if you just ate it. You know how he’ll get if you don’t.”
“Ah, spoken like a man that’s spent four years stuck with Dazai’s wild antics.” Ranpo teased, pointing his lollipop at Kunikida’s flushed face. “Of course, no one really knows Dazai unlike–”
“Stop distracting him!” Dazai pouted, smacking the table loudly with his free hand. “Atsushi. Pepper. Eat. Money.”
“Dazai,” Oda called out, stopping at their table in the courtyard near the Great Lake. “I need to– you’re not forcing people to eat strange things again are you?”
“What?!” Dazai gasped, placing a hand on his chest as he dramatically widened his eyes. “ Never. Atsushi-kun here wanted to try it all by himself ~ Right?”
Atsushi bit his lip, contemplating the pros and cons of taking on this bet, deciding that he could actually use three galleons and grabbed the pepper. He looked around at the table, aware of everyone now staring at him with worried, excited, and knowing eyes. Hmm, should he be concerned that Yosano looked equally as excited as Dazai?
“Here I go,” he whispered, slowly putting the pepper in his mouth, waiting for someone, anyone, to tell him to stop. Instead Dazai clapped in applause as Ranpo whistled in appreciation while he chewed on the pepper, eyes tearing and mouth watering with spit as heat consumed him. “I think—”
He opened his mouth and whistled like a train engine, steam erupting from his ears and his face turned red, literally turning red. The table erupted in laughter, even Kunikida was snickering at his misfortune and when Atsushi turned to the prefect of his house, the sixth year was pressing his palm against his mouth to prevent any laughs from escaping.
“Here you go!” Dazai sang, dropping coins in front of him. “Three galleons for the brave boy.”
“Clearly the hat should have placed him in Gryffindor with how much he puts up with your horrid bets.” Yosano giggled, pushing her thermos towards Atsushi. “It’s tea. Maybe it’ll help?”
Atsushi grabbed it and drank it all, the heat burning his mouth and he started to fan himself.
“Dazai, really?” Oda reprimanded, a heavy tone of fondness deterring it from sounding too stern. “Anyways, I need to talk to you about Chu–”
“Look at that!” Dazai shouted, standing up and tugged at Atsushi. “I should really get him some water to help with this. Least I should do right?”
Atsushi looked confused but allowed his upperclassman to drag him away from their friends and hopefully towards a water fountain.
Later that night, Atsushi woke up with heartburn, staring horrifically at his chest in case his heart was actually burning. It wasn’t. Thankfully.
Slipping down from his shared dorm room to the common room, he squeaked loudly as he exited the common room and bumped into another person.
“Shh! Do you want to be found out?!”
Atsushi looked at the annoyed duo of redheads, rubbing his eyes in case he was seeing double. Ah no, it was just Chuuya and that other girl he's seen here and there around the castle. He smiled awkwardly at Chuuya, Dazai's loud voice of making Atsushi swear to ignore the short redhead whenever he saw him. Chuuya squinted his eyes at him, lips pursed into a tight frown, looking behind him as if expecting someone else to pop up out of nowhere.
“This is why Hufflepuffs are so,” Chuuya grumbled, tickling the pear in the portrait and waited as it opened. “Wait here.”
He entered the room that Atsushi thought only Hufflepuffs knew about, wondering how much did Dazai know about Slytherin's dorms since he clearly told Chuuya about Hufflepuff's secrets.
“Hi,” he said, waving nervously as she narrowed her eyes. “I’m Atsushi. Second year. Hufflepuff.”
“Lucy. Third year. Slytherin.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“I suppose.”
Atsushi nodded and coughed slightly at the silence that enveloped the both of them, suddenly really thirsty and his chest was still hurting from heartburn.
“Well, see you around?” He offered, stepping around Lucy who seemed to be on her guard. “I’m actually not feeling well so I was gonna go to the infirmary.”
“Didn’t ask,” she bluntly said, leaning against the wall and waited for her companion to come out. “Ugh, aren’t you a wizard? Do a spell if you’re sick.”
“I have heartburn.” Atsushi frowned, crossing his arms at the judging tone. “There’s a potion for that I believe.”
“And a spell,” Lucy sighed. She lifted her wand from the ground, the glowing tip dimming as she titled it in her hand. “Want me to cast it on you?”
