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“By the way, Nene, when you come back to Japan this time, I have someone I want to introduce you to.”
“Eh?”
“He’s the son of a friend of mine. His company is planning on sending him to work at their US branch in New York in the next few months. He’s around your age, so I think it would be great to introduce you two since you’ll be living near each other.”
Her mom keeps on going on about some details like his name and something about his workplace being one of the biggest companies in Japan; she barely catches any of the details. She knows what this is and while she does know her mom means well, she’s honestly quite terrified of this deliberate match-making.
Nene’s phone almost slips out of her clammy hands as she paces around the room, the gears in her head turning round and round to think of a way out.
“I invited my friend and him to dinner on—”
“I already have a boyfriend!”
“…”
“…”
The words leave her both before her mind manages to process what she is saying as well as the consequences of it. When Nene finally realizes what she had said, she breaks the stunned silence with anxious stammering.
“U-Um, M-Mom—”
“Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” her mom’s voice happily sounds from the other end. “Who is he? Do I know him? Did you meet him in America or in Japan? Is he Japanese or a foreigner?”
She’s suddenly bombarded by questions of excited curiosity and it’s making heart rate speed up in panic. “Hold on, Mom. One at a time…Um…I can’t answer that right now.”
“Why not? Oh no, is the relationship not going well?”
Nene’s grip on her phone tightens. “N-No, it’s not that.”
“Then why can’t you tell me anything about him?”
“It’s because…” She can literally feel her blood pressure rise with anxiety and if this conversation continues any longer she feels like she might just pass out. “It’s because I think it would be better if you were to meet him in person! It’ll be a surprise!”
…
…
…Huh?
“For you to say something like that, it sounds like you’re very excited about him.” Her mom laughs softly over the phone, completely unaware of how her daughter is now close to tears. Nene feels the creeping dark hands of death coming for her as keeps digging her own grave with every word that comes out of her own mouth.
At the same time, hearing her mom’s endearing laugh makes her flustered and dizzy. Her mom is happy—so happy, that the guilt of her lie is hitting her faster than a bullet train.
“Yes, I am,” Nene responds while mentally kicking herself for continuing this crazy impromptu act.
“I’m looking forward to meeting him. And…I’m sure Grandma is too.”
Grandma…
Nene’s panic resides and is replaced by sadness and worry. “How is she doing?”
“She’s been visiting the hospital often lately for many different things, but she’s still full of joy.”
“Is that so…” How much longer do they have before her grandma never leaves the hospital?
“I’m sure she’ll feel much better when she knows that you are in a committed relationship though. She keeps on asking when her only granddaughter will finally marry a good man who can take care of her.” There’s a small pause on the other end. “And I do too. It’s just the wish of parents and grandparents, you know? I know you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself but it just gives us parents extra comfort in knowing that our children have someone who can stand by their side to wholeheartedly love and support them when we no longer can.”
Nene cannot find the words to properly respond to that. “I understand…” is all she can manage to say.
“Dear me, I’m talking too much again. It’s getting late there isn’t it? I’ll let you go to sleep. Don’t stay up too late, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Nene.”
Her mom’s voice was full of love; it’s an unchanging love that has supported her and looked after her for twenty-five years.
“I love you too, Mom,” she says with the same love back.
It’s because of this love that they hold for each other that has landed her in this very sticky predicament. It causes Nene to sink to her knees after she hangs up the phone and all of her strength leaves her body.
She’s so screwed.
And thus she immediately calls for help from the one person who knows her the best.
It doesn’t take long for her call to be picked up.
“Why hello there, Nene,” came Rui’s voice from the other end.
“I’m…in a dilemma.”
“Oh?”
She explains it all to her childhood friend and he silently listens.
“I see. That is certainly quite the predicament,” he says when she finishes. She can practically hear the gears turning in his head as he speaks. She needs them to turn fast .
“Rui…what do I do?” Nene’s fingers tightly curl into her bedsheets as the stress builds. “I can’t just take it all back now. Especially after my mom said all of those things….”
“It’s about your grandma too, right?”
“Yeah…I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t know how much longer she has left…I want her to be happy.”
There’s a short pause before his next words take her by surprise. “Then, what if you have someone act as your boyfriend during your visit?”
“You want me to fool my family by fake dating someone?” Just the thought of it causes an unpleasant feeling to form a knot in her chest. “That’s…”
“Illusions are sometimes created to make people happy.”
“This isn’t the same as a show, Rui,” she instantly shoots back.
“Oh, isn’t it though?”
Nene bites her tongue and swallows her temptation to sharply reprimand him again. This isn’t funny and she isn’t in the mood for his riddles.
“There also just so happens to be a suitable person for the task.”
Nene blinks. “Who?”
“Tsukasa-kun.”
She nearly drops her phone. “What? There’s no way I can ask him to do that! And there’s no way he’ll agree to something like this.”
Tsukasa is honest and true. Even if he might have the acting skills to pull it off, trickery that plays with people’s emotions in this sort of manner won’t sit right with him. It doesn’t sit right with her either. She never thought Rui himself would even suggest something as absurd—and can she dare say, cruel — as this.
“Just leave that to me.”
She recognizes the tone in his voice. It’s one that tells of an unsaid plan and a hidden agenda.
“Rui, what are you planning to do?”
“Do you trust me, Nene?”
The question is a serious one and somehow it puts a part of her mind at ease even if she is doubtful about this whole thing. It’s because he’s her precious childhood friend after all.
She answers without missing a beat, “I trust you, Rui.”
He chuckles. “Then just leave it to me.”
He hangs up after that and Nene falls onto her back, sinking into the softness of her bed.
Did she just really agree to this? She’s letting Rui take the reins and she has no idea which way he will be steering this plan. She has no idea if he can help her have a smooth landing or even how she will land. Her head hurts thinking about it all, but her head isn’t the only thing that’s hurting.
There’s a prick in her chest caused by the awakening of old feelings that’s been lying dormant. She lets out a long sigh into her pillow. It almost comes out as a whine because she doesn’t want to face these feelings caused by someone’s radiance and kindness—someone who can make heart glow even when he isn’t next to her.
Tsukasa…
——————————
“Alright, this is a good spot!” Tsukasa announces when they step into the empty park as the last rays of the setting sun disappear over the horizon.
