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'How long has it been?' Rex breathed in and out, tears cooling his sweaty skin, as he pressed against a wall. He was in a ruin of place, a real shanty, with slick grey liquid leaking through the door and flimsy sheets for walls. Bells rang and his heart leapt in his chest like a frightened frog trying to escape. How long had it been? Something rose up his throat, trying to make him cry out. He struggled against it, pushing it down his throat, his mouth wide and lips trembling. Sound was his damnation. Sound was his salvation.
The shriek of sirens and the rumbling of a larty overhead blared, making him freeze, his mouth still agape, as his heart thumped in its cage. Light crept out from the edges of under the door.
'Should I call out?' His mouth was open, but he blinked and remembered. He wasn’t on a mission. He wasn’t waiting for rescue and the arms of his brothers. He was here, in the dark. The light disappeared, the whining rumble sound of the larty faded away. 'I wonder if there are brothers on there…' His stomach sank even lower as he stared at where the light had been.
You just couldn’t know these days.
Light had never been his friend. The halls of Kamino were whiter than any moon. The long-necks would prowl slow and graceful, silent with unblinking obsidian gems for eyes, ones that glittered like the dark pools of the ocean, with pale rings of grey, yellow or blue. Light had never been his friend, for it drew them like flies, as all energy did.
“Oh kriff, help him, please!”
The scream chilled him to the bone. It was coming from outside.
“Please, please, a-anyone!”
He’d thought there wasn’t much difference between screams, but he’d gained an ear for it. He’d also gained an ear for the creaking and shuffling in the hallway. He wasn’t sure what terrified him more, the noises or his uselessness where there should be none. He was a soldier.
You should help.
Nothing would help him. The only way to survive was to be small.
“No, you can’t, you’re-!”
But, the kid – oh, where had he learned that word? – was still screaming, whoever he was. The Empire was coming for him. They came for everyone. It reminded him of a shiny. He remembered his shinies. Had they been screaming in their minds like him, listening in a second mind latched onto their own, one of protocol, with a cold voice that did not question, that did not live.
You should help.
Yet, he remained huddled together, with his knees against his chest, doing nothing at all.
“H-Help! H-help, pleeease, pleease, I’m so-!”
The voice was slurred and tired; more an obligation than any real hope. Then, silence.
You should go help.
His arms tightened around his legs, closing his eyes and putting his hands to his ears to try to block it out. It didn’t help him. But, soon enough, the screams cut out and there was silence again. Whatever had happened someone had lost.
He heard a whisper and a rustle. “Most disappointing, results on behaviour aberrations undetermined. We’ll have to try…” a murmur carried by dead air crept from underneath the door of his hiding spot, making him flinch and open his eyes wide. 'How long has it been?' he asked himself warily, but the expanse stared back at him without answer. It was endless darkness, and yet he could feel the walls pressing against him from all corners.
You didn’t help them.
“Oh kriff,” he breathed, his voice small, tears bursting from his eyes again as he squeezed them shut.
Terror seized his heart when he realised what he’d done, quickly pressing his knuckles against his mouth. He could only cry as long as he kept quiet, as long as he did nothing, absolutely nothing, like a worthless flesh droid with blood easy to spill.
It was the one skill he had.
He was never the type to live. That he been decided the day he’d come out of the tube, hair sickly blond. He’d tried his best. He’d pushed himself to the limit and beyond in simulations. His feet would ache, he’d lie in bed all night, calculating, planning, running through what he must do next. It paid off, and that was that, he was Captain.
“…I only wanted to do my duty…”
He gritted his teeth, putting hands over his ears and closing his eyes.
“Help! We need a medic!”
“I CAN’T!”
“No, stay back! Get away from me!”
“We lost one.”
He willed for the pain to go away with all the fibre of his being. Every scream was so uniquely afraid, but the words were always the same. Why did they even bother?
“This entire operation has been compromised because of your failure.”
Leave him alone. Let him be lost.
“You will cease this strange behaviour.”
Rex shivered, leaning away from the cold voices, back to the darkness.
“CT-7567. Do you have a malfunction in your design?”
“Gidget!”
“No!”
He could hear screaming. They’d be gone soon, as they all did, but the seconds seemed to last hours, as their pitch rose beyond hysterical. He sneered, a hot rage pulsating through him as hot as the burning fleshing his nostril. 'Those idiots, shut the kriff up! Screaming and screaming and screaming, you’re drawing the tinnies closer.'
“Shut-!” Rex slammed his fists to his mouth, his teeth clattering painfully against his knuckles. The screaming cut out and silence returned. His heart thumped in his chest and he prayed to the Force they couldn’t hear that as well. His ears were pricked for any strange noises and movement behind the door.
They didn’t hear.