“If you want.” Atsushi mumbled, shifting on his feet, the chill of the castle seeping through his light sleepwear.
Lucy rolled her eyes and clearly pronounced the spell, as if she wanted Atsushi to remember this for future references. A slight cold sensation encased his chest, then it dissipated, the pain of heartburn immediately gone. He patted his chest and gave Lucy a wide grin, scratching his chin as she huffed loudly and looked away.
“Thanks!”
“So loud,” Chuuya exclaimed as he jumped from the portrait, a basket of bread, pastries, and some fruit floating behind him. “Let’s go. Oi, what’s wrong with your face?”
“Nothing!” Lucy hissed, tugging at the teen and ignored looking in Atsushi’s direction. “Chuuya! Don’t stare at me like that.”
“Don’t tell me…” Chuuya muttered, groaning loudly as he looked back and pointed his wand in Atsushi’s face, the second year squinting at the bright light. “Ugh. This is him? ”
“Chuuya!” Lucy wailed, letting go and stormed off alone.
“Watch yourself.” Chuuya threatened him, pointing his wand hard in Atsushi’s sternum. “Also wear thicker clothes when you leave the common room next time. You’re shivering.”
Atsushi blinked in surprise as warmth started to spread across his body, looking at his arms as his goosebumps went away. He furrowed his brows, wanting to ask the other person what he meant by watch yourself, but when he looked up, the two redheads were no longer in the corridor.
Atsushi hummed happily, popping another chocolate in his mouth, skipping into the infirmary to grab the Herbology notes from Yosano that she promised to give if only he helped with injuries after quidditch matches.
The medical bay was loud, shouting and cursing and mocking laughter filtering out into the corridor as Atsushi looked upon in horror as the seeker from the Slytherin team punched Dazai in the face.
“Chuuya!” Yosano screeched, reaching forward and grabbed Dazai before he could return the hit. “Dazai, no! You started it. Stop.”
“I said something, he punched me!” Dazai spat out, holding his jaw as he glared at the fiery redhead. “I think I deserve to throw a punch as well.”
“You pushed me off my broom!” Chuuya yelled, arms being held back by a pink haired teen. “You’re lucky I only got one punch in.”
“Not like you would have died,” Dazai scoffed, rolling his eyes but his voice sounded tight with strangled emotion. “All the Professors were there. You’re uninjured, aren’t you?!”
“Boys!” The pink haired girl shouted, looking pleadingly towards Oda. “Oda, please? Get him away from here or so, help me, I’ll be the one who punches him next.”
“Kouyou, Chuuya was the one that started yelling as soon as he came in.” Oda tried to reason, pursing his lips as he looked between the two fourth years that were glaring at each other. “You can’t blame only Dazai.”
“I know that,” Kouyou mumbled, tugging at Chuuya when Dazai smirked at Oda’s words. “Chuuya is going to be punished as well, but we need to separate them before things get worse and the Professors get involved.”
“Makes sense. Dazai,” Sakunosuke gently said, placing his hand on Dazai’s shoulder. “Let’s go somewhere to talk. Yeah?”
“Yeah run away, Dazai,” Chuuya scoffed, pushing away Kouyou, and adjusting his uniform. “That’s what you’re good for.”
“Chuuya!” Kouyou hissed, smacking her forehead in frustration. “Dazai-- don’t!”
Dazai lurched forward and kicked Chuuya in the stomach, the smaller teen gasping in pain before swinging another fist towards Dazai and catching him right in the nose. The two boys continued to punch and kick, Atsushi closing the door to the infirmary behind him as he tried to contain the chaos to one room.
“Enough!” Yosano yelled, quickly aiming a petrificus totalus on both of the teens and their respective captains caught them. “You’re so lucky that the Colonel isn’t here or you’d all be in big trouble. Now. Place those two idiots on cots, separate from each other.”
Atsushi carefully tiptoed into the room, hanging around the medicine cabinet as Yosano did a diagnostic spell on a Slytherin player that was patiently waiting and minding their own business through all this drama.
“Boys, am I right?”
He jumped at the sudden question, smiling as he noticed Lucy laying on a cot, arm tenderly placed on a pillow.
“Don’t look so happy that I’m in the infirmary.”