It’s getting late and they should be heading home but they ended up telling Rui and Emu to head off first so that they could get more practice in. It’s actually Tsukasa’s idea and Nene had agreed to it because she’s just as nervous as he is about their roles. When she sees him hunched over his script with furrowed brows and in noisy concentration as he mutters his lines under his breath only to cry out in frustration every few minutes, she can very much relate.
They are playing the lead roles. They are playing lovers. In the past two years she has played a variety of different roles and has gained confidence little by little along the way, but this is something else. This makes her palms sweaty and makes her heart beat with a new kind of nervousness.
Nene isn't stupid. Oh, she knows she’s smart and has a good head on her shoulders. That is why she knows part of the reason for her nervousness isn’t just because this is a new kind of role. It is also because she’s acting this role with him . But she is aiming to be a professional and so she must bury those feelings.
She must bury these feelings for the sake of their dreams and as preparation for a future of inevitable partings.
(Will you regret this one day?)
“The setting is similar to the one in this scene so this should hopefully help us get more in character,” Nene says, looking at her surroundings—a quiet park underneath the stars of a cool night.
Tsukasa enthusiastically nods. “Yeah, hopefully! Rui sure picked rather challenging roles this time...”
“Could it be that this is beyond the abilities of our self-proclaimed World Future Star?” Nene can’t help but poke fun at him.
He dramatically crosses his arms and his voice booms, “Of course not! For a World Future Star, there is no role that I cannot take on and no challenge that I cannot overcome. Watch me, Nene! I will leave the audience breathless at the climax!”
(I’m already watching you. Every day, I can’t take my eyes off you.)
“Yes, yes. Of course,” she says, rather dismissively though with a trace of a smile on her face. “Come on, let’s start practicing before it gets too late.”
“Yeah!”
They take their place as if on stage. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens her eyes again, she is no longer Nene Kusanagi but Maya Miyakawa, a university student who knows that the man she fell in love with was going to be ripped away from her by the laws of time and space.
“Do you have to go back?” she asks, voice wavering from the sadness that Maya is feeling. “Isn’t there any other way? Can’t you stay here?”
Tsukasa—Yudai—looks at her with heartache in his eyes. “I can’t. You know that. If I stay any longer, all that we’ve done would have been for nought…My mission is to pave the way to a better future for everyone.”
“What about our future?”
“Maya…”
“I know. I know I’m selfish. But I don’t want you to go…” She screams the next words like it’s her lifeline, scooping everything out of her heart. “I love you! Do you hear me? I love you!”
It’s a release. It feels cathartic to voice the feelings that have been laying at the bottom of her heart for so long. But is it Nene Kusanagi’s heart or Maya Miyazawa’s heart?
(You know the answer to that very well.)
He doesn’t answer her right away. His eyes are gentle, reflecting a tender sadness. “And I love you,” he says, softly but clearly.
How he said those words made her heart stop and her breath hitch. Nene almost forgets her lines but she uses the cascading emotions to make her voice painfully crack as she asks, “Then why? Why do you have to leave?”
“Some things just aren’t meant to be.”
“Why does it have to be us? It’s not fair!”
She covers her face with her hands and sobs into them as she feels tears wet her lashes.
She hears footsteps and when she lifts her eyes again, he’s standing right in front of her with an outstretched hand and a smile that’s more beautiful than the stars in the sky.
“Maya, would you share this dance with me under the same stars that bore witness to our fateful encounter a year ago?”
She sucks in a shaky breath and wipes her tears before giving him a smile that he deserves.
“Yes. I would love to.”
She gives him her hand and he takes the lead. Nene has read about it in books before—about losing yourself in someone else’s eyes. She never really understood what that meant until this very moment as Tsukasa’s summer tinted hues locked onto hers. Even when she twirls, his gaze catches her again the moment she stops. ‘ He’s good at this’ , she thinks. He’s so in-character that it makes her own heart clench and her face grows warm. ‘ You’re acting right now’ , she reminds herself. ‘ These feelings are Maya’s’ , she emphasizes.
Their dance finally comes to an end as he pulls her into a hug the moment the street lamp overhead flickers on like a spotlight. And suddenly it all comes flooding in—how this is their last performance together before Tsukasa graduates from high school and one by one the memories of the past two years flash in front of her and she tangibly feels each one as she embraces the embodiment of those times. Her vision blurs with tears and she tightens her hold just a bit more. To her surprise, he responds by tightening his hold on her too. (It’s acting.)
They stay like that for a while, soaking in the moment and the emotions before finally pulling away just enough to look at each other’s face. Nene isn’t quite sure, but she thinks she sees a flush of pink on Tsukasa’s cheeks in the light and how his eyes are watery with emotions just like hers. ‘ He’s just in-character’ , she reminds herself.
He lowers his head until their forehead touches. His touch burns and she feels her cheeks flare up. She prays that he can’t hear how fast her heart is beating against her ribcage—if he does, then she prays that he assumes it’s from the dancing—and does her best to not break eye contact.
After a long moment, Tsukasa finally breaks their embrace and grins. “I think we really nailed this scene this time,” he says with a nod of affirmation. “Great job, Nene! We’re in great shape!”
The spell of the moment is instantly broken, but Nene finds herself still stuck in it. Her feelings are scrambled up in a disarray. “Yeah,” she manages to agree as she wipes the remaining tears from her eyes.
Tsukasa is beaming as he stares at her.
“W-What?” she stammers, feeling embarrassed under his stare.
“Nothing. It’s just that, you’re really amazing, Nene. So I can’t slack off either!”
You’re really amazing, Nene.
He means her acting and that’s it. She’s happy for the praise because that’s what should matter the most—her acting and singing skills. Yet, there’s a part of her that wants more as she watches him grab their stuff, giddiness in his step at a successful practice session. He’s humming one of the songs from the performance.
“You’re amazing too,” she tells him. “I was able to receive every single one of Yudai’s emotions from you.”
Tsukasa’s signature smug smile blooms on his face. “Oh? It’s rare to hear such high praises from you. This is a moment to be remembered! Yes, do praise me more! Ahahaha!”
Nene fights the urge to roll her eyes. “You know what? I take it all back.”
