Chapter Text
Peter had met this girl—well, not really met, more like quietly watched and admired from afar for two years—and now, here he was, breaking into SHIELD’s database, effectively circumventing all sorts of firewalls and security protocols to get the information he needed to help her. Peter had figured he was dead meat long before he disabled Jarvis, because one, he was breaking all sorts of federal and international laws; two, his fathers would be so pissed at him for even attempting this; three, Nick Fury, when he got wind of this, would murder him; and four, he disabled Jarvis. Peter didn’t want to think of the consequences of that. So yeah. Dead meat. But he also figured it was worth it, because well, it was for Gwen, and Peter’s brain, no matter how brilliant it was, always short-circuited when it came to Gwen. And Peter’s brain had decided that learning about Gwen’s real parents was more important than the possibility of incarceration and inevitable ass-whooping. Serves me right for having a family of superheroes, he thought as he bypassed the last level of security and fed Gwen’s DNA sample into a machine. At least Gwen would be happy, I think.
The search took some time, and Peter spent that covering his tracks and making sure no one in SHIELD got alerted of his unauthorized access at the moment. He set his search result parameters to keep him just under the radar. No beeps, no photos, no data display. Just confirm any match and send the data to his printer. Imagine his joy, the unbridled thrill and the rush of having succeeded with minimal fuss—he got his data, got out of the system, and put everything back into place (Jarvis included). It was like Peter was never there.
The DNA match results looked promising, because not only did he find Gwen’s biological mother, he found Gwen’s real dad as well. The odds of finding one of her parents in the database was slim, Peter knew, so getting both parents was amazing. Absentmindedly, Peter wondered about that. I just hope her parents aren’t nefarious supervillains who thirst for world domination, because that would be just really awkward. His eyes skimmed the paper as the data was printed out.
Peter opened a can of soda as the rest of the data finished printing. He picked up the first few pages, taking a gulp of his drink as he scanned them. His eye caught a name, two names, and he spewed Coke all over the consoles. You have got to be shitting me. He grabbed the last pages and read them properly.
Yep. I am definitely dead meat. There was a whimper threatening to escape his throat, and Peter had to bury his face in his hands. It’s one thing to have power-hungry megalomaniacs as his potential girlfriend’s parents, but it’s another thing to have these two as the parental units:
Match found: Romanoff, Natasha (Romanova, Natalia Alianovna)
Match found: Barton, Clinton Francis
Peter’s brain, now fully up and running after that shock of discovery, decided that he made a huge mistake. Oh god.