“Oh! No!” Atsushi spluttered, waving his hands around and flushed. “It’s just nice to see you! Are you hurt? I’m so sorry about that!”
Lucy snorted and motioned for Atsushi to come closer. He happily obliged and turned green as he saw that Lucy’s arm was broken, bruising all around the fracture, already purple and yellow.
“Ah, don’t make that face,” she sighed, looking at her own arm and barely wiggling her fingers. “I’m so high on pain meds, I can’t feel anything.”
“Will Yosano fix you up?” Atsushi whispered, fingers clutching his own arm that broke when he was a kid, remembering the pain perfectly.
“Yup! As soon as she’s done taking care of those idiots,” Lucy sighed, leaning back into the pillow and gave Atsushi a knowing smirk. “Seriously. Don’t worry. I’ve been through worse.”
“Because of quidditch?” He asked, frowning and pulling up a seat close to the bed so he could sit down.
Lucy hummed and looked around the room, Atsushi now recognizing how loopy and happy the girl was, so different from the other times they interacted.
“Also because I’m a pro at dealing with fractures and broken bones. I should send my regards to the orphanage for getting me used to this pain. Hah.”
“Orphanage?” Atsushi asked, blinking at the term and squirmed in his seat. “You’re an orphan?”
Lucy stared at him, her green eyes blank in surprise at the question. She cleared her throat and looked away from the second year, a twisted smile on her face as she replied.
“Yeah.”
Atsushi opened his mouth, unsure of what to say. Should he apologize for the prying question? Should he offer his condolences? To share that he, too, was an orphan and knew how awful orphanages can be when they aren't regulated. He didn’t know, but he couldn’t get the words out before Lucy narrowed her eyes and looked away.
“Atsushi! Can you grab a bruisewort balm from the cabinet and give it to Dazai?” Yosano asked, walking to Lucy and tutted at the injury. “Having fun on the wizarding version of morphine?”
“Loads,” Lucy giggled and smirked at Yosano’s eye roll. “Please tell me you’re going to fix me up now? I think I might vomit if you don’t.”
“Yeah yeah, don’t worry.” Yosano soothed, bringing her wand out and gave one last look towards Atsushi. “Hurry up before Kouyou dispels Chuuya's bind and then those two go back to fighting.”
“Right!” Atsushi nodded, giving Lucy an encouraging smile, the redhead grimacing in return as Yosano began healing.
He grabbed the balm from the cabinet, noting it was the last one, and rushed over to Dazai who was now sitting up, unbinded. His expression was pouty but Atsushi could recognize the anger and hurt simmering underneath the bratty exterior. Atsushi sighed softly and handed the balm over, Dazai looking at it with annoyance and he grabbed onto Atsushi’s sleeve.
“Did she,” he licked his lips and kept his eyes trained on the balm in his hand, “say anything about Chuuya’s injuries?”
“No,” Atsushi answered honestly. “But that balm is the last one in stock so she might have to cast some spells on Chuuya if he has similar injuries like your own.”
“Oh. Okay.”
The brunet got up and patted Atsushi’s head, his pout transforming into a silly grin. Dazai ran a hand through his hair and he latched onto Oda’s arm, the older teen rolling his eyes at Dazai’s obvious act.
“Ugh, let’s hurry and go before the yapping doggie gets up and starts attacking again!” Dazai said loudly, passing by Chuuya’s bed and then threw the balm at the frozen figure. “Here! Since you’re so tiny, I’m sure my punches caused more damage than yours did to me. Have fun using it Slug ~”
Atsushi shook his head and turned to Yosano, awaiting the next task she’d give him.
“Cute!” Atsushi complimented, grabbing the flower crown that Kyouka made. “Here’s mine!”
“Could be better,” the second year sighed but grinned as she received it. “How are classes?”
Atsushi hummed at the question, peeling the orange he got from lunch while he formulated his thoughts. He wished he could tell Kyouka that being a third year meant that teachers were stricter and no longer humored him if he made simple mistakes. That his older friends were busy with their own OWLs and NEWTs, so he couldn’t bother them as much anymore and that he felt a bit lonely, but that’d be complaining, and no one liked a complainer.
“Fine!” He smiled, tearing the orange in half and offered Kyouka some. “Yours?”