His loud reaction is instant. “Hey, no take backs! What is said remains said forevermore!”
They banter like that, with her shushing him multiple times, all the way to the point where their paths diverge.
“See you tomorrow! Be careful on the way home!” He brightly bids her goodbye with a wave and she is left alone the rest of the way home.
It’s funny to think how when she first met him she saw him as a loud, obnoxious, wannabe star who just wanted the spotlight. Somewhere along the way and over the past two years, he hasn’t just grown as a person and as a performer, but he has also grown on her as an irreplaceable friend. WonderlandsxShowtime has gone through so much together—laughing and crying with each success and each hardship. Tsukasa, Rui, Emu…they all mean so much to her.
Though she has come to realize that her feelings for Tsukasa have gradually changed into something different.
She didn’t understand it at first. Why did her eyes always scan the school hallways just in case she spotted him? Why did she feel heat rushing to her face when he leaned over to look at the script in her hands? Why did his smile suddenly make her heart beat off rhythm? Why did her name sound a little different—a little prettier, a little bit like a note from her favorite song—whenever he said it?
But now—
“Welcome home, Nene!…Oh, are you alright?”
Nene gave her mom a confused look as she took off her shoes.
“Your face is all red…Are you coming down with a fever?”
Her hands shot up to cover her warm face.
“I’m fine! I was just practicing a dance routine for my next performance so I overexerted myself…Give me a moment, I’ll be right back down for dinner!” And she dashes up the stairs to her room before her mom can get another word out.
One look in the mirror confirmed that she is indeed blushing. She absolutely did not blush all the way home. There’s no way . But that just might be a lie because her head was full of thoughts of him all the way home and his touch still lingered on her forehead, her hands, her waist—
Nene shoved a pillow into her face, making small incoherent noises into it. Maybe if she shoves the pillow against her face hard enough it will make all this heat and these thoughts and feelings go away.
“I hate you,” she mutters.
——————————
Nene is now back in Japan, jet lag still heavy on her eyes as she yawns for the tenth time in the last five minutes. She is now back in Japan and she has heard absolutely nothing from Rui. What did he plan to do? Did he fail to convince Tsukasa? Did he have something else planned? She has no idea. Though she should find out soon since it’s almost their meeting time.
It’s half past ten and people are beginning to crowd the popular meeting spot. She watches as friends and couples meet up, happily chatting away. It’s been a while since she was surrounded by so much Japanese in the air instead of English. Even if America has treated her well over the past couple of years, Japan will always be her home.
“Nene!”
A familiar voice booms and when she looks over in that direction, she is greeted by warm arms wrapping around her.
She freezes, nestled into Tsukasa’s warm frame. “Don’t just hug people out of nowhere,” she shoots back, barely managing to not stutter.
He laughs, deeply and loudly when he pulls away from her. “It’s just been so long so I got excited seeing you!”
Nene’s cheeks are warm and she mentally slaps herself for it. She doesn’t get to respond before a force pushes them both closer together again.
“Nene-chan! Tsukasa-kun!” comes Emu’s cheerful voice as she hugs both of them. “I missed you two soooooo much!”
Nene can’t keep a smile from breaking out on her face. “I miss you too, Emu,” she says, returning the hug.
“Oh, Emu! You look well!” Tsukasa says, embracing them both and attempting to spin them around, causing Nene to gasp in surprise and Emu to giggle.
“Oh, are you all having fun without me? How heartbreaking. Woe is me for being left out of this heartwarming reunion.”
The spinning stops and Nene locks eyes with her childhood friend.
“Well, it’s your fault for being late, Rui!” Tsukasa shouts, though quickly beckons him over with a grin.
And so the four of them become balled up in one big group hug outside of Shibuya Station. It’s suffocating and a little uncomfortable and the button on Rui’s coat might be painfully digging into her cheek but Nene feels truly at home in the arms of her friends—her old troupe, her family .
They stay that way for a while, basking in each other's presence before finally pulling away. I miss you and I’m so happy to see you are the feelings that are reflected in everyone’s eyes as they begin making their way towards the restaurant they had made reservations for while chatting all the way. With so much to catch up on and so little time to spend together over the winter holidays, there is no time to waste before they will be going their separate ways once more.
But nothing can prepare Nene for what Emu is about to say as she pauses in the middle of eating her pasta to announce over the soft jazz music in the background, “Oh, Rui-kun and I have something super exciting and super important that we want to tell you guys!”
“What is it?” Nene asks. Rui hasn’t said anything to her about whatever this could be.
Emu and Rui exchange looks before there’s a small pop as confettis bursts into the air thanks to Rui’s little trick while Emu announces, “Rui and I are officially going out!”
Nene is stunned into silence as she tries to process what she just heard… They’re dating…?
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?”
Nene grimaces at how every single person in the entire restaurant is now staring at them thanks to a certain blonde. “Keep it down,” she hisses, kicking Tsukasa under the table.
“Sorry…” he apologizes, voice instantly dropping a couple hundred notches. Though it rises a few decibels again when he asks, “Since when!?”
“Since a month ago,” Rui answers with a smile on his face, completely unfazed by his friend’s reactions and the stares of everyone around him.
“A month!?” Tsukasa continues to scream.
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Nene finally finds her voice again, a pout at the corners of her lips. She can’t believe that her childhood friend and her best friend would hide something so important until now.
“Ah, it’s because we knew that you guys were coming back to Japan for the New Years and we really wanted to tell you in person!” Emu says. Worriness carves her brows above pleading eyes. “It just didn’t feel right otherwise so don’t be mad!”
“We wanted to honor you both by telling you this in person because it’s an important decision and we didn’t make this decision lightly,” Rui says, the tone of his voice shifting to a serious one. “To be honest, it was also because I wasn’t quite ready to announce it yet.” His lips twist into a small, self-deprecating smile; it makes Nene want to slap it off him because he doesn’t deserve to look down on himself in any way.
“Rui…” This was the first time that Nene has heard Emu drop the suffix to his name. She watches as Emu reaches for Rui’s hand to give him a reassuring squeeze and she notices the way his eyes light up slightly in surprise and then immensely softens as he squeezes her hand back. His expression and tiny action speaks volumes to Nene who has known him for practically her entire life.