He mentally sighed in relief, relaxing a little. He had nearly given himself away. he had nearly told the world that someone was in here. He was nearly dead. And, he licked his lips at the idea, tasting a dryness quite like the ration bars they served in the mess. There was an aftertaste in his mouth, a sour one, and his throat felt a little too small.
It was funny to think how this wasn’t supposed to be how the day went.
He’d woken up with such certainty. He’d… He scrunched his brow in consternation. His mind swam. Don’t think about it. Their eyes, glowing from their skulls like cold suns, circles of bright red, blue and green within them. How could he be so stupid not to see the warning signs? The lights had started exploding, the old shuttle going on the fritz, and the air had started to glow.
Then there was that strange cube, no, octahedron floating in the darkness, bending dark and light incessantly, knowing- It wasn’t the Empire. Pain exploded in his head, making him clutch it. 'Don’t think about it'. He dug his fingers into his forehead, sharp small twigs with biting sharp nails. 'Don’t karking think about it', he moaned to himself, digging his nails into his palms painfully till tears prickled his eyes. How did he even have any tears left?
Think about the mission, Rex, his head said. Think about how you ran away. Think about how you should have DIED with all your men. You still can. There was chuckle, hateful, almost like Krell but much older. They’re waiting for you…
He could see a moon, and all their bodies buried underneath it, frozen and blue with flecks of orange. They’d paint their helmets for her… He could hear them.
Do not listen, his head spoke again, this time soft and musical, how a mother may be. You cannot underestimate your part in this. Balance will be achieved. It was like music, chiming on particles. Recompense will be paid. He felt warm, like there was only ever light.
He felt a shiver up his spine.
Cold winds drove giant waves that crashed against metal and duracrete, at best making light-sleepers in their pods never get a wink on a rough night. At worst, swallowing up cadets and shinies working to close to waves on the platforms outside, swallowing them with salivating talons. The Long-Necks never worked outside. That was for the clones. That’s all you were made for. It's your fate. Don’t you see?
Rex nodded sadly along. It was.
“No. No. You can’t. You’re-!”
...Until today.
He snorted as the screams returned, feeling lethargic and tired. How long has it been? How long has it been since the screams started? His body felt heavy. He wanted it to all end. He couldn’t take it anymore. Things just went on and went. It didn’t make sense. It was possible to know.
But, you didn’t want to die.
He’s waiting in the hall, Rex. He doesn’t like to be kept waiting. You know how brothers are. You can trust him there.
He clutched his head. Yet, you couldn’t live.
Both voices whispered. Give into it.
He slowly stood up, using the wall as a support, the cool metal grounding, and he could barely believe his flimsy legs were carrying him so well. The cool metal was grounding. He reached up on his tip toes for the release, just about seeing the dim white light of the button. He was about to press it when the door slid open, hissing.
There nothing between him and the outside world but crusty, pungent air, with a thick, iron-like smell.
He stared at the light blue colour, a strange clarity in his mind. He blinked, realising the fabric had some indents of muscle. He looked up, neck craning. There was a grinning face covered in brownish red blood, teeth in a razor with flecks of the stuff smudged like past. The face was his own, but older, with dark midnight hair curling, gaunter but not as much as he seen it.
“Rex, you’re missing all the fun,” the brother, Cody, blood-crusted smirk widening. His face far too young for it, a touch of baby fat clinging to his cheeks. His frame was lanky, not the athletic prime of manhood it would become.
Rex looked past him, eyes wide as saucers.
They were all gone. All the cadets he’d came up with had left. There was blood all over the white floors and walls. Kaminoans were strewn about everywhere, necks bent onto themselves and bodies broken and mangled, large eyes looking flat, no longer glittering with any light. It was beautiful. He could see Wolffe, a lanky cadet with a giant grin, and a tiny cadet Echo hiding behind him with a little smile.
Gregor was even there, alive and young when he should not be, kicking a dead Kaminoan and cackling with a youthful laughter that ached. And, Fives… Rex couldn’t breathe. Fives was watching in amazement, deep brown eyes as wide as his own.
People know you, Captain. They’re always waiting at the door; always want to know where you’ll land next.
He could hear fighting in the corridors. There was blaster fire, and Kaminoans were shrieking.
'But, Kamino was destroyed?' He looked at Cody, confused.
Cody grinned and gave him a hug, practically picking him up so his little feet dangled. “You’re so small!” Cody laughed loud in his ears, and Rex scowled but his lip wobbled at the level of joy he’d never heard before. “I think… someone screwed up the timeline. You can’t be this little!” Cody’s heart beat rapidly in his chest, it was rhythmic, full of adrenalin from exertion.
Rex would have protested, but he felt his eyes droop. Sleep claimed him like a tubie.
His eyes snapped open.
Three tall figures stood before him.