“Okay. There’s this Hufflepuff named Kenji,” Kyouka started, sighing as she shook her head. “I’m not sure if you know him all that well... But in DADA he…”
The Gryffindor went on to share a story and Atsushi nodded, commented, and asked questions in all the right places, enjoying this little break of relaxation in between his schedule. He laughed when Kyouka squeezed her orange slice too hard, and juice dripped down her arm, quickly bringing out his wand and performing a clean up spell.
“Oh.” Kyouka stopped, tilting her head and pointing at the closest audience stand near the quidditch pitch where they were lounging around. “I think someone is waving to you.”
Atsushi looked up and immediately recognized the redhead in a Slytherin uniform, her hair tied up in a messy and wild ponytail.
“I’m sorry, I should probably go see what she wants.” Atsushi said, giving Kyouka an apologetic smile while the black haired girl frowned. “I’m free after Charms this afternoon! We can finish our talk then! How does that sound?”
“Fine,” Kyouka huffed out in agreement, popping the smushed orange slice into her mouth. “Just don’t forget if you run into Akutagawa again.”
“That was one time!” Atsushi shrieked, rubbing his face, embarrassed at the mention of the incident.
“Try more like every single time you see him you forget about everything else, but,” Kyouka shrugged and shooed Atsushi away. “See you then! If you remember.”
“I will see you then!” Atsushi laughed, sticking out his tongue and gave her the remainder of the orange, wiping his sticky hands on his robe as he ran towards Lucy, who was now leaning on her broom in boredom. “Hey.”
“Finally! Thought I’d be standing here all day,” she teased, standing straight and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Is that another member of the Atsushi Fan Club?”
“There’s no such thing!” Atsushi snorted, rolling his eyes and pushing his bands behind his ear only for it to slip back in front of his eyes. “Who’d make a fan club for me?! I don’t even do anything! If I did something cool, like play quidditch or had good grades, I’d understand or something.”
“It’s not too late to join the team,” Lucy said, smirking as she leaned back on her boots. “I heard that Dazai has been trying really hard to make you keeper, or was it chaser?”
“Keeper.” Atsushi corrected, rubbing his nose. “Oda is leaving this year and apparently Dazai hates the backup keeper so he wants me to replace him.”
“Ah, should you be telling the enemy team this info?” Lucy asked, tapping her chin questioningly. “Actually, no, keep talking. I think if I tell Chuuya some good news he’ll stop making us do these killer drills all practice long.”
“I didn't even think about that,” Atsushi groaned, blushing at Lucy’s loud laughter. “Anyways, did you need me for something?”
She stopped laughing and narrowed her eyes at Atsushi. He wondered if it was a look that was taught specifically to Slytherin students so they could intimidate other houses.
“Hogsmeade is this weekend,” she casually said, plucking at the bristles on her broom.
“Oh?” Atsushi hummed, unaware that the first visit was happening so soon. “I think I heard about it.”
“Are you going?” She asked, her vivid green away looking everywhere but Atsushi’s face, and he kinda wished she would stop to stare at his face.
He thought about the question and tugged at the tips of his bangs. He didn’t know how to explain that the director of his orphanage has yet to respond to any letters he’s sent since his first day at Hogwarts. He didn’t know how to breach the topic that he was so hated by everyone at the orphanage, they probably threw the letters away before it even reached the director’s desk. He wished he could explain why he wanted to go so badly but couldn’t.
“I’ll be busy catching up on classwork so I can’t,” he sheepishly said, catching the way Lucy frowned but immediately cleared it with a smirk.
“So early in the school year and you’re missing assignments already?” She asked, shaking her head. “What would your fan club say?”
“Luccyyyyy!” He whined, shoving her lightly and smiled at her bright laughter. “Are you going?”
“Yeah!” She nodded her head eagerly. “I wasn’t able to last year, but I managed to finally get the paper signed!”
Atsushi nodded slowly, twisting his fingers together and tensed as the redhead came closer.
“I had them forged,” she whispered, smugness dripping from her voice.
“Did the Professors not catch on?” Atsushi asked, horrified at the mere thought of being caught. “I mean, is it that important?”
“I wouldn’t have ever been able to go if I didn’t,” she replied, frowning and took a step back. “I heard your orphanage was a shitshow too. Why are you acting like I’m the one who is in the wrong?”