Of course it would be Emu. It has always been Emu all this time. Her heart glows at the realization that her childhood friend has made the decision to share his future with someone who had given him a dream to live and fight for.
“But you’re ready now, right?” Tsukasa is wearing a stern look when he speaks up after his sudden silence. “You’re ready to acknowledge your new relationship with Emu and treat her like how she deserves to be treated as your cherished partner, right?”
Rui firmly nodded. “I am.”
Tsukasa’s hard gaze dissolves as a bright smile forms. “Then there’s nothing else for me to say other than I’m really happy for you both!”
Nene nods as well, matching his smile with her own. “Rui, Emu…Congratulations. I’m really happy for the both of you.”
Emu’s eyes become watery with tears of joy. “Nene-chan…Tsukasa-kun…Thank you so much!”
Nene reaches out her hands across the table and meets Emu’s half way. “If Rui ever makes you cry, let me know, okay? I’ll make sure he instantly pays for it.”
“Same here!” Tsukasa chimes in.
“Well then…I must be extra careful or else it’s off with my head,” Rui says with a look of fear though his fake expression quickly fades as he chuckles. “Thank you both..”
Nene smiles at him. She’s truly happy for Rui and Emu because she has seen it coming since a long time ago. She has seen Rui’s gaze soften when he looks at Emu or sparkle whenever she would come up with a new idea to try on stage and how he would always be quick to defend her dreams and desires with unshakable determination. She also notices how he would always notice the smallest of shifts in her emotions even though he’s horrible at noticing those little things in himself—that has become Emu’s job. And since both Nene and Tsukasa spend most of their time aboard now, it’s Emu who has been consistently standing by Rui’s side. That’s why it’s not a big surprise to her that they came to this. But if she has noticed those little things between them throughout the years she also can’t help but wonder if someone also noticed—
“Nene-chan, look at this outfit! This would look really good on you!”
Nene blinks as she stares at the cream colored dress paired with a cute brown cardigan in Emu’s hands. They are now doing some shopping in the women’s section of the mall while the boys have wandered off somewhere else. “You think so?”
Emu grins. “Yeah! And it also matches with the outfit Tsukasa-kun’s wearing today too.”
The comment is unexpected and her face heats up. “Why do I have to match him?”
Emu’s expression softens. “Nene-chan…you like Tsukasa-kun, right?”
If she wasn’t already blushing like a middle schooler over a crush just a minute ago then she is now. “Wh-What? I-I…” she stammers, completely lacking the grace and pose that she thinks a twenty-five year old career-focused adult should have.
“You should tell him!” Emu loudly encourages.
“No! I—” Nene instantly shoots back then stops.
“Why not?” Emu is frowning. “Even though you’ve liked him since high school…”
She said that as if it’s a very normal fact that everyone should know and Nene almost choked on air. “You could tell?”
Emu nodded. “Mhm. But you never said anything about it so I didn’t say anything either.”
“I appreciate it,” Nene says, breathing a sigh of relief. And if Rui knows—she now believes there’s no way he wouldn’t—he also didn’t say anything.
“But why didn’t you tell him?”
Nene hesitated at that, her eyes glued to the earth-toned outfit that Emu still had gathered in her arms as if there’s a perfect answer hidden between the fabric.
“It’s because…we both have dreams we wanted to follow. I didn’t want to be a distraction to him.”
‘ You didn’t want him to be a distraction to you ,’ the voice in her head reprimands her. ‘ You’re just a scared and selfish girl,’ it continues.
“I thought it was just a phase and that I’ll eventually get over it.”
“But you didn’t,” Emu instantly says. “You really really like Tsukasa-kun. Even now.”
“I—” Nene begins but once again can’t continue. Why can’t she say it? Why can’t she just admit the truth that she has always known?
Emu steps forward, drops the clothes on top of a nearby rack, and holds her hands. “You know, Nene-chan…I was really scared when I asked Rui to go out with me.” Her thumbs rub small circles over the back of Nene’s hands. “I was scared that things between us—not just between me and Rui but between you and Tsukasa-kun too—would never be the same again. I love how we are even after we no longer perform as WonderlandsxShowtime because I’ve already accepted that it’s okay to change and grow up. It’s for the best! Yet, there was a part of me that didn’t want what was left of what we once were to change anymore than it already has. But…”
Emu’s jewel-like eyes lock with Nene’s and Nene sees how much they sparkle with uncontainable joy. “I don’t regret anything! I’m so happy to call Rui my boyfriend and everything is sooo much more magical! I’m even happier than I was before and today confirmed that even if the bond between us takes on a new form as our relationship changes, we’ll always be us!”
She squeezes Nene’s hands. “That’s why I want to give you the courage to tell Tsukasa-kun how you feel! Trust me…it’ll be okay! It’ll be better than okay. It’ll be ultra super duper mega wonderhoy okay!”
This is the first time that she has confided in anyone about these feelings. Emu’s response is encouraging and Nene can see how regret does not exist in Emu's life or between her and Rui’s relationship. Perhaps, the one who is regretting is Nene.
“I’ll think about it,” Nene says because that is the best answer she can give right now.
“Okay,” Emu says, giving her hands another squeeze. “If you need any advice or help, you can always come to me and Rui. Both of us want you and Tsukasa-kun to be happy no matter what you two choose to do.”
It isn’t just how Emu has grown out her hair and changed the way she dresses—now elegantly cute—but she has really grown into a confident woman who is sure of herself and of what she wants. Nene finds herself envying her best friend. So she has to make up her mind and move forward too.
It becomes something at the back of her mind the entire day and until she finds herself sitting alone with the complicated object of her secret (well, Emu confirmed that it’s actually not-so-secret) affection as they both strayed behind Rui and Emu as to let them be a couple under the Christmas illuminations.
There are couples standing around in every direction she looks. It makes her self-conscious and it makes her wonder if she and Tsukasa look like a couple walking side by side. There’s a wistfulness to her thoughts that make her heart ache.
“It’s been a while since I last saw these. I forgot just how much blue there is,” Tsukasa says, laughing with eyes locked to the blue lights around them.
Nene nods. “Yeah. I feel like they look extra pretty this time and I think it’s because I miss Tokyo.”
“Same,” he agrees.
