Chapter Text
The year was... Who even cares. Crowley thought to himself he'd been curled up in his plush chair he and aziraphale had got into a fight. Again. When they were just starting to get on properly Crowley felt like he'd been standing on a rug and had it suddenly pulled out underneath him. He was crashing. He kept replaying every moment of the argument in his head finding all the ways it wasn't his fault and then replaying it again and deciding he was actually a terrible person. Waves of guilt and anger washed over him he pulled out one of his emergency bottles of wine and swigged from it while staring menacingly at his plants, he didn't even feel like scaring them today.
bang Crowley jumped at the forceful knock on his door he wondered vaguely who on earth it was but couldn't bring himself to go and check then his TV screen flickered to life.
"Demon Crowley in light of recent events we will no longer be allowing you to stay in this residence " droned a mechanical voice.
"What d'you mean" Crowley asked outraged.
"We have sent demons to help you move out, please leave as quickly as possible " the voice from his television explained before flickering of again.
They sent demons? Crowley didn't like the sound of that. He quickly sobered up trying to process what was going on. He felt numb but that numbness was like ice and that ice was slowly melting because of the heat of his anger and fear. Throw him out? throw him out!? They couldn't just throw him out! This was his home, he deserved it he'd lived here, well pretty much since it had been invented and now they were just going to throw him out! And then there was the problem of the demons coming to "help" Crowley he wasn't sure he was keen on any of his lot being in the flat with him alone. Crowley knew he was going to have to get out as quickly as possible.
After packing up the plants and his few worldly possessions Crowley sauntered into his car before realising he had nowhere to go. He didn't want to go to Aziraphale, not yet, he didn't have any money. He thanked God or Satan or whoever that at least he still had his Bentley. "Right then you lot" he said addressing his house plants "time to leave" and with that Crowley sped of into nowhere really. Several hours later he ended up on the road that lead to Aziraphale's bookshop not intentionally it just sort of happened, he didn't want to go to the bookshop, not yet, but he took a sort of comfort in being close to the angel. Crowley pulled into an alleyway where he knew Aziraphale wouldn't be able to see him and tried to stretch out in the car. Before now the Bentley had always been able to accommodate him comfortably but with all the houseplants (were they still houseplants if they were in a car?) on the backseat Crowley was finding himself rather cramped. He decided to go on a walk to stretch his legs a bit and he ended up sauntering down to a establishment that had a particularly sinful aura, probably out of habit, Crowley thought. He leant up against the wall to drink some more. After more than a little alcohol he was approached by a nervous looking man with a wad of cash the man cleared his throat and handed him the money, Crowley was a bit confused but he accepted it all the same then a voice behind them called "Ernie he doesn't work here"
"Oh" Ernie said awkwardly he snatched the money back and sped off.
"Sorry about that, what can I do for you lad?" Asked the woman.
"Oh I'm not looking for services" Crowley slurred "I've got nowhere to go, angels mad at me, I don't have a home" his voice cracked
"Ah had a fight with your partner?" Said the woman
"Oh he's not... We don't... I mean I thought about it but I don't think it would work out with the whole demon angel thing" Crowley babbled drunkenly "you know I've always thought maybe..." But Crowley didn't manage to finish that sentence because he stumbled over thin air and face planted onto the pavement and started crying.
"All right love come on up you get" the woman said deciding she couldn't leave the poor man on the streets "my name is Mrs Sandwich why don't you have a nap in here" Mrs Sandwich suggested helping Crowley into her brothel, she made him lie down on one of her couches and he was fast asleep the second his head hit the pillow she'd found for him.
It was a few weeks before Crowley finally decided to talk to Aziraphale he'd been alternating between sleeping in the Bentley and Mr's Sandwich's. He spent so much time their that she'd had to put up a sign telling people not to pay him because he didn't actually work their, Crowley was expecting her to use this as a reason to kick him out but she didn't. She insisted he was good for the business telling him he could crash in the brothel whenever he felt like it.
"He didn't even say anything about our argument Mrs S he just did this smug little smiles and started talking about crêpes" Crowley told her for the fourth time that day.
"Well you know what I have to say" Mrs S announced "I say you two just have to bone"
"What did you just say?!?!" Crowley exclaimed looking scandalised.
"I said you two just have to bone" Mrs Sandwich repeated.
"BONE!!" Crowley repeated looking partly amused partly alarmed by the suggestion.
"I call it how I see it lad and this Mr Fell wants your serpent in his garden of Eden if you know what I'm saying" she continued.
Crowley hid his bright red face behind a pillow for the next 20 minutes only looking up occasionally to exclaim "bone!" Much to the Mrs Sandwich and her employees amusement. Secretly Crowley had to admit he was loving the attention.