“I–” Atsushi froze at that, eyes looking away from blazing green ones that were finally looking at him, but not in the way he wanted. “I’m not saying you’re in the wrong.”
“You know, Dazai told me about you.” Lucy said, tilting her head at Atsushi’s skittish behavior. “Said that we could ‘bond’ over our traumatic childhoods and maybe even compare scars. He's such an asshole. But don’t worry, he didn’t share anything he shouldn’t have.”
Atsushi stiffly nodded and felt dizzy, sick to his stomach at the understanding look he was receiving. It wasn’t pity and he was thankful for that, but the fact that Lucy could relate to whatever he went through, that made him feel terrible. How could someone who help herself so confidently talk so lackadaisically about the things they endured when they were younger? He tugged at his bangs again, looking away and focused on the shiny handles of her broom.
“Whatever,” she sighed, frowning and dug her broom deeper into the grass. “Look, if you want to come chill this weekend with friends and stuff at Hogsmeade, just reach out to Dazai. He’ll help.”
“Right,” Atsushi nodded and stepped away, running a clammy hand through his hair. “Uh, I should go and prep for my next class. It was nice talking to you Lucy.”
“Sure thing,” she shrugged and then hopped onto her broom, levitating a few feet off the ground, her toes barely brushing the tips of the grass. “See you this weekend hopefully.”
He watched her fly up, up, up, until his neck hurt from the strain and began to walk back to the castle, stomach churning and head hurting, blaming himself for only eating an half an orange for lunch.
“Hey.”
Lucy froze at the greeting, turned around and blinked in confusion at Atsushi awkwardly waving. She flicked her attention to Dazai who quickly left Atsushi and latched into Chuuya’s arm, dragging the shorter male away.
“Have fun Atsushi~!” He shouted, pulling away an angry Chuuya that paid for a drink and wasn’t even able to taste it.
“You’re here,” Lucy breathed out, pointing at the now empty chair for Atsushi to sit in. “Talked to Dazai?”
“Uh, no,” he muttered, staring at the golden drink in front of him. “My, uh, orphanage director managed to get the slip signed to me yesterday.”
“Ah.” She said, eyes flitting away and gripping onto the handle of her butterbeer. “Lucky you.”
“What is this?” Atsushi asked, turning the cup in his hand. “Can I drink it?”
“I don’t think Chuuya is coming back, so I don’t see why not,” she shrugged, taking a sip from her own cup. “He did pay for it. It’d be a shame if they had to toss it out.”
“True,” Atsushi replied, taking a hearty sip and grinned. “Nothing tastes better than free stuff.”
“Tell me about it,” Lucy agreed, smirking at all the times she forced others to buy things for her.
They got into a nice mood of talking about safe topics like school, quidditch, favorite foods, and annoying upperclassmen that couldn’t keep their drama to themselves. Atsushi felt warm, cozy, happy being with Lucy. The redhead covering her mouth as she snorted, midway through a story about a Ravenclaw friend suffering through Transfiguration.
“I like your hair,” Atsushi blurted out, slamming his face into his hands as the girl froze halfway through a sentence. “I didn’t mean that! I mean, I do, it’s pretty! I just didn’t mean to say it. Out loud. To your face.”
“Oh,” she muttered, patting her hair that was in a half up and half down style. “Thanks. I guess.”
“Anyways, uhm, what did your friend do next?” Atsushi asked, trying to go back to the original topic and Lucy nodded stiffly, dazed as she tried to remember where she left off.
“You’re crying.” Atsushi said, pointing at the tear tracks that stained Lucy’s face.
“Thank you Captain Obvious,” she scowled, rubbing her face and the tears kept coming. “Why are you even here?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Atsushi found Lucy curled up in an alcove on the fifth floor, a warming charm enchanting the space and her overrobe transfigured into a soft blanket. It looked like she was crying for a while, the suppressed sniffles catching his attention and brought him to the end of the floor.
“Okay, well you can go now.” Lucy muttered, quickly folding a letter in her lap and tucked it away. “Can I cry in peace?”