Nene takes a peek at him and she sees how the blue lights illuminate his summer colored hair. The shadows and light carve out every dip and strong curve of his facial features. Even the cool colors cannot dull the sparkle in his sunlit eyes.
He’s really handsome.
His eyes suddenly shift to Nene just as that thought resounds in her mind, causing her to avert her gaze out of surprise and embarrassment.
There’s a moment of silence before Tsukasa speaks up. “Rui told me about your situation,”
Nene’s heart drops and she sucks in a deep breath. “Tsukasa..Whatever Rui said, you don’t—”
“I’ll help.”
She blinks, unable to believe what she just heard. “Eh?”
“I’ll help you out, Nene,” he says again, more firmly.
She is freaking out that this is actually happening. What did Rui say? He succeeded and she trusted that he would but she’s still wondering if this is truly a good idea.
“Are you sure?” she asks. “You don’t have to, if you don’t feel comfortable with it…”
“What will you do if I don’t help you out?” he asks her back.
That causes Nene to pause. “…I don’t know. I guess, I’ll have to straight up tell everyone that I lied because I was scared…”
That was the most adult thing to do. Even if she’s absolutely terrified of doing so after playing this lie for so long. When her mom asked her last night when would be a good time to invite him out for lunch and go visit her grandma, she said maybe during the weekend because he just got back from overseas too. She said all of this out of faith because she has placed her trust in Rui, but she’s now wondering if she should have called her mom back that night right away to say it was all a lie and that fine, she’ll just suck it up and meet that guy because maybe dealing with that is probably much better than dealing with this complicated situation and the guilt that’s going to come once the truth is exposed because her mom has relayed her grandma’s message to her: “Now I can finally pass away in peace knowing that my granddaughter has someone by her side.”
“Hey, earth to Nene!”
Nene snaps out of her thoughts when Tsukasa calls out to her. He’s looking at her with reassurance and gentleness in his smile; she immediately knows his next set of words and she hates how kind and selfless he always is.
“I can literally hear you overthinking. I mean, I guess it is a situation that requires a lot of thought but you don’t have to figure it out alone. Let me help you!” He brings his fist up to his chest in a pose of determination. “I don’t think it would be hard for me to pose as your boyfriend for now and we can always find a valid reason for breaking up later. It could be the distance or just realizing that we are better as close friends in the end.”
It’s horrible how she can’t deny him and his help. It’s horrible that there’s a part of her that wants to know how things would go if he were to be her boyfriend because maybe it will help her figure out if confessing her old but consistent feelings will be worth it.
“Okay,” she says in the end. “Thanks for helping out, Tsukasa. I’m sorry that I ended up dragging you into all of this.”
He smiles broadly at her. “No worries. It’s my pleasure to help a dear friend out! Have no fear, for the World Star is here! Hahahaha!”
——————————
Nene and Tsukasa spent the next three days preparing a script to follow so that they could answer any possible questions. Rui and Emu helped out too though they got shooed out of the room after suggestions like Nene and Tsukasa confessing their life for each other on a hot air balloon that malfunctioned and they thought they were going to fall to their deaths or Tsukasa blocking Nene from a robber with gun and confessing his love for her while telling her to run.
They settled with something simple and much more plausible .
Then the day has finally come. They have decided to meet at her home in the early afternoon. When the bell rings, Nene gets up to answer it, inviting Tsukasa inside.
“Mom, you already know Tsukasa but today I’m officially introducing him as my boyfriend.”
Surprise is evident on her mom’s face.
“Hello, Kusanagi-san,” Tsukasa says with a polite smile. “This is the first time that I am meeting you as Nene’s boyfriend so nice to meet you and I’ll be in your care.”
Nene waits for her mom’s reaction with bated breath and is rewarded with a happy smile from her.
“I see…Well, this is certainly a lovely surprise. I’m glad to see you again, Tsukasa-kun. And together with Nene, no less. I can’t wait to hear more about your story and how you finally got together.”
Nene blinks. Finally ?
“Why of course! Both of us can’t wait to tell you all about it!” Tsukasa says enthusiastically.
At that moment, a voice sounds from the living room. “Oh, is he here?”
While they are off to a good start with her mom, Nene can’t help her anxiety from shooting up tenfolds at her Grandma’s voice. “I can’t wait to meet him,” she kept on repeating all morning. Now the moment has finally come.
“Come on in. She’s been very excited to meet you,” her mom says.
“And so am I,” Tsukasa responds with a bright smile.
They make their way into the living room where her Grandma is resting in her comfy chair.
“Hello! It’s nice to meet you. I’m Tsukasa Tenma,” he greets her.
“It’s nice to meet you…Hm? Aren’t you Protagonist-kun?”
Tsukasa understandably looks slightly perplexed just like Nene is. “Protagonist-kun?”
Her grandma smiles. “In the shows.”
Upon hearing her words, realization strikes Nene. “Oh, that’s right…! You went to see two of our performances back in high school.”
“Is that so?” Tsukasa’s face lights up with genuine joy. “Thank you so much for supporting us!”
“Your performances are always so lively. I have so much fun watching them.” Nene’s grandma chuckles. “But an old woman’s praise probably doesn’t mean much because I’m sure you get plenty of praise all the time.”
Tsukasa shakes his head. “It means a lot to me! I always feel so honored when the elderly say that they enjoyed my acting. And furthermore, you’re my beloved girlfriend's grandma so of course your praise means the world to me!”
“Beloved girlfriend,” her grandma repeats with a laugh. “You say it so proudly. How wonderful. Isn’t it wonderful, Nene?”
Her grandma looks at her with eyes that crinkle at the corners from happiness and it makes both her voice and her heart tremble as Tsukasa’s loud declaration echoes in her head. “Yes, it is.” She’s forcing her lips to spread into a smile befitting of a happy but bashful girlfriend. “It’s a little embarrassing though whenever he says things like that so openly.”
“It’s true though!” Tsukasa unexpectedly continues. He’s looking at her with an intensity that surprises her. “You’re my beloved girlfriend and I want the whole world to know how amazing you are!”
Nene wants to kick him. She wants to kick him for his too believable over the top performance and how he’s making her blush for real. She wants to kick him for how he’s the cause of her heart beating out of rhythm—painfully so. “I get it already, so you can stop now!” she cries.
Her grandma is happily laughing though. “Young love is so wonderful. It’s so lovely to see…Oh before I forget because an old woman like me can be quite forgetful. Here’s a little present for you.” She reaches for the gift bag next to her and extends it to Tsukasa.
His eyes widened in surprise, but he is quick to thank her with a bright smile as he receives it. “Can I open it now?” She nods and he slowly takes out what is in the bag. In his hands was a light green knitted scarf. “This is…”
Nene herself is just as speechless to see it. “Grandma…was this what you were finishing up last night?”
“Yes, yes…I heard that it can get quite cold in the UK.” She reaches out to give the Tsukasa’s hands an affectionate pat. “Do use it to keep yourself warm.”
He looks like he’s on the verge of tears—real tears. “Thank you so much! This means a lot to me. I will most definitely use it well.”
Nene isn’t sure if she should be happy about how everything is exceeding her expectations or worried about the future when this whole act breaks down. It’s more of the latter that takes up her mind and it makes her feel sick to the stomach to know that her Grandma’s emotions have been played with to this extent.
“I heard that you are currently pursuing an acting career in the UK,” her mom asks. “How has that been? Are you planning on staying there long-term?”
“It’s been really good! The language barrier was a huge struggle at first and no amount of English classes could have prepared me for actually living in an English-speaking country and memorizing an entire script in English, but London is beginning to actually feel like home now. I’ve learned a lot from many professionals and gained many invaluable experiences. As for longer term plans…” He glances at Nene. “The discussion of what would be best for us in terms of a future together has come up. Whether that’s me moving to America, Nene moving to the UK, or the both of us moving back to Japan.”
“We’re thinking about things, but we’re also trying to take it one step at a time without rushing,” Nene says.
Her grandma nods. “That’s good that you are thinking about the future and it is also good to take things one step at a time as you head forward into that future. There is no need to rush things.” She looks between them and smiles. “I’m very curious as to how you two got together though. Nene hasn’t told me anything.”
“Well, it was a gradual thing,” Tsukasa starts. “Me, Nene, Rui, and Emu have kept in contact. Our group chat is still super active cause we tell each other everything…literally everything. Even the I-really-didn’t-need-to-know-that things.” He chuckles at that and so did Nene and her mom and grandma. That part is the truth and Nene is constantly comforted by that.
“I felt the most connection with Nene though because we were going through similar transitions in our lives. Both of us left for a foreign country and had similar struggles as we adjusted to a completely new culture and language.”
“You would always message me with a string of crying stickers asking me to help you decode parts of a script when Rui wasn’t awake to help,” she can’t help but tease him.
Tsukasa pouted. “English is hard, okay? You were a life-saver, Nene since you managed to pick up the language faster…”
“Yeah…” she agrees with a nod. “Playing lots of games in English helped with that.”
“I still can’t believe that’s really how you leveled up your English skills so quickly.”
“Yeah. Playing some games in English really gives it a different feel since the characters’ names are in English and the settings are Western inspired.”
Tsukasa stares at her. “Wait, so getting to experience the games in a different way was the real reason?”
“And what about it?”
“Wow, what a nerd.”
“And I’m proud of it,” Nene says, sipping her green tea.
Tsukasa laughs. He then lets out a thoughtful hum. “I would probably suck at those games but we should play them sometimes.”
“Oh, you’re definitely going to suck at them.”
“Rude! You didn’t have to agree so quickly!”
Nene shrugs with a smirk. “Hey, you were the one who said it, not me.” The corners of her mouth rise up more at his scowl. “But yeah, the four of us should have a game day before we all split up again.”
It is then that she suddenly realized that they both have gone way off script and are talking in their own little world.
“Ah…Sorry,” she says with an embarrassed smile.
Tsukasa clears his throat and settles back down in his seat. “I apologize for going off tangent!”
Nene’s mom laughs. “No, it’s all good. You two are having so much fun talking and reminiscing. I love hearing it and seeing your chemistry. Isn’t that right, Mom?”
Her grandma nods in agreement. “Yes, yes, that is right,” she says with a smile. “Oh, it reminds me of when you brought Sousuke home for the first time.”
Her mom laughs at that. “Is that so?”
Being compared to her parents makes Nene’s cheeks warm up. Is it from shame or embarrassment?
She quickly continues, keeping up the act, “Anyways…We ended up becoming each other’s biggest support. When things got hard and I wanted to pack my bags and go back to Japan, it was always Tsukasa who encouraged me.” She lays her hand on top of his. “He has become my anchor and a big reason why I’m proudly doing what I am doing today.”
There is truth in that. She vividly remembers the first desperate phone call that she made to him in tears. He must have been shocked to hear her like that for the first time—broken from unmet expectations, unbearable frustration, and homesickness—but he listened to her every word and told her in such a gentle voice that she’ll be okay because she’s so much stronger than she thinks she is. And he sang for her until she drifted off to sleep on her bed, curled around his bright voice which drowned out all the other ones in her head—the ones that said she wasn’t good enough and the ones that asked why she was even here as the numbers of failed auditions piled up. She woke up to an encouraging message that said, ‘Go prove them wrong! Go show them what you’re truly made of! And whenever you’re tired and need to rest, I’ll always be right here.’
That’s a promise that he has kept even now.
Nene is called from her thoughts as Tsukasa flips his hand up to interlace their fingers—palm to palm, pulse to pulse. Can he feel her heart rate speeding up?
“The feeling is mutual,” he says, giving her hand a squeeze. She doesn’t dare look at his expression. She hopes he’s not looking at her because she cannot control the heat rising to her face. “And after a while we naturally just began talking about our relationship and made the decision to move forward together.”
“That’s wonderful to hear. I suppose it’s no surprise that you two would understand each other so well with your long-time friendship and similar experiences. I’m so happy to see the both of you supporting each other.” Her grandma’s voice is all smiles and when Nene looks up she sees a face that radiates pure joy and it makes her have to swallow down the feeling of guilt that’s rising up.
“I need to go to the toilet. I’ll be right back,” Nene decides to excuse herself in order to give herself space to calm down.
She shuts the bathroom door behind her and takes a deep breath. The sink countertop feels cold against the palms of her warm hands. Her left hand feels hot and is still tingling from Tsukasa’s touch; it’s almost ridiculous how much effect he has on her.