“No one should have to cry alone if they can help it,” Atsushi mumbled, sliding against the wall and sitting next to her. “Wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“That’s fine,” he sighed, crossing his legs and watching as tears silently fell from her eyes. “Anyone tell you that you’re pretty when you cry?”
“God, you’re so fucked up Atsushi.” She laughed nasally and wiped at her eyes. “Does your fan club know that you're a sadist?”
“I think they already know I have a thing for pain,” he said, laughing slightly at Lucy’s shocked face. “Must be all those years of abuse messing with my brain.”
“Atsushi,” she sighed heavily, wiping the sleeves of her robe all over her face. “Masochists like pain, sadists like inflicting it.”
“Oh.” Atsushi said, furrowing his brows and nodding. “Hmm, I don’t like the fact that you’re crying. I do think you’re pretty when you cry though.”
“Thanks. I guess,” Lucy grumbled, sniffing loudly. “Anyone tell you that you’re shit at cheering people up?”
“Oh god, sooo many times,” Atsushi admitted, tilting his head and giving Lucy a lopsided smirk. “I’m more of a motivational speaker type of person.”
“I see. You must be the reason why Hufflepuff isn’t in last place now that Dazai isn’t on the team anymore.”
“He’s still involved with the team strategies and stuff.”
“I knew it,” she mumbled, rubbing her head with the heel of her palm. “Also, Atsushi, you can’t go around telling people the workings of your team. We’ve talked about this before.”
“Chuuya probably already knew that,” Atsushi laughed, digging into his pocket and grabbed a folded post it note, bringing his wand out and transfigured it into a yellow handkerchief. “Not like it was a super secret or whatever.”
“That’s true,” she replied, taking the handkerchief with a half smile. “Yellow? Really?”
“I can make it green if you want?”
“Pass.”
Atsushi softly laughed and kept quiet, heart aching at Lucy blowing into the tissue and sniffing. The fifth year was probably one of the most confident, brightest, cleverest people he knew and despite knowing her background, the scars that she has shown him, the stories that made her clamp up and break out in cold sweats, he knew something serious had to happen to make her cry.
He hated that she was here, sitting in a corner of the castle barely visited, dealing with her sadness alone but he hated more that he couldn’t do anything for her. Lucy was right that he was shit at comforting people, too caught up in his own self pity and trauma to properly be a pillar of support and safety for others, no matter how hard he tried to act like it.
He could fake it, and boy did he fake it. He could share encouraging words, he could be the person people wanted him to be, but at the end of the day, he was only trying and pretending. It didn’t feel real in the way that Lucy composed herself, or authentic in the way that Chuuya exuded confidence, or legit in the way Dazai grew to be himself.
“They won’t stop,” Lucy muttered, laughing at herself and kept wiping her tears.
Atsushi reached forward and rubbed his thumb underneath her eye, those glittering green eyes staring wide in shock at the movement. He cupped her face and began to quickly catch those tears, his heart breaking at the way Lucy’s lips trembled and her brows furrowed in sadness.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to do that,” she sighed, shaking her head and reaching out to remove his hands from her face. “I can deal with this.”
“I know you can,” Atsushi sighed, gently letting go over her face. “But I want to do this. I want to help.”
“Always a busybody,” Lucy said, a lazy smile on her face as tears welled up and then dripped down. “This is why your fan club loves you.”
“Because I’m a busybody?” He asked, frowning and couldn’t help but bring his sleeve up into his palm, catching it with his fingers and gently rubbing it on her face. “I thought they liked me because I’m a sadist?”
Lucy snorted and pushed Atsushi away, smiling but those tears still fell. Beautiful, enchanting, alluring, he couldn’t help it. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth against the corner of her lips, the taste of salt when he pulled away and licked his own.
She blinked a few times in confusion, face flushing and Atsushi smiled as he leaned forward again and kissed the other side, Lucy letting out a choked sound.
“You really are so pretty when you cry,” he muttered, relaxing when her eyes no longer spilled tears. “I think when you’re laughing is when you’re really really pretty though.”
“I– I –”
She couldn’t form full sentences and when Atsushi leaned forward again, lips ever so close to her own, she nodded and pressed their lips together. He smiled as her hands carefully held onto the front of his jacket, his hand coming up to wipe away the last tear that slipped from her eye, chest twisting sweetly as Lucy began to smile against his lips.