“You really really like Tsukasa-kun. Even now.”
She hates it when her friends are right. The truth is staring straight at her in the mirror—her cheeks are tinted with a blush akin to the sky at dusk that they would often practice under as teenagers. She had waited years for this love to set as dusk turns to night but it stubbornly kept on rising and it’s about time she does something about it. But right now, she has to finish this act that she started.
Slapping her face and taking a deep breath, Nene leaves the restroom.
As she walks through the house, she can hear them talking.
“I didn’t expect Nene’s boyfriend to be you, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“It makes perfect sense because even though she never said anything, I could tell how much she liked you during high school.”
Nene stops dead in her tracks, struck with absolute horror at what her mom was telling Tsukasa. Of course it would make perfect sense because to her mom, she and Tsukasa are a couple. But in reality, this is all just an act. In reality—
“Nene…liked me?”
In reality, Tsukasa doesn’t know of the feelings she harbors for him.
Except it’s no longer a secret now.
She’s learning it has never been a secret to those close to her, except for the person who is the recipient of those feelings—for better or for worse. The surprise in Tsukasa’s voice is evident and it makes Nene want to barge right in and clasp a hand over her mom’s mouth and say it was all just a misunderstanding, but she’s rooted to the spot, hands crumpling the edges of her dress.
“She never told you that she had a crush on you in high school?”
“S-She has!” he splutters in panic before trying to recollect himself to continue the act. “I’m just surprised that you know about it when I couldn’t even tell back then! She was…very good about hiding her feelings.”
Her mom laughs. “I’m sorry, I just find this very cute and amusing. To me, she was never good at hiding her feelings. Perhaps it’s because I am her mom that I have always been able to tell, but whenever I see her with you, her eyes and expression says it all. I remember one night she came home blushing quite a bit after staying out late to practice with you all. It wasn’t until after I saw the play that I understood why. She was playing lovers with you.”
Nene feels like her head is about to explode due to how much heat and pressure is rising up her face. Her mom never said anything! She never knew that her mom knew this much!
“O-Oh. Yes…That play before I graduated. I remember it very well! She did very well! Afterwards I heard the audience talking about how much they felt for the female protagonist.”
“Yes, she performed so well. I was so proud of her and how far she had come from a little girl who was afraid to stand on stage again…I have you, Rui-kun, and Emu-chan to thank for that.” There is a pause before her mom continues with cracks of happiness and gratitude in her voice. “Thank you for being such good friends to her all of these years. And thank you for loving her. I’m so happy that you’re the one who she has chosen to stand by her side, Tsukasa-kun.”
Her words are so sincere. The way her voice wavers tells Nene that she is close to tears and it makes Nene’s own eyes water.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry, Grandma’
“Please take good care of her,” her grandma says, with a sniff—she’s crying. “Please promise me that you’ll take good care of our little girl.”
Tsukasa doesn’t answer right away and Nene knows that he is fighting an inner turmoil. ‘I’m so sorry for putting you through this. I’m so sorry,” she silently apologizes as she allows her tears to fall.
He finally answers, “I promise.”
Those two words are said with such believable, firm conviction that it breaks her and she finds herself sliding to the floor as her legs grow weak. Her hands are clasped over her mouth to silence her sobs.
She loves him. She loves him so much. She so badly wants this to be real. But it’s not. It’s an act that she made him go through because of her own selfishness. And now, she’s suffering the consequences of it—her heart broken by a reality sewed together by a temporary illusion.
But it is an illusion that will end today. A confession needs to be made no matter what to ease the burden on her heart even if his answer might wound her so deep that she becomes unable to look him in the eye again.
It’s okay. She’ll be okay. She’s an adult who can deal with her own problems and emotions.
Wiping the tears from her eyes and giving herself a few minutes to make sure she looks presentable, Nene walks back to the living room.
However, the moment she sits down and locks eyes with Tsukasa, he immediately looks away. Her heart sinks down to the pit of her stomach—of course it would turn out this way. It is then that she notices that his ears are burnt red. Is he embarrassed? Is he feeling very uncomfortable? Her fingers grip her dress until the fabric crumbles and her knuckles turn white.
“Nene, Tsukasa-kun,” her grandma suddenly beckons the both of them over. With a glance at each other, they both got up to kneel in front of her.
Taking both their hands, she clasps them together between hers, Tsukasa’s on top of Nene. “I’m getting older by the day and hospital visits have been rather frequent lately. I don’t know how much time I have left but it’s always been a wish of mine to see only grandchild getting to start a family of her own.”
Those wrinkly hands that have held Nene for so many years are full of warmth and love. Nene feels the tears beginning to brim.
“Tsukasa, Nene…You don’t know how happy it makes me to see the both of you together today. I bless you both with a good and loving relationship. That you may love one another and always find it in yourself to forgive one another’s imperfections.” Her hands hold theirs firmly as she blesses them. “Taking things slowly is good but don’t make me wait too long for the wedding,” she ends with a small laugh.
“Thank you, Grandma. And of course! We wouldn’t want to keep you waiting for long!” Tsukasa laughs along with her and Nene could tell because she’s been acting by side for years—the hesitation in the fakeness of his voice.
Nene too, does her best to give her grandma a happy smile despite her heart and mind crying out for this all to end.
There is nothing that hurts more—that exhausts you more—than loving and lying.
——————————
The walk to the train station in the cold of the night is a silent one. Thoughts and feelings and guilt is heavy in the air after the curtains have finally been drawn on this act. Nene finds it difficult to breathe but if she doesn’t find her breath and say something now she’ll feel like even worse than she already is.
Her feet slow down as they are taking a shortcut through a park and eventually come to a stop as she gathers up all the courage inside of her to call his name. “Tsukasa!”
He stops, turning around to face her. “What is it? Something wrong?”
There’s no judgment in his eyes. No anger and regret of what she has put him through—it makes her feel awful and it’s all the more reason for her to come clean.
“I just want to say thank you for today. Even though it must have been really hard on you, you saw it through to the end with me.” Nene feels like she’s about to cry. “Thank you and I’m so sorry for putting you through all of that…”
Her vision is blurring, but she is trying her best to keep it together despite her grandma’s blessing of their future together echoing in her head like a punishment.
He gives her a lopsided but genuine smile. “I gave you my word that I’d help you out, didn’t I? I’m glad that things went well and that your mother and grandmother were happy.”
Do you know how much your kindness is killing me?
Nene takes a deep breath and forces herself to continue. “Tsukasa…I have something I have to confess to you…” She meets his eyes and tries not to be troubled by his suddenly unreadable expression. It’s now or never. The truth is at the tip of her tongue. “I—”
“Nene,” he cuts her off. Nene visibly flinches in surprise and fear of things turning south. However, Tsukasa’s expression softens and he extends a hand towards her. “Would you share this dance with me under the same stars that bore witness to our fateful encounter a year ago?”
She remembers those words from their script years ago. Why is he bringing up those words now? Her mind questions him, but her heart responds, “Yes, I would love to.”
The moment she takes his hand she is seventeen again.
Together, they dance down memory lane, paved by their years of friendship and of the feelings hidden in her heart. It’s strange how this dance is calming her down. It’s making her feel all warm as nostalgia and love embrace her, grounding her confidence in the feelings that she has for him.
They finally stop, faces just inches apart, his breath hot against her cheeks in the cold evening air. Seven years ago they were Maya and Yudai but right now, in this very moment, they are Nene and Tsukasa. This time, she finds the courage to do what she had wanted to do seven years ago.
Standing on her tiptoes, Nene kisses Tsukasa. It isn’t a long kiss. It is a chaste kiss, but one that lingers long enough to convey her feelings to him. She pulls away with her face all hot and her heart thumping wilding in her chest.
“I’m in love with you.”
Tsukasa stares at her with wide eyes and mouth hung open. He’s not responding and she is about to kick him and yell at him to say something— anything — when he wraps his arms around her in a crushing bear hug.
Nene lets out an embarrassing squeak of surprise. “What are you—”
“Nene! I love you too!”
She flushes a deep red. “Y-You don’t have to say it so loudly!” It is her first reaction to hit his back. Though the second is to bury her blushing face into his coat.
“But I’m really happy!” His voice continues to boom, followed by laughter.
Her hands tightly clutch his coat, anchoring herself to reality. “You…really mean that?”
Tsukasa pulls away and cups her cheeks so that he can look straight in her eyes. His autumn colored irises are as intense as the summer sun. “I mean it. I love you, Nene.”
Nene’s whole body feels light and warm and all fuzzy. Anything that’s been burdening her for the entire day, for months, and for years has now completely lifted like clouds after the rain. A newfound confidence takes its grip on her and she steps closer to him, tilting her head up.
“Then kiss me like you mean it.”
She sees the surprise in his eyes, but it’s only for the second because he quickly presses his lips against hers in a passionate kiss as if to make up for all the lost time they spent tip-toeing around each other. Her heart is drumming a love song inside her chest, vibrating every feeling she had been keeping inside all of this time.
When they break apart, they both breathlessly laugh.
“I can’t believe this,” Tsukasa says, shaking his head. “I can’t believe we just speedran the fake dating to lovers trope for real.”
“I can’t believe this either…” Wait until she tells her other friends this…If she dares. Wait until Saki hears this. “I guess we have Rui and Emu to thank for…Hey, Tsukasa, what did Rui say to you that made you want to help me? I honestly didn’t think you’d agree to go along with something like this.”
“O-Oh…That…” He begins then pauses before continuing under her stare with a sigh. “He basically said “If you don’t do this, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. As if you’re not already regretting things now. Do you want to entertain what could have been in your head like a coward forever?”” He chuckles. “He was pretty harsh, but it was a good wake up call.”
Nene blinks at his words as the implications of them slowly dawns on her. “Tsukasa…did you like me since high school?”
“Uhhhhh…” It’s almost kind of satisfying seeing him turn a bright shade of red from his cheeks all the way to his ears. He held himself pretty well this entire time unlike her. Or maybe he’s just really good at hiding it? “Yes…? Except I might not have realized it until after graduation.”
“And instead of telling me you thought it would be better to just let things go and keep things the way they are.”
“Bingo.”
Nene sighs. “We’re unbelievable.”
“I know, right?” Tsukasa agrees with a self-deprecating smile.
“You know, back at my place I was scared that you actually came to hate me because you seemed uncomfortable after you knew I had a crush on you.”
“Oh…I was just…” he averts his gaze from her. “I was just flustered that the person I liked actually liked me back—wait...YOU HEARD ALL THAT!?”
“Yeah…”
Tsukasa looks horrified. “This…could have ended up in a disaster,” he groans.
Nene laughs. “It could have but it didn’t…”
“Yeah…It didn’t.” He takes her hand in his and locks eyes with her—blazing with sincerity. “What I said was true. I promise that I’ll take good care of you. That is, if you’ll let me.”
She can’t help but smirk a bit at that even though her cheeks are flushed a happy pink. “It’s probably going to be more of me taking care of you.”
“Hey! Well…I can’t deny that but let’s just say that we can take care of each other. Because that’s what lovers do!”
Lovers…
The thought of them now becoming that is so surreal to her. “So are we really…”
“Nene, please go out with me. For real this time.”
Nene can’t take her eyes off the man that has always held the key to the deepest part of her heart.
She smiles and squeezes his hands in response. “Of course.”
Tsukasa breaks into the most dazzling smile, his entire face lighting up like stars in the night sky above them. He’s the brightest star. He’s her star.
“UWOHHHHHH!!!! IT’S OFFICIAL!!! NENE IS MY GIRLFRIEND!”
Nene is shocked at his loud announcement. “Don’t be so loud!”
There’s a group of ladies walking past them and Tsukasa quickly rushes over. “The girl I had a crush on since high school just agreed to go out with me!”
“Don’t just go announcing it to random people!”
“But I’m so happy! I can’t contain myself!”
“If you don’t contain yourself I’m breaking up with you right now!”
“WHAAAAAAAAT?”
This is them: loud and full of banters. But Nene wouldn’t have it any other way even if things are going to look a little different from today onwards.
Laughing and shouting like they have conquered the world, they walk the rest of the way to the station hand in hand and hearts beating as one.
And they will continue to do so towards a new stage that awaits them.